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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Unfortunately for Bill Gates, he apparently had a passing resemblance to the guy in my cartoon. That's all that was needed for you to go all mob-mentality on him and exact a cartoon beat-down of the world's richest man. These cartoons have their own category below, so check 'em out. But the most common theme this week is any variation of "computer's down, come back later." And several of you managed somehow to work our current water situation into a caption. Well done.
By the way, this is Joel's second win. This makes him one of only three people to be a multiple winner. Steve Hearn has won twice and Cathy (CC) Cockerham of Greensboro is the record holder with three wins.

WINNER
"Well look at the bright side, you made it on the When Animals Attack Show."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"Ohhhh, I see you're the head of an HMO! You can come in, but you can only stay 3 days!"
Archie Durham
Good one. Came close to winning.

Finally, are you carrying any container with more than 3 ozs. of a liquid or gel?
Michael Pearce, Reidsville
Nice.

"Welcome to Heaven Mr. Gates, . . . oops, hold on - Windows crashed again."
Mike Flint, Greensboro
The best of the "Bill Gates" captions I thought.

Smoking? Or Non-Smoking?
Steve Carbone, Greensboro
Clever double meaning.

"You're not in our system. Try downstairs."
Ed Fields, Greensboro
Nice, simple, a little subtle ...

THE BILL GATES TOONS
"I am very sorry, Mr. Gates; as soon as Windows reboots I can tell you which way you'll be heading."
Jacqueline Oates, Rock Creek

Bill, Surprised only "APPLE" computers are used up here?
Bill, Looks like YOUR out of patches!
Bill, You didn't know that Steve bought the place?
Bill, Your not on the "JOBS" list! Have you tried down below?
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"The big guy says hello Mr. Gates and Vista sucks!. Don't feel hurt, we did nickname him BIG MAC after all."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Sorry to expedite your arrival, Mr. Gates... I need technical support."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Sorry Mr. Gates I'm having a problem with our new operating system. Please have a seat."
"Sorry, but financially sponsoring a name change from the 'Pearly Gates' to the 'Bill Gates' still won't get you in."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro

Let's see... "Bill Gates at the Pearly Gates ... Sorry, My screen just froze. You'll have to wait until it reboots"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

THE REST
I'm sorry, but your name has been deleted from my data base.
Linda Willard, High Point

"Can't find your name on Santa's lists either."
Eugene Kutz, Greensboro

Just be patient, we are still on dial-up here.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Sorry to keep you in limbo ... the old keys to the kingdom never required a password."
Connie Ralston, Greensboro

Before these gates open I need to know what this "I once ran for Greensboro City Council" is all about.
George Subasavage, Greensboro

Johnson..., Ok, Ok, I'm looking... I'm looking... I don't see you on the V.I.P list can you please step aside.
April Short,High Point

Hmmm... File Not Found. Are you sure you're dead?
George Rawlins, Wentworth

1 Sir, did you call ahead and confirm your reservation?
2 Sir, I'm sorry I can not find Uphoria Fizzelsticks. Are you sure she came this way?
Patsy Comer, Browns Summit

Computer's down again. Everybody in IT went to the other place.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"Are you sure you paid your dues... I can't seem to find your name?"
Nancy Garrett, Liberty

"I don’t see you on my list. Let's check inlimbo.com"
Eric Lintz, Greensboro
Made my short list. One of two final captions to be cut.

1) "Sir, not everyone can get in. That's why it is a gated community."
2) "You've been misled sir, we do allow you to take it with you."
3) "No sir, I can not keep your wife out."
4) "I'm sorry sir, it looks like it's the Mormons who had it right."
5) "Yes it says you were a runner up in this weeks jokes on you."
6) "You're lucky, if it was up to me death bed repents wouldn't count."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Sir: is that address with a dot net, dot com, or dot org?"
June Annis, Jamestown

1. Sorry... I'm not seeing your name in the PowerBook of Life.
2. So you climbed the stairway and now you're knock-knock-knockin' on our door, huh?
3. I'm sorry Mr. Jones. The only room we have for you is downstairs.
4. Darned DSL's a little slow... Too much cloud cover.
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"So which picture do you think will look better on myspaceHeaven.com?"
You RSVP to the wrong email address.
I don't show your emailed reservation for here..it went to the Other place...
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

Well, after doing Google search with your name, I don't think we can let you in.
Ed Hamilton, Greensboro

"So Al Gore convinced you to come early while you can still see the gate."
Ralph Rossi, Greensboro

"Password?"
Joey Preston,Greensboro

"I'm sorry sir; we seem to have lost your reservation"
Theresa Lintz, Greensboro

"It's gonna be a two year wait.... would you like a beeper?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
This made the short list and was the other of two last entries to be eliminated from contention.

"I see that you used to be a computer tech.... you don't know how to cut down on this glare on my screen, do you??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Actually, your room is on Cloud 7 right down the street."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Due to HIPAA regulations, I'm unable to give out that information."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well, I can give you a king size bed in the room next to Mother Teresa, or a top bunk over Marilyn Monroe.... remember, you're going to be staying for eternity!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Due to HIPAA regulations, I'm unable to give out that information."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Actually sir, we no longer have a smoking section upstairs... we had to move it to the basement."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Hmmm. You'll have to come back later. The computer is down.
Donna Rawlins, Wentworth

"I'm sorry, you'll have to come back later--the system's down."
John Martin, Greensboro

"I'm sorry. You'll have to come back when the computer's up."
"I'm afraid that you'll have to come back when the computer's up."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sorry, you'll have to come back another time. I'm on lunch break."
"That still wasn't the correct password. I'm afraid you're locked out."
"Hang on a second. I'm working on Halo 4 ."
Rosemary Keever, High Point
I liked the "Halo" one a lot. Maybe if it was "Halo 3"...

"I'm sorry; the computers are down. You will need to come back later."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm sorry. You'll have to come back when the computer's up."
"I'm afraid that you'll have to come back when the computer's up."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Geeee, I seem to have forgotten my password...."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I had you down for party of two... are you SURE you were driving alone??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm going to have to contact the Patron Saint of Computers to see if he can't get you added to the system."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes sir, God IS here, but he doesn't do Windows!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"No, we never have any trouble with losing any info because Jesus Saves!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Hey man, I'm sorry but it looks like you've been blacklisted.
Alice McIntyre, Summerfield

"Social Security number, please."
"Uh-oh... you didn't pre-register."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1."Bob isn't in there either? Well uh...try my nickname, Moses."
2."I'm pretty much screwed, aren't I?"
3."I can explain the thing with the pig?"
4."Now that's what I call wireless technology."
5."No drinking and no sex, huh? Okay, how hot is hell exactly?"
6."Wow, I didn't think I'd be standing here before Keith Richards!"
7."That may be the only computer in the cosmos not used for porn"
8."Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to please take a few steps back."
9."Did you really expect to get in?"
10."Care to explain why I wasn't in your top 8 on myspace?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I know you were a VIP but I still can't find your name here!
Jan Hitch, High Point

"So you were a lawyer. May I suggest investing in some Bermuda shorts"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

You're welcome to come in but you'll only be happy for about 20 years-That's when we'll begin to transition to casual dress and Gen X music
Terry Burris, Greensboro

"I'm sorry dieing of boredom doesn't qualify..."
Christopher Latta, Greensboro

Sorry Sir, but the computer did not save you, only Jesus can.
Ed Chapppelle, High Point

1. Hey I was never in Vagas!!
2. You what don't even search my name, where is the other line.
3. O.k. ignore everything pre 1985.
stacey phifer
Number three, ditto for me.

1. this is going to take a while i have dial up.
2. so is there a dress code to get in.
3. Denied what do you mean. O.k. look it was the only job available I had no choice but to be a telemarketer.
Stacey Phifer

"Hold on a minute while I instant message God to let him know you're here."
Gwen Moore, Greensboro

No, sir, there is no alternate's list. Please exit down to the right.
J Stotler, Greensboro

1) "No, trying to stick a cue ball in your mouth wasn't a good idea, but it looks like it was funny."
2) "I don't know if Adam and Eve had belly buttons."
3) "I agree, I don't know why we still need glasses up here."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"The Gates are broken." "Oh no! How shall we get in?"
Alex Baxter, Mcleansville

1) "Sorry, your reservation must be at that other place."
2) "Well, not even Google has you listed."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"Give me your name, SS#, date of birth, mother maiden name,etc,."
"Your wife said meet her at The Golden Gate Bridge, not the Golden Gate, duh!"
"I think you made a wrong turn."
"Sorry, but there is no such category, "God knows I've been good."
"Give me a minute, the down elevator is overloaded."
James E. Ferrell

"Will that be one for the Harp music section or the Organ music section"
C Holiday, Greensboro

"OOPS!!! You're a minute early, your cloud is not ready yet."
C Holiday, Greensboro

"Says here you were a cab driver in New York City. Well, all your nasty attitude and potty mouth aside, apparently when you drove, people prayed!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

Unfortunately... you have been "down"loaded...
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Hmmm... seems your luggage was diverted to Hades. I don't think our insurance covers that.
2. It seems your luggage was diverted to Hades. Do you want to retrieve it?
3. No, I'm pretty sure your mother-in-law really IS here.
4. Well, if you told your mother-in-law you'd see her in hell, you're in the wrong place.
5. No, we don't have any clouds open next to the golf course.
6. Sorry, we only have a reservation for 4 available.
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

Padre, it appears you stole your identity!
I am requisitioning you a set of asbestos clothing.
Ah..., there is this small problem of your secret serial killer life.
Let's check out your sin sheet.
Lost passkey to heaven? Let see if I can help out
Let's check out your spiritual references - Bill Graham -good, Mother Teresa - outstanding, and Jimmy Swagger???
Looks like you were called up by mistake
Looks like your wings and halo have been shipped by error to Vegas
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"It says you were hit by a refrigerator. A jealous husband came home early and thought he caught his wife cheating. In a fit of anger he pushed his refrigerator out of his second story window. Apparently the naked guy hiding in the 'fridge didn't get a ticket to paradise!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Not good, I just got the blue screen of death when trying to open your file."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

No, I cannot delete your ex-wife!
Let's see "Hot or Not"...
We only have one Master Programmer here sir!!
Soooo are we getting wings or... oopsy wrong key!!!!
No, you cannot email your wife to say you have arrived !!
Your blogs were a bit devilish so...
We do not have computer glitches in Heaven!!
The Computer of Life says...
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Sorry for the wait, but we have dial-up...
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Uh-oh", there's a pop-up saying that you have committed a fatal error"
Leslie Rhodes, Burlington

1. "I know we took you in your prime, Mr. Gore. It's our little way of stopping global warming!"
2. "We got rid of all the cables and wires eons ago."
3. "I know you thought you could do without those coke bottle glasses in heaven. Look at me Mr. Smith. Let that be your clue."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

Looks like your wings were recalled by China.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"Everyone else is over at the golden arches."
Julie Mullis, King

"Have your passport ready. Security line is to the right."
Glenda Strickbine, Greensboro

Don't believe a word that thing says, my wife can get in to any computer that was ever made.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"No, this is not a gated community."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

(1) We must see your picture ID if you want to come fly with us.
(2) It's OK Mr. Jones, your Social Security number is safe with us.
(3) $99.95 includes the wings, halo and robe. There is a $2.00 deposit on the gate key
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

Just one moment...I am reading the "Joke's on You" blog...
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Thanks for the plug

SORRY SIR, stage 3 water restrictions are in place now. NO hot tubs available!
Greg Fowle, Greensboro

1) "Invalid User Name or Password. Access Denied"
2) "There are 236,000,000 John Smiths. Do you have your death certificate with you?"
3) "Mansion? No, sorry, says here to place you in a studio on the east side."
Ken Keever, High Point

1. Good folks get a car, not so good, a bike and you a skateboard
2. Good folks get a car, not so good a bike and you a skateboard. Your wife got roller skates.
3. You say you saved a woman from a motorcycle gang 10 minutes ago?
4. Wait one minute I am about to win at Solitaire.
5. Wait a minute my wife just sent me an e-mail.
6. According to our records you have been a very bad boy.
7. If you thought it was hot in NC you ain't seen nothing yet.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Huh, can't find your name anywhere on our database."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"Sorry Mr. Smith, we haven't received the e-mail acceptance"
From: Cindi Holton, Randleman

"You're the third Greensboro residential sprinkler we've had this week."
"You're the third Greensboro water restriction violator we've had this week."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"It sure it difficult to get tech support up here!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

1. "Nope, can't find your name and I can't ask Jeeves."
2. "Sorry, wealth and celebrity status don't mean squat here!"
3. "Ouch, I would not want to be in your shoes!"
4. "You shouldn't have used your pastor's name. He's in more trouble than you!"
5. "...uh oh, what's this about a soul selling pact?"
6. "Oh no, not another James Smith!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Heaven or hell, the jokes on you!"
George Cornett, Greensboro

"Can you come back later, my system just went down."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

1. Password is ______! Beep wrong word!
2. Sorry, no lawyers may enter.
3. Sorry for the delay, computer went down.
4. And you're looking for who?
5. How do you spell I'm not ready?
6. Sorry for the delay but it takes alot longer for dial up here.
7. I'll have you threw in a jiffy. We don't get many politicians up here.
8. Boy, when they say dial up they really mean it.
9. No, our system crashed and your name is not here.
10. Yes your wife is inside, but I can't ask her to come here for a minute.
11. Sir, you may have references to get in here, but it doesn't work that way.
12. What do you mean your password isn't working.
13. How can you get the blue screen of death in heaven?
14. Some line.
15. What do you mean he's on vacation?
16. Glad to see you have wings instead of horns.
17. Boy, it's much cooler up here.
18. Sorry, Mr. Hussein lives down stairs.
19. Can't you read the sign? "NO SOLICITORS"
20. Excuse me but do you have any Grey Poupon?
Team Walter

"After we won the Greensboro Flag Football Championship I dumped water on
our coach's head, then a city water resources employee killed me."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Gabriel sunk my battleship."
Wally Fox
I liked this one

SNAIL MAIL
"Yes, I was expecting you! I heard all about your physical six weeks ago."
Kris Voy, Trinity
Good, as usual, Kris, but only one this week?

"It says your arrival date is October 19, 2008. Did you not check our website? What! You do not have a computer?"
D.A. Woodall, Reidsville

"Sorry, our records show that you are at the wrong gate."
Sue Duff, Greensboro

"No reservation? You'll be party of one, lower level."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Somebody with your name is already registered here. If you're an identity thief, you're going to hell."
"A harp awaits you. It'll take an eternity to learn to play it."
"You don't need your prescription list. Everybody is healthy here."
"You blotted paper towels instead of wiping. Purgatory for you."
Max Harless, High Point

"George W. who?"
Dave Bohannon, High Point

"How do you feel about wailing and gnashing of teeth?"
William Wallace, High Point