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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Wow. I liked this week's drawing and thought there were some potentially good gags for it, but I also assumed they would be very similar. But you guys really pushed the envelope and came up with a lot of really different and original takes.
Bravo.
But a word of advice for others of you - Lay off the puns.
And, as you may remember from last week, I wrote the first six captions that came to my mind for this cartoon. (a limit so as not to benefit from any of your ideas throughout the week.)
Well, that was a mistake as many of you took me to school. (There were a LOT of good entries. A LOT!) Others of you had similar captions as mine. You can read my captions below.
You’ve read my comments on your work, now here’s your chance to return the favor. Just add a comment to this page.

OK, as promised, here are my entries - the first half-dozen ideas that popped into my head.

"...And all opposed?"
"Remind me, on this last business trip, which of you guys had to share a room with Baloo?"
"Well, in his defense, you did try to take credit for his idea and you know how territorial bears are."
"OK, I want to know which of you guys did that to Johnson."
"Gentlemen, I'm afraid we're in a bear market." (lame)
"Bad news, Koda. Starting Monday we're going to outsource all mauling to a Panda in China."
And my favorite ...
"Well, your idea stunk Jenkins! How 'bout you smithers? Any idea how to get rid of this bear?"
Tim Rickard, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKES: "Well Rickard, maybe next time you'll remember to include the Best Obscure Cultural Reference Award in your blog." Bob Mannary, Greensboro
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE AWARD: "Jenkins, tell Jim Fowler no more proxy voting." - Joel Tuggle, Archdale
"It's just a bear. This week I have to beat a cartoonist." - Joel Clark, Greensboro
Well, you did it. Proud of yourself?
... and no. I'm not crying.

WINNER
"I presume the disagreement over the corner office has been resolved?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"Don't worry guys, winter's coming"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

I told you to play dead.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"I'm disappointed. We're supposed to be team players and only Ned here looks mauled."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Does anybody else have a problem with 'Bring A Bear To Work Day'"?
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Any other objections?"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"How's that carpoolin' working out?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I see that we are now unanimous."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

Anyone else object to ordering salmon for lunch?
Greg Brown, Greensboro

MORE RUNNERS-UP (these lost by hair)
Why do you just assume it was the bear?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"Mr.Jones, as you can see, Yogi prefers to sit in the first seat....Although we applaud your effort."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Are there any other requests to remove the bear from the table?"
Dave Derence, Greensboro

"WHAT a coincidence!!! Yogi is here about a bear attack, too!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"What have we learned about letting Ted sleep through these meetings?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Sorry I'm late fellas...did I miss anything?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Wow...is it mating season already?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Looks like you two met already!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"O.K, does anyone else have the "wounded elk" ring tone?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Well if he nods off again, I say we just let him sleep."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Wow, that really was a hostile takeover."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Jenkins, tell Jim Fowler no more proxy voting."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I was wrong. He is not more scared of you than you are of him."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Let's see if I can guess who brought salmon for lunch."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"You can see him too ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

THE REST (some more good ones here. Really.)
1. Tim, It looks like you've been wrestling a bear.
2. I said no more bear hugs.
3. Bear with me.
4. It looks like you've been in a BEAR fight.
5. He says he didn't assault that Park Ranger!
6. I said grin and bear it!
7. A couple of you look like you've been sleeping in the woods.
8. I told you he was a bear in the mornings.
9. These meeting are getting unBearable.
10. Smokey, you can't come to these meetings Bear-naked.
11. Smokey, You can't walk around Bear-naked.
12. Enough with the Bear Nelsons.
13. You two EmBEARass me.
13. You're an embearassment to this company.
14. All I wanted was a teddy bear.
Nancy Nelson

"Arnold, do you have any other reservations about Barney as our new chairman?"
Bill Briggs, Greensboro

"Any more objections to serving honey in our cafeteria?"
Bill Briggs, Greensboro

"OK, Barney. The dress code doesn't apply to you."
Bill Briggs, Greensboro

"As you know, it's been a rough week on wall street."
Rick Meehan Graham

"Lets break for lunch, we're having smoked salmon."
Deb Meehan, Graham

"See! I can't bear bad news!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Teddy, when Jeffrey said that you were being 'bearish,' it was just a stock market term."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Does anybody else have any other Charmin jokes they'd like to share?"
"Anybody else still wondering if a bear poops in the woods?"
"Are there any other Mr. Whipple fans in the room?"
"As we can all see from Tim's little demonstration that our Bear-Proof clothing line needs a little more work."
"Alrighty then...we will NOT be including a petting zoo at this years company picnic."
"Mr. Heston...anything else you would like to add before we take another vote?"
"Darn It Ted! Stop Roughing Up The Cartoonists!"
"OK...Looks like Teddy needs a little more work on his dance steps..."
"Well Rickard, maybe next time you'll remember to include the Best Obscure Cultural Reference Award in your blog."
"Looks like SOMEBODY's wearing Honeysuckle cologne again..."
"Darn it Tim, you really need to stop wearing AXE body spray to these meetings..."
"Wow...is it mating season already?"
"Apparently you didn't get the memo about wearing your Man Suit today huh Jim?"
"Let it go Ted...some people just thought Boo-Boo was cuter."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Teddy, you can't just maul Ken because he disagreed with your proposal to the Board."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Look gentlemen, do my words bear repeating?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Looks like you've had enough Stearns. Bear, your next!"
Bruce Aglio, Kernersville

"Wouldn't you perfer pats on the back?"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Bear witness ! Work harder or else!"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Must my words bear repeating?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Bearish market we've ever seen!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Look ! I'm no teddy bear."
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"See! We can too squeeze some more profit."
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"See! Sometimes the bare facts hurt."
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Next: Swinson, here, will give his report on what bears do in the woods."
joel dobson

15. Well it's a bear market these days.
16. I told you I wanted a Bull!
17. I'd like to introduce to Bear Market.
18. Smokey you don't go bare.
19. It's time to Bear all.
Nancy Nelson

"Bruno, you have to stop mauling the vice-presidents."
"You know better than to upset Bruno before he's had his coffee."
"If you can't beat the bear, you'll never make vice-president."
"For the last time, don't taunt the bear!"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Okay, do we have a consensus?"
Von A. Neal, Reidsville

"Where did you learn your business accruement, the woods?"
"So does anyone else oppose the bear's suggestion?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Since you put it that way, a cave in the breakroom sounds great."
"You may have misread me when I said business is cutthroat."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Whoa! I thought bears only did that in the woods!"
George A. Boschini, Greensboro

"Yes ! I've had to claw my way to the top."
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Yes! I'm convinced it's a bear market."
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Understand, no grizzling allowed at this level."
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Bear in mind,there is one present
Joyce Spangler

"Could you be a bipolar bear?"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Please take that fur coat off and cool it!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I know he's getting under your skin ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Is that tie crooked?"
"Your late...again"
"Great idea, the bear will make them buy"
"If the Bear doesn't work, go with plan K"
"Time for plan 'B' as in Bear"
"I want him on Cereal, Juice, Candy,?everything'
"Bear, like Buy, Good."
"Pooh was booked"
"This guys a lot cheaper than Pooh"
?"I guess you guys didn't tell Johnson the bear suit was out of stock"
Park Groves Greensboro

"Looks like our wildlife association board has a new Executive V.P.!"
Ed Greenawald, Greensboro

"I'm sorry, Smokey. We're gonna have to let you go."
Claudia Hooker, Greensboro

"Um...actually Bear Market IS considered politically correct..."
Rupert Burton

"Some of you would agree that we've had a rough year."
"I've asked you to bring your biggest concern to the table today..."
"It could be worse. He could be hibernating."
"Joe, did you smuggle toothpaste to the meeting again?"
"He's mad,too. Can't make the payments on his den!"Kris Voy, Trinity

1- Now, sir, Mr. Bear claims you trespassed on his British Columbia property.
2- So, let's begin treaty talks between Chechnya and Russia.
3- Mr. Ursa is a fanatic Latin scholar. You shouldn't have said,"summer hibernation."
Cathy Harless (that you, Max?)
Well, no doubt the most erudite entries this week.

2. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you; never call Ted the "grizzled" veteran.
3. I'd hold off on referring to our impending bankruptcy as "The Big BooBoo"!
4. I hope you are all aware that becoming the next football coach at Alabama includes a rigorous interview process.
5. Admit it Smith, Chicago might just be a great spot for our next convention.
Greg Brown, Greensboro

1."You should never call anyone a bear faced liar, especially a bear".
2."Apparently Bear Share was HIS idea".
3."What part of no bear hugs did you NOT understand?"
4."I told you Tom, this was not your fight to fight".
5."I told you handshakes only, no bear hugs".
6.All you PETA people have to learn you can not argue with a bear for wearing fur".
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

'No more bear market jokes, Johnson'
"Now we know what happens in the woods."
'Adam did call 'shotgun,' Johnson.
'Handshakes, not bear hugs.'
'No more Grizzly Adams Jokes, Johnson.'
'How was your sabbatical in Alaska, Adams?"
'Anybody else want to exclude Salmon Salad from the cafeteria?'
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
Some good ones here, Jon.

1. The Woods?....Down the hall, 3rd door on right.
2. Don't I do WHAT in the woods?
3. A firm hand shake is generally enough.
4. Well, actually, "hugging" does border on sexually harassment.
5. Goldie Lock for the center fold this issue?
6. Smither's didn't realize we have assigned seating. It won't happen again.
7. When Smither's said it's a "bull" market, that's not a racial slur.....
8. Smither's played the "racial card" when he said it was a "bull" market.
9.Does that one feel "just right" ?
10: What do you mean too hard... They're all the same.
Jim Wiglesworth, Greensboro
"Smither is a great business name, huh? Nice stuff here too.

"Jones, how was the sleep-over at Teddy's place?"
"You hit a deer on the way in with Teddy?! What happened to the deer?"
"Teddy, better cool it with the bear hugs!"
"Teddy, again, "does a bear do it in the woods" is just an expression"
"Does someone need a time out?!"
"Jones, use the indoor facilities"
"Good, it's now unanimous!. We will sponsor the Teddy Bear picnic!"
"Jones, looks like you wrestled with a bear!!"
"Let's put the hostile takeover behind us. Here is you new CEO!"
"Jones, looks like you sleep in the woods!!"
"How was the weekend field trip with Teddy?"
"You were kidnapped and then released after the 10 pounds of honey ransom was paid! Wow, who do you think would so such a thing?!!"
"Jones, that's why can happen when you buy cheap toilet tissue!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Okay, all in favor of giving the team mascot a raise?"
Walter Weber

Does anyone ELSE. object to the Honey Co. Merger?
Mr. Stearns, I assume you've met Mr. Bear
You did say.. you had a "Blackberry" on you!
Joe Siernos, Greensboro

Note: Due to the terrible accident in California this past week, I will not be submittting a joke this week.
But, if I did it would be something like:
"Well Walter, you're the one who wanted to represent the Semi-Pro."
Sorry, DD, Greensboro
Thank goodness you didn't enter it.

"It's o.k to vote, just do it slowly, Slowly."
"Anyone else want to make a takeover bid?"
"Everyone remain calm. Harold, do you feel like you're going to sneeze again?"
"I forgot to tell you guys that it's "bring your cubs to work" day."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Johnson, curl up into a ball and second his vote."
"Ralph had no way of knowing he liked Chicago."
"O.K, no more jokes about where he takes his bathroom breaks."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Don't anyone change their vote. He'll sense it as a sign of weakness."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"He said money, not honey!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"That's our new smoke free policy!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"GoldieLocks ! No more covering these office affairs under my rug!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Bear facts can hurt!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

So are you saying the bull has left the building?
Our esteemed bear market representative will now speak on "The Myth of Throwing Good Money After Bad."
Beaten up by a bull market and you still want to cozy up to a bear?
If you don't know how to navigate a bull market . . . .
Fred, you're a disgrace to Wall Street. You have the floor now, Mr. Bruin.
Do you understand the difference in a bull market and a bear market?
SOME of us still have eggs to put in your basket, Mr. Bruin.
Whatever happened to "burned once, twice shy"?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I hate it when I have to bear down!"
Frank C . Leonard, Lexington

"Simmons, I warned you about wearing that salmon-scented aftershave!"
Scott Romine, UNC-Greensboro

Just so we are clear, there will be no more eating of gummy bears in the boardroom.
James Rose, Jamestown

(Correction) 17. I'd like to introduce Bear Market.
20. Yogi said he didn't steal the picnic baskets.
21. You two need to stop wrestling over the picnic baskets.
22. He's here to give us the Bear Facts.
23. We need to Bear Down and get this job finished.
24. I can't bear all this conflict.
Nancy Nelson

25. I will bear the brunt of this latest financial disaster myself.
26. As you can see we're loaded for BEAR.
27. We now have a bear by the tail.
Nancy Nelson

28. No comments, then this meeting is adjourned.
Nancy Nelson

1) "It's just a bear. This week I have to beat a cartoonist."
2) "When he says only you can prevent forest fires, he means it."
3) "I'm sorry, but the lunch bag did have his name on it."
4) "Does anyone else object?"
5) "He misunderstood what you meant by having a bear claw for breakfast."
6) "Don't worry guys, winter's coming"
7) "I guess you have your answer. Yes he does do that in the woods."
8) "Wow Jim, you look like what he does in the woods."
9) "I warned you about the eye contact!"
11) "NO means NO!!"
12) "Let's see if I can guess who brought salmon for lunch."
13) "Rule # 1- No food in the meetings. Rule # 2- See rule # 1."
14) "He is a hands on type of manager."
15) "I warned you he can be funny about touching his porridge."
16) "You can see him too ? "
17) "Just who is endangered here?"
18) "Next week we are hiring # 7."
19) "You are the one who's dating Goldielocks."
20) "Great meeting, and remember not to feed Smokey."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

It's worse than you thought. They just dropped your medical.
I bet you won't stand between her and her cub again.
One too many bear market jokes.
I see some of you have met Big Ben.
I told you not to metion your bear skin rug.
That's one heck of a nervous twitch!
Now that's what I call downsizing.
If I were you, I'd stop calling him Pooh Bear.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

Great demo, Dave, but I think we all know what a bear market is.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

We've now all see what happens to Tommy when he doesn't get the last donut.
Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

"This's not 'Bring Your Pet to Work' week."
"Don't call him Yogi."
''You had the nerve to ask him where is his blue suit."
"It's a bear's market and we need all the help we can get."
"Mr. Bill Gates,don't let everyone out-dress you."
"Can't you all keep your hands to yourselves?"
"He doesn't like being tickle."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"We feel that this week's negotiations went well, so Yogi will become a part of all of our weekly meetings."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Mr.Jones, If it was so important to you to sit in the first seat, we suggest that in the future you get here earlier."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I'm not in the mood for any excuses. I suggest that next week you take a little more effort with how you are dressed, Fred."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Jack Hanna you're not."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Bob, as long as you're going to keep wearing that Bear Spray, Teddy is going to keep annoying you."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I know he LOOKS like a Teddy Bear, but he does NOT like having his belly rubbed."
"I know he LOOKS like a Teddy Bear, but he does NOT like having his belly rubbed.....but I don't need to tell you that, do I, Jim?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Now the meeting can come to order."
"Are we all in agreement now?"
"Shall we try that vote again?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, not everyone likes bear hugs."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Smokey, this is just a brainstorming session, don't take it personally"
Mary Beth Brown, Greensboro

"I said heel, not head".
(Something about that bear that killed it's trainer...)
Mary Beth Brown, Greensboro

"Let me remind everyone that bear wrestling on company time will no longer be tolerated."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Smokey, maybe an office job isn't for you"
Mary Beth Brown, Greensboro

"I understand that one of you preferred that this year's banquet be vegetarian?"
Thank you!, CC Cockerham

"Hat's off to Jim & Bo Bo, who are now carpooling!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Ate the last Honey Bun again didn't you Jenkins?"
"Good heavens Dithers what did you do, SLEEP in that suit?"
"I think it might be best if we just KEEP 'Grizzly Adams' in its current time slot..."
"Personally, I think Smokey IS doing a good job with Fire Prevention Week."
"Haven't had your coffee yet this morning huh Barry?"
"Alright...who started it THIS time?"
"Next time will you PLEASE just let him sleep?!?"
"Alright Gentlemen...today's topic is now Anger Management."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I'd lay off the bipolar remarks if I were you Davenport."
"That's what you get for accusing him of hibernating on the job."
"OK, OK, we'll have salmon not barbecue at the company picnic."
Gray Amick, Bearing Straits

SNAIL MAIL
"Does anybody else have any suggestions?
W. Hugh Reavis, Greensboro

"There being no second, the honey bee policy motion fails.
"Well, then it's resolved, from now on it's the "Bears and the Bees!"
"There being no second to the motion, the hibernation vacation policy remains.
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

"Hi everyone. Are you having a hard time figuring what to put down for this cartoon?"
This entry by James E. Ferrell of McLeansville --- winner of "best inside joke" on the blog, sums up this week's captions.
In the "if at first you don’t succeed" department, a big salute to frequent contributor Marsha Elam this week for her beautifully concise, but commonsensical caption.
And, for the culturally-deprived: that's Iron Man.
BEST INSIDE JOKE: (See above)ALSO : "We’re not really needed anymore with Brewster defending our skies now" from Park Groves (Have to plug the Rockit-guy)
BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE: "Well, they wanted Buddy Ebsen to do this but he was allergic to the paint."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
A reference, of course, to the fact Buddy Ebsen was picked to play the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, but had to bow out because he was allergic to the metalic make-up. The part went to Jack Haley. A tip of the hat goes to all the Ozzy Osbourne-Black Sabbath references.

WINNER
"Straw."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
A couple others had the straw idea, but we liked the one-word approach

RUNNERS-UP
"Who do you have to rescue to get some peanuts in this joint?"
Mark Binker

"Now my doctor says I have low iron. Ain't that a kick in the teeth?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"I tell ya', the more I drink, the better that jukebox is looking."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Don't tell me --- you left your wallet in your 'other' utility belt."
Barry McKenzie

"My lines were all working tonight until she used her Lasso of Truth."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"You're right, that is Hillary."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Just once I'd like to meet a girl at these comic book conventions."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"Please don't let Wonder Woman's baby be made of iron."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

They keeping asking if I was in Star Wars.
Nancy Nelson

THE REST
"Hey! I heard a good joke. Two guys walk into a bar..."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Uh Oh! I just waved at that guy I thought was Jabba the Hut, but now I don't think it is....Where's Luke Skywalker when you need him."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Hey! There's Spidey. Over Here!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Uh Oh Man. Could you hand me the oil? I'm freezin' up again."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Smooth. I just waved and it wasn't her."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1. Super Heros don't cry in there beer.
2. Batman she's not worth it.
3. Who are you, really!
4.Crime fighting with you wasn't any fun!
Nancy Nelson

"You're right, that is Hillary."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"With a name like Zeroman, I got noware."
Rick Meehan, Graham

5. I'm so depressed, noone knows who Robot O is.
6. They keeping asking if I was in Star Wars.
7. They keep asking me about R2D2.
8. Don't they know I'm a transformer.
9. Who is this R2D2?
10. Can I partner with you, R2D2 doesn't want me anymore?
11. Batman whats wrong, am I talking too much?
Nancy Nelson

Just because superman was born with powers doesn't mean he is better than us.
James Rose, Jamestown

"And then Wonder Woman said that Superman had a sweeter-looking face than me."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I told her that even superheroes have to get out of the house sometimes."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I do the laundry, cooking, shopping ... who does she think I am Superman?'
or just "...who does she think I am, Superman?"
"Robert Downey? I'll have a drink to that"
"What if I don't want to transform?"
"What do you think, Invisible Girl?"
"Sounds like Robin laid an egg."
"Beer isn't Kryptonite. Where's Clark?"
"Lois wouldn't let Clark out tonight"
"Does a superhero need to change diapers?"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"Man, I’d kill for straw right now."
"Who do you have to rescue to get some peanuts in this joint?"
"And then she said she was holding out for the man of steel."
"So, long story short, leaving the suit made of one of the heaviest metals on the planet out in the sun all afternoon was not a good move."
"I was hoping they’d get Tom Cruise to play me."
"Hey, don’t complain. At least you HAVE a sidekick."
"What did she want? I got the cat out of the tree – it was just a little singed is all."
Mark Binker

"So this is the fortress of solitude?"
"I’m a hit, woop de la freaking do!"
"I’m mean what do we get, one movie every 20 years?"
"At least we did better than Hulk"
"What movie isn’t better than Hulk"
"When you think about it, Captain America is now more like a policeman more than a superhero"
"Policeman, Captain America, same difference"
"You have the bat symbol, I guess I’m just suppose to be there"
"15 million? I risked my life for 15 Million"
"Spidy is just not there for me anymore"
"I just got drafted, Me!"
"And then I have Jury duty, come on"
"We’re not really needed anymore with Brewster defending our skies now"
"No, No, No, I’ll fly, I’ll fly"
"I’m not gonna’ let ya fly home, No, No"
"Ya mean Captain America is not a policeman?"
Park Groves, Greensboro
Liked the fortress of solitude one, but it would have worked better with Superman. Maybe substitute the Batcave instead?

"We're just a couple of superheros trying to get through the day. We're not Super Delegates you know!"
Mel Martin, Reidsville

At least you wont rust when it rains !!!!
thomas lyle ,greensboro

"Five bucks says you can't get Catwoman's number."
"Why is it every time I fall in love the girl turns out to be a super villain?"
"I never knew you liked piña coladas and getting caught in the rain."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"You know what's harder than ridding the world of crime and injustice? Trying to drink this beer without any lips."
Holly Lyle, Greensboro

Gee, Batman, why does everyone say I'm so dense??? Duh, Ironman, could it be because you have a shell made out of iron??!!
Patricia, Greensboro

Gee, Batman, why does everyone say I'm so dense? Well, Ironman, don't let
that stuff bother you. Maybe you need to develop a thicker skin.
Patricia, Greensboro

If you think the Batmobile guzzles gas, you'd croak if you had to use these rockets I have on the bottom of my feet!!! I only get 2 miles per gallon. I need to look into a hybrid model.
Patricia, Greensboro

I tell you, if the wife says "Why can't you be more sensitive like Batman", one more time, I'm gone for good!!! I don't know what you've done, but you're ruining my marriage.
Patricia, Greensboro

Well, Batman, if I had a cute sidekick like Robin, I'd have made it big too.
Patricia, Greensboro

That utility belt has everything from an A-bomb to dental floss; whaddaya mean you left your wallet back at the cave?
E. T. Edwards, Greensboro
right idea, but it was handled better by the runner-up.

Thanks for the stimilus checks.
James O. Durham-Greensboro

"Do these people really believe Hillary & Obama are Super Heroes?"
Judith Bankey, Greensboro

"We haven't had much work since that Superman guy came to town."
Ken Bankey, Greensboro

How can you say "I'm nosey?"
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"And then Wonder Woman said that Superman had a sweeter looking face than I do."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Time for a little meeting of the heads!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I told her that even super heroes have to get out of the house and relax sometimes."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Gee, Batman, Your cowl has to be more comfortable than mine."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I mean what does she expect, does she think that I'm Super Man??
"I'm not made of steel you know, I have feelings"
Carrie Armstrong, Reidsville
Liked these, especially the second one, it made the short list

"So why weren't we picked for Superdelegates?"
Joan A. Hunt, Greensboro

"I can't get a partner for Dancing with the Stars either"
Ken Hunt, Greensboro
Liked this. Made the short list

"...And then Jeremiah Wright was all like, 'When's Thor gonna get HIS movie'..."
No name given

"I know that good help is hard to find these days"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"Superman & Spiderman get all the glory these days"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"Holy smokes Batman, did you see Catwoman with Robin"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

1) So I said to Hillary, who do you think you are, Superman?
2) "Iron Man" this, " Iron Man" that...shshsh!
3) Let's face it--it's all about Hillary and Obama these days!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

Sorry dude. I heard about the foreclosure on your batmobile.   
David M. Keever, Archdale
Liked the idea, but foreclosure on the batcave would have worked better.

"This will really be a great mug shot of the two of us!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Life is great Batman, if you can stand it!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Let's get a grip on this situation together ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Bottoms-up to crime down ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"What are you staring at!!??"
"Can't two Super Heroes have a drink without being bothered?"
"The Malibu salt spray plays havoc with my outfit!"
"Barkeep, I need a straw!"
"We need more peanuts!"
"Do you have any munchies?"
"WD-40 keeps me loose"
"Keep them coming, I am getting rusted tonight!"
"What's with you and Robin?"
"Thanks for the invite, but the Bat Cave is too damp for me!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

"These days, Batboy, laser trumps echolocation!"
"I told you my technology degree would come in handy!"
"Chicks dig laser!"
"Got a little laser treatment business going on the side..."
"With the glut of self-help books, the superhero business has taken a little hit."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Uh oh Bats, nature's calling and I'll never get outta this armor in time."
"Lemme get outta this armor or I'll rust when the beer kicks in."
"My wife assumes because I'm Ironman, I should always do laundry."
"Let's get this party started...Put on some Black Sabbath!"
Brandon Breeze

As long as John Robinson is at the N&R, and Obama is running for President, we'll never be the lead story again.
Talk about irony...I got to work today only to find out I had been replaced by a machine.
We were just starting to get close when I found out her old boyfriend was Superman.
So she say's "Spiderman can kiss his girlfriend hanging upside down"...and I say "Catwoman has a few tricks of her own". That's the last time I saw her.
David Robinette

"Just root bear.I'm flying today."
"Keep the root beer coming--I'm the designated flyer."
"I thought we had something good until she asked me to wear my armor 24/7."
"Straw, please."
"I'm just another pretty mask to her."
"Women! All they want is a pretty mask."
"I try to keep moving--otherwise birds think I'm a statue.
It's been one of those days.five birds dumped on me."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"You know, Dale, I'm not sure this is what they mean by "Alcoholics Anonymous."
Jordan Hart, Greensboro

And one for our homies.
I love you man....hiccup
My lawyer so there's nothing I can do to Black Sabbath.
A gay costume party ? You got us invited to a gay costume party?
I save her baby's life, now she's sueing me.
How many times must I apologize? The power went out and I overslept.
But why can't we tell our parents?
Sometimes I can't just drop what I'm doing and go save a kitty.
I say I'm having a beer with Batman...she hears I'm sleeping with Wonderwoman.
I really didn't put enough thought into the suit of iron.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
Liked the "can't tell our parents one" and the "homies" one too for some reason.

"Does anybody have an Immodium and an adjustable wrench?"
"I tell ya', the more I drink, the better that jukebox is looking."
"Hey bartender, pull my finger and (hic) stand back."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Look at them. Staring at me like I'm some kind of nutjob."
"She really hurt me but I've always been a little thin-skinned."
"Well, they wanted Buddy Ebsen to do this but he was allergic to the paint."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"That's odd.I get a free refill when I raise my hand."
Marsha Elam

"Then he asked for my ID card, Can you believe that,Batman?"
Dave Derence, Greensboro

1) " You just can't imagine how hard it is to go to the bathroom in this get up . "
3) " I've got a degree in engineering. I don't need this crap . "
4) " I say if you save the world you deserve a reward, but noooo !! "
6) " And I do this WHY ? "
7) " I had the bartender's brother sent to prison, now I don't trust the beer . "
8) " Now I owe my bookie a thousand dollars. Stupid Kobe !! "
9) " Then she said.. Is big strong superhero scared of a little bitty commitment ? "
10) " Oh no, there's Superman ! I told him we were staying in tonight . "
11) " They just kept coming and coming ! Robin never had a chance ! "
12) " How many times do I have to explain this ? We conceal our identities because of all the collateral damage . "
13) " So what...we ran like stinking cowards...means nothing . "
14) " And once she puts you in the hero zone there's no coming back. "
15) " God forbid I just want to lay around the house on Saturday morning ?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro

A toast to MY takeover of earth! Here's to "OILMAN"
"BANG" ZAP" . "SPLAT" looks like Robin didn't made it to the restroom!
At least we agree on ONE thing! There's no such thing as bad beer!
My name? It's "SUPER-ZERO"! No-Body expects ME to do anything!
Brilliant IDEA Batman! We SIT at the END of the bar where the crooks won't notice us!Joe Siernos, Greensboro

" FIDO ( Forget it, drive on ) Batman. Wonder Woman isn't your type anyway ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Gimme the keys. When you're drunk, you drive just like a bat outta..."
Ian Knight, Greensboro

1- Bat Man and I agree this is the finest root beer anywhere.
2- This sudsy lubricates my hinges and axles nicely.
3- Since Robin left, my circuits are being programmed to replace him.
Max Harless, High Point

1. "I tell ya' it's tough being a Super Hero these days. If you ain't a Super Delegate your nuthin'!"
2. "I swear, all I was doing was adjusting his cape when in walks Wonder Woman!"
Greg Brown, Greensboro

"Do you need to be excused too?"
"If you need to be excused, raise your hand."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"What's your question Snake Man?"
"What's your question Viper Man"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Look on the bright side, global warming will take care of the Penguin for you."
"Sorry to hear Iron Maiden ran off with the Tin Man."
"It just cost me $85 to fill up the batmobile, I can't buy the next round."
Gray Amick, Gotham City
How're things in Gotham?

"...All in favor say 'Aye'. "
"...All in favor say 'Aye'........whoopee. "
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Watch what Spiderman taught me!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I think I'm having an identity crisis."
"Do you ever feel like you're not in your own skin?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I cant believe they asked for your ID, Batman."
Dave Derence, Greensboro
Nice

(1) Talk about paranoid--Hillary actually called to see if I'd cover up my "O" til after the convention!
(2) Hey, Bartender! Can I get a straw over here?
Liked the straw one obviously, but here, briefer was better.
Diane Bishop, Greensboro

"So I said, 'Look Ozzie; thanks for the song, but there's no way I'm showin' at OzFest.'"
Barry McKenzie

"Don't tell me--you left your wallet in your 'other' utility belt."
Barry McKenzie

" I'm teetotally for Robin driving us home ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Iron Man you need to work on those rusty pick up lines."
Gray Amick, Gotham City

"First they hire a playboy junky to play me. Now, Ozzy's doing the theme song."
David Downing, Greensboro

" Don't cry to me about you having to buy gas for your Batmobile. Get rid of
that thing and get a hybrid."
" Got any WD-40."
"Hi everyone. Are you having a hard time figuring what to put down for this cartoon?''
" Hillary wants my superdelegate vote."
"For the last time, The O doesn't stand for Obama."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

SNAIL MAIL
"So now Dora the Explorer is booked, and I can't get a job."
"And on top of all that, last week my Mom told me I was adopted."
"Destroying provate property? All I did was knock on her door!"
"Can you believe that the only job I can get is a security Man?"
"So I had to come back to the city because no one would believe I was a local."
"And now she wants me to e-mail her an I hate computers!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"I don't need that stuff, I'm mechanically robotic."
Jim Drummond, Gibsonville

"Looks like Spidey won't be joining us after all."
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Does anybody else have any suggestions?"
Hugh reavis, Greensboro

"It cost more to fill up every day."
Ruby Combs, Stokesdale

"...Then she say 'you're just not vulnerable enough!' Then I says 'Duh!, I'm iron Man!' That's when she tazed me, bro."
Stephen Bolmer, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

A big thanks to Park Groves (winner of best inside joke) and Erica Rutishauser for not only noticing that Parade magazine has started their own "write your own caption" cartoon, but they practically stole my drawing from last week for this Sunday's feature. I don't know what kind of responses they'll get with a national audience, but I'll put you guys up against them any day. We'll compare their best with yours next week.
Yes it's cartoon smackdown! Be there!

BEST INSIDE JOKE: (as promised) "I hope PARADE doesn't steal this one"
Park Groves, Greensboro

MOST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE: "Us chickens just watched the battle at Kruger and was wondering if you'd step outside."Joel Tuggle, Archdale

WINNER
"Well, there goes my child support!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"That fox trap didn't work again last night!"
Rick Meehan, Graham
Rick, you lost a virtual coin-toss for the top prize.

"A-Hem..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Had at least one vote for winner

"So, that's why you told me not to count them until they have hatched?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
clever

Ever heard of eggbeaters!
Nancy Nelson

"I guess I can cancel the sonogram appointment."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
You're on a roll, Marsha.

"I hope your cholesterol level goes sky-high!"
Ken Layton, Carthage

"You want hash browns with those?"
ERNY KAROLY
Liked the way this worked with the chicken's expression

What do you mean you've had better ?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

THE REST
"How would you feel if I ate your children?"
Mack Gordy, Greensboro

2. Eat more Beef.
3. If they don't kill you I will!
4. I quit! 5. The Yokes on You.
6. Wait until PETA hears about this.
7. They had a Right to Life.
8. You must be a Democrat.
9. Cluck, cluck, cluck!
10. Murderer!
Nancy Nelson
The cluck cluck idea was cute. Two others had the same idea.

11. Look they're staring back at you.
12. Couldn't you at least have waited for them to grow-up?
13. Next time, scrabble them it's more humane.
14. Their cholesteral will kill you.
15. You'll pay dearly for those eggs.
Nancy Nelson

"What now Rickard, a yolks on you blog?"
Joel Clark, Greensboro
haw Haw. The jokes really on you and Bob Mannary. You two think alike. (see below)

You're right -- I am an old wet settin' hen!
Just 'cause you say they're duck eggs doesn't make 'em duck eggs.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"You beast! We'd all ready picked out the names "Bob" and "Rob."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I'm not sitting still over this ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You told me you were taking the kids to the park!
Kevin Murray, Summerfield
I liked this one. Made the short list

They're not rotten.my boyfriend is a skunk!
Ray Kislowski, Sr., McLeansville

1- "Barbarian!!".
2- "Hey, those are my kids"!!
ERNY KAROLY

"What?! No eulogy?"
"No eulogy?"
"What happened to the eulogy?"
"Have you ever heard of an eulogy?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

For the last time Craig... take that filthy hat off at the dinner table!!!
Jeremy Williams, Greensboro
Liked the post-modern feel of this

16. I guess I won't be celebrating Mother's Day again this year.
17. Chicks are cuter.
18. Eat more bacon. Nancy Nelson
19. Those were my babies.
20. What have you done to my children?
21. I'll be hen pecking you for this.
21. I've been fed steroids.
22. I told the ASPA about you.
Nancy Nelson

1. "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I FRIED YOUR TWO KIDS AND ATE THEM?"
2."DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU EAT YOUR NEIGHBORS KIDS?"
3.
PAULA HAIRSTON

Lay your own eggs buster !!
I am filing wrongful death charges !!
Does PETA know about you ??
I am tired of pushing out eggs for your pleasure !
I hope you swallow wrong !
May feathers grow on your butt and a farmer pick your hide!
You wait till the all the girls hear about this !
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. You wait till the girls in the hen house hear about this !!
2. You wait till the girls hear about this !
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I thought you said you were sending them off to boarding school"
Todd Needles

And why doesn't the Right to Life apply in this case then?
Sue Wood

Jonathan Fraher Greensboro
BAWK-BAWK-BAWK!

"The least you could have done was left me the twins."
"No wonder the pig doesn't like you."
"This explains why the pig doesn't like you.
"Mary Lou and George?"
"Five hours of back labor for this?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Hey thought you believed in the Right to Life
Sue Wood

"I may be just the waitress, but I put my life into this job."
"Of course I recognize them-I gave birth to them."
"'Family business' my foot!"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Traitor."
"Those better not be mine."
"How could you?!?!"
"I thought you said that you'd switched to Egg Beaters."
"Do you realize where those things have been?"
"You know those things are high in cholesterol."
"This doesn't look like "just borrowing them" to me."
"I thought you said that you were taking them to live on a farm."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

"That fox has been at it again?"
Rick Meehan, Graham

1."Next time just wring my neck, it'll hurt less".
PAULA HAIRSTON

"How can I keep on the sunny side?"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Thought you were pro - life!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1) "They'd have been a couple of cute chicks in one more week!"
2) "What you people eat--disgusting!"
3) "How'd you like some egg on your face?"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"I SEE YOU POACHED MY EGGS"
BETTY JO HILL, GREENSBORO
cute

23. Is this stem cell research?
Naaancy Nelson

Enjoy! Those eggs were used to incubate flu vaccine.
If you weren't so impatient you could have had chicken legs in July.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Waddya mean birth control???
Patricia W, Greensboro

Read the menu again -- those eggs are SONNY side up!
Those eggs aren't sunny side up; they're sonny side up.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

parade stole your ideas and cartoon
copy cats------ parade.com/cartoons
"I hope PARADE doesn't steal this one"
"No harm NO Fowl?"
"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"Do you MIND?"
"Not Jimmy and Kate"
"You said they ran away!"
"Eat More COW"
"Your about to see my Large Talons"
"$@*# Chic-fil-a"
-Park Groves, Greensboro

"Eggs...Really?"
Brandon Breeze, Geensboro

"Can't say I blame the pig for running away."
"The cow was right."
"I can see the cow wasn't exaggerating."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Over my dead body."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"You're egging me to a pecking stroke!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
Frank said: I feel good about this one. Maybe a winner at last!
Sorry, Not this week. Ask Marsha from last week and Frank from this week about the value of not giving up, though.

"After all I've done for you, this is how you repay me!"
Sadiyah Abdullah

"Lay your own eggs!!"
"What else do you want to eat that's mine?!!"
"First my eggs; what's next?!"
"...and I suppose you next want a chicken dinner!!"
"Ever consider oatmeal?"
"I warned you kids that this could happen!"
"Eat those and I will unleash the fury of the funky chicken!"
"My lawyer will hear about this!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"They deserved better than sunny side up."
"I leave the nest for 2 minutes ..."
"Curly. Larry. Where's Moe?"
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
The "leave the nest" was one of the last three toons eliminated - with much difficulty - from the runners-up.

"I'll show you 'sunny side up' "!
"They could've been the next American Idols for all you know!!
Rupert Burton, Greensboro

1) "SICKO!!!!"
2) "Cluck, cluck, cluck!!!" ( What did you expect a chicken to say?)
3) "That's it ! Union time!"
4) "Pullet ?? Like hell you broke it."
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1. I don't care what you think, I came first.
2. How would you feel if they were your kids?
3. You men are all alike, you think you own everything.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

"Take care of them," you said!
Alan Abrams

"O.K, O.K, I'll talk."
"Us chickens just watched the battle at Kruger and was wondering if you'd step outside."
"Fluffy, I mean, your bacon, will be ready in a minute."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"No I will not try eating more cheese, onions and green peppers."
"Not hungry? I busted my butt to make you those eggs."
"Look, I'm sorry she left you too, but I'm doing the best I can."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Joel, you had the best cumulative gags for none making the runners-up. Strong stuff though. I particularly liked the last one for some reason.

1- Shame on you! Those were meant to be used to make flu shots.
2- Not your fault, but I didn't get to fertilize those. Wasted Viagra!
Max Harless, High Point

Do you know what I go through to produce one of those ?
How would you like it if I ate Cletus Jr.
THIS is what you do with them ?
I hope you get salmonella .
The sky might not be fallen but your teeth are about to .
When stuff like this stops then and only then will you get your wife back .
Did you even try to put them back together again ?
It's none of your business why I crossed the road, and stop trying to change the subject .
Don't you want some gravel with those .
No kethup ! Now that's just plain sick !
You do know where they've been , don't you ?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

YOU HAVE TO BE PRETTY HARD BOILED TO EAT MY TWINS SUNNY-SIDE UP
ALAN YOUNGMAN, GREENSBORO

"Well isn't THIS a fine way to start off my Mother's Day?!?!?"
"Your profile said you were a vegetarian!!"
"6 weeks of Lamaze classes and for WHAT?"
"When you had your vasectomy did I sit around eating spaghetti and meatballs?"
"How would you like to wake up tomorrow and see me eating little Bubba and Thelma Lou?"
"First the chicken dance and now this..."
"First the sheep, then the pig, and now this..."
"First the sheep, then the pig and now this...what's WRONG with you?"
"And I suppose you're going to tell me those WEREN'T your cold hands that woke me up this morning???"
"Would it kill you to have cereal every once and a while?"
"Go ahead...tell me again how you're not sleeping with my wife..."
"Could you have at LEAST waited till I left for work?!?!?"
"...and I suppose you want KFC for dinner too..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Some more classics in here, Bob

"No bacon? Wonder why?"
Frank Leonard, Lexington

"Those better be OSTRICH eggs big boy..."
"And what do you think YOU'RE doin'?"
"You better find your dog before I do buddy..."
"How come you don't eat anything that comes out of your OWN rear end?"
"Don't give me that 'They broke and I didn't want them to die in vain' excuse again..."
"I don't care WHAT the cows said about eating more chicken..."
"Uh...EXCUSE me?"
"Guess the 'Yokes On Me' this week huh?" (BaDoomBoom!)
Bob Mannary, Wherever
Why am I not surprised that both you and Joel Clark would go there with the "Yolks on you" gag?

24. Could've had a V-8!
Nancy Nelson

I’ll help you look for your children ! after BREAKFAST.!
HEY! YOU KNOW I could have MADE CHICKEN SALAD !
I GOT good news! Colonel Sanders invited YOU TO lunch!
Joe SIERNOS, Greensboro

1. Whatta ya mean, "You're a L'egg man!"?
2. "You just don't talk to me anymore. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around here!"
3. "Have you seen the twe twins lately?"
Greg Brown, Greensboro

"Hey!! This isn't what I meant when I asked if you'd mind watching my kids!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
made the top three that didn't make runner-up

OH NO!!! Not the twins!!!!
Henry Beck, Greensboro

Okay, where's the wise guy with the really cold hands!!?
Reta Beck, Greensboro

25. Eat more vegetables.
26. You said you were a vegetarian.
27. I'm madder than an old wet hen!
Nancy Nelson

"Where I come from that’s pure cannibalism!"
"First the egg nog and now this."
"I hope you choke on your fowl breakfast."
"If you need the Heimlich maneuver don’t look at me."
"What's wrong with the IHOP across the street?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
The heimlech manuver one was the last joke dropped from the runners-up.

Nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope!
M Morrow, New Orleans, LA

SNAIL MAIL
"If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake."
Robin Ivey, Greensboro

"You take one bite of those eggs and you'll never get to be "old" MacDonald.
Dave Marcone, Greensboro

"Stick a fork in my kids and I'll peck you to death."
Dave Bohannon, High Point

Please, no easy "There goes the neighborhood" jokes.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Well, for the big cartoon smackdown, Parade magazine was a no-show. You may remember that not only did they start their own cartoon with reader-submited captions, but one of their drawings of superheroes in a bar was strangely similar to one of mine. I was going to compare the entries they got with the ones you did, but Parade apparently chickened out.
Yeah, Parade, you better run! This is OUR house!
Meanwhile, enjoy this week's captions.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE:
I picked this one cause I just liked it as a gag (it made the short list)
“Oh no! She’s fallen up and can’t get down.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Honorable mention goes to Max Harless for mentioning Izaak Walton. (Google it) And Brent Wooten's mention of Luca Brazzi (Think Godfather)

BEST INSIDE JOKE:
Goes to Bob Mannary's shout out to fellow captioners Joel and Nancy:
"Hey Joel...it looks like Nancy has finally run out of one-liners..."
(with much love and tongue in cheek)

WINNER
I told him he should wait twenty minutes after eating.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

RUNNERS-UP
"I said POLO!!!"
Park Groves, Greensboro

I've never tried sushi, but I'm game if you are.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro
The strongest contender for the winner spot

"OK...we need to get our stories straight before Bobby gets home from school..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii
Hawaii, Bob? Really?
Did you have to rub it in?

He's not swimming with the fishes anymore.
Nancy Nelson

"He said he couldn't swim but I just assumed he was joking."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Several of your entries were considered for runners-up

"Whenever it's time to clean the bowl he pulls that stunt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I think I'm gonna need therapy after this."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Everybody wish CC a happy birthday! (it was Wednesday)
So, how old are you, CC?
...
CC?

THE REST
"I told him not to drink the water."
Karol Neufeld, Greensboro

1. Ich!
2. He's gone belly up.
3. He's showing off again.
4. He's just showing off.
5. I told him not to drink the water.
6. I told him not to eat so much.
7. She sure is bloated.
8. Something smells fishy.
9. She's trying to get a suntan.
10. He's not swimming with the fishes anymore.
11. I didn't know telling him I was expecting would cause this!
12. She's playing hard to get.
13. Sorry Charlie!
14. Gulp, gulp, gulp!
15. She's such a drama queen.
16. Well I told him to get out!
15. One fish, two fish, but he's not red anymore!
16. One fish, two fish, oops!
17. He said he wanted a breath of fresh air.
18. He's claustrophobic.
19. I tried to tell him he needed to see the vet about those white spots.
20. I just hope he went peacefully.
21. He should have stayed in school.
22. Don't touch!
23. The old cogger's just playing dead
26. Ever heard of the backstroke!
27. That's the backstroke!
28. They need to change our water NOW.
29. I guess he just couldn't take the news that we're both expecting.
30. Well that's one way of getting out of paying child support!
31. What's next!
32. He told me earlier that his gills were not letting him breathe!
33. Poor Charlie!
34. Do you think they'll give him a sea burial?
35. Well at least he didn't get eaten by the Cat.
36. I wonder, will he be flushed or buried?
37. How does he do that?
38. I hate it when he gives us the silent treatment.
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

That's just plain "icky."
Looks like he decided on the sewer line cruise.
When did he learn to float like that?
Just because he heard pundits repeatedly say "belly up" . . . .
It was getting cramped in here -- one down, one to go.
“He probably is … help me look for the two pennies.”
“But where did the two pennies go?”
“Pretty soon he'll be a fish out of water."
“So that's why you kept calling him a cold fish."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Is Joey practicing the backstroke for the Olympics?"
"Maybe we should call a homicide detective."
"I think the butler did it."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Doing the elementary backstroke?"
“Natural causes I hope!"
"Death stinks!"
"Scaling down is tough!"
"Roll over, PLEASE!"
"Yuk!"
"Probably waterlogged by now."
"So peaceful, like a bar of Ivory Soap!"
"This is not the tail-end of life in the fish bowl."
"Belongs to the Great Fisherman now."
"No Bowl Game for Charlie this fall!"
"Feels like the dead sea in here!"
"That's his final back flip off the rim!"
"At least he won't be complaining about the bends anymore!"
"Toodle-oo, old friend."
"What a nice float!"
"Wonder if they have pet insurance?"
"Now can you see our need for an aquarium?"
"Let's play dead. Maybe the toilet bowl is our ticket to a better life! "
"Nothing can come between us anymore!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
My favorite was the ivory soap one - kinda goofy, which I like.

“I told him that food seemed fishy.”
Nancy Stevens, Jamestown

“I'm glad we put the undertaker's number in speed dial!”
Ashley James, Greensboro

"I slid and she slipped."
"I should have never bought that surfboard."
"She went off Jenny Craig."
"She went off Weight Watchers."
"She quit Weight Watchers."
"I never even saw the shark."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

“More than the market is belly-up.”
“Marlin has those star-crossed eyes.”
“Nemo is planning his escape.”
“Never float an idea with fish.”
“He ate too much at the buffet.”
“I've got dibs on the castle.”
“He really WAS dying for a bite to eat.”
“He's cat food now.”
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
like the castle one.

1. Did you explain where floaters go??
2. Life is just one bowl to another...
3. Should we sober him up before...you know!
4. He won't be the first "fish" to try a flush and escape.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I really think Benny should get that spot on his fin looked at by a doctor..."
"I don't know Sally...something looks fishy about this whole thing if you ask me..."
"Wanda? You ok?"
"I think Wanda's had enough partying for one evening..."
"Wouldn't a tanning bed be a little safer?"
"I told you we shouldn't have had Mexican for lunch..."
"PHEW! I think that last one was the one that did it..."
"Hey Joel...it looks like Nancy has finally run out of one-liners..." (with much love and tongue in cheek)
"Now I feel bad for having him pull my fin..."
"This really won't look good on my resume..."
"Well...you swim around in your own toilet long enough something bad is bound to happen"
"You really need to show her how to put on her eye liner..."
"I hope he doesn't end up on the dollar menu..."
"Now some would look at the bowl as being half empty..."
"I told you Timmy wouldn't be able to sleep over." (a nod to the Fairly Odd Parents)
"We shouldn't have played the whirlpool game for so long..."
"OK...we need to get our stories straight before Bobby gets home from school..."
"Any chance they'd believe it was Whiskers?"
"OK...get me some seaweed and a fish hook and I'll take care of the rest..."
"OK...we just have to figure out how to get him over to the cat's dish and we're in the clear..."
"There's only one thing we can do...get me the tartar sauce..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii

I told him to stop trying to do the back stroke.
Phil Lucenti, Greensboro

"I never noticed Mary had this birthmark on her backside."
"Joe always wanted to be buried at sea."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"What can I say? He drinks like a human."
Steve Creacy

I told you the meatloaf was dry.
See, I'm not the only one who hates your cooking
I didn't think the meatloaf was that bad.
Awk-ward.
All he said was, "Hey, Mike! Watch this!"
I have skeleton's in my closet too, but this is a bit much, Janice.
That is really starting to freak me out.
Should we poke him with a stick.
Yeah, it's tragic but we're going to forget it in about 3 seconds
So that's what dead fish smells like
I told him that when we play hide and go seek, above the water is out of
bounds
I've never tried sushi, but I'm game if you are.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro

"They're after you. They're after all of us."
"One thing I can't stand, it's a dame that's drunk."
(Quotes from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and "Key Largo")
"Uh-oh.there goes our only female."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

He swam in my gas bubbles....
Is he contagious??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Oops..
Space for Rent.
Here Kitty Kitty !!
Shawn Barfield, Randleman

"Another one bites the dust."
"It's just you and me babe."
"I always heard that two's a company...."
"Carpe" diem...literally!!
Mike Tilley, Greensboro

"He's been like that all day and it's starting to freak me out."
"I don't think he's faking it this time."
"I'm pretty sure I drank after him. I hope he wasn't contagious."
"Looks like Gill is now sleeping with Luca Brazzi."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Liked the first one

Ooh! No-fly zone!
Bill White, Greensboro

Eeeewwwwww.....something sure is fishy in here!!
Patricia W., Greensboro

"I need the toilet for two reasons now."
"He has a bad case of death."
Katie Wooten, Thomasville

Is that you or me?
Alexia Goins, Greensboro

"Kitty, Kitty, nice Kitty!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Bubbles, hate to be the one to break this to you, but Grandpa is not practicing his backstroke."
"He's just a flush away from Heaven."
"Do you think it's in the water?"
"He always wanted to be buried at sea."
Nancy Sands, Stoney Creek

"I think she had some food issues."
"So, I guess it's diet or die."
"Are we one of the species that can procreate without a male?"
"That's the fifth one this month."
"The kid must be feeding us this week."
"Of course I trust you."
"Sure I trust you."
"We may have some trust issues to resolve."
"Why wouldn't I trust you?"
"Uh, of course I trust you."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Liked the kid feeding them idea

"Looks like we're gonna have another wake"
"uh Oh, do you think there's something in the water?"
"NO! I said, DON'T hold your breath"
"When I said the new Pet Cat he just flopped over"
Kaylee Tucker

"I guess three really IS a crowd!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

"Just another case of 'school' violence"
"Told ya he'd be swimmin' with the fishes"
"Oook"
"He's already broken my breath holding record by 6hours and 27seconds"
"...and then there were two"
"I guess you’re next"
"He ain't smilin' back"
"Daddy???"
"Say hey to Nemo for me"
"Not? it!"?
"I said POLO!!!"
"Doesn't he know the air will kill him?"
"He lived a long life, 8 days"
Park Groves, Greensboro

"Now what do we do with his stimulus check?"
Dorothy Meehan, Graham
"Ha, does Harry look flushed to you?" "No, but he will be."
Wayne Hollifield, Eden

"Hungry for sushi tonight?"
"See what happens when you keep telling the same old stories?"
"I wonder where she left her will."
"I hope she's just sleeping in!"
"I told her to do a belly-flop, not go belly-up!"
"Teenagers...how do you know when they're just sleeping in?"
"Why do they call us both David and ask who's going to be floated out next week?"
"I can see the autopsy report now. Cause of death: a confetti-sprinkling birthday boy."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I told him not to drink the water."
Heidi Huber, Sault Ste. Marie,Canada
Canada? Wow! Greetings, eh!

"I thought she just pledged her undying love to Gil."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Who's next?!"
Now, I know what he meant when he said "Bottoms Up"!!
"I told him that food smelled fishy!"
"For him, the fish bowl was always half-empty"
"He has big dreams, the swimming pool, the Haw River then Lake Jordan!!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I just hate it when the kid feeds us."
"He asked for burial at sea."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Once again, the kid idea - written even better here. Made the short list.

Oops! I forgot my Bean-o!
Thomas Speaker, Charlotte

Hey, we have another floater
I told you those fad diets will kill you.
On the bright side three was a crowd.
John Lonergan, Whitsett

I told him not to EAT THAT STUFF!!
Joe Dirt, Reidsville

"What does it take to get someone to check the pH around here?"
"You know they always consider the next of kin as the first suspects."
"We sure have poor 'Net service around here."
"The inner net service is always down when you need it!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

I realize it's Friday, but fish AGAIN?
Louis Coxe, Boston
Boston? Go Red Sox!

"Hope he has fun in that big 'waterslide' in the sky."
Jonathan Fraher, Greensboro

"We'll have to quarantine this whole area."
"I think I heard him say he had the fish food last night."
"All right, you call the family and I'll start working on the slideshow."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the last one a lot

"For a guppy, he had a great two weeks."
"You know, just last week he told me he wanted to be flushed."
"I knew I shouldn't have used Windex."
"O.K Billy, you can have the toy so you can stop holding your water."
"Half empty? You're always looking on the negative side of things."
"Harold I told you not to sneak up on him."
"Premonition? Good gosh, Eugene he's a guppy."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Good ones here too. Several short-listers

"Is it true they go in 3's?"
"Is it too soon to call dibs on the castle?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Show-Off"
"What Sharky won't do for attention?"
Sandra Arnette, Graham, NC

"You don't think he drowned, do you ?!?"
"You don't suppose he drowned, do you ?!?"
"We didn't even know her name...."
"He always wanted to be buried at sea..."
"This is the third one from WalMart this week...I sure hope that Bobby gets home soon...his Dad is spending a fortune on replacement fish."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " The guard is dead ...the diver and the treasure are missing ..you put it together . "
2) " I didn't know we could drown either . "
3) " Does anyone know where Mrs. Paul was last night ? "
4) " I think I went to school with that guy . "
5) " Dibs on his stuff ! "
6) " I don't want to get involved ! "
7) " How sad. Well , let's get him to the toilet . "
8) " That done. Now we can be married ! "
9) " He said he couldn't swim but I just assumed he was joking . "
10) " We got a big problem. He wanted to be cremated ! "
11) " Don't panic !! We just need to think up some alibis !! "
12) " And he just started jogging . "
13) " Riptide !!! "
14) " It's got all the signs of a Mob hit . "
15) " I'm no detective but, I did notice that the diver and the treasure
are gone . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
You were on a roll, Joel. You easily had the most making the short list

"Maybe he's just practicing the backstroke."
"Didn't he have Chinese last night?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"It was him or me!"
Lynn Loughran aka Judy, Myrtle Beach, SC

"See...I knew that wasn't a food pellet..."
"I think it's time for an intervention..."
"OK...just act natural..."
""
"I told you he looked flushed..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii
After re-reading it, I loved the first one
Probably should have been a runner-up too. At least.

"Forensics never fully explained how the heck we're supposed to draw a chalk outline..."
Matthew Morrow

1- His favorite singer was Vince Gill.
2- He didn't get rich; he worked for scale.
3- He thought he was cute whenever he said he was from Finland.
4- His least favorite author was Izaak Walton.
5- He will be welcome in fish heaven. He's an ictheologist.
Max Harless, High Point

Think we could use him as a flotation device?
We'd better get out of here before the same thing happens to us!
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"Remember, you don't know anything."
"Where did you hide the bloody glove?"
"He said he was going to drown out his sorrows. I didn't know he meant it literally."
"He found out that the New Kids on the Block were reuniting."
"He said he felt like his life was going in circles."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
couple good ones here

"They never listen! It's so tragic a fish wannabe cries 'wolf' one time too many."
"Oh, the irony of it! His bumper sticker says, 'REAL fish don't wear life vests.' "
"I warned him I don't know how many times to stay in the shallow end for at least an hour after lunch."
"Her astrologer told her that since she was born on the cusp and that she might actually be an Aries - not necessarily a Pisces."
"Plenty of worms out there for the first time since the drought ended - and what does that
lazy bum do? Kicks back and waits for other fish to risk life and fin to feed his kids."
"A fish playing 'possum! How silly is that?"
"A 'possum in fish's clothing! Be wary. Be very wary."
Ransom Creech, Raleigh
We welcome our neighbors to the east
And the first one was very good, but you were beaten to the punch by the winner.

"I tried to tell him there was trans fats in that stuff."
Mike Pearce, Reidsville

He's so dumb.....he practices belly flops.
He just heard the Judge awarded Brittany custody of us...
He insisted he was a Blow Fish....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Whenever it's time to clean the bowl he pulls that stunt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"He's been like this ever since they took our castle."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He didn't happen to say anything about a Last Will & Testament, did he?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I guess the lack of sleep finally caught up with him."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

I've tried to get him to quit smoking .
I've seen him around the bowl but I never got to know him .
Suicide ? And he seemed to have it all .
I swear it's the truth, he was like that when I got here .
You want to knibble on him a little ?
Cramps !!
I told him he should wait twenty minutes after eating.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
Lot of good ones Darrell

Better place nothing , he's going to the toilet .
He looks so peaceful , well except for the upside down and dead part .
I didn't lay a hand on him. In fact ,I don't even have hands.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

“Oh no! She’s fallen up and can’t get down.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"He overheard the children playing go fish and keeled over."
"He just found out our owner is getting a cat."
"He saw an advertisement for a fish fry our owners are having."
Paula Hairston

"I told him not to mess with those sea monkeys."
"Well, I guess this means Libby Hill will have a new special this week."
"Lord, I commit Earl's soul into your hands...and his body to the county sewage system."
"Hi, Lynn!!!!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
Some good ones here - a couple made the short list

"Whoa . . . either that's the slowest backstroke I've ever seen or… "
Jim Hicks, Stokesdale
Nice.

"Hey, Leroy, stop playing dead."
"His momma told him not to eat and go swimming."
"You think he's faking it."
"What a time for the owner to take a three week vacation."
"Check his pockets."
"He's no Houdini."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
The second one was good, but Darrell beat you to it, and I think worded it a bit better

1. "It's tidy bowl time."
George Cornett

1. "I warned her not to quit overeater's anonymous."
2. "Wonder what those X's mean?"
Cheryl Kidd

SNAIL MAIL
"Hit his head on the diving board"
"Loan Sharks!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well."
Norma L. Kay, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

A big shout-out to Mr. Buckley's fifth-grade class! They submitted some very good entries. And imports are affecting everyone as we're getting captions from Canada now, eh. All included below.
I’m impressed by the range of topics you guys cover in your entries. References include: John Updike, Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs, NCSU, Elmer Fudd, Thomas Wolfe, hasenpfeffer and every conceivable pun involving the word "hare" Gray Amick even managed to work in a reference to the Urban Loop.

WINNER
“This weeks block party might get a little messy.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Joel's fourth win pulls him ahead of the Joel-Bob race and gets him one win away from tying CC's league-leading five wins.

RUNNERS-UP
“They seem to buy a lot of stuff from a place called ‘ACME’.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
The first runner-up ...

“Relax, they’re the movers. The new owner is a Mr. Fudd.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Did you know your ex-wife was planning to rent out her house?"
Bud Norris, Greensboro

I'd better pull that treadmill out of the closet.
Joan Lux Greensboro

So much for the witness protection program
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro

Now I'm having second thoughts about buying the straw house.
Darrell Clark , Winston-Salem

I guess Grandma moved out.
Jon Barsanti

And one more bonus runner-up because there just wasn't room for it in the print edition and I really liked it:
"I'll go over there but I'm taking uncle Zeke's foot with me."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

OOPS! FORGOT TO ADD THE REST. HERE THEY ARE
MR. BUCKLY'S CLASS
This from Mr. Buckley:

I am a teacher and when my kids saw that my caption was in the paper some of them wanted to get in on the action - so I've included their entries. They're only in fifth grade and they come up with some good ones.

Chuck, Hope your kids weren't disapointed not being included in the print version. Maybe getting credited online will help.

I love this neighborhood! Now it's time to leave.
Sarah Kahn

We're gonna die.
Christine Evangilista

You ring the doorbell first
Darian Peterson

They look really nice.
Emily Bennett

Oh great. Now we can be made into rabbit stew
Emily Bennett

The grass is gonna be really long after this
Drew Vincent

They might as well put a buffet sign in our yard
Drew Vincent

How do we live with these freaks? Jump in the hole
Christian Bennett

I told you that was a dog whistle
Freeman Slaughter

Well so much for living life easy
Daniel Meadows

Looks like they need to get out more
Cecilia Swayne

Crazy neighbors again
Ian Reichard

Well at least they don't have kids.
Well at least there will be someone for Billy to play with.
I'm going to miss the Squirrel family.
Oooh...They have a riding mower.
Well, at least they'll be better than the Leopards.
This time you have to bring the welcome basket.
At least they don't have a dog.
Well at least that Parker kid is gone.
I don't care what you say; I'm going to invite them to the holiday party.
I don't care what you say; I'm not going to invite them to the holiday party.
I wonder if they play Bunco?
I wonder if they play Bridge?
Thank goodness the Johnson place finally sold.
See the one that's watching...he's the Alpha male.
At least they're not mountain lions.
Milton! The carnivores just bought a new dining room suite!
Look on the bright side; we'll be spending more time inside.
Since we're never going outside again, I suppose you can upgrade our Netflix account.
Since we're never going outside again, I suppose you can get HBO.
Peter! Get away from the window, they're very territorial.
Peter! Don't stare, they're very territorial.
It's not polite to stare.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro
Some good ones, Chuck. A couple made the short list

THE REST
"We are not going if they invite us over for 'dinner'! "
Mark Beveridge, Summerfield

"And the realtor said their last name is "Sly."
Karen Beveridge, Summerfield

"I told you 'Fox Haven' was not our type of neighborhood!"
"There goes the neighborhood."
"Where did you say that new burrow was?"
"That's pretty sly, moving in next door."
"Remember when you opened that bill and asked 'What else could go wrong?' There's your answer."
"We have the Wolve's up the street, the Coyote's across from us, and now the Fox's next door. What a neighborhood."
Carole Eckstrom, Reidsville

l. I want you to do a criminal background check on our new neighbors.
2. Looks like we need to get us a fox hound.
3. I hope they're vegans!
4. I hope they don't plan on having US for dinner.
5. I'm warning the children not to hop over into their yard.
6. That's not a hen house!
7. I guess I won't be raiding their vegetable garden.
8. Look how she's staring at me!
9. Wonder if she'll teach me the fox trot.
10. I'm not inviting them over for dinner!
11. We need a taller fence.
12. Forget it, I'm not the welcome wagon anymore.
13. I hope they don't like rabbit stew.
14. Dog gone it!
16. They couldn't resist moving into that hen house.
17. This homeowners diversity rule is ridiculous!
17. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!
18. Those sly foxes won't be able to get thru our briar patch. 1
9. But I don't want to be Rabbit Pie.
Nancy Nelson

"As soon as those chickens moved in, I told you there would be trouble."
John W. Lunsford

You always said, Someday the wolf will be at the door.
Didn't we see those guys on the race track last week?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

"Hey,can we use that van when your through?"
Keivin Smith, Greensboro

"Let's have them over for dinner."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"Where are the kids?"
Deb Moore, Graham

"You don't suppose they might just be a family of sheep do you?"
"I told you we should have moved to Greensboro instead of Raleigh..."
"Is this some type of joke?"
"If you want to welcome them to the neighborhood then you're goin' alone!"
"Do you still have our Realtors number?"
"Being annexed into the city is now the LEAST of our problems..."
"Oh Well...Hare Today Gone Tomorrow..."
"I bet it was the Den that sold it for them..."
"Great...so much for my lawn..."
"Do you think Invisible Fence has a solution for THIS one?"
"I look forward to watching the Homeowners Association try to enforce the leash law..."
"I think the hardest part will be sleeping through all the howling at night..."
"Two Wolves and a Truck...Movers Who Scare..."
"OK Mabel...let's hear your 'Look At The Bright Side' for THIS one??"
"I THOUGHT the whole Murder/Suicide thing next door seemed a bit curious..."
"Well...I was wrong...Glenn Close as a neighbor WASN'T the scariest thing we'd ever have to deal with..."
"I don't care if it is the neighborly thing to do, we are NOT inviting them over for brunch!"
"Better make sure all the kids shots are up to date..."
"Shirley you can't be serious?" (don't let me down...)
'Ahem' Yes I AM serious. And don't call me surely.
"Have Them Over?!?!?!...Are You INSANE!?!?!?!"
"Invite them for dinner?!?!?!? ARE YOU ON CRACK?!?!?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Look, some more subprime borrowers!"
"Now this is a housing crisis!"
"Time to update the security system!"
"A fox, a dog, and a wolf as roommates...this can't be good!"
"Honey, have you met Brutus, Judas, and Benedict? They seem sooo nice."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I hope they are vegetarians."
Debbie Meehan, Saxahpaw

Honey, lets NOT have them over for dinner.
Shelly Brown-Jeffy, Greensboro

Too bad we de-clawed the cat.
Julie Clark, Greensboro

... on the plus side, less cats.
Maggie Clark, Greensboro

There goes the neighborhood.
Carol Ernst, Summerfield

"Uh Oh-time to set up a Neighborhood Watch Program"
Cathy Kennedy, Greensboro

"Hare today gone tomorrow"
Mary Pat Brittain, Summerfield

I thought Kevin Costner was our new neighbor.
They don't look like Tar Heel fans to me.
I don't see any pots or pans
I hope they are vegetarian wolves
I thought they had a new place at the Science Center
I wonder what they are packing.
I thought the chinchillas were our new neighbors.
Don't accept any dinner reservations from our new neighbors/
Time to find a new warren.
When is wolf season?
Three on two - this doesn't look good.
No Profiling - Harvey.
Where's Copperfield when you need him?
I thought they were sheep when they looked at the house.
I guess Grandma moved out.
I guess 'Red' got her price.
Talk about a Hare-raising experience.
Hare Today - Gone Tomorrow
Jon Barsanti

"Let's just hope they are vegetarians."
C. Kubic, Summerfield

So much for the witness protection program
Don't accept the dinner invitation
Ronnie Mills, Greensboro

"Let's hope they're vegans."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

"I told you, the wolves are taking over the real estate market."
Rebecca McSween, Greensboro

"I'm wondering about taking them a 'Welcome to the Neighborhood' casserole."
"They're nice. Mrs. Fox invited us to their first dinner when they get settled in."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Did you know your ex-wife was planning to rent out her house?"
Bud Norris, Greensboro

20. I can tell by those sly eyes she thinking rabbit pie.
21. Time to look for a new hutch.
22. Do you really think she looks Foxy?!!
23. Did you say, that's a foxy lady
Nancy Nelson

Their flyer reads "Lucky Rabbits Foot" sales....
Quit hiding they know rabbits multiply quickly...
Your sermon notes are on "Deliverance?"
Whats this? Population Control?
Maybe they are vegans?
The movers look well fed...
Count our kids heads when those movers leave....
Call and update ALL of our insurance policies.
They sent us a dinner invitation?
The flyer read "Missing" "Bunny The Real Estate Agent."
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Deforestation ain't no joke!"
"I told ya we shouldn't move into section ATE housing."
"And the wackiness insues."
"The neighborhood watch seems superflous suddenly."
"If they expect a house warming gift, they're crazy."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

It looks like Thomas can come home again after all...
Mike Riley, Jamestown

"I heard that it sold the very same day we hosted our family reunion."
"That's the fourth box I've seen labeled rabbit seasoning."
"You think they'd like to have us for dinner?"
"I've got a bad feeling about this."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Guess we had better learn to foxtrot!
John Updike would feel right at home here.
Ron Harris, Reidsville

"Whose sick idea was this for a joke?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Why is he staring at me?!"
"He looks hungry and he's looking at me!"
"I heard that they are vegetarians."
"He works for that conservative TV news network."
"Nice grill. Maybe they will invite us over to eat!"
"Nice grill. Maybe they will invite us over for diner!"
"Fox Movers - The Chicken Little Family. This is getting interesting!"
"Good, now someone will take care of stray pets!"
"Good, there is a playmate for Peter Jr. He needs to lose weight!"
"If they dance, we can teach them the bunny hop and we can learn the fox trot!"
"First crocs in Pearls before Swine and now fox in The Joke's On You. Are cartoons turning into the predator de jour?"
" I think a live free-range chicken would be a nice house warming gift, don't you?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

Looks like we're gonna have some three dog nights
I guess the dog days of summer are here.
I met our new neighbors. They said they wanted to have us for dinner.
Patricia W, Greensboro

"You wannna go over and lend a helping leg?
Cookie Bobko

1. This makes our adjustable rate mortgage look pretty good.
2. And you thought our adjustable rate mortgage was the worst thing that happened.
3. When did Red Riding Hood sell her home?
4. Should we be neighborly and invite them over for dinner?
5. I hope they're vegetarians.
6. I see the old Smith's place has been turned into a law firm.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville

I TOLD YOU TO BUILD A BRICK HOUSE, LIKE THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR!
Didimo Bautista, Greensboro

"Well, well. I finally found out why they remodeled the house next door to look like a dog house."
"Here's the scoop: they have twins born the same week as our quins, and their last name is Hunter."
"They look like sly foxes to me."
Rebecca Ditoto, Greensboro

"diversity".
James O. Durham, Greensboro

"I'd recognize him anywhere. He used to chase me
around when we were kids."

"Now you just stay away from that boy. I want no mixed marriages in this family."
"Honey, look. New neighbours. I MUST take them a carrot cake."
"The word is he's the new security guard down at theoffice."
"They've got to be better than the last neighbours.
They were such pigs."

"I heard they had to move from their old neighbourhood
because of an incident with the mailman."

"The realtor said the husband's with the police department. I'll feel so much safer knowing he's right next door."
Heidi Huber, Sault Ste. Marie, Canada

"Face facts--our feet are crappy."
"Get the calendar,and hope to goodness today is April 1st and those are actually the Cottontails!"
"It could be worse--it's the the Cottontails that have Welcome Wagon duties this month."
From GCFPA doc

24. Are they sheep in wolves clothing?
25. Hope they don't howl all night.
26. I smell trouble!
27. Trouble's a coming!
28. I hope they don't bay at the moon.
Nancy Nelson

I'm just a "hare afraid" of all new neighbors.
-Tom and Jane Crowder

Maybe they're "all bark and no bite."
-Tom and Jane Crowder

"Think theres a chance that they are Vegans too?"
-Tom and Jane Crowder

1. I guess we're going to have to learn the Foxtrot.
2. Do you think they're any kin to the Big Bad Wolf around the corner?
Angela Roberts, Jamestown

"I don't care what the Tortoise thinks, release the hounds!"
Jim Bober, Greensboro

"And they want to have us over soon for dinner"???
Cheryl Bober, Greensboro

Better re-think your housewarming casserole recipe -- they just don't look vegan to me.
Nothing would satisfy you but living in this Olde English Hare and Hound subdivision.
C-a-r-n-i-v-o-r-e-s!!!
What part of "carnivore" don't you understand?
Hope those big boxes contain plenty of canned dog food.
One thing's for sure -- they won't be as quiet as we are.
Guess the large den sold them on that house.
Tell the baby bunnies the puppies may be cute, but the big ones . . . .
And don't be shaking your fluffy tail at them
Lie down with dogs . . . .
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"There goes Peter Cottontail"
"And they said our foreclosure was a bad thing"
"Now can we Retire?"
"Now can we move to Florida?"
"Ask them if we can borrow their for sale sign"
"Why?"
"They're getting a hair in their cake"?
"Spit in the cake"
"They want to have us over for dinner?"
"They look nice"
"Spike their cake"
"WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? WHO? WHO?"
"@#$%"
Park Groves, Greensboro

Why did we pack our lunch when there is a buffet?
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"Well, I understand she's a homemaker, and he's a hunter of small furry animals."
Joel Dobson, Greensboro

"Relax, they’re the movers. The new owner is a Mr. Fudd."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Put plywood, nails and a hammer on your list."
"Add plywood, nails and a hammer to your list."
"This explains the crop circles."
"Aflac."
"Aflac!"
"Call the insurance company."
"Are we covered for windstorm damage?"
"Are we covered for windstorms?"
"Where's Grandma?"
"Are those boxes of dirt?"
"The wolves don't worry me--it's those boxes of dirt that worry me.
"Why are they carrying in boxes of dirt?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

1) " They always move in packs . "
2) " We will be sleeping in shifts from now on . "
3) " Hey ..he's marking his territory on our property ! "
4) " They're the reason the deer and the antelope never play anymore.”
5) " I hope they are social predators . "
6) " Good luck selling the house now . "
7) " I finally got the tortoise off my back , now this . "
8)" Why do they need so many boxes of sheep's clothing ? "
9) " Well there goes the neighborhood but if Tim Rickard asks I didn't say that . "
10) " I'm not being disrespectful, that's what the female is called . "
11) " Was that a hasenpfeffer cookbook ? "
12) " Great, I bet them howling at the moon will NEVER get old ! "
13) "I bet they are the ones that killed our fish . "
14) " Don't worry I installed an invisible fence . "
15) " This weeks block party might get a little messy . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

I doubt if there's a "Fifi" in that pack.
So far I haven't spotted any madras shorts or weejuns.
They don't even have a holiday they're halfway responsible for.
I'd better pull that treadmill out of the closet.
I caught a glimpse of a dog-eared copy of "Call of the Wild."
Education smeducation -- probably just obedience school.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I think it's time we reconsider taking those fox-trot lessons!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I've got a bad feeling about this !
I heard what they did to that family of pigs.
Singing " Hungry Like the Wolf " ........very funny.
Good electric fences make good neighbors.
They look nice. Let's invite them for dinner.
We can't just assume they're carnivorous.
Man, I hope we are on " Punk'D" right now.
So that's why Little Red Riding Hood moved out so quickly.
Now I'm having second thoughts about buying the straw house.
Let's bake a cake to welcome them to the neighborhood........Where's the arsenic ?
They are already a natural enemy but wait till they discover that we sold them a money pit .
The bright side is....... no bison in the neighborhood.
They said they wanted to have us for dinner but they couldn't stop giggling.
All of a sudden the price of gas doesn't seem that important anymore.
What did you say carnivorous means again ?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

The contract reads "Retirement Community" but greyhounds.......
Check our list! Burrows covered, dog traps set....
My horoscope reads what?...Wolves are at the door??
The ad says they are "Personal Trainers". Never lost a client !
The paper says they grow carrots and harvest rabbits...
Whats the estimate for that electric fence?
You just signed a new lease?
That notice warns we've been rezoned...
Did mole mention anything in his letter about the buyers?
Check that print..are they the Gambling Dogs?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1) "Yes genius, I do think they might be the new neighbor . "
2) "I wonder if they saw my " Wolves bite " bumper sticker ? "
3) "Now the chase starts all over again ! "
4) "He really has a chip on his shoulder since the 3rd pig showed him up . "
5) "One of us should go over and say hi...not it !!! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

This is gonna be a bad hare day.
Maybe the boxes are full of sheep's clothing.
Boy, wolves sure know how to pack.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

Think they'd be interested in a friendly game of hopscotch?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Wow! Check out the big screen TV
Did you see that Bass Boat?
They said they would like us over for Dinner.
Bernard Jarrett, Browns Summit

Don't worry. They're only helping that nice German family move in. The Hasenpfeffers.
Don't worry. My pig friends say they're all big blowhards.
Hey, Earl, I'm getting that old 'key chain' feeling again.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"I say we opt out of this week's Welcome Wagon visit."
Reta Beck, Greensboro

Your essay on predators needs graphic pictures?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Look how their gums show when they smile at us."
"Being an endangered species, they'll be lucky to survive."
"I'll go over there but I'm taking uncle Zeke's foot with me."
"Look at those pants and those shirts. They look almost like sheep's clothing."
"O.K you kids can go over but you have to promise you'll come zig-zagging back."
"But Mom, this time they really are moving in."
"Oh my gosh. I see the truck but where are the two men?"
"I thought they seemed especially fond of out weaker, sicklier ones."
"O.K, maybe he's big and bad but I ain't afraid of 'em."
"Boy I wish we had built out of brick."
"Look over there, it's Philip Rivers. I bet he helped that wolf pack." (Sorry)
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Let¹s introduce them to The Foxhounds next door.
Louis Coxe, Boston

Doggone it...
They say their woofers...
Their Athletes: Springer, Boxer, and a Dunker.
Their Rascals... A poot-le, pincher, and peeking-ese.
Their wild hounds: Fox, Wolf, and Deer.
Their earthy dogs: Air-edale, Wind Hound, Skye Terrier.
Foreigners... German Shepherd, Scottie, and Irish Setter.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

They probably won't be our neighbors long; mortgage crisis, you know.
Max Harless, High Point

"What's the going price for brick veneer?"
"We better get a price for brick veneer."
"Let's price brick veneer."
"How soon can the brick mason be here?"
"Have you noticed what white teeth they have?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Is that Tim's new script? ...the one that takes out that lame 'neighborhood' joke?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"'Two Wolves and a Truck Movers' seem to be pretty good."
"Two Wolves and a Truck' movers must be pretty good for the Cottontail family to have hired them."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Look at that sheet in your hand to see if there's any clever captions on there. I'm Blank."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I always suspected that they weren't sheep."
"Well, Honey Bunny, what say we hop into town and find some new digs?" (this must be read like Thurston Howell III )
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Hmm Country Bumpkins: Rat Terrier, Bull and Sheep Dog.
Royalty? Pharaoh, a Saint, and King Charles??
(Hound) (Bernard) (Spaniel)
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Well, Peter said he met one of them at his Grandmother's house, and he seemed quite charming."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Wow. What big arms they have.....And what big legs they have. And would you look at that. What big Eyes he has! "
"Wow. What big arms they have.....And what big legs they have. And would you look at that. What big Eyes he has! Creepy."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Hey, I think I just saw a red riding hood in that box. Hon, maybe you'll have someone to ride with!"
"Ok, let's go over it again so we have something to talk about...Gray wolf, aka timber wolf, related to common dogs, adaptable to urban areas..."
"What else does your Wikipedia sheet say besides carnivore?"
"The way I see it, as long as Ole MacDonald has that cattle farm on the other side, we're ok."
"So on your sheet, does it say they ONLY eat elk, deer, moose and caribou, or they PREFER elk, deer, moose and caribou?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " I'm sorry, you wasn't just crying wolf . "
2) " Could be worse, they could work for Parade magazine . "
3) " I knew living beside a deer crossing sign would led to trouble ."
4) " Him too !!! Is there anyone you didn't date ? "
5) " No I don't think your carrot casserole will make them friendly
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Oh no, it looks like they have a beagle."
"Now listen Alice, they don't want to hear about all of your aches and pains."
"I guess I'll go show them that door that sticks."
"Alice, stand very, very still."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"First the urban loop noise and now this."
"I finally got the Rabies Background Report on these guys."
"I'll feel much better once we run these guys through rabies123.com."
"It's your turn to take the carrot cake over to the new neighbors.".
"This letter from the Herbivore Heights Homeowners Association tries to explain it."
"You're not going to like the rabies background report results."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I told you we shouldn't have bought a house made of straw!"
"That's all this neighborhood needs: Lawyers."
"They seem to buy a lot of stuff from a place called 'ACME'."
"What are they serving at their housewarming party? Wait, let me guess.."
"I told you dressing like this for Halloween was stupid!"
"What do you say? How about taking one for the family?"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Can you believe they hired TWO WOLVES AND A TRUCK?
Diane Bishop, Greensboro

"I think we will need that escape hole in the basement."
" Call the Animal Society."
" Where is PETA when you need them."
" Don't let the kids play with the neighbors."
"Pack the bags. There goes the neighborhood."
" I just don't like the way they look."
" Hide the dog."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

Quick, get the human suits from the closet!
Mike Meehan, Graham

SNAIL MAIL
"So far, no golf clubs!"
"Look at the size of that woofer!"
Frank M Freeman, Greensboro

"I guess we should not have planted out carrots in that vacant lot"
Mary L. House, Whitsett

"Hillary, you can’t move into the White House yet"
Wanda Coble, Lexington

"Your canine has a lean and hungry look"
"I hope they’re vegetarians"
"Do you suppose they know how big our family is?"
Delores Miller, Asheboro