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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

"Since when did Vikings operate galleys!" read one entry from Max Harless who apparently questioned my knowledge of Viking history. For your information, Max, Viking Fran Tarkenton operated the galley Santa Maria when he discovered Plymouth Rock. So there.
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat” was the most used of nautical song entries that included "Don't Rock the Boat" "Sailing, Sailing" and, curiously, "You light up my life."
My short list wasn't so short this week. A LOT of good entries. Many that would easily be runner-ups in previous weeks had to settle for bumpkiss this week.
Jon Barsanti, Jr. and Darrell Clark each had the most entries to make the short list.

WINNER
"O boy, ramming speed!! What's ramming speed?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
This was the winner because it did exactly the opposite of most captions. It seemed to get funnier the more I read it.
It's full of expectant calamity, plus the unbeatable combination of bright-eyed optimism (mirroring the art) in a hopeless situation.

RUNNERS-UP
"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Best of the "Row your boat" entries. simple, subtle.
Sigh. Once again, Eli, bridesmaid, not a bride. Would it make you feel any better if I told you this was one of three that was strongly considered for winner? I didn't think so.

Just for fun ask him are we there yet.
Darrell Clark
The other one that was considered for winner.

"When he hits the drum, this loose board tickles my butt!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

'Is this whipping or non-whipping?'
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"WOOO, SPRING BREAK 1376!!"
Park Groves, Greensboro
See my notes below, park.

"Yeah, but just think what it must be like back in coach."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I've always wanted the window seat. Would you mind swapping?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
Jon Barsanti Jr. had a caption with this theme, but he already had a runner-up entry, so you get this one all to yourself. Enjoy.

THE REST
He must think he's Lawrence Welk!
Linda Willard, High Point

"How much more was the all inclusive package?"
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Land ahoy, I wonder if that's our first ports of call?"
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

I see Spitzer isn't joining in on the "heave ho" refrain!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

What do you think Spitzer will do if we sing the "heave ho" song again?
Spitzer back there is lost in thought whenever we sing the "heave ho" song.
Joan Lux Greensboro

I like to think of it as being on a "green" cruise.
Jay Moore, Jamestown

"I lowered my cholesterol."
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale

"Someone should write a song about this!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Don't you just hate these company outings!"
Maxine Leister, Greensboro
Nice.

"Sailing, Sailing over the bounding Main!"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"I just love it when they do 'Row,Row Your Boat'."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Right idea, but I liked Eli's more subtle, compact treatment.

"I wonder if Holland America or Carnival have exercise rooms as nice as this."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Also good

"Wow! I will be more than ready for the Harvard Rowing Crew after this cruise!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I hope the captain doesn't want to water ski again today"
Herb Werner, High Point
Funny, but that's the caption to a fairly well known joke.

"Hey, no complaints from me, I’m saving $3,600 round trip".
Chuck Crews, Greensboro

I'm gonna use my frequent-rower miles to go to Tahiti!
Bill White, Greensboro

"I told you there is always a bright spot"
Brownie Owens, Greensboro

"Hey, They're playing my song"
Charles Crosby, Greensboro
Good one.

"I used my Frequent Flyer points to get up-graded. And you?"
"I think the custom is to tip $5-8 per day."
"No. My travel agent is not Abercrombie and Kent."
Ken Miller, Greensboro

DO YOU THINK WE'RE REALLY GOING TO DISNEY WORLD ?
Eileen Thiery, Stokesdale

The fellows with the funny helmets aren't from Scandinavia -- they're from Texas.
How did we get roped into this promotion stunt for the "Pirates of the Caribbean"?
Never thought I'd be rowing a boat in Las Vegas for the Treasure Island hotel.
So where did you hide his "cat o'nine tails"?
Up until three weeks ago Spitzer always joined in singing the "Song of the Volga Boatmen."
I say we sing the refrain of the "Song of the Volga Boatmen" once more for ole Spitzer back there!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Who'd have thought that a spring break prank would land us here instead of in jail.
The Sheriff said the jail was already full of kids on spring break.
That's a spring break law-and-order beach town!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. If Leif Erickson tells him to hit that drum again, I'm hitting him in the rear with this oar!
2. Row, row, row!
3. Freedom, freedom, freedom!
4. Lets sing for he's a jolly old fellow.
5. I lost count, how many bottles of beer did you say were on the wall.
6. I sure hope Greenland is worth the trip!
7. I say lets' mutiny!
8. He sure knows how to crack that whip.
9. I know why he has horns, do you?
10. He says he's a Viking but he's the DEVIL!
11. My wife's going to kill me if I'm late again!
Nancy Nelson
CORRECTION: Liked numbers 5 and 11

"I think he had a bad night"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"Frequent flier rewards are not what they used to be"
John Lonergan, Whitsett
Nice.

"Our system's not perfect, but it's still the best in the world."
Larry Surber, Stoneville

Got to your blog tonight for first time. You are overwhelmed, inundated,
drowning in entries (many quite good, others so-so) and picking winners
must be a blind-fold dart game.
Thanks, Bill. It does pretty much boil down to a guess by the end.
Hope you get some sleep.
zzzzzzzz
Suggest you consider age brackets, as humor is somewhat related to
generational background.
So for the very senior division this week:
1) "Frankly, I'd rather be paying four dollars a gallon"
2) "Remind me, what movie are we in?"
3) "Next week he's gonna be on Dancing With the Stars!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro.
Generally, I don't know the ages of winners, but I know of at least one senior citizen winner and I highly suspect I've had others.

"I love this one! They'd have to whip me NOT to move to it."
"Look at the bright side, we get plenty of fresh air and exercise."
"You have to admit - the beat is rather infectious."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Good ones, especially the first one, which made the short-short list.

"Rowing is so easy, even these cavemen can do it!"
Susan Thompson, Reidsville

When I ask him if we are there yet, all he will say is, "Row, Row, Row your boat.
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

Man, those vikings sure got rhythm!
James R. Pitcher, Greensboro

"Yeah the fax read 3 sun-filled days in the Caribbean for $99....I can't wait. "
Les Gray, Belews Creek

"I love two across seating."
"Do you think they serve lunch?."
"Does the drummer take requests?"
"... the upside is we get to see the world."
"What's the matter with row, row, row your boat?"
"I told you stand-by was a bad idea."
"Spaulding had a better rhythm"
"These reality shows are stretching a bit."
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Greensboro

"Let's request a Latin rhythm."
Deb Meehan, Graham

"when they said Economy Class Cruise this is NOT what I expected!"
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro

12. If only Thor could see us now!
13. I wonder if the wenches in this new world will like us!
14. At least we're not on a deserted island!
15. I thought he said this was a three-hour tour!
16. Gone fishing, for what!!
17. Where's Superman when you need him.
18. Hungary, hungary, hungary!
19. Do you think those deserted island men will share their coconuts?
20. Hasn't this guy heard of harrassment!!
21. Who recommended me for this job??
( It's definitely a harder cartoon, hope I thought up something)
Nancy Nelson

1. "This is the last time I answer a blind ad in the News and Record."
2. "Can you believe this was suppose to be a prize I won?"
3. "I thought Rosie said this would be a fun family cruise."
4. "Gilligan, next time let me choose who rescues us off the island."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

1. no one say "row row anything"
2. they could have asked us nicely, what's up witht the chains.
3. well it's alot better than my last job
4. and how far are we going.
Stacey Phifer

'Where is the buffet?'
"Are they Panther fans?"
'Where is the health club?'
'What do you think they are doing on the promenade deck?'
'Do they have a shuffleboard tournament?'
'Did you bring your tux?'
'Is tonight the midnight chocolate buffet?'
'I get the window on the return trip.'
'Ah, Sea Air and Sunshine.'
'Do you have any SPF35?'
'How long do we have in town?'
'He's better than Captain Jack Sparrow."
'Next time, let's go Royal Caribbean.'
'I hear that this is a triple miles cruise.'
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro
Lots of good ones. Read my intro note above.

"You know, I'm thinking of getting a sailboat when I retire."
"The rowing kinda sucks, but they're supposed to have a really good buffet on this ship."
"This time we'll sing it in a round. Row, row, row your boat..."
"Do you think we'll get to play shuffleboard later?"
D Theall (David, you forgot to put your name on your entries. Nice ones, by the way.)

"We got the sunny side.
Aren't you glad I'm employee of the month?"
Joe Benson, Greensboro
The "employee of the month" one had potential - but needed work.

"My teacher always said I would go far."
Arista Shelton, Greensboro
Hee

"Look, two guys on an island"
"Look, three guys and a cow"
"SUP Chris?"
"OU, OU, OU, A Flo-thru"
"At least we have faces"
"BEST SPRING BREAK EVER!!!"
"Rock the boat, Don't tip the boat over"
"I hear its covered in green plants"
"Just think of them as Ankle Bracelets"
"I'm voting for John McCainson"
"Can you feel the beat, can ya, can ya feel the beat"
"Why aren't the strong people rowing"
"And the best part is we won't even get credit for it"
"99 lashes of whips on my back, 99 lashes of whips, Ya mess up, they slashyou up, 98 lashes of whips on my back"
Park Groves, Greensboro
We really liked the last one. Normally I encourage shorter captions, but that one worked. However, it was so long that running it in the runner-up position would have taken up two-three slots. So, we picked our next favorite of yours, which we also liked (see above)

"I thought the "Men's Club for Hair" was something different than this."
"I heard that if we did well, we would get T-shirts".
"It's not the size of his whip it's how he uses it".
"I hear there's a layover in Iceland".
"So this is Sky Bus's new Company, Water Bus, cut backs are rough".
scott smith, McLeansville

NOW I see why this cruise was so cheap.
I will never get this song out of my head.
I can get past the beatings but this dress code is going to far.
I wonder if there is a buffet.
Look at the bright side, we are giving off zero pollution.
Best tan ever !!!
Pass it on, tonight we make a break for it.
Boy, did I answer the wrong E-mail !!
My one year old answered the phone and the next thing I know is I'm here.
One more time " Row, row, row your boat.
You can bet this is going on my blog.
I'm going to ask for longer breaks. What's the worst thing that can happen?
I think Captain Bligh is losing them.
That guy looks familiar.
Join the Navy see the world my foot.
It could be worse, you could be a Duke fan.
I forget are we starboard or portside ?
It's not too late, to whip it, whip it good.
I got to read the fine print. I thought I was signing with the Minnesota Vikings.
Darrell Clark

I just love the leg room in the emergency exit row.
I heard their serving fish sticks for dinner tonight.
I could listen to this song all day long.
Our new Dental Plan covers both teeth.
These trips are so much cheaper since they eliminated beverage service.
Hard to believe he only finished second in Norwegian Idol!
Don Armstrong, Greensboro

"It's a decent coach product, and I'm stingy with my miles."
M. Morrow, New Orleans LA

We need a little LED ZEPLIN !!!!!!!
He can draw anything...just not a full band.....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I've got a nasty splinter, but I'm afraid for Thor to take a look at it!"
"That's not a barking spider...I know you had beans for lunch!"
"Let's look on the bright side. We're up the creek, but we've got a paddle!"
"Where are those Level 5 rapids?"
"Do you think they'd be offended if I said Aaaaarrgh?"
"Hee Hee...Thor shaves!"
"Keira's a whole lot better-looking than you guys!"
"The brochure never mentioned chafing manacles!"
"Sorry, but it is a poop deck!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Thor shaves and poop deck were considered.

A man's got to have a hobby.
I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance.
I still say this beats paying first class.
The real work is going on down below-Gilligan is peddling his bamboo bicycle.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

I wish he'd beat out a few bars of INAGADA-DAVIDA.
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

"Everybody on the right now, Row, row, row your boat...."
"I think they are taking this 'Survivor Show' a bit too far."
"I was just telling Fred that I had never been on a cruise before....."
"Wait, I know that tune."
"I just love the way he plays those drums."
"I wonder what hotel we'll be staying in tonight."
"One of these days we will be sipping brews by the pool and get a big laugh over this."
"I just had to answer that e-mail. The one that says you have won an all expensive paid vacation."
Mitch in Nashville
Liked the handling of the first one, the second best "row your boat entry" I received.
And liked the simplicity of the "Wait, I know that tune." one - a contender.

"He has a nice tan, don't you think?"
Tina in Nashville

"Stro....hey, jinx, you owe me a Coke."
"The jokes on them, my passport's a phony."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the first one - but it's hard to pull off in a static cartoon.

"You're right. This sports sunscreen doesn't burn my eyes at all."
"I'm sure it was an oversight but he forgot to show us the exits."
"And the best part is, at dinner, there's no assigned seating."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I hear Rosie O'Donnell wanted to come along until she found out it was an "all male" cruise.
If you would row faster, we wouldn't be going in circles.
One more verse of Row, Row, Row your boat and I'll scream.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"I can't explain it, I've got a craving for pound cake topped with whipped cream."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Isn't this Viking fantasy camp everything you expected and more!?"
"This Viking fantasy camp's worth every bit of the $5,000!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Stop whining! You're the one that wanted to invest everything in Bear Stearns stock."
Joe Benson, Greensboro
Topical. Cute.

...you light up my life...you give me hope...to carry on...
Joe Benson, Greensboro
OK. I just liked the plain goofiness of this one.

Yeah, but just think of all the money we're saving on gym memberships!
Mike Smith, Greensboro

"Compared to the last job that I had, this one is Great!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...If you look to your right, you'll see Cuba..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Imagine we are on a cruise ship....and he is...(gulp) Richard Simmons ...
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"It's not just a Job! It's an Adventure!!"
"...Don't think of it as a Job! It's an Adventure!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Here's my entry for this week's cartoon:
"I spy with my little eye..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...And that's why I use SPF 45."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well, it's got a good beat but it's hard to dance to."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I wonder if they'd let us sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Check out those two Crash Test Dummies sitting behind us!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I wonder if they'd let us sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'm so bored, I think I'll get seasick!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do you think there's any way we could fish while we're rowing?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Well, it doesn't exactly look like the brochure from the Travel Agency, but I'm an optimist!!"
"Well, I admit it doesn't look like the cruise on the brochure, but they probably used a different camera!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...I just close my eyes and find my happy place!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Do you think we could get the men on the left to sing 'Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream', while we're singing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'??"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"What are the chances that I could get the drummer to trade places with me for a time?"
"What are the odds that this boat is heading for Hawaii?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"For a joke, let's quit rowing, and see how long it takes them to notice that we're rowing in circles!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"We're on a 'Joke's On You' search for Bob Mannary. We fear he was lost at sea."
(Come back Bob...you're letting Nancy get ahead of you!!)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I keep a light burning in my window for Bob.
And by the way, has anyone seen Joel Clark?

"It's not so bad being downwind of Erik now that he's using Old Spice."
"Tomorrow we head for Constantinople, I hear wind is only $2.99 per gust there."
"Tomorrow we head for Constantinople, I hear you can travel for only $2.99 per galley there."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"The name of the ship? Handbasket."
"Isn't that Geraldine Ferraro and Reverend Wright sitting in front of us?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Just be glad we weren't scheduled for the container ship."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1. Boy, what a great drum beat!
2. At least we are on the sunny side of the ship.
3. Wait until I get back and see my travel agent.
4. My travel agent is going to be in big trouble.
5. This is what the cruise line calls an "economy cruise".
6. The IRS will never believe why I am going to file my taxes late.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Bjorn back there promised to play 'Wipeout' this afternoon."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I got the $10 ticket !!!"
"I thought I booked the "free style" cruise ?!"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville
Nice Skybus reference.

22. Why did I sign up for this rowing team?
23. I bet he has helmet hair!
24. Do you think he's bald?
25. Land ho, land ho!
26. I sure wish they'd get the motor fixed!
27. I'd rather go for a walk.
28. I said GENTLY down a stream!
29. Did he say we're going to Minnesoto for a ballgame?!
30. Have you see Ariel, she's beautiful ?!
31. I'd rather be on the crew of a cruise ship!
32. Do you think we can beat that NYAC rowing team this year?!
33. Look out, I feel sick!
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

I THOUGHT HE WAS A LITTLE PITCHY IN THE BEGINNING.
Jerry Gartrell
cute

Hey man, this is like a walk in the park.? Good thing you weren't here last week when Buddy Rich was the drummer.
George Subasavage, Greensboro
Nice one, a contender. Maybe needed to be shorter ...?

"And the beat goes on, woo, woo..."
Hal Koger

"My recruiter said I should take this job because there's no telling when an opportunity as good will come along."
Davida Foley, Greensboro

"So then I says to Borg...'Ya know, as long as we're here, one of us ought to moon these Saxon dogs'"
"It's got a good beat and it's easy to row to."
Luke VanHoy, Summerfield
Good ones. Both were short-listers

(1) - "If only I were a REAL chain smoker."
(2) - "I like that beat!"
Ken Keith, Oak Ridge

The drummer is no Ringo Starr but he has a great beat!
And my teacher said I would never amount to anything.
Are you sure Gilligan started like this?
Is this a great cruise or what?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Look on the bright side- we could be running for President.
This reverse affirmative action is not what I thought it would be!
Ron Harris, Reidsville

34. I keep telling him the World is FLAT.
35. Sink or Swim!
36. My ankles are killing me!
37 What does he mean Row or Sink?!
Nancy Nelson

"I wish he would beat out a few bars of INAGADA-DAVIDA."
Debbie Moore Saxapahaw

My bank wasn't kidding with "severe penalty for early withdrawal."
Cathy FitzGerald

"The ad said "Bored? Join the Viking Navy".
"My wife said "Get a job, any job" so here I am"
"This Weight-Lose cruse is working!!
"The travel agent was right, fresh air and a great view!"
"Don't you think "Annihilator" is a great boat name"
"You all know the words, let's sing "Louie Louie..."
"All right everyone "Row, row, row your boat..."
"I hear the captain wants to water ski, maybe I can go after him"
"Now like the M&Ms "Rock the boat, don't rock the boat, baby...!"
"I wonder if my cell phone works out here?"
"Do you think this ship carries the NCAA tournament?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Now everybody, 98 bottles of mead on the wall..."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Nice twist on the 99 bottles of beer song.

"Ivar says he’ll spring for ABBA tickets if we make Stockholm by sundown!"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Hope you had a nice vacation.
Thanks. I did.
1. What ever you do, don't call him Hussein!
2. Being we are shackled together and sleep together, would you please cut your toenails?
3. He's got a butterfly tramp stamp. Pass it on.
4. Wouldn't you think by now, that these idiots would have invented the sail?
5. Who are those + and - guys in the rear?
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

This is better than Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean.
Dick Elli, Pleasant Garden

"I'm writing a science fiction novel in which all of the boats go on their own power."
Nelson Harrill, Greensboro

1. "Everyone's doing so great on this Nordic Weight Loss Cruise!"
2. "I love the drummer's rendition of "Beat It". "
3. "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay My, oh my what a wonderful day..."
4. "I spy something brown."
5. "I really like the tough guy with the whip."
6. "His hat reminds me when I was lost at sea with me matey's and a bull..."
7. "Hey, that's Tim in the back. He used to draw cartoons for the "Odin Times"."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
1. "I hear we're doing a pre-quel to 'Deliverance.'"
2. "Just like disco ... 120 beats per minute."
3. "The task-master likes me ... he called me 'chum.'"
4. "This gives me an idea for a board game ... 'Monotony.'"
5. I'll figure out a way out of this, or my name isn't Evinrude!"
6. "We're headed to someplace called Niagra Falls."
8. "We're in time trials against some guy named Columbus."
9. "We've gotta be safe in a boat named Titanic!"
10. "Great! Everybody's in a window or aisle seat."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"If Charlton Heston can escape from this and then win the chariot race I can too."
"We supply renewable energy that does not contribute to global warming."
"Shanghai Cruise Line's brochure did not say anything about this!"
Norman Welker, Greensboro

THE OPTOMIST: "This must be what they call 'our place in the sun.'"
Jean Herring, High Point

"I wish people would wait until fuel prices go down before taking a cruise."
Ron Blevins, Randleman

"Since when did Vikings operate galleys!"
"Introduce me to your sister Ben-him."
"Dimitri ought to hire these guys for the percussion section."
"This is a local. The express is really hard work."
"Yo, Spitzer, the judge thought we were hanging around with oars."
"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, huh?"
"That scoundral! He made us think he was a legitamate Navy recruiter."
Max Harless, High Point

"Oh, No! The captain wants to water ski."
Art Newnam, Greensboro

"Wow! He's playing our song."
Donald H. Brown, Greensboro

1. "Ironically, I stole the King's outboard motor!"
2. "Don't worry, I hid the water skis."
3. "I still wouldn't trade places with Bill Clinton."
4. "Hey man, plenty of sun, sit-down job, no campaign updates."
5. "I was the captain of the VALDEZ, this is community service."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Frank Freeman wrote: "...I must admit that most of the time what you chose was better than mine."
Thanks, Frank. A lot of what doesn't get chosen is actually very good, we just don’t have the space. I wish I had the space for a few more this week, but, that's why we have the blog.
Flatulence was a popular theme this week (stop that snickering.) Also popular was the always reliable "Mom, he’s touching me" theme, our favorite of which was the winner.

WINNER
'Mom, He's touching me again'
Karen Jones, Reidsville
It was the word "again" implying the usual never-ending back-seat arguments that raised this one above the others on this theme.
See? The subtlest things make a difference.

RUNNERS-UP
"It's not you; it's me. I just need some space."
Kris Voy, Trinity

Boy , we are packed in here like .... nevermind.
Darrell Clark

"Hey Charlie, what time does that Claustrophobia Support Group meet?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Is that you Nemo?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

I've been canned!
Nancy Nelson
Proof that Shorter is usually better

"Good Night John Boy."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Bob, you're going to have to see the Doctor about your restless fins."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Shirley's got the big-head since they put her picture on the tin."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Stop texting me, I’m right here."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

THE REST
"Uh oh, maybe I should have turned left at Albuquerque".
Doug Clayton, Mcleansville

2. I should have stayed in SCHOOL.
3. It sure is crowded in here.
4. I hate crowds.
5. This place is packed!
6. I ordered the deluxe coffin.
7. But my name is Charlie!
8. I' m Alive, I'm Alive!
9. I'm swimming with the fishes, NOT!
10. Dead fish don't talk!
11. Dead fish can't talk!
12. This stinks!
13. It smells bad in here!
14. I'd rather be swimming!!.
15. I'm clastrophobic!
( It was good to see some new names among the winner and runners up this week)
Nancy Nelson
I agree. Also, This represents, I think, your strongest week so far with several good ones.

I told you we should have skipped school today.
David Robinette
Good one David - made my short list

16. I thought I was on the endangered species list.
17. I'm just cat food now!
18. Who said fish oil is good for you?
19. It's dark in here.
20. Just EAT me!
21. Dead fish tell no tales!
22. If you're reading this, my will is under our rock.
23. Who turned out the lights!
Nancy Nelson

"Hey, Joe, do you think a fart would smell in here?"
Glenda Layton, Carthage
We can never get the word "fart" printed in our paper, I think.

"Bill, I do hope that's your elbow jabbing me down there."
"I hope the guys can't tell that I didn't put on any deodorant."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I see what they mean by packed in their own juice."
"Whew, who cut the cheese?"
"All those years of schooling, for this?"
Rick Meehan Graham

"Something fishy is going on in here".
Stephanie Stevens, Madison

"Well, it's not like you're opening a can of worms!"
"Why aren't we a pizza favorite?"
"Help! I'm still alive!"
"Mom, he's touching me!"
"We taste just like chicken!"
"Are we kin to Saltines?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Talk about being canned."
JAMES O. DURHAM, Greensboro

"Too Close for Comfort"
"I use dial, don't you wish everybody did?"
"All Dressed Up and No where to Go"
"You're Swimming in the Wrong Direction"
Mary Oyewole, Greensboro

This is what I call togetherness.
Shirley Stultz, Climax

24. I can't breathe in here!
25. Save the Sardines!
26. I expect to be treated with some respect.
27. Eat more TUNA! 28. Eat more HUMANS!?
29. I'll make your breathe smell bad.
30. I'm letting ASPCA know about this!
31. I See DEAD FISH!!
32. I wanted to be buried at sea.
33. Fishing with nets is inhuman.
Nancy Nelson

"Why did they cut off our heads?"
"So we wouldn't bite each other in the can!"
Herb Werner, High Point
Cute. This would have worked better in a single sentence.

"If I'm a sardine, the conveyor belt is really broken."
Hally Rankin
OK I'm not sure I get this ...

"Wow, what a party, it's packed out in here!"
Mike Tilley, Greensboro
Good one - made the short list

How can they say we're not in a recession?? We all got canned!
Robyn Weissburg, Greensboro

"Oh GOD, you didnt,.. nooooo you didnt! How could you? HERE??????
Sedric Styles- Greensboro

"Jeez! We're packed like humans in New York City inside here!!
Sedric Styles- Greensboro
Clever

"Ok class, that wraps up our demo of being locked in the bathroom. Now...who has the key?"
"Something's really fishy in here!"
Dick Schubert, Summerfield

"I can't wait to get a breath of fresh air"
Ann Hamlet, Asheboro

Gosh Bob, I told you to LAY OFF THE BEANS!!!!
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro

"Anyone bring a guitar?"
"Maybe we should have taken the bus."
"Okay, okay.we should have taken the bus."
"This isn't the bus?"
"And I thought the schools were overcrowded."
"I don't remember getting into an elevator...."
"The last thing I remember is swimming into the mosh pit."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Move over - gimme some room!"
Grab the saltines, eat your heart out. Together, we're "to die for."
"If you've got arthritis in that hand, FORGET IT!"
Barbara Collins Golding, Reidsville

We are packed in here like an LA Traffic Jam.
Please let it be Alton Brown.
I told you we shouldn't have gone to school today.
I was hoping to be packed in Italian olive oil.
I wonder if were headed to Sweden?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"M-o-omm, Bobby's touching my side of the can!"
Patrice Hawkins Sigmon, High Point
Very strong second to the winner.

"Can you hear me now?"
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

How am I going to tell the family I've been canned?
Kathi Faurote

"I told you if we ate that funny smelling seaweed, we would wind up in the can!"
Chris Myott, Eden

1. At least Jonah had some squirm room !
2. Moby Dick and Jaws will snack'em for this !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Made from real TUNA!
MADE FROM TURKEY
"MY NAME IS SPONGEBOB, IS ANYONE OUT THERE? HELP!!!"
SBAM
STAREDFISH
FROM OVER FISHED OCEANS!
NOW WITH MORE MERCURY!
Now With a LEGAL amount of Mercury
Park Groves, Greensboro
Good idea with the mercury, but needed work.

1. My other classroom is a moble unit.
2. Before budget cuts, I taught in a mobile unit.
3. Funding from the NC education lottery is the key.
4. Next election, I will vote "for"
5. New school bonds
Cynthia Shores, Ramseur
Liked number 1 a lot

"We're packed in here like sardines!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Boy! I'll never go on another blind date again.
J Burnside

1. I swam over the dam, what did you do to get in the can ?
2. I thought you said we were going to Sardinia !
3. Our price is going up because of oil !
4. Wonder what our expiration date is ?
Frank Leonard, Lexington

34. I'm the cold fish now!
35. I'm blind I can't see a thing in here.
36. Did I get Star-Kissed?
37. Holy mackeral get me out of here!
Nancy Nelson

"It's still roomier than that place I had in lower Manhattan."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Ok, who farted?
Everyone concentrate........Turn key, Turn.
Someone's deodorant failed.
Hey whats a pickled herring doing in here?
I'm sure this is Sponge Bobs fault.
Of course we're packed in here like sardines, we are sardines.
Well somebody up front yelled NET!!, but it was too late.
Ssshh!, somebody out there just opened a pack of crackers.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

1. "Get your fin out of my back!"
2. "I enjoy spooning but this is ridiculous."
3. "Slide over!"
4. "Something stinks!"
5. "Mom, he's touching me."
Robert Atwood, Greensboro
Really liked number two - One of the "few" I mentioned above I wished I could have included.

"Nate, I sure hope that's your dorsal sticking in my side."
"It's so dark I can't see my fins in front of my face."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Well the furnace just went out so everyone huddle close together."
"Miss, do you mind if I'm smoked?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked both of these

"Something smells fishy in here!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"OK, who let one???"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

1. Let's Cuddle!
2. I have to go to the potty.
3. I wonder what they are having for supper?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"I heard they're working on a keyless entry with remote".
"I know what your thinking, ...it wasn't me".
"Did someone forget their Beano today".
scott smith, mcleansville

Ciao!! Baby!!
"Let me out! The smell of fish is killing me!"
"I am alive! Let me out"
"Why did they pack a squid in here? All eight arms are around me!!"
"Scratch your back?!! Idiot, we're packed in here!!
"Life is cruel. On day things are swimming. The next day you are canned!"
"Oh no, she's an anchovies!!
"Who invited the anchovies to join us?"
"It's a little snug in here. I wonder what happens next?"
"Siamo molti buone, marinoto nel olio d'oliva" (we are very good, marinated in olive oil)
"Yes, we are all in oil. No, a message is out!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

38. Something smells fishy.
Nancy Nelson

PHEEW - Why didn't you wait until you got out of here for that.
Nancy Collie, Reidsville

"Excuse me, where's the little gills' room?"
Kris Voy, Trinity

Hey buddy, what are you looking at?
Boy, we are packed in here like .... nevermind.
Hey, don't smoke that in here .
John, I never knew you were Jewish.
No, I'm just happy to see you.
For the last time you can't have your own bedroom.
I think someone just picked my pocket.
STOP TOUCHING ME !!!!!
Don't brag , we are just poor man's sushi.
That's my armrest.
Darrell Clark

1. "Who's touching me? "
2. "Move over! We're packed in here like...sorry. "
3. "I thought you were suppose to bring the crackers. "
4. "I can't.. the key is outside. "
Rosslyn Edwards, Greenboro

"I'm too sexy for all this..... ! "
Gene Leggett

This isn't the turnkey housing I had in mind.
Who eats sardines anyway?
We HAD to swim in open waters today, didn't we?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

It's too late to stop and ask for directions.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro
These are probably pretty lame, but I'll give it a try anyway.
"Alright, who cut the cheese?"
"Locked the key outside again, didn't you!?"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

Oh, no…it’s Melba!
Though I swim through the valley of the shadow of toast….
Whoa…when did the toast get here?
Pâté? What happened to par-tay?
Pâté? No par-tay?
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Has everyone had their Botulism Vaccine?"
"Does anyone know if we are microwavable or not?"
"Something sure is fishy about this week's JOY cartoon."
"OK, who forgot to pay the Duke Energy bill this month?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

1. Where did you hide the key? I'm breaking out of here!
2. If we hadn't been in that bed together, we wouldn't be in this pickle now.
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

"Hey Vern...pull my fin"
All right! Who did that?
Something really smells fishy in here.
Could somebody scratch that for me?
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro
The first one was one of "the few" I mentioned above that I wanted to include.

SNAIL MAIL
"We fell for that one hook, line and sinker!"
"We're safe until the crackers show up."
"What happened to catch and release.?"
"Who are you callin' fish-breath?"
"We might as well be airline passengers."
"That's French for 'stinky fish.'"
"I hope the expiration dates are just a myth."
"The last thing I remeber is this big net ..."
"Wait til they get a whiff of this new scratch-and-sniff container!"
"Who farted? ... Who cares?"
"Oh, yeah? Well, you're just one step up from an anchovie!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

"I wonder how long this quarantine will last?"
Hy Rodman, Greemnsboro

"Do you come here often?"
Audrey Crater, Greensboro
Good one.

"Move over a tad, I need to scratch my back."
"Mother told me there would be days like this."
Norman Welker, Greensboro
Liked the last one.

"Hey everybody, let's find the TV changer."
"WOW! This is the longest spring break ever!"
"Hey, did you hear that? We're going out to lunch!"
"Guess I shouldn't have dropped out!"
"Excuse me, how long has the power been out?"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Nobody in here named Prince Albert. Maybe you're thinking of Prince Oscar."
"What's your sign? Pisces."
"We need Lebenstraum." (?)
"How come salmon are put in round cans?"
"Have you had your omega oils today?"
"Actually, most of us don't come from Sardinia."
Max Harless, High Point

"Hey, we're packed in here like a can of sardines!"
Janice Catoe, Liberty

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I try to choose only one in each "category" of captions I receive. The downside: many very good, but similar entries get left out. Sometimes the choice is simply who got it to me first. Darrell Clark beat returning multi-winner Joel Clark (any relation?) to the punch in their very similar captions.
But, Joel threw down the gauntlet to fellow three-time winner and MIA captioner Bob Mannary for a race to see who can be the first to win their fourth award. How bout it Bob?

WINNER
Watch yourself buddy, that's how I ended up here.
Darrell Clark

RUNNERS-UP
"Don't hurt me, I have newborn maggots at home."
Rick Meehan, Graham
Any caption with the word "Maggots" has to be considered.

"Nice website! You design it?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
The best of the "web-site" entries I thought. Simple, conversational-sounding.

"Nice tattoo . What is that, an hourglass?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
original

"If you knew where I've been today, you would not be so quick to eat me."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro
Several entered with this subject. I liked the wording of this one best. Was strong contender for winner.

"I was here first!"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro
We're not sure why this one appealed to us - it just did.

"Shouldn't you be in a water spout somewhere?"
Park Groves Greensboro
Several were entered in the "Itsy-bitsy" category.
This beat out strong competition from snail-mailer Bill Wallace and Joel Clark.

"Hooray! You've come to rescue me!"
Ken Layton, Carthage
What set this one above the others in the "thinks the spider is there to help" category was the word "hooray." Not only did it fit the fly's expression, but as I have said before, nothing's funnier than unbridled optimism in a hopeless situation.

"Wasn't your husband filling enough?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

THE REST
"Please, BEE nice"
Andy Bullard, Summerfield

l. Grandma what big eyes you have!
2. I didn't see this one coming.
3. I hope you'll here to rescue me.
4. The FDA rated me Grade D.
5. My GPS is broken!
6. I didn't mean to deceive!
7. This is entrapment.
8. So you're the blimp on my radar.
9. I was blindsided. 10. Now I know why they said those Hills have Eyes.
11. I forgot what the fly is supposed to say to the spider.
12. I'd rather be a fly on the wall, not one in this net.
13. Those people at the pollen station gave me bad directions.
14. You're scaring me!
Nancy Nelson
Number 3 was considered, (see note for ken's above.)
Also liked the GPS one. The entrapment one was interesting.
Still, we had other entries below in the same categories.

Guess this means my flight's going to be delayed, huh?
Jay Moore, Jamestown

"Papa told me to stay away from gals with an hourglass figure!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

What's for dinner?
Is there something I can do for you?
Is this the World Wide Web?
I like what you've done with the place.
Why can't we be friends?
I was just hanging around ...
Do you know Peter Parker?
Do you have something larger?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

OH, is this YOUR parlor?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

Would it help or hurt if I told you all the filthy places I've been?
So how long did it take you to learn macrame?
So that's what you meant by "dine in"!
Here comes a kid with a stick . . . made ya look!!!
How about on our second date we go to the city dump?
Not a bad pad, but Charlotte's web is nicer.
I see one side of your web is still under construction.
And we also offer a "wind-driven rain" insurance policy.
Nice web -- it really captures the sparkling morning dew.
Speaking as a realtor, it's all about location, location, location.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"I dialed 911 an hour ago. What took you so long?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Now, don't do anything rash. Don't you know flies carry millions of diseases?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

WHOAAA!!!!!! STAGE LEFT!
GEORGIA COURTS, GREENSBORO

I'm stuck! I hope you're the web master?
Bob Muir, Greensboro

"Sorry to bother you; I was just surfing."
Jack Helfand, Greensboro.

"Fly- it's not just for breakfast anymore!"
Donna Turner, Eden

15. You have an interesting WEBsite!
Nancy Nelson

Nice parlor!
I'm here to visit your website.
I thought you meant you had a real website.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

16. I didn't practice to deceive.
17. I'm Sorry I made such a mess in your nest.
18. You should be border patrol!
19. Wouldn't you rather have a big Mac?!
20. Spin me a big yarn okay.
21. I'm praying for rain, so we'll both be washed out.
22. You ain't no itsy-bitsy spider!
23. Elmer's glue isn't this sticky!
Nancy Nelson

"Sorry....wrong website!"
Carol Rebb, Summerfield

1. I just swallowed insecticide!
2. You look like a vegeterian!
3. We're cousins, get that look out of your eyes!
4. I'll tell you where the honey is!
Rosslyn Edwards - Greensboro

24. I've sure got myself into a sticky situation this time.
25. I know where theres a whole can of sardines.
26. Guys this joke isn't funny anymore!
27. I could use Cupid's help!
29. Where's Superman now?!
30. Don't touch me again.(Couldn't resist)
31. I don't think I can talk myself out of this one.
32. Stay back, I know karate.
33. I'm stuck on your WEBsite!
34. Are you a building contractor?
35. Wow, how much did this cost you?
Nancy Nelson

"I promise, if I am the democratic nominee, I will make you VP"
Amy, Greensboro

The fly says to the spider, "Let's make a deal."
Linda Atkins, Greensboro

"Hey Longlegs, What time's breakfast served around here?"
Louis Tellez, Jamestown

So-o-o, what's for dinner?
Chuck Mortimore, Greensboro

"Don't mind me, I'm just surfing the web."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"This is not what they mean when they say you can make a killing on the web!"
Jake Hochrein, Greensboro

1. This is the last time you will see me in the Dew-Drop Inn !
Frank C. Leonard, Jr., Lexington

1. Promise, I will never bug you again !
Frank C. Leonard, Jr, Lexington

Please Passover, I'm not kosher!
Frank Leonard, Lexington

Wow ! Silk stockings !
Frank Leonard, Lexington

Oops ! Wrong web site !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Stop ! You're making me bug-eyed!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Look, we got off to a bad start, can we re-think this?
Tish

I hate being stuck here with you !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You're spinning me, aren't you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Toodle-oo !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I'd perfer a bowl of soup!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Beware I'm a black belt in fly kwon do!"
Deb Meehan, Graham

"Oh, no thanks I’m fine"
"Can you tuck the other side in just an itsy bitsy bit more"
"Don’t worry I’ll still write a good review"
"You sure got me"
"Don’t spiders have 8 eyes?"
"What? No how was your stay?"
"I just love this web’s location"
"…and then she said go bug someone else, so now I’m here"
"It’s no Marriot, but better than a Motel 6"
"I have 453 kids and a demanding wife at home… so dig in"
"I think you just feeling insecure with yourself"
Park Groves Greensboro

"Sure take the short cut they said."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Oh what a tangled web we weave."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"You need to "stage" this web a little better."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Is this how your husband died?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"I'm just skin and bones."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"My mom said not to talk to strangers...So what's your name?"
Hally Lee Rankin.Greensboro

"I've got a wife and kids."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Listen, there is no reason why we can't be civil."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey, have you heard of the World Wide Web?"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro
"Are you my father? "

"Hey, can you give me a hand, I'm kinda stuck."
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

"Hey, can I get a light?"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

"Are you my Father?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey man! No solicitors!!"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

1. "That pile you snatched me off of was NOT mud."
2. "Do you realize I'm loaded with trans fat?"
3. "This is no way to get me to go out with you."
4. "You're going to get caught in a web of lies trying
to explain what happened to me."
5. "These are the ties that bind."
6."Ask yourself this, What would Spiderman do?"
8. "Why not be like spiderman, eat REAL food."
9. "Let me go, I don't want to be in CSI Greensboro"
10."Hey, I'm really not into this bondage thing."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

"You'd think twice if you knew where I landed earlier!"
"Before you do anything, consider where I dine!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"A hundred eyes and I missed the no fly zone sign."
"I see you're not a stickler for the sanitation grade."
"I'm a Chinese fly, you'll be hungy again in 30 minutes."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"My, Grandma! What big eyes you have!"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown

Still Trying...
1) "Wow! Look at those legs!"
2) "Why don't I go get some honey for the first course?"
3) "OK, show me how to surf this web."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
Still enjoying ...

"I clicked on the wrong web site."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Are you vegan?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Here I am. Now, where is the piece of candy you promised me?"
Cindy Weaver

No SPAM on my web!
John Draper, Fair Oaks, CA
California?

Another bug on the web but thank God there's no more spam.
John Draper, Fair Oaks, CA
Yep. California

1)Is this what they call Web Cam?
2)Could your name possibly be Charlotte?
3)My what big eyes you have ! Now give me the Milky Way!
4)You don't want to eat me ! I am told my head is soured!
5) Hey ! I think we are related cousin !
Catherine Duke

The fly says "Can we talk"?
Jack Markham, Greensboro

The fly says, "Didn't you ask me to wait in the parlor"?
The fly says "Didn't you ask me to wait in the parlor?"
Jack Markham, Greensboro

"You found me! Your turn to hide!"
"You got it wrong. I taste like sauerkraut, not chicken!"
"Anyone ever told you your eyes are beautiful!"
"Charlotte and I are good friends!"
"Can you give me directions to the dung heap?"
"Hey, aren't you the Inky Dinky spider?"
"Six legs, eight legs, it doesn't matter. We can be friends"
"Let me go and I will show you where my in-laws live."
"Touch me and Garfield will whack you with a newspaper!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1) "God I hope your name is Charlotte."
2) "Would it help if I told you I was a friend of Wilbur's also"
3) "Careful buddy, that's how I ended up here."
5) "I'm a huge fan . What you did to Miss Muffet was classic!"
6) "Don't you have a waterspout to climb up?"
7) "@#$%*&% MONDAYS !!! "
8) "I swear I didn't know she was your sister."
9) "Great job, if this web was any stronger it would be rope."
10) "Really, I've been sitting on a huge pile of it!!"
11) "Widow ? Somebody married you ? "
12) "Widow my foot, your husband ran away!"
13) "I'm guessing you don't mind a fly in your food?"
14) "Careful, you don't know where I've been."
15) "Actually this web is better than both sugar or vinegar."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Isn't the expression "Catch more flys with honey" not sugar?
Several good one here, Joel. Good to have you back.

"I don't suppose you have a can of WD-40 handy?"
"I just flew in from the farm, so you may need a little salt"
David Robinette

Don't even think about it!
Emma Allende

"Would it be too late for me to join your alliance?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

"I saw this thing on the news, and apparently flies are high in trans fats and HDL cholesterol."
Sherron Ashby, Madison

I regret I only have one life to give to my trash can.
I putting this on Youtube.
Bite this !!!!
I hope I give you heartburn !
This is not going to change your bad guy image.
I'm sorry ! Remember deep down I'm just a maget.
Let me go and I will lead you to some nice roadkill .
I'm too young to die. Really, I was born two days ago.
Please spare me, I have 10,000 kids !
Did I mention how I love Spiderman ?
Let me go and I will lead a pack of moths your way .
Sorry, I thought it was a trampoline.
Can't we all just get along.
In my pocket there's a fifty dollar bill with your name on it.
Darrell Clark

SPYDR...not SPIDER!!! Damn spellcheck!
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"You mean YOU'RE not married?"
"Oh, and DDT. I've been eating a lot of that lately."
"Oh please let me be a takeout."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Hurry Ralph, I've lost my glasses and that hideous beast is coming."
"You know, of course, that my trail of spit and resin will lead straight to you."
"And together, we can rule this entire ecosystem."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Eat me, baby.
Sleep with me and I'm good for dinner.
What's for chow?
I love fat-ass black girls.
I just love big black girls.
Oh, so you're a widow.
Are you my blind date?
Sorry, I didn't know anyone lived here.
Bill Lawson, Stoneville
... um ...

"Like what you've done with the new web."
"Sorry to hear of your late husband and the one before and the before that."
"Your name wouldn't happen to be Charlotte by any chance."
scott smith, McLeansville
Nice ones, Scott.

36. Can I hang with you?
37. Can I hang out with you?
38. I'm hung up on you.
39. I'm not baby food.
40. Woh, how many babies are you expecting?
41. What's for supper?
Nancy Nelson

"I can explain this invasion of your private Web sphere!"
"This is not a chance encounter!"
"Let me make you a deal, not a meal!"
"Back off or bring it on, Big Butt. I shall not be removed!"
"I spy a spi.!"
"Give me your best shot!"
Linda Kay Nalley, Purlear

"I know you're not going to believe this, but have you heard of Jeff GoldBlum??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Psst...with all of your arms, give me a few minutes, and I can help you learn to multi-task."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Compared to the last job that I had, this one is Great!!"
"HEY!!! You ought to get a look at your web from this angle...it's fabulous!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You're in luck!! I'm a web designer!!"
"Geometrically speaking, there are a lot of design flaws in your web."
"Geometrically speaking, there are a lot of design flaws in your web....I can help, if you like...."
"You're not going to believe this, but I have a degree in Feng Shui Web Design."
"Ever heard of feng shui?? Turn me loose for a sec, and I'll show you how to catch MORE flys!! Really!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Liked the first one. nice and simple.

"You may have met my cousin....SpiderMan.....Who do you think taught him to fly?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm a Chinese Fly. In a half hour, you're just going to want to eat again."
"I'm like a potato chip...you can't eat just one."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"If you let me go this week, I won't put you up on the block next week....are you in an alliance with anyone??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I don't know if you're health food conscious, but I feel it's my duty to let you know that I'm high in fat, high in carbs, and verrrry salty."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I've READ about this!!! Is this the World Wide WEB???"
"COOL!!! I've READ about this!!! Is this the World Wide WEB???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...can I tell you something?....I wasn't really into bondage until I met you, but....WOW!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"That's just creepy Mom!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Hey Babe, I notice that you seem to be a Widow....how's about you and me getting together?"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"May I borrow your nail clippers?"
"You wouldn't happen to have any nail clippers that I could borrow, do you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do I get to have a last meal?"
"I don't suppose you're bringing dinner, are you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"By any chance, do you give weaving lessons?"
"Would you be interested in teaching me to spin?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I hope you're just passing by...."
"You don't happen to just be passing through, do you?..."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Grandma...What Big Eyes You Have!!!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"You spy with your eight eyes....That's Not Funny!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"'Scuse me...what time is the next bus to the Ant Farm?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1) "I don't suppose the fact I've spent the day gorging on dog feces would change your mind, would it?"
2) "Oh, thank goodness you came along! I actually thought I might DIE here!"
3) "Hey Buddy, ... How about untying me? ... I've got a lot of crap I need take care of!"
4) "Hey, could you at least call my wife and tell her I'm a little tied up?!"
5) "Hey, you can't eat me! ... It's in my will that I want to be cremated!"
Susan & Rob Midgett, Greensboro
Liked the second one a lot. It probably needed to be a bit shorter.

"I could have sworn they said I was clear for take-off."
"I think you should know I have Mad Fly Disease."
"I should have never left that sardine can."
Gray Amick, Spider City
Spider city?

My favorite song? "The Night Has a Thousand Eyes."
Joan Lux Greensboro

"So, Charlotte, the pig says you don't believe in violence."
"Look, over there! It's Spiderman!"
Jennifer Fernandez

SNAIL MAIL
"Please tell me I'm late for dinner."
"I take it your not from travelers aid?"
"Itsy-bitsy my butt!"
"Ever consider a vegan diet."
"This tangled web deceived me."
"Could you let me go with a warning?"
"The FAA screwed up my flight path."
"You don't have to do this."
"Don't I get credit for hitting the bulls-eye?"
"I didn't realize this was a no fly zone."
"I shoulda sprung for the GPS."
"My, what big mandibles you've got!"
"Dang! Just my luck to hit a speed-trap."
"Wait a minute ... this is entrapment!"
This was a lot of fun ... great job!
Bill Wallace, High Point
Thanks, Bill. It was fun reading the entries.

"HELP! Oh, thank goodness you came by."
Samuel Breeland Jr., Pleasant Garden

"And when I win the nomination, I'll let you be my running mate!"
Cecile Mooney, Greensboro

"Oh, cleaning lady, you missed one!"
Samuel Breeland Jr., Pleasant Garden

"I know I'm behind but I'm trying to refinance."
"My name is Bond, James Bond!"
"Do you realize that Tiger's ball is right below us?"
"Better take care. My roomie is President of the United Snakes of America!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Sooo Charlotte ... I'm guessing the movie didn't do well overseas!"
Dale Carter, Athens West Virginia.

"Said the spider to the fly: 'You're my tasty pie.'"
Carol P. Allen

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

This soggy cartoon made more of you sink than swim this week. Joey's effort was the catch of the week.
We’re going to try something different next week. Let’s play: "Beat the Cartoonist!" I've written about a half-dozen gags for this week's cartoon, which I'll unveil on next week's blog. See if you can match me or beat me in a battle of wits. It shouldn't be too hard, according to some of you guys, as I'm unarmed.

WINNER
What do you mean, "You're a leg man?"
Joey Preston, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"You treat me like I don't even exist!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"You're only half the man I thought you were !"
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

I found your bag of seaweed.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"Out all night with the buoys again!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I can't believe I gave up my legs for this!"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"You gave me ick"
Kaylee Tucker, Greensboro

"WHY did I find an inflatable dolphin under the bed??"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"You know a pearl necklace is not that big of a deal down here."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE REST
1. I wouldn't spawn with you if you were the last merman in the sea!
2. Stop TAILing me.
3. Keep that thing in your... or you don't wear pants.
4. They want me to do ANOTHER movie.
5. My agent wants me to do a book signing?!
6. I'm getting a restaining order!
7. Ariel isn't the only mermaid in the sea.
8. But I don't need a bodyguard!
9. Ariel thinks she so hot.
10. If you you don't stop flirting with Ariel, it's over.
10. You're not the only merman in the sea.
11. Can't you hear, it's over.
Nancy Nelson

"This isn't how the story is supposed to end!"
Phillip Thompson

12. Leave me alone, I'm just not enchanted with you any more.
13. The way I sing, I should've been the next America Idol.
14. I told you I like human men.
Nancy Nelson

"Let me guess, you were working with little miss fake fins again."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Who's this Madison you've been splashing around with lately????
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"And just who was that minnow I saw you hooked up with?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"You think using 'Barracuda' for my ringtone is funny?"
"I called your cell...it played 'Barracuda'...I don't find you funny..."
"Why does your cell phone play 'Barracuda' when I call?"
"Sushi?!?!?! What is WRONG with you?!?!?"
"I may not be Darryl Hannah but you're no Patrick Duffy either!"
"I'm SICK of cleaning up after you! I am NOT your maid!"
"If you think that shark was scary just WAIT till I get you home..."
"Stop Messing With The Life Guards! It's NOT funny!"
"You try spawning 3000 kids and see if YOU keep your figure!"
"...and when we get home you're taking down that STUPID Singing Bass!"
"Would it really kill you to put the seat back down when you're finished?"
"Were you swimming upstream with the Salmon again?"
"I'm tired of waiting for your ship to come in..."
"You're lucky that flushing you is NOT an option...yet..."
"Do you think Ariel is prettier than me?"
"Stay out late again and you just might wake-up with a hook in your mouth..."
"For the last time STAY OUT OF BIKINI BOTTOM!!!"
"Say it again and I'll Throw You To The Sharks!"
"I just found a copy of Splash! hidden in the closet...care to explain?"
"Do these scales make my butt look big?"
"Why is there a charge from Red Lobster on the credit card bill?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Nice Sponge-Bob reference

"If you really wanted to work, you'd take that job over ar Gorton's."
Ken Layton, Carthage

I'm not your maid, I'm your mermaid !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You want a piece of what . . ."
Al Madden

Well it sure smells fishy to me!
James D. Kennedy

"Go fish!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"The catch of the day, you are not!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Calm-up, you're making my scales peel!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Well Mary, I see you have been to Denmark
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Go chase your own tail awhile!"
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

"Keep those lobster claws where I can see them!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Been to Mermaid Tavern again, Shakespeare?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Sushi! Again?"
"You tell King Titan you need a raise."
"You were supposed to be home at High Tide."
"I saw you kissing Ariel!"
"I was wondering when you would surface."
"Are you trying to bait me?"
"Something's fishy!"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro
Liked the sushi one

"Where did those blonde scales come from?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Your story sounds fishy to me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Something is very fishy here!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Stop floundering over me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Please ! No more fish stories!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Who is Ariel!?!?!"
Marcus Purcell
Nice. simple.

"I'm Hot!"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"You are not seaworthy of me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You make me seasick for not choosing me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Have you been swimming with the tourists again?"
"Your subscription to Field & Stream arrived today...Pervert!"
"Your 'Fish Gone Wild!' DVD arrived today..."
"Oh...Just for the Halibit huh? You're not AT ALL funny..."
"Spring Break is no place for YOU Mister!"
"Swimming along the shoreline and yelling SHARK! is NOT funny Bruce!"
"Get your tail BACK to the castle RIGHT NOW!"
"I think you've finally jumped the shark..."
"I found a plastic diver, a treasure chest, and a skeleton under your bed...care to explain?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Liked the "Field and Stream" reference for some reason.

Most certainly, having children is out of the question.
Peter Peiffer, Greensboro

"your explanation sounds fishy to me".
James R. Pitcher, Greensboro

WHAT do you mean she's just an eel?
George Subasavage

"Just 'cuz I'm a merMaID doesn't mean I'll clean up after you!"
"What exactly were you doing with that blow fish!?"
"You think my finn is too big!"
"Aquaman never complained about how much money I spent!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
LOVED the blow fish one, but like the "blow-hole" caption below, I thought it was a bit risque.
It's just the word "blow"

That tall "tail" sounds fishy to me!
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

What do you mean my tail looks fat?
venita burwell, greensboro

What do you mean my tail looks fat?
venita burwell greensboro

"Is that a scale in your hair?!"
Lauren Innes, Greensboro

"Why do you smell like fish?"
Entered under a psydonym

Get dressed quick, Jethro, I told you this is a black tie event!!!
Sarah Towle, High Point

For the tenth time, don't leave a ring in the tub!
Sarah Towle, High Point

"The Shell Shack? That dump?"
"@#%! right I'm not?the?Little Mermaid anymore"
"With those looks, ha" "I have eyes like a fish, is that what you think?"
"O' Please, I can tell that's a fake Atlantis accent"
"You said you wanted to take me to Atlantis? Seriously?"
"I have fish eyes???"
"NO WAAAAAAYYY"
"A Prince? You?"
"Smells like you just climbed out of Davy Jones Locker"
"I have eyes like a fish, is that what you think?"
Park Groves, Greensboro

"For the last time, I am not having an affair with Tom Hanks... It was only a movie..."
Joseph Thomas, Siler City

"No ! I won't swim with you topless !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"It would never work, we're on different currents!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You've got nerve, bringing me to a seabed!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Look out, surf is giving me a bad hair day!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1. P.U. buddy! You need to lay off the Tuna Helper!
2. Well don't just float there like you're stupid!
3. Grr! My boobs are chafing!
Randell Angel, Brown Summit

"Have you been drinking at the RAW BAR again?"
"The Principle called from your School today."
"Why weren't you in school today?"
"Where have you been? I thought you were in school."
"Well! There are plenty of other fish in the sea."
"Have you been on the scales lately?"
"My scales don't lie, I weigh the same."
"Why don't we go dancing anymore?"
You never take me dancing anymore."
"No! Not seafood again!"
"All you want to do is hang-out with Charlie, Nemo and Flipper."
".....and who is Darrell Hannah?"
"....but that doesn't mean I'm your maid"
Kaylee Tucker, Greensboro

Do these shells make my tail look big?
I said a loaf of plankton and a gallon of squid milk. Do I have to write everything down?
You haven't said one word about my new hairdo.
And where were you at high tide?
Your spending way too much time with those sharks.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons
liked the grocery-store one

"You've been with that Fish Called Wanda again, haven't you?"
donna lynn mast

"You're not going out dressed like that!"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1. I almost fell for that excuse hook, line, and sinker.
2. I know I wore the same outfit on our last date.
3. No more seafood, I want a steak.
4. You promised to pick me up in a chauffeur driven submarine
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
liked number 2

"You let the cat out again."
"What do you mean you like big fins on your mermaids?"
"This is my new fin color."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

I do NOT look like 'any other mermaid'.... Who does Starbucks marketing think they are?
It's not MY fault you booked our flight home on Skybus!
James in Greensboring

"What out, Buster. You don't have a leg to stand on."
Glenda Everhart, Lexington

1) Sun bathing with the guys my foot !
2) Don't make waves and I won't sink your ship !
3) Say What ! "Blondes have more fun!" You have got to be kidding!
4)" I saw you checking out her scales and shells !"
5) You told me you were going to check the buoy! Not her booty!
Catherine Duke, Kernersville

"Cut it out or you'll be sleeping with the humans!'
"I can't understand your fixation with "Splash"!!"
"Tell me about the 5000 clams change to our credit card!!"
"What do you see in that barracuda? She'll eat you alive!!"
"You lost your swimming instructor job to a blow fish??!!"
"The Old Wreck again!! We never eat anywhere new!!"
"Shark Bait" your new nickname?? Why??"
"She's a scuba diver, stupid"
"That's not my lipstick on your fin!!"
"Finding Nemo" "That's a lie. Sponge Bob saw you at the Crabby Shack with a sea slug"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

I'M TIRED OF FLIPPING MY TAIL WITH YOU!
JERRY GREENE, GREENSBORO

1) "I don't care if we do have matching halves, I'm not going out with you."
2) "Everyone could hear that Siren calling you."
3) "My father, Poseidon, warned me you were lazy."
4) "Call me a Sea Nymph again, I dare you!!!"
5) "You promised me we would live in Atlantis."
7) "Going to the beach doesn't count as a vacation."
8) "How dare you !!! I don't spawn on the first date."
9) " I'm a mermaid , not your maid!"
10) "I'm not lying , my picture is on every cup of Starbuck's coffee."
11) "Let me guess, seafood again. "
12) "Let me get this straight, all the kids are in a sardine can."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Liked the "maid" reference

I don't believe that tale you gave me about last night.
Mary Lou House, Whitsett

"Yeah, right! And just who does THIS belong to?"
Mike Flint, Greensboro

"Dose this tail make me look fat??"
Richard Segal, High Point

You got your sex-change;now what?
Richard Smith, Greensboro

Do you have any idea what salt water does to my hair ?
I've seen Tom Hanks and you sir are no Tom Hanks.
What do you mean all girls love sea horses.
Now I know why you are named Mr. Limpet.
(bah-dum-bing)
I get the sea bed, you can sleep on the sea couch.
Those are not my scales!
For the last time, if it has a string attached, DO NOT EAT IT!
I'm a siren and you don't think I can win American Idol?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"cheatings one thing, but really....a SCALLOP!!!!!!!!!
Glen Barger, Greensboro

"you let a pair of feet ruin a 12 year marriage"!
Carolyn Israel- Dillard, Greensboro

"And mother said you were such a great catch."
"How can you even suggest that I try fish net stockings."
"How do you explain the pair of conch shells in your car?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I would like to submit the following captions:
"So all along you were going to the Gay Dolphin?"
"So you say you rubbed the little lamp and then what happened?"
"I've just never seen this side of you before."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I would like to submit the following captions:
"I don't know Jeffrey, there's a part of me that just wants to swim far, far away."
"He can't talk to you like that. What are you a man or a mullet?
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"No, I don't want seafood for dinner."
"We're not naming our first baby Nemo."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Sorry, Charlie, This life is for Women only."
Jean Davis, Madison

"Talk To The FIN!"Mary Beth Brown, Greensboro
Good caption, but the drawing didn't quit match it.

"No, I do NOT do windows!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who was that stripped bass I saw you with?"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

1. "You're full of abalone!"
2. "Who said I have sardine breath?"
3. "Stop calling me Ariel. I'm Wanda!"
4. "My hair is NOT like Medussa's!"
5. "I do NOT twitch my tail for everything that swims."
6. "Watch your hands!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"The name's Susie, not Sushi!"
"Next this naughty nymph's notifying Neptune of our nullified nuptials!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Who's Ariel???"
"Quit staring at my gills!!"
"No, my gills aren't fake!"
'Have you been out drinking with Flipper again?"
"I don't care if that's why they call it the blow hole!"
"You brought home fish for dinner again?"
"I didn't want you to give me those kind of crabs!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
The funniest one (blow hole) I was afraid was too risque for the paper.

Don't deny it! I saw you kiss her in the kelp!
Maxine Leister, Greensboro

"#*!%*…Sealicone implants??? Shell No!"
C. Roves, Greensboro

"Maybe you don't care, but I expect you to put the seat down."
Gary McCracken

"What do You MEAN you lost my comb and mirror??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Clever.

"This is the third night in a row that I've smelled cavier on your breath."
"This is the third night that I've smelled cavier on your breath...have you been hanging out at 'Fish Row' again?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who died and made YOU King of the Sea???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"What do you mean "Is that a Siren or were you singing?'!?!?!?"
"Do I LOOK like I have loose lips???"
(THEY say it ain't a joke if you got to explain it, but just in case: loose lips sink ships; the singing or Sirens and Mermaids have been known to sink ships....Joke's On You still inspiring me to research!!! :)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
You're right.

"I wouldn't let you get to second base even if I did know where it was!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm Sick of hearing your fish stories."
"EVERYthing you tell me sounds fishy."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Your MOTHER just called looking for you."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Out with the BOYS???"
"Out with the BOYS???....Do I smell oysters on your breath?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I Suppose that you're going to tell me that You're pregnant!!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"That story sounds pretty fishy to me I'm not buying it this time."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"A bit late last night, down at the Sand Bar again".
scott smith, mcleansville

"I can't believe you gave our last can of tuna to Tim Rickard."
"Stop calling me your Hybrid Honey."
"I'm sick of doing the potato sack race."
"Can't you sign us up for something other than the potato sack race?"
Gray Amick, Atlantis
How are things in the lost continent?

"My royalty check from Disney is missing...care to explain?"
"Oh yeah...well you don't look as good as YOU did back in 89' either!"
"Hope you're happy! You left the lid open and now both hamsters are DEAD!"
"Keep it up and you're going to spend the rest of your life working on a merry-go-round!"
"I found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket pocket...are they yours?"
"I found a copy of Octopussy in the DVD player...I'm DISGUSTED!"
"Keep it up and I might end up being YOUR Deadliest Catch!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

...and a few you can't print in the paper...
"Is giving me CRABS your idea of a gag gift?"
"The Doctor called...apparently I have CRABS!"
Anonymous, Greensboro
(no really...Anonymous. You may THINK you know who sent this in but really...it's Anonymous!) :-)
Whatever you say, Bob ... uh ... I mean "anonymous."

1) "The wide stance excuse is not going to work with me."
2) "Charlie the Tuna is in my past."
3) "The more I think about it, maybe you are the chicken of the sea."
4)" Ok, that's enough red snapper jokes."
5) "Aquaman thinks I'd make a great sidekick."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Some girl named Ariel called for you."
"You promised to be home by hightide."
David Downing, Greensboro
The Ariel one was good.

SNAIL MAIL
"And just what do you think you're doing?"
Donald H. Brown, Greensboro

"Who's Minnie?"
Norman Welker, Greensboro
Good question ...

"You've been fooling around with that minx Ariel again, haven't you?!"
Karlyn Shankland, Greensboro

"That human was fine, she did not need mouth-to-mouth!"
"Trolling for chum is not my idea of fun."
"I'm not falling for that fish-tale!"
"Call me Chicken-of-the-sea one more time and that's it!"
"Not again ... We've seen 'Splash" 32 times!"
"I wouldn't marry you for all the scrod in the world."
"Try again ... I didn't just fall off the fishing trawler!"
Bill Wallace, High Point
Didn't like my picks last week? Did you even READ the others?

"Just because you go topless Don't mean I have to!"
Steve Lucas, Greensboro

"If you were half a man, you'd stick up for yourself."
"You silly drunk! You're stewed to the gills."
"I don't like your flippant attitude."
"You wuss! Did somebody filet your backbone?"
Max Harless, High Point