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Last week was one of those weeks where I wondered, "Is now really the best time to make substantial changes to my life?" Everything just seemed stressful with work and a sick child and I was glad to have the luxury this morning of sleeping in. As typical during weeks like this, I cut corners in my food preparation. I still have yet to plan my garden plot for this year and I'm trying to balance the investments I make in a more sustainable lifestyle with other business-as-usual, but needed, spending.

On top of that, my husband and I have to manage the constant sinking ship fears of job insecurity and rising food and gas prices. And we oscillate between wanting to settle here in Greensboro or stay flexible in case one of us gets laid off. (By the way, a humorous take on layoffs, if there is one.)

I grew up in the military and am used to adapting to new locales, but as I approach 30 with an infant child I have started to grow weary of moving around. I long to feel part of a community and community-building takes time. Making substantial changes such as downshifting, altering shopping habits, eating better, thinking through one's problems and engaging government and community leaders takes time as well.  All those things are difficult to do when you are thinking about your next home, your next job, your next paycheck. And it's even worse when you're trying to stay afloat because you're spending a significant portion of your income paying other people to do what most can do better themselves, i.e. childcare.

So, the above mentioned often make me quite skeptical that individual efforts will create enough force in this area to get past the factionalism, petty arguments and obsolete ideologies. I remain hopeful though that the prism through which I consider these realities (my own flawed state) will improve so that the world outside will improve too.

Fortunately, from time to time I run across the inspiring thoughts of others. Frequently those thoughts come from outside Greensboro and North Carolina, but I am increasingly meeting people here who can nod their heads in empathy. What have I learned from them? That I have to not beat myself up, that I have to accept and forgive others and myself for our failings, but that I must have faith and push toward that right livelihood, realizing this is a lifelong journey. What I must decide for myself is if that life is an end or a means, how hard I'm willing to push and what my limits are.