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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

This week's captions overall had the least amount of consensus among us judges that I've seen in a long time. I quickly found that getting more people's input just resulted in even more diverse opinions. A lot of you referred to Geiko commercials, especially the one where the squirrels cause a car accident (See below). And, of course, GPS systems took the most hits. Many of you thought the person in the car was a guy. That cut way down on the sexist jokes. She's supposed to be a girl, but after taking a closer look at my drawing, you are certainly forgiven for that mistake.
And one of the captions submitted accused ME of cutting the brake cables. Sheesh. You sound just like my wife.

WINNER
"I'm okay but I think Keebler is going to need some new elves."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"Gee, Dad, It's not my fault. The GPS didn't show a tree there."
Ken Layton, Carthage

Daddy, Remember when you told momma wrinkles added character?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Mike's tree service? I need a tree removed from the front of my car.
A. Fahnestock, Summerfield

Are they ever going to finish Painter Blvd.?
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"OK, now explain this brake fluid thing again"
Alan Parrish, Archdale

Mom, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the airbags work.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

CALLING GEIKO
"Honey! There are two squirrels in a tree high fiving each other."
"Squirrel, squirrel,squirrel!". Yes, a squirrel in the middle of the road,again."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Hello Geico...you're not going to believe this but there were these 2 squirrels giggling and high-fiving each other in the middle of the road and before I knew it..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Of course, I'm sure it's the same two squirrels from the Geico commercial. They were Hi-fiving each other."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

"Hey Honey...You know all that money we just saved by switching to Geico..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"…a Gecko crossed the road and I swerved to miss him. Am I in Good Hands?"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"Should have switched to Geiko."
Deborah Bird, Summerfield

"Hello, Geico? I'd like to get a rate quote."
J.J. Yu-Cook, Greensboro

Those damn Geico squirrel's!
Team Walter

"That Geiko lizard ran right in front of me!"
George Cornett, Greensboro

"Hey Geico, I’ve got a great idea for a new commercial."
Wally Fox, Greensboro

Yes, may I speak with the Gecko, please?
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

THE REST
"I’d like a pepperoni pizza for delivery please."
"Dad, you know how you always tell me to forge my own path?"
"Hey, dude…can you bring your allowance? I need to leave the country for awhile."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
The one about the "forging my own path" came close to runner-up.

"Honey, you know how you wished we bought a compact car, well guess what ?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Yeah, I've heard of those plants that can grow right out of rock, but this is the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"But you said you've always wanted an accordion!"
"We could always go green and recycle it!"
"And the weird thing is, I left my cell phone at home today!"
"You got me...another pretty little jogging blonde!"
"Where was my caffeine when I needed it?"
"See what happens when I don't have my Starbucks!"
"This never happens on my video games!"
"Yes, I was just playing Rippin' Road Race- how'd you know?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Yes I think there is a problem with my GPS system."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Another strong entry by Joel

Uh Hello? Is this Maaco?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Quick—bring all the buckets you can. If we collect enough maple syrup, the proceeds will cover the deductible.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"Honey, I'll be a little late. There's a small problem with the car."
"It just jumped out in front of the car!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

I had forgotten how to drive in the rain.
Downside to father being an Arborist: "I don't KNOW what kind of tree it is, Dad."
Front's a wee bit crumpled but I can still sell it on-line!
Man, I hope this car can be towed from the rear.
DON'T put Dad on -- he'll want to know what kind of tree it is!
This accident is going to cost HOW MUCH for a tree surgeon?
I'm not UP a tree -- I HIT a tree.
The tree's fine -- Greensboro can still stay "green"!
If I knew how it happened I wouldn't be up a tree!
Mom's in the garden club -- she kept asking "what kind of tree"!
Stop acting like an arborist, Dad -- I don't know what kind of tree it is!
Joan Lux Greensboro

"Hey Honey...you know that tree next to the driveway you've been after me to take down 'cause you were worried you might hit it pulling in from work...well..."
"You know...I can see you in the window laughing at me I have to tell you that I don't find it the least bit funny..."
"Hey Rick...you know that auto policy you just helped me renew..."
"No...I didn't say that I have my engine in the trunk..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"This is not the best time to talk on the phone,dear."
"Yes, Enterprise. Can you pick me up?"
"Yeah, my car tried to climb a tree."
"OnStar"? "Can you help me" ?" No, this is not Tiger Wood!"
"Honey, your nut is up a tree?"
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1. "Now I'm up a tree without a signal!"
2. "Ah man, now I have a trunk on both ends of my car!"
3." Is this some wierd version of trunk-or-treat?"
Craven Peay, Summerfield

Hello Triple A: My wife set the GPS to "Treeway instead of Freeway!"
Patti Ross, Greensboro

"Am I covered"
"It just came out of nowhere"
"Honey, Did you pay the car insurance bill"
"Hi Dear, I was thinking of painting the car"
Tricia Brassel, High Point

"I'm thinking Arby's"
Brian Greene, Greensboro

"...Karen, I have to call you back...some idiot driving a tree just ran into me."
No name given

Hello; Mapquest. I think it's about time to update your system.
Vic Spear, Stokesdale

The cell phone did not cause the crash.....the tree did!!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1) "But my GPS told me to proceed straight..."
2) "Um, Mom, about Dad's car..."
3) "This tree must not have been there when the GPS was updated..."
4) "Maybe I shouldn't have been reading Rickard's cartoon while driving..."
5) "I am calling to complain the airbag didn't deploy when I crashed my car into the tree."
6) "You know that pesky bee I was trying to swat? I think I killed him."
7) "Hello, News & Record? Rickard here. My new cartoon will be a little late..."
8) "So I swerved to avoid the ghosts . . . no, Jennifer, I have NOT been drinking!"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

Honey, I'll be late for dinner.
Mary Fehl, Burlington

Mike, I told you the NAV system was broken!
I thought you said take a right on Oak....
Oops--I did it again! --Brittany
A. Fahnestock, Summerfield

"No, I haven't been drinking officer, I'm just an idiot."
"Honey, I'm going to be just a tad bit late."
"It was the tree's fault!"
"Somehow this is Brittany Spears' fault."
"What kind of car is it? It was a sports car but now it's a compact."
"It was a sports car but now it's a compact."
"I asked if the car was equipped with an airbag but I have my answer now."
"I should've had a V8."
"Yeah, I think I'm going to opt not to buy the car."
"After going for a test drive, I think I'll pass."
"Hey Bob, the funniest thing happened while I was driving your car."
"Bob, I hope you see the humor in this. I was driving your car..."
"I had a minor fender-bender on your car. It'll buff right out."
"Okay, who can I sue in this situation?"
"Why is it called a jaguar if it can't go up a tree?"
"You think my wife will notice?"
"You think the dealership will notice?"
"I'm no Jeff Gordon, huh? Well there are no trees at Talladega!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
A couple of these made the short list

OMG Honey, I just ran into a tree, I thought that Greensboro had cut them all down to become Urban Sprawl City #1
Deb Gwin

Can you hold for a second, I think I heard something?
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

1. "What? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. THERE'S BLOOD IN MY EAR!"
2. "On second thought, can I get that pizza delivered?"
3. "Thank God we're in a drought because my top is stuck!"
4. "It's a good thing my face isn't all busted up, 'cuz I'm a model."
5. "Tell me another story about your grandchildren; I've got some time"
6. "I've got this squirrel in my lap and he's driving me nuts!"
7. "With all this car trouble, I need Paris and Britney's lawyer!"
8. "Hey Sallie! I think I'm finally gonna get that handsome guy from the fire department to notice me!"
9. "I just passed my driving test at the Greensboro DMV."
10. "No, honey, the tree's fine!"
11. "At least it was a convertible!"
12. "I sure hope it doesn't start to rain!"
13. "Hello, Allstate? I'd like to make a claim."
14. "I think it's an apple tree..."
15. "I just heard about Britney's custody battle!!!"
16. "What?! You say the house is on fire?!"
17. "My car's supposed to look like this; it's part accordian."
18. "Look on the bright side--at least I can use my cell phone!"
19. "I'll be there in a minute; I'm at a rest stop right now."
20. "At least I've still got my looks!"
21. "I'm okay, but I don't know about the goat in the trunk!"
22. "I'm not sure yet, but I think I'll blame it on the government."
23. "Funny, I don't remember the tree being so big."
24. "Shoulda gotten a Honda."
25. "I hate my life so much!"
26. "JESUS SAVES!...on car insurance."
27. "What Would Larry Craig Do? (WWLCD)"
28. "I hope the cop doesn't find my stash of Playboys under the seat!"
29. "I think Tim Rickard cut my brakes."
J.J. Yu-Cook, Greensboro

Now I have a trunk in front and in back.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"TomTom? I wish to report a flaw in your software!"
"Rent-a-Wreck? Are you buying vehicles?"
"Tell my wife's lawyer that she can have the convertible"
"What do you mean the my insurance coverage covers only trees that fall on cars!
"Honey, it is only a small fender-bender again. A Mr.Tre Bark and I will be exchanging information"
"That's right, dad, they moved the tree"
"This doesn't look good for a Driver's Ed instructor!"
"Hello, your add says you will take a trade-in in any condition..."
"What do you mean Green Peace has already sued me for environmental damage!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Honey, I'm going to be late for dinner."
Cindi Holton, Randleman

"So I said to her, No he didn't" and she said, "yes he did" and I said "No" and she said........ "Hey, where did this tree come from?"
"Hello, Acme Landscaping, look I said transplant the tree to the other side of the driveway, Not in the driveway."
"Well for Heaven sake, don't tell Al Gore!"
Alan Parrish, Archdale

1.) "Hello, OnStar? I'd like to file a complaint. I asked for directions to Oakland..."
2.) "Hello, OnStar? I'd like the number for the nearest divorce lawyer."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Honey, please don't tell me you forgot to pay the car insurance premium?
Donald P. Martin Greensboro

"I don't know, dad. There was this noise and then it quit running."
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

Hello, Can you give me my location? I don't know if I should make a right or left at the big oak tree. Also, is there a fine for tex messaging while driving?
M Cockerham
mollyb

Hello 911. Is there a law against driving and using a cell phone? Also, you may want to send EMS.Looks like a pile up of cars a block back. No, I have no idea what caused it.
Vicky Cockerham
mollyb

"Hey dad, I know you're not going to believe this, but... a tree just jumped in front of my car."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"But I always pull over when my cell phone rings."
Hal Koger, McLeansville

1) I don't care what they say! This is proof the lanes are narrower!
2) I guess this is why they call it "Big Tree Way."
3) It attacked even though I was driving a hybrid!
4) Yes officer, it did look like T. Dianne Bellamy-Small who ran me off the street! (Try printing THAT one!)
5) Which insurance is Moses Cone fighting this week?
6) My address? 1234 Big Tree Way.
7) Is this why it's called Elm Street?
8) Wow, I still get cellular reception under this tree!
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

1) "Yes, I’d like to cancel my refill on Ambien."
2) "I would like the ad to say “brand new paint” in bold print."
3) "Hello Hertz, is it to late to sign up for the insurance?"
4) "One tree in New York and I manage to hit it!"
5) "I zigged when I should have zagged."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
The Ambien one was a strong contender

"Believe me, I'm sure I took Maple Avenue."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. Senator Jones here, I wish to change my yes vote to no re: driving and cell phone use.
2. Dad, you have collision on the car, right?
3. Mom, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the seat belts work.
4. Dad, are we still in "Good Hands."
5. Mom, I think I just flunked driving training.
6. Mom, don't worry about the dent the shopping cart put in the fender.
7. Mom, sing along with me, "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there."
8. Operator I need a towing company and a priest to accompany me home.
9, Dad, remember when you said even Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has accidents?
10. Dad, the front wheel drive on the car is not working.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Mercedes Roadside Service? ... Oh ... I should call AAA?????
Carol Ann Falcinelli, Greensboro

Honey...I was not talking on the cell phone, I loaned it to Jr., remember?
No name given

1. "You're not going to believe this Mr. Rickard, but Casper is why I'm here too!"
2. "Honey I wrecked the car, but I found Grandma's kitten."
3. "But honey, I thought it was Pam Anderson."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Cheryl writes abou the "Casper" one: "I know you said you're not fond of inside jokes, however I thought this was funny and maybe you will too." Actually I LOVE the inside jokes, I just almost never pick them as winners for various reasons. And yes, I did think this one was funny. Also liked the kitten one.

1. "I don't know if it's a ficus."
2. "My name is Brian Spears, not Brittany!"
3. "Yes, I would like to report a Big Foot sighting."
4. "Officer, I only had one six pack."
George Cornett, Greensboro
It's too late now, but after rereading the "Bigfoot" sighting one again, I think I missed a runner-up contender.

1. I just realized something trees are much stronger than metal.
2. I just ran into a tree bent my convertible in half but I can't figure out why I haven't been thrown from my car?
3. It's amazing as hard as I hit the tree I still have a phone signal.
4. This is not a good way to remove leaves from trees.
5. Can you believe that this tree jumped out in front of me?
Team Walter

"Sorry honey, no matter how hard I try, I still can't get the cat out of the tree."
"Thats the last time I'll let your mother work on the brakes."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
Some good ones Frank. Unfortunately, they got here too late to be considered.

1. "Quick, sell all my Acme Brake stocks!"
2. "No dear, you're not distracting me. I'm just doing a little bird watching."
3. "What caused the accident? I fell asleep while on the phone!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

SNAIL MAIL
1. "Can you hear me now?"
2. "yes, I'd like to add collision insurance as of today."
3. "But the GPS said 'turn right now!'"
4. "Hey Mom, I overslept. Where's my car?"
5. "Oh, hi Dad, may I speak to Mom?"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Am I covered."
Deborah Bird, Summerfield

"But Honey, if we lived in Greensboro, This wouldn't have happened."
Jeff Pegram, Elon

"Let me get back to you about the citizen's right to use their cell phone while driving and thanks for the car loan -- it has tree-mendous acceleration."
Paul Stewart, Greensboro

"As I was saying..."
Burt bennett, Greensboro

"Maybe I should take up music like those other 'Crash Test Dummies.'"
"I ought to look out for the tree trunk when I go watching the leaves turning color."
Max Harless, High Point

"Hello, Onstar? There's a glitch in your directions to the Oak Tree Inn."
Bill Wallace, High Point