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Send you entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I know why Gary Larson had an inordinate affection for cows. They are just inherently funny. I mean, there's practically nothing you can write that won't be funnier coming from a cow. You must have noticed that since this week's entries were up in quantity and quality. There were a lot of "Chick-Fil-A," "Got milk," mad-cow and vegetarian gags, and some ... well ... check them out yourself. But, here are my choices. Read them quickly before I change my mind again.

WINNER
"So who should we eat first?"
Tushar Zaver, Greensboro
The consensus favorite around here, but it was a tough decision. Many contenders.
I think it was the vacuous, clueless expression on the cow's face combined with the caption that made this one work. In fact, that's good advice for anyone entering the contest: Pay attention to who's talking and their expression.

RUNNERS UP
"I still can't believe you let me steer the boat!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
This one made me smile. In fact, Joel probably gets the award this week for most consistantly good entries.

"Did you guys happen to hit that buffet before we sank? The steaks were fantastic"
Rick Stanco, Jamestown
A favorite of mine, but it didn't score as well with others around here.

"Did you guys see this emergency kit. Nothing but charcoal and a grill. Isn't that stupid?"
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"You're right, this does remind me of a Farside cartoon."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Relax, I'm a mirage."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Whoa guys, don't you recognize me? I know we've been out here a while, but I'm just your old buddy, Bill."
Melanie Carroll, Kernersville
See posted comment. No argument here.

"So are you boys vegetarians?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
A lot of vegetarian gags. There were several others that probably said about the same thing, but this one stuck out at me at the time. Once again, this worked better with the cow's facial expression to me.

THE REST
"Don't even think about it ... I've got Mad Cow Disease"
"Say, are you guys vegetarians?"
Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"I'll bet you're nutritious and delicious, taste just like chicken!"
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville

"Normally, I'm a vegetarian, BUT...eeny, meeny, meiny, moe!"
Debbie Karibian, Greensboro

"Well, guys who wants a drink first?"
Jan Hitch, High Point

"Eat more chicken!"
Joshua Crooks, Greensboro

1) "So where's that chicken I told you about?"
2) "Which story do you want to hear--the moon jump or the China Shoppe?"
3) "Then I met this cute little heifer.."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"I guess we all know who's in charge here!"
Bob Kollar, Greensboro

"That's a bum steer about cows and methane."
"Hey, even city slickers know cows produce methane."
"Al Gore has warned you about cows emitting methane."
"So, are you drawing straws to see who milks me?"
"No milk here, you city slickers, 'cause I'm a steer."
Boring Boat Cows: "Then Bessie mooed at Daisy, Daisy mooed at Elsie, Elsie mooed at . . . ."
"I always say "Cowabunga" when I'm tense!"
"Stop talking about the high cost of beef!"
"Let's snag some seaweed -- I need to chew my cud."
"Don't worry fellows -- I'm a vegetarian."
"I may be worried, but I'm not a mad cow!"
"I promise not to puncture the raft with my horns."
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I liked the goofiness of the "Boring boat cows."

"Hope these guys are vegetarians...."
Scott Martz, Greensboro

1. "I know what you're thinking and you're going to need more guys."
2. "First one to so much as touch me, gets the horns."
3. "Eat Mor Fish!"
4. "For the last time.... I'm a steer. I don't do the "milk thing"!
5. "If I hear any of you mention "tartar" again, you're getting the
horns!"
6. "Now that I've foiled your plans to bring Kobe beef to America, let's talk about how you're going to get me some sea weed."
Des Laffan, Summerfield

"One more word about eating me and I stick my horn through this raft!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Hot enough for you?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
I like the non-sequitor. Works well with the cow's expression.

"I know you guys are thirsty, but for the last time I'm a bull!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
The last entry on the short-list to be cut. It was that close to a runner-up.

"Thank god! I am so glad that all three of you are Hindus."
Tushar Zaver, Greensboro

"Triplets, huh? Well, I've Heifer mind to tell you that you're Udderly handsome traveling companions!"
No name or city given

"LOOK INTO MY EYES YOUR ALL VEGANS."
Willaim Ball, High Point

"Honest guys, the grill slipped right out of my huffs."
Todd Needles, High Point

"Say, fellas, have you heard the latest news about mad cow?"
Nancy Stevens, Jamestown
Better phrasing could have made this one a contender.

"Yeah, so eventually I made it really big in marketing. I'm sure you've seen my stuff--"Eat Chikin."
Marcia Woodward, Greensboro

"So which one of you cats is the Rabbi?"
Amy Bryant, Greensboro
This went in a different direction, which I like, but strayed too far from the visual.

1. "Are any of you die hard members of PETA??"
2. "Isn't this situation "udderly" disgusting?"
3. " Where is the fresh food you boys say you brought along?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Number three was a runner-up contender

"Did you just say 'Got Milk?'"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"All I have to say is 'Eat more Chick'n' and remember Michael Bick!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"My tail can swish flies away -- don't know about vultures though!"
"Can't believe this started out as a cattle drive at the Rio Grande."
"Well I graduated from the Happy Heifer Kindergarten at NC State."
"Don't mean to brag, but I was born at the Cow Palace in Raleigh."
"If we had a bigger boat I'd show you what a hoofer I am!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Got Milk?"
"Have you heard the one about the hungry cow lost at sea?"
Claudia Anne Burdick, Greensboro

"Hungry? I got chicken!"
Randy Payne, Greensboro

"As I was saying Tom, Dick and Harry my name is E. Coli, now who's gona paddle?"
Randy Payne, Greensboro

"Betcha two raft-punchin' horns y'all do whatever this ole bull tells ya."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Boy, could I go for a nice, thick steak right now!"
Scott Romine, Greensboro
Another one that made the short list. I liked it, but it didn't score as high with others.

"Got milk?"
Brent York, Greensboro

"So come here often?"
Jay Brown, High Point
I like the non-sequitor aspect of this one.

"I think this would situation would make and interesting reality TV show
don't you?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"OKAY, if you must know- Noah dumped me because he thought I was getting too friendly with the old heifer on board. So! What's your story?"
Linda Ford, Gibsonville

"That statement really does not MOOOOOve me!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"The way I see it you're breakfast, lunch and dinner."
Margot Robinson, Greensboro

"Sorry fellas, you just can't milk a bull!"
George Cornett, Greensboro.

So, how long have you guys been sailors?"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

1. "Want to share some cud?"
2. "I think Geico will have some openings when we are rescued!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "Jake? Haven't seen him recently. He must have slipped overboard during my watch."
2. "I guess it is my turn. So my secret is... I have mad cow disease!"
3. "The provisions? I have put them in a safe place."
4. "You guys are beginning to look like cows!"
5. "Yep, that trip over the moon was something special."
6. "Who is up for a bull fight?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

".....and then I was a billboard model for the "Eat 'mo chicken" campaign."
Pat Barton, Eden

"you're eyes are getting heavy....repeat after me.......eat more chickin"
JOwens

"I don't know about you fellas, but I sure could go for a cold glass of milk".
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"Thats right boys I am 100 percent Angus Beef!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"So you see, there's so many advantages to being a vegetarian..."
Matt Sadler, Phoenix

"OK, I told you to eat more chicken, now who's first?"
Lu Anne Clark, Climax

1. "One false move, guys, and I'll lay the horn to this sucker!"
2. "OK guys, here are the rules. No got milk jokes. I hate those. When we get to an island, fire is strictly taboo. Grass, hay, and straw; learn to love 'em!"
3. "Guess who left the barn door open?"
4. "I'd rather be stranded with Emeril. He's a pork fat kinda guy."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"I don't suppose any of you gentlemen are Hindu?"
David Theall, Greensboro

1. "Udderly cool raft, dudes."
2. "Can we drift over to some pasture? I'm hungry."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

1. "Okay, okay. How about this one. Two cows and a bull walk into a bar and ..."
2. "What'll it be today boys? Milk, milk ... or milk"
Greg Deal, Greensboro

"You think you're hot, I'm wearing leather!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
This made the short list of contenders.

"I think it's time for another lecture on the advantages of the vegan lifestyle."
joe j richey

"OK, SO YOUR THE THREE MEN FROM THE TUB. I KNOW I'M FERDINAND. NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS INK SNIFFING CARTOONIST EXPECTS US TO DO."
joe richey, greensboro

"Eat more sushi"
"Start paddling fellas, the 'float thru' window at Chick-Fil-A closes in an hour."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Ok now let's sing 'Row, row, row your boat...' "
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Let's all get acquainted...Where you'all from?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Let's play charades!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"...then there was the time that I jumped over the moon..."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"And then he drew a picture of me wearing nothing but a blue diamond...."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sure! I Got Milk!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You must be the dudes in distress!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Hee-hee. A reference to an earlier winner.

"You really should eat more chicken. No, Really.......!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sure, I knew Mister Ed; ...you know he had script writers."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Don't believe all those Mad Cow stories!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mad Cow? No, I've been through Anger Management."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"So, you men from around here?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...just don't let me fall asleep and poke a hole in this thing!"
"...just don't let me fall asleep and poke a hole in this thing! Know any boat songs?"
"Can I lay my head in your laps to nap so I won't poke a hole in this thing??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Say...you're not wearing leather, are you???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You don't happen to have any sunscreen do you? I don't like to tan my hide."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"When Ole MacDonald started talking about taking us from his farm to his restaurant, I split!"
"Well, I was livin' on Ole MacDonald's farm when he started mentioning Big Mac....so I headed out to sea!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sorry guys, must have been that last burritto."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
I liked it. But ...

"If you guys will just vow to Eat More Chicken, I'll gladly take us to shore!"
Linda Workman, Greensboro

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE 'HEY DITTLE DITTLE, THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE', I'M SURE YOU WILL LIKE, "RUB A DUB DUB, THREE MEN IN A TUB."
M. Cockerham

"Humm, my first stomach is starting to get a little hungry. How bout you guys?"
David Downing, Greensboro

"Since we're all traveling together I suggest we reveal our Mad Cow and Tuberculosis status."
"My results came back negative for Mad Cow Disease, may I assume none of you have tuberculosis."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Hey guys, look out for a crazy shark wearing an 'I ATE STUPID' t-shirt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Hee - hee. Another reference to an earlier winner. Nice.

1. "Why are you staring? Haven't you ever seen a cow before?"
2. "A 1, a 2, a 3, and on his farm he had a cow, with a moo, moo here..."
3. "Eat more chicken"
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
The first one made my short list of contenders.

"So you guys are vegetarians, right?"
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"Knock-knock"
"Want to play Go Fish?"
"Anybody catch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel?"
Wally Fox, Greensboro
I liked the post-modernist feel of these captions.

"So I told Fidel, I could be USDA Choice in America"
Nancy Fox, Greensboro
I liked the Cuba angle here. Very original.

"Do you fellas know how to get to Chick-Fil-A?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

"I told you to eat more chikn, now you gotta pay the piper!"
"Yeah, that's righ, there ain't no beautiful blonde in this story just a big hairy cow. Now who's first?"
Mark, Greensboro
The second one made me smile ... but not quite right for a family paper.

"I sure hope you guys like Milk."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

Menu: "Chicken or beef?"
Susanne Coatta, Greensboro

"So you Guys ate more chicken?"
Glenda Siegner, Eden

"This reminds me of Hitchcock's movie, 'Lifeboat.'"
"Don't expect milk from me. I'm a bull."
Max Harless, High Point

"I've got milk - who's got cookies?"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"How about fish instead?"
"MMM, hello boys!"
Roslyn L. Lowery, Asheboro

"Hey don't look at me, I'm on vacation."
"I'm sure glad you guys are lactose-intollerant."
"Look, I'm out at sea. I guess that makes me un-pasture-ized."
"C'mon, let's sing camp songs ... "And on the raft there was a cow, E-I-E-I-O."
"Has anyone ever told you guys you need to eat more chicken?"
"Milk, milk, everywhere and not a drop to drink."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Beef jerky? Is that a new rock group?"
Tom Padrick, Asheboro

"Anyone bring the cookies? I got the milk."
Kathy Owens, Thomasville

"What's for dinner? Chicken I hope."
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"Well, I don't do milk but I'm great at methane."
"I guess this will teach us to take Noah more seriously."
"OK, boys. Forget ice cream, think milk shake. Let's start the bidding."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro
I liked the bidding angle here. But the wording isn't quit right.

"You three row ... I steer ... that should be obvious!"
Roy Frazier, Danville, VA
A late entry that missed the deadline. But here it is, nevertheless.

Send you entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I blame myself. This week's cartoon was too specific with not a lot of room for interpretation. The upshot? Well over 100 entries all within spitting distance of each other themematically. "Buzz off," "Don't call me honey," "Who was that flower you were with," etc., pretty much sums up 99 percent of this week's entries. And the flower/bee related puns! I was up to my antenna in them! (See? Now I'M doing it!)
And is it just me, or do a few of these just sound dirty?

WINNER
"I hope you have protection!"
Cee Duncank, Greensboro
The only one with this theme. Clever and short, an unbeatable combo.

RUNNERS UP
"And just WHOSE pollen is that on your thorax, mister?"
Scott Romine, Greensboro
I like this variation on the "lipstick on the collar" theme.

"So, I hear you told all the guys back at the hive that I was easy!"
Des Laffan, Summerfield
There were a few more with similar gags, but I thought this one worked best.

"What do you mean you have allergies!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
I don't know. I just liked the idea of a bee having allergies.

"You didn't think I would remember. Well, I am a perennial!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
I thought this was clever.

"So, what's this I hear about you and the birds !"
Billy Guynn , Greensboro
The "birds and the bees" theme. Good, but just a wee bit obscure.

THE REST
"You keep buzzing around that new orchid down the street and you'll be pushing up daisies!"
"I have been trying all spring to pollinate and you stay late at the hive."
"Do I look like I'm in the mood?"
Rick Stanco, Jamestown
I liked the 2nd one because my wife and I had trouble conceiving and I know where the flower is coming from. The third one was a contender for runner-up.

"Oh no you don't!! I just had a facial!"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Hey, buzz off, Buster, this is not an "All You CARE To Eat" eatery!"
Allen Covington, Stoney Creek

"Wait a minute, Buster, under the terms of our contract, you only get one serving per person in a forty-eight hour work week"
J. Milton Covington, Stoney Creek

"Don't even think about it!"
Judy Melanson, Reidsville

"If you do that in my face one more time, we're through!"
Micah Massei, Greensboro

"Not tonight! I have a headache!"
Elizabeth Edmonds, Greensboro
An OK punchline, just too many entries with this theme.

"You have been visiting Rose again, haven't you?"
Sandra Wilson, Lexington

"Touch me and I cry 'RAPE!'"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"What makes you think I'm THAT kinda girl?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Who's Daisy?"
Ken Miller, Jamestown

"Not with my pollen, you don't !!!!"
Mike Parker, greensboro

"Don't you come buzzing over to me now! I saw what you were doing"
with that petunia!"
Des Laffan, Summerfield

"Oh no you don't, not without buying me dinner."
"Don't give me that wide-eyed innocent look, I saw you buzzing around those other Daisies!"
Doris Clapp, Julian

"Don't give me that wide-eyed innocent look, I saw you buzzing around Rose and Violet!"
Doris Clapp, Julian

"I SAID, NOT ON THE FIRST DATE!"
Paulette Swearengin

"Don't call me your 'honey'"
Hal Koger, McLeansville

"Don't Honey Me."
David Clark, Brown Summit

"Don't show up here with rotten elderberry on your breath!"
"I SAID I'm not in the mood for pollinating today!"
"You're misquoting Robert Herrick when you say 'Pollinate ye rosebuds while ye may.'"
"Buzz off, I'm not in the mood!"
"Keep your pollinating in your own neighborhood."
"Drunk on nectar huh? That's no excuse for FWI."
"You're not WORKING like a busy bee -- you're just a FLOWERIZER!"
"Grandma Daisy warned me about bees like you!"
"I know I called you "honey bee" -- but it didn't MEAN anything!"
"Buzz, buzz, buzz -- why can't you just TALK to me!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I liked the term "flowerizer." Perhaps if that was part of a shorter caption ...

"How dare you come in here smelling of Rose nectar!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1. "What do you mean you've been out cross pollinating?"
2. "Don't you 'Honey' me!"
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

"I'm really tired of you kissing up to me!"
"All you ever do is kiss and run."
"The buzz around here is that I'm not your only flower."
"Buzz off, you can't afford my nectar!"
Harold Shelton

"Not now, I have a petal ache!"
Phil Valla, Greensboro

"Don't EVEN think of feeling me up, buster!"
Suzanne Thompson, Reidsville
... "feeling me up" ... ?

"WHAT were you doing in the pedals of another flower?!?!"
Rachel Earnhardt, Greensboro

"Don't you look at me that way! I SAW you all over that other flower!"
Rachel Earnhardt, Greensboro

"I knew it, I just fixed my makeup"
Marlene Barlow

"Don't Daisy me! I've seen you with Rose, Petunia and Buttercup!"
Walt Moyer, Graham

"Have you been out pollinating again!"
"Dont honey me!"
"Take your work elsewhere!"
"For a worker bee you sure fall short of the mark!"
"I am sick of you petal -rs!"
"You have been at the hive with the boys again havent you?!"
"Lets face it Iam grounded and you are not."
"'Bee'" straight with me, who is Iris?!"
"I am not the pollen under your feet!"
"The queen sent you out to do what!?"
"Isnt once a day enough for you bees?"
"Wipe your feelers and feet off somewhere else!"
"The garderner works me over and now you show up!"
"I know you dont work at night!"
"There is more to life than buzzing from flower to flower!"
"Quit singing the 'Circle of Life!'"
Your such a pest...Buzz Off!!"
Your feet tickle, you take to much and what do I get?!"
Do not even tell me you left the stinger behind again!"
So am I just another flower to make sweet honey with?"
Can't you boys give it a rest!"
I am not your keeper!"
I really am beginning to look forward to the Fall!!"
Thanks for reading!"
The Iris warned me about you!"
Must you constantly hum and buzz about!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"It's the BIRDS and the bees, not the flowers and the bees!"
Larry Sigmon, Greensboro

"Hey, you'd be moody too if this was the only way you got fertilized!"
Melanie Carroll, Kernersville

"Did you tell your friends about us?!"
"Let's "bee" responsible here!"
"Do not tell me your on another 'quest.'"
"Tiny Tim tiptoed with the Tulips too!!"
"Dump some of that disgusting cargo before you land on this delicate bloom!"
"Your not the only bee in the hive!"
"Why do you always visit the Rose and the daffodil first!"
"The butterfly told me to "bee" wary of you!"
"You like my smell?!!"
"Do all you bees have flower issues?!"
"Your bugging me!"
"Your work requires what of you!??"
"Christine Keaton, Randleman

"The hive is not full so go back home!!"
"The line " You have the sweetest nectar!" is really getting old!"
"I think the gardener needs to spray a little most buzz off around here!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"What are you insinuating by the statement the birds and the bees the flower....."
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I told you who I see is none of your bee's wax!!"
"You have been hitting the honey comb again haven't you!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Yes, I danced with the wind, was kissed by the sun, and made the dew sparkle, but you have been bizzzy too!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"No, you cannot come in for a landing!"
"Quit making flowery speeches and stinging remarks!"
"The queen sure scraped the bottom of the hive if she chose you to be her king!"
"Of all the flowers in this field why do you insist on bothering me?"
"..and why would I believe you were working in the nursery all day! You have pollen on your wings!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I just want to know do bees have knees!?"
"Your eyes are like faceted windows and I want them focused on me!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Only you males drone on. Goes to show why the Queen rules!"
"Humans cultivate, share look for and love me! All they care about with you is your by products!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I TOLD you I'd slap that smile off your face if you came at me again!"
Mylinda C. Paschal, Greensboro

"You're not getting any more. Buzz off!"
"'Sweetee' and 'Honeybritches' aint gonna work any more!"
"I told you ONLY TEN TIMES A DAY!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"What part of I'M OUT don't you understand?"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Warning! You are in a no more nectar zone!!"
"You are nothing but a bumbler!"
Christine Keaton

"You will never bumble another facial on me again!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "My problems all stem from you!"
2. "I see I am not the only one who was given miracle grow!"
3. "My families roots are much deeper than yours!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Don't you 'Honey' me!"
David Ray, Greensboro

Buzz off, you nectar-sucking vampire!"
Harold Cotton, High Point

"Don't look at me that way! I saw you pollinating with Lilly yesterday."
Gretchen Bilhardt, Greensboro

"I like men in stripes you are drawn to different sweet scents. So where do we go from here?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I don't do that on the first date!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Buzz off. I have a headache!"
Linda Hancock, Greensboro

"Don't lie to me! I can SEE Pansy Pollen on your shoulder and you reek of roses!"
"Where have you been? Leaving the Hive like that....scientists' EVERYWHERE are looking for you!"
Ric Hase
I liked the current-events theme of the missing bees. A contender for runner-up, but I'm afraid it may be a bit too obscure to most readers.

"I'm not a bird you Moron!!!"
Kimberly Goff, Greensboro

"Just buzz on by, Don Juan!"
Heli Benson, Greensboro

1. "Of course I know about the birds and the bees...what is your version?!"
2. "No, it goes; float like a butterfly and sting like a bee!!"
3. "You think Iam potted? The Green Hornet is not your cousin!!!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Get busy somewhere else!"
"A little honey in return would be appreciated!"
"There will be no pollen unless you bee-have"
"Tell your queen -No more free pollen!"
" A spelling bee? I don't think so!"
"You are no killer bee!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. "Buzz off, Buster! I saw you with that floozy next door"
2. "Don't you "honey" me!"
3. "I dare you to stick that thing in me!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

1. "It's called PMS and I suggest you go learn all about it!"
2. "Buzz off bumblebutt. My boyfriend's planning to try pollination!"
3. "Exactly which bee said I needed deoderant?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
I kinda liked the PMS one.

"Don't you even think about touching MY face!"
Audrey Mangum, Greensboro

"Pollinating, that's all you think about!"
Clay Brewington, Kernersville

"Buzz off!!!"
Patricia Wisneski, Greensboro

"Back off, buddy!!! I've got a pistil!!"
"Don't make me shoot you with my pistil!!"
"Whaddya mean I look like a pansy??!!"
"Pollen? Pollen?!!! I don't need no stinkin' pollen!!"
Patricia Wisneski, Greensboro
I liked the pistil angle. This made the short list.
Also, anytime you can work in a quote from "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" is a good thing.

"YOUR FREE LUNCH IS OVER BUSTER!!!"
Cassandra Wardlow,Greensboro

"Sue Bee is a Honey!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Since when did you become a sewing bee?!"
"A skin and lip care bee called Burt.. Who's waxed out idea was that?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Pace yourself, Christine. Save some for next week.

1. "At last! Somebody I can open up to."
2. "Buzz off!"
Greg Deal, Greensboro

1. "Quick! Go tell Rose her new friend Ivy is poison."
2. "Don't come near me with that pollen, the last batch tasted like garlic."
3. "Don't come too close, I haven't had a shower in 3 weeks."
4. "Get rid of the chewing tobacco before you come an inch closer."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Pollen my petal, like I haven't heard that line before!"
Tricia Brassel, High Point

"Don't give my that 'honey' business. I know you've been with Lily of the Valley."
William W. Purkey, Greensboro

Don't 'Honey' me, you louse. I know you've been buzzing around that Lily of the Valley.
William W. Purkey, Greensboro

"So, I guess you buzzed over to Daisy's again!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"On our first date? I don't think so!!!"
"Oh, buzz off."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Mother was right about you. All you ever do is take, take, take. You never give!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

"Don't look so innocent. I saw you with that dandelion."
Bettie Rowe

"BUZZ OFF"
Joe Richey Greensboro

"I know your type: pollinate and evacuate."
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"How many times have I told you....'Don't come home a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind.'"
Judie Wood, greensboro

Hey buzz boy! Are you getting your nectar from someone else now??????
Charles L. White, Jamestown

"You are too late
for our date.
Now, you must wait
to pollinate!!!!"
Scott Goff

"Don't give me that pollination look, you old beezer."
David Jones, Greensboro

1. "Hold on there mister! We don't serve your type around here. Now, beat it, Killer!"
2. "Whoa big fellow! Tell your queen I want better service from now on. And don't try to pull that disappearing act again!"
3. "You look surprised. Didn't know a flower could talk, did you?"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"THIS GOING FROM FLOWER TO FLOWER TO FLOWER HAS GOTTA STOP !!!!!"
Mike Parker, Greensboro

"Don't Honey me! I saw You buzzing all over that Rose again."
Dave Derence

"You want to do what?!?! Who do you think I am, a blooming idiot?!"
Mary Elizabeth Claywell, Gibsonville

"Don't you 'Honey' me!"
"Don't you 'but Honey' me!"
David Ray, Greensboro

"Buzz off, shortie"
"Quit trying to pollinate me, fly to some other pretty bloomers!"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Don't come buzzing around me - I just saw you with that Pansy."
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"No more pollen till you make a sound committment."
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"Excuse me, I'm not your honey!"
"Hey, don't call me honey!!"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

1. "Is that your picture on the can of tuna?"
2. "Can you hum Flight of the Bumblebee?"
3. "If you hum Flight of the Bumblebee one more time I'm going to scream!"
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Where have you been? Supper was ready an hour ago."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
I liked the incongruity of this line.

1. "Excuse me but didn't I just see you over there with Daisy!"
2. "Look mister I'm not the only flower out here."
3. "Don't even think about it!"
4. "I thought I told you not to come around here again."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

SNAIL MAIL
"How dare you call me honey."
"Don't even think about it."
Peggy Brookshire, Randleman

"Yea, yea, that's what you all say. Until you get back to the hive."
Tom Padrick, Asheboro

"Where have YOU been?"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"Don't even think about it!"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"Only in your dreams!"
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"No nectar for you. We haven't been properly introduced."
"What's the latest buzz about pollen transfer?"
Max Harless, High Point

"I'm not your honey!"
"Go away! I don't know where your stinger's been!"
"I'm not falling for this anymore! You're not a secret agent and this is not a sting!"
"I'm not going to tolerate your cross-pollinating any longer!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Some of you stayed up late at knight dragon out all the medieval puns. For the rest, well, nothing can ruin your clever gag like a dozen other people entering similar blurbs. The "If the _ fits you must acquit" variations, Puff, the magic dragon and St. George and the dragon references all cancelled each other out. Another two captions I liked both involved a "jury of peers" theme, but they were too similar to pick one over the other.

WINNER
"I thought you said this was an impartial jury!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

THE RUNNERS-UP
"That could be him your honor! Could you ask him to scream, so I can be sure?"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"But your Honor, the restraining order specifically said no closer than 300 feet."
Gregory Black, Asheboro

"He's been combative from the start of our relationship. That's why I'm citing 'Irreconcilable Differences'."
Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"He started it!"
Kristie Miles, High Point

MY FAVORITE ENIGMATIC ENTRIES
I'll admit. I'm a sucker for punchlines that seemingly come out of nowhere.
Here were a few that qualified.

"See? I told you the knight was a ventriloquist!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"He called me Fat!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm not touching you!!"
Mitzi McClaren, Phoenix, AZ

"There's no way my dry cleaning shop lost his pants!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

THE REST

"We didn't mean to burn the castle down, but Tin Man here dared me to light one!"
Chuck Duncan, Greensboro

"Judge Arthur, it was Sir Rickard there, who was the mastermind of the slaying of the jesters!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Your Honor, St. George there just slays me!"
Bill Lawson

"He hired me to huff and puff and torch the Kingdom down!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"There he is -- the tin man with the brush on his head!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"He told me I could be hotter than Harry Potter!"
"This knight said I lit up the sky, but I am telling you I just blew off some steam!"
"He told me that it was safe to play dungeons and dragons in the Castle!"
"He snuffed out my fire!"
"That is him! The man in the iron mask!"
"He told me we could rewrite the fairy tales!"
"That is the man that made me and endangered species!!"
"I saw that knight coming out of steamy Queen's Chambers!"
"He sewed me into this costume so I welded him into his!!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"That's right your honor, I recognize him as the knight stalker!"
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville

"I don't care what the defendant says. Under that hard outer shell is a man with a heart as tender as a kitten."
Gary Scott, Goldston, N.C.

"Hey, I thought I was guaranteed a jury of my peers!"
Harold Cotton, High Point
I liked this one. But there was another that was too similar and they cancelled each other out.

"It wasn't a fair fight, he was wearing armor!"
Mary Ann Cotton, High Point

"That's not my attacker!! That's the Fuller Brush Man!"
No name or city given

"He is nuts!! The man actually thinks he is a real live knight!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"If the gauntlet fits, you mustn't acquit!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"He's not even a real knight! I mean, look at him...he's got a broom on his helmet!"
Karen Cotton, San Diego, CA.

"That's him! That's the knight that defaced my magical name "Puff" and convinced everyone that I was a Hooka-Smoking Drugee."
Kimberly Goff, Greensboro

"He stole my identity -- does he look like a "Puff T.M. Dragon?"
"The CDs I sold him were fine -- he has a tin ear."
"His a/k/a is "Rusty!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Identify him?, They all look the same!"
"Yes, I can blow smoke up someones butt, but not for the likes of him!"
"It's so easy a Dragon can do it!?! GEICO has even recruited the Knights!"
"He broke in my cave door! Isn't that a felony?"
"Ten paces and a gentle mans fight?!? You can't even see his eyes!"
"I was to be slayed, instead I was spayed. Where was he trained?"
"King Arthur was misled. this is the "Knight of White Satin."
Kimberly Goff, Greensboro

"I told him I was an endangered species, but he just kept jabbing"
"That's him, your Honor; I'd recognize that Fuller Brush anywhere."
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"Yea, it was Banana Nose and the Bright Knight who paid me to torch the castle."
"After I was fired, I found they have replaced me with a blow torch."
"They canned me stating I now longer had any spark or fire."
"He called me a freak of nature, so I toasted him inside that armour suit"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Doesn't his face look guilty to you!"
christine keaton, Randleman

"That's him -- that's the one they call 'Rusty.'"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. "How can you all believe a man who wears a broom on his head?!"
2. "The defendant's attorney looks guilter than him!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "HE told me this was going to be a knights court!"
2. "Look at him! He has taken this team mascot fight thing to far!"
Christine keaton, Randleman

"Your Honor, even the suit's label says it's not flame retardant...I TOLD him not to get so close!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"George ain't no saint! All I did was sweep out my lair with his
helmet plume an' he gets all snitty about it an' tries to whack me!
Margaret Thatcher, High Point

"I knew St. George and he's no St. George"
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

Just look at him!! Do you think he could face the truth?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "I admit I was steamed up but HE tried to lance me!
2. "HE is not the Knight in shining armor!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Look at those shifty eyes! The lawyer looks as guilty as him!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"He's lying I tell you. He is not Sir Lancelot. He is Marvin the Martian!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"And so just as she asked me for a light, THIS clown shows up with a sword."
Scott Romine, Greensboro

"THIS?!.....is a jury of my peers?!!"
Susan Gregory, Randleman
The other "jury of peers" caption cancelled out by the earlier one.

"If the armor fits, you must acquit"
"Tell him to stop laughing at me!!"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"That silver sport utility vehicle right there was at fault, your honor. He rear-ended me, causing me to crash and accidentally burn down the castle!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"You'd be breathing fire too, if someone was poking you with a lance."
Larry Lemons, Asheboro

"Yea thats him,slayer whatever,all i know is he put my family out of buisness."
No name or city given

"I never saw him before.I just stepped out of my cave and he started chasing me with lance."
Dave Derence

1. "His armor may be shining but he aint no prince!!"
2. "He told me he was holding his own Knight court!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I hate to admit this, but my slaying has been greatly exaggerated"
"I only attacked him in self defense"
Bob Fuller,Greensboro

"That Shiny Man keeps harrassing me!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Why? I'll tell you why. Too much Chain Mail."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Your Honor, that man is a true Knight in Shining Armor...he wouldn't hurt a fly!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes, we were lovers...but then he started sending me Chain Mail..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He broke my heart. He wouldn't let me in!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Once a Knight.... I Don't THINK so!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who do you think helped him Keep that Armor Shining?? All I'm asking is for half of what we spent in Armor All."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Name dropper?? I only mentioned Puff. He's the one always talking about Charlemange this, Richard the Lionhearted that."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He's not pleading the 5th, he fell in the moat and got lockjaw."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"But Puff IS magic!! Your Honor, I Object!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He is NOT Sir John.....he is Jackie Paper and he left me one grey night, on the shores of Honah Lee. Check under his Helmet."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"No, the song really IS about my cousin Puff!! I don't know who Mary Jane is!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

“And then he yelled at Barney, so I scorched him.”
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"He said I had Bad Breath! ...sure, I like hot food...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"ARSON!!! Why does everyone always point fingers at ME???"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
This one had potential, but needed more work. Perhaps a "profiling" reference?

"Your Honor, he was using a Lance without a license."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He told King Arthur that I was in a no-fly zone! There's plenty of flys there!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Your Honor, he was using a Lance without a license."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I did NOT singe their precious Round Table."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"He asked Me out First!!"
"When we first went out together, I told him that I was afraid he would get burned!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Despite his appearances, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, he is no white knight." Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"If the armor does not fit, you must acquit!!"
Rosy Jenkins, Greensboro

"It is alienation of affection -- he told my wife he wanted to be her knight in shining armor."
"I hold the patent on his outfit -- I designed that "Fuller Brush Man Uniform No. 3."
"Will he have to take off the helmet when he testifies under oath?"
"His name is Knight; my name is Griffin."
"He can't call himself a knight in shining armor -- he never polishes it."
"He slandered me -- I am not a figment of someone's imagination."
"Medical malpractice? I told him to oil his joints but he never did."
"So much for his Code of Honor -- dragging a poor old dragon into court!"
"He lied when he told me this was going to be a kangaroo court."
"He's just jealous because I always have a ready source of fire to cook my food."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

How can it be age discrimination? He's old, but I'm even older.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"He asked me to clear the underbrush. It's not my fault it caught the castle on fire!"
No name or address given

"I was just chatting with this blonde and he suddenly goes for me with a sword"
Keith Peddie

"I thought you said I'd get a jury of my peers, not my spears!"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"Well if HE won't see the truth, then I won't reconcile!"
Kathy Eaton, Greensboro

"I should be able to smoke at home!!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro
I like the anti-smoking theme here, but it doesn't quit fit the illustration (pointing at the knight.) A little rework and this would have been a contender.

"If I want to light up a Newport at home, it's none of his business!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Yes, that's the shiny man who poked me with the long stick!"
No name or city given

"He is the one your honor that tried to cut off my tail. I recognize that smile."
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"If the suit doesn't fit you must acquit"
Kathryn Byrd, Kernersville

"Say, guys, you may not believe me, but this guy gives me the creeps"
Allen Covington, Stoney Creek

"I am not a flight risk, like that Lawyer says."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"What do I do to get HIM to open up?"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"And he says I'M hard headed!"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"He's been wearing Sir Lancelot's helmet, now that's identity theft where I come from."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"This case could drag on all knight."
Randall Jobe, Greensboro

"And exactly how did you positively ID him on the lineup?"
"That's the look he always gets when he's lying!"
"I'm no arsonist! He asked me to weld his hip joint!"
"Yes, I breath fire sometimes, but can't I just take anger-management classes?"
"I can't stand how he sits there acting so emotionless!"
"Don't get me worked up. This courtroom has no overhead sprinklers!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"All I said was 'you slay me' and he took it literally."
Joe Carrollo, Summerfield

"My name is Puff and I was frolicking in the Autumn mist when this knight assaulted me for no reason."
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Sir Knight attacked me only because he wants a place at the round table."
"Sir Knight falsely accused me of devouring fair maiden. A lie! He just want's her for himself!"
Max Harless, High Point

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I have received some feed back that indicated I did not recieve some entries, although everything seemed fine on the sender's end. If you sent an entry in, but do not see it listed below, please post a message to this blog indicating so, and I'll see if I can chase down the problem.

In space, no one can hear you giggle. Which is too bad because your entries this week were out of this world! Seriously, a lot of clever gags. Many deserving entries got "Pluto'd" during the astronomical task of narrowing them down to five. Despite my choice for winner, I decided not to use other Uranus and gas related jokes --- funny though they were --- to try to keep this as G-rated as possible. But don't worry, they have their own special place on this blog.

WINNER
"It's not fair, you get a car named after you and I get an orifice."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"We need to ask for directions, we are just going in circles."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Of course I'm still attracted to you, Gladys, but I need more space."
Scott Romine, Greensboro

"Hey, how much did that ring set you back?"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"I hope one day to become a star."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"How long have you been engaged?"
Carolyn Mitchell, Greensboro

PG-13 JOKES
A lot of these could have been contenders had I not decided to limit them to one (the winner)

"Aww Mom, Do I have to play with him? Do you know how bad Uranus smells?"
Tim James, Ruffin

"Mom, I'm tired of living next to Uranus."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Honest, Mom. It was Freddy that mooned them, not me!"
Charlene McClure, Greensboro

"Dad, is that bad smell coming from Jupiter or Uranus?"
"Dad, do I have to orbit so close to Uranus?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Why do you pass so many gases?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Now that I have asteroids, it hurts to 'go' into orbit."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"If you think you have a bad gas problem, you should talk to Jupiter!"
Alex Procton, Greensboro

I can give you something for that gas.
Wally Fox, Greensboro.

"You need to see your asstrologist immediately."
Percy Walker

"What do they mean by rings of your an us?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I saw the comet streaking, so I mooned him."
Scott Romine, Greensboro

SPECIAL "THEY REALLY DID THEIR HOMEWORK" CATEGORY
"I don't care what you say, Pluto's one of us!"
Micah Massei, Greensboro

"Did you hear what they did to Pluto?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Hi, I'm Pluto. Need a moon??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Daddy, will they kick me out of the Solar System 'cause I'm small? Pluto said they would."
"Daddy, Pluto said they're gonna kick me out of the Solar System because I'm small!!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"No Titan, you are not a Dwarf Planet. You're a moon. Don't listen to Pluto."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"You can get it with the rings, a moonroof, an escape velocity of zero to sixty and it comes with it's own natural satellites. And you can drive it home today. So, you ready to sign??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes, son, I Know that you are larger than Pluto, but you can't just swing out into ninth position!!"
"Yes, son, I Know that you are larger than Pluto, but you can't just swing out into ninth position!! But I admit that 'The Planet Titan' sounds good!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
(Titan, a moon of Saturn, Is larger than Pluto, FYI)

"Mom, Ganymede is going to swing by this afternoon and we're gonna hang out, OK?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
(Ganymede is a moon of Jupiter, FYI)

"Dad, how do you know you're not going to be downsized like Pluto??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

THE REST

1. "I used to have ring around the collar too. I took a meteor shower and it washed right out"
2. "Wow! What kind of acne medicine are you using?"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Mom, why doesn't Dad wear a wedding ring, too?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"So, this means you're engaged now?
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"What a blunder--The engineers forgot to build on and off ramps for your by-pass!"
Glenda Layton, Carthage
I liked the originality of this one. A contender.

"Don't worry, in a few billion years you won't be able to notice it."
"You can get a shot for that."
"That's the greatest mustache I have ever seen."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
I liked the mustache one. Once again, very original.

"WE'VE BEEN GOING AROUND TOGETHER FOR SO LONG THAT PEOPLE ARE BEGINNING TO TALK......"
WIL COURTER, Greensboro

"I HATE TO OFFEND, BUY YOU REALLY DO HAVE RING AROUND THE COLLAR."
WIL COURTER, Greensboro

1. "If shooting stars are so lucky why do they die?"
2. "Why do young stars burn out?"
3. "I know about the sun, moon, and stars....but who is Clover?"
4. "Why do stars shoot about the universe?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Are you my Mother?"
Linda Deese, Greensboro

"I thought you said we couldn't afford a ring yet!"
Chris Myott, Eden
I liked this one, but there were too many "ring" variations.

#1 "What can I wear to keep the sun out of my eyes?"
#2 "If I can't have a ring, how about a pair of sun glasses?"
George Subasavage, Greensboro

"so, how long are you going to be under house arrest?"
Lynne Edel, Greensboro

"So you're telling me that you'd rather have these nasty craters?"
Alex Procton, Greensboro

"No, I don't think it makes you look fat."
Don Hodge, Sandy Ridge
Nice, but there are too many others with this variation

1) "Can you come out and play?"
2) "You and your fancy rings!"
3) "Hey! What's going on in your world?"
4) "How do I get through to you?"
5) "You make my head spin!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"So Paris, how long are you on house arrest?"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

Well it does look better than the square one.
Bill Brown, Whitsett

I thought those went out of style last eon!
W.F. Brown, Stoney Creek
Cute

"No, really, those rings don't make you look fat."
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville
Nice, but there are too many others with this variation

"Does this make me look fat?"
Scott Weaver, Greensboro
See what I mean?

"Wow, Saturn, where did you get the nifty Hula Hoop?"
"Did you know that you were named after an automobile?"
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"Wow - congratulations! How did he pop the question?"
David Hammer, Greensboro
Another good entry in a category that had too many.

"Why do I always has to come in before dark?"
"I am tire of following you around."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Wow, what big rings you have!"
Cindi Holton

"One day, I'll have a ring bigger than that."
Margie Ellngton, Reidsville

1. "Ring around the planet!"
2. "I like your spin cycle.
3. "Peek-a-boo."
George Cornett, Greensboro

1. "Mommie, why is the sky black?"
2. "Hey babe, you wanna go trip the light fantastic with me?"
3. "When are we going to move to another galaxy far far away?"
4. "I think I just saw the Starship Enterprise!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
I kinda liked the variation on the "why is the sky blue" question

1) "But Mom, you have rings, so why can't I?"
2) "Come on sweetheart, you aren't going to let a little comet come between us?"
3) "You just have to show off with all your colorful rings, don't you?"
4) "Why is it that they only run rings around you?"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"Are you the Man in the Moon?"
"What happened to the top of your hat?"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro
I liked the "top of the hat one." Very original.

Madge, I see you've put on a little weight around the middle.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"Frankly, I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."
Scott Romine, Greensboro
Clever

"Wish you could speak. I need directions to the Milky Way."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Mom, when can I get my rings?"
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Ohhh! So close! I think better wording would have been "... when WILL I get my rings" It would make it sound more like a mother-daughter talk about development.

"Hey, I told you I would stop, so why did you take my ring away?"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

1. Mister, could I have my Hula-Hoop back now?
2. You've got ring around the collar.
3. I've seen ring around the collar, but this is ridiculous.
4. That is some engagement ring!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Whaddya mean that only males get rings, Daddy??"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

I haven't seen a circle like that since the Indians circled Custer
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. So that's what happens when you turn 3 billion!
3. I refuse to call you Lord.
Wally Fox, Greensboro.

"Cool visor, Dude."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Clever.

1. "See ya next go 'round."
2. "Well, I'm outta this space."
3. "Don't worry. Be happy."
4. "After all this time, I'm leaving."
5. "I am nameless. What's yours?"
Michael Harris, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"What? Life doesn't revolve around me?"
"Doughnuts go straight to your middle!"
"You can't hide your age, Mom. Teachers say you just have to count the rings!"
"I hope you don't have a heart attack. You're carrying a little extra around the middle!"
"What do you mean I gravitate toward the wrong friends?"
"You're so sensitive about your age and weight!"
"All my friends live in the cool galaxy!"
"I can't stay attached to your apron strings forever!"
" I know ... you've been around the block a few more times than me, right?"
"Life doesn't revolve around me, but some things do!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
I really liked the doughnuts one.

"Very impressive! Handling so many hula hoops!"
"You sure make a big deal about your equator."
Max Harless, High Point

"Are we there, yet?"
Norman Welker, Greensboro