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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Some of you stayed up late at knight dragon out all the medieval puns. For the rest, well, nothing can ruin your clever gag like a dozen other people entering similar blurbs. The "If the _ fits you must acquit" variations, Puff, the magic dragon and St. George and the dragon references all cancelled each other out. Another two captions I liked both involved a "jury of peers" theme, but they were too similar to pick one over the other.

WINNER
"I thought you said this was an impartial jury!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

THE RUNNERS-UP
"That could be him your honor! Could you ask him to scream, so I can be sure?"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"But your Honor, the restraining order specifically said no closer than 300 feet."
Gregory Black, Asheboro

"He's been combative from the start of our relationship. That's why I'm citing 'Irreconcilable Differences'."
Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"He started it!"
Kristie Miles, High Point

MY FAVORITE ENIGMATIC ENTRIES
I'll admit. I'm a sucker for punchlines that seemingly come out of nowhere.
Here were a few that qualified.

"See? I told you the knight was a ventriloquist!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"He called me Fat!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm not touching you!!"
Mitzi McClaren, Phoenix, AZ

"There's no way my dry cleaning shop lost his pants!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

THE REST

"We didn't mean to burn the castle down, but Tin Man here dared me to light one!"
Chuck Duncan, Greensboro

"Judge Arthur, it was Sir Rickard there, who was the mastermind of the slaying of the jesters!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Your Honor, St. George there just slays me!"
Bill Lawson

"He hired me to huff and puff and torch the Kingdom down!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"There he is -- the tin man with the brush on his head!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"He told me I could be hotter than Harry Potter!"
"This knight said I lit up the sky, but I am telling you I just blew off some steam!"
"He told me that it was safe to play dungeons and dragons in the Castle!"
"He snuffed out my fire!"
"That is him! The man in the iron mask!"
"He told me we could rewrite the fairy tales!"
"That is the man that made me and endangered species!!"
"I saw that knight coming out of steamy Queen's Chambers!"
"He sewed me into this costume so I welded him into his!!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"That's right your honor, I recognize him as the knight stalker!"
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville

"I don't care what the defendant says. Under that hard outer shell is a man with a heart as tender as a kitten."
Gary Scott, Goldston, N.C.

"Hey, I thought I was guaranteed a jury of my peers!"
Harold Cotton, High Point
I liked this one. But there was another that was too similar and they cancelled each other out.

"It wasn't a fair fight, he was wearing armor!"
Mary Ann Cotton, High Point

"That's not my attacker!! That's the Fuller Brush Man!"
No name or city given

"He is nuts!! The man actually thinks he is a real live knight!!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"If the gauntlet fits, you mustn't acquit!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"He's not even a real knight! I mean, look at him...he's got a broom on his helmet!"
Karen Cotton, San Diego, CA.

"That's him! That's the knight that defaced my magical name "Puff" and convinced everyone that I was a Hooka-Smoking Drugee."
Kimberly Goff, Greensboro

"He stole my identity -- does he look like a "Puff T.M. Dragon?"
"The CDs I sold him were fine -- he has a tin ear."
"His a/k/a is "Rusty!"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Identify him?, They all look the same!"
"Yes, I can blow smoke up someones butt, but not for the likes of him!"
"It's so easy a Dragon can do it!?! GEICO has even recruited the Knights!"
"He broke in my cave door! Isn't that a felony?"
"Ten paces and a gentle mans fight?!? You can't even see his eyes!"
"I was to be slayed, instead I was spayed. Where was he trained?"
"King Arthur was misled. this is the "Knight of White Satin."
Kimberly Goff, Greensboro

"I told him I was an endangered species, but he just kept jabbing"
"That's him, your Honor; I'd recognize that Fuller Brush anywhere."
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

"Yea, it was Banana Nose and the Bright Knight who paid me to torch the castle."
"After I was fired, I found they have replaced me with a blow torch."
"They canned me stating I now longer had any spark or fire."
"He called me a freak of nature, so I toasted him inside that armour suit"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Doesn't his face look guilty to you!"
christine keaton, Randleman

"That's him -- that's the one they call 'Rusty.'"
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. "How can you all believe a man who wears a broom on his head?!"
2. "The defendant's attorney looks guilter than him!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "HE told me this was going to be a knights court!"
2. "Look at him! He has taken this team mascot fight thing to far!"
Christine keaton, Randleman

"Your Honor, even the suit's label says it's not flame retardant...I TOLD him not to get so close!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"George ain't no saint! All I did was sweep out my lair with his
helmet plume an' he gets all snitty about it an' tries to whack me!
Margaret Thatcher, High Point

"I knew St. George and he's no St. George"
William Watson Purkey, Greensboro

Just look at him!! Do you think he could face the truth?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "I admit I was steamed up but HE tried to lance me!
2. "HE is not the Knight in shining armor!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Look at those shifty eyes! The lawyer looks as guilty as him!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"He's lying I tell you. He is not Sir Lancelot. He is Marvin the Martian!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"And so just as she asked me for a light, THIS clown shows up with a sword."
Scott Romine, Greensboro

"THIS?!.....is a jury of my peers?!!"
Susan Gregory, Randleman
The other "jury of peers" caption cancelled out by the earlier one.

"If the armor fits, you must acquit"
"Tell him to stop laughing at me!!"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"That silver sport utility vehicle right there was at fault, your honor. He rear-ended me, causing me to crash and accidentally burn down the castle!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"You'd be breathing fire too, if someone was poking you with a lance."
Larry Lemons, Asheboro

"Yea thats him,slayer whatever,all i know is he put my family out of buisness."
No name or city given

"I never saw him before.I just stepped out of my cave and he started chasing me with lance."
Dave Derence

1. "His armor may be shining but he aint no prince!!"
2. "He told me he was holding his own Knight court!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I hate to admit this, but my slaying has been greatly exaggerated"
"I only attacked him in self defense"
Bob Fuller,Greensboro

"That Shiny Man keeps harrassing me!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Why? I'll tell you why. Too much Chain Mail."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Your Honor, that man is a true Knight in Shining Armor...he wouldn't hurt a fly!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes, we were lovers...but then he started sending me Chain Mail..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He broke my heart. He wouldn't let me in!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Once a Knight.... I Don't THINK so!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who do you think helped him Keep that Armor Shining?? All I'm asking is for half of what we spent in Armor All."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Name dropper?? I only mentioned Puff. He's the one always talking about Charlemange this, Richard the Lionhearted that."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He's not pleading the 5th, he fell in the moat and got lockjaw."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"But Puff IS magic!! Your Honor, I Object!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He is NOT Sir John.....he is Jackie Paper and he left me one grey night, on the shores of Honah Lee. Check under his Helmet."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"No, the song really IS about my cousin Puff!! I don't know who Mary Jane is!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

“And then he yelled at Barney, so I scorched him.”
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"He said I had Bad Breath! ...sure, I like hot food...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"ARSON!!! Why does everyone always point fingers at ME???"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
This one had potential, but needed more work. Perhaps a "profiling" reference?

"Your Honor, he was using a Lance without a license."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He told King Arthur that I was in a no-fly zone! There's plenty of flys there!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Your Honor, he was using a Lance without a license."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I did NOT singe their precious Round Table."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"He asked Me out First!!"
"When we first went out together, I told him that I was afraid he would get burned!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Despite his appearances, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, he is no white knight." Rick Stanco, Jamestown

"If the armor does not fit, you must acquit!!"
Rosy Jenkins, Greensboro

"It is alienation of affection -- he told my wife he wanted to be her knight in shining armor."
"I hold the patent on his outfit -- I designed that "Fuller Brush Man Uniform No. 3."
"Will he have to take off the helmet when he testifies under oath?"
"His name is Knight; my name is Griffin."
"He can't call himself a knight in shining armor -- he never polishes it."
"He slandered me -- I am not a figment of someone's imagination."
"Medical malpractice? I told him to oil his joints but he never did."
"So much for his Code of Honor -- dragging a poor old dragon into court!"
"He lied when he told me this was going to be a kangaroo court."
"He's just jealous because I always have a ready source of fire to cook my food."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

How can it be age discrimination? He's old, but I'm even older.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"He asked me to clear the underbrush. It's not my fault it caught the castle on fire!"
No name or address given

"I was just chatting with this blonde and he suddenly goes for me with a sword"
Keith Peddie

"I thought you said I'd get a jury of my peers, not my spears!"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"Well if HE won't see the truth, then I won't reconcile!"
Kathy Eaton, Greensboro

"I should be able to smoke at home!!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro
I like the anti-smoking theme here, but it doesn't quit fit the illustration (pointing at the knight.) A little rework and this would have been a contender.

"If I want to light up a Newport at home, it's none of his business!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Yes, that's the shiny man who poked me with the long stick!"
No name or city given

"He is the one your honor that tried to cut off my tail. I recognize that smile."
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"If the suit doesn't fit you must acquit"
Kathryn Byrd, Kernersville

"Say, guys, you may not believe me, but this guy gives me the creeps"
Allen Covington, Stoney Creek

"I am not a flight risk, like that Lawyer says."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"What do I do to get HIM to open up?"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"And he says I'M hard headed!"
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"He's been wearing Sir Lancelot's helmet, now that's identity theft where I come from."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"This case could drag on all knight."
Randall Jobe, Greensboro

"And exactly how did you positively ID him on the lineup?"
"That's the look he always gets when he's lying!"
"I'm no arsonist! He asked me to weld his hip joint!"
"Yes, I breath fire sometimes, but can't I just take anger-management classes?"
"I can't stand how he sits there acting so emotionless!"
"Don't get me worked up. This courtroom has no overhead sprinklers!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"All I said was 'you slay me' and he took it literally."
Joe Carrollo, Summerfield

"My name is Puff and I was frolicking in the Autumn mist when this knight assaulted me for no reason."
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Sir Knight attacked me only because he wants a place at the round table."
"Sir Knight falsely accused me of devouring fair maiden. A lie! He just want's her for himself!"
Max Harless, High Point