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Best news item I read all weekend: Steve Martin is financing an off-campus production of one of his plays because some parents at the Oregon high school where it was being staged have thrown a nutty about its "adult content."

The play, Picasso at the Lapin Agile, is about an imaginary meeting between Einstein and Picasso at a bar in Paris as both men are on the verge of great achievements in art and science.

Martin explained his reasoning in this letter to the La Grande observer.

Choice bits from the letter:

"I have heard that some in your community have characterized the play as “people drinking in bars, and treating women as sex objects.” With apologies to William Shakespeare, this is like calling Hamlet a play about a castle."

I predict that the experience will not be damaging, but meaningful.

Mr. Martin -- you have officially made up for those Pink Panther re-makes.

In celebration, I offer this banjo breakdown with the Muppets.

You can't make this stuff up.

Just in time for the reboot of the film series, the new collection from Genki Wear will begin with three scents:

Tiberius (Captain Kirk's middle name)

Red Shirt (from the uniforms of low-level, often doomed crew members in the original series).

And...well...Pon Farr, folks. Pon Farr.

So, it's come to this.

From the ad copy:

"Here's This Season's "Must-Have" iPod Accessory That All The Celebrities in Hollywood Are Clamoring For.

Just fold out the blow wand and exhale into it for at least 5 seconds. 2 seconds later, this amazing tool let's you know if you're within the legal limit to drive. It even houses a timer that can be set from 1 minute up to 8 hours in order to remind you when it's time for the next test."

I'm from the "If you're wondering if you can pass a breathalizer test, don't drive" school myself -- but if potential drunk drivers will listen to their iPods and realize it's a bad idea to get behind the wheel, I guess it's progress.

Billy the Blogging Poet's streetplane, the Wackemall-1, has been recovered!

From N&R reporter Sonja Elmquist's story:

Jones said the Guilford County Deputy N.L. Rider noticed the craft outside 2127 Fairbrother St., when he was serving a warrant near there on Wednesday.

Police found the streetplane less than a half-mile from Jones' house.

It's nice at the end of a crazy busy election week that bloggers and the local newspaper worked together to reunite a crazy blogging poet with a ZZ top beard with his weirdo homemade bike-plane-thingy.

Greensboro's own Billy the Blogging Poet has lost his famous streetplane, the Wackemall-1.

The marvelously weird contraption - which has been featured in Make Magazine, on The Discovery Channel, on the website of Wired magazine and in local and state media -- was stolen from his home.

Keep your eyes peeled -- it's going to be hard to keep this thing hidden -- and call the Greensboro Police if you see it anywhere. The GPD number is 336-373-2222 and it's Case # 2008-1104-252.

UPDATE: N&R public safety reporter Ryan Seals talks with Billy about the theft.

Over at BoingBoing Cory Doctorow is taking a look at a new book about Bat-Manga - the explosion of Batman comic books created for the Japanese market during the 1960s, when the classic Adam West TV series was being marketed there.

The best part of the story? Apparently the Japanese man tasked with selling Batman to his countrymen thought the stories weren't strange and outlandish enough to go over there and made Batman even weirder -- adding robots, dinosaurs and villains that rise from the dead.

My thing is...the American Batman was never weirder than he was in the 1960s. He was already traveling in time, going to different worlds, fighting aliens and magical villains, disguising himself as other super-heroes and...you know, regularly battling one of the weirdest rouges galleries of villains in comic book history with some of the most outlandish gadgetry imaginable. And the Japanese thought that wasn't enough? You'd have to seriously look at their manga and anime to truly wrap your head around that one.

The book, Bat-Manga!: The Secret History of Batman in Japan, is available now.

Check out more photos from the book (including weird Japanese Batman toys) here.

Proper Attire condoms are, apparently, a new brand of condom catering to people who don't feel traditional condoms are "stylish" enough.

The brand's slogan: "Proper Attire: Required for Entry"

From their website:

Old stereotypes about who should buy condoms are so last season! PROPER ATTIRE® condoms are the "must-have" accessory and were designed with sexually active, stylish women in mind.

The fashionably chic PROPER ATTIRE design helps ensure that now you can feel completely comfortable buying condoms and carrying them with you. With 5 trendy styles — Basic (regular); Color (colored); Dots (studded); XL (extra large); and Proper Attire’s Yigal Azrouël Sheer (ultra thin) — PROPER ATTIRE condoms are a safe yet fun way to protect yourself and your partner and do it with style!

While I'm populist in many ways I'm not the kind of guy who shakes his head at brand preference and tells you that it's all the same stuff. There are a number of brands (including condom brands) to which I'm loyal. But the idea that prophylactics just aren't stylish enough is pushing it a little far, isn't it?

It's hard enough being a young guy buying condoms for the first time without worrying that your date is going to think your condoms are "so last season."

"...so I can let them die in jail over a clerical error."

Remember when that movie Rendition came out, and people thought it was far-fetched and sensationalist?

Turns out there's far less international political intrigue and suspicion of espionage than that necessary for people to simply disappear. And die. In U.S. custody. Because of clerical errors.

Today's lesson: If you're a husband, father and law abiding cancer patient, pray that U.S. immigration doesn't screw up your address.

You heard me.

Naked Yoga.

Also, naked dining and stand-up comedy, apparently.

Christian Bale is breaking out the Bat Shark-Repellant, denying he assaulted his mom and sister over the weekend.

Neither mom nor sis are talking about why they had him arrested.

But you've gotta ask yourself: is "Did that guy punch his mom?" the kind of thing you can kill with a statement of denial?

If it's not true, but his mother and sister never come forward and say it's not true, how much does it damage his career?

Billy Bob Thornton was accused of beating his ex-wife (not Angelina), but you don't often see that brought up in interviews these days.

So... Chess-Boxing is a thing now?

I've played chess and I've boxed. I enjoy both but I'm not exceptional at either. But I'd be willing to bet I'd be kind of crap at both if I was trying to do them both at the same time.

Oh, man.

The Mark Twain House and Museum, one of my favorite historical places in America, is in danger of closing.

I've been to the Twain house six times -- three times over the course of a summer I lived not far from it in West Hartford -- and always want to go back.

One of my favorite authors, one of the most fascinating American author related homes in America (walks all over Poe's places in NYC and Baltimore) -- and it may close to the public before my children can see it.

The museum is taking donations through PayPal here.

A new children's book will try to help parents explain their cosmetic surgery procedures to kids. The book, written by Flordia plastic surgeon Michael Salzhauer, is featured in this week's Newsweek.

From the article:

"My Beautiful Mommy" is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: "You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better." Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

The text doesn't mention the breast augmentation, but the illustrations intentionally show Mom's breasts to be fuller and higher. "I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself," says Salzhauer. "The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin and can't fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old."

LONDON, England (AP) -- British writer and self-styled dandy Sebastian Horsley was denied entry to the United States after arriving to promote his memoir of sex, drugs and flamboyant fashion.
Horsley

Sebastian Horsley was deemed "not admissible" by U.S. customs agents.

Horsley said he was questioned for eight hours Tuesday by border officials at Newark Liberty International Airport in New Jersey before being denied entry on grounds of "moral turpitude."

The 45-year-old author was traveling to New York for the U.S. launch of "Dandy in the Underworld," his account of a life dedicated to sex, drugs and finely tailored clothes.

"I was dressed flamboyantly -- top hat, long velvet coat, gloves," Horsley said. "My one concession to American sensibilities was to remove my nail polish. I thought that would get me through."

Full story here.

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You've got to scratch your head at a country that treats The Rolling Stones like royalty and lets them tour coast to coast but deports this weird little twist, whose only drug conviction (discharged) happened 25 years ago, because he writes about drugs and hilariously expensive clothes.

Not having to actually tour the U.S. AND getting a ton of free press over this sort of thing? I'm sure Horsley is laughing all the way to the bank.

Also -- I love that this guy's Wikipedia entry begins thusly:

"Sebastian Horsley (born 1962) is a London writer and artist best known for wearing a stovepipe hat."

Talk about a strange week in rock news -- and it's only Tuesday.

- ABBA's drummer died in a freak garden/broken glass accident in Spain.

- The Raconteurs are rushing the release of their new album, Consolers of the Lonely, to next week.

Stores, fans and the press will all get the album at the same time and it will be available for download from their website.

- Trent Reznor is seeking Nine Inch Nails fans to make the group's next videos.

Radiohead is doing something similar.

- When and if Led Zeppelin hit the tour circuit again their opening act could be...VELVET REVOLVER?!?!

- Apparently the call girl in New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer's recent sex scandal has made upwards of $200,000 in downloads of her songs "What We Want" and "Move Your Body."

And you thought $4,000 a week for sex with the governor was good dough. If she gets a record deal she's going to have to thank the morbidly curious in her liner notes. Also, Larry Flynt's offered her $1 million to pose in Hustler. Who says it's only Julia Roberts who gets a hooker Cinderella story?

Greensboro blogger Ed Cone points to a story about a Virginia legislator trying to outlaw truck ornamants that resemble...well, bull testicles.

No, really.

I've yet to see these things on the road, but apparently a lot of guys (and gals, potentially) with pickup trucks like to hang them from their trailer hitches.

The offending pair:

The legislator says he doesn't want to have to explain to his granddaughter what these things are supposed to be. To which I say -- hope she doesn't have a dog at home, pal.

Absolutely in bad taste -- but if Virginia's going to begin outlawing that, the legislature is going to be mighty busy...

According to the New York Daily News, he is:

"Will Smith has joined the ranks of Hollywood power players actively recruiting for the Church of Scientology.

"Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center.

"Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you."

And here I thought it couldn't get any stranger than House of M or Infinite Crisis.

The United Nations has teamed with Marvel Comics to produce a comic in which the heroes and the U.N. join together to solve conflicts and fight disease worldwide.

The move's supposed to help the U.N. rehabilitate its somewhat tarnished image -- but I'm not sure that saying: "Hey, if we had some super-powered underwear perverts working with us, we could actually get this stuff done." is the best possible message.

My favorite news story of the day:

A British man convicted of being a serial flasher says he couldn't be guilty -- because his genitals are so small, he'd never expose them in public.

From the story:

"During the three-day trial the defendant told the court: "It causes embarrassment to myself, even to the point where it is with my wife. I wouldn't want myself to be seen in public like that.

He showed the jury photographs taken by his wife to prove his claims. "

That's when you know your back's to the wall -- you either go to jail or tell a judge (and the world) that your penis is so small there's no way you'd reveal it in public, for any reason.