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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

I try to choose only one in each "category" of captions I receive. The downside: many very good, but similar entries get left out. Sometimes the choice is simply who got it to me first. Darrell Clark beat returning multi-winner Joel Clark (any relation?) to the punch in their very similar captions.
But, Joel threw down the gauntlet to fellow three-time winner and MIA captioner Bob Mannary for a race to see who can be the first to win their fourth award. How bout it Bob?

WINNER
Watch yourself buddy, that's how I ended up here.
Darrell Clark

RUNNERS-UP
"Don't hurt me, I have newborn maggots at home."
Rick Meehan, Graham
Any caption with the word "Maggots" has to be considered.

"Nice website! You design it?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
The best of the "web-site" entries I thought. Simple, conversational-sounding.

"Nice tattoo . What is that, an hourglass?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
original

"If you knew where I've been today, you would not be so quick to eat me."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro
Several entered with this subject. I liked the wording of this one best. Was strong contender for winner.

"I was here first!"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro
We're not sure why this one appealed to us - it just did.

"Shouldn't you be in a water spout somewhere?"
Park Groves Greensboro
Several were entered in the "Itsy-bitsy" category.
This beat out strong competition from snail-mailer Bill Wallace and Joel Clark.

"Hooray! You've come to rescue me!"
Ken Layton, Carthage
What set this one above the others in the "thinks the spider is there to help" category was the word "hooray." Not only did it fit the fly's expression, but as I have said before, nothing's funnier than unbridled optimism in a hopeless situation.

"Wasn't your husband filling enough?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

THE REST
"Please, BEE nice"
Andy Bullard, Summerfield

l. Grandma what big eyes you have!
2. I didn't see this one coming.
3. I hope you'll here to rescue me.
4. The FDA rated me Grade D.
5. My GPS is broken!
6. I didn't mean to deceive!
7. This is entrapment.
8. So you're the blimp on my radar.
9. I was blindsided. 10. Now I know why they said those Hills have Eyes.
11. I forgot what the fly is supposed to say to the spider.
12. I'd rather be a fly on the wall, not one in this net.
13. Those people at the pollen station gave me bad directions.
14. You're scaring me!
Nancy Nelson
Number 3 was considered, (see note for ken's above.)
Also liked the GPS one. The entrapment one was interesting.
Still, we had other entries below in the same categories.

Guess this means my flight's going to be delayed, huh?
Jay Moore, Jamestown

"Papa told me to stay away from gals with an hourglass figure!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

What's for dinner?
Is there something I can do for you?
Is this the World Wide Web?
I like what you've done with the place.
Why can't we be friends?
I was just hanging around ...
Do you know Peter Parker?
Do you have something larger?
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

OH, is this YOUR parlor?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

Would it help or hurt if I told you all the filthy places I've been?
So how long did it take you to learn macrame?
So that's what you meant by "dine in"!
Here comes a kid with a stick . . . made ya look!!!
How about on our second date we go to the city dump?
Not a bad pad, but Charlotte's web is nicer.
I see one side of your web is still under construction.
And we also offer a "wind-driven rain" insurance policy.
Nice web -- it really captures the sparkling morning dew.
Speaking as a realtor, it's all about location, location, location.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"I dialed 911 an hour ago. What took you so long?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Now, don't do anything rash. Don't you know flies carry millions of diseases?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

WHOAAA!!!!!! STAGE LEFT!
GEORGIA COURTS, GREENSBORO

I'm stuck! I hope you're the web master?
Bob Muir, Greensboro

"Sorry to bother you; I was just surfing."
Jack Helfand, Greensboro.

"Fly- it's not just for breakfast anymore!"
Donna Turner, Eden

15. You have an interesting WEBsite!
Nancy Nelson

Nice parlor!
I'm here to visit your website.
I thought you meant you had a real website.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

16. I didn't practice to deceive.
17. I'm Sorry I made such a mess in your nest.
18. You should be border patrol!
19. Wouldn't you rather have a big Mac?!
20. Spin me a big yarn okay.
21. I'm praying for rain, so we'll both be washed out.
22. You ain't no itsy-bitsy spider!
23. Elmer's glue isn't this sticky!
Nancy Nelson

"Sorry....wrong website!"
Carol Rebb, Summerfield

1. I just swallowed insecticide!
2. You look like a vegeterian!
3. We're cousins, get that look out of your eyes!
4. I'll tell you where the honey is!
Rosslyn Edwards - Greensboro

24. I've sure got myself into a sticky situation this time.
25. I know where theres a whole can of sardines.
26. Guys this joke isn't funny anymore!
27. I could use Cupid's help!
29. Where's Superman now?!
30. Don't touch me again.(Couldn't resist)
31. I don't think I can talk myself out of this one.
32. Stay back, I know karate.
33. I'm stuck on your WEBsite!
34. Are you a building contractor?
35. Wow, how much did this cost you?
Nancy Nelson

"I promise, if I am the democratic nominee, I will make you VP"
Amy, Greensboro

The fly says to the spider, "Let's make a deal."
Linda Atkins, Greensboro

"Hey Longlegs, What time's breakfast served around here?"
Louis Tellez, Jamestown

So-o-o, what's for dinner?
Chuck Mortimore, Greensboro

"Don't mind me, I'm just surfing the web."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"This is not what they mean when they say you can make a killing on the web!"
Jake Hochrein, Greensboro

1. This is the last time you will see me in the Dew-Drop Inn !
Frank C. Leonard, Jr., Lexington

1. Promise, I will never bug you again !
Frank C. Leonard, Jr, Lexington

Please Passover, I'm not kosher!
Frank Leonard, Lexington

Wow ! Silk stockings !
Frank Leonard, Lexington

Oops ! Wrong web site !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Stop ! You're making me bug-eyed!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Look, we got off to a bad start, can we re-think this?
Tish

I hate being stuck here with you !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You're spinning me, aren't you ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Toodle-oo !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I'd perfer a bowl of soup!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Beware I'm a black belt in fly kwon do!"
Deb Meehan, Graham

"Oh, no thanks I’m fine"
"Can you tuck the other side in just an itsy bitsy bit more"
"Don’t worry I’ll still write a good review"
"You sure got me"
"Don’t spiders have 8 eyes?"
"What? No how was your stay?"
"I just love this web’s location"
"…and then she said go bug someone else, so now I’m here"
"It’s no Marriot, but better than a Motel 6"
"I have 453 kids and a demanding wife at home… so dig in"
"I think you just feeling insecure with yourself"
Park Groves Greensboro

"Sure take the short cut they said."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Oh what a tangled web we weave."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"You need to "stage" this web a little better."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Is this how your husband died?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"I'm just skin and bones."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"My mom said not to talk to strangers...So what's your name?"
Hally Lee Rankin.Greensboro

"I've got a wife and kids."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Listen, there is no reason why we can't be civil."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey, have you heard of the World Wide Web?"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro
"Are you my father? "

"Hey, can you give me a hand, I'm kinda stuck."
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

"Hey, can I get a light?"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

"Are you my Father?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey man! No solicitors!!"
Bear Wilson, Greensboro

1. "That pile you snatched me off of was NOT mud."
2. "Do you realize I'm loaded with trans fat?"
3. "This is no way to get me to go out with you."
4. "You're going to get caught in a web of lies trying
to explain what happened to me."
5. "These are the ties that bind."
6."Ask yourself this, What would Spiderman do?"
8. "Why not be like spiderman, eat REAL food."
9. "Let me go, I don't want to be in CSI Greensboro"
10."Hey, I'm really not into this bondage thing."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

"You'd think twice if you knew where I landed earlier!"
"Before you do anything, consider where I dine!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"A hundred eyes and I missed the no fly zone sign."
"I see you're not a stickler for the sanitation grade."
"I'm a Chinese fly, you'll be hungy again in 30 minutes."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"My, Grandma! What big eyes you have!"
Sharon Shepard, Jamestown

Still Trying...
1) "Wow! Look at those legs!"
2) "Why don't I go get some honey for the first course?"
3) "OK, show me how to surf this web."
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
Still enjoying ...

"I clicked on the wrong web site."
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Are you vegan?"
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

"Here I am. Now, where is the piece of candy you promised me?"
Cindy Weaver

No SPAM on my web!
John Draper, Fair Oaks, CA
California?

Another bug on the web but thank God there's no more spam.
John Draper, Fair Oaks, CA
Yep. California

1)Is this what they call Web Cam?
2)Could your name possibly be Charlotte?
3)My what big eyes you have ! Now give me the Milky Way!
4)You don't want to eat me ! I am told my head is soured!
5) Hey ! I think we are related cousin !
Catherine Duke

The fly says "Can we talk"?
Jack Markham, Greensboro

The fly says, "Didn't you ask me to wait in the parlor"?
The fly says "Didn't you ask me to wait in the parlor?"
Jack Markham, Greensboro

"You found me! Your turn to hide!"
"You got it wrong. I taste like sauerkraut, not chicken!"
"Anyone ever told you your eyes are beautiful!"
"Charlotte and I are good friends!"
"Can you give me directions to the dung heap?"
"Hey, aren't you the Inky Dinky spider?"
"Six legs, eight legs, it doesn't matter. We can be friends"
"Let me go and I will show you where my in-laws live."
"Touch me and Garfield will whack you with a newspaper!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1) "God I hope your name is Charlotte."
2) "Would it help if I told you I was a friend of Wilbur's also"
3) "Careful buddy, that's how I ended up here."
5) "I'm a huge fan . What you did to Miss Muffet was classic!"
6) "Don't you have a waterspout to climb up?"
7) "@#$%*&% MONDAYS !!! "
8) "I swear I didn't know she was your sister."
9) "Great job, if this web was any stronger it would be rope."
10) "Really, I've been sitting on a huge pile of it!!"
11) "Widow ? Somebody married you ? "
12) "Widow my foot, your husband ran away!"
13) "I'm guessing you don't mind a fly in your food?"
14) "Careful, you don't know where I've been."
15) "Actually this web is better than both sugar or vinegar."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Isn't the expression "Catch more flys with honey" not sugar?
Several good one here, Joel. Good to have you back.

"I don't suppose you have a can of WD-40 handy?"
"I just flew in from the farm, so you may need a little salt"
David Robinette

Don't even think about it!
Emma Allende

"Would it be too late for me to join your alliance?"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

"I saw this thing on the news, and apparently flies are high in trans fats and HDL cholesterol."
Sherron Ashby, Madison

I regret I only have one life to give to my trash can.
I putting this on Youtube.
Bite this !!!!
I hope I give you heartburn !
This is not going to change your bad guy image.
I'm sorry ! Remember deep down I'm just a maget.
Let me go and I will lead you to some nice roadkill .
I'm too young to die. Really, I was born two days ago.
Please spare me, I have 10,000 kids !
Did I mention how I love Spiderman ?
Let me go and I will lead a pack of moths your way .
Sorry, I thought it was a trampoline.
Can't we all just get along.
In my pocket there's a fifty dollar bill with your name on it.
Darrell Clark

SPYDR...not SPIDER!!! Damn spellcheck!
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

"You mean YOU'RE not married?"
"Oh, and DDT. I've been eating a lot of that lately."
"Oh please let me be a takeout."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Hurry Ralph, I've lost my glasses and that hideous beast is coming."
"You know, of course, that my trail of spit and resin will lead straight to you."
"And together, we can rule this entire ecosystem."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Eat me, baby.
Sleep with me and I'm good for dinner.
What's for chow?
I love fat-ass black girls.
I just love big black girls.
Oh, so you're a widow.
Are you my blind date?
Sorry, I didn't know anyone lived here.
Bill Lawson, Stoneville
... um ...

"Like what you've done with the new web."
"Sorry to hear of your late husband and the one before and the before that."
"Your name wouldn't happen to be Charlotte by any chance."
scott smith, McLeansville
Nice ones, Scott.

36. Can I hang with you?
37. Can I hang out with you?
38. I'm hung up on you.
39. I'm not baby food.
40. Woh, how many babies are you expecting?
41. What's for supper?
Nancy Nelson

"I can explain this invasion of your private Web sphere!"
"This is not a chance encounter!"
"Let me make you a deal, not a meal!"
"Back off or bring it on, Big Butt. I shall not be removed!"
"I spy a spi.!"
"Give me your best shot!"
Linda Kay Nalley, Purlear

"I know you're not going to believe this, but have you heard of Jeff GoldBlum??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Psst...with all of your arms, give me a few minutes, and I can help you learn to multi-task."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Compared to the last job that I had, this one is Great!!"
"HEY!!! You ought to get a look at your web from this angle...it's fabulous!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You're in luck!! I'm a web designer!!"
"Geometrically speaking, there are a lot of design flaws in your web."
"Geometrically speaking, there are a lot of design flaws in your web....I can help, if you like...."
"You're not going to believe this, but I have a degree in Feng Shui Web Design."
"Ever heard of feng shui?? Turn me loose for a sec, and I'll show you how to catch MORE flys!! Really!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Liked the first one. nice and simple.

"You may have met my cousin....SpiderMan.....Who do you think taught him to fly?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm a Chinese Fly. In a half hour, you're just going to want to eat again."
"I'm like a potato chip...you can't eat just one."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"If you let me go this week, I won't put you up on the block next week....are you in an alliance with anyone??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I don't know if you're health food conscious, but I feel it's my duty to let you know that I'm high in fat, high in carbs, and verrrry salty."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I've READ about this!!! Is this the World Wide WEB???"
"COOL!!! I've READ about this!!! Is this the World Wide WEB???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...can I tell you something?....I wasn't really into bondage until I met you, but....WOW!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"That's just creepy Mom!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Hey Babe, I notice that you seem to be a Widow....how's about you and me getting together?"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"May I borrow your nail clippers?"
"You wouldn't happen to have any nail clippers that I could borrow, do you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do I get to have a last meal?"
"I don't suppose you're bringing dinner, are you?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"By any chance, do you give weaving lessons?"
"Would you be interested in teaching me to spin?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I hope you're just passing by...."
"You don't happen to just be passing through, do you?..."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Grandma...What Big Eyes You Have!!!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"You spy with your eight eyes....That's Not Funny!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"'Scuse me...what time is the next bus to the Ant Farm?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

1) "I don't suppose the fact I've spent the day gorging on dog feces would change your mind, would it?"
2) "Oh, thank goodness you came along! I actually thought I might DIE here!"
3) "Hey Buddy, ... How about untying me? ... I've got a lot of crap I need take care of!"
4) "Hey, could you at least call my wife and tell her I'm a little tied up?!"
5) "Hey, you can't eat me! ... It's in my will that I want to be cremated!"
Susan & Rob Midgett, Greensboro
Liked the second one a lot. It probably needed to be a bit shorter.

"I could have sworn they said I was clear for take-off."
"I think you should know I have Mad Fly Disease."
"I should have never left that sardine can."
Gray Amick, Spider City
Spider city?

My favorite song? "The Night Has a Thousand Eyes."
Joan Lux Greensboro

"So, Charlotte, the pig says you don't believe in violence."
"Look, over there! It's Spiderman!"
Jennifer Fernandez

SNAIL MAIL
"Please tell me I'm late for dinner."
"I take it your not from travelers aid?"
"Itsy-bitsy my butt!"
"Ever consider a vegan diet."
"This tangled web deceived me."
"Could you let me go with a warning?"
"The FAA screwed up my flight path."
"You don't have to do this."
"Don't I get credit for hitting the bulls-eye?"
"I didn't realize this was a no fly zone."
"I shoulda sprung for the GPS."
"My, what big mandibles you've got!"
"Dang! Just my luck to hit a speed-trap."
"Wait a minute ... this is entrapment!"
This was a lot of fun ... great job!
Bill Wallace, High Point
Thanks, Bill. It was fun reading the entries.

"HELP! Oh, thank goodness you came by."
Samuel Breeland Jr., Pleasant Garden

"And when I win the nomination, I'll let you be my running mate!"
Cecile Mooney, Greensboro

"Oh, cleaning lady, you missed one!"
Samuel Breeland Jr., Pleasant Garden

"I know I'm behind but I'm trying to refinance."
"My name is Bond, James Bond!"
"Do you realize that Tiger's ball is right below us?"
"Better take care. My roomie is President of the United Snakes of America!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Sooo Charlotte ... I'm guessing the movie didn't do well overseas!"
Dale Carter, Athens West Virginia.

"Said the spider to the fly: 'You're my tasty pie.'"
Carol P. Allen