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This week: A fly, or bug, watching TV. What's on? News? Sports? Cooking? A movie or show? You tell me. Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I have received some feed back that indicated I did not recieve some entries, although everything seemed fine on the sender's end. If you sent an entry in, but do not see it listed below, please post a message to this blog indicating so, and I'll see if I can chase down the problem.

I was originally going to add something bizarre to the drawing of the doctor and patient like making the patient a clown, or outting a duck on his head. Then I got curious what you could do with a no-frills medical cartoon. Some of you fixated on the man's nose, some on his shorts, but most on medical procedures and costs in general with a few Blue-Cross/Moses Cone current events-themed gags. Other current-events covered by the entries include Chinese imports, Senator Craig and even the water shortage. Here are some captions that the doctor ordered.

WINNER
"Um, Senator Craig? You weren't supposed to take off your clothes."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

THE RUNNER-UPS
"Heart murmur? No, more like a desperate yelp!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I meant to admit you to Moses Cone, but I see you have Blue-Cross."
Max Harless, High Point

"Do to city water restrictions, I can only take your urine specimen on your
garbage day."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"After reviewing your EKG I wish to be paid in advance."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Mr. Jones, Our tests show that you died last Wednesday."
Ken Layton, Carthage

THE INSIDE JOKES
Every week some of you take some sly - and not so sly - shots at me or Jokes On You in general. I think they deserve their own special place on this blog.

"Well, Mr. Rickard, it seems you have had one laugh too many."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"I'm not a doctor but I do play one in cartoons."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"So one more time...Your seeing talking bears, birds, dragons, and planets??"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
A reference to the subjects in past JOY cartoons.

"Well, I must admit, your boxers are better than that 'I ate stupid' t-shirt you wore a few weeks ago."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point
Also a reference to an earlier cartoon

"Our tests show that you are allergic to bad cartoons - like this one"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Bad news, Mr. Rickard. Your funny bone is missing."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
You aren't the only one to accuse me of that.

THE REST
There are quite a few decent entries in here.

"Between you and me, Viagara's a myth!"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Painful encounter with the steering wheel, eh? Those TV drug ads should say "If more than 4 hours, do NOT drive YOURSELF to the hospital."
"You need to walk 2 miles a day. Call me in 10 days but don't say you are 20 miles from home!"
"A glance at your physique tells me it will take 2 hours to fill out your medical history. We'll reschedule the examination for another day."
"Of course I'm a good doctor -- my wife tells me I'm the doctor she always dreamed of marrying."
"So you're worried about seeing "STP" on your chart. That just means "Slow To Pay."
Joan Lux, Greensboro
The first one had real promise, but was a bit wordy.

"After $35,000. worth of tests, we've found only a slight case of Hirsute Chestitis, but we are quite willing to keep searching."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"The viagra I prescribed is working, but unfortunately it is on your nose."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville
I kinda liked this one

Do you drink? No. Smoke? No. Exercise? Yes. Umm?? Ok, see you next year.
Ralph Rossi, Greensboro

I have good news & bad news. The good news is Moses Cone Hospital has a procedure that can save your life. The bad news is you have Blue Cross & Blue Shield as your insurance.
Shirley Wyzga-Johnson, Greensboro
Another Moses Cone/Blue cross gag, but wordier than the runner-up.

1) "Your test are fine but, Iím a little worried that the bridge of your nose doesn't go straight to the top of your head."
2) "Wow Mr. Flintstone your diet is going great."
3) "If you wanted me to look at your ear infection why did you feel the need to get undressed?"
4) "I'm not a doctor but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
The Mr. Flintstone one tickled me, but was too afar of the premise.

"The good news is you are the most fit patient I've seen this morning; the bad news is I've just come from seeing patients in the ICU."
Kathleen Coxwell, Greensboro

"The good news is you are the healthiest patient I've seen this morning; the bad news is I've just come from seeing patients in the ICU."
Kathleen Coxwell, Greensboro

"Sir the reason you keep losing your necklace is that you have no shoulders."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1. "I am Dr. Ima Reedy and you are Abbot T. Croak....."
2. "Don't worry it is just another face in the crowd."
3. "I am Dr. Ronny Mouth...Let's see Ima Blue was depressed, Stormy Pants had indigestion, and your diagnosis Mr. Abbot T. Croak......"
4. "Yes, I am late and no I don't refund your time.
5. "Piercings just do not belong in certain places!
6. "I found no evidence of alien penetration anywhere!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Well, we all know gravity over time does affect nose jobs."
"I can move the nose up but it won't do any good without a fashion consultant to replace the shorts.
"Yes it's been proven that wearing those shorts leads to an increased forehead."
W.F. Brown, Stoney Creek

"With the new contract, your insurance company will pay $18.95, the hospital bill will to come to $18.95, and your out-of-pocket expenses will be only $39,977.61. Lucky you were only here just two days."
Royce H. Riddick, Greensboro

"But I'm a Dentist!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1. When you said "The Ole bird's nest is thinning" we just assumed......
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"...yes, doctor! That's what I've been trying to tell you... my boxers ARE off!"
Jennifer Popal, Greensboro
I kinda liked this one too.

"I see you've gotten undressed but you might as well put your clothes back on because that's all your HMO will cover."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"You can put your clothes back on, Mr. Moore. Your hangnail is fine."
"It's good that you're right-handed, Mr. Smith."
"I think we found your clothes, Mr. Brown. Please blow your nose carefully."
"I warned you about sticking your whole arm up your nose."
"I've got some news and bad news, Mr. Jones. The good news is you're ambidextrous."
Phil Owens

"Well Mr. Weatherspoon, I discovered the cure to your disease but I can't read my own handwriting.."
Matt Sadler, Glendale, AZ

"So your wife is a fan of polka dots? Mine prefers stripes."
Jaya Martin, Gibsonville

1) "I have some good news for you. This checkup will only cost you the shirt off your back, so we will be able to return your pants."
2) "I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that we found out what is wrong with you. The bad news is that you have Blue Cross and I'm with Moses Cone."
3) "I'm sorry but we only take cash, not the shirt off your back as payment."
4) "Those boxers went out of style years ago."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"I knew we forgot to take something from you..."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"Let's hope the guys in the lab are having a little fun with us"
"Well, I see you are due in 10 weeks - ER - I must have the wrong file."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

* "Your poor social behavior is cause by Cranial-Anal-Erectus (CAE) syndrome. This is no cure for it."
* "Well some bad and some good new. You have a new deadly disease. You get to name it but don't wait to long!"
* "The nose operations cost were excessive. To settle, we now own you"
* "Is this correct, you mistakenly used Gorilla Glue instead of mustard on a ham sandwich. And now your lips are glued shut."
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Sorry, sir. We don't take Blue Cross."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
Oh so close! I think Moses Cone would have to be mentioned here for this to work as a current events gag.

Doctor: "I have some good news and I have some bad news."
Patient: "What's the good news?"
Doctor: "The good news is that the tests you took showed that you have 24 hours to live."
Patient: "That's the good news? What's the bad news?"
Doctor: "The bad news is that I forgot to call you yesterday!"
Libby, Greensboro

"I'm reading the lyrics now, the song goes..itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot BIKINI. There is no mention of yellow polka dot boxers!!"
Mitzi McClaren, Phoenix, AZ

"But I'm a Dentist!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
This had potential but needed some more set-up.

"It's quite remarkable you dreamed of swallowing a giant spermatozoa before the onset of your stomach pain because our CT scan shows you have in fact swallowed a tampon."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"The ECG shows a delta wave prior to the QRS complex which explains your SVT. Any questions so far?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
FYI, As an explanation, Cheryl offers this: "Just so you know, an ECG is an electrocardiogram....a QRS complex is lines seen on the ECG whenever the ventricles of the heart contract....SVT is supraventricular tachycardia. If the above is really seen on an ECG it verifies a condition known as Wolf-Parkinson-White syndrome."
Got that?

"The good news is you have no cancer anywhere in your body. The bad news is you owe us $353,965.47."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"I've already promised Mom you'll get a discount."
"I don't need to see your anatomy, Grey."
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"Good news, we can treat you with medicine, bad news, the medicine comes from China."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"I see that you're not happy with the results of your rhinoplasty...Truthfully, I think you look fantastic!!!"
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Apparently, Mr. Pinocchio, Viagra has had an adverse effect on you."
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

"Before we get to your diagnosis, Mr. Smith, do you happen to know how these clipboardy things work?"
David Hammer, Greensboro
I really like the term "Clipboardy things."

"Now that I've asked you to take off your pants, I'd like you sing for me."
Micah Massei, Greensboro

"We got $15 for your shirt and pants leaving a balance due of $130"
Coulson Mucher, High Point

"Oh my god, I have those same shorts at home."
"Bad news is that you need surgery. Good news is that I can finally afford that new boat."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

" I see what caused the cat scratch fever. "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"We're BOTH IN LUCK Mr. Jones! I have a cure for what YOU have .. AND.. MY son just got into Harvard!"
"You think your bill is high? ..You should see what I paid for my Mercedes!"
"What you have is so rare .. HMO doesn't have a 'decline payment' for it."
"A miracle? NO! Your back pain was cured by us removing the large bulge in your wallet you were sitting on!!"
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

1. "Well, apparently they gave me the Spanish version of your report and I can't understand a word. Oh well, take these pills 4 times a day and see me in a month."
2. "It says here that you are an organ donor. Can we take your lips too, Mr. Trump?"
3. "Lose weight, quit smoking, no more booze, no sweets or red meat. This prescription may cause impotence, diarrhea, hemorrhoids, and sleeplessness. Have a nice day Mr. Smith."
C.L. Sumpter, High Point

"That's the worse case of navel degeneration I've ever seen."
"Didn't I see those boxers at a yard sale over the weekend?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. "I have a 57 Chevy in better shape than you!"
2. "The lines on your EKG look like the lines on OJ Simpson's lie detector test."
3. "When I said exercise with 5 Lb. potato bags I meant with the potatoes in the bags."
4. "The X-rays of your head are back, we found nothing."
5. "Don't bother renewing any magazine subscriptions."
6. "If you were 102 you would be in great shape."
7. "Better take some more tests I have a car payment due."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"If you sell off the rest of your clothing you should almost have enough to pay this month's installment on your medical bill."
Wil Courter, Greensboro

"Let's see, the head bone's connected to the neck bone; the neck bone's connected the shoulder bone...where'd you say your pain is?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Billy, just hold out your arm; we don't give shots in the butt anymore."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'm not really a doctor, I just stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last
night."
From Cindi Holton, Randleman

"Aren't you a little old to just now be getting your baby shots??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"The good news is; you're not going to loose your hair. Bad news; you
really need to get rid of those boxers."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

caption: WHEN YOUR FATHER IS A DOCTOR
"But son, Mom said you were sneezing."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Personally, I like your new nose and lips."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your HMO will cover what you have...."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Ok, guess again. I'll give you a clue. It's starts with 'R'. "
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Your insurance will lapse in two days I couldn't possibly diagnose you now!"
Catherine Duke

"You said you could smell what? and how far away?"
Catherine Duke

"Your wife called ahead and told us whatever you told us you still weren't getting the remote back!"
Catherine Duke

"How can we be "rednecks" we don't have necks!"
Catherine Duke

SNAIL MAIL
"Great News! You will live long enough to pay my bill."
"As a plastic surgeon I think your nose is perfect."
Eleanor Readence, Greensboro

"I see that you took two last night before you called me this morning."
Max Harless, High Point

"Well I'll be a monkey's uncle, you are my son!"
"Wow, The lab tech crossed out 'physical' and wrote 'barely ticking!'"
"My chart says you wanted Angelina Jolie lips and a walter Matthau nose!"
"Results are guaranteed ... I try all my cosmetic procedures on myself, first!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I didn't get the winner's entry this week. I had to take a second look at the cartoon. Then I got it. And it was the only one that actually made me laugh. So, It made the cut above some strong contenders in the runner-ups. Some advice: Keep captions as short as possible. Some potentially good captions got bogged down with too many words. And word repetition like "Ray" and "Ray" can be distracting in what is otherwise a good caption. (I'm talking to you, Ken.)
Also, I found it interesting that no less than three entries refered to the cable-TV show "Dirty Jobs."

WINNER
"Junior! Quit standing in front of the TV!"
George Cornett, Greensboro

THE RUNNER-UPS
"'Desperate House Flies,' my favorite show"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
A VERY close second.

"Hey, Ma, Uncle Ray's on TV again. He's landed on one of Rachel Ray's pies!"
Ken Layton, Carthage
How 'bout "Uncle Bob" ... ?

"Scientists today reported they have figured out what killed off the humans 65 million years ago..."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"You are now watching the picnic channel."
Mike Adkins Madison
I just liked the simplicity of this one

THE REST
"Welcome to 'Dung Balls!' Today focus is on horse manure."
"Looking for a mate before it's too late? Log on to Flymate.bug."
"Please help those whose wings have been ripped off by donating to 'Flies who cannot Fly.'"
"And now we return to the 'Lord of the Flies' marathon."
"At 'Fly Survival' school you will learn how to avoid the swatter, the tell tale signs of fly paper and more."
"Looking for a quick bite? When then fly over the nearist Dumpster Dive. I new menu every day!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I hope Rachel Ray leaves that pie on the counter a little longer."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Next on Fox-8, Shannon Snith with low-cost ways to send your little maggot to the garbage heap in style."
Trish Tesh, Oak Ridge
I liked the local angle on this one

"Honey... if you don't hurry up and get the maggots to bed...you're going to miss American Fly-dol."
Mac Lane, High Point
This made my short-list

1. "Days of Our Lives" ?? It is like seconds when my family hits a table!
2. "The Omen" Must be the human version of "Raid!"
3. "Dirty Jobs" Looks like a slice of heaven to me!
4. "Swat"? How can they be so cold?
5. "I would like to see Chuck Norris try those moves on a pest strip!
6. "I wonder why the Food Network had a problem with me hosting a food show?
7. "Jeff Goldbloom sure is "Fly"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Well. she looks human, but her name's Ant Bee. She must be one of us!"
Samuel Clark Whicker, Greensboro

"This week on crappy jobs"
No name or city given

"Buzzzz....I don't know what the big deal is about global warming ... Buzzzzz."
"Help Martha! I'm being drawn towards the light!"
Rosemary Keever, High Point

"TV just humans me!"
No name or city given

"They need me to show them how to dine on food.''
"My favorite, The Food Channel."
"Man, I got to get out of this chair and fly more."
"This tv reminds me of my blocked headed cousin"
"Gosh! That steak looks good in HDTV."
"I get better reception than that!"
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"I love my InsecTV."
"I need a Lazybug recliner."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro
Hmmm ... "Lazybug recliner" ... cute.

"There has been a terrible murder as yet another helpless fly has gotten splattered against a passing doughnut truck. Find out more tonight at eight after "Are You Smarter Than a Cockroach."
Stephanie Latta, Melbourne
Melbourne?

1) "In College Flyball, the Appalachian State Mountainfleas swatted the Michigan Wolverwasps 34-32."
2) "Don't let a human use a fogger on you. New Fly Protector masks allows you to escape when others can't. Fly Protector. An SC Johnson Company."
3) "We will return to our horror film, 30 Seconds of Raid, after this short commercial break."
4) "The legislature will try to overturn Governor Fleasley's veto of an economic incentive package..."
5) "And God made fly in His image..."
6) "Quit staring at that TV all day or you'll go human-eyed!"
7) "Stop humaning me!"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"Even I wouldn't touch some of the crap they call comedy these days!!!"
Ann Holder, Pleasant Garden
You and me both!

The fly is watching the movie "The Man."
Phil Valla

1. "I hate, hate, hate those Raid commercials!" Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
2. "Honey bring some more refuse, the movie is starting."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
The second one made my short list.

(1) "These Presidential candidate debates drive me buggy."
(2) "Does Geicho want us to believe that geckos really can talk?"
(3) "Are we related? We have similar "ears".
(4) "TV Commercials with roaches make my hair stand up."
(5) "Talking animal commercials drive me buggy."
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1. "Raid, Ortho, Terminex... Commercials are terrifying!!
2. "YIKES!! So that is Dung Beetles food source!
3. "Whats this? Clips of Jimmy The Superfly Snooka??... On Smackdown?!
Christine Keaton

"Please enjoy tonights episode of Mr. Ed the talking horse fly."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Doctor Phil's subject today: 'arachnid phobia' ... How to overcome your fear of spiders!"
"Breaking News! ... Terminex man surrounded by a swarm of irate termites! ... Swat team called in!"
"News Flash ... Swarms of crazed flies riot at site of overturned garbage truck!"
"Today the United Nations voted to ban all insecticides as WMD'S!"
"The city dump was rated 5 stars ... Complements of Maggot Magazine."
"Today ... The food and bug association re-called all fresh food."
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"I can't watch National Geographic while dad's eaten by that Lizard"
Nancy Brown, Greensboro
I kinda liked this one too.

"Now the size of a human, this fly has spent the last two days eating from a garbage can at Barry Bonds house.
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Clever

"The fly is watching the movie, "Guess who's coming to dinner."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Coming up next, it's "Mister Ed", the talking horse fly."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Well, that's a buzz killer! Who knew the WASP network meant White Anglo-Saxon Protestants?"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Four drones and a queen were killed today in an abandoned apartment on 42nd street. No motive was given. Now onto some lighter news ..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"The ALL-BUG network proudly presents, “Wish I was a Human on the Floor"
Greg Deal, Greensboro

"Oh boy! CSI's Carcass Special ..."
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"Oh Boy! CSI ... I LOVE family reunions!"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"I sure do miss the Charlotte Hornets ..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

The bug/fly is watching:
"Insects in the City"
"'My Favorite Martian' in HD"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"'A Bug's Life' will be right back after a word from our sponsor, American Express. Don't leave your hive without it!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"And now back to the Sweet & the Wonderful where Bee is crying softly as her lover bids her goodbye."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Now place your hands on your hips bending your bee's knees as far down as possible while ..."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Now Ladies, add a pinch of salt placing the pork chop carefully on top of the cooked cabbage and carrots."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"And here they come racing down the track and out in front, leading the pack is Gorgeous Bee, the winner of last week's derby."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Aunt Bee looks quite lovely with her hair styled in a beehive, wearing a yellow jacket from Vera Wing's new bridal collection. The audience is abuzz!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1. "I hate these Geico commercials.
2. "A duck sells insurance, I could sell insecticide, oops! Maybe not.
3. "If they stopped these commercials they could save us 60% on our car insurance.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Yes I can see you just took your Viagra but please move away from the TV so I can watch the end of "The Sting."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro
A similar concept as the winner, but the winner was first, and here is a case when less would have been more

"...News just in...The city has been invaded by giant flies!"
Jennifer Dymek, Greensboro
Another short-list entry

"This is great! Appalachian State beats Michigan each time I watch this game!"
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"Try Raid-People Repellent, kills on contact."
"And now back to the finals of the cow pie toss on ESPN."
"And now back to Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe still up to his ankles in poo."
Wally Fox, Burlington

"Why did they name the zipper on a man's pants after me?"
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"If I see one more Chase Commercial Im going to BUZZZZZZZZZ!"
"Time to watch the best movie in the world THE FLY!"
"If I see One More raid commercial I am going to kick that flat screen in!"
"How stupid can those birds be on that windex commercial?"
"Those documentaries on unclean restaurants make me home sick."
"Hey! there's cousin randy on that crazy chef show, he always said that he would make it big one day."
Team Walter
The last one had potential in the same way as the "Rachel Ray" runner-up, but didn't set up the situation as well.

"I just love that Jeff Goldblum."
David Downing, Greensboro
FYI, Jeff Goldblum starred in the remake of "The Fly"

SNAIL MAIL
"I've never understood the human yearning to explore unknown planets. I'm happy just to land on something unsavory in the dog pen."
"All these food commercials don't tempt me! I like the already been digested kind!"
"Dirty jobs with Mike Rowe! Now that's my kind of man!"
"Dr. Phil thinks he has these nuts figured out? He hasn't been on their wall for the past week!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I have cable. Those rabbit ears are there just to match the antennae on my head."
"I get a buzz out of watching a spelling bee."
"We Queen Bees don't need a remote; the worker bees change our channels for us."
Max harless, High Point

"I hate these Raid commercials."
David Whittington, Greensboro

"Let's exchange antennaes and get a clear picture."
David Whittington, Greensboro

"I watch baseball to see flies, not Grasshopper violence!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I liked the drawing I did for this week's contest. I mean, it's hard conjuring up a drawing that could have many different interpretations (just look at some of my past efforts) but I thought I came up with a good one this time. And you guys didn't let me down. You did my art justice with some of the most consistently good captions to date. I considered not picking any runners-up because there were too many good entries to choose from. But then someone reminded me that was my job. Seriously, it was a coin-toss in many cases. In fact, this week, I'm going to skip the individual comments about the other close-contenders. You'll know which ones they were.
By the way, three snail mail entries made the runners-up, a new record.

WINNER
"Sometimes I wish they would leave me behind."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"My rock collection at show and tell. Bad idea."
Dennis LaJeunesse

"Mom went a little overboard with lunch today."
Team Walter

"No Book Left Behind..."
Paul and Robin Timmins

"I didn’t pass the EOGs, but I have some huge deltoids."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"It’s laundry day in home ec class."
Bill Wallace, High Point

“Dude... I gotta get a laptop.”
Tammy Sanders, High Point

THE REST
1) "Psst! Wanna buy some Chinese toys?"
2) "Take your computer to school! Great! I only have a desktop."
3) "Eastern Guilford is trying new fireproof texts: stone tablets."
4) "My Dad found all the missing 'Jokes on You' entries and is making me dispose of the evidence."
5) "These are the missing 'Jokes on You' entries."
6) "These are the ballots for next month's election."
7) "It's the complete Truth and Reconciliation Commission Report."
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

"I feel like I have the world on my shoulders."
Shirley Stultz, Climax

"Whew! They aren't kidding when they say 'first grade ain't what it used to be'."
Marcia James, Jamestown

1) "So this is how old people end up like this!"
2) "How in the world are kids getting fat these days?"
3) "And this is only the first day of school!"
4) "I wish my parents would have bought me a laptop."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"I knew Honors classes would be more work, but this is way too much!"
Arthur Weitz

"I need to get into character, IM a turtle in the school play."
Jimmy Horn,Greensboro

"My parents may have had to walk both ways up hill...in the snow, but I bet they didn't have all these heavy books."
Daniel Forlano

"Never thought I'd have to take him on his first day!"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"It's the kitchen sink!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "Dad said these were the rocks that were in my head. I am taking them to science class."
2. "I dont go anywhere without my computer."
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"School sure is back breaking work!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"With my grades, this is my only shot at Notre Dame."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Whew! They aren't kidding when they say 'First grade ain't what it used to be'!"
Marcia James, Jamestown

"Yeah, with the No Child Left Behind rule, it was my turn to do all their homework."
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"I hope all these books help me pass the EOG's so my school makes AYP and ABC's."
"If my class had a computer I wouldn't have to bring mine everyday."
"What did my mom pack for lunch!"
Donna Combs, Gibsonville

"My mom had a hard time getting the kitchen sink in my back pack."
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey Josh, tell the coach I won't be at soccer practice today. I've got a 3:00 with my chiropractor."
Kathryn Foster, Browns Summit

1."Hey Ken, never be out sick for two days."
2."Being a genius is killing my back."
3."It's the budget, all the juniors have to carry their desks from class to class."
4."You need to lighten up Eddie."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"I just don't know how Santa does this all over the world."
June Annis, Jamestown

"Man I need new shoes!"
Darrell Brown, Randleman

"Maybe I should have put the scooter together before shop class...."
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Step on a crack and break my back!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I forgot my lunch."
"Mom went overboard on my iron deficiency problem."
"Tell me again how much we going to make from these old Playboys."
"I going to drop bowling and pick up badminton."
"The sidewall cracks remind me of you, Butthead."
Dennis LaJeunesse

"We had the Pre-EOG Practice Tests all week, so I had to do my real schoolwork on Saturday."
or
"We had EOG testing all week, so I had to do my real schoolwork on Saturday."
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown

"I like studying ancient history, but these stone tablets are killing me."
Tim Tribbett Greensboro

"My mom got mine at 'Haul-Mart'!"
"This is my lunch... Tomorrow we get our books!"
"I brought all my comic books ... So I’ll have something GOOD to read!"
"If you can see the building ... Let me know…"
"Yeah!...We’re smarter than apes ... Cause WE walk up-right!"
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"Yes it hurts my back, but I pay for the doctor visits with the change I find."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Next year, I'm not taking Honors Physical Education."
Phil Valla

"Tote that barge. Lift that bail!"
"That's the last time I'll complain about skimpy lunches."
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

"Mama said,"you never know which encyclopedia you might need."
Richard Smith,Greensboro

"Teacher said to bring a household pest for biology class ... BE STILL, SIS!"
Meredith Kilpatrick, Summerfield

"Oh look, its that little bug from last weeks cartoon."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"My Mom said the laptops were too expensive."
"... so that's what a Tax-Free weekend is."
Shawn McEntee, Jamestown

1. "Yeah, Mondays are the worst. But, by Friday, after I sell all these healthy snacks and bottled water that Mom packs, I'll be rich!"
2. "Mom's mountain spring water fetish might make her healthier but it's going to kill me!"
3. "I wanted to be a soldier until Mom did my backpack for the first day of school. Now I want to be a donkey salesman!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"I'm carrying a heavier load this semester."
Cynthia Shores, Ramseur

1. "Ok, you were right there is a difference between carrying a laptop and a desktop."
2. "I'm begining to see that carrying more books, doesn't make you smarter, just tired."
3. "Here's the plan, at lunch I let my twin out and I go home."
4. "That is some lunch."
5. "Lunch is only a half hour, how are you going to eat all of that?"
6. "I hope that's not fertilizer."
7. "If you're running away I would suggest transportation."
8. "Can't you read? No guns allowed on school property."
9. "You're suppose to ride your bike not carry it."
10. "For show and tell I brought all of dads movies of him and mom wrestling."
11. "If they ask us to bring one more box of kleenex or soap I'm gonna scream!"
12. "Dude, I would have made my little sister walk."
13. "Next year no more advanced classes for me."
14. "If I don't get a laptop soon. I will be the shortest 12th grader to ever graduate."
Team Walter

1. "I remember when one apple was enough!"
2. "I thought age brought wisdom."
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"My brother gotta quit the track team or lose some weight."
"Why do I always have to take the class pet home?"
No Name or city given

"Nobody should have to walk to school 10 miles uphill both ways."
W.C. Smart

"You're lucky. My new teacher sure gives us a lot of homework."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"A laptop was too expensive, so my folks got me a set of encyclopedias for 50¢."
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"When your dad tells you how he had to walk to school with a load of books, be impressed."
Charles Rowe

"Man, this B.Y.O.T.A. thing is brutal. I like my teaching assistant and all, but…"
L. Michele Brainerd, Greensboro

"I'm practicing to be a bell ringer at Notre Dame."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm kinda sorry that I switched my major to geology."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I heard Dad say that you can't take it with you....so I'm tryin'. "
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"This is harder than Santa makes it look!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I think mom switched our book bags."
Bobby Moore, Greensboro

"You know that you didn't have to bring all of last year's books back, don't you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I can't believe she wasn't impressed with what I brought to show and tell."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I wish my brother would learn to walk like everyone else!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Must be Hell Week for Parachute Club pledges."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I'm carrying a full load this semester."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro

"So what if I believe in being prepared!!! Is that so wrong??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"My therapist says that I have a lot of baggage."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Just call me Quasimoto, Jr."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I can't believe we have to rent the school gym for all these returned checks!!"
Christopher Williams

SNAIL MAIL
"The teacher's gonna figure out you’re in there Mom."
"My Mom's having a hard time letting me go to school by myself."
"I've hear it's good to bring an Apple to the teacher."
"My teacher's going a little bit wild with the homework."
"My teacher's married to the orthopedic surgeon."
"The budget's been cut again. We have to bring our own desks."
"PE doesn't exist anymore; all the homework fills that requirement, too."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"It's my Uncle's accordion for show and tell. Bad idea!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Don't criticize me 'til you walk a mile with my backpack."
"I'm trying to impress the girls with my strength. Actually, I'm carrying a helium balloon in there."
"When I signed up for carpentry class I didn't know I had to bring my own bricks."
Max harless, High Point

"Mom says in the good 'ole days they used lockers."
"Do you think anyone will notice that I brought my dog?"
"My Grandma packs the best lunches."
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"I had to pack my lunch today."
"That's why they make laptops with wheels now."
Deborah Brown, Summerfield

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Cavemen again. I love cavemen. I'd do a caveman drawing every week if I could. In fact, I made an unsuccessful attempt at syndicating a caveman strip several years back (It appears "B.C." has that market sewn up.) Last time I did a caveman drawing for J.O.Y. (cavemen watching TV) I got some pretty good responses. So I did it again and ... I got some pretty good responses. Apparently you like cavemen, too. Here are a few of our favorites.

WINNER
"Reruns again...We gotta get cable"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

THE RUNNERS-UP
"Look Oogie, I was so skinny then."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
I recieved several variations of this, but I just liked the wording of this one

"Ogg love new HD screen!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Now that's lousy reporting. I was there. It didn't happen that way."
No name or address given

You want it moved to the dining room?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Gee, that's a nice picture of your Mom and Dad"
Louis Tellez

"Vegas is giving 2:1 odds on the Wooley."
David Downing, Greensboro

THE REST
"Ah. Remember the good old days when I drug you to my cave by your long hair?"
Tim Pegram, Oak Ridge

"Bob is camera hog."
"Bob is in every picture. Wall hog."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"The Animal Channel....again"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"Now I'll have to re-paint the whole d---ed wall!"
"Just take the crayons away from the kid, Ma."
"A Michaelangelo he ain't!"
"Well, we won't have to put this one on the refrigerator."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Don't you think the ads for this years rodeo have gone up a bit early??"
"Great ad for this year's rodeo!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"I think it makes me look fat."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"But what if it's not so easily intimidated?"
No name given

"Actually, this one was taken just seconds before the mammoth charged. It 's the last one we have of Great-grandad."
Trudy Davis, Greensboro

"Next I'll draw the little woman cooking it."
"I'm really enjoying my subscription to "Field and Stream."
"Thousands of years from now I'll be appreciated as an artist."
"It's not doodling--it's our family history."
"I'm tired of waiting for a forest fire to get more charcoal sticks."
"Great menu at this organic restaurant.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Nobody but a caveman can do this."
Charles Rowe, Thomasville

"I'm glad this restaurant posted their menu on the cave wall."
"A hard winter makes everyone look like a stick figure."
"Next I'll draw you in your animal skin."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"If only they had recalled those lead spears sooner."
Holly Montgomery, Greensboro

"Honey, let's scratch that wheel idea...I'm thinking something like a protective cup"
Jennifer Popal, Greensboro

"The first recorded 'Honey Do List'"
Diane Conterno-Neese, High Point
I loved this idea. However, the caveman in the drawing is clearly talking, so this would have worked better if it was worked into a sentence the caveman was saying.

"The drawing's fine... It's his technique that's all wrong!!
That's what's wrong with kids today -- Too much chalking... and not enough time stalking!!!"
No name given

"I still believe in creation."
Bill Lawson, Stoneville

1. "This picture goes with the cave."
2. "Sadly, the artist was without vision......quite literally!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "What do you mean my artwork is primitive!?"
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Cute

"Sweetheart, think the animal activist will be upset when they see this picture. . . 350,000 years from now?"
Tanya Florence, Brown Summit

1. "Your overcooked meat made a great carving tool!!"
2. "Couldn't you have exagerrated on the Mamoths size ??"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"At least we give the animals a fair chance!"
Joan Hunt, Greensboro

"He's the new Geico salesman."
Ken Hunt, Greensboro

"I know he's just a kid, but he's got to remember which wall to write on!"
Paul Smith, Asheboro

"It's Bush's fault"
Philman Lee, Greensboro

1) "I call this 'Ugh's Last Stand'"
2) "This funeral bulletin for Urg. He die bravely."
3) "Lucy was quite a hunter!"
4) "OK, you win. We send Ogg Jr. to therapist."
5) "It's good, but I never said I was as large as the mammoth!"
6) "This is the game-winner from the state finals. I was on my game that day."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"They had such freedom hunting bare... "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

1) "Is this only channel we get?"
2) "Ogg love watching SportsCenter"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"It's your brother...I thought he didn't eat meat?"
Lorraine Hanks, Greensboro

"I wonder how long it'll take Geico to get a new ad campaign."
"I was wondering what happened to Dave."
"Ahh..he's not so special. It's not like he invented the wheel!"
"There has to be a better way get immortalized."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
The Geiko one is kinda clever ...

"This will never be obsolete. The whole writing thing won't catch on."
"I drew this just goofing around. It is not to be taken literally."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"This RockDonalds has got to get a bigger menu!!"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Jeez! how is possible that britteny spears is on every channel?"
stacey phifer
This one amused me, but didn't score as high with other judges.

1. "I'ld like to see Geiko try that!"
2. "No more ochre for the kids!"
3. "My art work is so crude."
4. "Ah, our first mammoth comforter."
5. "Our family album sure is brief."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Number 5 is cute

1. "Look, our son went to the hunt."
2. "Guess what's for dinner?"
3. "Hey, we got cave mail."
George Cornett, Greensboro
I kinda liked the cave-mail one.

1) "Personally, I'm in the mood for chicken".
2) "It's your turn to do dinner".
3) "OK, tonight Chinese".
4) "Please make Junior stop drawing on the wall!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"This is the last & only picture of Uncle Harry".
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

* "Show has Uncle Ugh started his ribs business
* "I've copyrighted this design"
* "Not my ancestors. They were all left-handed cowards"
* "We need to fire our interior decorator"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Unk's kill could be the Play of the Week"
Michael Pearce, Reidsville

"Biggest one I've ever seen -- but he got away."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Do you really expect me to finish by noon Thursday when you want me to start over with a more femine scheme?"
Hally Rankin, Greensboro

"Are you now telling me you expected color on all the walls before we move in?"
Hally Rankin, Greensboro

(1) You're right, dear--Junior should not pursue a career in art."
(2) "How many times have we told Junior to not draw on the walls?"
(3) "This is good enough to make the cover of 'Cave-Sports Illustrated'".
(4) "Pets should not be allowed on the field during the javelin throwing competition."
(5) "The idiot that drew this forgot to put clothes on the hunter and a tail on the dragon."
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

"I thought you said your old boyfriend was history."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
I kinda liked this one