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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

This soggy cartoon made more of you sink than swim this week. Joey's effort was the catch of the week.
We’re going to try something different next week. Let’s play: "Beat the Cartoonist!" I've written about a half-dozen gags for this week's cartoon, which I'll unveil on next week's blog. See if you can match me or beat me in a battle of wits. It shouldn't be too hard, according to some of you guys, as I'm unarmed.

WINNER
What do you mean, "You're a leg man?"
Joey Preston, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"You treat me like I don't even exist!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"You're only half the man I thought you were !"
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

I found your bag of seaweed.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"Out all night with the buoys again!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I can't believe I gave up my legs for this!"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"You gave me ick"
Kaylee Tucker, Greensboro

"WHY did I find an inflatable dolphin under the bed??"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"You know a pearl necklace is not that big of a deal down here."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE REST
1. I wouldn't spawn with you if you were the last merman in the sea!
2. Stop TAILing me.
3. Keep that thing in your... or you don't wear pants.
4. They want me to do ANOTHER movie.
5. My agent wants me to do a book signing?!
6. I'm getting a restaining order!
7. Ariel isn't the only mermaid in the sea.
8. But I don't need a bodyguard!
9. Ariel thinks she so hot.
10. If you you don't stop flirting with Ariel, it's over.
10. You're not the only merman in the sea.
11. Can't you hear, it's over.
Nancy Nelson

"This isn't how the story is supposed to end!"
Phillip Thompson

12. Leave me alone, I'm just not enchanted with you any more.
13. The way I sing, I should've been the next America Idol.
14. I told you I like human men.
Nancy Nelson

"Let me guess, you were working with little miss fake fins again."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Who's this Madison you've been splashing around with lately????
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"And just who was that minnow I saw you hooked up with?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"You think using 'Barracuda' for my ringtone is funny?"
"I called your cell...it played 'Barracuda'...I don't find you funny..."
"Why does your cell phone play 'Barracuda' when I call?"
"Sushi?!?!?! What is WRONG with you?!?!?"
"I may not be Darryl Hannah but you're no Patrick Duffy either!"
"I'm SICK of cleaning up after you! I am NOT your maid!"
"If you think that shark was scary just WAIT till I get you home..."
"Stop Messing With The Life Guards! It's NOT funny!"
"You try spawning 3000 kids and see if YOU keep your figure!"
"...and when we get home you're taking down that STUPID Singing Bass!"
"Would it really kill you to put the seat back down when you're finished?"
"Were you swimming upstream with the Salmon again?"
"I'm tired of waiting for your ship to come in..."
"You're lucky that flushing you is NOT an option...yet..."
"Do you think Ariel is prettier than me?"
"Stay out late again and you just might wake-up with a hook in your mouth..."
"For the last time STAY OUT OF BIKINI BOTTOM!!!"
"Say it again and I'll Throw You To The Sharks!"
"I just found a copy of Splash! hidden in the closet...care to explain?"
"Do these scales make my butt look big?"
"Why is there a charge from Red Lobster on the credit card bill?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Nice Sponge-Bob reference

"If you really wanted to work, you'd take that job over ar Gorton's."
Ken Layton, Carthage

I'm not your maid, I'm your mermaid !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You want a piece of what . . ."
Al Madden

Well it sure smells fishy to me!
James D. Kennedy

"Go fish!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"The catch of the day, you are not!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Calm-up, you're making my scales peel!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Well Mary, I see you have been to Denmark
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Go chase your own tail awhile!"
Frank C Leonard, Lexington

"Keep those lobster claws where I can see them!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Been to Mermaid Tavern again, Shakespeare?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Sushi! Again?"
"You tell King Titan you need a raise."
"You were supposed to be home at High Tide."
"I saw you kissing Ariel!"
"I was wondering when you would surface."
"Are you trying to bait me?"
"Something's fishy!"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro
Liked the sushi one

"Where did those blonde scales come from?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Your story sounds fishy to me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Something is very fishy here!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Stop floundering over me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Please ! No more fish stories!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Who is Ariel!?!?!"
Marcus Purcell
Nice. simple.

"I'm Hot!"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"You are not seaworthy of me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You make me seasick for not choosing me!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Have you been swimming with the tourists again?"
"Your subscription to Field & Stream arrived today...Pervert!"
"Your 'Fish Gone Wild!' DVD arrived today..."
"Oh...Just for the Halibit huh? You're not AT ALL funny..."
"Spring Break is no place for YOU Mister!"
"Swimming along the shoreline and yelling SHARK! is NOT funny Bruce!"
"Get your tail BACK to the castle RIGHT NOW!"
"I think you've finally jumped the shark..."
"I found a plastic diver, a treasure chest, and a skeleton under your bed...care to explain?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Liked the "Field and Stream" reference for some reason.

Most certainly, having children is out of the question.
Peter Peiffer, Greensboro

"your explanation sounds fishy to me".
James R. Pitcher, Greensboro

WHAT do you mean she's just an eel?
George Subasavage

"Just 'cuz I'm a merMaID doesn't mean I'll clean up after you!"
"What exactly were you doing with that blow fish!?"
"You think my finn is too big!"
"Aquaman never complained about how much money I spent!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
LOVED the blow fish one, but like the "blow-hole" caption below, I thought it was a bit risque.
It's just the word "blow"

That tall "tail" sounds fishy to me!
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

What do you mean my tail looks fat?
venita burwell, greensboro

What do you mean my tail looks fat?
venita burwell greensboro

"Is that a scale in your hair?!"
Lauren Innes, Greensboro

"Why do you smell like fish?"
Entered under a psydonym

Get dressed quick, Jethro, I told you this is a black tie event!!!
Sarah Towle, High Point

For the tenth time, don't leave a ring in the tub!
Sarah Towle, High Point

"The Shell Shack? That dump?"
"@#%! right I'm not?the?Little Mermaid anymore"
"With those looks, ha" "I have eyes like a fish, is that what you think?"
"O' Please, I can tell that's a fake Atlantis accent"
"You said you wanted to take me to Atlantis? Seriously?"
"I have fish eyes???"
"NO WAAAAAAYYY"
"A Prince? You?"
"Smells like you just climbed out of Davy Jones Locker"
"I have eyes like a fish, is that what you think?"
Park Groves, Greensboro

"For the last time, I am not having an affair with Tom Hanks... It was only a movie..."
Joseph Thomas, Siler City

"No ! I won't swim with you topless !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"It would never work, we're on different currents!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"You've got nerve, bringing me to a seabed!
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Look out, surf is giving me a bad hair day!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1. P.U. buddy! You need to lay off the Tuna Helper!
2. Well don't just float there like you're stupid!
3. Grr! My boobs are chafing!
Randell Angel, Brown Summit

"Have you been drinking at the RAW BAR again?"
"The Principle called from your School today."
"Why weren't you in school today?"
"Where have you been? I thought you were in school."
"Well! There are plenty of other fish in the sea."
"Have you been on the scales lately?"
"My scales don't lie, I weigh the same."
"Why don't we go dancing anymore?"
You never take me dancing anymore."
"No! Not seafood again!"
"All you want to do is hang-out with Charlie, Nemo and Flipper."
".....and who is Darrell Hannah?"
"....but that doesn't mean I'm your maid"
Kaylee Tucker, Greensboro

Do these shells make my tail look big?
I said a loaf of plankton and a gallon of squid milk. Do I have to write everything down?
You haven't said one word about my new hairdo.
And where were you at high tide?
Your spending way too much time with those sharks.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons
liked the grocery-store one

"You've been with that Fish Called Wanda again, haven't you?"
donna lynn mast

"You're not going out dressed like that!"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1. I almost fell for that excuse hook, line, and sinker.
2. I know I wore the same outfit on our last date.
3. No more seafood, I want a steak.
4. You promised to pick me up in a chauffeur driven submarine
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
liked number 2

"You let the cat out again."
"What do you mean you like big fins on your mermaids?"
"This is my new fin color."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

I do NOT look like 'any other mermaid'.... Who does Starbucks marketing think they are?
It's not MY fault you booked our flight home on Skybus!
James in Greensboring

"What out, Buster. You don't have a leg to stand on."
Glenda Everhart, Lexington

1) Sun bathing with the guys my foot !
2) Don't make waves and I won't sink your ship !
3) Say What ! "Blondes have more fun!" You have got to be kidding!
4)" I saw you checking out her scales and shells !"
5) You told me you were going to check the buoy! Not her booty!
Catherine Duke, Kernersville

"Cut it out or you'll be sleeping with the humans!'
"I can't understand your fixation with "Splash"!!"
"Tell me about the 5000 clams change to our credit card!!"
"What do you see in that barracuda? She'll eat you alive!!"
"You lost your swimming instructor job to a blow fish??!!"
"The Old Wreck again!! We never eat anywhere new!!"
"Shark Bait" your new nickname?? Why??"
"She's a scuba diver, stupid"
"That's not my lipstick on your fin!!"
"Finding Nemo" "That's a lie. Sponge Bob saw you at the Crabby Shack with a sea slug"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

I'M TIRED OF FLIPPING MY TAIL WITH YOU!
JERRY GREENE, GREENSBORO

1) "I don't care if we do have matching halves, I'm not going out with you."
2) "Everyone could hear that Siren calling you."
3) "My father, Poseidon, warned me you were lazy."
4) "Call me a Sea Nymph again, I dare you!!!"
5) "You promised me we would live in Atlantis."
7) "Going to the beach doesn't count as a vacation."
8) "How dare you !!! I don't spawn on the first date."
9) " I'm a mermaid , not your maid!"
10) "I'm not lying , my picture is on every cup of Starbuck's coffee."
11) "Let me guess, seafood again. "
12) "Let me get this straight, all the kids are in a sardine can."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Liked the "maid" reference

I don't believe that tale you gave me about last night.
Mary Lou House, Whitsett

"Yeah, right! And just who does THIS belong to?"
Mike Flint, Greensboro

"Dose this tail make me look fat??"
Richard Segal, High Point

You got your sex-change;now what?
Richard Smith, Greensboro

Do you have any idea what salt water does to my hair ?
I've seen Tom Hanks and you sir are no Tom Hanks.
What do you mean all girls love sea horses.
Now I know why you are named Mr. Limpet.
(bah-dum-bing)
I get the sea bed, you can sleep on the sea couch.
Those are not my scales!
For the last time, if it has a string attached, DO NOT EAT IT!
I'm a siren and you don't think I can win American Idol?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"cheatings one thing, but really....a SCALLOP!!!!!!!!!
Glen Barger, Greensboro

"you let a pair of feet ruin a 12 year marriage"!
Carolyn Israel- Dillard, Greensboro

"And mother said you were such a great catch."
"How can you even suggest that I try fish net stockings."
"How do you explain the pair of conch shells in your car?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I would like to submit the following captions:
"So all along you were going to the Gay Dolphin?"
"So you say you rubbed the little lamp and then what happened?"
"I've just never seen this side of you before."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I would like to submit the following captions:
"I don't know Jeffrey, there's a part of me that just wants to swim far, far away."
"He can't talk to you like that. What are you a man or a mullet?
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"No, I don't want seafood for dinner."
"We're not naming our first baby Nemo."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Sorry, Charlie, This life is for Women only."
Jean Davis, Madison

"Talk To The FIN!"Mary Beth Brown, Greensboro
Good caption, but the drawing didn't quit match it.

"No, I do NOT do windows!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who was that stripped bass I saw you with?"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville

1. "You're full of abalone!"
2. "Who said I have sardine breath?"
3. "Stop calling me Ariel. I'm Wanda!"
4. "My hair is NOT like Medussa's!"
5. "I do NOT twitch my tail for everything that swims."
6. "Watch your hands!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"The name's Susie, not Sushi!"
"Next this naughty nymph's notifying Neptune of our nullified nuptials!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Who's Ariel???"
"Quit staring at my gills!!"
"No, my gills aren't fake!"
'Have you been out drinking with Flipper again?"
"I don't care if that's why they call it the blow hole!"
"You brought home fish for dinner again?"
"I didn't want you to give me those kind of crabs!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
The funniest one (blow hole) I was afraid was too risque for the paper.

Don't deny it! I saw you kiss her in the kelp!
Maxine Leister, Greensboro

"#*!%*…Sealicone implants??? Shell No!"
C. Roves, Greensboro

"Maybe you don't care, but I expect you to put the seat down."
Gary McCracken

"What do You MEAN you lost my comb and mirror??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Clever.

"This is the third night in a row that I've smelled cavier on your breath."
"This is the third night that I've smelled cavier on your breath...have you been hanging out at 'Fish Row' again?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Who died and made YOU King of the Sea???"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"What do you mean "Is that a Siren or were you singing?'!?!?!?"
"Do I LOOK like I have loose lips???"
(THEY say it ain't a joke if you got to explain it, but just in case: loose lips sink ships; the singing or Sirens and Mermaids have been known to sink ships....Joke's On You still inspiring me to research!!! :)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
You're right.

"I wouldn't let you get to second base even if I did know where it was!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm Sick of hearing your fish stories."
"EVERYthing you tell me sounds fishy."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Your MOTHER just called looking for you."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Out with the BOYS???"
"Out with the BOYS???....Do I smell oysters on your breath?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I Suppose that you're going to tell me that You're pregnant!!!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"That story sounds pretty fishy to me I'm not buying it this time."
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"A bit late last night, down at the Sand Bar again".
scott smith, mcleansville

"I can't believe you gave our last can of tuna to Tim Rickard."
"Stop calling me your Hybrid Honey."
"I'm sick of doing the potato sack race."
"Can't you sign us up for something other than the potato sack race?"
Gray Amick, Atlantis
How are things in the lost continent?

"My royalty check from Disney is missing...care to explain?"
"Oh yeah...well you don't look as good as YOU did back in 89' either!"
"Hope you're happy! You left the lid open and now both hamsters are DEAD!"
"Keep it up and you're going to spend the rest of your life working on a merry-go-round!"
"I found a pack of cigarettes in your jacket pocket...are they yours?"
"I found a copy of Octopussy in the DVD player...I'm DISGUSTED!"
"Keep it up and I might end up being YOUR Deadliest Catch!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

...and a few you can't print in the paper...
"Is giving me CRABS your idea of a gag gift?"
"The Doctor called...apparently I have CRABS!"
Anonymous, Greensboro
(no really...Anonymous. You may THINK you know who sent this in but really...it's Anonymous!) :-)
Whatever you say, Bob ... uh ... I mean "anonymous."

1) "The wide stance excuse is not going to work with me."
2) "Charlie the Tuna is in my past."
3) "The more I think about it, maybe you are the chicken of the sea."
4)" Ok, that's enough red snapper jokes."
5) "Aquaman thinks I'd make a great sidekick."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Some girl named Ariel called for you."
"You promised to be home by hightide."
David Downing, Greensboro
The Ariel one was good.

SNAIL MAIL
"And just what do you think you're doing?"
Donald H. Brown, Greensboro

"Who's Minnie?"
Norman Welker, Greensboro
Good question ...

"You've been fooling around with that minx Ariel again, haven't you?!"
Karlyn Shankland, Greensboro

"That human was fine, she did not need mouth-to-mouth!"
"Trolling for chum is not my idea of fun."
"I'm not falling for that fish-tale!"
"Call me Chicken-of-the-sea one more time and that's it!"
"Not again ... We've seen 'Splash" 32 times!"
"I wouldn't marry you for all the scrod in the world."
"Try again ... I didn't just fall off the fishing trawler!"
Bill Wallace, High Point
Didn't like my picks last week? Did you even READ the others?

"Just because you go topless Don't mean I have to!"
Steve Lucas, Greensboro

"If you were half a man, you'd stick up for yourself."
"You silly drunk! You're stewed to the gills."
"I don't like your flippant attitude."
"You wuss! Did somebody filet your backbone?"
Max Harless, High Point