News-Record.com

My favorite news story of the day:

A British man convicted of being a serial flasher says he couldn't be guilty -- because his genitals are so small, he'd never expose them in public.

From the story:

"During the three-day trial the defendant told the court: "It causes embarrassment to myself, even to the point where it is with my wife. I wouldn't want myself to be seen in public like that.

He showed the jury photographs taken by his wife to prove his claims. "

That's when you know your back's to the wall -- you either go to jail or tell a judge (and the world) that your penis is so small there's no way you'd reveal it in public, for any reason.

And here I thought it couldn't get any stranger than House of M or Infinite Crisis.

The United Nations has teamed with Marvel Comics to produce a comic in which the heroes and the U.N. join together to solve conflicts and fight disease worldwide.

The move's supposed to help the U.N. rehabilitate its somewhat tarnished image -- but I'm not sure that saying: "Hey, if we had some super-powered underwear perverts working with us, we could actually get this stuff done." is the best possible message.

According to the New York Daily News, he is:

"Will Smith has joined the ranks of Hollywood power players actively recruiting for the Church of Scientology.

"Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center.

"Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you."

Greensboro blogger Ed Cone points to a story about a Virginia legislator trying to outlaw truck ornamants that resemble...well, bull testicles.

No, really.

I've yet to see these things on the road, but apparently a lot of guys (and gals, potentially) with pickup trucks like to hang them from their trailer hitches.

The offending pair:

The legislator says he doesn't want to have to explain to his granddaughter what these things are supposed to be. To which I say -- hope she doesn't have a dog at home, pal.

Absolutely in bad taste -- but if Virginia's going to begin outlawing that, the legislature is going to be mighty busy...

Talk about a strange week in rock news -- and it's only Tuesday.

- ABBA's drummer died in a freak garden/broken glass accident in Spain.

- The Raconteurs are rushing the release of their new album, Consolers of the Lonely, to next week.

Stores, fans and the press will all get the album at the same time and it will be available for download from their website.

- Trent Reznor is seeking Nine Inch Nails fans to make the group's next videos.

Radiohead is doing something similar.

- When and if Led Zeppelin hit the tour circuit again their opening act could be...VELVET REVOLVER?!?!

- Apparently the call girl in New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer's recent sex scandal has made upwards of $200,000 in downloads of her songs "What We Want" and "Move Your Body."

And you thought $4,000 a week for sex with the governor was good dough. If she gets a record deal she's going to have to thank the morbidly curious in her liner notes. Also, Larry Flynt's offered her $1 million to pose in Hustler. Who says it's only Julia Roberts who gets a hooker Cinderella story?

LONDON, England (AP) -- British writer and self-styled dandy Sebastian Horsley was denied entry to the United States after arriving to promote his memoir of sex, drugs and flamboyant fashion.
Horsley

Sebastian Horsley was deemed "not admissible" by U.S. customs agents.

Horsley said he was questioned for eight hours Tuesday by border officials at Newark Liberty International Airport in New Jersey before being denied entry on grounds of "moral turpitude."

The 45-year-old author was traveling to New York for the U.S. launch of "Dandy in the Underworld," his account of a life dedicated to sex, drugs and finely tailored clothes.

"I was dressed flamboyantly -- top hat, long velvet coat, gloves," Horsley said. "My one concession to American sensibilities was to remove my nail polish. I thought that would get me through."

Full story here.

----

You've got to scratch your head at a country that treats The Rolling Stones like royalty and lets them tour coast to coast but deports this weird little twist, whose only drug conviction (discharged) happened 25 years ago, because he writes about drugs and hilariously expensive clothes.

Not having to actually tour the U.S. AND getting a ton of free press over this sort of thing? I'm sure Horsley is laughing all the way to the bank.

Also -- I love that this guy's Wikipedia entry begins thusly:

"Sebastian Horsley (born 1962) is a London writer and artist best known for wearing a stovepipe hat."

A new children's book will try to help parents explain their cosmetic surgery procedures to kids. The book, written by Flordia plastic surgeon Michael Salzhauer, is featured in this week's Newsweek.

From the article:

"My Beautiful Mommy" is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

The text doesn't mention the breast augmentation, but the illustrations intentionally show Mom's breasts to be fuller and higher. "I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself," says Salzhauer. "The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin and can't fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old."

Oh, man.

The Mark Twain House and Museum, one of my favorite historical places in America, is in danger of closing.

I've been to the Twain house six times -- three times over the course of a summer I lived not far from it in West Hartford -- and always want to go back.

One of my favorite authors, one of the most fascinating American author related homes in America (walks all over Poe's places in NYC and Baltimore) -- and it may close to the public before my children can see it.

The museum is taking donations through PayPal here.