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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I know why Gary Larson had an inordinate affection for cows. They are just inherently funny. I mean, there's practically nothing you can write that won't be funnier coming from a cow. You must have noticed that since this week's entries were up in quantity and quality. There were a lot of "Chick-Fil-A," "Got milk," mad-cow and vegetarian gags, and some ... well ... check them out yourself. But, here are my choices. Read them quickly before I change my mind again.

WINNER
"So who should we eat first?"
Tushar Zaver, Greensboro
The consensus favorite around here, but it was a tough decision. Many contenders.
I think it was the vacuous, clueless expression on the cow's face combined with the caption that made this one work. In fact, that's good advice for anyone entering the contest: Pay attention to who's talking and their expression.

RUNNERS UP
"I still can't believe you let me steer the boat!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
This one made me smile. In fact, Joel probably gets the award this week for most consistantly good entries.

"Did you guys happen to hit that buffet before we sank? The steaks were fantastic"
Rick Stanco, Jamestown
A favorite of mine, but it didn't score as well with others around here.

"Did you guys see this emergency kit. Nothing but charcoal and a grill. Isn't that stupid?"
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"You're right, this does remind me of a Farside cartoon."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Relax, I'm a mirage."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Whoa guys, don't you recognize me? I know we've been out here a while, but I'm just your old buddy, Bill."
Melanie Carroll, Kernersville
See posted comment. No argument here.

"So are you boys vegetarians?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
A lot of vegetarian gags. There were several others that probably said about the same thing, but this one stuck out at me at the time. Once again, this worked better with the cow's facial expression to me.

THE REST
"Don't even think about it ... I've got Mad Cow Disease"
"Say, are you guys vegetarians?"
Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"I'll bet you're nutritious and delicious, taste just like chicken!"
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville

"Normally, I'm a vegetarian, BUT...eeny, meeny, meiny, moe!"
Debbie Karibian, Greensboro

"Well, guys who wants a drink first?"
Jan Hitch, High Point

"Eat more chicken!"
Joshua Crooks, Greensboro

1) "So where's that chicken I told you about?"
2) "Which story do you want to hear--the moon jump or the China Shoppe?"
3) "Then I met this cute little heifer.."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"I guess we all know who's in charge here!"
Bob Kollar, Greensboro

"That's a bum steer about cows and methane."
"Hey, even city slickers know cows produce methane."
"Al Gore has warned you about cows emitting methane."
"So, are you drawing straws to see who milks me?"
"No milk here, you city slickers, 'cause I'm a steer."
Boring Boat Cows: "Then Bessie mooed at Daisy, Daisy mooed at Elsie, Elsie mooed at . . . ."
"I always say "Cowabunga" when I'm tense!"
"Stop talking about the high cost of beef!"
"Let's snag some seaweed -- I need to chew my cud."
"Don't worry fellows -- I'm a vegetarian."
"I may be worried, but I'm not a mad cow!"
"I promise not to puncture the raft with my horns."
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I liked the goofiness of the "Boring boat cows."

"Hope these guys are vegetarians...."
Scott Martz, Greensboro

1. "I know what you're thinking and you're going to need more guys."
2. "First one to so much as touch me, gets the horns."
3. "Eat Mor Fish!"
4. "For the last time.... I'm a steer. I don't do the "milk thing"!
5. "If I hear any of you mention "tartar" again, you're getting the
horns!"
6. "Now that I've foiled your plans to bring Kobe beef to America, let's talk about how you're going to get me some sea weed."
Des Laffan, Summerfield

"One more word about eating me and I stick my horn through this raft!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Hot enough for you?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
I like the non-sequitor. Works well with the cow's expression.

"I know you guys are thirsty, but for the last time I'm a bull!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
The last entry on the short-list to be cut. It was that close to a runner-up.

"Thank god! I am so glad that all three of you are Hindus."
Tushar Zaver, Greensboro

"Triplets, huh? Well, I've Heifer mind to tell you that you're Udderly handsome traveling companions!"
No name or city given

"LOOK INTO MY EYES YOUR ALL VEGANS."
Willaim Ball, High Point

"Honest guys, the grill slipped right out of my huffs."
Todd Needles, High Point

"Say, fellas, have you heard the latest news about mad cow?"
Nancy Stevens, Jamestown
Better phrasing could have made this one a contender.

"Yeah, so eventually I made it really big in marketing. I'm sure you've seen my stuff--"Eat Chikin."
Marcia Woodward, Greensboro

"So which one of you cats is the Rabbi?"
Amy Bryant, Greensboro
This went in a different direction, which I like, but strayed too far from the visual.

1. "Are any of you die hard members of PETA??"
2. "Isn't this situation "udderly" disgusting?"
3. " Where is the fresh food you boys say you brought along?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Number three was a runner-up contender

"Did you just say 'Got Milk?'"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"All I have to say is 'Eat more Chick'n' and remember Michael Bick!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"My tail can swish flies away -- don't know about vultures though!"
"Can't believe this started out as a cattle drive at the Rio Grande."
"Well I graduated from the Happy Heifer Kindergarten at NC State."
"Don't mean to brag, but I was born at the Cow Palace in Raleigh."
"If we had a bigger boat I'd show you what a hoofer I am!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Got Milk?"
"Have you heard the one about the hungry cow lost at sea?"
Claudia Anne Burdick, Greensboro

"Hungry? I got chicken!"
Randy Payne, Greensboro

"As I was saying Tom, Dick and Harry my name is E. Coli, now who's gona paddle?"
Randy Payne, Greensboro

"Betcha two raft-punchin' horns y'all do whatever this ole bull tells ya."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Boy, could I go for a nice, thick steak right now!"
Scott Romine, Greensboro
Another one that made the short list. I liked it, but it didn't score as high with others.

"Got milk?"
Brent York, Greensboro

"So come here often?"
Jay Brown, High Point
I like the non-sequitor aspect of this one.

"I think this would situation would make and interesting reality TV show
don't you?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"OKAY, if you must know- Noah dumped me because he thought I was getting too friendly with the old heifer on board. So! What's your story?"
Linda Ford, Gibsonville

"That statement really does not MOOOOOve me!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"The way I see it you're breakfast, lunch and dinner."
Margot Robinson, Greensboro

"Sorry fellas, you just can't milk a bull!"
George Cornett, Greensboro.

So, how long have you guys been sailors?"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

1. "Want to share some cud?"
2. "I think Geico will have some openings when we are rescued!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "Jake? Haven't seen him recently. He must have slipped overboard during my watch."
2. "I guess it is my turn. So my secret is... I have mad cow disease!"
3. "The provisions? I have put them in a safe place."
4. "You guys are beginning to look like cows!"
5. "Yep, that trip over the moon was something special."
6. "Who is up for a bull fight?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

".....and then I was a billboard model for the "Eat 'mo chicken" campaign."
Pat Barton, Eden

"you're eyes are getting heavy....repeat after me.......eat more chickin"
JOwens

"I don't know about you fellas, but I sure could go for a cold glass of milk".
Jerry Owens, Summerfield

"Thats right boys I am 100 percent Angus Beef!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"So you see, there's so many advantages to being a vegetarian..."
Matt Sadler, Phoenix

"OK, I told you to eat more chicken, now who's first?"
Lu Anne Clark, Climax

1. "One false move, guys, and I'll lay the horn to this sucker!"
2. "OK guys, here are the rules. No got milk jokes. I hate those. When we get to an island, fire is strictly taboo. Grass, hay, and straw; learn to love 'em!"
3. "Guess who left the barn door open?"
4. "I'd rather be stranded with Emeril. He's a pork fat kinda guy."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"I don't suppose any of you gentlemen are Hindu?"
David Theall, Greensboro

1. "Udderly cool raft, dudes."
2. "Can we drift over to some pasture? I'm hungry."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

1. "Okay, okay. How about this one. Two cows and a bull walk into a bar and ..."
2. "What'll it be today boys? Milk, milk ... or milk"
Greg Deal, Greensboro

"You think you're hot, I'm wearing leather!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
This made the short list of contenders.

"I think it's time for another lecture on the advantages of the vegan lifestyle."
joe j richey

"OK, SO YOUR THE THREE MEN FROM THE TUB. I KNOW I'M FERDINAND. NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS INK SNIFFING CARTOONIST EXPECTS US TO DO."
joe richey, greensboro

"Eat more sushi"
"Start paddling fellas, the 'float thru' window at Chick-Fil-A closes in an hour."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Ok now let's sing 'Row, row, row your boat...' "
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Let's all get acquainted...Where you'all from?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Let's play charades!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"...then there was the time that I jumped over the moon..."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"And then he drew a picture of me wearing nothing but a blue diamond...."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sure! I Got Milk!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You must be the dudes in distress!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Hee-hee. A reference to an earlier winner.

"You really should eat more chicken. No, Really.......!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sure, I knew Mister Ed; ...you know he had script writers."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Don't believe all those Mad Cow stories!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mad Cow? No, I've been through Anger Management."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"So, you men from around here?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...just don't let me fall asleep and poke a hole in this thing!"
"...just don't let me fall asleep and poke a hole in this thing! Know any boat songs?"
"Can I lay my head in your laps to nap so I won't poke a hole in this thing??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Say...you're not wearing leather, are you???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You don't happen to have any sunscreen do you? I don't like to tan my hide."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"When Ole MacDonald started talking about taking us from his farm to his restaurant, I split!"
"Well, I was livin' on Ole MacDonald's farm when he started mentioning Big Mac....so I headed out to sea!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sorry guys, must have been that last burritto."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
I liked it. But ...

"If you guys will just vow to Eat More Chicken, I'll gladly take us to shore!"
Linda Workman, Greensboro

"IF YOU DON'T LIKE 'HEY DITTLE DITTLE, THE CAT AND THE FIDDLE', I'M SURE YOU WILL LIKE, "RUB A DUB DUB, THREE MEN IN A TUB."
M. Cockerham

"Humm, my first stomach is starting to get a little hungry. How bout you guys?"
David Downing, Greensboro

"Since we're all traveling together I suggest we reveal our Mad Cow and Tuberculosis status."
"My results came back negative for Mad Cow Disease, may I assume none of you have tuberculosis."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Hey guys, look out for a crazy shark wearing an 'I ATE STUPID' t-shirt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Hee - hee. Another reference to an earlier winner. Nice.

1. "Why are you staring? Haven't you ever seen a cow before?"
2. "A 1, a 2, a 3, and on his farm he had a cow, with a moo, moo here..."
3. "Eat more chicken"
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
The first one made my short list of contenders.

"So you guys are vegetarians, right?"
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"Knock-knock"
"Want to play Go Fish?"
"Anybody catch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel?"
Wally Fox, Greensboro
I liked the post-modernist feel of these captions.

"So I told Fidel, I could be USDA Choice in America"
Nancy Fox, Greensboro
I liked the Cuba angle here. Very original.

"Do you fellas know how to get to Chick-Fil-A?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

"I told you to eat more chikn, now you gotta pay the piper!"
"Yeah, that's righ, there ain't no beautiful blonde in this story just a big hairy cow. Now who's first?"
Mark, Greensboro
The second one made me smile ... but not quite right for a family paper.

"I sure hope you guys like Milk."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

Menu: "Chicken or beef?"
Susanne Coatta, Greensboro

"So you Guys ate more chicken?"
Glenda Siegner, Eden

"This reminds me of Hitchcock's movie, 'Lifeboat.'"
"Don't expect milk from me. I'm a bull."
Max Harless, High Point

"I've got milk - who's got cookies?"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"How about fish instead?"
"MMM, hello boys!"
Roslyn L. Lowery, Asheboro

"Hey don't look at me, I'm on vacation."
"I'm sure glad you guys are lactose-intollerant."
"Look, I'm out at sea. I guess that makes me un-pasture-ized."
"C'mon, let's sing camp songs ... "And on the raft there was a cow, E-I-E-I-O."
"Has anyone ever told you guys you need to eat more chicken?"
"Milk, milk, everywhere and not a drop to drink."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Beef jerky? Is that a new rock group?"
Tom Padrick, Asheboro

"Anyone bring the cookies? I got the milk."
Kathy Owens, Thomasville

"What's for dinner? Chicken I hope."
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"Well, I don't do milk but I'm great at methane."
"I guess this will teach us to take Noah more seriously."
"OK, boys. Forget ice cream, think milk shake. Let's start the bidding."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro
I liked the bidding angle here. But the wording isn't quit right.

"You three row ... I steer ... that should be obvious!"
Roy Frazier, Danville, VA
A late entry that missed the deadline. But here it is, nevertheless.