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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

The 12-step program for felines was the theme this week, with many of you having the cat recount his past addiction to cat-nip, tuna, birds, mice, etc. Also politics were on a lot of your minds (big surprise.) But, having weaseled-out of choosing a single winner last week by declaring a group-winner caption, I went with what I thought were some of the more original entries. The winner went to what cat lovers around here just KNOW is really going on in a cat's mind.
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE As always, goes to Bob Mannary of Greensboro for "Today's Topic...Succotash and Why It Continues To Suffer." and "Thunder...Thunder...Thunder Cats! Ho!....."
BEST INSIDE JOKE: goes to Nancy Nelson with a couple 'Brewster Rockit' references and this one from last week's cartoon: "Stop worrying, Cat Woman took care of Godzilla."
And for the "I SWEAR, I THOUGHT THEY WERE RABBITS" category, the award goes to Charles Miller for this caption: I am an honorable rabbit. I did not steal from the carrot bank. I am not a crook.

WINNER
"And so I say to you: Ask not what you can do for anyone."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

RUNNERS-UP
"And in summary, meow."
Mike Hicks, Thomasville

My next campaign stop will be at 2:30 a.m. on the Andersons' back fence.
JOAN LUX, GREENSBORO
Close to being a winner.

"meow meow CHANGE meow meow"
(barbara adds: It's the same message...in any language.)
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

I accept my ninth lifetime achievement award with mixed emotions.
Bill Cunane, Greensboro

Any ideas on a theme for our upcoming musical production?
Bill Wallace, High Point

"...All in favor, Meow. All opposed, Hisssss."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

This meeting of Creepy Ol' Ms. Jenkins' pets will now come to order!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Ah, Eli. Always a brides maid, never a bride.
The term is "crazy" cat lady, not "creepy." I'm afraid this minor semantic detail may have cost you first place in what was an otherwise funny and original caption (at least one of the judges didn't get it on first read.)

THE REST
"My name's Fluffy, and I'm a catnip addict."
Terry Christensen, Greensboro
Good, but too many with this theme. See below.

"I have a Dream!!!...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"At last week's City Council meeting, Tom asked that we reconvene about the garbage problem. He feels that trash pick up is too frequent."
"At last's week's City Councel meeting, Tom asked if we could reconvene to see why we can't have the same garbage system as Italy."
"I know that many of you asked to discuss if we can begin the same garbage pick-up system as they have in Italy..."
"We're here tonight to vote again about switching to the Italian Garbage system."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"The part of Rum Tum Tugger will be played tonight by Tom."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Welcome to the 9th annual chapter meeting. Of course this will be the Final meeting for several of us...."
Jay Moore, Jamestown
ALMOST a runner-up. The last caption to be edited out for lack of space.

Greetings my fellow Americats...
Troyce Hood, Greensboro

"I now present to you our new leader Meow-se-tong"
Bob Blanchard, Randleman

"And, if elected, I promise (1) to outlaw rockers in all homes, (2) more and better litter boxes, and (3) catnip in every cat's dish."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE

". . .And Mickey Mouse has been stocking up on WMD's."
KEN LAYTON, CARTHAGE
cute

"Memmmmmrrryyyyyyy. All alone in the moooonliiiiight."
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro
Nice. I liked it.

I refuse to be called a pussy!
Yes, I am a pro-toilet paper candidate.
Any student wishing to use the box must get a hall pass.
Our next order of business: abolishing butt-licking.
And not I present to you our wonderful, wonderful leader... Felix!
And not I present to you our wonderful, wonderful guest speaker...
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Hi, my name is Fluffy and I'm a catnip-aholic..."
"Last night, we lost Patches in a freak yarn accident. So, let's be careful out there!"
"Welcome to the 2008 Miss Catnip contest!"
"Let me say this as clear as possible: I did not have sexual relations with that poodle!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Hi...I'm Spud's McKenzie...and I'm an alcoholic..."
"It is this candidate's opinion that Bob Barker Must Be Stopped!"
"I have not now, nor have I ever intentionally taken Nepeta to increase my natural fence jumping abilities..."
"I have not now, nor have I ever intentionally taken Catnip to increase my backyard prowling performance!"
"I CAN confirm that Garfield is in fact currently being treated for a large intestinal blockage and is under a 5150 hold at this time..."
"I CAN confirm that Garfield is in fact currently being treated for a small intestinal blockage...most likely caused by a high fat high starch diet..."
"At this time we have no immediate suspects in the disappearance of Mr. Morris but the investigation is ongoing..."
"Read...My...Lips...No...More...Neutering..."
"Bill was found unconscious in his hotel room around 4:00 am this morning. Mr. Milo Bloom and Opus the Penguin are currently being held for questioning..."
"I would like to welcome you to the new Carolina Panthers training facility..."
"Without further adieu I would like to welcome this years celebrity guest speaker...TOM!
"Thunder...Thunder...ThunderCats! Ho!....."
"Today's Topic...Succotash and Why It Continues To Suffer."
"And THAT'S what Tigger's Do Best..."
"What I can confirm is that that WAS in fact life number nine..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Welcome to How to train your human 101".
Donna M. Walli, Greensboro

"I told Barry to keep his steroids in his baseball bag"
"It was only an alligator until it ate the New York Yankees"
Park Groves,Greensboro
Leftover from last week, I presume?

"Hello, and welcome to Male Kittens Anonymous"
"Sorry, but a cat has my tong"
"I promise change"
"I have a dream that one day our nation will live litter blind"
"I have been against the war on dogs before it was popular to do so"
"It's time for male kittens to come out of the bag"
"AND ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING RUBBED BY SMELLY FEET!!!!!!"
"Let's go out there and change all those "dog people's" mind"
"Someone among us is a DOG!!"
"All right which one of you has my tong?"
Park Groves, Greensboro

Who just got off of the tuna boat?
Let us paws for a moment...
and Morris lost his ninth life today....
The mouse spec-attack-ular will be held...
We found some kittens mittens...
Puss N Boots cleaned the boxes today....
"Cat Scratch Fever" has really caught us all....
Meow Mix now has insect, rodent, and bird flavors.
Cattyness is my trademark and mousing is my game.
My story is meowww wild and hisss terically sad.
My name is Bill and I am neutered and declawed....
Who used the catnip in the boys litterbox area?
Rabid rumors about my temperment are being spread.....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

And if elected, I promise you fresh litter in every box!
Robin Davis, Greensboro
I liked this one. very simple.

".....and I repeat, mandatory spaying and neutering is NOT part of my universal health care plan."
Chris Augustine, Greensboro
Nice

"Well, I was going to have a Power Point here, but I can't find the mouse."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"...and that's why I think Top Cat would be a better choice than Hilliary."
Joseph Thomas, Siler City

"...and that's why I think Top Cat would be a better choice than Hilliary."
Joseph Thomas, Siler City

From Angela McGinn, This is from her 2-yr-old Max. When shown the cartoon and asked what he thought the cat was saying:
"Meow."
Max McGinn, Greensboro, age 2
Very good. Nice and simple.

The second is from her "normally not so funny" husband, Brian McGinn:
"Hello my name is Steve and I'm a Catnipaholic."
Brian McGinn, Greensboro

"I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman..."
"My name's Fluffy...and I'm a Mouse-A-Holic..."
"Halle Berry...two paws up...Michelle Pfeiffer...two paws down..."
"...Life 3 was the electric fence incident...Life 4..."
"No...I was NOT wearing Boots at the time..."
"...he called me 'The P Word' so I really had no choice..."
"It doesn't matter that we're not on Broadway any longer...it's still alright to dance..."
"It's this cat's humble opinion that Bob Mannary should receive this week's certificate..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Some other time, Bob.

"Don't Be A Pussy...Get Out And Vote!"
(I know that there's no way this one can win but I thought you might get a chuckle out of it) :-)
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
hee hee.

"My name is Tom and I'm a catnipoholic"
Bob Caso, Jamestown
Good, but just too many ...

"Hi, my name is Bob and I'm a mouse-aholic."
Chuck Walker, Greensboro
see?

# 1My pledge to you- a canary in every pot!
#2 In a dog eat dog election we win!
Ron Harris, Reidsville

Hi, I'm Richard Simmons and this is "Cooking with Tuna 101."
Ralph Rossi

Hi. My name is Whiskers and I'm a tunaholic.
Jean Weatherman, Greensboro

"You all are the cats meow for coming here tonight just to listen to me".
Hally Lee Rankin

"Are there any tomcats in the house tonight?"
Hally Lee Rankin

"It doesn't matter what I say because all you cats do whatever, whenever."
Hally Lee Rankin

"That is why you should vote for me, prrrrrocobama."
Shelby Beattie, Summerfield

I have just one thing to say - "Meow"
Joan Hunt, Greensboro
Nice. I kinda liked the runner-up with this theme a little bit better, though.

Why can't a cat run for president? Lots of dogs are.
Joan Hunt, Greensboro
Bah-dom, bing

Vote for me and I'll rid our Country of all the rats - especially the two legged ones!
Joan Hunt, Greensboro

"Please turn off your purr during the performance."
"Verily, the more catnip you give, the more you shall receive."
Mike Hicks, Thomasville

1. Meow!
2. Meow, meow, meow!
3. Purr-fect.
4. Elect me and everything will be purrfect.
5. There with be Pur(r)ina in every bowl.
6. Cats Unite.
7. No dogs allowed.
8. I'll come up with a better vet care plan.
9. No more fur balls.
10. Hiss, hiss, hiss!
11. Our world is going to the dogs.
12. We need to reclaim our place in society.
13. There'll be CATnip in every toy.
14. I want to be your galactic president. (Brewster doesn't always tell the truth)
15. On the job CATnapping will be allowed.
16. Stop worrying, Cat Woman took care of Godzilla.
17. Humans are okay, it's the dogs that stink.
18. We need to get rid of all the rats that are running for president.
19. All kitty litter will change color!
20. Being a stray of mixed descent makes me your best candidate.
21. I believe in Animal Rights.
22. We"ll be worshipped once more.
23. It'll be a CATastropic if you elect Brewster Rockitt.
24. Electing me will be a true "CATastropic Success".
25. Humans don't understand us.
26. Send me your poor, your tired and your hungary.
27. Milk and Friskies are being served in the lobby.
28. The other candidates act CATonic.
29. Declawing of cats will be outlawed.
30. No kitten left behind.
31. All Dogs Go to Heaven, the Sooner the Better.
32. Cats Rule!
33. Cats will prosper!
34. All dogs will be sent to a deserted island.
35. Neutering or spaying of cats will be forbidden.
36. No furniture will be off limits.
37. I have but nine lives to give to my country.
38. Humans will pet and groom us on demand.
39. All kitty litter will be recycled.
40. There will be catwalks in every home.
41. Elect me and the Human Fat Cats will be exiled.
42. The borders will now be guarded with our Big Cats. ( Let's see who takes on the lions and the tigers, etc.)
43. Humans must learn our language.
44. I'm the Cats Meow.
45. All licking will be done in private.
46. Try not to scratch the humans.
Nancy Nelson
Number 30 had intriguing possibilities, but wasn't an actual caption -i.e., something the cat would actually be saying - it was more of an idea.

1. "My name is John and I've been catnip free for 41 days."
2. "Let me make this purrrrrrrfectly clear."
3. "Only a few will be selected for Project Catwalk."
4. "Our Getting Rid of The Family Dog Seminar will show you..."
5. "Now join me in a lively rendition of "What's New Pussycat."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"So graduates, I say to you, live all of your lives to their fullest."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"My name is Fluffy and I'm an alcoholic."
"You've only got 9 lives, make them worthwhile!"
"Unite against our common foe; the vacuum!"
"My name is Snowball and I'm a catnip addict."
"Spike is gone so it's open season on Tweety!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"My name is Fluffy, and I'm a fubaholic"
"9 Lives: Myth or Legend?"
Robert Dator, Greensboro

'Please get out your fiddles-the cows will be here soon"
Mary Dator, Greensboro

I did not, repeat, did not have sex with that cat.
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

I've already admitted that as a young cat I indulged in catnip.
My chances are excellent -- Ralph Nader and Jerry Brown aren't running this year.
A vote for me is a vote for tuna in every bowl and a litter pan in every house.
My campaign will not be swayed by media caterwauling.
Health care for all -- and NO mandatory internal parasite exams.
Don't worry about my age -- I have at least 4 lives left!
And I promise a bill banning the big snip-snip!
I'm no fat-cat insider.
I'm the best fourth-party candidate!
A vote for "Miss Kitty" is a vote for a saloon on every corner.
As a feminist I resent being called cutesy names like "puddycat"!
JOAN LUX, GREENSBORO

I'm counting on the Ralph Nader, Jerry Brown, and Ross Perot voters turning out!
JOAN LUX, GREENSBORO

"Now we're going to have a small reception. I think there's enough saucers for everyone."
"I'll take questions now, but remember, let's watch that curiosity."
"One last note, lodge brothers. The janitor is saying that some of you are still missing the litter box."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Two more from here (last two) made the short list

"Who is it that keeps on hissing?"
"What's wrong with you all? Don't you care? You all act so...so indifferent."
"Yes Ralph, in retrospect, the rocking chairs were probably a bad idea."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the rocking chair one. definetly made my short list

After years of denial, Tom came clean " Hi, I'm Tom and I too walk on the counters when my owners are not home!"
Roddy Woodard, High Point

"...and so I told the humans they were not dealing with a herd mentality here."
Suzanne C. Tate, Asheboro

"Meow is the Perrrrfect time to vote, Demo-Cat!"
Shabazz Allah, Greensboro

"My opponent is pro-canine."
"I tried catnip once but I didn't inhale."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

If elected..I will petition Warner Brothers to let Sylvester eat Tweety!
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I have bad news to report. Patches has been found. Unfortunately, he's today's special at Golden Dragon."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"We attack the humans at dawn..Freedom!!!"
"'I'm sorry to report that Sylvester the Cat was found dead in a catnip house. Calling hours will be from thhhhhhhh-ix to thhhhhhhh-even."
"Garfield could not be here to accept his award. Accepting on his behalf is his long time partner, Morris."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I am Chairman Meow. and you must now follow the TAO."
Lee Settle, Graham

1) " My opponent is in his ninth life . Do we really want someone that old in charge?"
2) " My opponent claims to be a cat but his voting record reflects the wishes of dogs!!"
3) "I tried Katnip but I didn't ingest!"
4) "If elected I promise a tenth life for everyone!!"
5) "If elected I promise to bring curiosity up on murder charges!!!"
6) "And unlike my opponent, when I cross your path I don't bring you bad luck."
7) " Read my lips NO NEW HAIRBALLS !!! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1. "My name is Garfield and I'm a catnipaholic."
2. "Let me make this purrrrrrrrfectly clear."
Wally Fox, Greensboro

"We're here to talk about all of these ties in tic tac toe."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

"Absolutely no furballs stuck under your desks!"
"Don't argue about grades...I've earned tenure nine times!"
"After the ninth repeat, I'd think some of you would pass my class!"
"Obedient, attentive, interested...what are you, a bunch of dogs?"
"So you're searching for a completely different catdidate?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Today's topic is 'The Importance of Hairball Maintenance' "
Jennifer Robson, Greensboro

1. If elected, your health insurance will cover fur balls.
2. If elected I will be the Cat's Meow!
3. OK, which one of you black cats walked in front of QB Brady?
4, OK, which black cats walked in front of the Patriots?
5. We are gathered here to honor one who just passed his 9th life.
6. Apparently someone isn't using the litter box.
7. Suggestions? There is Mickey, Pluto, Goofy, Donald but no cat.
8. Imagine, an entire Magic Kingdom built around a mouse.
9. Rin Tin Tin, Lassie, Police Dogs, & we get Cat in a Hat.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Remember, no one is purr-fect.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Flea circuses will be banned ...
Our guest speakers were Jerry and Tweety but ...
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Please put your paws together and welcome Dr. Seuss to the stage."
"I urge you all to sign the petition against Greensboro becoming a litter-free community."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Quit swishing your tails!, I'm almost through."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Liver and milk refreshments will be served under the table."
"After the meeting, liver and milk refreshments will be served under the tables."
"Liver and milk refreshments will be served under the banquet table after the meeting."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Thank you for brushing before you came, to reduce shedding in here."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I guess you're wondering why I've called you all together."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"And only by standing together, united as one, will the global cat-nip shortage be overcome!"
"Ackkk!! Cough!! Sorry, hairball, you understand."
"Calicos, Siamese, Tabbys, Lend me your ball of yarn."
"We must have change! The days of the dog being man's bestfriend must end now!"
"I promise fresh tuna in every bowl, a different toy for each day of the week and everyone gets a hot tin roof!"
"Due to the damage they have caused to many of our tails, I vote we start a grass-roots movement to ban rocking chairs!" Don't dwell on the small things. A smile is worth a thousand words.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

"Once we go into the conference room, please take your proper places in lines 1 through 9."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"We are all gathered here to mourn the passing of Morris the Cat...for the Ninth time."
"Thank you all for coming to mourn the passing of Morris....AGAIN."
"Has anyone got anything they can think of to add to Morris's passing...for the ninth time?...."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Welcome to the Reincarnation Seminar: Making the Most of Your Nine Lives."
"Welcome to this Retirement Seminar: Approaching Your Ninth Life."
"Thank you to Kibbles and Bits for sponsoring today's Siminar on Making Your Savings Last for Nine Lives."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Fluffy, your loud purring is disturbing the others."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"When we go into the conference room, those of you with five lives left should go to the left. Those of you with three lives should go to the right."
"Those with five lives left move to the right, and those with three, move to the left."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Before I begin, please turn off your cell phones and hide any shiny objects."
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Good one. made the short-short list.

"I have a Dream that one day, dogs and cats will play together...."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

I am an honorable rabbit. I did not steal from the carrot bank. I am not a crook.
Charles Miller

Welcome to the Miller's reunion
Charles Miller

I see you have been procreating since out last reunion.
Joan Miller

"Fellow Democats, we need to select the purrfect candidate."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Now for a few housekeeping items. The Cat litter is located....
Mary Welker, Julian

"Hello, my name is Morris and i am a nipaholic".
Roy Lawrence, High point

Ok rumor has it that one of you were spotted last week obeying your owner.
Donna Lawrence, High Point

The Canines are lose in the neighborhood, what are we going to do about it?
One (both?) of the Lawrences

Be careful, this is the Chinese year of the Rat.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Congratulations to those of you tonight receiving your One Year Off Catnip award!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1. "Here at Purrfect Feline Match, we guarantee you will find your dream mate."
2. "Thanks to each of you, Feline Spray Mystique has become our best-selling perfume ever."
Catherine Moore, Thomasville

"I'd like to read a passage from my newest book, 'Dr. Seuss in a Noose'."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Hello My name is Cat Paws and I am a bird-a-holic
sent via web feedback, no name given

"I'm Tabby Cat and I am a catnipholic!!"
"I promise catnip in every year, a mouse on every plant and a ball of string for every cat!!!"
"With our catnip elixer, you can have 10, every 11 lives!
"Meow, meow, ruff, meow, meow!
"Don't cat around or become guitar strings, use your nine lives wisely"
Dennis LaJeunesse

SNAIL MAIL
(Two snail mails made runners-up)
"We must resist Bob Barker and 'Price is Right.'"
"The time is right for a cat in the white house!"
"Hi, I'm Snowball and I'm a nipaholic!
"Hi Snowball!"
"Welcome to the "Clawing for respect" seminar."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Welcome to the cat's meow, 2008!"
B.J. Kime, Whitsett

"And under your chair you all have a sleeping mouse."
"I promise you a fish in every pot!"
"Abolish all dogs."
Susanne Coatta, Greensboro

"Meow have your attention, please?"
Racheal Richardson, Brown Summit

"Hello, my name is kitty and I'm a nipaholic."
Susie Byrum, Greensboro

"I realize, fellow felines, that you sleep practically all the time, so listen up now!"
"Elect me and I promise you all the catnip you want."
Max Harless, High Point