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THIS WEEK'S CARTOON

gamecolor.jpg

In case it isn't clear in the drawing for this week's cartoon, the kids are playing a video game their Mom gave them. What is it? You tell me.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

dogtaxidermycolor.jpg

What? No Leona Helmsley gags? After a lackluster week last week, you guys bounced back with some doggone funny stuff. Seriously, there's at least a half-dozen of you who missed being included in the runner-ups by not much more than a coin toss. Thank goodness for the blog, though.

WINNER
...his favorite pose? I guess it would be sniffing his butt.
David Theall, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"No Mister Funny-Man....I WOULDN'T rather just bury him in the yard"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"The family will take it from here. You know how we love to bury stuff."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"...but when HE was trapped at the bottom of the well, who came running? Nobody!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Can you seat him at a poker table."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Several people attempted the famous painting "dogs playing poker" angle, but this one did it most succinctly.

"Show his teeth, I want to surprise the mailman."
George Cornett, Greensboro

THE REST
"No...I DON'T know what happened to his thigh bones..."
"Do you think the Falcons jersey is a bit over-the-top?"
"Would it be wrong to include the mailman's leg in the pose?"
"Close 'de Door...s'all-right...s'all right!"
"Ok...so when you lift the lid I want it to play "Who Let The Dog's Out" Can you do it by 5?"

Bob Mannary, Greensboro
I really liked the thigh bone one. Lots of weird implications.

"I know she was a chihuahua, but could you make her look more like Lassie?"
"Stuff him with candy. His Master is going to use him as a pinata."

KEN LAYTON, Carthage

1) "He had no idea they were testing that hydrant."
2) "This is what happens when you catch the car you are chasing."
3) "You are a taxidermist, so what's with the coffin."
4) "I begged him not to go into bomb sniffing."
5) "We could've saved him but we thought he was just playing dead."
6) "The lesson here is you shouldn't be a drug sniffing dog if you have a monkey on your back."
7) "And then the lady ran into a tree."
8) "Scooby didn't know that his Scooby snacks were made in China."
9) "His last words were rut row."

Joel Clark, Greensboro
Numbers 1 and 5 were strong contenders

I know he's just a mutt, but is there any way you can make him look like a Great Dane?
David Theall, Greensboro

1) "He caught bird flu from Woodstock."
2) "It's bound to happen if you sleep on top of an A-frame."
3) "Who would have thought that Charlie Brown was involved in dog fighting?"
4) "He chased the "Gravy Train" right into the street." ( showing my age )
5) "Never assume it's a Frisbee if you are in Iraq."
6) "Poor Old Yeller! He was just brushing his teeth and his owners panicked."
7) "A sad ending! He should have never installed that sliding glass doggie door."

Joel Clark, Greensboro
Some good stuff here.
Re: #4, I remember those commercials too, so you can't be that old. I'm only ... uh ... maybe you are old.

My fee is to be paid in bones. Pay promptly and this ... won't be dug up.
Could you position him to ... beg.
I am in mourning and your asking me what?!
Tacky I admit...but, he stuffed himself to death.
Isn't is a bit ironic that your hiring me to bury the goods?!!

Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I never realized how fond I was of Fluffy until she was gone."
"Hey, I keep you in business by draggin' in this roadkill!"
"Michael Vick made me do it!"
"I can't help it; I'm a retriever!"
"Why can't you restuff all my squeak toys?"
"I've always thought 'play dead' was an awful command!"
"Yes, I'm the last of my litter, but they're feeding me food from China!"
"Yes, I guess she was on her ninth life, and I'm stuffing her before she can come back!"
"Is this the taxi? I really need to get to the vet for my skin problem!"

Kris Voy, Trinity

"I don't need a lunch break today, boss. I'm already stuffed."
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Can you take 10lbs off, broaden the shoulders and make him look a little more like Spuds Mackenzie?"
Brian Baxter, Greensboro

You say you stuff annoying animals, but you left "Barky" alone??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Well, you may have done TOO well. He was neutered."
"Who would have thought Bob Barker could have done THIS?"
"Well, he finally took too big of a bite out of crime."
"He was caught sprinkling the lawn."
"I think Mr. Bojangles will be grieving for more than twenty years after this."
"Thanks for squeezing him in after Michael Jackson."
"None of the others would take care of him after Shaggy got busted for possession."
"This is nice, but we were just thinking about using a shoebox."

Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

Put her away nice she's all I got...
Bobby Moore, Greensboro

"He was flattened by a car! Can you fill him out a little?"
"Can you make him look like Rin Tin Tin?"

Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"But, what about the tire marks?"
P. Keeten, Jamestown
I liked this one

I should get a big discount. He's already in his favorite position.
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

"Do you think a frisbee in his mouth would be tacky?"
"I don't have anything funny to say due to the writer's strike."

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Three good ones, Brandon (see runner-up)

1. He always had one leg up on everyone.
2. I'd prefer him in the begging position, please.

Rosemary Keever, High Point

"No,no,no....thats the cat; my husband is still on Lawndale!"
Jamey Rymer
Jamey says "See,her husband was chasing a cat and they both got nailed. I wanted to say 'is still bloating on Lawndale,' but you know...!!"
Actually, I like "bloating..."

"I want him stuffed so I can remember him the way he was and he was full of it!"
"I want to remember him as he was and he was full of it!"
"Spike was my third husband. I'm trying to collect an entire set."
"I'm trying to collect an entire set."
"Are you surprised that I can talk?"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

I need something to stop my coughing..Not to stuff a coffin
How about a trash can? ... My friend always loved playing with garbage!
Please tell Bucky ... We can't accept his offer to stuff us for thanksgiving

Joe Siernos, Greensboro

"So natural" He was always good at playing dead"
"I'll have the bones to-go"
"He loved to chase cars. You did a great job on the tire tracks"
"Can you stuff him with the back left leg lifted?"
"No, sorry. All dead cats look alike"
"Do me this favor. His mother can see him like this"
"Her owners admit she was overfed. Now they want to know how much oil would be recovered if she were rendered?"

Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Shouldn't the parrot be face up?
2. Shouldn't she be face up?
3. That really is not his best side.
3. Who are pallbearers for this casket, Chipmunks?
4. Who are pallbearers for this casket, midgets?
5. How come you never stuff cats and hang them on the wall?
6. If I prepay my funeral can I have Chipmunks for pallbearers?
7. You're charging $5,000 for this? You should be wearing the mask!

Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. the casket is nice,but it is to good for that bitch chasing hound!
2.good job, but that's not my duke!

Larry&Jean Lemons

"But did you Have to cut off his pointer??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I think Lassie was trying to tell us something."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

1. can i trust you? the last guy i dealt with Bates something was a little off centered.
2. he just had to fetch.
3. he was always full of something.
4. make sure you put a bone in his mouth that was his last request.

Stacey Phifer

1. chasing his tail in the middle of the street was never a good idea.
2. what i 'd like for you to do is preserve Russell's eyes

Stacey Phifer

"Is there any way to hide the Bad Newz Kennel tattoo?"
Dave Crawford, Greensboro

"I don't know what I'll miss more; his bark or his bite."
Dave Crawford, Greensboro
I liked this one.

"I realize he's a Shar Pei, but couldn't you do something about the wrinkles???"
Dave Crawford, Greensboro
Nice

The taxidermist is our preparer......surely milkbones and firehydrants shall follow him.....amen
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. "Do you have anything in a bone shape?"
2. "Will he be able to breathe in there?"
3. "Do you speak Heinz 57 mutt?"
4. "Good thing he's a daschund, I need a new draft dog."

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "Will stuffing get that tire print off his face?"
2. "He was a seeing-eye dog until that truck hit him."

George Cornett, Greensboro

"Oh, yes, it IS very nice...but, I think I'll stick with the "mount 'em and stuff 'em" method."
Tom and Rita Lewandowski, Oak Ridge

"I tried to tell him that he was too old to learn new tricks."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
A contender for runner-up

"Actually, he wasn't a pointer..."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Did you Have to include the white outline from the road??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Could you read a passage from 'Lassie, Episode 4'? It was his favorite."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Good one

"I'll only need the coffin for the funeral. After that, we'll want Huckleberry posed in the foyer."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"I know Man was dog's best friend, but are you Sure I'm not in the will?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mr.Mann, I know you were his best friend, but couldn't you have given him One day off from fetching your slippers and the newspaper??"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Bud didn't want you to know, but it really bothered us that you kept giving our children away."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Another runner-up contender

"We need to postpone the service until his 6 friends arrive from Vegas. The Poker Tournament ends today."
"Benji was so hoping to make at least one more poker tournament. I should have known those cigars would kill him."

Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Good idea, but needed to be less wordy. See runner-up in this category

"Can we wait one more day? All his family is flying in from Baskerville."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Yes, Bingo was his name. B. I. N. G. O."
"Yes, Bingo was his name....oh. B. I. N. G. O.....do you need me to repeat it?"

Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
I would have really liked the first one if we just left off the spelling part. I don't feel it added anything more to the gag and cost it some of it's punch.

"Yes Mrs.Dawg, they shot the Sheriff, but they sware they didn't shoot Deputy."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Cathy writes "ok, this one may be a bit obscure..."
Paging Mr. Clapton and Mr. Marley ...

"I think McGruff finally bit off more than he could chew."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Cathy adds "you know...his motto: 'Help me take a bite out of crime.'"

"Mr.MacKenzie, it was Spuds' liver, wasn't it?"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro
Didn't need the "Mr. MacKenzie" part. It would have worked better without that.

1. "Can you remove the bumper from his face?"
2. "He was barking up the wrong tree."
3. "He and some of Keebler's elves were struck by some crazy driver that ran into a tree."

Stan Dymek, Greensboro
First two gags: nice. Number three: Nice inside joke on last week's cartoon.

"So you drive cabs and treat acne?"
"Squirrel missed the bird feeder this time. Now he's gonna be my victory trophy!"

Kris Voy, Trinity

"He had just retired after 20 years as an ALPO Taste Tester."
"We never realized there was so much cholesterol in ALPO."

Gray Amick, Greensboro

"The driver took out an owl, cat, squirrel, my sweet Henry, and ended up smashing into the Keebler tree taking out a few elves too!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
Another good inside joke on last week's cartoon

"Give me a Boston Butt to go please."
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

The pop-up fire hydrant is a nice touch.
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Can you give Tripod a forth leg?"
"I was afraid he might come back from the Pet Cemetary."

David Downing, Greensboro

"Any chance you could put him in the classic "The Thinker" pose?"
"Why is his leg lifted like that you ask? He died peeing on an electric fence."

matt sadler

SNAIL MAIL
"It beats the stuffing out of this."
James L. Davidson, Greensboro

"I did great taxidermy and you want to bury your pet. You insult my artistry, sir!"
Max Harless, High Point

"Apparently we misunderstood the organ donor program!"
Frank M. Freeman,Greensboro

Between you and me, I think that last "Why don't you go get stuffed?" may have done it.
Robert Wyrick, Greensboro
A late entry

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Comments (1)

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Bob Mannary said:

I still think the one about "Who Let The Dogs Out" was pretty darn funny! :-)

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