News-Record.com

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Whooops. As was pointed out by Dave Sheets and Dennis LaJeunesse, I left the dates off the sashes. It was suggested I did this so I can re-use the same drawing year after year. Hey, I'm all about recycling. My favorite ---- but too esoteric ---- entry was Joel Clark's channeling of Billy Bob Thornton: "Some people call it a sling blade, mmmmmmm." And, of course, I have to second Max Harless's entry: "Hey kid, be sure to keep that Brewster Rockit cartoon in the paper."

WINNER
"I was just getting the hang of the iPhone."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"I think somebody's diaper is full of auld lang syne."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Madonna and Jolie are fighting to adopt you."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Auld Lang Syne? I have no idea what it means."
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"But I don't WANT to move to Florida"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Hey, be thankful, your last name isn't Spears.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"You're dressed just right for global warming."
"Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"It goes by fast and at the end you'll be back to wearing diapers."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

THE REST
"Here we go again..."
Anna S.

"No, it hasn't been a particularly ruff year. Why do you ask?"
"Cool Blade! When do I get mine?"
"Sickle.I thought they said Cycle."
"Oh my gosh, they get younger looking every year!"
Ben Atkinson, Greensboro

"So in one year I will look just like you. No thanks."
Ben Atkinson, Greesnboro

"Wildfires, school shootings, Britney and K-Fed..yeah, I'm ready to die!"
Bob Beitzel

Come on ! your time is running out and my time is comming in..
Bobby Moore, Greensboro...

"Live it up because it's downhill after Spring."
"If I learned one thing in 2007, be careful in airport bathrooms."
"At least I won't have to endure another New Year's Rockin' Eve."
"There's nothing left for me after the Soprano's finale anyway."
"If you're lucky, you may get adopted by Angelina Jolie."
"I'll be taking Brittany Spears' respectability with me."
"I've been keeping a close eye on Larry King."
"It seems like only last year, I was your age."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Tough break kid. You've got an election year."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"No, you can't have one. You'll put your eye out."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I don't know either. They just said 'Here, hold this."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1. "But I hate collard greens and black-eyed peas!"
2. "Sally forth baby year!"
3. "No birthdays? Ever?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

Got and extra diaper? I think I just wet myself.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Dont wet yourself kid the hourglass broke.....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Come on kid...Time wets for no one.
Tick Tock Tick Tock.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Enjoy it kid...next year you will look like me!!
Christine Keaton, Randleman
Nice

(1) "Just wait 'til you get to be my age..."
(2) "Yes, I do have other clothes."
(3) "I hope you do better than I did!"
Carolyn Mitchell, Greensboro
Liked the simplicity of the last one

"It all went by so fast - one day Huggies & now Depends."
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville
Good one. A contender

"If Hillary wins, you'll go greyer faster than I did"
Donna Bailey, Greensboro

"I thought for sure I'D get the Spears job this year"
Donna Bailey, Greensboro

"I wonder what Brittney's going to do while you're in charge?"
"I wonder what Michael Jackson's face will look like while you're in charge?"
"I wouldn't go to Neverland dressed like that!"
"Rickard said Eli would win while you're in charge."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
On the last one, I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised.
And, while we're at it, we loved the Neverland one, but thought it might be a tad risque for the paper.

"When I was circumcised...."
Fred Romm, Greensboro

"Careful with that rusty scythe there old timer, I haven't had my tetanus shot yet."
"I can't believe Dick Clark chose Hannah Montana over us for his New Year's Rockin' Eve Show."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I've already been circumcised so put that thing away."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Good luck with the elections."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

I was put in diapers when I was born. Now I'm back in them again.
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go!
hmneal

1) baby says: "hm. this cartoon is hard to understand. are you father time, or the grim reaper?"
2) baby says: "where's Rudolph?"
3) old man says: "my new year's resolution is to find a wrinkle cream that actually works."
4) old man says: "of course the 'choppy thingy' is intimidating!"
5) old man says: "hey kid, if i put on your silly hat, will i get a holiday too?"
6) baby says: "of course you don't have a holiday! do you expect some kid to love you because you walk around with a scythe?"
7) baby says: "hey, your new years resolution better be to take daiper canging 101, because that 'mistake with the pin' left scars."
Jamie Biagiotti, age 10, greensboro

"C'mon, I got to go to pee."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1) "I think it's a bad idea to hand this thing over to an infant."
2) "No !!! They're waiting for the ball in Time Square to drop ."
3) "What this thing? I've taken a part-time position to fill in for Death."
4) "So how did you score the cool hat?"
5) "Do yourself a favor and don't start any long term projects."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1) "Is that smell your diaper or mine?"
2) "I have just hours to live and I have to baby sit."
3) "You are a leap year so no I won't let go of your hand."
4) "My advice for next year is to keep it dumb."
5) "For some reason SOME people think more is better."
6) "It sucks, you only get one season of Carolina basketball."
7) "Some people call it a sling blade, mmmmmmm ."
8) "Yeah , I wouldn't get my hopes up about that New Years' meal."
10) "Let's wait for the DNA test to come back before we get all lovey dovey."
11) "Some people will hate you only because you are an election year."
12) "Enjoy that hair because it will be gone by June."
13) "That's my fashion advice but I'm so last year."
14) "Suckers!! I don't have to make my first payment for 18 months."
16) "No, Dick Clark is not the anti-christ."
17) "I've got 5 dollars that says Britney doesn't make it out of your year."
18) "I have no idea what auld lang syne is either."
19) "The year goes quick, but being an election year it will seem like you lasted forever."
20) "Good news, after you no more Bush, bad news, more Hillary."
21) "Don't act so superior, I'm just a year older than you."
22) "Let's see if you think I'm old this time next year."
23) "Define naughty, man that kills me."
24) "No there has never been a 'War on New Years.'"
25) "This year I resolve to make short lists."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Nice ones as usual, Joel

"You'd better go potty now. You won't have time to change your diapers later."
KEN LAYTON, Carthage

"It's called a scythe. The gas situation ruled out a riding mower in their budget."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

"All I can tell you is that a year ago I was young and eager just like you."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

"I just told George W. the same thing: party's over."
Kim McDonald, Greensboro

Say goodnight George
Kim McDonald, Greensboro

"Considering the competition, I think we would make a pretty good Prez and Vice Prez!"
"Our campaign slogan could be Reaper and Creeper in '08!"
"With your colicky nature, I thought you'd be my perfect successor as Grim Reaper!"
"I'm grooming you as my successor. Even the Grim Reaper must retire."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Are those pull-up's for me or for you?"
Louis Tellez, Jamestown

Hey, I'm just not ready to let GO of '07....maybe I can fix something!
Marcia James

1. The ball is falling, the ball is falling.
2. My hat is tops. 3. You forgot the hourglass!
4. Don't pull so hard I have arthritis in that thumb.
5. Do you know God? 6. I'm too old for this job.
7. Father Time, you need a vacation. 8. I'll TRY for Peace in 2008.
9. Did global warming do this to you? 8. I'm too young for this job.
9. The hat's too BIG.
10. Let go!
11. You're too slow, they are starting the party without us.
12. SMILE, maybe your wrinkles won't show.
13. Let's Go.
14. You should run for President, we need more choses.
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

l. Any advice?
2. Old out, new in.
3. I'm not ready!
4. My diaper stinks, what do I do now?
5. What's a resolution?
6. A year, is that all I get?!!!
7. Out with the old, in with the new.
8. I'm getting nervous.
9. Why the sickle, are you the Grim Reaper.
10. What now?
11. Who's Auld Lang Syne?
12. Do I get any benefits?
13. I am not HAPPY, it's almost midnight.
14. Is this what I have to look forward to?
15. Baby, I got to go! 16. Let's Party!
17. Stop asking so many questions!
18. Lead the way.
19. It's Time!
20. Why black balloons who died?
21. Looks more like a revolution.
22. My Life stinks. 23. Don't be a Cry Baby.
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

"Dick is still in the hospital so Ryan will fill in for your party."
“Just because you live for eternity doesn’t mean you don’t need to go to bed.”
"no I’m not Dumbledore."
"Just because I’m Father Time doesn’t mean I’m YOUR father."
"Go ask Mother Nature to change your diaper, Father Time is busy"
"What is your secret to baby soft skin at age 2,007?"
"What do you want for your birthday, other than a Wii?"
"No, that’s not your birthday piñata."
"at least dumbo can have a friend."
"lets go kill Tim for not picking our jokes!"
"You can’t always party like every year is the new millennium."
"I got Regis to host your party this year."
"I know your 2,007 years old but it would be a bad influence for a baby to have a beer on his birthday.”
Park Groves 13, Greensboro
Liked the Dumbledore reference

You'll look like this in 365 days!
Glad I didn't have election year!
Pre-election year was bad enough!
Mylinda C. Paschal, Greensboro

Actually, the phrasing is "naughty OR nice". Didn't Santa ever ask you if you had been a good boy?
Mylinda C. Paschal, Greensboro

(1) If we can fatten you up and put you in a nice Santa suit, you would be a heck of a lot better looking Santa Claus than that guy in last week's cartoon.
(2) Rickard started celebrating New Year's a little early and forgot to put dates on our sashes.
(3) Your work is not finished, Mister, we still have to see who wins the BCS national championship.
(4) I guess Rickard didn't put dates on our sashes so he could use this same drawing year after year.
(5) Your old friend Vinnie Testaverdi is waiting for you.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
Busted

"Is that YOUR diaper or mine?"
"Have you seen my sickle?"
"I had to deal with Britney Spears and Anna Nicole Smith but you're an election year...I wish you luck."
"You have to go potty again?!?!?"
"I'll change your diaper if you can change mine..."
"Well when I was little I had to WALK to school 4 miles every day...uphill...both ways...in the SNOW!"
"Have you seen my hat??"
"Why doesn't somebody turn up the HEAT in here!"
"They cancelled BayWatch?"
"If we're not there to eat by 4:00 we'll have to pay full price!"
"WHAT?!?!?!?"
"Don't blink...you just might miss something..."
"Mashed Potatoes are my favorite TOO??"
"Trust me...naps are a GOOD thing!"
"Oye Vey...I think I need changing again..."
"Believe me...it's time for a change..."
"What's a Happy Meal?"
"PHEW! Was that YOU or me?"
"Pull my finger..."
"Rogaine, Schmogaine, it's all a bunch of hooey!!"
"What's that smell? Oh...nevermind..."
"No better feeling in the world than a clean diaper...trust me..."
"You've got your work cut out for ya kid..."
"We better hurry before the buffet closes..."
"K&W does NOT stand for Canes and Walkers!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Good ones, Bob. Loved the "old man" theme.

I am now leaving you with this mess for 2008.
Sure hope Social Security is there when you retire.
Be thankful you are not old enough to vote.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

You wear diapers and I wear Depends!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. Seems like only yesterday I was your age.
2. Seems like just a year ago I was your age.
3. Where did the year go? (not funny but so true)
4. From diapers to this.
Rich, Pleasant Garden

"C'mon! It's time! Leave that thing back here, everyone is tired of it.
Can't we do without it for just one year?"
Stephanie Chandler, Jamestown

"This thing gets heavy. Try weights and 'roids"
"Good news! You get an extra day!"
"Turn the sash so 2008 shows"
(busted again)
"Young and naive! When can you start?"
"That's Frosty's hat!!"
"Frosty is looking for that hat!!"
"and use bleach to keep your whites white"
"Thank God you are here!! But to be PC you cannot say god."
"Take Ohio Start and the spread"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Grandson...,welcome to the real world!!"
Wanda J. Harkins, Greensboro

"If your year is like mine, you're going to fill a lot more diapers than just that one."
Wil Courter, Greensboro
I liked this one, but one full-diaper cartoon is enough.

1) Don't worry, little guy. I'll see you next year.
2) What took you so long to get here?
3) It's a real mess, and it's all yours now!
William Beerman

"Will I need my "Clapper" where I'm going?"
Adam Tuggle, Boone

Hey, this ain't the way to K&W.
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
hee hee

SNAIL MAIL
"I hate to do this to you kiddo."
Sandra Flood, Greensboro

"The old timer passeth away and a child shall lead us."
"Where is Mother Time?"
"What a mess! One of us is too old to handle the old year and one is too young to handle the new year."
"This scythe is so outdated; I'm requesting a power mower for you."
(cute)
"Hey, kid, be sure to keep that Brewster Rockit cartoon in the paper."
(Here, here!)
"Wars, climate change, politics, diseases, demise of bees: Happy new Year!"
Max Harless, High Point

"I got the election year blues last August!"
" ... and stay away from sub prime loans."
"Frank Freeman, Greensboro