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Do you think it would be more beneficial to hear from the victim's family members?

It doesn't feel right to me that Alan Duncan helped to broker this deal. I don't sense remorse from Carr; rather I sense trying to find a get-out-of-jail-free card.

I think this is a case that the school board and Grier have it wrong again!

If Carr is serious about helping young people, perhaps he can take that up as a personal quest "after" he has served his time in prison for a foolish act that took another person's life. Now, that would be more meaningful and telling of a person's character.

Some friends of mine in Winston Salem mentioned Grier's letter to me and asked if it was a bad joke. They couldn't believe it. Of course, they don't know Terry Grier and our school system is a bad joke.

The hours required in the driver's education course are strict. There is a lot of material to cover in 30 hours. I don't know how much time is alloted to 'driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol is illegal and stupid and if you even think of doing so your mother will lock you in your room until you are 27.' That takes about a minute around our house.

I believe that Mr. Carr is remorseful. After all, being stupid and wrongheaded doesn't mean that he is a sociopath. He killed someone. This is a terrible burden. It sounds like he wishes to expiate that guilt by sharing his story. This is wonderful. I hope that his sharing his story with appropriate audiences provides a public service as well as a personally therapeutic one.

I believe that he should not be given access to my children in a class that does not leave me the choice to pull my son and daughter for that lesson. The driver's ed program is proscribed; if the students miss a portion of the class they will not be able to earn their permits until they are 18. Actually, this is an option that I give careful consideration.

Mr. Carr could bring his message to various venues where adults and young adults freely gather, for example a church group or college campus. He could even bring his message to clubs and organizations for children where attendance is voluntary such as the Boy Scouts. I am not keen on having my children used as part of a (soon to be) convicted felon's therapy or to be caught up in an explosively emotional experience as a substitute for the teaching and learning process.

Without going into people's minds, we can only know what they choose to reveal.

But I would guess that Tolly Carr is struggling on two levels: 1) knowing that he was responsible for permanently ending a fellow human being's existence on earth and 2) knowing that he has done substantial, perhaps permanent, damage to an otherwise impressive career and reputation.

One of those struggles focuses more on the victim; the other internal struggle focuses more on himself.

I cannot imagine how horrible it must feel to know that you have taken someone else's life.

If I ever found myself in such a position, even in the very different case of self-defense, I think I would have a difficult time dealing with that and moving on. It would be that much worse of a feeling inside if it wasn't an arguably justified and necessary case of self-defense.

With cases of people drinking and driving, we more often end up with stories that do not result in someone dying.

But each and every single one of those incidents contributes to a more dangerous and even deadly environment for the rest of the population.

Carr deserves judgement in a courtroom, and we are all free to judge him in our minds as we most certainly have and will, but probably not one of us doesn't know, like, and support individuals who regularly do what Carr did: place themselves behind the steering wheel and venture out onto streets under the influence. Some of us have probably done that ourselves and only been much more fortunate that we haven't found ourselves guilty of an accidental murder.

Through the normal teaching and learning process, I woulf guess that every single student is exposed to the idea that drinking and driving has the potential to have very negative consequences.

But since there is nothing out there that matters equally to everyone, there are countless individuals who ignore that message every day.

What I find profound, relevant, and intensely meaningful and important may mean less or even nothing to someone else.

But for some students, there is certainly the possibility that Carr's testimony might serve as a greater wake-up call.

As I believe has been suggested, parents should have the option for their own children not to be required to listen to Carr.

But for those who hear his message, maybe it will make a stronger impression than more traditional sources of the same messages about drinking and driving.

I don't know if I'm reading the situation correctly, but the fact that Carr is already serving jail time and that he plans to plead guilty may be signs that he wants to accept as much responsibility as possible for the crime he committed (short of taking his own life, which hopefully none of us would expect of him).

Not all criminals so willingly accept their fates; many fight and attempt to avoid punishment, even when they are fully guilty and know it.

The situtation is bad all the way around for everyone directly affected, and the best that we can hope is that people will learn the lessons that are available from the incident so that it might not happen again or at least as often.

That's fine. Let him represent to our kids what bad behavior will result in, provided when he does speak to the kids it's in the requisite prison garb he'll be wearing as a result of the sentence he deserves in order to emphatically convey to the kids the consequences of his action and of their's if they should go down the path that Mr. Carr chose.

Lord Hear Our Prayers

Seymour Hardy Floyd...

I appreciate your opinion on this subject. I find your piece thoughtfully stated and I commend you on your open mindedness and willingness to consider all parties' thoughts, feelings and reactions. Too bad there aren't more like you in this world.

Bubbs Luvs Jesus...

Can't help but wonder, would Jesus be as callous in the judgement of one man's mistake?

Unfortunately, most of us at one time or another made the same mistake as Mr. Carr. Fortunately, we did not kill someone during our "moment of ignorance". HOwever, if we had, I would want someone like Mr. Floyd in my corner...someone who's willing to recognize my error, but understand my human frailities, as well. I would not want the hypocrits who tend to come out of the woodwork just for the sheer joy of throwing stones and then returning to their glass houses.

Bubba said he LUVS Jesus. He didn't say he IS Jesus. It is OK for his initial reaction to be different.

It is my understanding that a blog is a place for opinions and he has expressed his. There is no need to call him names, Toby.

This is not about judgment or forgiveness at this point.

This is about a young man who experienced a life changing trauma. Although it was self-induced, this is a significant trauma in Tolly's life and a trauma for the victim's family as well.

Tolly is nowhere near ready to talk to a group of students about this event. There is no way he could have processed this yet, as it is not even been a complete event yet.

He has not been sentenced or served his time. Until all that is complete, he cannot possibly share what this has meant in his life. Until he serves his sentence, and then takes the time to process the whole experience, it is irresponsible to even consider sharing his story.

He is a long way from being ready or safe to share this with a group of impressionable and vulnerable children.

It would be a traumatized young man speaking to a large group of children. That is irresponsible. That could very well be harmful to the children and harmful to Tolly. He could very well have a psychotic breakdown in front of the kids. It can also, at this very raw stage, be harmful to the victim's family. They have not had time to process this either.

This is a bad idea all around.

Has anyone bothered to consult a mental health professional before going head long into this?

Terrina,

Thanks for being a voice of reason on this matter. Hopefully, the powers that be will listen. The best interests of the children are the only one that is important here. We don't need another poorly-conceived experiment in our schools at this time, especially one with such possible far-reaching consequences as this.

Tolly Carr has nothing to offer our children. We should not highlight or glorify those that have broken the rules even though they may have recovered and they may have learned something. Role models should be the 99% of people that are not out in the middle of the night drinking vast amounts of alcohol. It is possible that some day he might be helpful in keeping recovered alcoholics on the right path. However, he has no place in public schools.