News-Record.com

Not once in that article is there any indication of Mr. Carr accepting responsibility for the death that he is guilty of. All I read in it is "I need,I need,I need,I,I,I".

"And I am in a situation where I need love and I need support," he said. "We need money, we need everything because this is a tough battle that I have to fight."

This is not a battle to be fought. He committed a crime and a man's life was cut short because of his actions and selfishness. A crime he must now pay for.

"The part that tears me up ... is that I know that my mother and my grandmother did all they could, and I did my best to make them proud," Carr said."

I seriously doubt the family of the dead man really gives a damn about what his mother or grandmother thinks right now. This is a situation of his own making and contrary to what he says this is not a case of:

"It only takes a second - it takes one second, and you can tear up something that you have worked your whole life for," he told the packed house in the church."

This "situation" is of his own making and I feel no pity for him. I do hope Mr. Bokhoven's family is receiving the love and support they so desperately need right now. They are the ones that should have been the focus of this article, not the irresponsible drunk that killed their loved one that now seeks forgiveness from the church instead of standing up like a man and accepting whatever punishment the courts deem appropriate.

Right now my wife is in the hospital on a respirator drugged unconcious so her lungs can heal from the effects of pancreatitus that has infected her lungs. The doctors don't know how long it will take for her to heal. They have told me it could be two weeks or two or more months. Right now they just don't know. I am fifty years old with a six year old son in kindergarden and I live on disability and I no longer drive. Fortunately I have a lot of family and friends supporting me during this time. It's times like this when you discover who your true friends are.
Right now I want to send a special thanks to the Piedmont Freethought Association. As soon as they found out about my situation they have moved into action doing what they can to help me and my family through this time. They are truly an admirable group of people proving that love and caring for their fellow man doesn't require any kind of beLIEf in religious nonsense. These people have my unending gratitude.

RebelSnake
A proud member of the PFA

�Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one�s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.� - Ambrose Bierce

Our son Stephen was killed by a hit-and-run driver. A legal loophole, subsequently closed, made it possible for the perpetrators to escape accountability. So, we�ve had good reason to think long and often�obsess, maybe�about accountability. After reading �Anchor Speaks About Accident� and repeatedly watching the video released by Tolly Carr�s lawyer we are moved to respond.

By all accounts, Tolly Carr has been an admirable young man. He appears remorseful; but unfortunately, it seems most about his own fall from �prince to pauper.� He seems to accept no accountability for what he did to someone else, but rather laments most that his own life has been devastated. As much as that is true--and we are truly saddened by that fact--we hope he can learn a different expression of sorrow.

We know, from the victim's side, how the family of Casey Bokhoven must feel after seeing that video. We heard similar "apologies" after our son's death from those involved: sorrow for our loss, sorrow for the anguish visited on their lives, and most distressing, sorrow that this event had �happened,� somehow independent of their own decisions and actions.

Perhaps it is unintended, or perhaps he�s been legally advised to be cautious. Either way, Carr�s words are an inadequate gesture. He asked for prayers that the Bokhoven family might get over their anger. His kind of apology will likely make them more angry, and justifiably so. The only satisfactory apology is one that acknowledges accountability: �I�m sorry for the choices I did or did not make, for the actions I did or did not take, for the awful thing I did to you.� Those are words quite different from �I�m sorry for your loss; I�m sorry that you�re angry; I�m sorry my own life has been ruined.�

Alexander Pope wrote, �A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.� That kind of wisdom demands enormous strength. It requires choosing consistently to answer for one�s own behavior.

We do not wish ill of Mr. Carr. No good ever comes from vengeance. We do hope, however, that he realizes this important difference. Things can be responsible: a tornado, a star falling from the sky, even a swerving car. But only people can elect to be accountable. People with the moral courage to step forward and say, for good or ill, �I did this, and I am sorry for what it caused.�

We hope that Tolly Carr, a good and decent man, will find that courage. And we pray that the Bockhoven family might accept that as a first step on their long road to forgiveness.

George and Pat Gates

Until I saw that church video, I felt at least some grief for Tolly Carr. But not anymore.

He led off his speech with an appeal to pray for the family of the man killed, but attributed their anger to "a phase" they're going through.

Carr then shifted attention to himself, saying (I paraphrase): "pray for me, support me, give me money for my battle"; "most of all, I feel sorry for my mother and grandmother"; "when this IS OVER, I will get on with my life"; "I was a prince, now I'm a pauper", etc., etc., etc.

When he lamented, "In one second, everything I'VE WORKED FOR for is gone" and the congregation cheered in support, where was the realization that the same second ended the existence of Casey Bokhoven?

The self-absorption evidenced in that video, even by the congregation, is astonishing and revolting.

If the victim had been the precious child of the pastor, would Carr have been welcomed on that altar? If so, when he asked for support and money, would the congregation have applauded him? Would the pastor have smiled and patted him on the back if it was his grief and not the Bokhoven family's?

If the body of Casey Bokhoven, with its skull crushed by Carr's F150, were there on the altar, and Tolly Carr had said the same words, would the spirit in that tabernacle have been so vibrant?

Perhaps I need to draw on the extraordinary faith of the above writers, George and Pat Gates, to divine the answer.

Regardless, Tolly, wake up- it ain't about you. It's about Casey Bokhoven and in a greater sense about all victims, now and in the future, of "negligent" drivers. The facts are not in, so I can only say you ALLEGEDLY went out to party, drank, got into your truck intoxicated, drove around barricades onto a closed street at an accelerated rate of speed and slaughtered a human being. If the allegations are true,
that's not a "mistake", that's willful, aggravated and criminal disregard for the lives of others.

At the moment when you could have risen to that altar in that house of God and begged forgiveness, you begged SUPPORT.

Ms. Nancy's headline, "Tolly Carr's Appearance Full of Emotion" is undoubtedly true. Tolly Carr did get emotional.

About Tolly Carr.

I agree with those who found the video somewhat disturbing. It is typical of our time and our unbiblical, humanist culture. In a way, Tolly was just acting out what he had seen in the news and movies: criminals are the real victims, and the ones they’ve harmed are somehow the guilty party. Murderers are pictured as the pitiable victims of society, while the lives they’ve snuffed out prematurely, often in a gruesome manner, seem unworthy of justice – capital punishment or otherwise.

It is interesting to read how people in this blog want Tolly to receive his just punishment, and deride his self-preoccupation; which is simply his effort to try to deal with the intense guilt he must be sensing – guilt always throws the spotlight on one’s self. Obviously, he is not ready to face up to his responsibility in taking another’s life careless manner. The church and the pastor did not think it through either, and were undoubtedly just trying to help. The pastor should never have let him get up and speak in that manner – especially before the media; which is the last arena in which it should have been happening.

However, the intense criticism that many on this blog are hurling against both the church and Tolly are obviously motivated by anti-Christian bias as well. True, it was not done well, but they were trying to help him deal with his crushing guilt. Just give him time, and he will come to terms with it. It appears that he does have faith in God’s mercy, but will need some time to receive it fully.

“proving that love and caring for their fellow man doesn't require any kind of beLIEf in religious nonsense.” (RS)

I am truly sorry that your wife is ill and I hope she is well very soon. I find it puzzling how someone who has known the very thing that Christ and the Apostles taught with such passion and commitment could so casually impugn the faith of those who find immense comfort and help in God’s presence and love. How would you feel if someone told you that your friends care and concern was nonsense?
I would never say that; I’m sure they do indeed care. All love is God’s love.

“A crime he must now pay for” (RS) It is also interesting that many who constantly denounce God’s law and His judgments for crimes against the innocent are so vehement to see Tolly receive his due. Indeed, he must, and should. But with God, all things are redemptive. I think of many who come to know Christ in the most dire circumstances: sickness, adversity, war, loss, jail, etc. I think of Charles Colson and others. It is only when we see the true horror of sin – especially our own – that we begin to appreciate God’s mercy, and the power of the cross.

I read the write-up of this video in the newspaper, and I've benn thinking about it. The thing that stood out for me is that this fellow spoke of his upcoming "battle." I wonder what sort of battle his coming up for?

A battle to beat the charge(s)? A battle to get back to work and keep his home/posessions intact? A battle to overcome alcoholism? The sort of battle he is planning to fight will speak volumes to tell the world much about this man's true character.

I just watched the clip....sickening is all I can say. I agree with what many have posted, & I will reiterate, the part that sickens me & gives me great sorrow for the Bokhoven family is his lack of remorse. Sometimes we have to step up & be human, & not be some puppet to our legal team. If Tolly is being hushed for legal reasons, that sickens me even more. Just stand up & be a man & say "I'm sorry....I did this...I made a bad decision" & accept your punishment. Honestly, if I were the judge or jury I would be more apt to give a lesser sentence if some sort of remorse was shown & accountability was given. At this point I see none of that...other than from his African-American community(which also greatly saddens me, if Casey had killed Tolly, they'd want his head on a platter...but because of his skin color, they'll fork over thousands of dollars to help him...not giving thought to the fact he did something very wrong!...makes one wonder if Tolly had hit a young black child how the fall-out would look at this point....). I supported my friend that had a 14 year-old daughter that was coerced into sex by a 28 year-old black man. It revolted us about the age (not the skin color) & after we found out he'd done it to several other young girls, legal ramifications were pursued. I was further disgusted to see this man's church come & literally hand over thousands of dollars to support his legal battle. I am a Christian, but I don't think God meant for us to encourage criminal activity by handing over support (monetary & otherwise) to rapists & murderers. Everyone has a sob story....God gave us free will to be able to decipher between HIS word & the serpent's!

I'm wondering if Carr belonged to this church and was talking to members as members of his "church family." I read somewhere that the video was only released after word circulated that he was soliciting money and the attorney wanted to prove that that was not the case.

I admit that hearing Carr talk about a 'battle' was unsettling for me, knowing there was a death and that he might have been under the influence. But I guess that's the way of the legal system. It's not if you did or didn't do it -- can anybody prove it.

But did anybody else-- when the Gates wrote about people stepping forward and saying 'I did it' and 'I'm sorry,'-- think about the last time that actually happened-- when it wasn't a part of a sentencing plea?

Nancy - it almost seems like you're resigned to the fact that the legal system makes it ok to hush their clients to avoid responsibility. Whether this was Tolly Carr or Mr. All American, I wouldn't care....whoever commits a crime like this (one that is so one-sided & seemingly obvious) should own up & admit to their mistakes. Yes, he made a mistake doing something that many other people have done & not had the same consequences but that's how our world works. My brother died of HIV/AIDS from having sex with the wrong person. He was actually less promiscuous than every friend I've had & myself included in my growing up years...but you roll the dice & sometimes it catches up to you & sometimes it doesn't. There's no rhyme or reason...the point is that we ALL try to learn from it & make better choices. The dangers of drinking & driving are not new....we all have heard similar horror stories, so Tolly cannot plead ignorance. He may have done this a million times & it finally caught up with him....OR he may have done it just this once...regardless it was wrong & his actions should be punished. If it were me, I'd expect no different. Please don't make it seem ok for him to hide behind his lawyers.

Also, as a side note...I know someone who works at WXII & I knew Friday night that Tolly was going to speak at his church because he had already announced it, & he KNEW it would be broadcast....so that was not a surprise to him, & it was probably his way of getting the word out even further of his desire for monetary assistance. I wonder how many people the Bokhoven's "hit up for money"...should they go on TV & say "this is how much our funeral costs were, who's gonna pay this???!!" Isn't contributing to Tolly's fund literally helping him "get away with murder!"?

I was being sarcastic when I made the comment about the legal system. I watch Court TV a lot, and it's amazing what people get away because of a technicality or just because there's proof, but not legal proof.

I'm a proponent of forgiveness, but not forgiveness at the exclusion of anything else (like discipline or consequences).

I have several issues with this speech because Carr seems to go back and forth with what he wants. Of course he is going to talk about himself, what he wants, and what he needs, its human nature, but I would like to know if he had real remorse for the victim's family. He talks about getting on with his life after all this is over. Does it matter to him that he killed another man? Or is he legally being forced not to talk about the actual case? Before I read this article I had heard a clip and that his lawyer had no idea what he was going to say. I felt bad for all parties involved before Carr did this, but now I'm beginning to have second thoughts. I wish I could find more details as to whether or not he was given specific instructions, or even thought this out before speaking. As a person that had a career in public media I would think he should have had more common sense then this.

Sorry Nancy...sarcasm is hard to catch in email....excuse my error. Thank goodness you're a proponent of forgiveness :-)

I read above: "I find it puzzling how someone who has known the very thing that Christ and the Apostles taught with such passion and commitment could so casually impugn the faith." [of others].

Puzzling indeed, is the irony of that statement just a few words away from these: "...the intense criticism that many on this blog are hurling against both the church and Tolly are obviously motivated by anti-Christian bias as well."

Not puzzling, actually, but exasperating, this judgmental certainty. Anyone who has not walked in either set of shoes might think twice before speaking with such certainty.

Yes, there is pain and guilt and confusion on one part. That's understandable and sad. But it pales in the face of the loss of the Bockhoven family.

Our original point, rooted in awful personal experience, is simply this: that pain is only deepened by a teflon apology to which no personal accountability sticks. I can forgive and still expect that accountability. It's the justice that balances mercy.

Ok..to all of you lawyers and jurors who have not been appointed but just have an opinion. You all need to know that God says in:1John1:9 "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. It did not say to confess to people... and If you look also at the next verse 1John1:10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. Now you all talk about God but do you really know Him. God is just and He is a forgiven God. So, you better think about the pen you stole from work before you start casting stones. Sin is Sin. The same as driving drunk you made the decision to steal.

Thus sayeth the man with the black-and-white sunglasses. That sort of attitude -- that stealing a pen is morally equivalent to killing another human being -- is what gets us into more trouble than just about anything I know of.

"Just Me," you're not wrong, exactly, but the Bible does also ask us to be accountable to one another, and to help our brothers grow by making them responsible for their actions and choices.

Many of us believe that Tolly Carr will answer to God for the choices that he made on March 11 that caused a sweet young man to lose his life. But God also instructed us to MAKE laws, and to FOLLOW man's laws.

Whether or not it was intended, your comment is among the most judgmental on this page. It is our responsibility to our community to protect it and keep it safe by GOD's sanction.

Jesus was an empathetic man, who felt the pain of others. Perhaps your fellow Christians who have posted here are experiencing compassion for the family who lost their young son. In addition, they are picking up the gauntlet of governing their fellow man.

If you believe that Tolly Carr should deserve a full pardon because God says so, then I suggest you consult your Pastor. No one wants to hang Tolly Carr. We simply want for him to accept responsibility for his actions, which includes apologizing for them, and serve his time with appropriate humility.

Grace is a gift from God that is not based on what we "deserve," but God asks us to be righteous, and what you are witnessing here is Righteous Anger.

Maybe it's would be easier to say "all who asks for forgiveness is forgiven" had he ASKED FOR FORGIVENESS. He never ONCE mentioned the young man that he KILLED. He never ONCE said his name. That is not asking for forgiveness. All he asked for was money, support, and love...FOR HIMSELF and FOR HIS FAMILY. What about Casey's family?

In utter disgust I sat and watched Mr. Carr with his not so sorry speech for taking the life a human. Like others I felt sorry for him knowing that this could have happened to almost anyone (this as of course before his tv appearance). All I could think is that his speech sounded just like a broadcaster very empty and emotion less. He does this for a living but please show some compassion for a mans life lost in which you were responsible for taking. Also stop referring to yourself in the third person just fess up to what you did and try to let the healing process begin for Casey Bokhovens family. I do pray for the Bokhoven family as well as Mr. Carr ad hope we have all learned a lesson from this tragedy .

According to Matthew 27, two criminals that were crucified on either side of Christ.

“ . . . one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed Him, saying, “If You are the Christ, save Yourself and us.” But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying, “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.” And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.”

Both were being crucified for certain crimes. The other Gospel accounts refer to them as thieves and do not give the detail Luke does. We do not know whether their crimes were PROVEN in court or not; but let's assume they were. One was personally repentant and begged Jesus to remember him. They other derided Him.

The legal sanction was carried out in regard to both of them. Jesus received and forgave the one because he was PERSONALLY repentant. The other went to his death unforgiven. God has instituted laws and sanctions for the stability of a society, which must be carried out consistently in order for it to work – i.e. preserve order and justice. On a personal basis, He extends forgiveness, and deletion of sentence, on the basis to the cross, where personal sins are atoned for (provisionally through the OT sacrificial system, but now through faith in Messiah’s atoning sacrifice).

Unless we maintain a clear distinction between public law and order – and personal remission of sins, we fall into confusion. A drug dealer may be sentenced to 30 years in prison, but will not be released just because he becomes a Christian and knows the personal forgiveness of sins. While St. Paul says,

“Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God . . . For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.”

He also says in Romans 4:7 & 8, quoting Daivd: Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, And whose sins are covered; Blessed is the man to whom the LORD shall not impute sin.”

He does not say “the society whose sins are covered.” The former passage deals specifically with the legal system GOD has instituted for all mankind; the latter deals with the personal application of the atonement. Only individuals can be saved. A society may benefit from the cumulative results of the salvation of souls, but does not have a singular volition. God’s dealings with national Israel in the OT were special and indeed national in scope. Such is not the case today.

And so, Tolly may indeed know the blessing and forgiveness of Christ’s atonement for individual transgressors, but will have to face the just penalties of the legal system, like any other offender. Responsibility and order are maintained at the same time that God’s mercy and redemption are applied to individual souls.

Such sensitive and legally involved statements as were made should have been done in private. NOWHERE does Scripture ask people to air their sins in public, knowing the confusion and distortion it can cause. Some may cite Matt. 18. 17 where a transgressor refuses to respond to confrontation by an individual, then to two or three persons. V. 17 “And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” “Church” here is obviously an adaptation to Christian terminology, and refers to the synagogue in the temporal context. And it most certainly does NOT mean the public gathering of the congregation, but to the elders or council. The pastor or council representative could relate pertinent information regarding the incident to the congregation. Letting the offending person do so is just asking for trouble. Case in point.

At any rate, it is time to let it be, and let the courts and God take their due course, repenting of our own sins in humility and faith.

To all who said that Tolly has not asked for forgiveness, how do you know? You can not determine what you saw on a video tape that he has not ask for forgiveness. You don't live in Tolly's house and you don't live in his heart. Tolly has probably been down on his knees many of nights asking for forgiveness. You don't have to hear or see a person ask for forgiveness. It is not for you to judge him because, you have not seen or heard him ask for forvgiveness. Even if he did ask for forgivness and you saw him with your own eyes, half of you would probably not be satisfied with that either. Some would probably say he did not have enough expression on his face. You would have something else to complain about. You are never satisfied. Tolly knows that he can't please everyone. Everybody have their own way of expressing remorse. Because he doesn't do it the way you would do it...don't judge him. He is not you. If a parent who has lost a child doesn't cry before everyone at the funeral does that mean she didn't love her child? Does it mean that she is not sorrowful. NO! But I bet many of you would have something to say about that. Why don't you all just let God and the court be the decider of Tolly!!

Want to Know you make good points -- especially the comparison to the parent who doesn't cry at the funeral. I think it's easy to pick apart the five minutes of a person's day and get it wrong --but it's also easy to be cynical about a person's motives when they intimate that they need a lot of money, a lot of support. I think people read into his words, "I need you to help me beat this."

"And I am in a situation where I need love and I need support," he said. "We need money, we need everything because this is a tough battle that I have to fight."

We read what he said Nancy.

So...he was talking to a congregation that was not standing in judgement. He was talking to a congregation who knows..who is the author and finisher of Tolly's faith. Have you heard from any of the church memebers who have said that Tolly shouldn't have said that? My question is, are the people that are complaining about what Tolly said are they people he spoke to? That was just a thought you don't have to answer that question.

It would be good if there were more definite cues, when Mr. Carr "expresses remorse" in his "own way" (as Want to Know argues we all do, which is true WITHIN LIMITS, or else who is to say telling someone you hate them or were oneself a victim would count as "being remorseful", simply because it would be "one's own way" of expressing it).

It would be clearer were it expressed in a way which was patently, clearly remorseful, not psychoanalytical of the family of the young man killed by Carr's likely tragic error, possible negligence or even potential criminal action.

It also did not aid the need to communicate clear remorse, either, to appear immediately focused on his own need for money to beat something from what seems to come across as his perceived put-upon perspective.

To "Want to Know"--I don't think anyone is saying that Tolly isn't allowed to grieve as he so chooses, but in a volatile situation such as this..and being the very public person that he is due to his job...it would almost seem obvious to anyone with a little bit of legal knowledge that his lawyer would advise him that the general public would want to see him at least look slightly forlorn about the whole incident...if nothing more than to make him look better in the public eye (given his job, I would assume this is very important). Also "Want to Know", this page is specifically for the public to discuss their opinions...as varying as they may be..we are still allowed to do that, right? I don't agree with some people's viewpoints but I won't tell them to stop thinking that way because that is their right. If we think Tolly should've been more remorseful...hey..that's our opinion then.

I DONT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM AT ALL, AND I THINK IT IS A SHAME THEY HAVE LET HIS (expletive) STILL BE OUT ON THE STREETS. THE ONLY REASON HE WENT INTO RE HAB IS TO MAKE HIS SELF LOOK GOOD IN COURT. I THINK HIS (expletive) SHOULD GET HARD TIME FOR THE MURDER OF THE BOY, AND IF HIS (expletive) GOES FREE, THEN THEY SHOULD LOCK THE DOORS TO THE JAILS, AND PRISONS, AND LET ALL THE SCUMS RUN FREE.

I haven't heard he's in rehab. Was that reported somewhere?

I have been through this kind of hell the Bokhovens are going through and I know some of their nightmarish pain. The drunk driver who killed our son, likewise was only concerned with his future outcome. He has never spoken to us nor have his parents. He now sits in prison but only for a year and a half before he will be allowed to continue on with his life. That is not justice. Our son's life was instantly snuffed out by one drunk's arrogance in thinking he could drink and drive while thumbing his nose at the legal system. This young man, who killed our son, had driven drunk many times before, been arrested for speeding and DWI, but never convicted. Why? Because there are plenty of sleazy DWI lawyers who know how to manipulate the system . The legal system is a broken one that allows many of those charged with DWIs to repeatedly get their cases dismissed. Even when they do kill, it is often treated as an "oops, terrible mistake" and they only get charged with felony involuntary manslaughter rather than second degree murder.
Now I wonder how many times Tolly Carr slid behind the wheel of his truck after having too much to drink and proceeded to drive. Does he have any prior DWI charges which have been dismissed? Even if the answer is none, Tolly Carr has no excuses. Being a new anchor, to say that he did not understand the dangers of drinking and driving, is clearly ludicrous. He reported on DWI fatalities on many an occasion. Any good judge will point out this to him and the community that there are no excuses for such a senseless fatality. Carr needs to go to prison. Then he can have his "come to Jesus" speech before the cameras.
You can talk about forgiveness all you want but until you have walked in my or the Bokhovens' shoes, you will never understand the difference between forgiveness and reconciiiation. Only one person (other than God) can truly forgive Tolly Carr and that is Casey Bokhoven. My heart aches for the Bokhovens. Their pain is immeasurable. Of that I am certain.

I Can Agree With Most Posts On Here. I Feel Truly Sorry For The Bokhovens, And I Have Empathy For Tolly. He Chose To Make A Bad Decision, One That I Am Sure He Will Always Regret. It Being Said That He Is Out For Himself And Isnt Remorsful Is Outlandish, Mainly Because We Do Not Know The Conversations That He Has Had With God. Who Are We To Say? Tolly Doesnt Have To Answer To Us. And All These Bible Scriptures That Everyone Is Putting, Whatever Happened To The One That Says Judge Not?

Why does Tolly Carr think he can help our high school students- he made a horrible decision to drink and drive exactly what we tell our children not to do. Please keep him in jail where he belongs for taking another young mans life because of his lack of responsibility. If he wants to come to schools in his jail attire and shackels to share bring him on otherwise leave him there to pay for his crime. Unfortunately his victim no longer has the opportunity to even live- his family is surely grieving and my prayers go out to them - maybe they can share with school children the devastion this has brought to them- Tolly doesn't deserve a break - Mr. Bochaven did not get one.