"God didn't wake me"
That's an actual excuse an employee used to explain missing work, according to a survey recently released by CareerBuilder.com.
The survey showed an increase in the number of workers this year who called in sick with fake excuses. Hiring managers said the most unusual excuses workers gave ranger from "I'm too drunk to drive to work" to "I cut my fingernails too short, they're bleeding, and I have to go to the doctor."
Forty-three percent of workers surveyed said made a bogus sick call at least once during the past year, compared to 35 percent in the Job site's 2004 survey, according to a press release.
Sure, the stats are surprising, but the bizarre excuses employees gave for missing work are even better:
"I accidentally flushed my keys down the toilet."
"I had to help deliver a baby on my way to work." (from a non-medical employee)
"I accidentally drove through the automatic garage door before it opened"
"My boyfriend's snake got loose and I'm afraid to leave the bedroom until he gets home."
"The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."
"I forgot I was getting married today."
"My cow bit me."
"My son accidentally fell asleep next to wet cement in our backyard. His foot fell in and we can't get it out."
"I was walking my dog and slipped on a toad in my driveway and hurt my back."
And, last but not least ...
"I'm too fat to fit into my work pants."
According to the press release, the most popular day to call in sick was Wednesday, with 27 percent of workers faking. Fibbing to take a three-day weekend also was popular, but more risky, with 63 percent of hiring managers saying they're more suspicious of employees staying home on Monday or Friday.
The most popular reason for missing work was relaxation and sleep, followed by just not wanting to go and a need to do housework and run errands, according to the release.
More than 2,450 workers were surveyed between Aug. 10 and Aug. 22 for the report, called "Out of the Office 2005."