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E-mail your caption to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Hello, and welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries. I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
Wow! Shark week here at "Jokes On You" was a rousing success! There were a lot of strong entries; a feeding frenzy of clever gags. It sure made picking a winner tough. But don't take my word for it, look at the captions you submitted.

WINNER
"I ATE STUPID"
Steve Carbone, Greensboro
Simple, clever. There was at least one more variation of this, but I liked the simplicity of this one. Simple captions scored big in the runners-up too.

THE RUNNERS-UP
There were several of "... and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" captions I liked, but I couldn't choose between them.

"I see dead people"
Tonya Doss, Madison

"Vote for Pedro"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
See "Napoleon Dynamite" if you don't get this one.

"Got Blood?"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"If you can read this you're probably lunch!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point
There was an illustration submitted with this one, but I thought it worked better without it.

"BE MY CHUM"
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

THE REST
I only included submitted illustrations when I thought the caption didn't work without it.
1."This bite's for you."
2. "Feed me."
3. "Bite me."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"My grandpa went to the beach and bit a tourist.
All I got was this lousy t-shirt.
Somewhere Beach, NC"
Heath Lloyd, Reidsville

"WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
Every Friday
Sharky's Shack
PREHISTORICS ONLY!!!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"SMILE! Whaler Orthodontics"
"I ate the 300 pounder at Sam's Wharf"
Karen Burns, Greensboro

"Eat More Sturgeon"
C. Clifton, Kernersville

"I shouldn't have ate the whole thing."
Paul Micka, Asheboro

"Human...Tastes like Chicken"
Ted Eaves, Greensboro

"Later Jimmy's mother explained to him that 'Bite your tongue' is just an expression."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Guess My Profession"
Allan Shatterly, Burlington

"Been there, done that. Oops... ate the person in the T-shirt."
Patricia Edwards, Asheboro

"My Mom bit a man in half and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
Charles W Hamilton, Greensboro

"Amity 1975"
"Amity School 1975"
"Will Work for Food"
"I Ate the Whole Thing!"
"Where's the Beef?"
"Red Cross - Give Blood"
"San Jose Sharks"
"Miami Dolphins"
"Davy Jones Cleaning Service"
"Event Staff"
"Peter Benchley for President"
"Professional Courtesy to Lawyers"
"I Hate School Uniforms"
"The James Dean Look"
Rob Black, High Point

"Someone went swimming in Gulf Breeze, FL...
and all I got was their lousy T-shirt"
Donna Williams, High Point

"This species is easy to identify, it's the Great White T-Shark"
Mark McGregor, Greensboro

"Don't you think these new school uniforms are too short?"
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

"That first helping of the 'Super Glue' I found was tasty, but for some reason I just can't get my mouth set right for seconds."
Wil Courter, Greensboro

On t-shirt -- "SEA Sharkey the LONE SHARK for Quick Cash -- 3000% interest per year"
Caption at bottom of cartoon -- "Sharkey quit The School of Sharks before homophones were taught."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Free Bites"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Life Guard"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Skimboarders....
Taste great, less filling."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"2007
PeopleMasters Classic
Champion"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"GOT CHUM?"
Steve Carbone, Greensboro

"I GRADUATED LAW SCHOOL AND ALL THEY GAVE ME WAS THIS LOUSEY T-SHIRT!"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"I got this shirt yesterday and he was delicious."
"But no one told me it was a Formal feeding frenzy."
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"I'm The One Your Mother Warned You About."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

"Go Veggie."
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

"I brake for squid."
Charles N. Rowe, Thomasville

1."MY PARENTS ATE JOE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT"
2."GO HEELS! Toes, ankles, feet, legs"
3."I EAT AT VIRGINIA BEACH"
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

"Camp Yum Yum Eat 'Um Up"
Patti Hensler, Greensboro

"I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing!"
Ed Hensler, Greensboro

"Tastes Like Chicken!"
Ed Hensler, Greensboro

"Winner 2007
People Eating Contest"
Coney Island, NY
12 In One Hour!"
Ed Hensler, Greensboro

"T-Shirt by day, full body bib on lobster nights!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"My parents work at Seaworld, and all I got was this crummy T-shirt!"
"My contract stipulates that there will be no nude scenes in JAWS IV."
"It's almost frenzy time, and mother insists that we dress for dinner."
"Does this T-shirt make my fin look fat?"
"No. I'm not Mack the Knife, I get that a lot: it must be the T-shirt."
Samuel Clark Whicker, Greensboro

"My dad was the star of a movie and all he brought me was this crummy t-shirt!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I was with Stupid...but I ate him."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Property of Civilization of Atlantis"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Swimming lessons
$5.00
Free"George Subsavage, Greensboro

"OK, waiter. I'm ready for a lobster dinner."
Betty Burton, Greensboro

"Can't touch this"
Phyllis Rollins, Greensboro

Amelia Er - who?
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

I (heart) MAC THE KNIFE
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden, NC

REAL SHARKS DON'T EAT QUICHE
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing."
John Laughter, Summerfield

"Top of tee-shirt 'Eat at Bruces'...pix is of a box of people (like a fries box) OR a sardine can of people...with the bottom of the shirt reading 'Try our McBlubber Nuggets'"
Connor Barbour (age 12), Clayton

1. "A license plate with a red circle with a bar across it."
2. "A 'Do not enter' road sign"
3. "'Eat at Joe's' with the "at" marked through."
BL Powers, Whitsett

"Save the Manatee"
Nancy Fox

"Greenpeace"
"Save a Shark - Eat More Fishermen"
"Save a Shark - Eat More Dolphins"
"I Starred in Jaws 5 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"
Wally Fox

"Overblown"
"Shark T-shirt Contest"
James Ferrell, McLeansville

Send you entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
Looks like last week's cartoon left you bewitched, bothered and bewildered, as we didn't get as many entries as the previous week, and the over-all quality wasn't as high. Maybe it was simply "Harry Potter" overload.
Some interesting themes: "Eye of Newt Gingrich" and at least two involved cooking cats. What's up with that?
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

WINNER

"I saw this on Rachel Ray."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
What appealed to me about this caption was that Rachel Ray is (to me anyway) just obscure enough to make it funny. I got the same entry except with "Martha Stewart" instead that, to me, didn't work because Martha Stewart is WAY too obvious a choice.

THE RUNNERS UP

"What comes after "toil and trouble?"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
My other favorite. Very close to winning. Very close.

"This was the only prescription plan I could afford."
Jay Jarrell, High Point

"I added a little Texas Pete to give it a kick"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"The EPA should be happy, we've reduced emissions by 20% this year."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"She thinks her cat ran away, so just keep stiring."
Mike Adkin, Madison

THE REST

"It's not really chicken."
Larry Tyrell, Greensboro

"Gimmie that Ole Time Religion!"
Charles C. King, Siler City

"Shall we add the eye of newt now or wait until early November 2008?"
"Why does the church always hide us when we're stirring the Brunswick stew?"
"Leave out the California raw spinach -- it ruined our last batch!"
"We need better marketing for sales year-round, not just in October."
"Anyone else about to burn up -- or am I just getting old?"
"Stir, girls, stir -- steam opens up skin pores and makes warts fall off."
"You don't like my recipe -- too bad -- I'm Esmeralda, not Emeril."
"I'm about tired of her constantly saying a watched pot never boils."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I think the former Speaker of the House looks good with his new monocle, don't you?"
Ted VanHoy, Summerfield

"The more you stir it, the more it stinks,"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"We threw in your little Toto for hair of the dog."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"No, you canNOT use a whisk!!!"
Margaret Wrape, Greensboro

"Stop your "WITCHING" --- we all have hot flashes!!!"
Dwight Stanton, Greensboro

"Relax, I was just joking --- that's not REALLY the eye of NEWT GINGRICH!!!!"
Deborah Stanton, Greensboro

1."Bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble?...Sorry it doesn’t sing."
2."So I hear you are a graduate of the Cordon Bleu."
Paul Senior, Greensboro

"...and there is no transylvainia fat in this batch"
"My ex, Igor, is in there to give the mix body"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

(1) "Needs a few more frogs and less centipedes"
(2) "This ought to help us EAT STUPID"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"Needs more meat. Add another candidate?"
M. Cockerham, Greensboro

"Did you add a pinch of salt?"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

"IT`S BEEN TO HOT TO THINK ABOUT HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!"
WAYNE MILLER, ASHEBORO

"Don't worry --- It is eye of newt, not eye of Newt Gingrich."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"That last toad had more warts that we do!"
Mike Tilley, Greensboro

"Girls, I'm leaving the coven. I bought a crockpot!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"You're first only because you're right handed!"
"I just love your new outfit!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"If this works Skip will turn white and Billy will turn black. Should be interesting..."
David Mingia, Greensboro

"SNAKE....OK....LIZARD....OK.....HEMLOCK....CHECK.....FISH FROM CHINA?..ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL SOMEBODY????"
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"DON'T ADD ANYTHING OF SUBSTANCE!!...This is for the congressional luncheon!"
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"So you missed your broom payment. It's not like they're going to burn you at the stake!"
Ed Hensler, Greensboro

"Nevermind Viagra....Have him try this!"
Patti Hensler, Greensboro

"Were making brewster rockits space ship fuel."
Mike Adkin, Madison

"I added some chicken soup for your cold."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"Are you sure this is the Brunswick Stew recipe?"
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"C'mon, just smile!"
Violet Finger, Sapulpa,Ok.

"Hillary gave me the recipe."
Ruth Long, Greensboro

"We've rehearsed this enough to be cast in Macbeth in High Point."
"Three many cooks spoil the broth."
"Let's move to Eastwick and show them how it's really done."
"That Shakespeare dude got us stereotyped."
"Our uniforms are politically correct if we call it standard mode of dress."
Max Harless, High Point

"After Fluffy died and the taxidermist didn't show, I thought, 'well, why not?'"
Linda Satterfield, Greensboro

"All natural ingredients."
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Do you think this brew will qualify us for the food network?"
E. Klostermyer, Asheboro

"Trust me. This new Chinese recipe will knock them off their feet."
Steve Dixon, Trinity

"A little eye of Gingrich."
Jack Harrington, Greensboro

"I got this recipe from Martha Stewart."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Do you know how hard it is to find low fat eye of newt???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Adding a drive-thru was the best idea you ever had Pandora."
"Remember to wash your stir sticks, we can't survive another 63.5 sanitation grade."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"The EPA should be happy, we've reduced emissions by 20% this year."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"This brew should be fantastic - I used organic Eye of Newt."
Mark Rebeck, Browns Summit

"Ok Hazel, time to add your favorite body part."
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"It's OK, my dentist made me an extra pair."
"New recipe: Three husband stew."
Lynda Haskins, Greensboro

"Smoking 'pot.'"
Aileen M. Jones, Greensboro

Send you entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Whew! A lot of you used last week's cartoon to vent. President Bush took the most heat, but also taking shots were Rosie O'Donnell, the Greensboro City Council, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Michael Vick, Paris Hilton and others. Feel better?
My personal favorite was this note that came with a snail-mail entry from Florence Schultz of Greensboro: "I am 91 years old. I don't have a computer. Your paper's great."
Thank you Florence. We think you're great too.

WINNER
"Where are all the dudes in distress?"
Kris Voy, Trinity
It was the word "dudes" that sold this one. Nothing else would have worked.

THE RUNNERS_UP
"Thanks mom, but I have this on DVD."
Greg Deal, Greensboro
A close runner-up.

"Momma, why didn't Rapunzel just use her cell phone to call for help? Was the tower out of range??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mummy, why wasn't Jack arrested for stealing the Giant's things and causing his death?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Grandma is too big for the big bad wolf to swallow."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

THE REST
"Come on do you think I was born yesterday? "
Shirley Stultz, Climax

"Hillary & Bill went up the Hill...."
Bill Campbell, Summerfield

"This sounds like the Bush Administration to me. Are you sure that it belongs in this book?"
Bob Kollar, Greensboro

"'The War on Terror' illustrated By G.W. Bush"
Jamey Holder, Pleasant Garden

"What does 'void where prohibited' mean?"
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"What's A Fairy?"
Joyce Ward, Asheboro

1. "I like the fairy tale Michael Vick is telling better."
2. "Doggone it, but the Michael Vick fairy tale is better!"
3. "Mom, is a fairy tale like the story Michael Vick is telling?"
4. "If this is a fairy tale then why doesn't the fairy have a tail?"
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"No, dear, we don't use that word any more."
Sandy Emerson, Burlington

"Mom, I don't enjoy fairy tales after watching TV reality shows."
"Did Rapunzel use Rogaine to grow so much hair?"
"The Princess didn't eat her last pea so she hid it under the mattress."
"Why didn't the Emperor go to a yard sale for more clothes?"
"Mom, are you sure kissing a frog won't give you warts?"
"People who wear glass slippers need great pedicures."
"The Little Match Girl should not be playing with matches."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"so lieing makes your nose big,, thats why you dont tell daddy about the milkman."
Mike Adkins, Madison.

"the greensboro city council all agreed to get along together. now thats a fairy tale."
Mike Adkins, madison.

"Did the government really used to be by the people, for the people, of the people?"
Chip (no last name or town given)

"Another name for Sleeping Beauty could be Froggie Went A' Courting."
"Mom, how many frogs do I have to kiss to find a prince?"
"When the baby bear got sick did it take bear aspirin?"
"I don't think these fairy tales are grim at all."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Mommy, what's a compassionate conservative?"
" Mommy, Why won't you read me about Snow White and the seven Congressmen?"
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"Can we terminate this mom? I've got an early tattoo appointment."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. "Look at that Mommy. The troll looks like the lady who was on "The View".
2. "Let's see, we have the 3 bears, the 3 blind mice, the 3 little pigs, and the 3 billy goats gruff. Is there one in there about the 3 pit bulls and the quarterback?"
3. "Mommy, does "once upon a time" mean the same thing as "and it came to pass?"
4. "Mommy I love this book. Does it come in a smaller, King James Version with a zipper?"
5. "Mommy, can you skip ahead to the believable parts?"
6. "The housekeeper says Daddy is like a wolf in the bed too."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Mommy, why did the Witch turn Michael Vick into a dog?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

The little boy went Pssst, Pssst, Pssst in the cat's ear. Does that mean he Psssted in the cat's ear?
Rich Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"If the old woman in the shoe didn't like children, how come she had so many?"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"And then George proudly exclaimed, 'Mission Accomplished".
Jack Alford, Greensboro

"The Three Bears did WHAT???"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Mommy, why is the Prince making Brittney, Lindsay, and Paris ride in the Pumpkin instead of driving?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mom, I learned in school how to remember the seven dwarfs: two S’s, two D’s, and three emotions. Two S’s: Sleepy and Sneezy; two D’s: Dopey and Doc; and three emotions: Happy, Bashful, and Grumpy. Now I just wish I could learn to count to seven."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mommy, why did they lock Princess Paris in the tower? Did King George Bush do it?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"It seems like the Three Little Pigs would have warned Little Red Riding Hood about the wolf, and then she could have warned Hansel and Gretal not to go into the woods alone. Go figure."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I thought this book was suppose to put me to sleep."
Justin Holton, Randleman

"I thought you said the Cubs would never be that good again."
Wally Fox, Greensboro

Predident Bush's news broadcast"
Florence Schultz, Greensboro

"Mama, I don't think Oprah bought into any of this."
The only white stallions I've seen are at the circus and you know what they leave behind."
"Isn't Rapunzel aware that the style a short, cropped bob?"
"The soap operas were awfully boring back then, mom."
"I don't think the prince would have seemed so charming if Sleeping Beauty were awake more often."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Is Goldie Locks one of the Spice Girls?"
"Did Little Red Riding Hood take her cell phone?"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Is 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry' in there?"
"I heard a librarian say Bruno Bettelheim said these stories are OK for children."
"Witches, Ogres, Sorcerers, giant killers: my kind of people!"
"I know. Once upon a time and they lived happily ever after."
Max Harless, High Point

"Did the Big Bad Wolf, have rabies?"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro