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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

And now, our captions are being outsourced. Yes, that's right, the winner is from Canada. Ah, I remember the day when the U.S. made unquestionably the finest gags in the world. But alas, we grew fat and lazy and the quality started to drop off. And we failed to notice the trend toward lighter, more economical captions as we still clung to our big inefficient and wasteful jokes. And now this. Can we as a nation reclaim our place as caption-capital of the world? Tune in next week ...

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
It's Better than the skiing vending machine (Wallace and Grommit)
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
I had to list this one as I'm a huge fan of Wallace and Grommit

BEST INSIDE JOKE
“But I was expecting a July 4th cartoon theme this week…”
Gray Amick, Greensboro Planetarium
I liked this, and we sorta have a July 4th theme THIS week, with the fireworks.

Honorable mention - Joel Clark took offense at my declaration last week that CC was uncatchable. - “We will program it to write our captions, even though CC’s uncatchable.“
I touched a nerve...

WINNER
"Son, I think it's time you knew. You're adopted."
Heidi Huber, Ontario, Canada

RUNNERS-UP
"What's with the Clinton and Obama stickers on the side?"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Quick turn back into a rock!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Well maybe we got some ice crystals and maybe we ain't."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"We need to re-think our immigration policy."
Debra S. Watson, Eden

"It's not fair, they get crop circles and we only get tire tracks."
Gray Amick, Greensboro Planetarium

My Native American friend says to take this very seriously.
Darrell Clark

"Ma, it followed me home. Can I keep it?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

I wish they'd send more Beatles music instead.
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville
This was almost too obscure to make the list.

THE REST
1. Out of gas!
2. Looks like another hunk of junk to me.
3. Nice set of wheels!
4. Can you give us a ride!
5. We're lost, do you gave GPS.
6. Go, Wall-E, Wall-E, Wall-E!
7. I bet it's a gas guzzler.
8. He just doesn't have the same feelings that I have!
9. It's alive, it's alive!
10. Don't think you can roll over me!
11. You're lost, don't you have GPS?!
12. Stop polluting our world!
13. Wall-E, Go Home!
14. Do you think we can trade him in for ET?
15. He has to die for eyes.
16. Wall-E, take us home.
17. Son, stop bringing home strange aliens you don't know where they've been.
18. Far out!
19. He only has eyes for EVE.
20. He's so cute! 21. He's strange, his pet Dude is a cockroach.
22. He just don't fit in!
23. Is that Johnny 5 or Walle-E, they all look alike to me!
Nancy Nelson

"I think it's some kind of toaster."
"Mr. XYLzL, go check the immigation exclusion laws at once."
"Ma, it followed me home. Can I keep it?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Oh well, There goes the neighborhood!"
"Quick, duck, here it comes again!"
"I wonder if there is intelligent life where it comes from?"
"I think I saw that thing down by the river today!"
"I want to take a ride, but I couldn't find the saddle!"
"What's with the Clinton and Obama stickers on the side?"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Love the new outfit, but I'll bet it cost her a bundle."
Royce Riddick, Greensboro

24. Rolling, rolling, rolling!
25. Bet he can't do a wheelie!
26. Another oil guzzler!
27. Wonder if he's as smart as our Fifth Grader!
28. Sounds like another American Idol.
Nancy Nelson

"Not a very friendly feller, is he?"
Deb Moore, Graham
"It may be looking for water, let's offer it an Aquafina."
"It showed up in 69 same time Tiger Woods was practicing."
"Pretty fancy pooper scooper."
Rick Meehan, Graham
Reading these again, the pooper scooper one was worth serious consideration

29. Remember Mom said don't talk to strangers!
30. Mom warned us about strangers.
31. Wonder if it's edible!
32. It looks good enough to eat.
33. You first, no you first! 3
4. Is this what you call modern art!
35. Ask him to pop a wheelie for us.
36. How can this thing save our world?
37. I don't understand the need for these new-fangled inventions!
39. I knew I shouldn't have wished upon that star!
40. Holy Moly!
41. Mum's the word, Aliens don't really exist!
Nancy Nelson

"They say the gas mileage is great!"
Marilyn Ruberg , Greensboro

38. Hang Ten!
42. What are the fancy flaps for, do you think he can fly?
43. How much do you think it costs.
44. You broke it, you fix it!
45. It's just an expensive toy!
46. Boys and their toys.
47. I bet we can win the Soap Box Derby this year!
Nancy Nelson

"I thought you said your mother was getting "a little" work done"
Tricia Brassel, High Point

"Camera's rolling! Say "cheese."
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

1. I think I'm in love
2. So baby... what's your sign?
3. Well, at least this time they got the metric vs. English thing right...
4. This one's an oldie but a goody! New tires, chrome exterior, 20-year warranty...
5. I wonder how many MPG it gets.
6. Quick! Hide the oceans!!
7. Quick! Hide the water!!
8. Quick! Bury the ice!!
9. ...courtesy of 'Brewster Rockit: Space Guy!?' Who's that clown?!
10. What on God's red Mars...?
11. I wish they'd send more Beatles music instead.
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

"There goes the neighborhood!
Ellen Ashley, Greensboro
I was wondering how long it would take to get this entry.

Bet it can't even dance - just look at those straight legs!
Joan Lux ,Greensboro

Earthlings don't talk...all they do is make whizzing noises & beeps...
Ray Kislowski, Sr., McLeansville

What kind of mileage does that thing get?
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"Show off, he's from your fathers' side of the family!"
"With all that metal you'd think he’d be afraid of lightning."
"Oh no, another alien has landed, what are we to do with so many of them coming here?"
"Notice, he doesn't have a leg to stand on!"
"Star light, star bright first alien I see tonight!"
Patricia Comer

Looks alien to me.
Think Triple A could help?
It's Star Powered.
What does she have I don"t?
Does it suck gas?
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Christine, I liked the “triple A” one and the “ and the “What does she have I don't?” one. I included them on the short-list that I show the other judges. They didn’t survive the next round though.

"The robotic arm is a nice touch but they would have found us sooner if they just had a camera."
"An Alien!!!!"
"I thought they were intelligent life"
"What kind of name is NASA?"
"You said they didn't exist!!!"
"Skeptic turned believer"
"No one's gonna believe us"
"ebPfg hz d\i"
Park Groves, Greensboro
Some good ones here, but none that made it through.

He's too old for us if he starts doing the moonwalk.
He says he's here to pick up our recyclables.
Sounded like he said "paper bags" . . . our "heads."
Why does he keep asking if we ride horses?
He must have a real appetite for green cheese?
I bet his ringtone is "Blue Moon."
What does "beep . . . beep-beep . . .beeeeeeep" mean?
It's not like anything I studied in health and hygiene class.
Where's Miami?
He must have a real appetite for green cheese.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"My mama said there would be boys like this, boys like this, my mama said..."
OR (shorter): "My mama said there would be boys like this....."
Marcia James

"Jeepers creepers, look at IT 's Peepers!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Pixar lied to us, this is not Wall-E!"
"And I thought that the humans looked weird at Stonehenge!"
Paul Smith, Asheboro

Sorry, pal. This ain't Mars.
Good try! You only missed that other planet by three trillion light years.
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

48. Meet Brewster Rockitt's running mate for intergalatic president.
49. Obama chose Wall-E instead of Hillary for his running mate!
50. Is this Dr. Mel's electromagnetic force?!
51. Where does the CD go?
52. Where does the DVD go?
53. Does it have a MPG player or an IPOD?
54. Smile, he's probably from Candid Camera!
55. Walle-E Go Home.
56. Good Golly it's Wall-E!
57. What do I say, he's the first movie star I've ever met?!
58. Smile you're on Candid Camera!
59. There's no such thing as aliens!
60. Your father doesn't approve of your dating aliens.
61. Hit the road Jack and don't you come back.....!
62. Don't get too close, it may be taking specimens back to its' home planet.
63. We're already on the endangered species list, so don't get too close.
64. Our planet is turning into a garage dump!
65. He's just some reject from another world!
66. Do you think we can recycle him?
67. When are we going to close our borders?
68. Reduce, Reuse and Recycle!
69. He says he wants us to go GREEN!!!
70. He'll do great in our Roller Derby.
72. Pop, what kind of games do you think he plays?!
73. Friend or Foe?!
Nancy Nelson
Number 67 was considered, but we received a a couple other entries along the same line. I gave the benefit to our snail-mailer simply because they are under-represented in the paper because they are often beaten to the punch-line through no fault of their own.

1. Not from around here are you?
2. He must work out. Look at the size of those solar panels!
3. He's on the quiet side but look at those pecs!
4. Must be the 2010 Prius.
5. Need to see your driver's license, proof of insurance and registration please.
6. I don't care what your travel agent told you; there isn't a Marriott within a million light years of here.
7. I'm a night person, you're a day person. I just don't see how our relationship can continue.
8. Okay guys, make it look real. If they don't think we made it to Mars we won't get funding for next year.
9. I don't know Zeldor, who will believe we actually encountered an ET. They're just going to say we had too many red dust shooters.
10. Straight ahead for a mile, then turn left, Wal-Mart will be on your right.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"Well, he did say it was great for day trips."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

1. So this is your new convertible.
2. What kind of gas mileage do you get?
Rose Bailey

"No it's not a UFO, it's an SUV."
Jim Bober, Greensboro, NC

"Your mother has put on a few solar panels"
Cheryl Bober, Greensboro
Nice

74. Don't touch!!
75. Those things carry all kinds of diseases that could wipe us out!
76. Who said EVERYBODY loves Wall-E?
77. Our world isn't a garbage dump.
78. How much do you think we'll get for him in our yard sale?!
79. Antiques go for big bucks these days!
80. He's "Lost In Space"!
81. Tin Man, where's Dorothy?
Nancy Nelson

"Intelligent life would have built something that could talk to us."
There are no gas stations on Mars. What a Terrain.
This is what your planet looks like after the fossil fuel is gone.
You were expecting ET?
No, we aren't all gray!
What do you mean you are xenophobic?
You were expecting Bi-Peds?
Ooo - Nice Wheels.
It's Better than the skiing vending machine (Wallace and Grommit)
Is this your first visit to our planet?
Sorry - no Starbucks here.
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro

"Wouldn't you just know it? One of the Jonz family is the first to transvolve into a hex rotary solar powered creature."
Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

1."I BET HE'S AN ILLEGAL ALIEN."
2."THIS WAS CHEAPER THAN CABLE."
3."SO HOW MANY CHANNELS CAN WE GET?"
4."NOW WE CAN SPY ON THE NEIGHBORS."
5."I WONDER HOW MUCH WE CAN GET FOR THIS THING AT THE PAWN SHOP?"
6."IT'S A BRIBE FROM BREWSTER ROCKET HE WANTS TO VISIT."
7."BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING US."
PAULA HAIRSTON, GREENSBORO

"I don't care if it WAS on sale!"
"You're old enough to know. I'm not your father. Your mother had an one-night-stand with Spudnik."
"Weren't you in the least suspicious when he asked for a screwdriver?"
"That thing's NEVER going to get off the ground!"
"Must you bring home every piece of space-junk?"
"That's going to cost us a FORTUNE in gas!"
"Marge, those parts look suspiciously like my satellite dish!"
"THIS is what your expensive university degree gets us?"
"For THIS you spent four years in university?"
"That boy is so grounded!"
"The Borg!! There goes the neighbourhood!"
"I TOLD you not to invite them. But NOOOOOO. Do you listen to me?"
"I don't care if it gets great mileage, I wouldn't be caught dead in that!"
"Son, I think it's time you knew. You're adopted."
"Why didn't you TELL me your mother was coming to visit?"
"Doesn't he look handsome in his uniform? They're invading the third rock from the sun, you know."
Heidi Huber, Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada
Some other strong entries besides the one that won, eh?

Water? We didn't even have Chai Tea until Starbucks showed up.
David Robinette, Greensboro

"THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD."
"DO YOU THINK HE HAS HEARD OF WD40?"
Sue Minor, High Point

1. Don't worry, my son made it with his Erector set.
2. It'll never replace my Suburban.
3. The face bears a strange resemblance to my Mother-In-Law.
4. I'd rather see $6.00 gas then drive that
5. NASA is at it again.
6. Doesn't NASA ever quit?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1) "Quick turn back into a rock!"
2) "How many MP3's do you think it will hold?"
3) "If it's anything like us it will want to see our leader."
4) "That better be a hybrid!"
5) "We will program it to write our captions, even though CC's uncatchable."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

82. Look what managed to get thru our black hole!
83. Did he "Short Circuit"?
84. KITT is way cooler!
85. He chose ROSIE instead of R2D2 for his running mate in the galactic election!
Nancy Nelson

"Don't worry, there'll be another along in a minute!".
Keith Peddie, Greensboro

"Smile! It is taking our picture!"
"That's a nice set of solar panels!"
"Hi. Mom!"
"We need a goalie. Do you think it plays soccer?'
"Wow! It's that new zero-carbon six-wheeler!"
"Your dad looks cool!"
"This is the new bus our government promised?!"
"A date? I don't know. She looks a bid aggressive!"
"Nice! I wouldn't kick it our of my room!"
"Earthlings are certainly ugly!"
"It runs on Every Ready batteries!"
"No resemblance at all to R2D2"
"I hope it cleans up after itself"
"It wants to shake hands?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Car dealers will go anywhere to make a sale.
2. What is Junior going to think of next?
3. Well Dear, this is the only one in stock at the dealers. Do you want it or not?
4. What idiot dreamed up this monstrosity?
5. Here come the earthlings. There goes the neighborhood.
6. We've got to sell it, dear, gasoline prices have gone up to 14 cents a gallon.
7. It operates on solar power but we don't get any sun on this side of the moon
8. There is a big drought on earth in North Carolina so they sent up this thing to look for water.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1. "If we had thumbs I bet it would stop."
2. "Dude, I think it’s WALLE."
3. "It's from Earth - must be looking for oil."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

so that's what "intelligent" life on planet earth look like?
Luis Mendoza

They are making robots look more Martian like everyday.
Here comes the neighborhood.
Don't feed it are it will never leave.
Darn illegals ! They're gonna take our jobs !
Mom can we keep it ?
Nice.......six wheel drive !!!
It's to bad we're drunk. Now nobody will believe we saw an alien craft.
As a joke, we will let it over hear us saying we are gonna blow up the Earth .
I bet they're lost .
Going by his tattoos, his name is NASA .
Did he just flash us with gang signs ?
What's a nice girl like her doing in a place like this ?
I just assumed they'd be in jumpsuits .
My Native American friend says to take this very seriously .
Yo baby, do fries come with that shake?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"Is it me, or is she just a teensy bit over-dressed?"
"Sure, it looks good, but it'll never pass Nascar's official inspection."
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

"Where is the sex starved astronaut lady?"
David Downing, Greensboro

1. "I THINK HE'S TRYING TO DO THE MOONWALK".
2. "YOUR GIRL IS LOVELY HUBBLE"
3. "SMILE"
4. "SAY CHEESE
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

86. Hope that it doesn't run on WATER!
Nancy Nelson

"He moves and makes noises, but I can't get a word out of him."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"Hey Spider Man, you try to swallow me and I'll bite your tonsils!"
mrvtoon
... hmmm ... Another time-warp caption?

Do you believe in God or Evolution?
Is there a God?
Where's the nearest restroom?
Are you a boy or a girl?
I like your wheels.
We were about to invent shoes but now we want wheels.
Do you have any loose change?
We've never needed noses before you arrived
Bill Lawson, Stoneville

"Martin you are so lucky to be on Pimp my Ride."
"Don't shoot, we're unarmed."
"License and Registration."
"I'm sorry, we thought you said you needed a soiled sample."
"Well, I guess you should have taken a right at Albuquerque."
"Hurry up Henry, the PART bus is here."
"Our leader is under indictment so how 'bout the head of our Human Resources?"
"Like hey man, we don't know nothin' 'bout no ice crystals."
"Well maybe we got some ice crystals and maybe we ain't."
"I'm afraid he's mostly machine now."
"The force is strong with this one."
"Looks like another stray from the Lazy W."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I also liked the Lazy W stray. clever

"I'm pretty sure it's the male of the species driving. The female would have asked for directions by now."
"I always wanted one of these when I was little, but Dad said I would put my eye out."
"You gotta admit, their toys are cooler than ours."
"There's goes the neighborhood."
"Wonder if Tim Rickard's Neighborhood Rules still apply.
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I really liked the female driver one, but oddly, none of our other judges picked that one.

"But I was expecting a July 4th cartoon theme this week…"
"Thank goodness we didn’t do any landscaping this spring."
"If it goes for a body crevice I swear I’ll vaporize it."
"Let’s retaliate with a cattle mutilation tonight."
"I’d gladly donate a pint of body fluid in exchange for the first season of ‘My Favorite Martian’ on DVD."
"It’s not fair, they get crop circles and we only get tire tracks."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. "It is sad. They say his mother took Thalidomide."
2. "I know it sounds awful, but all those Landers look alike to me."
3. "Talk about bad breath."
4. "The last thing you are supposed to do is run."
5. "Will this be on YouTube?”
Ken Miller, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"If that's Mary Poppins, I'm gone."
"Looks like Yodas pick-up!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"We need to re-think our immigration policy."
Debra S. Watson, Eden
I enjoy your comics. As an amateur cartoonist I appreciate all the work you put into them.

"Her face is not much but look at those legs."
Bill Jones, Greensboro

"I want to go into space!"
"OMG, it’s Jake Gyllenhaal"
Sandra K. Ramsey, High Point
Sandra says it’s a line from “October Sky"

"Would you really leave me for that blockhead?"
Martha Willis, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

And to think I was afraid this week's effort would be too limiting. You guys not only pushed the envelope, you addressed and mailed it, too. Bravo. I highly recommend checking out the responses below. Lot's of clever, creative stuff. Unfortunately, we can only fit a sampling here. We skewed our choices to the ones that best addressed the character's expression in the Munch painting.
I don't think we ever had this narrow of concensus before (except for the winner). The more judges I got, the more different choices we got. We finally took a Chinese-menu approach - a favorite from each judge made the runners-up. Even then, we still didn't have the space to honor them all in the paper.

BEST/WORST PUN
I'm Mona Lisa, shes the Moaning Lisa!
Nancy Nelson
Nancy, I hate to tell you this but I think the "screamer" is a guy.
This negated a lot of your entries.

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE:
Too many Da Vinci Code references for any of those to win.
Ditto the recent theft of “The Scream”

"If you see Marcel Duchamp tell him I'm not amused."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Very nice. A contender if it wasn't so obscure.

Looks more like Crunch than Munch.(Tim Crunch was a graffiti artist of the 1970's-1980's)
Nancy Nelson
Nancy tells me Crunch was a famous graffiti artist in the 70s-80s. Get it? Crunch & Munch!)

Inspiration -- Krakatoa's eruption . . . or too much lutefisk?
Joan Lux Greensboro
Bravo, Joan.

Didn't you used to sing for Midnight Oil?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
Nice.

That certainly captures absinthe withdrawal.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Oh no, it’s Mr. Bean!"
Gray Amick, Greensboro Art District
Anyone who saw the Mr. Bean movie will get this.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
"I can't say I miss Mark Trail that much, but whatever"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
This one strikes close to my heart.

I know... these captions spook me too!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"My career has officially tanked...I go from being admired by millions each year to being some punch line in a North Carolina cartoon contest..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
No surprise to see Bob here.

WINNER
"67 bottles of beer on the wall, 67 bottles of beer. you take one down, pass it aound, 67 bottles of beer on the wall...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
CC, you're virtually uncatchable now.

RUNNERS-UP
"I should have warned you that the curator has cold hands."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Ask your doctor if Prozac is right for you"
Bill Drummond, Asheboro

"Gosh, you're right. The tourists' eyes are following us."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"It's Your Baby."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
This got one vote for winner

Drama Queen!
David Robinette, Reidsville

".. I could just talk and talk,stop me if you've heard this one."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"It's all over. We are too different! It will never work!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Oh relax. It doesn't smell that bad.
The Jaguar
I couldn't resist.

Oh, shut up!
Philip Shore
Phillip also offered this history lesson: (The red bands of color in the background of Der Schrei constitute a historical note: it is the red sky caused by ash thrown up by the eruption of Krakatoa in 1883.)

THE REST (Which includes several gags that got votes from our judges)
Oh, shut up!
Philip Shore

1. No, I'm prettier!
2. You're freaking me out!
3. She freaks me out !
4. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
5. What was Munch tripping on?!
6. Is that what I'm going to look like in ten years?
7. You expect me to smile more!
8. She scares me.
9. Remember be nice!
10. No mom, I don't think he wants you to pose nude.
11. Mom it isn't Halloween.
12. She's got Spirit!
13. She makes me want to SCREAM.
14. What was that Norwegian trying to express?!
15. I don't get it!! 16. I sure wish someone would steal her again.
17. Where's an art thief when you need him?
18. Say something nice.
19. I'm Mona Lisa, shes the Moaning Lisa !
20. Mom please don't Scream at me
21. She needs to be the pyscho ward!
22. At least it's colorful!
23. Jump!
24. Was Munch angry?!
Nancy Nelson

"Aspirin works for me."
Harvey B. Herman, Greensboro
Good.

"Somebody's idea of ART?"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

What do you think of my complete makeover?
Edward Miller, Greensboro

I don't know what you are "screaming" about; I haven't had a good laugh since 1500!
Roz Weintraub, Greensboro

Does audio come with that?
Some people can hold a pose . . . some can't.
Obviously the artist got on that model's last nerve.
Well at least the sky is pretty.
An environmentalist's nightmare -- not a tree in sight.
It would have been sharper using a digital camera.
Some people call that art?
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I liked the third one a lot

"I re-acted the same way when I first saw Leonardo in his birthday suit."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I had to hold this silly smile until I screamed, too."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"You are SUCH a drama queen!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

26. I'm Mona Lisa she's Lizzy Borden!
Nancy Nelson

"God bless the inventor of the air brush!"
Doris Clapp, Julian

26. Look you're scaring the children!
27. She's screaming because she's losing her hair.
28. The devil made him do it!
29. You'd scream too if your hair was on fire.
30. Munch had too much Norse Grog before he painted her.
31. She's upset because she can't get a date!
32. Who said art curators don't have a sense of humor.
33. She's having a bad hair day.
Nancy Nelson

That's more than just a bad-hair day.
Would a bag of potato chips help?
I guess dental care was better in Norway.
I'll stick with my enigmatic smile.
Joan Lux Greensboro NC

Bad hair day, Van? Mona
Jeff Bartolet, Greensboro

Not so easy having an itch on your nose for over 150 years now, is it?
Jim McNamara

That certainly captures absinthe withdrawal.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I see them too...don't act surprised. Keep a straight face. Too late!
Darrell Kimrey, Summerfield

"I know what you did last summer."
Barb Purdie, High Point

"What a scream."
Katie Fennell, Greensboro

(Sigh) "I hate hanging out with a drama queen."
Marcia James, Jamestown
Right idea, but we thought the shorter version worked better.

"A screaming martian on a pier...priceless. Yea right."
David Downing, Greensboro

Chill out, Screamy.
John Banks, Greensboro

"They call THAT thing art?"
"You think it's easy sitting still this long?"
"I think my Toosh's asleep..."
"Would you believe I'm naked from the waist down?"
"It's true when they say you can't pick your neighbors..."
"Ooops...excuse ME!"
"Check out www.myspace.com/sexyitalian"
"Not bad for being five hundred and five years old huh?"
"Giocondo...G...I...O..."
"Anybody got an eyebrow pencil?
"How YOU doin?"
"Whatchu lookin' at?"
"Take a picture...it'll last longer!"
"If you see Marcel Duchamp tell him I'm not amused."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Some days I just want to scream too."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

34. Looks more like Crunch than Munch.
Nancy Nelson

"What a drama queen."
Carol Conley, Gibsonville
Once again, right idea, we just liked the shorter version better.

"you have any bar nuts, goldfish, a dirty sock to stuff in my friends mouth?"
Terry Purkerson, Asheboro

35. I told her to stay away from that black hole
21. She needs to be hung in the psycho ward!
36. Boo!
37. I told her I didn't want to hang around with her.
38. You should her at night!
Nancy Nelson

" I'm thinking of a number... do my lips really have to move to think?"
" hey buddy, I know what your thinking, and I'm not that kind of girl... unless of course, you like that kind of girl"
"hey buddy, yea you, no not my screwball neighbor, I hear your wife's out of town"
Terry Purkerson, Asheboro

38. You should hear her at night!
39. Lordy, lordy, look what happens when you turn forty.
Nancy Nelson

I know... these captions spook me too!!
We are picture perfect so this caption better be !
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"She should try meditation. It's done wonders for me."
Margie Bowman, Greensboro

"It's just like Mom told us: "Don't make that face; it just might freeze that way!"
Julia Stevens, Greensboro

"Hillary lost! You need to move on!"
"The high gas prices are bothering me too"
"Calm down! Haven't you heard the bald is beautiful?"
"I know you were stolen but you are back now! Get over it!"
"What on earth are you listening to?"
"I know. I drive men crazy!"
"Sorry, I am not much for going out. I just like to hang around!"
"Yes, you know I make you want to shout!! Chap your hands and shout, yea, yea!!
"It's all over. We are too different! It will never work!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"No worries, hon. It'll grow back!"
Jeanne Morris, Greensboro

"I see, and how does that make you feel?"
Robert Middleton, Stoneville
I liked this one a lot

Try my antidepressant. The only side effect I've had is eyebrow loss.
Betsy Truitt, Asheboro
Cute

"It's Your Baby."
"Jerry Springer called. It's your baby."
"For my second number, I shall sing another song by Madonna..."
"67 bottles of beer on the wall, 67 bottles of beer. you take one down, pass it aound, 67 bottles of beer on the wall...."
Hey, I know who stole you before. Keep up the screaming and I'll call them again. "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1. Shhhhhhhh....
2. Stop screaming, Van Gogh's not around.
Joe Matthews, Greensboro

You use less muscles to smile than to frown!"
Amy Torchinsky, Greensboro

"Sorry you are having another migraine"
Liza Hopper, Greensboro

"That antique grandfather clock was a nice addition."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Enough already with what tourists are wearing!"
"I shouldn't have complained about the Van Gogh last week."
"That's what I get for complaining about the Van Gogh last week."
"Just for my sake, get over the fanny packs."
"Get over the fanny packs."
"Enough already with the fanny packs!"
Just my luck.a David groupie."
"It's a good thing Monet's bridge paintings aren't here."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
I really liked the fanny pack references, but no one else really got them.

1) Is she smiling or screaming?
2) My artist did a better job!
3) Looks like she knows what's behind her!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

I just heard that Tiger Woods tore his ACL!
Ray Kislowski, Sr., McLeansville

"Who let her in this place"
"There goes the neighborhood"
"Boy, it is hard to keep smiling around here"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"Ask your doctor if Prozac is right for you"
Bill Drummond, Asheboro

If that's what growing old looks like, I'm glad I'm glad I'm a portrait.
It's great being frozen in time.
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

A picture for the ages . . . gas costs how much?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. the picture of the two guys on the Island
"Are you sure you want to win an Island cruise?
Carolynn Brown
I think this e-mail got lost in a black hole, as it's a response to the very first "Jokes On You" from a year-and-a-half ago.

"Can you hear me now??"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

Drama Queen!
David Robinette, Reidsville

40. Scream, Scream, Scream all she ever does is Scream.
41. This one is a good Screamer!
42. Just hang me!
43. Good golly Miss Molly!
44. You know, the art critics are saying she's the modern Mona Lisa!
45. She's a fake!
46. She's faking it.
Nancy Nelson

Who can smile after looking at that hideous painting!
James Pitcher, Greensboro

".. I could just talk and talk,stop me if you've heard this one."
Rick Meehan, Graham

1) Shhhhhhh! We're in a museum.
2) You must be an oil painting cause those businessmen from Texas keep
looking at you and smiling.
3) I know, gas prices are that high!
4) Oh relax. It doesn't smell that bad.
5) Sorry about that, I've been holding it in for over 500 years!
6) They're real...and they're spectacular.
7) The work of Edvard Munch often included symbolic portrayals of themes such as misery, sickness, and death... I don't see it.
8) Hey buddy, there's a bridge. Use it!
9) Sorry, I don't date people from the office.
10) I am smiling!
11) Well if you stop making faces maybe they'll stop staring.
The Jaguar

What have her kids done now?
Marlene Pratto, Greensboro

1. Okay. So you've been framed. Just grin and bear it.
Sandra Powell, Greensboro

2. Don't be alarmed.
It's just an astigmatism and severe myopia.
Al Powell Jr., Greensboro

1- I bet you're happy to be back in Oslo. Did you catch "Stockholm syndrome" while kidnapped?
2- Maybe I know why you're screaming. Maybe you're paint-by-numbers.
3- You look like that little kid in "Home Alone."
4- I'd say Leonardo da Vinci is a better artist than Edvard Munch.
Max & Cindy Harless, Greensboro

Inspiration -- Krakatoa's eruption . . . or too much lutefisk?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"You modernists are so gullible. I told you drive-through plastic surgery was a bad idea!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder!
They let anyone hang out here....
A Contemporary Piece of what?
I see you as being easily pirated!
I see your a "Hands Off" kind of gal...
Who stroked your canvas?
Woke up to early and forgot the war paint huh?
Secrets? Mannary's the day I S-Tuggled against Clark-s artistic captions....
The Gallery of Horrors is next door....
A woman smugly smiles for many reasons!
I know what artist's hands were all over you!
I can see why they stay asail !
Mr. Rickard really did a number one you !!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Oh, stop your whining! I've been sitting on this wooden chair since the 1500s!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

"Didn't I tell you the drive-through plastic surgery was a bad idea?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

1) "Enough already! The spider wasn't that big."
2) "Having a bad hair day?"
3) "It's not THAT bad .... I kinda like your new hairstyle."
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL
I liked the spider gag.

Keep your ears covered the art critics are back!!
The "Jokes on You" with that Art Critic !
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Now you see why I've been sitting on this donut."
"Look, the art editor for Parade is sketching us. Quick, make a face."
"Did you notice the tour guide's breath?"
"I'm sorry I screamed but I can assure you the Code is not hidden there."
"I know you read the book but did you see the DaVinci Code movie."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I really liked the tour guides breath one, but I was outnumbered

"You mean the whole time he was painting you he was standing on your toe?"
"Dang that air conditioner vent. I wonder if anyone noticed?"
"Ron Howard has changed a little since Andy Griffith, hasn't he?"
"Sounds like scream?..Dream? Look, I don't want to play anymore."
"So Dark the Con of Man. So Dark...boy, that could drive you crazy."
"You ever bite the inside of your mouth?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"You are being sooooo dramatic!"
"You really should have taken some Dramamine!"
"I've found that Zoloft really evens out my moods..."
"You need to get out more without the kids."
"I'm enigmatic; you're over-dramatic."
"Just when ARE the kids going back to school?"
"Never let 'em see you sweat!"
"You really seem to wear your emotions on your sleeve."
"I feel just the same way once every month."
"You need an aspirin?"
"I could care less."
"I could act like I care, but I don't!"
"Here we go...another pity party."
"I really wish they'd move me next to The Picnic."
"Moody Judy's having another meltdown!"
"Not everyone can always have her act together!'
"They must be changing the gas sign again!"
"I felt more at home next to the American Gothic."
Kris Voy, Trinity
The "kids going back to school" was next in line for runner-up if we had the room.

"Let's see Cassius Coolidge do THIS..."
"What were you expecting...Dog's Playing Poker?"
"Don't tell anyone but I was a Paint-By-Numbers."
"Don't feel bad...he creeps me out too..."
"They call that thing art?"
"Somebody get my agent on the phone..."
"Whaaaaazzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuup?!?!?!?!?!?!"
"I was told I'd have a PRIVATE room?!?!?"
"It's from the Victoria Secret 16th century collection..."
"The one day I go Commando they hang me on the draftiest wall in the building..."
"99 bottles of wine on the wall...99 bottles of wine..."
"4,329,978...4,329,979...Ah...Ah...AH-CHOO!! $#%@!!! 1...2...3..."
"My career has officially tanked...I go from being admired by millions each year to being some punch line in a North Carolina cartoon contest..."
"Watch...Watch...I can follow you with my eyes...Cool huh?"
"Dat was a-one-a-spicey-a-meatball!" (It's tough to type in Italian!!)
"That was one spicey meatball!"
"Shut Up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!!!! STOP SCREAMING AT ME!!!!!"
"Don't mind her...she's having a REALLY BAD hair day..."
"He just realized that he could've had a V-8..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
The 99 bottles of wine was on the right track, but as you realize by now, 67 bottles (the winner) was better because it implied the screamer had been listening to that for a lot longer

Remind me not to buy drugs from the guy that painted you.
Hey buddy, you need to take a valium and a nap.
No offense, but do you think Mr. Munch might have needed glasses ?
Could you keep it down, I'm trying to force a smile over here.
I see you went to the Sun for vacation this year.
Warhol's stuff make me feel the same way !
That's Miss Gioconda to you !
Didn't you used to sing for Midnight Oil ?
For the last time I know nothing about a secret code !
They say it takes 2 ugly people to make a beautiful baby. Your parents must have been breathtaking.
You have my vote Mr McCain.
You paid for that make over ?
Don't feel bad . I'm just not ready to date right now.
Don't look now but Micheal Jackson mask fell off .
You wouldn't smile either if you had a nail in your back !
Darrell Clark,Winston-Salem

Having a bad hair day?
Young Rochelle Jr., Greensboro

47.Smile you're on Candid Camera!
48.Scream or No Scream!
49. Creepy!!
50. She thinks she's the next American Idol!
51. Good Golly Miss Molly.
52. What a nightmare!!
53. Far out!!
54. I hate hanging with her!
55. She needs a makeover!
Nancy Nelson

"Egads, you're right. Blue Boy's eyes are following us."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Gosh, you're right. The tourists' eyes are following us."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I told you that you wouldn't believe how old I am."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Did you see a mouse??"
"A Mouse?! At the Lourve!??"
"Oui, that was a souris."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"That's it. Keep pushing. You've Almost got a smile."
"Imagine how bad MY cheeks hurt holding this darn smile."
"If I have to hold this smile much longer, I'M going to scream."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Five more minutes, then it'll be my turn to scream for help."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"You might as well smile. I screamed for the first 100 years too."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do you have an earache?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Did someone pinch you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Did they make you listen to Lisa's sax too??"
CC Cockerham

"Hey, check out the chick in the hot pants."
"You won't believe what all you'll see people wearing.
"The leather pants? That's nothin'. At least he has on pants."
"This is definitely a great place to people watch!!!"
CC Cockerham

"Psst....look. Over there! Isn't that Brad & Angelina?"
"Will you try to look Natural! I think that's Brad & Angelina!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"That's it. Keep pushing. You've Almost got a smile."
"Imagine how bad MY cheeks hurt holding this darn smile."
"If I have to hold this smile much long, I'M going to scream."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1. "Wipe that scream off your face."
2. "If you're going to exhibit an emotion, you better pace yourself."
3. "Take some deep breaths, you're starting to scare the other paintings."
4. "Calm down - a little restoration and your hair will be back to normal."
5. "I should have warned you that the curator has cold hands."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1) "Who could smile hanging beside Sir Screams a Lot here ? "
2) "If I have to come over there I'll give you something to scream about . "
3) "Looks like someone was hung to close to the heater . "
4)" Ok...two words...sounds like..."
5)" The joke's lost on me, I've never seen " Home Alone. "
6)" Say hello to your brothers, See and Speak for me . "
7)" Put your hands down cueball , Van Gogh's been dead for years . "
8)" Even Salvodor Dali thinks this guy is a little weird . "
9)" The glass is always half-empty with this guy . "
10)" Let's paint a pizza menu on the Last Supper . "
11)" Who was the genius that hung this guy in front of a mirror ? "
12)" Maybe you should switch to decaf . "
13)" Forget the eggs, this is your brain on drugs . "
14)" Please excuse him, he just filled his car up . "
15)" Great, Rickard's reduced me to a Family Circus comic . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Some clever ones here, Joel

"I love telling him he's crooked"
"I'm sorry, but your head really is shaped like a light bulb"
"You had me at HELLO! Now, just shush".
"My frame IS bigger; but size doesn’t matter".
"Me too. I absolutely hated The Merchant of Venice."
"…31 bottles of beer on the wall. HEY! I can do this all day."
"Yeah, a lozenge. Capice?"
"I can't say I miss Mark Trail that much, but whatever"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
We really liked the first one - very close to runner-up status

"Stop doing those weird contortions! What if your face froze like that?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

"My morning cup of coffee makes all the difference."
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, Texas

“I hear oil paint may hit $4 per tube by the close of the Contemporary Period.”
“I’d scream to, oil paint just hit $4 per tube.”
“Oh no, it’s Mr. Bean!”
“If only Crest Whitestrips were available 500 years ago.”
“I think you’re next on the restoration list.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro Art District

"Oooooh, everyone can't be cute."
"What was he thinking!"
"Oh no.They reduced the Valdez oil spill damages."
"The President is coming."
"We need to go shopping. But first, we need to find you something to eat."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

SNAIL MAIL
"This morning I was traded for a tank of gas."
Melisa Easter, Madison

"Don't take it so hard, it might not be true."
Philip Easter, Madison

"Don't give up on Hillary, it's not over!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Well, Parade finally crowned their first winner in their “write your own cartoon caption” contest. You may remember, it had superheroes in a bar and resembled one we did a while back? Anyway, I was curious how the quality of their entries stacked up against yours. Well, that question was answered when our very own JOY contributor, Dennis LaJeunesse, scored a runner-up slot. This proves what I already knew, that you guys already are Major leaguers. Congrats, Dennis.
Parade Magazines contest winner and runner-ups.
http://www.parade.com/contests/cartoons/051108-winner
See your entries for a similar cartoon below.
Just scroll down to the cartoon of Iron Man and Batman in a bar.

Now, for this week's captions.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Stephen Botts put the "Obscure" back into the cultural reference category with this gem of an Earnest Hemingway short story reference:
Some guy name Macomber is coming here tomorrow with his wife. Should be a real hoot, Wilson.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
Also a less erudite nod to (who else) Bob Mannary for channeling the sheep dog-Coyote Warner Bros. cartoon:
"Mornin' Sam..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
I had to Google Steven's entry. Sadly, I didn't have to Google Bob's.
That means, I don't know my Hemingway, but I do know my Saturday morning cartoons.

BEST/WORST PUN
Is that what you call your Mane course?
Joan Hunt

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I bypassed the more obvious candidates to spotlight these two, which I liked as captions and had a local flavor.

Asheboro's okay, but I still miss Africa.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

"So what part of Hamilton Lake do YOU work in?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

and, of course there's this:
"I bet you 5 bucks that this caption doesn't win this week..."
(you win)
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

WINNER
Is that the guy that put his head in your mouth?
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"What will you trade me for my zebra-nuggets?"
Kyle Jackson, Greensboro
I just liked the term "zebra nuggets."

I wish my wife would leave the Hippos alone. We eat on these things for a month.
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons
In my opinion, the first runner-up

"Here comes a guy who obviously thinks we're already full."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Wow, leftovers are so much better during tourist season!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

“I’m so sick and tired of eating the sick and tired.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Trade a zebra leg for a gnu thigh?"
Ken Layton, Carthage
(The first, and one of the better-worded, of the "trade you" gags we received)

I say, old chap, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Enough with the circle of life!"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX
Welcome, Texas!

THE REST
1. I see your wife has you on a vegan diet.
2. Did you take my animal crackers?
3. It's a jungle out there.
4. I'm as hungry as a bear.
5. I could eat a horse.
6. If I were on that show there wouldn't be any survivors.
7. We're the real survivors.
8. It's a dog eat dog world.
9. Why are you King of the Jungle?
10. Who made you King of the Jungle?!
11. I'll trade my animal crackers for your zebra sandwich.
12. I'm not lying, it really happened.
13. Do you think the Gators have a chance to be in a bowl game this year?
14. Are the Lions going to win the Super Bowl this year?
15. I'd like to take a bite out of that filly.
16. Do you think I have a chance with that Gazelle?
17. Do you have more Gator Aid?
18. Who does you hair?
Nancy Nelson

I'll trade you my rhino sandwich for your gazelle fillet sandwich!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

I WOULD RATHER HAVE A SHOT OF STEROIDS.
JIM CLARK, Greensboro

"Trade a zebra leg for a gnu thigh?"
Ken Layton, Carthage,

19. Those construction workers really know to pack a lunch.
20. I'm sure glad my wife doesn't know how to cook.
21. When we finish our trap we'll have enough to feed both our families.
22. What do you think your pride will get you for Fathers Day?
23. Animal crackers again.
24. Is Tarzan really that great?
25. Those workers sure left in a hurry!
26. I can tell that you'd rather be where the deer and the antelope play.
27. That Buffalo soup sure smells good.
Nancy Nelson

"I hate it when Mom puts mayo on my zebu sandwiches."
Ken Layton, Carthage

" Nothing gnu in mine either."
Larry Gorthey

Wanna trade for a peanut and jelly sandwich?
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

28. Does you wife get your meat at Food Lion?
29. Food Lion has a special on deer meat this week.
30. I see you're having a bad hair day.
31. Sounds like bunch of croc to me.
32. My clutch wants me to take them to the beach.
33. Are you OK, I haven't heard you ROAR all day?
34. I'd like to see one of those survivors try to get out of my death roll.
35. You know, having too much pride can lead to your destruction.
36. I'm sorry, why did your pride leave you?
37. Nick Dundee and Tarzan were the only humans I know who got out of the death roll and they were just acting.
Nancy Nelson

Your family grill out much or just grab a bite?
Trade you some arm for some zebra.
Mine's fresh -- he was walking around a few hours ago.
Daggum! I told her to hold the mayo!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

I will trade you a Cajun foot for that monkey leg.
Don Rankin

"I'm just not in a seafood mood today. Want to trade?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

I see she took the Lion's Share in the divorce settlement
38. You're such a big pussy cat!
39. You're just a big pussy cat!
40. Who died?
41. I just had to open my mouth and everyone else left.
42. I feel like a fish out of water.
43. Show some pride she'll be back.
44. You're better off without her.
45. I'm dehydrated
46. Ah rur, ah rur, ah rur!
18. Who does your hair?
19. Those construction workers really know how to pack a lunch.
47. Who's your hairdresser?
48. I hate leftovers, don't you?
49. Why so sad did you get bad news in your lunchpail note?
Nancy Nelson

"I'll trade you an arm for a foot"
A.P Newnam, Reidsville

'Oh, no, not bar-be-que leg again!"
Julia Johnson, Reidsville

This entire diet business is just a croc.
I'll trade you my arm for your leg.
There's a note in mine that says eat more chicken
You always get the lion's share
Is that what you call your Mane course?
Joan Hunt, Greensboro

I have some baby gazelle and leftover wildebeast.? Wanna trade?
My wife wants me to cut back on red meat.? She keeps packing these vegan lunches.
Tim Williams, Greensboro

Yep, with food prices soaring, these OFFSPRING sandwiches are tasting better and better..........
Mike Riley, Jamestown

I'll trade you an arm for a leg.
Susan Craver, Pleasant Garden

I need to floss. Got a spare whisker?
Don't you hate lifeless food...
I prefer my food to be moving...
I wish they would bring a fresh lunch in....
I hate eyes....They stare at me when I eat them...
This hand is giving me the finger...
Finger food again.
I've got a bleeding heart...

Toes and jam.
Brain food again.
My tongue is tied.
I said, But I am cold blooded....
I miss playing with my food.
I like my toothy grin...
Your looking a bit shaggy....
Cat got your tongue?
I heard Dr. Doolittle is missing....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I'll trade you a zebra sandwich for a wildebeest sandwich."
James Pitcher, Greensboro

"My wife made me a President-Bush-Supporter sandwich today. Don't know where she found the ingrediants, that is real rare stuff!"
Jack Levin

"Wildebeest....again! Just once I wish that Turkeys would migrate through here!
Ross Windsor, Greensboro

My wife fixed me a moldy sandwich!!!
Shelia Gregson, Julian

"I cannot wait until tourist season starts"
"I heard it tastes like chicken"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"We gotta eat fast. The safari bus comes by in ten minutes."
"Hurry! The safari bus comes by in ten minutes."
"Great place! We can stash our stuff behind the log if we see any safari buses."
"We can stash our stuff behind the log if we see any safari buses."
"Let's practice our growls after lunch."
"Let's work on our growls after lunch."
"It's my turn to win the safari fight this afternoon.”
"We're going to get fired if you keep licking the safari tourists' fingers.
"We're going to get fired if you nibble on one more safari tourist."
"It's your turn to charge the safari bus."
"Our union is requesting a reduction in the number of late-evening safari buses."
"I'm asking for a raise--they added three safari tours to my schedule.
"Now it's up to ten safari tours a day. I've had it.I'm going on strike!"
"I'm getting tired of chicken."
"I just don't think they should schedule safari tours during mating season."
"The safari tours really cramp my style during mating season."
"Chicken again!"
"Trade you my shrimp salad for your wildebeest."
"Trade you my tuna salad for your wildebeest."
"It tastes like chicken because it is chicken."
'We're going to get fired if you keep licking the safari guests' faces."
"Trade my shrimp salad for your wildebeest."
"First rule: Do not eat the safari guests."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

How many Weight Watcher points are in a gazelle sandwich?
Cassandra Alderin

"For once, I'd like to have the lion's share.'
Gilbert Howell, Greensboro

"Lion again!"
"Is that my son?"
"That line was a zoo"
"Got any napkins?"
"That's my spot"
"Fish again!"
"Wow is that steak?"
"Welcome to the Jungle, My names Al."
Groves Park, Greensboro
(Liked the second one. very dark)

"Trade you a hand biscuit for a foot long."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

Wanna trade? I got Peanut Butter & Jelly again.
Wanna trade? I got Zebra again.
So how's the wives & kids?
What do you think about the Lakers collapse last night in game 4?
Asheboro's okay, but I still miss Africa.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

I wish my wife would leave the Hippos alone. We eat on these things for a month.
Oh great, Hippo left overs again.
Trade you an antelope leg for a zebra breast.
I wish my wife would quit hunting bulk, I have elephant again.
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons

* "Did you bring any floss? I forgot mine.
* "Working a double shift again? I guess the lion won't sleep tonight!"
* "Zebra again! I have Water Buffalo. Want to trade?"
* "Salad again! Keep losing weight and you'll be dethroned!"
* "It's sad your cubs have no pride in the pride"
* "My cousin in the Asheboro Zoo says days are boring but the food is great!"
* "Want to trade? This Hipo gives me gas!"
* "This is relaxing. When is our next Jungle Land show?"
* "I was telling the wife, "Monkey meat makes me mellow!"
* "This law of the jungle stuff is a grind."
* "I hear the the elephant is an endangered species. How can anything that big be endangered?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

51. That Peugeot lion is the spitting image of you.
52. Lion King was a good movie,don't you think?
53. My clutch is chopping at the bit to see that Lion King movie.
54. What's the big deal,you really were Born Free?!
55. Right now you are acting like that cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.
Nancy Nelson

I'll trade you 2 veggieburgers for whatever you have.
David Jones, Greensboro

"Wow, leftovers are so much better during tourist season!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

"The wife sent leftovers again! I can’t wait to go to the Golden Corral tonight!"
Leslie Council, Gibsonville

"What will you trade me for my zebra-nuggets?"
Kyle Jackson, Greensboro

“They’re called, Safari Ready to Eat - you just add water.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Dorothy, Tin man, Scarecrow? Come on now, you must have been dreaming.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Hey, Simba, I'll trade you a willdebeest on a hoagie for a zeebra on a croissant."
Phyllis Pitcher, Greensboro

55. Cheer up, Brewster's bringing some monster crab meat.
57. Don't worry, your cubs will make good scouts
Nancy Nelson
(Thanks for the Brewster plug)

Some guy name Macomber is coming here tomorrow with his wife. Should be a real hoot, Wilson.
So, you think you have to much pride to eat crow?
Zebra: The other (black) and white meat.
Is that the guy that put his head in your mouth?
Narnia, Smarnia. I got shoes named after me.
Can we get through one lunch without the yellow brick road story?
I may not be king of the jungle, but I still have my pride.
Hey, Sam, why does that guy over there keep pointing to his boots and smiling?
He kept repeating, "So-far-i, so good!" I just had to make him into a sandwich.
That was my cousin Fred on You Tube. So, no hard feelings, right?
Leo, I need a place to stay. I made the 'croc pot' joke to the wife again.
Nice hair, Dave. You back with MGM?
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

We are the two fiercest predators on earth and every day it's peanut butter and jelly.
David Robinette

Life used to be so uncomplicated......
It's the truth...no lion!
A big "Pride".....this isn't Utah!!
Want to practice a death roll?
King of the Jungle ? Looks like the Queen put her paw down!
No "pride" working in this job?
The dermatologist says my skin scales.
Christine Keaton, Randleman
"I'm not lyin' and I'm green with envy, but my lunch pales in comparison to
yours, particularly the main course."
Curt Raygor , Summerfield

"You know I can't eat peanut butter with my weak, jaw-opening muscles."
"Yuk, that meat stills smells fresh."
"Well it's real easy to make, you just kill it, and then, well, you just eat it raw."
"Oh you'll find this down the third creek bank on the left between the impalas and the mandrills."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Wait, just last week I think I saw that one eating a tomato."
"Would you please mind not eating with your mouth closed."
"Here comes a guy who obviously thinks we're already full."
"C'mon Ralph, those hyenas laugh at everyone like that."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1- I'll trade you my dog sandwich for your zebra sandwich.
2- They keep us in different areas of the zoo, so this might be diversity training.
3- If it hadn't been for that Noah fellow, we'd never have met.
Max Harless, High Point

"Does everything taste like chicken to you?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " You wouldn't believe how mad we were when a sting ray was the one that got him . "
2) " After 10 years in a zoo, it's been tough adjusting to life on the outside . "
3) " I'm so sick and tired of eating the sick and tired . "
4) " My wife's cooking gives my stomach the death rolls . "
5) " Who died and made you king ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Darn meat prices! We've got Spam again!"
"Why so glum? I have leftover turtle; you have rack of wildebeest!"
"Is your lunch spotted or striped today?"
"Spots or stripes today?"
"Heavens to Betsy! You got Spam, too?"
"I can tell you're dieting when the cooler on wheels stays at home."
"Gross. You've got a hair in your food."
"Lean day, huh? Doesn't look like a full sixteen pounds of tattered flesh
today."
Kris Voy, Trinity

" Spam! Again."
"You beginning to look pretty good."
" Hey! You got any tomatoes?"
" Don't ask me to trade your antelope for mines."
"We got to stop meeting like this."
"My wife found a blond hair last night."
"How long have you been on the job?'
" I think this diversity thing has gone too fair!"
" Man, I can't use this left-handed cup."
:" I hear Spam is making a comeback. To me, it never left."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1. You on the high protein diet too?
2. Forget these box lunches, let's check out the river buffet.
3. I swear, chicken tastes like gazelle.
4. Who died & made you king of the jungle.
5. Is that the mouse who removed your thorn?!
6. ....and then she called me cold-blooded.
7. The wife & I are ready to retire & move to Florida.
8. Those royalty checks from Disney stopped, huh?
9. Did I tell you about the time I caught Captain Hook?
10. I maybe cold-blooded, but I'm not heartless.
11. I don't know why she packs veggies, I never eat them.
12. I'm telling you, those "crocs" were my idea.
13. Anger management issues? Nah, hyper-active madula oblongata.
Joe Matthews, Greensboro
"Dang, my wife forgot my Gatorade."
"Who do you have for dessert?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I'll trade you my tuna fish sandwich for your buffalo burger.
Joe Richardson

I know I keep bragging, but CrocsT really are comfortable to wear.
You may be the king of beasts, but do you have a shoe brand named for you?
Do you still recommend Androcles for removing thorns?
Stop whining about that measly little thorn in your paw.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Looks like you got the lions share and I got a load of croc!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Why don't we toss these aside and go on up to MacDonald's."
"I sure could go for a MacDonald's Happy Meal."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Would it kill my wife to include a cloth napkin & some real silverware once in awhile??"
"Can you believe she didn't even include a cloth napkin or silverware?"
"Wolfgang Puck made my lunch today."
"It's your turn to bring lunch tomorrow."
"I'll trade you my Gingerbread Man for your Sugar Babies."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'll trade you my Gatorade for your Animal Crackers."
"I know it's cliché, but I sure would love some Gatorade and Animal Crackers."
"I know it's cliché, but I sure would love some Gatorade."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Do you ever get tired of antelope?"
"Do you ever feel like less than the King of the Jungle since you've become a vegetarian?"
"You've either got to tell her, or put up with the fur balls."
“What's with the long face?"
"I'm sure she'll stop making you Spam sandwiches if she knows they're giving you fur balls."
"Look, I can't keep trading with you every day. TELL her you want P, B, & J."
"It took me a long time to ask my wife, but now she puts a Ding Dong in every day."
"No, I don't think eating a Twinkie a day makes you any less of a King."
"Besides the matching lunch pails, do you think anyone suspects that we are life partners?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Wanna trade? I can't eat this Gnu one more day!
I don't know why she packs this. She knows Gnu gives me gas.
Mike Pearce, Reidsville

"Yum, human crackers. I like to bite the heads off first."
David Downing, Greensboro

"Wanna trade?"
"What did you get?"
"Things just aren't the same since the Garanimals plant shut down last year..."
"I keep hoping that the Garanimals factory reopens soon..."
"I don't care what they say I am NOT eating SPAM!"
"So what part of Hamilton Lake do YOU work in?"
"Sorry to hear about your cousin losing his job with Siegfried & Roy Earl..."
"So what ever happened with that big Siegfried & Roy job you had out in Vegas?"
"Don't suppose you have any Antelope you'd be willing to share do you?"
"I got Jell-O..."
"Getting only a half hour for lunch is a CROC!"
"So Simba, what are you and Nala doing for New Year's Eve?"
"Mornin' Sam..."
"Want some pudding?"
"My Mom makes the BEST Antelope sandwiches..."
"Well...it beats the heck out of my last job in the sewer..."
"I bet you 5 bucks that this caption doesn't win this week..."
"...and in the next panel he's making shadow puppets on the wall!"
(A Brewster reference...? Bless you Bob.)
"I am SO ready for football season to start again..."
"What are you going as for the company costume party?"
"You wanna go out to Buffalo's for a bite instead?"
"She's got me on some type of Tuna diet because of my Cholesterol.."
"I'm having the toughest time finding someone to carpool with and I'm not sure why..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I`ve decided to go organic."
Claire Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Enough with the circle of life!"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX

"I told her raw."
Ellen Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Geez, it stinks!"
Audrey Wilkes, Austin, TX

"She'd rather you be a teddy bear?"
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX

"When are they going to make The Alligator King?"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX
(cute)

"I don't care if you're Simba's cousin!"
Ellen Wilkes, Austin, TX

"What the h@*# is hummus?"
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX
(I liked this one)

"Neurofeedback sessions help me deal with my ticking."
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Want to grab an antelope after work?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL“Bologna sandwiches again?”
“Trade you a fish for a zebra sandwich.”
Laura Carlton, Siler City

“Now I know why we’re becoming an endangered species.”
Brenda Shaw, Daleville, Va.

“I heard Jane is having lunch with the producer without Tarzan.”
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

“Trade you some of my Steve Irwin for a liitle of your Tarzan.”
“We’ve gone from wild life to midlife.”
“I love animal crackers”
“SAG rules … ½ hour lunch breaks on animal documentaries.”
“I dunno … I kinda miss the thrill of the kill.”
“I’m all for protecting endangered species, but this is a bit much.”
“After a week in the hot sun, it’s very tender.”
“I think the wet-nap is a nice touch.”
“The thermos amazes me … it keeps hot hot and cold cold. How does it know?”
“I hear Martha Stewart is the new warden of our preserve.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“I say, Old Chap. Do you have any Grey Poupon?”
Norman Welker, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Hopefully, we didn’t offend the political correctness crowd this week. We received many clever, esoteric and enigmatic responses. Of course, there were the countless foreclosure, stimulus check, smoke signal and "reservation" captions (first come, first served), but there were also allusions to India, Iron Eyes Cody, the Lost Colony, Wounded Knee, Sacajawea, The Village People and a reference to Mickey Rooney as a gynecologist that I still haven’t figured out.
Speaking of that last caption, some of the ones that made me laugh the most were the more enigmatic ones.
Here are a few that struck me funny and I don't know why.
"It's from your gynecologist, Mickey Rooney."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"It's from my destitute brother, Got-No-Wampum"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Our new trash day is Tuesday..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Jury duty?! What the heck?!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

Hey yah, hey yah, hey yah!
Nancy Nelson

WINNER
"Junior's having fun in the big city. He's met a policeman, a cowboy, a construction worker ..."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

THE RUNNERS-UP
Little Bear says send more wampum.
Nancy Nelson

"It's a foreclosure notice on the tepee."
Harvey B. Herman, Greensboro

It's an annexation notice from someplace called City of Greensboro.
Tim Williams, Greensboro

"Good gracious, already another scalp drive?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"It's from Junior. Asking why we never return his smoke signal."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Says tribal picnic being held at Wounded Knee this year."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"You went over your smoke signal minutes again."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
(I broadened this category as it doesn't necessarily have to be obscure to work.)
But obscure would be appropriate in the case of these two brilliant entries:
(These would easily have been contenders for winner or at least runner-up, but I thought they might be a wee bit obscure to most people)
"It just says "Croatan."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"It's stained with his tears, but I think it says that he's picking up litter."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
"Look Like We Miss Noon Deadline..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
(this entry came 30 minutes after posted deadline)

BEST/WORST PUN
They're saying we are in(jeans).
Nancy Nelson
And yes, Nancy, that is really bad)

THE REST

I knew it. The homeowners association says we have to build.
Stacey Hwasser, Jamestown

"Another ad for vinyl siding and replacement windows".
Curt Raygor, Summerfield

1. Little Bear says send more wampum.
2. The IRS is auditing us.
3. I've been selected to be on Survivor.
4. We don't have enough beads to pay for this one.
5. The taxes on the tepee have gone up again.
6. We have been selected to receive an extreme home makeover.
7. It's a threat from some whiteman named Custer.
8. Our reservation has been cancelled.
9. These mocassins aren't made for walking.
10. It says Hit the Trail.
11. Ugh, your parents are coming.
12. It's the exterminator's bill.
13. The IRS says send more wampum.
14. It says leave peacefully.
15. Our tepee has been condemned.
16. It's an eviction notice.
17. They want this land for condos.
18. It's a notice from Publisher's Clearing House that we may be winners.
Nancy Nelson

"It's a foreclosure notice on the tepee."
Harvey B. Herman, Greensboro

"Junior seems to be enjoying his summer at Camp Urban Sprawl".
Curt Raygor, Summerfield

It's an annexation notice from someplace called City of Greensboro.
Tim Williams, Greensboro

"I've been drafted...by the Cleveland Indians!"
Curt Raygor, Summerfield

19. But we were here first!
20. Ugh!
21. They turned down our application for a home improvement loan.
22. This doesn't sound very friendly.
23. It's a letter from Hillary wanting our vote?!
24. We only have 30 moons until we must go.
Nancy Nelson

"It's another subscription offer for House Warranty."
George Keely, High Point
" It's an eviction notice!!!! "
Teresa G. Legette, High Point

" No can savvy them using Forever Stamp on our Cancellation Notice ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

I knew it...no barrier wall from the Western Loop!
Debbie Herndon, Greensboro

"Oh no, we are being annexed into the city."
Linda Hill, Greensboro

"Just another bogus chain letter, says we need to send this to 10 people or the white man will take our land".
Matt Sides, Greensboro

25. Custer wants to know if we have good health insurance!!!
26. Ugh, our life insurance policy has expired.
27. They want me to run for President!!!
28. The medicine man wants to be paid in horses.
29. Sitting Bull says we must make a stand against the whiteman.
30. They're foreclosing on our tepee!
Nancy Nelson

1. Duke Energy sent us a shut off notice.
2. YOU ARE NOT THE DAD!!!!
3. We are selected for the TV show "Wife Swap"
4. Look at this outrageous light bill.
5. We have been invited to the Jerry Springer Show.
Frances Royal, Greensboro

"What was this doing in our totem pole?"
"Buy a mailbox, the junk mail will come."
"It says they've not seen hide nor hair of last month's house payment."
"Really, I don't know any squaw named Bunches of Hugs and Kisses."
"It's the stimulus check. Want to update from faux to custom leather?"
"Why does our address have to be Fourth Pemican on the Right?"
"Why are we always getting the spine specialist's mail?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"It's a foreclosure notice on our tepee."
"The Lone Ranger wants to borrow money to buy silver bullets."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Publisher's Clearing says that I "might be a winner" of $24 of beads and trinkets."
Ken Layton, Carthage

31. They're saying we don't have squatters rights to this land.
32. Are we in jeans?
3. They're saying we are in (jeans).
Nancy Nelson

"Your Mom wants to know why you don't return her calls? Did she forget
you don't have a mouth?
Beverly Bailey, Randleman

Well, It looks like we got our confirmation on the reservation.
Dave Clark

34. It's a notice that their putting their railroad 50 feet from our tepee.
35. We're being sued for land encroachment.
35. Buffalo are now on the endangered species list.
36. Do you think the medicine man will take a credit card?!
37. Ugh, Smoking our peace pipe is bad for our health and the environment.
38. Custer wants us to bury the hatchet.
39. Your brother says he has two feathers now.
40. I know where I'd like to bury the hatchet!
41. They're inviting us to the Pow Wow!
42. It's another potluck Pow Wow.
Nancy Nelson

"It says we're being annexed into Greensboro. Where's Greensboro?"
M. Elisabeth Rust, Greensboro

"They're going to annex us."
Larry Tyrell
Stokesdale, NC

It's from the government. We have to move again.
Mark A. Lamont, Greensboro

" Me no can savvy fine print ! Worst than smoke signal on windy day. "
" Says no mowing, hoeing, or raking front yard of Pueblo. "
" Pueblo, Wigwam, Tepee, long as we're together. "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"One of our scouts, "Publishers Clearing House", says we may have already won."
"Me know "Swift Running Rivers" but not know "Current Resident."
"Good gracious, already another scalp drive?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"No ticket! They say we need a reservation"
Ruth Maynard, Greensboro

CONGRATULATIONS! You are the winner of the $100,000 dream kitchen makeover!
Andrea Teague, Jamestown

The bank is foreclosing on our tepee.
Jamie Foxx, Greensboro

"Looks like we may have already won the Buffaloe Chip Clearinghouse Sweepstakes"
Tim Collins, Greensboro

"Turns out we aren't of Sioux descent after all."
"Kemo Sabe says hi."
"They'd like to feature us in Better TeePees and Gardens."
"We just won a central air conditioning system."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"The homeowners' association claims that a mailbox can't be this close to our mobile home."
"Wanna explain all the letters from the Lone Ranger?"
"Teacher's suspending little Geronimo for shooting another arrow through her apple."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"It's from Mayor Bloomberg. He's willing to renegotiate!"
Heli Benson, Greensboro

"Another ad for vinyl siding."
Charles Tanquary, Greensboro

"Our homeowner's has been cancelled. Seems we are on a buffalo migration
route."
Joel Dobson, Greensboro

IT'S FROM THE BANK. ITS A FORECLOSURE NOTICE ON OUR TEPEE
"We could have gotten a much quicker response using smoke signals."
The Winner's Women

"Our heating bill has gone through the roof this month!"
Leslie Lane, Greensboro

They're killing me with these property taxes!
That vinyl siding company salesman just won't quit.
"We won $1,000,000 from Publisher`s Clearinghouse.
"Just another credit card offer"
"I told you that Junior would be not accepted to West Point"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

" Your mother's lawyer sent prenup. Says we divorce, tepee split 50-50. You get inside, I get outside. "
" Ugh ! Bighearted Bank mailed forclosure notice with Love Stamp ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

It says we don't have a "reservation" to live here, so we have to fold up our TP and scram.
William Courter, Greensboro

"It says they are fixing to foreclose."
Juanita Best, Greensboro

Well, it says here that we have to make a reservation.
Susan Siler, Greensboro

" If property taxes keep going up, we're going to have to move to something smaller"
Sue Duff, Greensboro

"Hey look! The Eagle wants his feather back."
Heather Williams, Browns Summit

".... permission to use her face on the new dollar coin."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"It’s from the City Council. We're being annexed!!!"
Clete Waldmiller, Greensboro, NC

Guilford County property taxes are increasing again
"Your property has been annexed to the City of Greensboro."
Alice Cochran, McLeansville

43. We have to renegotiate our treaty.
44. Gentleman start you engines(injuns).
45. The Pilgrims are inviting us to a three-day thanksgiving harvest feast.
46. Honest Injun, it's a summons to report for jury duty!
47. Hey yah, hey yah, hey yah!
48. This injun won't run!
49. The EPA says No Smoke peacepipe!
50. How! Nancy Nelson

"IRS wants more wampum."
Tina McHugh, Greensboro

Its your mother, your family is coming to spend the summer with us.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

It says we're being annexed.
It's a foreclosure notice.
It's from our Home Owner's Association. We have to upgrade to vinyl siding.
Your mother is coming to stay the summer.
This is to advise you we have upgraded from smoke signals to pony express
TonyHummel, Reidsville

We've been annexed into Guilford County.
Becky Holmes

"Looks like the kids want to move back home."
"The kids want to move back home."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

we've been denied our native american right to a casino.
this stimulus check will pay for our room addition.
jerry snow, mcleansville

"Apparently the IRS doesn't take beads for tax payments."
"The home owner's association says our tepee doesn't conform."
"It's official... we're off the reservation."
Craig Moon, High Point
What say? Use stimulus to finally get RV?
Jordan Hart, Greensboro

How! !
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

1. “Our smoke signal rates have gone up again.”
2. “Paleface named, Imminent Domain has claimed our land.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Forced Annex", what does this mean?
Jimmy Joyce, Browns Summit

Oh no! It's a foreclosure letter !
Donald Burkes, Greensboro

"Hmm.if we install aluminum siding, we get one free window."
"If we install aluminum siding, we get one free window."
"You went over your smoke signal minutes again."
"We need to get unlimited smoke signal minutes."
"I can't believe we have to pay for incoming smoke signals."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro, NC

1) An eviction notice?
2) Why do I get the feeling I may NOT already be a winner?
3) A brochure for Oklahoma?
4) Jury duty?! What the heck?!
5) Looks like there's a free blanket giveaway at Bed Bath and Beyond.
6) Look, honey! Free reservations!
7) How nice! The new neighbors want to have us over for dinner!
Eli Oklesh, Gibsonville

"We have been pre-approved for a $150,000 tee pee equity loan."
Jim Bober

"It's our stimulus check from Sitting Bull."
Cheryl Bober

It's from your brother. He says, "Big puff, pause, small puff, pause, big puff."
It's for Napavitna Sighn. They must have the wrong Indians.
I don't read Hindi.
The INS is deporting us?
They are going to foreclose on our teepee.
It's from the IRS. They say we should do nothing and we may or may not qualify for a stimulus check.
It's from those nice colonists that visited last week. They're coming back with some friends.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro

"We've lost our tepee to foreclosure."
"White man have deal: We give land. They give smallpox."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Save on Duct cleaning, not Duck Cleaning."
"Another Roofing Special ..."
"Just what I want - a free time share ..."
"OOO ... Free Foundation Inspection."
"I don't think a jetted tub would fit in the TeePee."
"We've been approved for a credit card ..."
"Ed McMahon wants to buy our house ..."
"What's a BOGO?"
Jon Barsanti, Jr, Greensboro

"Wow - aren't we the lucky ones! No increase in our heating oil costs!"
"Dear Mom & Dad. I left home. Sorry to hurt you but couldn't take any more of that togetherness stuff."
Fr. Louis J. Canino, Stoneville

* "It a Teepee Foreclosure notice!"
* "Is says my stolden identy has been returned"
* "Just more junk mail from Capital One!"
* "It's from my destitute brother, Got-No-Wampum"
* "It's our rebate - $1,200 credit at the tribe's casino"
* "It's our rebate - 600 wampum"
* "Dear "Big Nose Brave", your name change to "Firm Butt Guy" is denied"
* "Due to health concerns, use of the Peace Pipe is banned"
* "The Antique Roadshow is coming. Where did we bury those hatchets?"
* "They want us to participate in a new reality show "Dancing with Wolves"
* "What's a satellite dish?"
* "Another big Rain Dance check thanks to your brother "Radar Warrior"
* "We need to switch to HD TV next year. What is a TV?
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Tonto, Because of cost-of-living increases, I've decided to go back to work. Would you like to join me?
Hal Koger, McLeansville

“IT'S A FORECLOSURE NOTICE, I'M GONNA MAIL IT BACK, THAT'S WHY THE FLAG IS UP."
"THIS SAYS, WE'RE NOT GETTING A STIMULUS CHECK, BECAUSE? A RED FLAG CAME UP ON OUR TAX RETURN."
"WOW! OUR PROPERTY TAXES JUST WENT UP AGAIN."
TRUDAH M. LUCAS, GREENSBORO

1- This is a lawsuit filed by descendants of Lt. Col. Custer.
2- These are P.C. words and music to "Ten Little Native Americans."
3- Here's Frank Lloyd Wright's design for a better tepee.
4- You could be a winner in the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes!
5- This editorial letter says our ancestors were forced to speak English only. Now we're running up on Spanish.
6- This is a translation of a treaty our forefathers signed. Boy, were we cheated! Class action suit!
7- Enter to win the quilt from St. Joseph's Indian School.
Max Harless, Greensboro

"It says that now we can add up to 10 friends to receive our smoke signals."
"It says that we can now widen our Smoke Signal circle of friends."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"We may ALREADY HAVE WON Ed McMahon's house"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

Honey, we are being evicted again!
AW-#@? I thought we were on the reservation
But we have paid those property taxes
John W. Taylor, Greensboro

ITS A CONFIRMATION OF OUR RESERVATION,RESERVATION
I HAVE A RESERVATION ABOUT THIS RESERVATION,RESERVATION.
Joe Richey, Greensboro

51. It say tepee no meet building code! 52. Sioux Me. 53. Medicine man ask if you have papoose ready. 54. Pony Express say it will no longer deliver here. 55. Trade, trade all whiteman want to do is trade. 56. Custer's on the Warpath again! Nancy Nelson

"Says here that I can trade in all our land for a chance to get a casino."
Alex Jakubsen, High Point

"It says: one puff of smoke followed by three more and then two short ones."
"Tribal council meets tonight with special guest, Siegfried and Roy."
"It says I can't go to anymore Southern Guilford games."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

That's it! The party's canceled! We can't use smoke signals anymore.
It says we qualify for central air and heat.
I've been promoted to "Second Feather"
Dwight Hicks

Cheap TP?
1868 Treaty Agreement?
North Carolina Teepee Inspection Notice?
Letter says: Chief Rickert Braves Teepee Hatchet jobs.
George Custer? I C Arrow Fly...Scalp Town, SD??
Animal, Land, Teepee, and Squaw Taxes?
Postal Notice: No Buffalo Hide Envelopes...
Postal Notice: Due to a Carrier Toupee Scare.....
....It's a Federal Violation to use this tax notice as TP....
FEMA's trading trailers for Teepees........
It's a GO GREEN Contest. Says: Show Us Your Home!
Do we need Light Bulb Coupons?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I've told them I'm not doing any more Village People reunion tours!"
Eli Oklesh

It's our Stimulus Check...payable to Wal-Mart.
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

As Gen. George Armstrong Custers closest living relatives....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1- This is a prospectus for stock in a gaming casino.
2- They're dunning us to pay off our account in dollars, not wampum.
3- It's a letter from Sacajawea. She's worn out several moccasins.
Cathy Harless

Why does your father end every letter with 'Hi-Yo, Silver, away'?
I wish your dad would stop calling me Tonto.
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1) " My brother thought his neighbor was flirting with his wife. Turns out he was just burning leaves. "
2) " Since an accident with a bow and arrow, they've been calling him Standing Bull . "
3) " We may already be a winner . "
4) " They want you to pose for a new coin . "
5) " We are supposed to redeem these coupons for free blankets . "
6) " The first payment is not due for many moons . "
7) " It's stained with his tears, but I think it says that he's picking up litter. "
8) " Kemosabe laid me off . "
9) " It seems that this Al Gore guy want us to be more environmentally friendly . "
10) " It's from your brother....Young Bear Running Out of Money . "
11) " It's an offer to put storm windows in our tepee . "
12) " I've been banned from the sidekick hall of fame . "
13) " You'd better sit for this, and I mean indian style . "
14) " They want to know our views on immigration . "
15) " We are being annexed . "
16) " They're giving us free land ? I have to admit I have some reservations . "
17) " Who taught my cousin Tonto to speak....Tarzan ? "
18) " Governor Easley wants us to do a rain dance . "
19) " It's my newsletter from the Norman Greenbaum fan club . "
20) " They foreclosed on our tepee . "
21) " It says we own a share of a casino. What's a casino ? "
22) " Assimilation schmilation ! "
23) " They're trying to sell US dreamcatchers . "
24) " Someone stole my identity. I hope he has better luck with it then I did . "
25) " My tomahawk has been recalled . "
26) " It's our stimulus package, $10 dollars and some firewater . "
27) " It says we are pre-approved . "
28) " If we don't send this letter to 10 braves, we'll have 5 summers of bad luck . "
29) " They said we should contact them by smoke signal during regular business hours . "
30) " P. S. Tell everyone I said...How . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Why Lone Ranger keep sending my squaw long letters with Love Stamps ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Letter from Ed McMahon, we rich. Ugg, he want move in here."
David Downing, Greensboro

"It just says "Croatan."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"It's from my urologist, Chief Flowing Stream."
"It's from my urologist, Chief Ball Squeezer."
"It's from my proctologist, Chief Icy Finger."
"It's from my proctologist, He Who Can't Find Date."
"It's from our lawyer, He Who Rapes Justice."
"It's from our accountant, Chief Bean Counter."
"It's from our florist, Chief Pansy."
"It's from your gynecologist, Mickey Rooney."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

1. President Bush say we have arrows of mass destruction … He is declaring war.
2. It's from Ed MacMahon. No, we're not big sweepstakes winners …He wants to move in!
Mike Riley, Jamestown

"We could have gotten a much quicker response using smoke signals."
The Winner's Women, Greensboro

ugh....no can read..smoke signals better!
Paleface sent stimulant wampum..buy new wigwam!
Maxine Leister, Greensboro
.
Black Hills Campgrounds says, " No Teepees are on Reservations." ?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Dear Mom and Dad, You win. We'll study more if you stop with the historical reenactments!."
CC Cockerham Greensboro, NC

"Junior's having fun in the big city. He's met a policeman, a cowboy, a construction worker..."
"Junior says everyone is so friendly at the YMCA. They all want to shower with him."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

" Ugh ! Uncle Sam sends congratulations on winning Jackpot. Looks forward to his split soon ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

We aren't interested in buying shares of a bridge over the Grand Canyon . . . are we?
Our luck is changing -- we're invited to a potlatch this Saturday!
Big sale on pemmican this week at the Food Deer.
I'll be gone for two weeks -- the salmon are running!
I've been reported by someone for having an endangered bird's feather in my headband.
I'll be gone all weekend. My uncle needs help with his totem.
This time the Army is selling wool blankets.
Are you interested in buying shares of a bridge over the Grand Canyon?

Why didn't he just send a smoke signal? Oh yeah, the cost of fuel.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Time-Life has George Custer commemorative china for only $19.95."
"I'll gladly donate to 'Rails to Trails' but 'Trail of Tears' contributions
are another matter."
"Medicine Man can't make tepee call because he doesn't have a reservation."
"My canoe license expires next month."
"How do you think our tepee would look with aluminum siding?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"It's a coupon for $200 off on vinyl siding."
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

57. Paleface want Pow Wow.
Nancy Nelson

"Look Like We Miss Noon Deadline..."
"Me think Ed McMahon have own problems to deal with..."
"I told you an interest only loan was a bad idea..."
"What is Publisher's Clearing House?"
"White man say we may already have won 10 million dollars!"
"Notice of Foreclosure?"
"They overcharged us for our room at Harrah's..."
"It's Chief Litterbug's royalty check for TV commercial."
"Look like Skybus flight to Cleveland been cancelled..."
"It's the bill for your subscription to Better Home's & WigWams."
"Looks like Running Bear not pass his EOG's."
"Did YOU know what Tonto means?!?!?"
"Looks like 'Sitting Stupid' is going to Summer School again..."
"It says we're becoming a part of Greensboro and we have to pay for water and sewer hookup..."
"Our new trash day is Tuesday..."
"Advertisement For Legal Services...I told you Buffalo going too fast..."
"They've hired me as President of Hair Club For Men...How Funny Is That?!?"
"Do you think we should get the extended warranty on our TeePee?"
"How the $%#@ do we have a $200 water bill?"
"Great...the price of cable is going up...again..."
"I thought we had nationwide long distance included in our plan?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

'' It's from Junior. Asking why we never return his smoke signal."
" No rebate check."
"We are being annexed'"
"Mail delayed because your horse was parked in front of mailbox."
"Water bill?"
" Free garage opener."
" Foreclosure."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

SNAIL MAIL
“This says we are to be annexed.”
Ida G Wells, Jamestown, NC

“Well, Acli, looks like it’s time to downsize…the foreclosure finally went through….”
Theresa Hoffer-Messina, Greensboro

“She’s bringing her 3 roommates to visit!”
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

“It’s our stimulus check! Let’s add a room to our teepee!”
June Monroy, Greensboro

“I just won the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes”
“Wow! We won a trip to an Indian Reservation.”
“They’re foreclosing on our house!”
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

“No Pay Taxes, No Get Refund”
Clara Triolo, Greensboro

“Oh dear, we won’t be getting a stimulus check this year.”
Theodora Henry, Lexington

“We’re being annexed”
“We’re being deported. They want us to know where we come from.”
“Our stimulus check will be paid in wampum.”
C.K. Williams, Lexington

“Bad News, The bank is Foreclosing”
Billy Wagner, High Point

“It’s from the Lone Ranger, he has an opening.”
Fred Cotton, Greensboro

“Must be a party….says they have a reservation for us.”
“Vinyl siding…..50% off.”
“Ugh! Foreclosure notice.”
“Do we want a home where the buffalo roam?”
“Great white father send stimulus check.”
“It’s from Frontier Mortgage…teepee payment going up.”
“Another offer for campground timeshare.”
“Says tribal picnic being held at Wounded Knee this year.”
“It’s from cousin Little Elk in Cleveland.”
“….and it’s signed, Or else George Custer.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“It says there’s a big ship coming.”
Agnes C. Roberts, McLeansville

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Someone apparently thought they could get their name in the paper by entering a caption like "Keep the News & Record coming so we can keep up with Brewster Rockit" but I would never print such a self-serving response or the person's name. Right, Max Harless of High Point?
a LOT of good entries this week. See the blog. Also, a new feature on the blog, since you guys like puns so much, I’m adding a best/worst (they’re usually the same) pun category.
Overall, a very competative week. Any one of a dozen or more entries were first-place worthy.

WINNER
"I thought you said everyone would be wearing nametags."
Diane Bishop, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
“I’m just saying, casual Fridays would be a nice change.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

That guy on the right. No, that guy! The guy right there, Earl! Yeah, you look like him.
Stephen Botts , Greensboro

“OK, my turn. I spy with my little eye, something black & white."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Looks like a lot of new faces this year."
Julia Stevens, Greensboro

I don't understand how you can feel out of place!
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"What do you mean, black's not my colour?"
Heidi, Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada
One of them foreign import models.

So which of you is a female?
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro

I'm no good for you. I'm a loner, a rebel.
Mike Pearce, Reidsville

“Does anyone else think nuns are kinda hot.”
Joel Clark, Greensboro

Brr!!
Nancy Nelson

MORE RUNNERS-UP
Here are some that qualified as runners-up but we just didn't have room in the paper.
I'm sorry I thought you were the waiter.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

“You look familiar.”
Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I can't wait to see my blind date."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"A little overdressed for swimming, don't you think?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

“I don’t care if you did buy me a plane ticket. I’m a flightless bird."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Is it cold in here to you?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST / WORST PUN
"May I please borrow your pen, Gwen?"
Patty Tiska, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
This from Bob Beitzel of Pleasant Garden had me going to Google:
“I wish Lyle Lovett would leave us alone!!”

And, of course, the man who practically invented this category, Bob Mannary:
The "Milo and Bill" reference was close, but the winner was:
"Then he says, '"Pardon me, but could you help out a fellow American who's down on his luck?'"
and ...
"...and the card says, HOBOKEN!! I was in tears..."
And sadly, I didn't need to Google those.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Max Harless takes that prize with the above mentioned "Brewster Rockit" reference.

THE REST
"Looks like a lot of new faces this year."
Julia Stevens, Greensboro

1. I'll be glad when I can get out of this tuxedo!
2. Who told everyone we were auditioning for Dancing with the Stars?!!
3. I hate crowds.
4. Surfs up!
5. I don't have HAPPY feet.
6. We're packed in like a can of sardines.
7. We need a bigger berg for these family reunions.
8. My feet aren't happy.
9. It's too crowded to dance.
10. Who ate all the sardines?
11. Someone has krill breathe.
12. Who ate all the shrimp dip?
13. This Conga line isn't going anywhere.
14. Are you warm enough now?
15. Hubie don't be shy just give her the pebble.
16. I hate waiting in line for these sales.
17. Who told them the shrimp boats were a coming?!!
18. There is no place to MARCH.
19. Are you building a new rookery?
20. It's to crowded to do that now.
21. Who told them we had plenty of tuna?
22. I'd rather be swimming with the fishes.
23. Are you expecting again?!
24. What do you mean you can't swim!
25. Who invited Batman?
26. Do you think Batman will come?

The clerk told me this outfit was one of a kind.
Marie Boulware, High Point
"I've got sad feet."
Glenda Layton, Carthage
"What do we wear on Casual Fridays?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

All dressed up and no place to go.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I'll check...what's she wearing?"
"OK...where's Milo and Bill...This will be HILARIOUS!"
"It's left, right, left, right..."
"It's left, right, left, right, didn't you read the script?"
"Is it cold in here to you?"
"Don't get cold feet on me now..."
"Dude...you need a breath mint..."
"I think this is the one with the Joker in it..."
"Then he says, '"Pardon me, but could you help out a fellow American who's down on his luck?'"
"...and the card says, HOBOKEN!! I was in tears..."
"Burgess Meredith without a doubt..."
"Dude...that was a Walrus!!"
I hate these formal affairs..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

27. Opus you forgot the bow ties again.
28. So you think everything is just black and white!
29. We don't need color in our decor.
Nancy Nelson

"You look familiar."
"Batman killed my grandpa."
"I'm not saying it's cold, but I'm peeing ice cubes."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Tailor-made, each and everyone !”
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

30. Do you know who framed Roger Rabbit?
31. Cozy Heart, you didn't invite those Care Bears did you?!
32. Willy are you still Chilly!
33. Why are your feet so cold?
34. Don't get cold feet now.
35. You've leaving us to do frozen food commercials.
Nancy Nelson

"I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"
"DON'T LOOK AT ME, I DIDN'T DO IT"
Clare Grady, Asheboro

"Yes, he's here. You can't miss him. He looks just like me."
William Courter, Greensboro

"Who needs a mirror?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"What do you mean he's not my kid - he looks just like me"
Velma Loy, Reidsville

"I'm telling you our new County Commissioner is a speciest; He claims all penguins look alike."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"If I fumble, she said it's "extra laps" for me."
Rick Meehan, Graham

They use the same sketch over and over again in the wanted posters.
Our police department doesn't have much luck with line-ups.
It's a fancy formal dinner -- krill AND squid!
All dressed up and no place to go.
Up close and personal beats higher utility bills.
I'm freezing -- count me out of this YouTube video.
Anyone catch that movie "A Face in the Crowd"?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"It's not all black and white you know!!!"
Gail Holland, Madison

36. Where's the Bud?
Nancy Nelson

Lousy stinkin' rental!
I don't care what anyone else thinks, I'm freezing!
All dressed up and no place to go.
Does this make me look fat?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

I'm glad my tuxedo has elastic and spandex.
This is the biggest line-up the police have ever had.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"So, are we going to start dressing casual or what?"
Beverly M. Goldston, Siler City

"We should at least be able to dress casual on Fridays!"
Ken Miller, Jamestown

"I don't care how popular that movie is, I ain't marching nowhere!!!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Does anyone here have a concern about identity theft?"
George Keely, Jr., High Point

"How long are we going to stand here for?"
Andrew Newman, Greensboro

"Hey, have you seen the new guy? ...
No, what's he look like?"
Karla O'Brian, Reidsville

I wonder.....could he hear me now?
Soooooo.....you like the suit?
You’re one in a million!
Black tie?
Think I'll blend in?
This iceberg's smaller than my suit!
Just once, couldn't you wear a dress.
Talk about cold receptions.
Who doesn't waddle?
Monkey suit? Whats a monkey??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

37. Girls let's teach her the Waddle.
38. I told you to keep your fins to yourself.
39. Do not flip me the bird ever again.
40. Dive right in!
41. Last one in the water is a rotten penguin!
42. Yes, you are supposed to sit on your chicks.
Nancy Nelson

All our meetings are formal.
James O. Durham, Greensboro

"Hey guys! Is anyone else beginning to think this is a little embarrassing?"
KENNETH CASE

"Once, just once, I'd like to have a casual Friday."
"I can't wait to see my blind date."
"I wish they would get on with it, I gotta have this back by ten."
"I'm like you, I didn't know if a