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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

My random ramblings for this week:
Once again we have better than usual entries over all (Go on, give yourselves a hand) creating the largest "short list" ever.
Another snail-mailer goes hi-tech. Way to go, Nancy.
Thankfully, no one went for the record of most entries in a week.
Quite a few of you found a metaphor here for Greensboro's traffic problems. All amusing, but none stood out from the others.
However, they all got their own category below.

WINNER
"GPS??!! Just follow the guy ahead of you!"
Scott Romine, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
The Queen is ovulating. Get in line, buddy!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
One judge wanted to pick this for winner.

"Don't worry, I checked their papers. They're legal."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I swear if you hum one more verse of The Ants Go Marching..."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Chrissy Biagiotti, Greensboro

"I tried to tell you-The sale started at 4 AM!"
"KPBA"
No name or address, only this cryptic username.

"A caterpillar has turned over on the cloverleaf and stopped all traffic."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

"It's not Global Warming, it's that kid with the magnifying glass again."
Joel Clark, Winston-Salem

GREENSBORO TRAFFIC-RELATED JOKES
1. The traffic on Branch 40 is out of control.
Stacey Phifer

" Seriously, I'm switching to FOX. Jennie Stencel thinks reporting traffic is one big joke."
Chrissy Biagiotti, Greensboro

LOOKS LIKE I 85 AT I 40.
Bill Smith

Pileup on Interleaf 40.....caterpillar overturned.
Ric Hase
get it? Interleaf 40? VERY close to one of the runners-up. And they arrived at about the same time. It boiled down to: I like cloverleaf better that interleaf.

Is this Bryan Blvd. & Inman Rd.? Where's the on ramp?
Joanne Groulx, Oak Ridge

"I hear there's going to be a big picnic at Battleground Park today at 12:30!"
Ben Atkinson, Greesnboro

Man, Bridford Parkway in Christmas traffic!! Are you out of your mind?
Ray Burton, Eden

"These lines at K & W just keep getting longer and longer."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
Sounds like you're speaking from experience, Frank

So Painter Blvd. opened at the airport.
Randy Breedlove

Are they EVER going to finish Painter Boulevard?
J. C. Winkler

"Typical Wendover on a Saturday night."
George Cornett, Greensboro

"Waitiing for Painter Blvd is NOT an option!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I guess FED EX just landed"
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"I'm telling you Al, the traffic here is as bad as Wendover at Rush Hour."
Jennifer Bingaman, Summerfield

THE REST

"We've got plenty of time. I slipped the grasshopper a mickey."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

1.) "We've have to hurry up. Here comes that kid with the magnifying glassagain!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
Also close to another runner-up, but the other one was slightly shorter, and managed to include global warming

"The Christmas lights at the Miller's must really be something!"
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE
I liked this

"oh the guy on the leaf, he is the superintend ant"
Buz Rutan, randleman

"They ALL think they're lemmings?"
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

"So what if all the jobs are there? I'm not walking all the way to China!"
"They're all climbing the career ladder, while I get all the drudge work!"
"How about it? Wanna see who can pump the most manure?"
"We could play with their minds and walk backwards."
"Do you ever get tired of staring at one posterior thorax after another?"
"Call it burnout, but I'm kinda tired of the view!"
"What I wouldn't give for one little red fire ant to break the monotony!"
"I dare you to yell 'Fire Ant!' "
"How can we get to the kid's ice cream cone without the other ding-dongs following?"
"Frankly, all the sugar makes me hyper!"
"Since Doc put me on the Atkins diet, I just can't hang with these carb addicts anymore!"
"Everyone praises their unending diligence, but they're really just hopped up on sugar!"
" I gave Boss my notice. I'm blowing this joint to become a household pest."
"The work title is Household Pest, but it's got to be better than this joint."
Kris Voy, Trinity
The household pest one made the short list.

"We have to do something about #17. He spends half his life in the bathroom.
Paul Micka, Asheboro

"This over the river and through the woods trip to Grandma's gets longer every year"
Jean Harrington, Greensboro

This was your bright idea, "Let's go over the river and through the woods to Grandms's this year", you said.
Jean Harrington, Greensboro

One close up on "Animal Planet" and she acts better than us!
How many Carpenters does it take to raid a Keebler elves.....
If Roy or Dale sing "Happy Trails" one more time.....
My therapist says I have a food addiction....are we going for pizza?
Ponder this...We are anatomically stronger than humans, yet we are considered the bugs!
EWWW! ant 452 really needs to lighten up on the beans and garlic!
Dont you get tired of looking at butts and hauling goods all day?
Talk about the information highway! The Queen slept with a worker ...
Christine Keaton, Randleman
The animal planet caption was fun, but a bit off subject for the drawing.

"I'm feeling a little bit antsy!"
"We're trying to make a mountain out of a anthill."
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

Man, the traffic is just crawling out here today!
Larry Sigmon, Greensboro
Another short-lister. Loved the simplicity of it.

"Stop following me!"
"I joined the army to see the world but all I've seen so far is your behind."
"Can we switch places in line? I'm tired of the view."
"These parades are starting to look all the same."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
All of these were good, several made the short list.

"I am NOT lost"
Lyn Nieri, Summerfield
Also a short-list addition

"At least we aren't in a box, or are we?"
"My wife is the black on over there."
"I'm not sure but I bet if I was a little bigger I could lift a car."
"See these muscles, I can lift 50 times my weight"
"and then she said, why don't you just go jump under a magnifying glass."
" I'm working for the 'Queen'"
"I'm stickin' it to the Queen"
"I hate rush hour"
"I know the queen ant in the movie 'A Bugs Life'"
"I AM ANT, HEAR ME ROAR, IN NUBERS TO BIG TO IGNORE, AND I'M WAY TO HUNGRY FOR PLANT FOOD!" (BK commercial)
"The bees get all the credit for being busy."
" Busy as a bee my exoskeleton!"
"BIG MAC!!!!!!!!"
"The Big Mac is our version of Black Friday."
Park Groves, 13 Greensboro
Some good ones here.

"The problem is, if you get off on the wrong ramp, you'll never find your way back here!'
Ben Morris, Greensboro

1- Army Ants, Army Ants, that's all I ever hear!! Me, I'm joining the Air Force!!
3- Hey Buddy, no breaking in line!!
4- What's the big rush? The apple just started to rot this afternoon!
Ray Burton, Eden

1. Don't you just love a parade?!!
3. A marching we will go! A marching we will go!
4. Okay honey, now next time don't come back empty handed.
Joanne Groulx, Oak Ridge

"Are you SURE that this kitchen we are heading to really has an open bag of sugar??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Ok,you scream 'Syrup Spill' and point the other way, wait 5 minutes and I'll meet you at the original target."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"So you saw me across the way, our eyes met, and here we are...that was you, wasn't it??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Psssst...I know of a dirty kitchen not far from here. Want to get off the beaten path??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"They said 'Lead,Follow,or Get Out of the Way'...so I got out of the way...Now What??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I bent over to tie my shoes and when I was done all my family and friends were gone. Can I follow you?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

I'm tired of being a worker ant. Can I buy an educational lottery ticket?
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

So this is how they train us to stay the course.
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

Lets leaf this place.
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

Socialism is bad for us. We must bring democracy to our colony.
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey, you stole a cake crumb from me about a year ago!"
"Go ahead. I figure 150 of you can retreive a bread crumb without me."
"Hey buddy, get outta my way! I'm already late for a picnic!"
"Hurry up! There's a drop of Kool-Aid with my name on it!"
"Picnics are great! You can fill up and ruin someone's date all at once."
"So what if I'm in your way! I'm not called Mike Tysant for nothing!"
"Get outta my way before I open up a can of Raid on your behind!"
"I know you're not implying that the Queen doesn't belong to just me!"
"I still say Adam Ant can take Superman with 3 legs tied behind his back!"
"I'm fed up with your ANTics!!
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"The just sounded the picnic alert!"
"Traffic looks terrible this morning. Back to you, Phil!"
"Some kid dropped a Skittle™. Tonight... we FEAST!"
"We just got a fresh roadkill alert."
"I'm done with this ratrace. I'm starting an ant farm!"
"I can't keep moving like this. I've got a wife and 300 larvae!"
"Oh yeah? Well I can carry a whole Saltine™ cracker!"
"They make it sound nice, but it's more like an 'Ant PRISON Farm'."
"I support the Queen's decision to call herself 'Latifa'."
"I never understood why her name was Aunt Bea. You can't have it both ways!"
"Next time the two-legged giant summons the Golden Flood, we should attack his Hose of Death!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Some good ones here. One or two made the short list.

Looks like another traffic jam on the cloverleaf.
David Theall, Greensboro
Nice. simple.

For a fire ant, you sure aren't showing much spark!
Sergeant, tell you platoon the picnic is in the other direction!
Run, we are being RAIDed!!
We have a problem. There are no pants on our ants.
"Antz" "Antz:. Enough! You only had a bid part!
Are we ants or grasshoppers?! Start marching double time!!
The queen worn me out. It's your turn.
Strong? We are all strong stupid. We're ants!
Run, the Queen and Anteater have joined forces!!
Run, we are being burned up by a kid with a magic glass!
What the rush! We can't escape the Tongue!
My grandkids, the little anthoppers, are coming over tonight.
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
Liked the fire ant one.

1. Raid!
2. Hey, you seen my twin?
Joe RIchardson, Asheboro
Ha.

"I tell ya Joe, these workers aren't what they used to be. I used to go a mile in an inch snow, an inch I tells ya! Now, just look at 'em.. that one over there can't even get off a leaf!"
Ashton Maddox, Reidsville

"Jack-knifed caterpillar up ahead-got everything backed up."
"It's like a dog-team, if you aren't the lead dog the view never changes."
"Seems a beetle rear ended a slug, so they've shut down traffic while Haz-mat cleans up the slime."
"Pheromones-schmeromones! I ain't getting that close to a total stranger."
"I wanted to get up and leave early to avoid traffic, but you just had to sleep in."
Alan Parrish, Archdale
Some good ones, the last one was a short-lister

"After hitting that chili competition, we should have been assigned gas masks!"
"Don't take the right fork. I heard there is a speed trap!"
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons

2. This traffic-Ant jam is ridulous
3. Where is this supposed bread crumb at anyway?
4. Move your A-N-T out of the way.
5. This Monday is gonna be just Great!
6. Dang I left my keys!
7.Why do I have to take the kids to school today!?
8.Don't we ever stop working?
9.Family reunion, I don't even know half of these fools!
10. Yes I take offense. We all Do Not look alike!
11.Hey, did you cut me off about 2 branches ago!
Stacey Phifer
the last one made the short list.

"The body's gone!"
"This is why I asked you not to call me 'Honey' in public."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Anty Em and Tow Tow say, "Just follow the sugar cube road!"
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Look at Jaspar standing up there going hup one hup two, he thinks he is a drill sargent.
If you try to break into this line one more time I am going to knock the 'P" out of you.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Dude, the Queen is cheating on you with EVERYBODY!"
"Atom Ant could beat Superman with three arms tied behind his back!"
"There's a road block ahead. It appears to be someone's foot."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

l. Oh when the ants go marching in, Lord how I want to be in that number when the ants go marching in.
2. I'm so proud, my children are ARMY strong.
3-Girlfriend, move right on along, there is only one Queen in my colony.
4. Hup two, three, four Keep it up,two, three, four Company sound off.
5. Hope there isn't a pot of hot fudge at the end of this trail!
6. Hi ho, Hi ho. It's off to work we go.
7. Old Mother Hubbard didn't know what to do, I say put them to Work.
8. Duh, they are carpenter ants because they build such elaborate tunnels and great nests for their Queen.
9. My children are strong they can and will move that rubber tree plant.
10. Children finish this job and you can play Ants in the Pants.
11. Birth control, no way, being Queen is as easy as eating pie.
12. Life could not be any sweeter, lying around and being catered to, what more could a Queen want.
12. My kids are smart they know how to line-up and follow orders.
Nancy Nelson
Welcome to the world of e-mail, Nancy

1. We need a Garmin.
2..Do we know any other game besides follow the leader?
3. Why don't folks love us?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1) "Is calling you by the wrong name really that big of a deal?"
2) "What do you mean I have six left feet?"
3) "I don't care if you do have 5000 PTA meetings, you're not getting off early."
4) "What do you mean you like to work alone?"
5) "Is this the line for Hannah Montana tickets?"
6) "How come the fact that we are twins never impresses anyone?"
7) "MY NEST, MY RULES!!!"
8) "How would you like a kick in the thorax?"
9) "Yeah right, like the queen would give you a second look?"
Joel Clark, Winston-Salem

It's time for the Osmond family picnic already?
J. C. Winkler

"Well I don't know. Rat race, Ant race, Human race.
Why is everyone in such a hurry??!!"
Lee Settle, Graham

1. "We have to be social, look where our noses are."
2. "Ever notice our butts look like Christmas bulbs?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "See the unmarked trooper on the right?"
2. "I hate five o'clock traffic!"
3. "Hurry, Santa dropped a candy cane."
George Cornett, Greensboro
Liked the simplicity of the 5 oclock traffic one. Short list.

"Hey Tiny, do you realize that we are in a glass container with some kid watching our every move?"
Mitch Poole, Nashville,TN

"Did you notice the curves on that cutie that just passed us??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do you know the way to San José ?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Numbers 4, 12, 18, and 22 are my children by my first wife."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
short list.

"See that ant on the top leaf?? That's my nosey mother-in-law."
"I am behaving because that is my mother-in-law on the top leaf."
"He thinks I can't see him, but that's my truant officer on the top leaf."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'm from the Dept.of Transportation; they want a cloverleaf here!"
"Don't you think a Cloverleaf might ease this traffic?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I keep having the feeling that someone is following me..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Cute

"Wonder if we'll be stopping soon?; I'm starving!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
Liked this one as well.

"Yes, black does make you look slimmer."
"Enough with your existential crisis."
Scott Romine, Greensboro

"...You mean ALL of us are trying out for 'Ant Misbehavin' '?!?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1.Hey, Are you talking to me?...You gotta be talking to me.
2. So what you want to do shorty?!!
3. Hey look! the queen asked me over yesterday.
Stacey Phifer

"If you yell RAID! just ONE More Time...."
"I'm not going out on a limb for you EVER again!"
"Will Work For Food Huh? Well here's your chance big boy!"
"THIS is what they mean by Will Work For Food!"
"Quit calling me Aunt Jemima!!"
"That was just WAY out of line!"
"Now's not the time to be independANT"!
"Slower Traffic Keep Right! How Many Times do we have to go over that?!?"
"You think this is congested...have you seen I-40 at 5?"
"HURRY!...Rickard Dropped a Twinkie!"
"It's left, left, left, right, right, right, HOW HARD IS THAT?!?!?"
"What do you mean you OVERSLEPT?"
"Stop asking me "Are We There Yet?" When we're there you'll know it!"
"Life is just one big picnic for you huh?"
"Great! You can't find 3 matching pairs of shoes and NOW we're going to be late!"
"Quit looking at my abdomen!!"
"I don't care if you CAN lift 20 times you're own weight I'm still your father and I'll take you OUT!"
"Quit singing "Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Work We Go!" It's getting on my last nerve!"
"OK...we'll shoot for it...odds or evens?"
"No you can't be rock, paper, AND scissors at the same time!!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ants go marching two by two, I know the song..."
"OK...you sing the 'Ants Go Marching part and I'll do the Hurrah Hurrah's"
"No...a sing-a-long WON'T help pass the time!"
"Oh Adam, quite being such a Goody Two Shoes!"
"No I HAVEN'T seen Secret Squirrel anywhere!"
"No Pedro...we're NOT heading to an Alien Ant Farm!"
"I am tired of hearing you behind me saying "You Want Fries With That Shake?!?!""
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Like the slower traffic kept right one. Short list.

"Let's skip work and catch a Grasshoppers' game."
Adam Levy, Greensboro

So, what do the kids want for Christmas?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"The aardvarks are stampeding!!"
David Downing, Greensboro

"We need a stop light"
"The FAA thinks they have it tough"
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"Follow the leader...follow the leader...Just once in a while, I'd like to play leap frog"
"I'm staying out of that line until those chili burritos wear off"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"Adam, you had an independent thought!"
Jacqueline Oates, Rock Creek

SNAIL MAIL
"Harry, you've just got to get a vasectomy!"
Fred Cotten, Greensboro
Liked this one. short list

"This is Ardvark Park, stupid! And You accepted the invitation to a picnic?"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Throw up a couple of toll-booths and we're set for life."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"I have no idea why they want to go to the flea market, but they are on their way."
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe, N.C.

"Why weren't we invited?"
"I thought they were your relatives."
Barbara Vestal, Greensboro

"I sure feel sorry for all of them because we were the only two picked for Noah's ark."
Max Harless, High Point