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As he made his way up the walkway and into the emergency room at Moses Cone Hospital on Feb. 27, he prayed: "Father, give us the words, let us be your arms, let us be your love. Give us wisdom ... to minister and encourage."
Statistics tell us that 10 students a day die in this country -- from disease, automobile accidents, the list goes on.
How do you bury a child?
"In our mind and in our culture it's not supposed to happen -- you're not supposed to bury a child," says the Rev. Michael Barrett, who agreed to talk in general terms, to respect the family. "From everything I've read ... the most horrific thing that can happen is to bury a child.
"We've had parents say, 'I prayed that first year to die, I hurt so badly.'"
Just a week ago my child's pediatrician sent her to a pediatric surgeon to check out a small knot on her neck — and for a few seconds, I literally could not breathe.
But I still have her to hug one more time (it ended up being nothing serious).
With candor, Barrett, whose calling is to minister to the hurt, tells me that the last week has been painful.
"I cried along with them as I stood in that hospital room and I heard that doctor say she didn't make it," Barrett says.
While careful not to discuss anything that would be considered private, Barrett does say that the family of Valerie -- a young woman of "character" who he also described as "loving" and "vivacious" -- is a family of faith. A family of believers. A family that trusts in God.
But we are all human, and often, there are questions.
Looking out at the congregation during the service that day, youth pastor Jeff Webster saw lots of grief-stricken young people with a gamut of emotions. Some likely angry at God; some finding it hard, but desperately clinging to their faith.
"My heart is not to give them patented answers that people always hear -- 'It will be OK. You will get over it,' " Webster says.
"Which is not true, either," Barrett says.
"We try to be very honest with feelings and emotions. God is big enough for the questions of 'why?' and for all the feelings. It's OK to ask those questions. You might not find the answers, but it's OK to talk through what's going on in your heart."
If we knew all the answers, Tobin says, then we would not be human. We would be God.
In comforting others, the faithful look to scripture -- examples of long-suffering and pain, such as the book of Job, says Webster, who found this past week the perfect opportunity to minister to young people in a very real way.
"They realize their vulnerability, that life is precious, that life is a gift ... that death is real," Webster says. "Our goal is not to, in any way, prey on the emotions of students, but it is to try to point out that there is hope in Christ."
The family was OK with that, Barrett says.
"It was, 'Our loved one knew Christ and will live again, and we want others to have that hope, too,' " Barrett says.
The accident is also a fresh reminder for parents that life is not always what we would have it to be.
"It touches everyone with the reality of, 'What if I had gotten that call?' " Tobin says.