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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

(Cue music) ... Can you tell me how to judge, how to judge these Sesame Street gags... (end music.)
Usually I make a shot list of a dozen or so of my favorite entries (many of you will never know how close you get to winning or placing.) Then those are pared down to about a half-dozen from which the winner is chosen. This week I could have flipped a coin between a dozen different entries for winner and been satisfied with the choice. Here are a few.
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE:
Nancy Nelson wins this with:
I see Kermits' birthday party got out of hand. (Feb. 29, Is Kermits birthday)
BEST INSIDE JOKE:
There were several to choose from, but I kinda liked this one from Joel Clark:
"We called Superman but got his wife. Boy talk about an unhappy spouse."
Some more good ones were contributed below by Cathy FitzGerald, CC Cockerham, Jean Brockman and Nancy Nelson.

WINNER
"Good gosh Jenkins it's murder, or do you have to have it spelled out for you?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Needless to say, Joel was on a roll this week with winner, two runners-up and one or two more made the short list.
What is it about guys named Joel and gag writing anyway? We have multi-winners Joel Clark and Joel Tuggle. Cathy is a good name -- two winners so far named Cathy. Also there have been two Steves, two Davids, two Jims ... Am I forgetting any?

RUNNERS-UP
This crime is brought to you by the letter "F"
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
One of the briefer versions of this gag, which is good.

"Oscar was grouchier than we thought."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

"Our prime suspect is Bert but I don't think he was working alone."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

The victim was stabbed 1,2,3,4,5...6,7,8,9,10...11, 12 times
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Probably the best of the "counting" gags, but I think it would have worked better (shorter) with a lower number.

"To make bail, he's gonna need support from viewers like you."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Big Bird is guil - ty, guilty."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Things went south when they couldn't agree on the letter of the day."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
This was the second highest scorer among the judges ...

Now his name is " Stab Me Elmo".
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

THE REST
First, this late caption to last week's Superman cartoon (the e-mail had to travel a long way from Texas. We have entries this week from Texas, Louisiana and Tennessee. We're going national folks!)
"You say Hoover Dam just burst?....Just a minute, let me see if he's in.......Honeeeeey"
Mike Grunsten, El Paso, Texas

Better call in CSI. There are yellow feathers and red fur all over the place. And our only witness is some depressed guy in a trash can.
Tom Harrison, Greensboro

"We found Oscar. He was stuffed in the trash can."
Stuart Philpott, Greensboro

l. Are you going to put Oscar back in the CAN?
2. Did Cookie Monster rob the bakery again?
3. Did Bert and Ernie get into another fight?
4. Was Big Bird the victim of a drive shooting?
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

"Looks like Cookie Monster caught Elmo with his hand in the cookie jar and things got ugly."
Robert Atwood, Greensboro

"Miss Piggy caught Kermit with tadpoles calling him "Daddy"."
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"This used to be such a safe neighborhood."
Ken Layton, Carthage
I liked this one. very simple.

"You say the fight started when Elmo got into the Grouch's garbage can and Grouch hit him with a rotten banana?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Its true, Big Bird does taste just like chicken."
Richard F. Wood
cute.

"I've never seen anything like it. All of them were ... rectally impaled by human hands! The humanity!"
Lisa Holder, Pleasant Garden

4. (correction)Was Big Bird the victim of a drive-by shooting?
5. Was Snuffleupagus snuffed out by the big game hunters?
6. Did The Count snap and bite someone?
7. Did Bert and Ernie have anything to do with the disappearance of Deena and Pearl?
8. Did Elmo see Red and kill to be the winner of that silly dance contest?
9. Did Ernie snap and kill Bert?
10. Have you talked to Frazzle he knows about everything that happens on Sesame Street?
11. Grover was so cute, what happened here?
12. Herry Monster doesn't know how strong he really is, did he claim it was an accident?
13. Did you say all the humans on Sesame Street were killed?
14. I see Kermits' birthday party got out of hand. (Feb. 29, Is Kermits birthday)
15. How many of the humans are suspects in this crime?
16. Did the Garbage collector run over Oscar's can?
17. Was Big Bird asking to many questions?
Nancy Nelson

"Get the 'yellow' book out - we need a lineup."
"How many eight foot tall yellow birds can there be?"
"Follow the fuzzy feathers and we will find our felon.
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro

Some grouch canned Oscar.
Jubee Stange, Greensboro

"Remember, the only information we're releasing to the press is the number of the day and the letter of the day".
"Let's just say that Oscar's grouching days are over."
"We're going to need more than sunny days to sweep away what's in there."
"...and there were primary colors splattered all over the walls and ceiling..."
Sherrill Hayes, Greensboro

"CAN I QUOTE YOU 'COOKIE MONSTER MUGS A GIRL SCOUT'?"
BETTY JO HILL, GREENSBORO

"I'm not sure how you got here, but I'm glad you're here..."
"Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?"
"Witnesses say the last thing he said was, 'If You Tickle Me There Just One More Time Yellow Beak...' then shots rang out..."
"Unfortunately it looks like he didn't keep his feathers numbered for just such an emergency..."
"We already collected several canisters of Play-Doh and a pair of Slinky's, but it looks like the Easy-Bake Oven is missing..."
"Today's crime scene is brought to you by the letter 'M' and the number '3'"
"Our primary suspect is approximately two feet tall, slender build, with a greenish complexion...."
"All we've found so far are nothing more than cookie crumbs and a spilled glass of milk..."
"He 'claims' it was somebody by the name of Aloysius Snuffleupagus but we have no other witnesses that back up his story..."
"We have 1...ONE murder victim...Ha Ha Ha. 2...TWO pieces of evidence...Ha Ha Ha..."
"Well...so far Bert's saying it was Ernie, Ernie's saying it was Bert, Big Bird is pointing the finger at Mr. Snuffleupagus, and the only thing I can get out of the Elmo kid is that 'That Tickles'..."
"Well...it looks like somebody's been tickling Elmo in a less-than appropriate way..."
"Apparently we are on the look-out for a frog and a pig..."
"It looks like the only thing missing from the apartment is a rubber ducky..."
"It looks like another case of Muppet on Muppet violence..."
"Gordon's OK but it looks like Bob and Maria weren't so lucky..."
"The only thing left was a suicide note scribbled on his Etch-A-Sketch..."
"Get me Sherlock Hemlock..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Not surprisingly, you had a few on the short list.

18.Has Miami Mice gathered any clues yet?
19.Did The Amazing Mumford make Big Bird small again?
20. Will Rosita be deported back to Mexico?
21. I'm Sherlock Hemlock and I'm here to help you solve this crime.
22. I need to find my dog, Watson, he'll help me solve this crime. ( I had a child who grew-up watching this show.)
23. What's a Muppet anyway?
24. Did someone choke Big Bird for asking so many questions?
25.Did the EPA finally make Oscar clean out his can?
26. Officer, was the victim a Human or a Muppet?
27. Officer Louie did you find Charlie yet?
28. Did the ASPCA rescue Oscar's pets and shut down his can.
29. Has Bruno ever accidently throw Oscar's can into his truck before.
Nancy Nelson

"So you’re telling me Big Bird is missing but you don’t suspect fowl play."
David Graves, Browns Summit

"It was a crime of passion. Bert found Ernie and Grover in bed together."
"There were 1,2,3..3 mutilated muppets..ah, ah, ah!"
"Apparently O.J. found out that Grover was sleeping with his wife too."
"This crime scene was brought to you by the letter H, as in 'horrific'."
"How exactly do you get blood off of felt anyway?"
"Elmo got a hold of some bad PCP."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

30. Do you have a description of the suspect?
31. What color was the suspect?
32. Did the victim have any known enemies?
33. How many Muppets are suspects?
34. There's always been Bitter Blood between those two.
35. Will Jerry Bledsoe write a book about this horrendous crime?
Nancy Nelson

"Maybe it wasn't such a good idea creating a Jeffrey Dahmer muppet afterall."
"If anyone comes up to you singing about how to get to Sesame Street, just tell them to follow the stench of death."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
I loved both of these Bob, but they were just a wee-bit dark.

"When they took him away in handcuffs he kept saying, 'I warned them not to tickle me anymore'".
Sherron Ashby, Madison

"So what you're saying is - this years Thanksgiving bird was not turkey?"
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

"Waste management?!, I Knew that oscar fellow was bad news!"
We're looking for a bird, a big bird
Eddie Whitman, High Point
liked the second one

Yeah! It looks like Oscar finally went postal!!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

Kermit has croaked, and we believe Big Bird is involved in "fowl play."
Chris Vandegrift, Greensboro

Kermit has croaked, and we think Big Bird is guilty of "fowl play."
Chris Vandegrift, Greensboro

"This crime scene is brought to you by the letter L and the number 7."
"An eyewitness says the victim was stabbed 1...2...3 times.... Ah.Ah.Ah."
"Turns out that Super Grover can't really fly."
"I've never seen so much shredded foam and googly eyes in my life."
"Elmo apparently got tired of being tickled."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Seemed like Grover was getting too close to Bert. Ernie didn't take it too well."
Kelly Frye, greensboro

They introduced a new character named Big Cat. Guess how that went?
He says he wants a car and a bag of cookies and he will release the hostages.
This murder was brought to you by the number 6.
It's a hate crime. Turns out Bert and Ernie was more than roommates.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

1) 'H' is for 'homicide.' That's good enough for me.
2) The residents are saying that this murder was brought to you by the letter 'M.'
3) Looks like someone FINALLY picked off Elmo.
4) The residents say the culprit must be some kind of monster.
5) There goes Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood!
6) This would never happen in Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood!
8) One of these crimes is not like the others. One of these crimes is not quite the same.
9) It makes one ask, "Who REALLY are the people in your neighborhood?"
10) Well, at least this epidode of CSI will have no commercials.
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Some other good ones here.

"Now that it's politically incorrect to eat Girl Scout cookies, The Cookie Monster just ate Big Bird."
Laurie Rand, Greenboro

"The letter of the day is H - for homicide."
"The crumbs sprinkled on the victim implicate Cookie Monster."
"This is brought to you by the numbers 1,8,7."
"Yet another domestic dispute at Bert and Ernie's."
"It seems there will be a new toy out soon - Murder Me Elmo."
"A rival gang, The Muppets, was ambushed with silly string."
"No one suspected Oscar was THAT grouchy."
"This results from ongoing tensions with The Electric Company."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Your typical spat between aging TV stars"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"They are just filming an episode of puppets gone wild".
John Lonergan, Whitsett

1) "Anything funny going on here?"
2) "I know the writers" strike is over--when did the cartoonists go out?"
3) "You"re saying Cookie Monster overdosed on trans-fats?"
4) You know all I've got to say is 'Open, Sesame'".
William Beerman

Let's just call it "Big Bird's Revenge"
"The Government killed 'The Cookie Monster'"(seriously :-( )
"He's only known by 'The Cookie Monster'"
His last words were "Don't Taze Me Bro"
"Who ever did this took their time, every feather was plucked"
"Barney actually HAD a gun"
"Don't be fooled by the name, the Teletubbies area viscous street gang"
"Show-biz is rough"
"The suspect had a very large nose, was it you or me?"
Park Groves Greensboro

I would like to submit the following caption for this week's cartoon:
Well, the only thing missing is five hundred pounds of bird seed.....any suspects?
Myra Pell, Greensboro

"The witness just said "four, four times he was stabbed" and then he turned into a bat and flew away."
"One of 'em just said "talk to the hand.""
"Release the big yellow one. Obviously, he's not a flight risk."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I'll read them their rights during storytime."
"It's gang related all right. Look at those corrective shoes hanging from that line."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"He was an addict all right. I saw cookie dust all around his mouth."
"It appears it was a new garbage man with a bad ticker."
"All those letters and I couldn't see the warning signs."
"I'd say the judge will give him two...maybe three hours of timeout."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I would like to submit the following captions:
"It looks like a milk and cookie deal went bad."
"It's horrible Jenkins. There's some of them up there with no legs at all."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Did you see someone with crumbs on their chin running from here?
James R. Pitcher, Greensboro

"Oscar the Grouch was found dead in a manhole. It appears to be sewercide."
"It's true. Big Bird sleeps with the finches"
"Looks like aviary flu got him but we can't rule out foul slay"
"The problem started when Cookie Monster invited Count Dracula in for a bite"
"Elmo's batteries are gone! His laughter drove Oscar insane"
"We suspect something is wrong. Oscar is sweet and friendly"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Witnesses say that the purple pile of foam over there is all that's left of Barney..."
"His ID says his name is 'Barney'...no address..."
"It's never pretty when a purple dinosaur wanders into the wrong neighborhood..."
"Witnesses say that his last words were 'And Remember...I Love You'...before he fell into a lifeless purple heap."
"The real question is, what is a Mah Nà Mah Nà"
"Who told YOU how to get here??"
"Apparently 38 years of talking to a giant yellow bird and a Grouch in a trash can was too much for Mr. McGrath..."
"Last time I was out here was when I was assigned the Hooper case...never could figure out why he was working on that toaster his bathtub..."
"I just used Google Maps..."
"I was heading east on I-40, which I think is now Business 40, but not Old 40 and I guess I missed my exit for PTI...how'd YOU get here..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob, number three made it on the short list.

"Well, it appears that The Count won't be counting up to Miss Piggy's weight again."
Reta Beck, Greensboro
Nice one.

"When we get him, he's gonna beg for the cookie" ... can I quote you on that?
Miriam Morrow, New Orleans, LA

"...I guess Oscar finally got fed up with the paparazzi always following Elmo."
Rupert Burton, Greensboro

"Looks like Oscar's having another midlife crisis..."
Andrew San Juan, Greensboro

Yea, Great big yellow bird. Have you seen it?
Hey, listen to this, He says the "Cookie Monster" did it.
And you say YOU were with Miss Piggy all night?
Mitch of Nashville

"An eight foot pigeon hooked on meth, it's not a pretty sight."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Chief. You're not gonna believe this group of suspects."
Charles Miller, Grensboro

36. It's Cartoon Madness!
37. It's true March Madness!
38. Oscar got CANNED!
Nancy Nelson

"It appears as if the victim has been clubbed to death with the letter 'P.'"
"You can take the police tape down now; the only thing in the safe was rubber duckies."
"I need you to go ahead and call in the Chief; you'll have to tell him how to get, how to get to Sesame Street."
"We've got a pretty good line on the suspect. Not too hard to figure out when there's a four foot long yellow feather left at the crime scene."
"This one is going to be tough - the whole neighborhood is full of a bunch of characters."
"Put out an APB. We're looking for an older fellow with green jeans."
"I asked him if he saw anything and he said, 'Counting is fun.' What am I supposed to do with that?"
Shera Bilisoly, Greensboro
Liked the first one.

"I tried to warn Kermit about marrying Lorena Bobbitt."
"I guess those two old guys in the balcony told one too many jokes, huh?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

That's right a giant bird, and if you laugh again I'll beat you with your own gun.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

The Girl Scouts have I.D'd the culprit as Cookie Monster.
Marilyn Lonergan, Stoney Creek

It's not pretty. Cookies and feathers everywhere!
Lisa Lemieur, Greensboro

I'm from the News + Record. Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"We called Superman but got his wife. Boy talk about an unhappy spouse."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"What a tragedy. First the lead singer from INXS, and now Kermit."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"I heard the victim had big yellow feathers on his clothing."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"You say that the suspect was still covered with cookie crumbs?"
Dave Derence, Greensboro

1- Elmo really really didn't want to be tickled anymore.
2- Today's letter is M. Can you say murder?
3- Oscar way overdid grouchy!
Max Harless

"Word on the street is that 7 ate 9."
Diane Bishop, Greensboro

"All I heard was Oscar the Grouch scream 'AAAHHH MY SPLEEN!!!' then everything went quiet."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well, I got a domestic disturbance call from 123 Sesame Street that Bert and Ernie were having another fight, and I thought it was a joke. My bad."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well we got the strangest call from someone calling himself BigBird screaming that GodZilla was eating up his neighborhood."
"I got a call for Help from BigBird that GodZilla had made his way to Sesame Street and that some guy named Tim Rickards was only sitting there drawing it."
"I got the wierdest call from BigBird screaming that GodZilla was eating his neighborhood and that Superman was drunk and Tim Rickard's was only sitting there drawing it all."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1. That ribbon doesn't mean you can't cross it, officer.
2. The Cookie Monster stole how many cookies?
3 Someone actually dumped trash on Oscar?
4. Zoning doesn't allow living in a trash can?
5. All these police because #123 is missing from St. sign?
6. The 1st place ribbon on Big Bird is nicer than the one you put up.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"When Oscar heard Elmo was named PBS’s Sexiest Muppet of the Year, he just flipped out."
"It appears Mr. Rogers crashed into Oscar’s garbage can on his moped."
"A simple case of street rage between Oscar and Elmo."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"It's just some grumpy guy in a trash can eating the largest drumstick I've ever seen!"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"The story is, some green frog did the big bird in. Something about messing arond with my piggy."
"He still able to talk even with his insides all torn out.""
"Road Kill"
"Man, I had the best donut ever this morning."
"Put out a APB for a big yellow bird."
"Tell the TSA to look for a yellow bird with green blood on his hands."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"You saw a hand up a muppet's what?"
David Downing, Greensboro

"The Count took the cookie monster's cookies.
He counted each one and threw them into a trash can.
The monster and a grouch from inside the can started a fight, then a big yellow bird..."Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
"Looks like a turf war with the muppets ... we're going to need 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8! body bags."
Bill Wallace, High Point
Good one Bill, just needed to be a bit shorter

"Yeah, the crime scene is that trash can over there."
"'B' is for Big Bird a baseball bat upside Bert's head."
"It's chaos. Feathers, frog guts and pig's feet everywhere."
"This turf war is a powder-keg. Next time the Muppet Kings and the Berensteen Crips meet, felt could run in the street."
"Just that outside agitator, Fred Rodgers, again."
C Lane, Greensboro
Like the last one.