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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Oh, by the way, to everyone who wished me a happy Thanksgiving; Thanks. And I hope yours was a swell one too.

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Among the turkeys served up this week was this completely unexpected winner. Sometimes, you just have to go with your first response, and as goofy as it is, this caption is the only one that made us laugh out loud.
"Eat More Chicken" was the theme dujour, as well as China-related gags (I did one myself in GoTriad last week.)
Several of you picked up on the fact that the turkey was suggested by ben Franklin to be our national symbol.
One more interesting caption worth noting was a quirky turkey-Jedi gag from Brent Wooten. You'll have to read it yourself below.
And kudos to everyone who sent in captions about the turkey selling out other birds or animals, which is just inherently amusing.

WINNER
"As God is my witness, I had NO idea that SHE was your wife!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"...and that's where the rest of them are. But remember, I'm not the one who told you!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

Oh I'd say about 15 minutes a pound at about 350 degrees. Why do you ask?
J.J. Yu-Cook

"Do you really want to have me for the next week and a half?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Et tu Caleb?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Hey, I thought you guys were pacifists!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Don't you have some witches to burn?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE REST
"Dude, rabbits, over there, hundreds of rabbits!"
Andy Ralston-Asumendi

"My tryptophan will put you to sleep, but fish on the other hand ..."
"Please, Sir, my wife has six eggs and one on the way."
"I didn't get a fair trial of my peers."
"I want to see my lawyer about an appeal."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE
Liked the reference to tryptophan.

No, really, I am a chicken - it's the steroids!
Paul Zurav, Greensboro

1) "look, you do this now and you'll be setting a precedent that could last for YEARS"
2) "Let's take a second look at this "National Bird" idea...."
Ric Hase

1. Have you seen my cousin? He's huge!
2. Do what you must but please don't fry me.
Des Laffan, Summerfield

"Do you what you want, but tomorrow you'll just be fat and sleepy!"
"Eat More Chicken!" (Not spelled incorrectly to honor copyright law)
"Where's the beef?"
"Could you show me the way to the buffet?"
"That's right. I'm the only cannibalistic caterer in the New World!"
"Help! I'm being chased by a bunch of men in tights!"
"Don't you want to see what else is on the buffet?"
"Let me axe you somfin'..."
"For the last time, I'm not a Jive Turkey!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Whoa, wait a minute...you want a free-range turkey. They're over there."
"Whoa, wait a minute.you want a Butterball turkey. One just went that way."
"Where is your heart? My family is right over there."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1) "Did you hear, big dinner party today? So what's with the ax ?"
2) "Wait, wait, did I hear the phone ? It could be the president."
3) "No really, chicken is a lot healthier for you."
4) "Eat more chicken."
5) "I bet you wouldn't do this if I was one of those" Pretty Boy Eagles".
Joel Clark, Greensboro

HOLD ON A MINUTE ! LET ME SHOW WHERE THE GEESE HANG OUT.
BOB KOLLAR, GREENSBORO

"Eat Mor Chikin!"
Julie Gentile, Oak Ridge

" I was imported from China!"
" I was imported from China and they painted me this color!"
Todd McDade, Greensboro

Don't make your wife slave over a hot stove. Come to my place; let's watch the Lions and Cowboys games.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"I have it on good authority that the Indians prefer ham."
"You're looking for Fat Tony? He's hiding over there."
"Put that axe away Miles Standish!"
"Can't this wait until after the Lions game?"
"You don't want me. Just look how tiny this wing is."
"I'd recommend Tom. He's at least this wide."
"Killing me won't do you any good; you don't even have a mouth."
"Eating me will only make you sleepy."
And for the best turkey-Jedi caption:
"This isn't the turkey you are looking for." (Said while using the
turkey's best Alec Guinness impersonation)
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Really!! You're too late! Hear the Christmas music???"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"Oh,you're gonna go kill the pigs? ... I'll have mine with an apple in its mouth."
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

"Uh ... Why are you looking at me with that sick twisted smile on your face?"
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

"Ok man,I have 9 lives to spare,and I'm not gonna give 1 to you! 'Cause I'm lke a cat! rarrrr!"
Mackinley Scaggs, Greensboro age 10

1) Just for once, I would like to have a Thanksgiving where your
relatives don't comment about how nice my decapitated roasted corpse smells.
2) I had the flu last week, so you got to ask yourself, "Do I feel lucky?"
3) For my last meal I would like bread crumbs, celery and onions please.
4) My last request? Don't use the canned cranberry sauce.
5) Would it kill you to hang around some vegan Indians?
6) Yeah, I'm "Tom Turkey"!....Who's axing?
Matt Cravey

"Don't you know you should, Eat More Chicken."
"Vegetables are much more healthy for, You and Me."
Joyce Mantooth, Julian

"Threaten me and I'll contact my lawyer!"
Sebastien LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I'll taste better if you brine me!"
Dennis LaJeunesse (Jr.), Greensboro

"Wait! Spare me and I'll take you to the dwelling place of the Tur-duck-en!"
Amy LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I think you want the free-range turkey-he went that way."
"I think you want the Butterball turkey-he went that way."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"I'm telling you, he's much bigger and tenderer and juicier!"
"I think that this whole "Thanksgiving turkey" thing is way overrated. How about that big juicy pig?"
"If you can just be patient there is a beautiful butterball right down the street!"
"I really wish I had taken those flying lessons."
"Why don't you go sharpen your ax and I'll find out where all those other turkeys have gone!"
"Whaddya mean I drew the short straw?"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

Hey, you, in that cheesy Pilgrim suit! Don't you know that Ben Franklin has proposed that "I" should be designated the National Bird? Go ax an eagle!
Jack Upton

"Did I tell you I was raised on feed imported from China?"
Eileen Thiery, Stokesdale

"Tom went thataway"
Nancy Collie, Reidsville

"Yes, indeedy! Eat More Chicken!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"So you see, there are MANY benefits to becoming a vegetarian!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

Have you Read "The Purpose Driven Life"?
Pat Cambareri Greensboro, NC

"Hey pilgrim, start Thanksgiving without me, I'm not history yet."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Moo,moo...the turkey went that way."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"Pilgrim, let's talk turkey"
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

He went that a way, Pilgrim!
A. Roberts, Jamestowm

Hey, you, in that cheesy Pilgrim suit! Don't you know that Ben Franklin has proposed that "I" should be designated the National Bird? Go ax an eagle
Jackie Upton, Greensboro

"I'm a bald eagle. This is just my Halloween costume."
"Uh, which way to the all-you-can-eat turkey buffet?"
"May I be excused? I have to go to the bathroom."
"Didn't I see you on America's Most Wanted?"
"Hey, go take a look! Pocahontas is bathing behind Plymouth Rock!"
"Honest...Mrs. Smith's pies are Buy One, Get One Free down at the market!"
"Whoa, dude! There's a twenty-pounder right beyond the next hedge!"
"What I wouldn't give for a nice plump ham right about now!"
"It's true... no Thanksgiving this year. Haven't you seen all the
Christmas decorations out already?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

1) No really, it's called Tofurkey. You'll love it!
2) Dinner tonight? Yea, sounds great.
3) Hey the game's just started, Patriots up by 3 (ok just stay calm and get the axe out of his hand).
4) Hey look it's Mary Rowlandson!
5) Let's go eat some corn, or as the Indians call it "Maize."
J.J. Yu-Cook

i hope you are going to chop some stove wood to cook your Thanksgiving roast.
i have a disease called turkeylitus and i hear its deadly to humans on contact
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"I have a wife and 7 kids! Then again, when it's your time to go..."
"Please spare me. I have a wife and 7 kids! On second thought..."
"How about I make you a nice chicken dinner?"
"Ya know turkey is quite dry. However, duck...succulent!"
"There's been a recall on turkey...cough...cough."
"I could go for some roast beef myself."
"I'll just make you sleepy."
"Oink, Oink, Oink!"
"Now is a good a time as any to become vegetarian."
"Let me inform you on the health benefits of veganism."
"Your nickers are fitting kinda tight. You could stand to lose a few."
"You could stand to lose a few pounds."
"If you become vegetarian, your lifespan will increase...mine too!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

No really! The Native Americans really do eat ham for Thanksgiving!!! I promise!!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Hey, did you hear? The CDC says you can get avian flu from eating turkey!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No sir! That wasn't me gobbling at 5am this morning!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No, I'm not the turkey, he is the pig guy with the short curly tail rolling in the mud, over there.
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Hey mister? Can you help me? There is a half naked guy chasing me trying to get my feathers! Uh, what are you doing with that ax?
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

No, I'm not the turkey, he is the pink guy with the short curly tail rolling in the mud, over there.
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"Bartholomew! Thank god I found you; you won't believe what they're doing to my brother!"
Ashton Maddox, Reidsville
I liked this one

"Hey, I'm not gonna be history"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

I'm not a Turkey, I'm a Republican!
I know I look plump, but it's all water weight!
Hey, the Indians have invited you to their barbeque & said to tell you they really don't want their land back.
David S. Crawford, Greensboro

"ME?!?!? Have you SEEN Tyler's Report Card?!?!?"
"Did you get a gander at the breasts on THAT one!"
"Hurry...I think that ship of yours is leaving without you!"
"I think your ship just hit a rock!" (BaDoomBoom!)
"Can We All Just Get Along?!?!?"
"Look! Look! Elvis...I Swear!!"
"OK...but possible side effects could include, diareaha, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, bloating, constipation, and erectile dysfunction so it's up to you..."
"It's Lassie!!! She's fallen down the well!"
"QUICK...Your wife just killed a Keebler Elf!"
"Seriously...he was about THIS tall, wearing a feather headband, and he said your outfit looked silly!!"
"What's Big And Green and goes "Gobble Gobble? Turkey-Saurus Rex! RUN!"
"You could probably stand to DROP a few pounds if you ask me..."
"You know...the Swans over there can hold more stuffing!!"
"Why do Pilgrims pants keep falling down? They have their buckles on their hats!"
"The sign said "Eat More CHICKEN"!!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Look, O.J., I was just selling some of your old belt buckles, OK!"
C. L. SUMPTER, High Point

1. Hey, didn't you hear.............I just got the Presidential pardon!
2. Hey, look up! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
Rosemary Keever, High Point

"I don't want to be killed by a guy with no mouth!"
Jake Keever (age 11), High Point

"Let's no lose our heads over this!"
"Fly? No I can't fly. Why?
"I'll give you two of my frozen cousins and no one the wiser"
"Can't dance? I can teach you the Turkey Trot"
"Do you shave with it?
"Nice shoes. Where did you get them?
"You don't want me. I'm sick. I am all dark meat. I eat tofu. I have 12 wifes and 150 kids....
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Honest! Thanksgiving is over. Don't you hear the Christmas music??"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

1) "Don't make me call PETA."
2) "You don't want to do that. I've got a bad case of E coli."
3) "You should wait, in a few years they will invent deep frying."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1) "Shall I bring the stuffing?"
2)"So help me, this is just a costume I'm wearing!"
3) "The really BIG Gobblers went thataway..."
4) "Wait here a minute and I'll show you the Turkey Trot!"
William Beerman

"Look, braniac, I'm a turkey not a 'chikun'. And quit believing what you hear on those cow commercials!"
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

I'm telling you, your guests want wild Salmon.
Hey, I thought you guys became vegetarians on the Mayflower.
Jon Barsanti

I know your new here...so the bird that quacks over there is the turkey!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

now i know how oj feels. or, you cant eat me, i have been recalled.
mike atkins

"Off the set, Bub--writers' strike."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"He went that way!"
"I don't think you want a Chinese turkey...not this year."
Stan Dymek, Greensboro

"McDonald's is that way."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

1. O.k. look that thing I said the other day, I was just kidding.
2. Are you coming to get the guy who killed my cousin?
3. Look up the road is a Plymoth-Bojangles.
4. Wait! There is the new thing called a Food Lion up the road you moght want to check out.
5. I had some work done a couple of years ago you dont want me.
6. Let's go to the shed..., FOR WHAT???
Stacey Phifer

Don't I get the right to choose? This is America!
Alane Riley, Greensboro

"My brother over there is twice my size."
" You did not get the pardon signed by the President?"
" Today's my birthday."
"Let me show you the pre-cut frozen section."
"Do I look happy to you? Your neck is not on the line."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1) "There is no need for that. With gas prices the way they are nobody's going to show up anyhow."
2) "There's a pig over there that's telling everyone you wouldn't dare eat him ."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

(1) Remember what the cows say--"Eat more chikin".
(2) The first WHAT?
(3) My cousin,Tom, is much fatter than me.
(4) Wait 'til the SPCA hears about this!
(5) The wood pile is over there.
(6) Listen, Mr. Smith, this family dinner idea will never catch on.
(7) They're gonna stuff what? Where?
(8) I thought you were a vegetarian.
(9) Does Pocohantas know about this?
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

1. Haven't you heard? Eat more Chicken.
2. What would rather have, a full stomach or a talking turkey?
3. Don't look at me President Bush is sending me to Disney World.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Thanks....giving?? I will give Thanks if your giving that other bird the axe!!
I am a meager dinner for four....that bird over there is dinner for eight!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Eet mor chiken"
"Eet mor beaf"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"Hold up, I want to go to the feast too."
Haley LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Pilgrims, don't you know that Thanksgivinging Day has been designated as National Vegetarian"s Day?
Henry Peraldo, Greensboro

"Now my cousin George, well he weighs 3 pounds more than me....He went that away."
"Help! Somebody call PETA!"
"I guess I should have called Jenny Craig sooner."
"Your ax was made in China...Its been recalled."
"I'm serious, it was in the News & Record...A vegetarian Thanksgiving."
"Avenge me, children!"
"Chinese take-out or pizza delivery? My treat. I insist."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

" .. And that is the story of the first Vegetarian to sail to America"
"Beef. It's what's for dinner!"
"Who you callin' a turkey?"
Cee Duncan, Greensboro

"If you're traveling this holiday the trading post is selling oats for $2.95 a bushel."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"If you're traveling this holiday the trading post is selling oats for $2.95 a bushel."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I was only kidding when I said you wore ladies stockings!"
"I wish you HAD sailed off the edge of the earth!"
"I have bird flu!"
"When you said you were having turkey, I thought you meant Columbus!"
"How about I make you a nice roast duck!?"
"I'm not a turkey, I'm an ugly peacock!"
"Let's eat at Joe's like the sign says!"
"Don't kill me, take my wife!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"No, I'm pretty sure that the recipe reads Ham & dressing!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Then there's Tommy, my littlest...he wants to grow up to be a doctor...Pilgrim willing..."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Fourteen Pilgrims and 12 Indians just walked by hauling the Biggest turkey I've ever seen...they'll Laugh if you bring me!!!"
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Honest, they just went running that way, screaming "HAM!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) "Pick George over there! He's been working out!"
2) "But I am starring in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade!"
3) "You don't want me. I have Mad Turkey disease."
Ken Keever

"Don't you recognize me? President Bush pardoned me this year."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Don't you recognize me? The White House pardoned me."
Marsha Elam

"There's a Pre-Thanksgiving Sale at J.C. Puritan."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"If you hurry you can make Trudy Wade's cartoon casting call."
"Whoa, wait a minute.I just here for Trudy Wade's cartoon casting call."
Marsha Elam

I'm here for the casting call. I heard the new city council to record the minutes in cartoon format."
Marsha Elam

"So, that's why you just giggled everytime I asked you if you thought I was gaining weight!"
Michael Pearce, Reidsville

Do you have any idea what you are starting?
Better hurry the Mayflower is pulling out.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

SNAIL MAIL
"I know where you can catch a fish this big!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Kill me and you'll be eating left-overs for a week!"
Bill Wallace, High Point
Another good leftovers gag, but it got to me too late due the early deadline.

SOME MORE LATE ENTRIES:
"But Sally over there is tender, she never works out!"
"Do I look like a tree? There's the tree over there."
Frank Freeman

"Deal or no Deal?"
Mary B. Hamilton, Archdale

"The really big turkeys are over there."
"I heard some turkeys gobbling over there!"
"Follow me, I'll show you where the hams are!"
Donna Voy, Toledo Iowa

"Hurry up, I'm beginning to flutter."
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe NC

"But I'm invited to an indian feast!"
Gail Frazier, Greensboro

"Say it ain't so!!"
"What chopping block?"
"I'm invited for dinner?"
Constance Wheatley

1. "First you have to try my Uncle Sander's fried chicken."
2. "Go see Goliath. I'm scrawny next to him!"
3. "But Indians think turkeys are sacred!"
4. "Be thankful for corn, we will be thankful for us."
5. "See, we all have bird flu." (cough everybody cough)
6. "Hurry, come see the Indians worship their great turkey god."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"And then Tim Rickard picks a winner, so if you say something really clever, we BOTH could be famous!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Absolutely. After all, this contest has had its share of turkeys - Thank you and goodnight, everybody! Enjoy the buffet, don't forget to tip your waitresses!