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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

"Since when did Vikings operate galleys!" read one entry from Max Harless who apparently questioned my knowledge of Viking history. For your information, Max, Viking Fran Tarkenton operated the galley Santa Maria when he discovered Plymouth Rock. So there.
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat” was the most used of nautical song entries that included "Don't Rock the Boat" "Sailing, Sailing" and, curiously, "You light up my life."
My short list wasn't so short this week. A LOT of good entries. Many that would easily be runner-ups in previous weeks had to settle for bumpkiss this week.
Jon Barsanti, Jr. and Darrell Clark each had the most entries to make the short list.

WINNER
"O boy, ramming speed!! What's ramming speed?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro
This was the winner because it did exactly the opposite of most captions. It seemed to get funnier the more I read it.
It's full of expectant calamity, plus the unbeatable combination of bright-eyed optimism (mirroring the art) in a hopeless situation.

RUNNERS-UP
"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..."
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro
Best of the "Row your boat" entries. simple, subtle.
Sigh. Once again, Eli, bridesmaid, not a bride. Would it make you feel any better if I told you this was one of three that was strongly considered for winner? I didn't think so.

Just for fun ask him are we there yet.
Darrell Clark
The other one that was considered for winner.

"When he hits the drum, this loose board tickles my butt!"
Bill Wallace, High Point

'Is this whipping or non-whipping?'
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"WOOO, SPRING BREAK 1376!!"
Park Groves, Greensboro
See my notes below, park.

"Yeah, but just think what it must be like back in coach."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I've always wanted the window seat. Would you mind swapping?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden
Jon Barsanti Jr. had a caption with this theme, but he already had a runner-up entry, so you get this one all to yourself. Enjoy.

THE REST
He must think he's Lawrence Welk!
Linda Willard, High Point

"How much more was the all inclusive package?"
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Land ahoy, I wonder if that's our first ports of call?"
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

I see Spitzer isn't joining in on the "heave ho" refrain!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

What do you think Spitzer will do if we sing the "heave ho" song again?
Spitzer back there is lost in thought whenever we sing the "heave ho" song.
Joan Lux Greensboro

I like to think of it as being on a "green" cruise.
Jay Moore, Jamestown

"I lowered my cholesterol."
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale

"Someone should write a song about this!"
Eli Oklesh, Greensboro

"Don't you just hate these company outings!"
Maxine Leister, Greensboro
Nice.

"Sailing, Sailing over the bounding Main!"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"I just love it when they do 'Row,Row Your Boat'."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Right idea, but I liked Eli's more subtle, compact treatment.

"I wonder if Holland America or Carnival have exercise rooms as nice as this."
Ken Layton, Carthage
Also good

"Wow! I will be more than ready for the Harvard Rowing Crew after this cruise!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I hope the captain doesn't want to water ski again today"
Herb Werner, High Point
Funny, but that's the caption to a fairly well known joke.

"Hey, no complaints from me, I’m saving $3,600 round trip".
Chuck Crews, Greensboro

I'm gonna use my frequent-rower miles to go to Tahiti!
Bill White, Greensboro

"I told you there is always a bright spot"
Brownie Owens, Greensboro

"Hey, They're playing my song"
Charles Crosby, Greensboro
Good one.

"I used my Frequent Flyer points to get up-graded. And you?"
"I think the custom is to tip $5-8 per day."
"No. My travel agent is not Abercrombie and Kent."
Ken Miller, Greensboro

DO YOU THINK WE'RE REALLY GOING TO DISNEY WORLD ?
Eileen Thiery, Stokesdale

The fellows with the funny helmets aren't from Scandinavia -- they're from Texas.
How did we get roped into this promotion stunt for the "Pirates of the Caribbean"?
Never thought I'd be rowing a boat in Las Vegas for the Treasure Island hotel.
So where did you hide his "cat o'nine tails"?
Up until three weeks ago Spitzer always joined in singing the "Song of the Volga Boatmen."
I say we sing the refrain of the "Song of the Volga Boatmen" once more for ole Spitzer back there!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Who'd have thought that a spring break prank would land us here instead of in jail.
The Sheriff said the jail was already full of kids on spring break.
That's a spring break law-and-order beach town!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. If Leif Erickson tells him to hit that drum again, I'm hitting him in the rear with this oar!
2. Row, row, row!
3. Freedom, freedom, freedom!
4. Lets sing for he's a jolly old fellow.
5. I lost count, how many bottles of beer did you say were on the wall.
6. I sure hope Greenland is worth the trip!
7. I say lets' mutiny!
8. He sure knows how to crack that whip.
9. I know why he has horns, do you?
10. He says he's a Viking but he's the DEVIL!
11. My wife's going to kill me if I'm late again!
Nancy Nelson
CORRECTION: Liked numbers 5 and 11

"I think he had a bad night"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"Frequent flier rewards are not what they used to be"
John Lonergan, Whitsett
Nice.

"Our system's not perfect, but it's still the best in the world."
Larry Surber, Stoneville

Got to your blog tonight for first time. You are overwhelmed, inundated,
drowning in entries (many quite good, others so-so) and picking winners
must be a blind-fold dart game.
Thanks, Bill. It does pretty much boil down to a guess by the end.
Hope you get some sleep.
zzzzzzzz
Suggest you consider age brackets, as humor is somewhat related to
generational background.
So for the very senior division this week:
1) "Frankly, I'd rather be paying four dollars a gallon"
2) "Remind me, what movie are we in?"
3) "Next week he's gonna be on Dancing With the Stars!"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro.
Generally, I don't know the ages of winners, but I know of at least one senior citizen winner and I highly suspect I've had others.

"I love this one! They'd have to whip me NOT to move to it."
"Look at the bright side, we get plenty of fresh air and exercise."
"You have to admit - the beat is rather infectious."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Good ones, especially the first one, which made the short-short list.

"Rowing is so easy, even these cavemen can do it!"
Susan Thompson, Reidsville

When I ask him if we are there yet, all he will say is, "Row, Row, Row your boat.
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

Man, those vikings sure got rhythm!
James R. Pitcher, Greensboro

"Yeah the fax read 3 sun-filled days in the Caribbean for $99....I can't wait. "
Les Gray, Belews Creek

"I love two across seating."
"Do you think they serve lunch?."
"Does the drummer take requests?"
"... the upside is we get to see the world."
"What's the matter with row, row, row your boat?"
"I told you stand-by was a bad idea."
"Spaulding had a better rhythm"
"These reality shows are stretching a bit."
Jon Barsanti, Jr., Greensboro

"Let's request a Latin rhythm."
Deb Meehan, Graham

"when they said Economy Class Cruise this is NOT what I expected!"
Anderson Ragan, Greensboro

12. If only Thor could see us now!
13. I wonder if the wenches in this new world will like us!
14. At least we're not on a deserted island!
15. I thought he said this was a three-hour tour!
16. Gone fishing, for what!!
17. Where's Superman when you need him.
18. Hungary, hungary, hungary!
19. Do you think those deserted island men will share their coconuts?
20. Hasn't this guy heard of harrassment!!
21. Who recommended me for this job??
( It's definitely a harder cartoon, hope I thought up something)
Nancy Nelson

1. "This is the last time I answer a blind ad in the News and Record."
2. "Can you believe this was suppose to be a prize I won?"
3. "I thought Rosie said this would be a fun family cruise."
4. "Gilligan, next time let me choose who rescues us off the island."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

1. no one say "row row anything"
2. they could have asked us nicely, what's up witht the chains.
3. well it's alot better than my last job
4. and how far are we going.
Stacey Phifer

'Where is the buffet?'
"Are they Panther fans?"
'Where is the health club?'
'What do you think they are doing on the promenade deck?'
'Do they have a shuffleboard tournament?'
'Did you bring your tux?'
'Is tonight the midnight chocolate buffet?'
'I get the window on the return trip.'
'Ah, Sea Air and Sunshine.'
'Do you have any SPF35?'
'How long do we have in town?'
'He's better than Captain Jack Sparrow."
'Next time, let's go Royal Caribbean.'
'I hear that this is a triple miles cruise.'
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro
Lots of good ones. Read my intro note above.

"You know, I'm thinking of getting a sailboat when I retire."
"The rowing kinda sucks, but they're supposed to have a really good buffet on this ship."
"This time we'll sing it in a round. Row, row, row your boat..."
"Do you think we'll get to play shuffleboard later?"
D Theall (David, you forgot to put your name on your entries. Nice ones, by the way.)

"We got the sunny side.
Aren't you glad I'm employee of the month?"
Joe Benson, Greensboro
The "employee of the month" one had potential - but needed work.

"My teacher always said I would go far."
Arista Shelton, Greensboro
Hee

"Look, two guys on an island"
"Look, three guys and a cow"
"SUP Chris?"
"OU, OU, OU, A Flo-thru"
"At least we have faces"
"BEST SPRING BREAK EVER!!!"
"Rock the boat, Don't tip the boat over"
"I hear its covered in green plants"
"Just think of them as Ankle Bracelets"
"I'm voting for John McCainson"
"Can you feel the beat, can ya, can ya feel the beat"
"Why aren't the strong people rowing"
"And the best part is we won't even get credit for it"
"99 lashes of whips on my back, 99 lashes of whips, Ya mess up, they slashyou up, 98 lashes of whips on my back"
Park Groves, Greensboro
We really liked the last one. Normally I encourage shorter captions, but that one worked. However, it was so long that running it in the runner-up position would have taken up two-three slots. So, we picked our next favorite of yours, which we also liked (see above)

"I thought the "Men's Club for Hair" was something different than this."
"I heard that if we did well, we would get T-shirts".
"It's not the size of his whip it's how he uses it".
"I hear there's a layover in Iceland".
"So this is Sky Bus's new Company, Water Bus, cut backs are rough".
scott smith, McLeansville

NOW I see why this cruise was so cheap.
I will never get this song out of my head.
I can get past the beatings but this dress code is going to far.
I wonder if there is a buffet.
Look at the bright side, we are giving off zero pollution.
Best tan ever !!!
Pass it on, tonight we make a break for it.
Boy, did I answer the wrong E-mail !!
My one year old answered the phone and the next thing I know is I'm here.
One more time " Row, row, row your boat.
You can bet this is going on my blog.
I'm going to ask for longer breaks. What's the worst thing that can happen?
I think Captain Bligh is losing them.
That guy looks familiar.
Join the Navy see the world my foot.
It could be worse, you could be a Duke fan.
I forget are we starboard or portside ?
It's not too late, to whip it, whip it good.
I got to read the fine print. I thought I was signing with the Minnesota Vikings.
Darrell Clark

I just love the leg room in the emergency exit row.
I heard their serving fish sticks for dinner tonight.
I could listen to this song all day long.
Our new Dental Plan covers both teeth.
These trips are so much cheaper since they eliminated beverage service.
Hard to believe he only finished second in Norwegian Idol!
Don Armstrong, Greensboro

"It's a decent coach product, and I'm stingy with my miles."
M. Morrow, New Orleans LA

We need a little LED ZEPLIN !!!!!!!
He can draw anything...just not a full band.....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I've got a nasty splinter, but I'm afraid for Thor to take a look at it!"
"That's not a barking spider...I know you had beans for lunch!"
"Let's look on the bright side. We're up the creek, but we've got a paddle!"
"Where are those Level 5 rapids?"
"Do you think they'd be offended if I said Aaaaarrgh?"
"Hee Hee...Thor shaves!"
"Keira's a whole lot better-looking than you guys!"
"The brochure never mentioned chafing manacles!"
"Sorry, but it is a poop deck!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Thor shaves and poop deck were considered.

A man's got to have a hobby.
I just saved a lot of money on my car insurance.
I still say this beats paying first class.
The real work is going on down below-Gilligan is peddling his bamboo bicycle.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

I wish he'd beat out a few bars of INAGADA-DAVIDA.
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

"Everybody on the right now, Row, row, row your boat...."
"I think they are taking this 'Survivor Show' a bit too far."
"I was just telling Fred that I had never been on a cruise before....."
"Wait, I know that tune."
"I just love the way he plays those drums."
"I wonder what hotel we'll be staying in tonight."
"One of these days we will be sipping brews by the pool and get a big laugh over this."
"I just had to answer that e-mail. The one that says you have won an all expensive paid vacation."
Mitch in Nashville
Liked the handling of the first one, the second best "row your boat entry" I received.
And liked the simplicity of the "Wait, I know that tune." one - a contender.

"He has a nice tan, don't you think?"
Tina in Nashville

"Stro....hey, jinx, you owe me a Coke."
"The jokes on them, my passport's a phony."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the first one - but it's hard to pull off in a static cartoon.

"You're right. This sports sunscreen doesn't burn my eyes at all."
"I'm sure it was an oversight but he forgot to show us the exits."
"And the best part is, at dinner, there's no assigned seating."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I hear Rosie O'Donnell wanted to come along until she found out it was an "all male" cruise.
If you would row faster, we wouldn't be going in circles.
One more verse of Row, Row, Row your boat and I'll scream.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"I can't explain it, I've got a craving for pound cake topped with whipped cream."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Isn't this Viking fantasy camp everything you expected and more!?"
"This Viking fantasy camp's worth every bit of the $5,000!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Stop whining! You're the one that wanted to invest everything in Bear Stearns stock."
Joe Benson, Greensboro
Topical. Cute.

...you light up my life...you give me hope...to carry on...
Joe Benson, Greensboro
OK. I just liked the plain goofiness of this one.

Yeah, but just think of all the money we're saving on gym memberships!
Mike Smith, Greensboro

"Compared to the last job that I had, this one is Great!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...If you look to your right, you'll see Cuba..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Imagine we are on a cruise ship....and he is...(gulp) Richard Simmons ...
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"It's not just a Job! It's an Adventure!!"
"...Don't think of it as a Job! It's an Adventure!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Here's my entry for this week's cartoon:
"I spy with my little eye..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...And that's why I use SPF 45."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Well, it's got a good beat but it's hard to dance to."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I wonder if they'd let us sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Check out those two Crash Test Dummies sitting behind us!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I wonder if they'd let us sing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' ?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'm so bored, I think I'll get seasick!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Do you think there's any way we could fish while we're rowing?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Well, it doesn't exactly look like the brochure from the Travel Agency, but I'm an optimist!!"
"Well, I admit it doesn't look like the cruise on the brochure, but they probably used a different camera!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"...I just close my eyes and find my happy place!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Do you think we could get the men on the left to sing 'Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream', while we're singing 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'??"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"What are the chances that I could get the drummer to trade places with me for a time?"
"What are the odds that this boat is heading for Hawaii?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"For a joke, let's quit rowing, and see how long it takes them to notice that we're rowing in circles!!"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"We're on a 'Joke's On You' search for Bob Mannary. We fear he was lost at sea."
(Come back Bob...you're letting Nancy get ahead of you!!)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I keep a light burning in my window for Bob.
And by the way, has anyone seen Joel Clark?

"It's not so bad being downwind of Erik now that he's using Old Spice."
"Tomorrow we head for Constantinople, I hear wind is only $2.99 per gust there."
"Tomorrow we head for Constantinople, I hear you can travel for only $2.99 per galley there."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"The name of the ship? Handbasket."
"Isn't that Geraldine Ferraro and Reverend Wright sitting in front of us?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Just be glad we weren't scheduled for the container ship."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1. Boy, what a great drum beat!
2. At least we are on the sunny side of the ship.
3. Wait until I get back and see my travel agent.
4. My travel agent is going to be in big trouble.
5. This is what the cruise line calls an "economy cruise".
6. The IRS will never believe why I am going to file my taxes late.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"Bjorn back there promised to play 'Wipeout' this afternoon."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I got the $10 ticket !!!"
"I thought I booked the "free style" cruise ?!"
Pat O'Donnell, Kernersville
Nice Skybus reference.

22. Why did I sign up for this rowing team?
23. I bet he has helmet hair!
24. Do you think he's bald?
25. Land ho, land ho!
26. I sure wish they'd get the motor fixed!
27. I'd rather go for a walk.
28. I said GENTLY down a stream!
29. Did he say we're going to Minnesoto for a ballgame?!
30. Have you see Ariel, she's beautiful ?!
31. I'd rather be on the crew of a cruise ship!
32. Do you think we can beat that NYAC rowing team this year?!
33. Look out, I feel sick!
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

I THOUGHT HE WAS A LITTLE PITCHY IN THE BEGINNING.
Jerry Gartrell
cute

Hey man, this is like a walk in the park.? Good thing you weren't here last week when Buddy Rich was the drummer.
George Subasavage, Greensboro
Nice one, a contender. Maybe needed to be shorter ...?

"And the beat goes on, woo, woo..."
Hal Koger

"My recruiter said I should take this job because there's no telling when an opportunity as good will come along."
Davida Foley, Greensboro

"So then I says to Borg...'Ya know, as long as we're here, one of us ought to moon these Saxon dogs'"
"It's got a good beat and it's easy to row to."
Luke VanHoy, Summerfield
Good ones. Both were short-listers

(1) - "If only I were a REAL chain smoker."
(2) - "I like that beat!"
Ken Keith, Oak Ridge

The drummer is no Ringo Starr but he has a great beat!
And my teacher said I would never amount to anything.
Are you sure Gilligan started like this?
Is this a great cruise or what?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Look on the bright side- we could be running for President.
This reverse affirmative action is not what I thought it would be!
Ron Harris, Reidsville

34. I keep telling him the World is FLAT.
35. Sink or Swim!
36. My ankles are killing me!
37 What does he mean Row or Sink?!
Nancy Nelson

"I wish he would beat out a few bars of INAGADA-DAVIDA."
Debbie Moore Saxapahaw

My bank wasn't kidding with "severe penalty for early withdrawal."
Cathy FitzGerald

"The ad said "Bored? Join the Viking Navy".
"My wife said "Get a job, any job" so here I am"
"This Weight-Lose cruse is working!!
"The travel agent was right, fresh air and a great view!"
"Don't you think "Annihilator" is a great boat name"
"You all know the words, let's sing "Louie Louie..."
"All right everyone "Row, row, row your boat..."
"I hear the captain wants to water ski, maybe I can go after him"
"Now like the M&Ms "Rock the boat, don't rock the boat, baby...!"
"I wonder if my cell phone works out here?"
"Do you think this ship carries the NCAA tournament?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Now everybody, 98 bottles of mead on the wall..."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Nice twist on the 99 bottles of beer song.

"Ivar says he’ll spring for ABBA tickets if we make Stockholm by sundown!"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Hope you had a nice vacation.
Thanks. I did.
1. What ever you do, don't call him Hussein!
2. Being we are shackled together and sleep together, would you please cut your toenails?
3. He's got a butterfly tramp stamp. Pass it on.
4. Wouldn't you think by now, that these idiots would have invented the sail?
5. Who are those + and - guys in the rear?
C. L. Sumpter, High Point

This is better than Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean.
Dick Elli, Pleasant Garden

"I'm writing a science fiction novel in which all of the boats go on their own power."
Nelson Harrill, Greensboro

1. "Everyone's doing so great on this Nordic Weight Loss Cruise!"
2. "I love the drummer's rendition of "Beat It". "
3. "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay My, oh my what a wonderful day..."
4. "I spy something brown."
5. "I really like the tough guy with the whip."
6. "His hat reminds me when I was lost at sea with me matey's and a bull..."
7. "Hey, that's Tim in the back. He used to draw cartoons for the "Odin Times"."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
1. "I hear we're doing a pre-quel to 'Deliverance.'"
2. "Just like disco ... 120 beats per minute."
3. "The task-master likes me ... he called me 'chum.'"
4. "This gives me an idea for a board game ... 'Monotony.'"
5. I'll figure out a way out of this, or my name isn't Evinrude!"
6. "We're headed to someplace called Niagra Falls."
8. "We're in time trials against some guy named Columbus."
9. "We've gotta be safe in a boat named Titanic!"
10. "Great! Everybody's in a window or aisle seat."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"If Charlton Heston can escape from this and then win the chariot race I can too."
"We supply renewable energy that does not contribute to global warming."
"Shanghai Cruise Line's brochure did not say anything about this!"
Norman Welker, Greensboro

THE OPTOMIST: "This must be what they call 'our place in the sun.'"
Jean Herring, High Point

"I wish people would wait until fuel prices go down before taking a cruise."
Ron Blevins, Randleman

"Since when did Vikings operate galleys!"
"Introduce me to your sister Ben-him."
"Dimitri ought to hire these guys for the percussion section."
"This is a local. The express is really hard work."
"Yo, Spitzer, the judge thought we were hanging around with oars."
"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, huh?"
"That scoundral! He made us think he was a legitamate Navy recruiter."
Max Harless, High Point

"Oh, No! The captain wants to water ski."
Art Newnam, Greensboro

"Wow! He's playing our song."
Donald H. Brown, Greensboro

1. "Ironically, I stole the King's outboard motor!"
2. "Don't worry, I hid the water skis."
3. "I still wouldn't trade places with Bill Clinton."
4. "Hey man, plenty of sun, sit-down job, no campaign updates."
5. "I was the captain of the VALDEZ, this is community service."
Frank Freeman, Greensboro