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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Ho, Ho, Ho-ly cow, what a lot of entries! Probably 80 percent of them were about Santa's weight, and you know what that means -- a lot of good jokes canceling each other out.
Tyler Mannary and Eli Oklesh asked Santa to win The Joke's On You. Sorry, maybe next year ...
A big shout out to Ms. Billips' class!
Bob Beitzel, obviously confusing Santa with Michael Jackson, contributed the funniest jokes ever to not win (read "FOR A MORE MATURE AUDIENCE SECTION)

WINNER
"Define naughty."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Nice, simple

RUNNERS UP
"All I want for Christmas is peace on earth. Nah, just messing with you. Gimme an Xbox!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I see I wasn't the only kid who left cookies out for you."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

What lap?!!!
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro
Also nice and simple

"Get any "jollier" and you're going to need a few more reindeer."
Meg Laffan, Summerfield

"Can we do this by email next year?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"All I want for Christmas is to get my caption on 'The Jokes On You'!"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro
Merry Christmas, Ben

FOR A MORE MATURE AUDIENCE
4.) "Santa, why do you smell like cough syrup?"
6.) "For the last time, I'm not pulling your finger!"
1.) "Who am I? I'm Chris Hanson's son and you're on 'To Catch a Mall Santa'."
2.) "I saw Mommy kissing you last night. Are you my real dad?"
3.) "I caught you with Mommy last night. You were doing a lot more than kissing!"
4.) "Santa, why does that bracelet around your ankle keep going off?"
6.) "Why do you keep asking me to play Find the Candy Cane?"
1.) "I want to be a baseball player. Can you score me some 'roids?"
2.) "Santa, why are you wearing mistletoe there?"
3.) "Did you just call my momma a 'ho'"?
6.) "Why do you keep telling me that you've been naughty?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but apparently my school principal isn't as comfortable with me being naked as I am..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but now I know NOT to bring anything from mommy's nightstand in to school for show and tell!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought putting the video on the internet would make mommy and daddy famous like Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee..."
"Guess I know where my candy cane is huh?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

THE REST
1-"Dude, where's your lap?" (Looks like Mrs. Claus needs to give you a gym membership this year!)
2-"In the interest of time, just give me your email address and I'll send my list to you."
Janet Pennell, High Point
Very close. Try a little briefer

"Hey Santa, have you ever seen that show, The Biggest Loser?"
"Wow, this is awkward. Look, we both no I'm not on the nice list this year, but..."
"OK, fine, I'll give you attitude adjustment, leaf raking and daily teeth brushing for Guitar Hero 3 for PS2. Deal?"
Chrissy Biagiotti

"Santa...all I really want for Christmas is to win 'The Jokes On You' just one time..."Tyler Mannary, Age 12 Greensboro
Sorry. Borrow one of your Dad's certificates.

"YOU AIN'T GOT NO LAP!"
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE
Close, but briefer still ...

". . .And, if I don't get all that, you'll hear from my lawyer."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Nice

"I don't want another sister like last year."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Also good

"My mom says that I have to apologize for peeing in your lap."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"OK, and for number 500, I really, really want a robot."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"But you don’t HAVE a lap!"
Bob Powell, Sophia

"Um...maybe I should just pull up a chair."
"What's the point? There is no way you are fitting down our chimney!"
"All I want is for you to call Jenny Craig."
Ed Fields, GSO

"Dude, where are you hiding your lap?!"
"If I sit on your lap, will they need to send in a search party?"
"I'd come up, but I don't see any room to sit!"
"Geez, I've gotta start putting out Triscuits for you, fat boy!"
"I'll see if my parents can widen the chimney."
"What is the lead-paint policy at your workshop?"
"Are the elves unionized?"
"Yes I have experience. I've worked for Kathy Lee!"
"My one Christmas wish is to actually WIN a 'Joke's on You' contest! I'm already the King of Runner-Ups!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"What do you mean you are all out of Wiis?"
Zagros Madjd-Sadjadi, High Point

Is global warming causing you to relocate your workshop?
No toys from China, please.
Joe Matthews, Greensboro

"I would sit in your lap, but I don't see it"
Todd McDade, Greensboro

Gezz, look's like Santa has been doing most of his shopping online."
Stacey Hwasser, Jamestown

2. Santa, cut out the ho, hos.
3. You are getting veggies and fruit on your plate this year.
4. Santa is there still room for the toys in your sleigh?
5. Elves ,help,Santa can't get out of the chair.
6. Will you be visiting the fat farm on your vacation this year?
7. You will never get down our chimney, please use the door.
8. Get a REAL job, you have too much time on your hands.
9. Santa, please join in the Reindeer Games, you need the exercise.
10. Do you make New Years Resolutions, I think you should???
11. That's not a bowl of jelly belly that's a pizza and beer gut.
12. Just belly fat, I don't think so.
13. If you want to cut the fat, just don't eat the cookies.
14. My dad can leave you his exercise equipment.
15. Your Reindeer must have strong backs.
16. I'm leaving you a gift certificate to a gym.
17. I hope Mrs. Claus, is giving you an exercise bike under your tree.
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

"Uh...what lap?"
"My mom said that this year she's leaving you SlimFast Bars and Bottled Water."
"You know that Pony my mom asked for when she was little and didn't get...well...if there's any chance that could happen this year then WE CAN ALL STOP HEARING ABOUT IT!"
"The alarm code is 3224...you're gonna need it..."
"The alarm code is 3224 and the pit bulls names are Killer and T-Rex...they're friendly...for the most part..."
"One Red Rider B.B. Gun please..."
(You'll shoot your eye out kid ...)
"Have you seen what Jenny's done for Kirstie Alley and Valeri Bertinelli?"
"I'd be happy to hop up on your lap...uh...where would that be exactly?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Couple contenders here

"I'll take anything you haven't outsourced to China."
"I'd skip the milk this year; Mom has switched to soy."
"I can't say I've been nice /all/ year but at least my name isn't in the Mitchell Report."
"It depends on what your definition of nice is."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Please don't give me coal! The milk and fruitcake is mom's idea!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Where....... ammm.... am I suppose to sit?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"...And then we talked about the stork. So if you could just tell me where the food court is..."
Marjhe Thompson

Are you the REAL Santa, 'cause you sound like you're from the SOUTH Pole?
JOAN LUX, GREENSBORO

"I got a little brother for Christmas last year. Can you take it back?"
"Mom says, if you cut back on the candy canes and increase the carrots, you'll be back in the sleigh in no time."
"Sit on your lap.. What lap?"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"DEFINE GOOD"
"WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT? YOU HAVE NO LAP LEFT."
"WE BOTH KNOW THIS IS FOR SHOW FOR MY PARENTS. I'VE ALREADY GIVEN THEM MY LIST."
MYLINDA PASCHAL, REIDSVILLE
First one is close to winner, but remember phrasing. "naughty and nice" are the catch words

We're going to need a bigger chimney!!
Eddie Whitman, High Point

Aren't I supposed to be sitting on your lap?
Vickie Cureton

Well, I WAS going to sit on your lap, but I can't seem to find it.
Marcia James, Jamestown

Can you deliver half to my Mom's House, half to my Dad's house, and another half to my Grama's house? We're doing the Christmas Shuffle.
Jon Barsanti

"Santa, the puppy that you gave me last Christmas ate my homework. Will you do it again for me?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You'd better have Rudolph on a tight fitness regime."
"Jeepers Mr., Should I leave cookies this year or just a Big Mac?"
"We're gonna need a bigger chimney."
"That elf over there told me to sit on your lap, but i see there isn't any available space."
"Maybe I should just sit on the floor."
"I see you're familiar with the Keebler Elves as well."
"It seems that coat is doubling as your gift sac this year."
Meg Laffan, Summerfield

( Santa says) "What do you mean, 'how many calories do i take in each day'!?"
(kid says) "My mommy's a dietitian. Here's her card."
(Santa says) "Look kid, you're stare's creepin' me out."
jamie biagiotti, (10), Greensboro

"Sit on yor lap and tell you what I want for Christmas? I would if I could find it, Slim!"
Val Boston III, Greensboro

"Santa, all I want for christmas is my two front teeth."
2)"Santa I will remember to put extra carrots out for you this year."3)"I want a pony, a soldier, and for you to get on a diet!"
4)"I highly doubt that i will get a cell phone for christmas, put it makes me feel better if I ask."
5)"I usually ask for the weight lifting set, but this year I think you need it more."
6)"Santa, I think you lost weight....NOT!!!
Tyler Mannary, age 12, Greensboro

Santa, Is it true that Starmount Company is going to lay you off?
David Moff, Greensboro

1. So let me guess you'll running a little late.
2. So what are people leaving out for you, steaks instead of cookies
3. Yo Santa stap out of it.
4. Do you have my present tucked inside of your suit?
5. It must have been a tough year for you,
6. So how many raindeer is it this year?
7.O.k. let me make this simple, and not stress you out.
8.Oh, I am so sorry that Mrs. Clause left you.
9. You get me the bike and I'll give you mom's old slim fast
Stacey Phifer

"Overheard Mom say something about getting to my house on that new Gastric ByPass that just opened, but I still think straight down Friendly is faster."
Becky Woodrow, Summerfield

"Isn't it false advertising if there's no lap?"
"Cool! You look like a bean bag chair!"
"Cool! Do you feel like a bean bag chair, too?"
"I've heard of Naughty and Nice, but is there a Neutral?"
"Your throne wants an ejector button for Christmas!"
"Along with the go-cart, I'll go ahead and order roof repair."
"The food court must have improved."
"I see that Mrs. Claus asked for babies this year!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I came here to sit on your lap but I see that ain't gonna happen."
"I think we gonna need a bigger chimney."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"I'll leave a few rice cakes out instead of cookies this year."
"I'll put a key under the mat 'cuz I doubt you'll fit down the chimney."
"All I want is my 2 front teeth but I see you got your own problems."
"The Grinch didn't steal Christmas, you ate it."
"I guess sitting on your lap is out, huh?"
"John Goodman, is that you?"
"News 2 will have NO trouble tracking you on the doppler."
"If the Santa thing doesn't pan out, you can work as the Kool-Aid guy."
"The camera adds 10 lbs so it's okay if you wanna skip picture taking."
"You can't fool me. You're Michael Jackson in a fat suit."
"Will 9 reindeer be enough to pull the sleigh this year?"
"That movie you made with Vince Vaughn, sucked."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Liked the doppler one

Yo-Santa ...have you ever? heard of Weight Watchers,because there is NO Way I can Get On Your LAP!
Santa-where is the bag of toys?? Looks like you ate-em!!
Hey Santa I think you?have lost your HO HO HO!
YO Santa-Don't quit Now..jobs are really Hard To FIND!!!
Santa says: I am Ho Ho'd out so I have nothing left to give out.
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe, N.C.

1) MAMA always takes Pepto Bismol when she EATS TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!
2)My MAMA gets bloated a lot at Christmas?and she has PA to go get her some Pepto Bismol.
Helen J. Greene, Biscoe, N.C.

"Forget bb's I want a real gun"
"Should I put out low fat cookies this year?"
"All I want is to make sure I have Social Security when I grow up."
".and if you don't give me what I wanted there will be a surprise on your steps"
"fall I fant for Christmas fis fy fwo funt feeth"
"You look fatter from when I last saw you at Macys"
"All I want is a retiree plan when I get my job"
"I'm not naughty, your system has flaws"
"did you see me hit Tim for not picking my jokes?"
"I'm Jewish fatty"
"are your reindeer on a health plan?"
"can I have an ANT FARM?"
"is there a lot of congestion over the holidays?"
Park Groves-13, Greensboro

"You know...this would be easier if you had a website and an email address..."
"Sure I can set up a website for you Santa...not a problem."
"We'll get you a webcam and a domain name and you'll be all set..."
"OK...that covers Billy and Jessica next door...now let me tell you what my little brother has done this year to make the Naughty list..."
"Doesn't your sled have GPS or Satellite radio?"
"What do you mean you don't own www.santa.com?"
"You're making it a bit tough to swallow the whole 'I sneak down the chimney' concept."
"OK...so it's the night before christmas and what happens to my mouse?"
"So how exactly do those elves of yours manage to make a Playstation 3 out of wood?"
"I suppose a Ferarri is out of the question huh?"
"Jessica Simpson...S...i...m...p...s...o...n..."
"You know...I typed your name into Google before I got here and I really have to ask you about a few things before I even get NEAR that lap of yours..."
"Actually Santa I think I'm good...I already found everything on my list on eBay."
"My mom said that if I wanted a little brother for Christmas that I should ask you for it"Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Some more good ones

"No I WON'T just shoot my eye out!"
"Mrs. Claus must be one heck of a cook!"
"I bet it's tough for Mrs. Claus to surprise YOU on Christmas morning huh??"
"I'm wondering...is Keebler really the renegade he's made out to be?"
"I'm wondering...was Keebler fired or did he just decide to go into business for himself?"
"I'm sincerely SORRY about the Toilet Paper incident..."
"Let me start by saying that I honestly have a good explanation for all those things that might have gotten me a spot on the naughty list..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but my brother really, REALLY wanted the Super Glue and he couldn't reach it!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought my sister really LIKED my pet Boa Constrictor!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought the M-80 would help clear the bathroom pipes!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I honestly thought DISH soap should work in a DISHwasher!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought Whiskers would learn to LOVE the water if given the chance!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought Ol' Lady Winthorp was just faking it for the attention!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I had NO IDEA the apple had a worm in it!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I only put the dog poop in the bag...Billy's the one who set it on fire on the door step!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought the fountain would look festive with red water at this time of the year!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought he was kidding that his last name was Lipshitz!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but how was I supposed to know that it was a thyroid condition?"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but they really shouldn't put fire alarms where kids can reach them then!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but shouldn't they put that warning on the outside of ALL types of instant glue?"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought she'd be wearing underpants!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought Crystal Goblets would be stronger than that!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought my mom WANTED me to express my creative side!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought 1-900 would be the same thing as 1-800..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but if he didn't want me to find them he shouldn't have hidden them under his bed!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but he double-dog dared me so I honestly had no choice!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I didn't want him to slip off the seat again!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought Windex would keep her contact lenses cleaner!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought anything with wings should be able to fly!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but they LOOKED like Christmas Decorations so I hung them on the tree!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I figured there had to be at least SOME window of opportunity when you might not be watching!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but Britney Spears took a lighter without paying for it..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I just thought baking the cookies with FiberSure would help keep you healthy!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but Sally said it would be neat to have blonde hair..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but my dad's legs where just SO hairy..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I realize now that it's NOT funny to hide my Grandpa's teeth no matter what the occassion!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but neither one of us read the part about 'External Use Only'!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought the lock on the drawer was to keep things from falling out..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but shouldn't the label SAY that it's flammable?"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but it really DID look like a lemon Icee!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but even YOU have to admit it was kinda funny..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but the Reindeer really seemed to enjoy the burrito's and salsa I left out for them last year."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I realize now that Santa doesn't like to be left ExLax Squares as a midnight treat!"
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I'm sure my sister's hair will grow back...eventually..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but our car was kinda old anyway..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought you might give me points for originality and creativity..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but apparently my school principal isn't as comfortable with me being naked as I am..."
"It may have SEEMED naughty on the surface but I thought 'Welcome To The Jungle' would sound REALLY cool over the schools PA system"!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Snow..."
"Any chance you could make it snow!"
"It's Greensboro, North Carolina...how about some SNOW!"
"I promise I won't get nervous like I did last year and I'm really glad to see they were able to get the spots out of your suit..."
"I promise I have my bladder issues resolved this year..."
"I'm sorry about the suit...I was just nervous..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Wow, Santa -- You better use the front door."
Norma Kay, Greensboro

Momma says your full of magic ... Thats a whole lot of magic!!!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1) "Let's see you go by Kris Kringle, St. Nick, and Santa Claus. Just who's naughty list are you on?"
2) "Where exactly is your lap ? "
3) "Instead of toys, how about lending me an elf to help with my homework."
4) "I know it can be helpful , but a glowing red nose has to be a sign of major health problems."
5) "Let's just say if you want to see Rudolph alive again you will get my name off that naughty list."
6) "With energy prices the way they are, my dad says I should ask for the lump of coal."
7) "If you from the North Pole then why is everything you bring me made in China ? "
Joel Clark, Winston-Salem

"I'd like a Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii, Playstation 3, X-Box 360, PSP, Laptop, Plasma TV, i-Pod, i-Phone, Guitar Hero III, Call of Duty 4, Rock Band, and Halo 3. Don't forget all of the accessories.
Rosemary Keever, High Point

"Really?" "I would have never of thought you were a vegetarian"
Scott T. Smith, Mcleansville

1 "Looks like Santa has been a naughty boy this year."
2 "You can use the front door this year."
David Downing, Greensboro

I don't know why I here, I did not get anything I ask for last year..
Bobby Moore, Greensboro...

Are you the real Santa Claus? are should I look for another?...
Bobby Moore, Greensboro

"That home delivery thing you do is cool. But, have you ever considered direct deposits for those of us that just want cash?"
Michael Pearce, Reidsville
I liked this one

"I see sugar plums have been dancing in your head AND on your plate."
"Santa, why are you staring longingly at the food court?"
"No Santa, I don’t have any money to get you a cinnabon."
"I see Mrs. Claus bought The Big Book of Holiday Recipes."
"Forget about the train set I wanted and get yourself an abdominizer."
"You apparently do nothing until Christmas rolls around, huh?"
"I see you pay NO mind to those wanting you thin to fight child obesity."
"Finally! I missed you six times today cuz you were out to lunch."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Have you called Jenny Craig yet"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro
Barbara said this one was probably overused.
Well, the whole "Santa lose weight" concept was pretty well trod.

And I'm supposed to sit where?
Tami Miles, Thomasville

Have you ever considered sharing the milk & cookies with the reindeer?
Scott Robinette, High Point

Ummm Santa, am I supposed to try and sit on your lap or do you want me to just stand right here and tell you want I want for Christmas?
Olasegun Ademuyiwa, McLeansville

I see there is no room from me on your lap, so I guess I'll just stand right here and tell you what I want for Christmas.
Segun Ademuyiwa, McLeansville

5.) "Two words: Slim Fast. Think about it."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

1. I believe your gut has swallowed up my little sister.
2. Your reindeer are gonna have hernias this year.
3. With that gut, forget the cookies & milk. It's carrots and water.
4. Forget the chimney, the only door you can get through is the garage door.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Mama says I shouldn't talk to strangers.
Scott Robinette

Whoa whoa whoa Santa! You need to lay off the cookies and milk.
Linda Dillon, Thomasville

"Where is your lap?
"Last year you were right. I did shoot my eye out!"
"Mom said you delivered my little sister last Christmas. Can you take her back?"
"Where are your reindeer? Looks like you ate all eight!"
"I'm here responding to the elf ad. My pointed ears are under the hat."
"You don't look jolly. Global warming getting you down?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

2.) "Last year you cleaned out my Daddy's liquor cabinet. He says that's why Rudolph has a red nose."
3.) "I better get an iPod this year. I'd hate to see something happen to Rudolph."
5.) "Can you make Hannah Montana lose her voice?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Could you take my baby sister and bring me a brother?
Am I on the good list now....my sister's hair grew back...
I would like and elf to make me toys all year!
We moved....did Daddy call and tell you??
We moved.....Did you get our change of address card from mommy??
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Loved the "hair grow back" one Just barely missed being a runner-up.

"Santa, are you sure YOU'VE been good this year??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do you want the phone number for Weight Watchers??"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Honest Santa, I didn't know that my brother put Exlax in last year's cookies."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I think you may be sitting on my little brother..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I keep getting all this confused. Are you the one that brings toys down the chimney, pays me for loose teeth, or hides eggs?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Magic reindeer feed? I thought you had a warp drive in your sled.
"Santa, I can explain everything."
"Have you tried weight-watchers?"
"No don't apologize, I'm too old to sit on your lap."
Alan Parrish, Archdale

"No thanks, I think I'll stand. That last kid smelled like he had an accident."
"If you will bring me the bike I want, I'll promise no fires in the fireplace this year."
"You can deliver to my house this year. Spike was taken away after he ate the Easter bunny."
"If you bring me the bike I want and a bone for Spike, he promises you won't leave again with a hole in the seat of your pants."
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons

"Santa, are you expecting a boy elf or a girl elf?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Santa...you look like you've forgotten my list."
"Santa...why do you look like you've forgotten what's on my list?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"You might want to use the front door this Christmas."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1) "I thought you'd like to know they just towed your sleigh ."
2) "Just a warning, P.E.T.A. wants to talk to you about the reindeer."
Joel Clark, Winston-Salem

"How do you fit when you come down the chimney if you are so fat?"
Mallory Freeman, Greensboro

"You have been eating too many cookies"
Carissa Fields, Greensboro

"How the heck do you fit down the chimney when you are so fat, or shall I say 'overweight, big boned person'?"Ashley George, Greensboro

"All I want for Christmas is for you to lose some weight"
Ahmani Brown, Greensboro

"You don't look so jolly!"
Nicole Sumler, Greensboro

"Santa, here's a tip. Stop eating so much and maybe Mrs. Claus will be more interested in you because you are fat."
Autumn Miles, Greensboro

"You should lay off the milk and cookies, Dude"
Wyatt Cox, Greensboro

"They told me if I stopped playing so many video games and got more exercise the weight would start falling off and they were right. Maybe you should try it too!"
Suzanne Billips, Greensboro

"The next Weight Watcher's meeting is Friday at 8:00am. Do you want me stop by and get you or meet you there?"
Suzanne Billips, Greensboro

"I'd rather have a bike but Dad said to ask for the Drought Buster Kit from Ronco"
"Is it OK if we leave you a Slim-Fast Shake instead of cookies this year?"
"Dad said to tell you we just installed solar panels on the roof so please land in the driveway."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

4.) "I'm sorry my Daddy shot at your reindeer last year. He says it's 'good eatin'."
5.) "We don't have a chimney. Can you just put our presents by the outhouse?"
7.) "Al Gore says that you should drive a hybrid sled."
8.) "Do you ever feel guilty using slave labor?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

1. "Can I bring you in for show and tell?"
2. "Don't you ever want to change clothes?"Cheryl Kidd, greensboro

1. "Are you my Dad?"
2. "No mistletoe. Leave Mom alone!"
3. "I want lots of snow days."
George Cornett, greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"Santa, please bring back 'Mark Trail' to the comics."
R. Murphey, Eden
You've got to be kidding...

"Don't you have anything new? I have everything ..."
Mary Hamilton, Archdale

"But do you believe in me?"
Jane Pilson, Ridgeway, Va.

"You can come on the 23rd but I'm busy after that."
"Hey you f---ing idiot who doesn't like envelopes shove another up your chimney."
Frank Freeman
Really, Frank. Was that necessary?