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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

This week's captions overall had the least amount of consensus among us judges that I've seen in a long time. I quickly found that getting more people's input just resulted in even more diverse opinions. A lot of you referred to Geiko commercials, especially the one where the squirrels cause a car accident (See below). And, of course, GPS systems took the most hits. Many of you thought the person in the car was a guy. That cut way down on the sexist jokes. She's supposed to be a girl, but after taking a closer look at my drawing, you are certainly forgiven for that mistake.
And one of the captions submitted accused ME of cutting the brake cables. Sheesh. You sound just like my wife.

WINNER
"I'm okay but I think Keebler is going to need some new elves."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"Gee, Dad, It's not my fault. The GPS didn't show a tree there."
Ken Layton, Carthage

Daddy, Remember when you told momma wrinkles added character?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Mike's tree service? I need a tree removed from the front of my car.
A. Fahnestock, Summerfield

Are they ever going to finish Painter Blvd.?
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"OK, now explain this brake fluid thing again"
Alan Parrish, Archdale

Mom, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the airbags work.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

CALLING GEIKO
"Honey! There are two squirrels in a tree high fiving each other."
"Squirrel, squirrel,squirrel!". Yes, a squirrel in the middle of the road,again."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Hello Geico...you're not going to believe this but there were these 2 squirrels giggling and high-fiving each other in the middle of the road and before I knew it..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Of course, I'm sure it's the same two squirrels from the Geico commercial. They were Hi-fiving each other."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

"Hey Honey...You know all that money we just saved by switching to Geico..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"…a Gecko crossed the road and I swerved to miss him. Am I in Good Hands?"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"Should have switched to Geiko."
Deborah Bird, Summerfield

"Hello, Geico? I'd like to get a rate quote."
J.J. Yu-Cook, Greensboro

Those damn Geico squirrel's!
Team Walter

"That Geiko lizard ran right in front of me!"
George Cornett, Greensboro

"Hey Geico, I’ve got a great idea for a new commercial."
Wally Fox, Greensboro

Yes, may I speak with the Gecko, please?
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

THE REST
"I’d like a pepperoni pizza for delivery please."
"Dad, you know how you always tell me to forge my own path?"
"Hey, dude…can you bring your allowance? I need to leave the country for awhile."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
The one about the "forging my own path" came close to runner-up.

"Honey, you know how you wished we bought a compact car, well guess what ?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Yeah, I've heard of those plants that can grow right out of rock, but this is the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"But you said you've always wanted an accordion!"
"We could always go green and recycle it!"
"And the weird thing is, I left my cell phone at home today!"
"You got me...another pretty little jogging blonde!"
"Where was my caffeine when I needed it?"
"See what happens when I don't have my Starbucks!"
"This never happens on my video games!"
"Yes, I was just playing Rippin' Road Race- how'd you know?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Yes I think there is a problem with my GPS system."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Another strong entry by Joel

Uh Hello? Is this Maaco?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Quick—bring all the buckets you can. If we collect enough maple syrup, the proceeds will cover the deductible.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"Honey, I'll be a little late. There's a small problem with the car."
"It just jumped out in front of the car!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

I had forgotten how to drive in the rain.
Downside to father being an Arborist: "I don't KNOW what kind of tree it is, Dad."
Front's a wee bit crumpled but I can still sell it on-line!
Man, I hope this car can be towed from the rear.
DON'T put Dad on -- he'll want to know what kind of tree it is!
This accident is going to cost HOW MUCH for a tree surgeon?
I'm not UP a tree -- I HIT a tree.
The tree's fine -- Greensboro can still stay "green"!
If I knew how it happened I wouldn't be up a tree!
Mom's in the garden club -- she kept asking "what kind of tree"!
Stop acting like an arborist, Dad -- I don't know what kind of tree it is!
Joan Lux Greensboro

"Hey Honey...you know that tree next to the driveway you've been after me to take down 'cause you were worried you might hit it pulling in from work...well..."
"You know...I can see you in the window laughing at me I have to tell you that I don't find it the least bit funny..."
"Hey Rick...you know that auto policy you just helped me renew..."
"No...I didn't say that I have my engine in the trunk..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"This is not the best time to talk on the phone,dear."
"Yes, Enterprise. Can you pick me up?"
"Yeah, my car tried to climb a tree."
"OnStar"? "Can you help me" ?" No, this is not Tiger Wood!"
"Honey, your nut is up a tree?"
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1. "Now I'm up a tree without a signal!"
2. "Ah man, now I have a trunk on both ends of my car!"
3." Is this some wierd version of trunk-or-treat?"
Craven Peay, Summerfield

Hello Triple A: My wife set the GPS to "Treeway instead of Freeway!"
Patti Ross, Greensboro

"Am I covered"
"It just came out of nowhere"
"Honey, Did you pay the car insurance bill"
"Hi Dear, I was thinking of painting the car"
Tricia Brassel, High Point

"I'm thinking Arby's"
Brian Greene, Greensboro

"...Karen, I have to call you back...some idiot driving a tree just ran into me."
No name given

Hello; Mapquest. I think it's about time to update your system.
Vic Spear, Stokesdale

The cell phone did not cause the crash.....the tree did!!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1) "But my GPS told me to proceed straight..."
2) "Um, Mom, about Dad's car..."
3) "This tree must not have been there when the GPS was updated..."
4) "Maybe I shouldn't have been reading Rickard's cartoon while driving..."
5) "I am calling to complain the airbag didn't deploy when I crashed my car into the tree."
6) "You know that pesky bee I was trying to swat? I think I killed him."
7) "Hello, News & Record? Rickard here. My new cartoon will be a little late..."
8) "So I swerved to avoid the ghosts . . . no, Jennifer, I have NOT been drinking!"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

Honey, I'll be late for dinner.
Mary Fehl, Burlington

Mike, I told you the NAV system was broken!
I thought you said take a right on Oak....
Oops--I did it again! --Brittany
A. Fahnestock, Summerfield

"No, I haven't been drinking officer, I'm just an idiot."
"Honey, I'm going to be just a tad bit late."
"It was the tree's fault!"
"Somehow this is Brittany Spears' fault."
"What kind of car is it? It was a sports car but now it's a compact."
"It was a sports car but now it's a compact."
"I asked if the car was equipped with an airbag but I have my answer now."
"I should've had a V8."
"Yeah, I think I'm going to opt not to buy the car."
"After going for a test drive, I think I'll pass."
"Hey Bob, the funniest thing happened while I was driving your car."
"Bob, I hope you see the humor in this. I was driving your car..."
"I had a minor fender-bender on your car. It'll buff right out."
"Okay, who can I sue in this situation?"
"Why is it called a jaguar if it can't go up a tree?"
"You think my wife will notice?"
"You think the dealership will notice?"
"I'm no Jeff Gordon, huh? Well there are no trees at Talladega!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
A couple of these made the short list

OMG Honey, I just ran into a tree, I thought that Greensboro had cut them all down to become Urban Sprawl City #1
Deb Gwin

Can you hold for a second, I think I heard something?
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

1. "What? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. THERE'S BLOOD IN MY EAR!"
2. "On second thought, can I get that pizza delivered?"
3. "Thank God we're in a drought because my top is stuck!"
4. "It's a good thing my face isn't all busted up, 'cuz I'm a model."
5. "Tell me another story about your grandchildren; I've got some time"
6. "I've got this squirrel in my lap and he's driving me nuts!"
7. "With all this car trouble, I need Paris and Britney's lawyer!"
8. "Hey Sallie! I think I'm finally gonna get that handsome guy from the fire department to notice me!"
9. "I just passed my driving test at the Greensboro DMV."
10. "No, honey, the tree's fine!"
11. "At least it was a convertible!"
12. "I sure hope it doesn't start to rain!"
13. "Hello, Allstate? I'd like to make a claim."
14. "I think it's an apple tree..."
15. "I just heard about Britney's custody battle!!!"
16. "What?! You say the house is on fire?!"
17. "My car's supposed to look like this; it's part accordian."
18. "Look on the bright side--at least I can use my cell phone!"
19. "I'll be there in a minute; I'm at a rest stop right now."
20. "At least I've still got my looks!"
21. "I'm okay, but I don't know about the goat in the trunk!"
22. "I'm not sure yet, but I think I'll blame it on the government."
23. "Funny, I don't remember the tree being so big."
24. "Shoulda gotten a Honda."
25. "I hate my life so much!"
26. "JESUS SAVES!...on car insurance."
27. "What Would Larry Craig Do? (WWLCD)"
28. "I hope the cop doesn't find my stash of Playboys under the seat!"
29. "I think Tim Rickard cut my brakes."
J.J. Yu-Cook, Greensboro

Now I have a trunk in front and in back.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"TomTom? I wish to report a flaw in your software!"
"Rent-a-Wreck? Are you buying vehicles?"
"Tell my wife's lawyer that she can have the convertible"
"What do you mean the my insurance coverage covers only trees that fall on cars!
"Honey, it is only a small fender-bender again. A Mr.Tre Bark and I will be exchanging information"
"That's right, dad, they moved the tree"
"This doesn't look good for a Driver's Ed instructor!"
"Hello, your add says you will take a trade-in in any condition..."
"What do you mean Green Peace has already sued me for environmental damage!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Honey, I'm going to be late for dinner."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"So I said to her, No he didn't" and she said, "yes he did" and I said "No" and she said........ "Hey, where did this tree come from?"
"Hello, Acme Landscaping, look I said transplant the tree to the other side of the driveway, Not in the driveway."
"Well for Heaven sake, don't tell Al Gore!"
Alan Parrish, Archdale

1.) "Hello, OnStar? I'd like to file a complaint. I asked for directions to Oakland..."
2.) "Hello, OnStar? I'd like the number for the nearest divorce lawyer."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Honey, please don't tell me you forgot to pay the car insurance premium?
Donald P. Martin Greensboro

"I don't know, dad. There was this noise and then it quit running."
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

Hello, Can you give me my location? I don't know if I should make a right or left at the big oak tree. Also, is there a fine for tex messaging while driving?
M Cockerham
mollyb

Hello 911. Is there a law against driving and using a cell phone? Also, you may want to send EMS.Looks like a pile up of cars a block back. No, I have no idea what caused it.
Vicky Cockerham
mollyb

"Hey dad, I know you're not going to believe this, but... a tree just jumped in front of my car."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"But I always pull over when my cell phone rings."
Hal Koger, McLeansville

1) I don't care what they say! This is proof the lanes are narrower!
2) I guess this is why they call it "Big Tree Way."
3) It attacked even though I was driving a hybrid!
4) Yes officer, it did look like T. Dianne Bellamy-Small who ran me off the street! (Try printing THAT one!)
5) Which insurance is Moses Cone fighting this week?
6) My address? 1234 Big Tree Way.
7) Is this why it's called Elm Street?
8) Wow, I still get cellular reception under this tree!
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

1) "Yes, I’d like to cancel my refill on Ambien."
2) "I would like the ad to say “brand new paint” in bold print."
3) "Hello Hertz, is it to late to sign up for the insurance?"
4) "One tree in New York and I manage to hit it!"
5) "I zigged when I should have zagged."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
The Ambien one was a strong contender

"Believe me, I'm sure I took Maple Avenue."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. Senator Jones here, I wish to change my yes vote to no re: driving and cell phone use.
2. Dad, you have collision on the car, right?
3. Mom, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the seat belts work.
4. Dad, are we still in "Good Hands."
5. Mom, I think I just flunked driving training.
6. Mom, don't worry about the dent the shopping cart put in the fender.
7. Mom, sing along with me, "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there."
8. Operator I need a towing company and a priest to accompany me home.
9, Dad, remember when you said even Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has accidents?
10. Dad, the front wheel drive on the car is not working.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Mercedes Roadside Service? ... Oh ... I should call AAA?????
Carol Ann Falcinelli, Greensboro

Honey...I was not talking on the cell phone, I loaned it to Jr., remember?
No name given

1. "You're not going to believe this Mr. Rickard, but Casper is why I'm here too!"
2. "Honey I wrecked the car, but I found Grandma's kitten."
3. "But honey, I thought it was Pam Anderson."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Cheryl writes abou the "Casper" one: "I know you said you're not fond of inside jokes, however I thought this was funny and maybe you will too." Actually I LOVE the inside jokes, I just almost never pick them as winners for various reasons. And yes, I did think this one was funny. Also liked the kitten one.

1. "I don't know if it's a ficus."
2. "My name is Brian Spears, not Brittany!"
3. "Yes, I would like to report a Big Foot sighting."
4. "Officer, I only had one six pack."
George Cornett, Greensboro
It's too late now, but after rereading the "Bigfoot" sighting one again, I think I missed a runner-up contender.

1. I just realized something trees are much stronger than metal.
2. I just ran into a tree bent my convertible in half but I can't figure out why I haven't been thrown from my car?
3. It's amazing as hard as I hit the tree I still have a phone signal.
4. This is not a good way to remove leaves from trees.
5. Can you believe that this tree jumped out in front of me?
Team Walter

"Sorry honey, no matter how hard I try, I still can't get the cat out of the tree."
"Thats the last time I'll let your mother work on the brakes."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
Some good ones Frank. Unfortunately, they got here too late to be considered.

1. "Quick, sell all my Acme Brake stocks!"
2. "No dear, you're not distracting me. I'm just doing a little bird watching."
3. "What caused the accident? I fell asleep while on the phone!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

SNAIL MAIL
1. "Can you hear me now?"
2. "yes, I'd like to add collision insurance as of today."
3. "But the GPS said 'turn right now!'"
4. "Hey Mom, I overslept. Where's my car?"
5. "Oh, hi Dad, may I speak to Mom?"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Am I covered."
Deborah Bird, Summerfield

"But Honey, if we lived in Greensboro, This wouldn't have happened."
Jeff Pegram, Elon

"Let me get back to you about the citizen's right to use their cell phone while driving and thanks for the car loan -- it has tree-mendous acceleration."
Paul Stewart, Greensboro

"As I was saying..."
Burt bennett, Greensboro

"Maybe I should take up music like those other 'Crash Test Dummies.'"
"I ought to look out for the tree trunk when I go watching the leaves turning color."
Max Harless, High Point

"Hello, Onstar? There's a glitch in your directions to the Oak Tree Inn."
Bill Wallace, High Point

In case it isn't clear in the drawing for this week's cartoon, the kids are playing a video game their Mom gave them. What is it? You tell me.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

What? No Leona Helmsley gags? After a lackluster week last week, you guys bounced back with some doggone funny stuff. Seriously, there's at least a half-dozen of you who missed being included in the runner-ups by not much more than a coin toss. Thank goodness for the blog, though.

WINNER
...his favorite pose? I guess it would be sniffing his butt.
David Theall, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"No Mister Funny-Man....I WOULDN'T rather just bury him in the yard"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"The family will take it from here. You know how we love to bury stuff."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"...but when HE was trapped at the bottom of the well, who came running? Nobody!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Can you seat him at a poker table."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Several people attempted the famous painting "dogs playing poker" angle, but this one did it most succinctly.

"Show his teeth, I want to surprise the mailman."
George Cornett, Greensboro

THE REST
"No...I DON'T know what happened to his thigh bones..."
"Do you think the Falcons jersey is a bit over-the-top?"
"Would it be wrong to include the mailman's leg in the pose?"
"Close 'de Door...s'all-right...s'all right!"
"Ok...so when you lift the lid I want it to play "Who Let The Dog's Out" Can you do it by 5?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
I really liked the thigh bone one. Lots of weird implications.

"I know she was a chihuahua, but could you make her look more like Lassie?"
"Stuff him with candy. His Master is going to use him as a pinata."
KEN LAYTON, Carthage

1) "He had no idea they were testing that hydrant."
2) "This is what happens when you catch the car you are chasing."
3) "You are a taxidermist, so what's with the coffin."
4) "I begged him not to go into bomb sniffing."
5) "We could've saved him but we thought he was just playing dead."
6) "The lesson here is you shouldn't be a drug sniffing dog if you have a monkey on your back."
7) "And then the lady ran into a tree."
8) "Scooby didn't know that his Scooby snacks were made in China."
9) "His last words were rut row."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Numbers 1 and 5 were strong contenders

I know he's just a mutt, but is there any way you can make him look like a Great Dane?
David Theall, Greensboro

1) "He caught bird flu from Woodstock."
2) "It's bound to happen if you sleep on top of an A-frame."
3) "Who would have thought that Charlie Brown was involved in dog fighting?"
4) "He chased the "Gravy Train" right into the street." ( showing my age )
5) "Never assume it's a Frisbee if you are in Iraq."
6) "Poor Old Yeller! He was just brushing his teeth and his owners panicked."
7) "A sad ending! He should have never installed that sliding glass doggie door."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Some good stuff here.
Re: #4, I remember those commercials too, so you can't be that old. I'm only ... uh ... maybe you are old.

My fee is to be paid in bones. Pay promptly and this ... won't be dug up.
Could you position him to ... beg.
I am in mourning and your asking me what?!
Tacky I admit...but, he stuffed himself to death.
Isn't is a bit ironic that your hiring me to bury the goods?!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I never realized how fond I was of Fluffy until she was gone."
"Hey, I keep you in business by draggin' in this roadkill!"
"Michael Vick made me do it!"
"I can't help it; I'm a retriever!"
"Why can't you restuff all my squeak toys?"
"I've always thought 'play dead' was an awful command!"
"Yes, I'm the last of my litter, but they're feeding me food from China!"
"Yes, I guess she was on her ninth life, and I'm stuffing her before she can come back!"
"Is this the taxi? I really need to get to the vet for my skin problem!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I don't need a lunch break today, boss. I'm already stuffed."
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Can you take 10lbs off, broaden the shoulders and make him look a little more like Spuds Mackenzie?"
Brian Baxter, Greensboro

You say you stuff annoying animals, but you left "Barky" alone??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Well, you may have done TOO well. He was neutered."
"Who would have thought Bob Barker could have done THIS?"
"Well, he finally took too big of a bite out of crime."
"He was caught sprinkling the lawn."
"I think Mr. Bojangles will be grieving for more than twenty years after this."
"Thanks for squeezing him in after Michael Jackson."
"None of the others would take care of him after Shaggy got busted for possession."
"This is nice, but we were just thinking about using a shoebox."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

Put her away nice she's all I got...
Bobby Moore, Greensboro

"He was flattened by a car! Can you fill him out a little?"
"Can you make him look like Rin Tin Tin?"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"But, what about the tire marks?"
P. Keeten, Jamestown
I liked this one

I should get a big discount. He's already in his favorite position.
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Do you think a frisbee in his mouth would be tacky?"
"I don't have anything funny to say due to the writer's strike."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Three good ones, Brandon (see runner-up)

1. He always had one leg up on everyone.
2. I'd prefer him in the begging position, please.
Rosemary Keever, High Point

"No,no,no....thats the cat; my husband is still on Lawndale!"
Jamey Rymer
Jamey says "See,her husband was chasing a cat and they both got nailed. I wanted to say 'is still bloating on Lawndale,' but you know...!!"
Actually, I like "bloating..."

"I want him stuffed so I can remember him the way he was and he was full of it!"
"I want to remember him as he was and he was full of it!"
"Spike was my third husband. I'm trying to collect an entire set."
"I'm trying to collect an entire set."
"Are you surprised that I can talk?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I need something to stop my coughing..Not to stuff a coffin
How about a trash can? ... My friend always loved playing with garbage!
Please tell Bucky ... We can't accept his offer to stuff us for thanksgiving
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"So natural" He was always good at playing dead"
"I'll have the bones to-go"
"He loved to chase cars. You did a great job on the tire tracks"
"Can you stuff him with the back left leg lifted?"
"No, sorry. All dead cats look alike"
"Do me this favor. His mother can see him like this"
"Her owners admit she was overfed. Now they want to know how much oil would be recovered if she were rendered?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Shouldn't the parrot be face up?
2. Shouldn't she be face up?
3. That really is not his best side.
3. Who are pallbearers for this casket, Chipmunks?
4. Who are pallbearers for this casket, midgets?
5. How come you never stuff cats and hang them on the wall?
6. If I prepay my funeral can I have Chipmunks for pallbearers?
7. You're charging $5,000 for this? You should be wearing the mask!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. the casket is nice,but it is to good for that bitch chasing hound!
2.good job, but that's not my duke!
Larry&Jean Lemons

"But did you Have to cut off his pointer??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I think Lassie was trying to tell us something."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

1. can i trust you? the last guy i dealt with Bates something was a little off centered.
2. he just had to fetch.
3. he was always full of something.
4. make sure you put a bone in his mouth that was his last request.
Stacey Phifer

1. chasing his tail in the middle of the street was never a good idea.
2. what i 'd like for you to do is preserve Russell's eyes
Stacey Phifer

"Is there any way to hide the Bad Newz Kennel tattoo?"
Dave Crawford, Greensboro

"I don't know what I'll miss more; his bark or his bite."
Dave Crawford, Greensboro
I liked this one.

"I realize he's a Shar Pei, but couldn't you do something about the wrinkles???"
Dave Crawford, Greensboro
Nice

The taxidermist is our preparer......surely milkbones and firehydrants shall follow him.....amen
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "Do you have anything in a bone shape?"
2. "Will he be able to breathe in there?"
3. "Do you speak Heinz 57 mutt?"
4. "Good thing he's a daschund, I need a new draft dog."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Will stuffing get that tire print off his face?"
2. "He was a seeing-eye dog until that truck hit him."
George Cornett, Greensboro

"Oh, yes, it IS very nice...but, I think I'll stick with the "mount 'em and stuff 'em" method."
Tom and Rita Lewandowski, Oak Ridge

"I tried to tell him that he was too old to learn new tricks."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
A contender for runner-up

"Actually, he wasn't a pointer..."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Did you Have to include the white outline from the road??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Could you read a passage from 'Lassie, Episode 4'? It was his favorite."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Good one

"I'll only need the coffin for the funeral. After that, we'll want Huckleberry posed in the foyer."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I know Man was dog's best friend, but are you Sure I'm not in the will?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mr.Mann, I know you were his best friend, but couldn't you have given him One day off from fetching your slippers and the newspaper??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Bud didn't want you to know, but it really bothered us that you kept giving our children away."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Another runner-up contender

"We need to postpone the service until his 6 friends arrive from Vegas. The Poker Tournament ends today."
"Benji was so hoping to make at least one more poker tournament. I should have known those cigars would kill him."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Good idea, but needed to be less wordy. See runner-up in this category

"Can we wait one more day? All his family is flying in from Baskerville."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes, Bingo was his name. B. I. N. G. O."
"Yes, Bingo was his name....oh. B. I. N. G. O.....do you need me to repeat it?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
I would have really liked the first one if we just left off the spelling part. I don't feel it added anything more to the gag and cost it some of it's punch.

"Yes Mrs.Dawg, they shot the Sheriff, but they sware they didn't shoot Deputy."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Cathy writes "ok, this one may be a bit obscure..."
Paging Mr. Clapton and Mr. Marley ...

"I think McGruff finally bit off more than he could chew."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Cathy adds "you know...his motto: 'Help me take a bite out of crime.'"

"Mr.MacKenzie, it was Spuds' liver, wasn't it?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Didn't need the "Mr. MacKenzie" part. It would have worked better without that.

1. "Can you remove the bumper from his face?"
2. "He was barking up the wrong tree."
3. "He and some of Keebler's elves were struck by some crazy driver that ran into a tree."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro
First two gags: nice. Number three: Nice inside joke on last week's cartoon.

"So you drive cabs and treat acne?"
"Squirrel missed the bird feeder this time. Now he's gonna be my victory trophy!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"He had just retired after 20 years as an ALPO Taste Tester."
"We never realized there was so much cholesterol in ALPO."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"The driver took out an owl, cat, squirrel, my sweet Henry, and ended up smashing into the Keebler tree taking out a few elves too!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Another good inside joke on last week's cartoon

"Give me a Boston Butt to go please."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

The pop-up fire hydrant is a nice touch.
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Can you give Tripod a forth leg?"
"I was afraid he might come back from the Pet Cemetary."
David Downing, Greensboro

"Any chance you could put him in the classic "The Thinker" pose?"
"Why is his leg lifted like that you ask? He died peeing on an electric fence."
matt sadler

SNAIL MAIL
"It beats the stuffing out of this."
James L. Davidson, Greensboro

"I did great taxidermy and you want to bury your pet. You insult my artistry, sir!"
Max Harless, High Point

"Apparently we misunderstood the organ donor program!"
Frank M. Freeman,Greensboro

Between you and me, I think that last "Why don't you go get stuffed?" may have done it.
Robert Wyrick, Greensboro
A late entry

Thanksgiving is next week, so here's your chance at a do-it-yourself Thanksgiving cartoon, Pilgrim.
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

In case it wasn't clear in the drawing for last week's cartoon, the kids are playing a video game their Mom gave them. What is it? That was up to you.
Well, I admit I didn't give you much to work with. No ghosts, dogs, cows or even cavemen. In this type of cartoon, you have to shoot for something more clever than funny. The old video game "Pong" was brought up a lot. I picked the one I thought was worded best (sorry, CC, you were very close.) Also, you got extra points for realizing it was the Mom talking, not the kids.

WINNER
"You guys are gonna love this...it's called Pong!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Best of the "Pong" gags, but only by a hair (see honorable mention)

RUNNERS-UP
"It's 'Michael Jackson's Return To Neverland - The Video Game'"
"It's Grand Theft Auto - Wysteria Lane - Look At Gabrielle Run!"
No name given on these two, but we think it's our old friend, Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"No silly this video game isn't defective, it's SUPPOSED to teach you reading, math, and geography!"
Tyler Mannary, Greensboro, Age 12
The Mannery family racking up

"This game will interactively teach you about the birds and the bees."
Margie DiDona, Asheboro

"Mom, the CDs got mixed. This is you and dad in the hot tub!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Although, technically, that wouldn't happen as they are two different media, the idea of this was amusing.

HONORABLE MENTION
"It's called 'PONG'....your Daddy and I used to find this game quite challenging!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
CC, this is as close as you'll ever get without winning. I went back and forth on this one and the winner (I try to choose runner-ups that have different themes from the winner and other runner-ups.)
Although I liked the implied naievte of the Mom, we still decided that shorter was punchier.

THE REST
"Hey kids! Here's a new game called MRSA man. Help him avoid boils from the flesh eating bacteria by washing his hands."
Janet Brindle Reddick, Greensboro
Nice one, even if you do work here.

"It's by NCLB; you have to pass AYP before you move to the next level"
Donna Bailey, Greensboro
I liked this one, but a wee bit obscure to a lot of people

Guess you're still too young for this "Face the Consequences -- Save Now for Your Old Age or Else" video game.
Last person standing upright will be the winner in the "Gut-Wrenching Food Recalls" video game.
A real-life competition follows this "Thoroughly Clean Your Bedroom in Less Than 12 Hours" video game.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"How To Play Hide and Seek" Yuke!
"Make a Ugly Face Like This Game"
"What Kids Did Before Video Came Along Game."
"How To Run, Jump and Play Outside Video"
"Make A Face Like An Old Person Game."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"To play, you must live without cell phones, Ipods, computers, cable tv..."
Donna Lynn Mast

It's called PONG..."
"...OH MY NOSE!! - Although a hit with parents "A Very Brady Video Game" left the kids feeling a bit cheated."
"PAC-MAN on the Atari 2600 was a disappointment on so many levels."
"I Love You...You Love Me! Blech!!!"
"Well...it's called Halo so it must have SOMETHING to do with angels..."
No name given, but I think it's our old friend Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"No aliens? No gore? This game really stinks!"
Ken Layton, arthage
Good, but it's actually the Mom talking ...

"Isn't Mario Does Mortal Multiplication an exciting game on the big screen? We can certainly get educationally violent if we have to."
K.Harrison, Troy

"Mommy, the bad guys are killing that doggie from the photo-thingy you do for the paper."
Micah Massei, Greensboro

I played this game as a kid...Isn't monopoly great!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Mom was ecstatic when her favorite '70s TV show, 'The Love Boat,' was made into a video game. The kids, not so much."
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I think the shark just ate Fonzie."
Dennis LaJeunesse (Jr), Greensboro
hmmmm... trying to tell me something there, Dennis?

"How's the math challenge going?"
Sebastien LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Good one. A contender.

1. isn't that lovely, all you have to do to get to level 5 is kill a midget and rob an old lady.
2. is "bloodsucker of flesh" appropaite for you.
3. where is the joystick?
Stacey Phifer

"Mom! Surrender to Broccoli?"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

Apparently Mom really was colorblind...Blood Bath III "looked just fine" to her.
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I see that Dad got you the new Tele-Tubby video game for the weekend."
Wil Courter, Greensboro
Good one. Another contender.

"It's not Halo 3, but you'll like this even better...it's called Pong!"
"I didn't get Halo 3, but you guys will like Pong much better."
"I figure the violence will prepare them for public school."
"All this shooting and dodging bullets will prepare them for school."
"Before you know it, they'll be shooting at a 10th grade level!"
"Are you guys sure that rated MA stands for Mommy Approved?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Liked the line "shooting at a 10th grade level," but it didn't really fit the drawing.

"Who is Pacman and which button makes him blow up?"
"I got Manhunt 2. I hope it's not too violent."
"After playing Pong, they'll be begging to go OUTSIDE and play."
"Aww Ma, why'd you get this one? We might actually learn something!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Gee, I didn't even know they sold Pong any more!
What exactly is a Donkey Kong?
Ben Atkinson

"Sorry, sweetie. Looks like your birth video was put into the wrong case."
Scott Scaggs, High Point

" Eeek! Mom, there aren't any guns in this game! How do they expect me to
kill somebody If there are no guns ?"
David Crawford, Greensboro

Here is a new game for you kids, its called "Shut Up Or Get Off"
Try this game its called "Silence Is Golden"
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"This Britney Spears game is disgusting!"
"What kind of jungle has a pond that disappears and reappears?!" (a reference to Pitfall!)
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Mom, how are we supposed to have fun when there are no weapons In this game."
David Crawford, Greensboro
I liked this one. A contender.

This isn't a game, it's a video of Mom & Dad's wedding.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"It's called "Store Wars". You fill up your shopping cart with as many 1/2 price items as possible. Whoever spends less wins!"
"You get points for picking flowers and whoever makes the nicest arrangement gets bonus points. Isn't this better than shooting flesh-eating zombies infected with an alien virus?"
"I bought it at the health food store. It's called Veggie Land. You get points for eating vegtables and tofu and you loose points for eating meat and candy."
"The romance book club sent it. You run around gathering up flowers, candy and perfume for your significant other and then you get a kiss. Isn't that romantic?"
Alan Parrish, Archdale
I liked the second one, but it was just a bit long. Right idea, though.

"It's Halo 4, you have to clean your room & kiss your sibling to become an angel."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

This one offers a new level of reality; Super Mario has to open a clogged drain in John Madden's shower.
This one offers a new level of reality; Super Mario has to use a plunger on John Madden's stopped-up toilet.
David Theall, Greensboro
Well, this would explain the kid's expressions ...

"MOM......UGH, eat your vegetables game is not fun to play."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"...Who would have thought that "Shades of Death" came out with a video game."
Scott Smith, McLeansville

I never would have thought that "Old Maid" would come out on playstation 3!!Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I know that this is a little more realistic than
your Operation game, but it'll be good if you become doctors!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"And I think you'll find this one Really educational!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"It's called 'Helping Mommy with Natural Childbirth' !"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"It's called 'Accounting: The Game'. "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I'm on level 3

"It's called the 'Joke Writing For Dummies' game!!"
"It's called the 'Joke Writing For Dummies' game!! CC, someday, you'll love this game!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I need to get that

"It's called 'PONG'. "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
TOO short. Needs just a bit more set-up, like the winner and your honorable mention. (confused, yet?)

"It's called 'The Game of War the George Dubya Way'. Your Dad and I can't figure it out."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Gee kids when I was a girl Pacman only ate dots."
Jennifer D
This had potential, but I think needed just a bit more explaining

"Kids in order to win this new 'Jokes on You' game you can't just hunt down Tim Rickard. You also have to annihilate all those people that submit more than 10 entries each week."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro
Hee hee. Good luck, kids!

1. "Yuk Mom! This Bible game is lousy. Jesus always wins."
2. "Thanks for the big screen TV Mom. But now we can't play video games all day. Being this close to the screen makes us dizzy!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Mom, it's now my NewBridge Bank Xbox 360."
"Mom, I think Susie is choking."
"OK mom, I'll play this new game while you apply the Heimlich maneuver to Susie."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"This is lame!. We don't care if Atari was elected to the Toy Hall of Fame"
"What does it mean that "No characters were mistreated in making this game"
"Your Ebay bargin game is in Polish!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL"Hand-eye coordination? Hah! Use use you eyes to find your chores and your hands to perform them."
Max Harless, High Point

"Enough of 'Deliver Baby,' Let's try 'Wisdom Tooth Bye Bye.'"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Oh, by the way, to everyone who wished me a happy Thanksgiving; Thanks. And I hope yours was a swell one too.

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Among the turkeys served up this week was this completely unexpected winner. Sometimes, you just have to go with your first response, and as goofy as it is, this caption is the only one that made us laugh out loud.
"Eat More Chicken" was the theme dujour, as well as China-related gags (I did one myself in GoTriad last week.)
Several of you picked up on the fact that the turkey was suggested by ben Franklin to be our national symbol.
One more interesting caption worth noting was a quirky turkey-Jedi gag from Brent Wooten. You'll have to read it yourself below.
And kudos to everyone who sent in captions about the turkey selling out other birds or animals, which is just inherently amusing.

WINNER
"As God is my witness, I had NO idea that SHE was your wife!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"...and that's where the rest of them are. But remember, I'm not the one who told you!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

Oh I'd say about 15 minutes a pound at about 350 degrees. Why do you ask?
J.J. Yu-Cook

"Do you really want to have me for the next week and a half?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Et tu Caleb?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Hey, I thought you guys were pacifists!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Don't you have some witches to burn?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE REST
"Dude, rabbits, over there, hundreds of rabbits!"
Andy Ralston-Asumendi

"My tryptophan will put you to sleep, but fish on the other hand ..."
"Please, Sir, my wife has six eggs and one on the way."
"I didn't get a fair trial of my peers."
"I want to see my lawyer about an appeal."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE
Liked the reference to tryptophan.

No, really, I am a chicken - it's the steroids!
Paul Zurav, Greensboro

1) "look, you do this now and you'll be setting a precedent that could last for YEARS"
2) "Let's take a second look at this "National Bird" idea...."
Ric Hase

1. Have you seen my cousin? He's huge!
2. Do what you must but please don't fry me.
Des Laffan, Summerfield

"Do you what you want, but tomorrow you'll just be fat and sleepy!"
"Eat More Chicken!" (Not spelled incorrectly to honor copyright law)
"Where's the beef?"
"Could you show me the way to the buffet?"
"That's right. I'm the only cannibalistic caterer in the New World!"
"Help! I'm being chased by a bunch of men in tights!"
"Don't you want to see what else is on the buffet?"
"Let me axe you somfin'..."
"For the last time, I'm not a Jive Turkey!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Whoa, wait a minute...you want a free-range turkey. They're over there."
"Whoa, wait a minute.you want a Butterball turkey. One just went that way."
"Where is your heart? My family is right over there."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1) "Did you hear, big dinner party today? So what's with the ax ?"
2) "Wait, wait, did I hear the phone ? It could be the president."
3) "No really, chicken is a lot healthier for you."
4) "Eat more chicken."
5) "I bet you wouldn't do this if I was one of those" Pretty Boy Eagles".
Joel Clark, Greensboro

HOLD ON A MINUTE ! LET ME SHOW WHERE THE GEESE HANG OUT.
BOB KOLLAR, GREENSBORO

"Eat Mor Chikin!"
Julie Gentile, Oak Ridge

" I was imported from China!"
" I was imported from China and they painted me this color!"
Todd McDade, Greensboro

Don't make your wife slave over a hot stove. Come to my place; let's watch the Lions and Cowboys games.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"I have it on good authority that the Indians prefer ham."
"You're looking for Fat Tony? He's hiding over there."
"Put that axe away Miles Standish!"
"Can't this wait until after the Lions game?"
"You don't want me. Just look how tiny this wing is."
"I'd recommend Tom. He's at least this wide."
"Killing me won't do you any good; you don't even have a mouth."
"Eating me will only make you sleepy."
And for the best turkey-Jedi caption:
"This isn't the turkey you are looking for." (Said while using the
turkey's best Alec Guinness impersonation)
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Really!! You're too late! Hear the Christmas music???"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"Oh,you're gonna go kill the pigs? ... I'll have mine with an apple in its mouth."
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

"Uh ... Why are you looking at me with that sick twisted smile on your face?"
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

"Ok man,I have 9 lives to spare,and I'm not gonna give 1 to you! 'Cause I'm lke a cat! rarrrr!"
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

1) Just for once, I would like to have a Thanksgiving where your
relatives don't comment about how nice my decapitated roasted corpse smells.
2) I had the flu last week, so you got to ask yourself, "Do I feel lucky?"
3) For my last meal I would like bread crumbs, celery and onions please.
4) My last request? Don't use the canned cranberry sauce.
5) Would it kill you to hang around some vegan Indians?
6) Yeah, I'm "Tom Turkey"!....Who's axing?
Matt Cravey

"Don't you know you should, Eat More Chicken."
"Vegetables are much more healthy for, You and Me."
Joyce Mantooth, Julian

"Threaten me and I'll contact my lawyer!"
Sebastien LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I'll taste better if you brine me!"
Dennis LaJeunesse (Jr.), Greensboro

"Wait! Spare me and I'll take you to the dwelling place of the Tur-duck-en!"
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I think you want the free-range turkey-he went that way."
"I think you want the Butterball turkey-he went that way."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"I'm telling you, he's much bigger and tenderer and juicier!"
"I think that this whole "Thanksgiving turkey" thing is way overrated. How about that big juicy pig?"
"If you can just be patient there is a beautiful butterball right down the street!"
"I really wish I had taken those flying lessons."
"Why don't you go sharpen your ax and I'll find out where all those other turkeys have gone!"
"Whaddya mean I drew the short straw?"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

Hey, you, in that cheesy Pilgrim suit! Don't you know that Ben Franklin has proposed that "I" should be designated the National Bird? Go ax an eagle!
Jack Upton

"Did I tell you I was raised on feed imported from China?"
Eileen Thiery, Stokesdale

"Tom went thataway"
Nancy Collie, Reidsville

"Yes, indeedy! Eat More Chicken!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"So you see, there are MANY benefits to becoming a vegetarian!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Have you Read "The Purpose Driven Life"?
Pat Cambareri Greensboro, NC

"Hey pilgrim, start Thanksgiving without me, I'm not history yet."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Moo,moo...the turkey went that way."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Pilgrim, let's talk turkey"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

He went that a way, Pilgrim!
A. Roberts, Jamestowm

Hey, you, in that cheesy Pilgrim suit! Don't you know that Ben Franklin has proposed that "I" should be designated the National Bird? Go ax an eagle
Jackie Upton, Greensboro

"I'm a bald eagle. This is just my Halloween costume."
"Uh, which way to the all-you-can-eat turkey buffet?"
"May I be excused? I have to go to the bathroom."
"Didn't I see you on America's Most Wanted?"
"Hey, go take a look! Pocahontas is bathing behind Plymouth Rock!"
"Honest...Mrs. Smith's pies are Buy One, Get One Free down at the market!"
"Whoa, dude! There's a twenty-pounder right beyond the next hedge!"
"What I wouldn't give for a nice plump ham right about now!"
"It's true... no Thanksgiving this year. Haven't you seen all the
Christmas decorations out already?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

1) No really, it's called Tofurkey. You'll love it!
2) Dinner tonight? Yea, sounds great.
3) Hey the game's just started, Patriots up by 3 (ok just stay calm and get the axe out of his hand).
4) Hey look it's Mary Rowlandson!
5) Let's go eat some corn, or as the Indians call it "Maize."
J.J. Yu-Cook

i hope you are going to chop some stove wood to cook your Thanksgiving roast.
i have a disease called turkeylitus and i hear its deadly to humans on contact
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"I have a wife and 7 kids! Then again, when it's your time to go..."
"Please spare me. I have a wife and 7 kids! On second thought..."
"How about I make you a nice chicken dinner?"
"Ya know turkey is quite dry. However, duck...succulent!"
"There's been a recall on turkey...cough...cough."
"I could go for some roast beef myself."
"I'll just make you sleepy."
"Oink, Oink, Oink!"
"Now is a good a time as any to become vegetarian."
"Let me inform you on the health benefits of veganism."
"Your nickers are fitting kinda tight. You could stand to lose a few."
"You could stand to lose a few pounds."
"If you become vegetarian, your lifespan will increase...mine too!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

No really! The Native Americans really do eat ham for Thanksgiving!!! I promise!!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Hey, did you hear? The CDC says you can get avian flu from eating turkey!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No sir! That wasn't me gobbling at 5am this morning!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No, I'm not the turkey, he is the pig guy with the short curly tail rolling in the mud, over there.
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Hey mister? Can you help me? There is a half naked guy chasing me trying to get my feathers! Uh, what are you doing with that ax?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No, I'm not the turkey, he is the pink guy with the short curly tail rolling in the mud, over there.
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Bartholomew! Thank god I found you; you won't believe what they're doing to my brother!"
Ashton Maddox, Reidsville
I liked this one

"Hey, I'm not gonna be history"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

I'm not a Turkey, I'm a Republican!
I know I look plump, but it's all water weight!
Hey, the Indians have invited you to their barbeque & said to tell you they really don't want their land back.
David S. Crawford, Greensboro

"ME?!?!? Have you SEEN Tyler's Report Card?!?!?"
"Did you get a gander at the breasts on THAT one!"
"Hurry...I think that ship of yours is leaving without you!"
"I think your ship just hit a rock!" (BaDoomBoom!)
"Can We All Just Get Along?!?!?"
"Look! Look! Elvis...I Swear!!"
"OK...but possible side effects could include, diareaha, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, bloating, constipation, and erectile dysfunction so it's up to you..."
"It's Lassie!!! She's fallen down the well!"
"QUICK...Your wife just killed a Keebler Elf!"
"Seriously...he was about THIS tall, wearing a feather headband, and he said your outfit looked silly!!"
"What's Big And Green and goes "Gobble Gobble? Turkey-Saurus Rex! RUN!"
"You could probably stand to DROP a few pounds if you ask me..."
"You know...the Swans over there can hold more stuffing!!"
"Why do Pilgrims pants keep falling down? They have their buckles on their hats!"
"The sign said "Eat More CHICKEN"!!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Look, O.J., I was just selling some of your old belt buckles, OK!"
C. L. SUMPTER, High Point

1. Hey, didn't you hear.............I just got the Presidential pardon!
2. Hey, look up! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
Rosemary Keever, High Point

"I don't want to be killed by a guy with no mouth!"
Jake Keever (age 11), High Point

"Let's no lose our heads over this!"
"Fly? No I can't fly. Why?
"I'll give you two of my frozen cousins and no one the wiser"
"Can't dance? I can teach you the Turkey Trot"
"Do you shave with it?
"Nice shoes. Where did you get them?
"You don't want me. I'm sick. I am all dark meat. I eat tofu. I have 12 wifes and 150 kids....
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Honest! Thanksgiving is over. Don't you hear the Christmas music??"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

1) "Don't make me call PETA."
2) "You don't want to do that. I've got a bad case of E coli."
3) "You should wait, in a few years they will invent deep frying."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1) "Shall I bring the stuffing?"
2)"So help me, this is just a costume I'm wearing!"
3) "The really BIG Gobblers went thataway..."
4) "Wait here a minute and I'll show you the Turkey Trot!"
William Beerman

"Look, braniac, I'm a turkey not a 'chikun'. And quit believing what you hear on those cow commercials!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

I'm telling you, your guests want wild Salmon.
Hey, I thought you guys became vegetarians on the Mayflower.
Jon Barsanti

I know your new here...so the bird that quacks over there is the turkey!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

now i know how oj feels. or, you cant eat me, i have been recalled.
mike atkins

"Off the set, Bub--writers' strike."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"He went that way!"
"I don't think you want a Chinese turkey...not this year."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro

"McDonald's is that way."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

1. O.k. look that thing I said the other day, I was just kidding.
2. Are you coming to get the guy who killed my cousin?
3. Look up the road is a Plymoth-Bojangles.
4. Wait! There is the new thing called a Food Lion up the road you moght want to check out.
5. I had some work done a couple of years ago you dont want me.
6. Let's go to the shed..., FOR WHAT???
Stacey Phifer

Don't I get the right to choose? This is America!
Alane Riley, Greensboro

"My brother over there is twice my size."
" You did not get the pardon signed by the President?"
" Today's my birthday."
"Let me show you the pre-cut frozen section."
"Do I look happy to you? Your neck is not on the line."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1) "There is no need for that. With gas prices the way they are nobody's going to show up anyhow."
2) "There's a pig over there that's telling everyone you wouldn't dare eat him ."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

(1) Remember what the cows say--"Eat more chikin".
(2) The first WHAT?
(3) My cousin,Tom, is much fatter than me.
(4) Wait 'til the SPCA hears about this!
(5) The wood pile is over there.
(6) Listen, Mr. Smith, this family dinner idea will never catch on.
(7) They're gonna stuff what? Where?
(8) I thought you were a vegetarian.
(9) Does Pocohantas know about this?
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1. Haven't you heard? Eat more Chicken.
2. What would rather have, a full stomach or a talking turkey?
3. Don't look at me President Bush is sending me to Disney World.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Thanks....giving?? I will give Thanks if your giving that other bird the axe!!
I am a meager dinner for four....that bird over there is dinner for eight!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Eet mor chiken"
"Eet mor beaf"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"Hold up, I want to go to the feast too."
Haley LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Pilgrims, don't you know that Thanksgivinging Day has been designated as National Vegetarian"s Day?
Henry Peraldo, Greensboro

"Now my cousin George, well he weighs 3 pounds more than me....He went that away."
"Help! Somebody call PETA!"
"I guess I should have called Jenny Craig sooner."
"Your ax was made in China...Its been recalled."
"I'm serious, it was in the News & Record...A vegetarian Thanksgiving."
"Avenge me, children!"
"Chinese take-out or pizza delivery? My treat. I insist."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

" .. And that is the story of the first Vegetarian to sail to America"
"Beef. It's what's for dinner!"
"Who you callin' a turkey?"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"If you're traveling this holiday the trading post is selling oats for $2.95 a bushel."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"If you're traveling this holiday the trading post is selling oats for $2.95 a bushel."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I was only kidding when I said you wore ladies stockings!"
"I wish you HAD sailed off the edge of the earth!"
"I have bird flu!"
"When you said you were having turkey, I thought you meant Columbus!"
"How about I make you a nice roast duck!?"
"I'm not a turkey, I'm an ugly peacock!"
"Let's eat at Joe's like the sign says!"
"Don't kill me, take my wife!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"No, I'm pretty sure that the recipe reads Ham & dressing!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Then there's Tommy, my littlest...he wants to grow up to be a doctor...Pilgrim willing..."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Fourteen Pilgrims and 12 Indians just walked by hauling the Biggest turkey I've ever seen...they'll Laugh if you bring me!!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Honest, they just went running that way, screaming "HAM!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) "Pick George over there! He's been working out!"
2) "But I am starring in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!"
3) "You don't want me. I have Mad Turkey disease."
Ken Keever

"Don't you recognize me? President Bush pardoned me this year."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Don't you recognize me? The White House pardoned me."
Marsha Elam

"There's a Pre-Thanksgiving Sale at J.C. Puritan."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"If you hurry you can make Trudy Wade's cartoon casting call."
"Whoa, wait a minute.I just here for Trudy Wade's cartoon casting call."
Marsha Elam

I'm here for the casting call. I heard the new city council to record the minutes in cartoon format."
Marsha Elam

"So, that's why you just giggled everytime I asked you if you thought I was gaining weight!"
Michael Pearce, Reidsville

Do you have any idea what you are starting?
Better hurry the Mayflower is pulling out.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

SNAIL MAIL
"I know where you can catch a fish this big!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Kill me and you'll be eating left-overs for a week!"
Bill Wallace, High Point
Another good leftovers gag, but it got to me too late due the early deadline.

SOME MORE LATE ENTRIES:
"But Sally over there is tender, she never works out!"
"Do I look like a tree? There's the tree over there."
Frank Freeman

"Deal or no Deal?"
Mary B. Hamilton, Archdale

"The really big turkeys are over there."
"I heard some turkeys gobbling over there!"
"Follow me, I'll show you where the hams are!"
Donna Voy, Toledo Iowa

"Hurry up, I'm beginning to flutter."
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe NC

"But I'm invited to an indian feast!"
Gail Frazier, Greensboro

"Say it ain't so!!"
"What chopping block?"
"I'm invited for dinner?"
Constance Wheatley

1. "First you have to try my Uncle Sander's fried chicken."
2. "Go see Goliath. I'm scrawny next to him!"
3. "But Indians think turkeys are sacred!"
4. "Be thankful for corn, we will be thankful for us."
5. "See, we all have bird flu." (cough everybody cough)
6. "Hurry, come see the Indians worship their great turkey god."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"And then Tim Rickard picks a winner, so if you say something really clever, we BOTH could be famous!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Absolutely. After all, this contest has had its share of turkeys - Thank you and goodnight, everybody! Enjoy the buffet, don't forget to tip your waitresses!

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

For the second week in a row, Bob Mannary was the unanimous choice around here. Britney Spears' questionable parenting skills was a source of inspiration for several of you, as well as Brangelina, fertility clinics and power outages. The first entries I received on these subjects got first dibbs for consideration. Below are other worthy themes including Vlassic pickles, PTI and Skybus. Even Viagra and the state of West Virginia got in on the act.

WINNER
"Please not Britney! Please not Britney! Please not Britney!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

RUNNER-UPS
"I Hate bulk mailing day!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"That must've been some blackout back in March!"
Vanise Goodnight, Lexington

"SPECIAL DELIVERY for Angelina Jolie"
Mary W. Stickle, Asheboro

I think this flight was oversold.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

"It's going to be great! I hear Michael has an amusement park and everything!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"All pacifiers should be inserted and apple sauce containers covered as we begin our descent."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

THE REST

"Release babies on the ground. Release supplies from the air. Release babies on the ground. Release supplies from the air..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Oh NO! I think I packed the first delivery in the Middle!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"This is the Last Time that I'm taking the other storks runs for Poker Night."
"This is the Last Time that I'm taking the other guys runs for Poker Night."
"This is the Last Time that I agree to take the other storks runs just so that they can play Poker."
"That's the Last Time that I bet making deliveries on Poker Night."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Let's see Mike Rowe try This on 'Dirty Jobs'!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well, if I don't make all of the deliveries by midnight, the rest will just have to be Sagittarius's."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'd better not fly over the Jones' house with this load. He's got a shotgun."
KEN LAYTON, Carthage

"I see Pampers is headed for a great year."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Boy, these dependents will wipe out the Smith's tax burden!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

Here comes Brangelina's bunch!!
Veronica Sherbourne, Greensboro

1.) "I should've gone with the cardboard cut-out of myself."
2.) "The woman had to have all 27 of these babies!"
3.) "just...(pant)...2...(pant)...more...(pant)...miles!"
4.) "Lying is wrong! Especially to your kids!"
5.) "Would you get to the part where you are in the baby delivery room?"
6.) "And you waited for the stork to bring him,I think he knows the story!"
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro 10

1). "Wow" Brad and Angelina, this is my 5th delivery this week.
2). "I HATE kids !"
Parker Scaggs, Greensboro

Little bundles of joy?? They get heavier every year!
Isnt it time to upgrade from us storks delivering? who thought of this idea anyway??
I think I will need to see a chiropractor after this load!
I was told one small load.....I wonder if we could Strike!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Large delivery today -- how widespread was the power outage 9 months ago?
Large delivery today -- did the power go out 9 months ago?
We are NOT stopping again at a Dairy Queen.
There's only one of me -- hope your mother understands why you're late.
I'm flying as fast as I can to get you there by December 31.
I'm getting tired delivering end-of-year tax deductions.
You'll find out soon enough when your parents have "the talk" with you.
Hang on, kids, I let my liability insurance lapse.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

... Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.
...Well you said the more the merrier!
Jan Hitch, High Point

"I hate those @#$%ing blackouts!"
Ben Atkinson

"These fertility clinics are killin' me!"
Laurie Browning, Jamestown

Why is it MY mission in life to deal with the problems of THEIR power outages?!
Sue Cross, Ruffin

1. well I guess the war is over.
2. honestly, some companies need to advertise more.
3. ......let's see 9 months from Valentines' Day?
4.wouldnt just saying "i love you work"
Stacey Phifer

Darn that ice storm power outage....
Cathy Kennedy, Greensboro

"AAWW" my aching beak, I wish those people would find something else to do during an ice storm, have they never heard of board games!
Lisa T. Kay, Greensboro

"Your head's all squished. They'll think you're natural delivery!"
"Mr. Stork's grumbling about the shipping rate going up and his salary going down."
"I don't think he likes us. He said preemies made his job a lot easier!"
"Did something white and gooshy just hit your head, too?"
"Why can't Mr. Stork use the facilities pre-flight?"
"Baby at 10 o' clock needs a diaper change!"
"Baby at 10 o'clock is carrying a load of his own!"
"Boy is Dad gonna be mad at Mom when he sees us!"
"My circadian rhythm gets all messed up when he flies over those time zones!"
"How does he expect us to sleep with all this turbulence?"
"Where are the exit zones, seat cushions, and oxygen masks?"
"Where are the peanuts?"
"Have you gotten your peanuts yet?"
"You get what you pay for. It's SkyBus."
"Whaddya expect? We got the first ten seats for ten dollars!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

See what happens when discount air carriers fly out of PTI?
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"Why does Brad and Angelina have to be on MY route?"
"Next stop, Mia Farrows house."
"Looks like there's a new world record."
"Viagra may do wonders for some, but it's bad on my back!"
"Viagra's new sales pitch must be working."
"Trojan needs a new ad campaign."
"It must be sweeps week on the Maury show."
"I'm going back to my old job at Vlasic!"
"I didn't know how easy I had it making Vlasic pickle commercials."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Stupid childhood obesity
Park Groves, Greensboro

The children around the world have been recalled to protect them from lead paint in toys.
Maurice "Moose" Pleasants, Lexington

I wonder if Fed Ex is hiring ?
Danny Blair, Trinity

"They're cheaper by the dozen..."
Katherine L., Greensboro

"the new military secret weapon - diaper fumes"
Stephanie L., Greensboro

With the high gas prices I thought "Damn Carpool" would work.
D.T. Reece, Randleman

1) "Uh oh! I'm gonna sneeze!"
2) "I can't remember who goes where"
3) "I gotta get one of those GPS things!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

I could never get this load off the ground if I had heavy thighs.
Lots of babies in that cabbage patch.
Where did I find you? Under some cabbage leaves of course.
Glad my take-off isn't hindered by heavy thighs.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Apparently she forgot to look at The Old Farmer's Almanac before she signed the contract."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1) " I wonder if our last name will be Jolie or Pitt . "
2) " I hear we are going to live in a shoe . "
3) " Do you think it's a good idea for children to be this close to birds ? "
4) " STOP TOUCHING ME ! "
5) " I'm sorry I thought that was my thumb . "
6) " Well we can blame this on Hillary's healthcare. "
7) " OK got the birds, but where do the bees come into this ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
I liked the "stop touching me" one.

I don't know where he thinks we can come up with the $5 for the in-flight meal!
Michael Pearce, Reidsville
I liked this one. A contender.

Damn In-Vitro!
Barbara wites" "sorry, Tim...it was the first thing that popped into my head"
After this load, I'm switching to pickles.
Just wait till this crew hits Social Security in 60 years.
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"I hate when I get stuck with the Catholic route!"
"...and I laughed at Earl when he decided to sell pickles instead."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

..and they say rabbits multiply quickly!
Oops! The weatherman should have forecasted "scattered showers" today!
Christine Keaton, Randleman
I liked the scattered showers one. Another contender

I hate the bird flu disease.
What kind of Girl.?
This is the Sky Bus?
It is a shame that storks look like turkeys.now I have to work extra shifts.
Now I know why the teradactyl went extinct.
Angelina made this look easy.
Delivery to Angelina and Brad.
Park G. gbo

"Haven't these people ever heard of video games?"
"At least it's not the China route...Keep flapping." "At least it's not the China route...Keep flapping."
"Darn power outages."
"Darn fertility drugs."
Why didn't I take that job selling pickles on TV?"
"What in the world have they been feeding these kids?"
"The nurses on the maternity ward are going to love this."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

" I never should have quit my job at Vlasic."
"Ned now realized why the more senior storks always planned their
vacations nine months after Valentine's day."
"In the future, I'll be scheduling a vacation nine months after a blackout."
"You should see the bundles I have to carry for the rabbit division."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

And I thought the Gosselin kids were a crowd!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Where is a head of cabbage when you need it?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

They need to outlaw fertility drugs, Oh my aching beak!!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

I think someone needs a diaper!!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"I have to deliver to these high schools more and more."
"I hate the Amish route."
Eli Oklesh

"No Billy, now really ISN'T a good time to play Pull-My-Finger..."
"What is a Fed-Ex Hub and how long do you think we'll be there?"
"Not so funny when I have the dirty diaper now is it?"
"Na Na Na Na Boo Boo...my mommy's Halle Berry!"
"Do you think Angelina Jolie gets a discount by ordering in bulk?"
"Where exactly IS Dubai and do you think they'll have cake?"
"If there is any justice in the world we're not heading to Britney Spears!"
"Got Milk?"
"Do you think this celebrity-baby thing is getting out of hand?"
"Christina Aguellera huh? I'm heading to Halle Berry...guess we'll just call it a draw."
"Do you think the Osmonds will even notice?"
"I hope I get a cool name like Maddox or Zahara..."
"My broker is E.F. Hutton and E.F. Hutton said..."
"Is your last name Federline too?"
"Who's YOUR daddy?"
"So would my last name be Pitt, Jolie, Jolie-Pitt, Brangelina...I'm so confused..."
"You guys think this whole stork idea is funny huh? Do you have any idea what these things smell like?"
"Mmmmph, mmmmph, meeeeemph, mmmmph mmmph mmmimph" (Stork talking)
"Do you think he's ever dropped anybody?"
"I heard this is the second delivery to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in 2 weeks!"
"I guess I should have mentioned this earlier but I tend to get a litle air-sick from time to time."
"Do you think they'll have any turkey left?"
"I was surprised too...nobody even knew Jennifer Lopez was pregnant!"
"I hope our stork doesn't fly for America West..."
"I can't believe that I got THIS through airport security!"
"OK...this will be hilarious...on the count of three, everybody let out one big poop...ready???"
"I don't want to live on an island!"
"I don't know about you but island living didn't exactly work out well for Gilligan and his buddies."
"I spy with my little eye..."
"Play the sign game you said...it'll pass the time...WE'VE BEEN ON 'A' FOR OVER 6 HOURS!!!"
"I think I just swallowed a bug..."
"Hey look...isn't that Osama Bin Laden's cave...time for a little number 2 action!"
"OK...I start then you come in...ready...Row Row Row Your Boat..."
"You won't BELIEVE where they put that TSA sticker..."
"My diaper...they actually checked my freakin' diaper!!! I feel so violated..."
"This is the last time I EVER fly coach..."
"All I know is that this better not be part of some new reality show on FOX..."
"Would you mind not kicking my seat please...."
"I thought there was supposed to be a movie on this flight..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob is a student of the "more is more" philosophy.
(Hey, it worked.)

"The odor is killing me!"
"My dentures are slipping!"
"That Fed-Ex proposal sounds better each trip"
"I hate this new plastic doll delivery contract"
"This trip will prove I am not a Dork Stork!"
"A new product line for Babies-R-Us?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Look at those yahoos headed to a Lamaze class."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

I wish the Condom Worker's Union stike would be over soon.
Scott Smith, McLeansville
Good one. A contender

"Does anyone give birth naturally anymore?"
"I should've retired before the advent of fertility pills."
"The miracle of life is murder on my back!"
"I'd get a truck if it wasn't for the price of gas."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Why do I deliver when the doctor gets all the credit??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I better deliver triplets to the next three houses because I sure am tired."
"Hummm, I can be done quicker if I deliver triplets to the next three houses!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"YOU try carrying nine little one!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Is that a man on the roof with a rifle?"
"Is that a man on the roof with a rifle and a sign saying 'No More Kids'??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Am I seeing things or does the sign on that house say 'No Deliveries'?!"
"Oh No! What do I do now? The sign says 'No Deliveries'!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"there should be a law against those darn fertility drugs."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"Next stop... Jolie / Pitt house"
Michele Kilgallen, Wayne, New Jersey

(1) Somebody forgot to wear a diaper.
(2) This is a non-stop flight to Moses Cone.
(3) I've heard about no-frills flights, but this is ridiculous.
(4) Sure he can fly but can he land softly?
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1. Let me guess, there was a power outage 9 months ago!
2. I know what Brown can do for me.
3. Where is UPS when I need them?
4. I'm joining a Union.
5. I picked a great day to leave my address book home.
6. Then Dad said to Mom, "what else is there to do, there's no electric."
7. I sure hope we are not all going to the same house.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"And the FAA thinks they have a capacity problem."
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

1.) "Don't worry; I hear Britney's a great mom."
2.) "I think we're almost there. I see a sign: Welcome to West Virginia."
3.) "What a coincidence! We're all going to Britney Spears' house, too."
4.) "OK now, who couldn't wait?"
5.) "I'm not sure exactly where we're going. I hear it's someplace called the NBA."
6.) "Don't worry; I hear Michael just loves kids!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"We are approaching Emerald Pointe Water Park which is a designated No Drop Zone' area."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

I guess Angelina & Brad are tired of one at a time.
Moonlighting for Babies-R-Us is going to be the death of me.
Wally Fox, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"A bundle of year-end tax deductions!"
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Special delivery for Branjelina."
Jane Lewis, Burlington

"Are you buying this? I already know better."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

1. "Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!"
2. "Who's your daddy?"
3. "Must have been another blackout."
4. "What kind of party did they have?"
5. "Hasn't anybody heard of using protection?"
6. "Do they really know what they are about to receive?"
7. "Bundles of Joy or Holy terrors?"
8. "I am so tired of this job. No wonder I'm an endangered species."
9. "There has to be a better way to keep warm."
10. "Forgive me, I'm about to drop this heavy load."
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro
I really liked the 4th one. A contender

"It has always been said, labor and delivery is for the birds."
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe, N.C.

"I'm supposed to wrap each baby in swaddling clothes. I only have one swaddle."
"Gang way! I'm trying to set a new Guiness world record."
"This is why Dr. Greir wants that bond issue for new schools."
"Darn those fertility drugs!"
"I've found that when you plan and combine delivery routes you save time and money."
Max harless, High Point

"I've heard of 'share the ride' but this is ridiculous!"
"Those fertility drugs have got to go!"
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"Gosh these fertility drugs and mixed marriages are really tiring me out."
Jeryl Johnson, Greensboro

"These deliveries for Angeline and Brad are getting larger and larger."
Linda Satterfield, Greensboro