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Please, no easy "There goes the neighborhood" jokes.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Well, for the big cartoon smackdown, Parade magazine was a no-show. You may remember that not only did they start their own cartoon with reader-submited captions, but one of their drawings of superheroes in a bar was strangely similar to one of mine. I was going to compare the entries they got with the ones you did, but Parade apparently chickened out.
Yeah, Parade, you better run! This is OUR house!
Meanwhile, enjoy this week's captions.

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE:
I picked this one cause I just liked it as a gag (it made the short list)
“Oh no! She’s fallen up and can’t get down.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Honorable mention goes to Max Harless for mentioning Izaak Walton. (Google it) And Brent Wooten's mention of Luca Brazzi (Think Godfather)

BEST INSIDE JOKE:
Goes to Bob Mannary's shout out to fellow captioners Joel and Nancy:
"Hey Joel...it looks like Nancy has finally run out of one-liners..."
(with much love and tongue in cheek)

WINNER
I told him he should wait twenty minutes after eating.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

RUNNERS-UP
"I said POLO!!!"
Park Groves, Greensboro

I've never tried sushi, but I'm game if you are.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro
The strongest contender for the winner spot

"OK...we need to get our stories straight before Bobby gets home from school..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii
Hawaii, Bob? Really?
Did you have to rub it in?

He's not swimming with the fishes anymore.
Nancy Nelson

"He said he couldn't swim but I just assumed he was joking."
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Several of your entries were considered for runners-up

"Whenever it's time to clean the bowl he pulls that stunt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"I think I'm gonna need therapy after this."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Everybody wish CC a happy birthday! (it was Wednesday)
So, how old are you, CC?
...
CC?

THE REST
"I told him not to drink the water."
Karol Neufeld, Greensboro

1. Ich!
2. He's gone belly up.
3. He's showing off again.
4. He's just showing off.
5. I told him not to drink the water.
6. I told him not to eat so much.
7. She sure is bloated.
8. Something smells fishy.
9. She's trying to get a suntan.
10. He's not swimming with the fishes anymore.
11. I didn't know telling him I was expecting would cause this!
12. She's playing hard to get.
13. Sorry Charlie!
14. Gulp, gulp, gulp!
15. She's such a drama queen.
16. Well I told him to get out!
15. One fish, two fish, but he's not red anymore!
16. One fish, two fish, oops!
17. He said he wanted a breath of fresh air.
18. He's claustrophobic.
19. I tried to tell him he needed to see the vet about those white spots.
20. I just hope he went peacefully.
21. He should have stayed in school.
22. Don't touch!
23. The old cogger's just playing dead
26. Ever heard of the backstroke!
27. That's the backstroke!
28. They need to change our water NOW.
29. I guess he just couldn't take the news that we're both expecting.
30. Well that's one way of getting out of paying child support!
31. What's next!
32. He told me earlier that his gills were not letting him breathe!
33. Poor Charlie!
34. Do you think they'll give him a sea burial?
35. Well at least he didn't get eaten by the Cat.
36. I wonder, will he be flushed or buried?
37. How does he do that?
38. I hate it when he gives us the silent treatment.
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

That's just plain "icky."
Looks like he decided on the sewer line cruise.
When did he learn to float like that?
Just because he heard pundits repeatedly say "belly up" . . . .
It was getting cramped in here -- one down, one to go.
“He probably is … help me look for the two pennies.”
“But where did the two pennies go?”
“Pretty soon he'll be a fish out of water."
“So that's why you kept calling him a cold fish."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Is Joey practicing the backstroke for the Olympics?"
"Maybe we should call a homicide detective."
"I think the butler did it."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Doing the elementary backstroke?"
“Natural causes I hope!"
"Death stinks!"
"Scaling down is tough!"
"Roll over, PLEASE!"
"Yuk!"
"Probably waterlogged by now."
"So peaceful, like a bar of Ivory Soap!"
"This is not the tail-end of life in the fish bowl."
"Belongs to the Great Fisherman now."
"No Bowl Game for Charlie this fall!"
"Feels like the dead sea in here!"
"That's his final back flip off the rim!"
"At least he won't be complaining about the bends anymore!"
"Toodle-oo, old friend."
"What a nice float!"
"Wonder if they have pet insurance?"
"Now can you see our need for an aquarium?"
"Let's play dead. Maybe the toilet bowl is our ticket to a better life! "
"Nothing can come between us anymore!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
My favorite was the ivory soap one - kinda goofy, which I like.

“I told him that food seemed fishy.”
Nancy Stevens, Jamestown

“I'm glad we put the undertaker's number in speed dial!”
Ashley James, Greensboro

"I slid and she slipped."
"I should have never bought that surfboard."
"She went off Jenny Craig."
"She went off Weight Watchers."
"She quit Weight Watchers."
"I never even saw the shark."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

“More than the market is belly-up.”
“Marlin has those star-crossed eyes.”
“Nemo is planning his escape.”
“Never float an idea with fish.”
“He ate too much at the buffet.”
“I've got dibs on the castle.”
“He really WAS dying for a bite to eat.”
“He's cat food now.”
Jon Barsanti, Greensboro
like the castle one.

1. Did you explain where floaters go??
2. Life is just one bowl to another...
3. Should we sober him up before...you know!
4. He won't be the first "fish" to try a flush and escape.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I really think Benny should get that spot on his fin looked at by a doctor..."
"I don't know Sally...something looks fishy about this whole thing if you ask me..."
"Wanda? You ok?"
"I think Wanda's had enough partying for one evening..."
"Wouldn't a tanning bed be a little safer?"
"I told you we shouldn't have had Mexican for lunch..."
"PHEW! I think that last one was the one that did it..."
"Hey Joel...it looks like Nancy has finally run out of one-liners..." (with much love and tongue in cheek)
"Now I feel bad for having him pull my fin..."
"This really won't look good on my resume..."
"Well...you swim around in your own toilet long enough something bad is bound to happen"
"You really need to show her how to put on her eye liner..."
"I hope he doesn't end up on the dollar menu..."
"Now some would look at the bowl as being half empty..."
"I told you Timmy wouldn't be able to sleep over." (a nod to the Fairly Odd Parents)
"We shouldn't have played the whirlpool game for so long..."
"OK...we need to get our stories straight before Bobby gets home from school..."
"Any chance they'd believe it was Whiskers?"
"OK...get me some seaweed and a fish hook and I'll take care of the rest..."
"OK...we just have to figure out how to get him over to the cat's dish and we're in the clear..."
"There's only one thing we can do...get me the tartar sauce..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii

I told him to stop trying to do the back stroke.
Phil Lucenti, Greensboro

"I never noticed Mary had this birthmark on her backside."
"Joe always wanted to be buried at sea."
Rick Meehan, Graham

"What can I say? He drinks like a human."
Steve Creacy

I told you the meatloaf was dry.
See, I'm not the only one who hates your cooking
I didn't think the meatloaf was that bad.
Awk-ward.
All he said was, "Hey, Mike! Watch this!"
I have skeleton's in my closet too, but this is a bit much, Janice.
That is really starting to freak me out.
Should we poke him with a stick.
Yeah, it's tragic but we're going to forget it in about 3 seconds
So that's what dead fish smells like
I told him that when we play hide and go seek, above the water is out of
bounds
I've never tried sushi, but I'm game if you are.
Chuck Buckley, Greensboro

"They're after you. They're after all of us."
"One thing I can't stand, it's a dame that's drunk."
(Quotes from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and "Key Largo")
"Uh-oh.there goes our only female."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

He swam in my gas bubbles....
Is he contagious??
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Oops..
Space for Rent.
Here Kitty Kitty !!
Shawn Barfield, Randleman

"Another one bites the dust."
"It's just you and me babe."
"I always heard that two's a company...."
"Carpe" diem...literally!!
Mike Tilley, Greensboro

"He's been like that all day and it's starting to freak me out."
"I don't think he's faking it this time."
"I'm pretty sure I drank after him. I hope he wasn't contagious."
"Looks like Gill is now sleeping with Luca Brazzi."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Liked the first one

Ooh! No-fly zone!
Bill White, Greensboro

Eeeewwwwww.....something sure is fishy in here!!
Patricia W., Greensboro

"I need the toilet for two reasons now."
"He has a bad case of death."
Katie Wooten, Thomasville

Is that you or me?
Alexia Goins, Greensboro

"Kitty, Kitty, nice Kitty!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Bubbles, hate to be the one to break this to you, but Grandpa is not practicing his backstroke."
"He's just a flush away from Heaven."
"Do you think it's in the water?"
"He always wanted to be buried at sea."
Nancy Sands, Stoney Creek

"I think she had some food issues."
"So, I guess it's diet or die."
"Are we one of the species that can procreate without a male?"
"That's the fifth one this month."
"The kid must be feeding us this week."
"Of course I trust you."
"Sure I trust you."
"We may have some trust issues to resolve."
"Why wouldn't I trust you?"
"Uh, of course I trust you."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Liked the kid feeding them idea

"Looks like we're gonna have another wake"
"uh Oh, do you think there's something in the water?"
"NO! I said, DON'T hold your breath"
"When I said the new Pet Cat he just flopped over"
Kaylee Tucker

"I guess three really IS a crowd!
Reta Beck, Greensboro

"Just another case of 'school' violence"
"Told ya he'd be swimmin' with the fishes"
"Oook"
"He's already broken my breath holding record by 6hours and 27seconds"
"...and then there were two"
"I guess you’re next"
"He ain't smilin' back"
"Daddy???"
"Say hey to Nemo for me"
"Not? it!"?
"I said POLO!!!"
"Doesn't he know the air will kill him?"
"He lived a long life, 8 days"
Park Groves, Greensboro

"Now what do we do with his stimulus check?"
Dorothy Meehan, Graham
"Ha, does Harry look flushed to you?" "No, but he will be."
Wayne Hollifield, Eden

"Hungry for sushi tonight?"
"See what happens when you keep telling the same old stories?"
"I wonder where she left her will."
"I hope she's just sleeping in!"
"I told her to do a belly-flop, not go belly-up!"
"Teenagers...how do you know when they're just sleeping in?"
"Why do they call us both David and ask who's going to be floated out next week?"
"I can see the autopsy report now. Cause of death: a confetti-sprinkling birthday boy."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"I told him not to drink the water."
Heidi Huber, Sault Ste. Marie,Canada
Canada? Wow! Greetings, eh!

"I thought she just pledged her undying love to Gil."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Who's next?!"
Now, I know what he meant when he said "Bottoms Up"!!
"I told him that food smelled fishy!"
"For him, the fish bowl was always half-empty"
"He has big dreams, the swimming pool, the Haw River then Lake Jordan!!
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I just hate it when the kid feeds us."
"He asked for burial at sea."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Once again, the kid idea - written even better here. Made the short list.

Oops! I forgot my Bean-o!
Thomas Speaker, Charlotte

Hey, we have another floater
I told you those fad diets will kill you.
On the bright side three was a crowd.
John Lonergan, Whitsett

I told him not to EAT THAT STUFF!!
Joe Dirt, Reidsville

"What does it take to get someone to check the pH around here?"
"You know they always consider the next of kin as the first suspects."
"We sure have poor 'Net service around here."
"The inner net service is always down when you need it!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

I realize it's Friday, but fish AGAIN?
Louis Coxe, Boston
Boston? Go Red Sox!

"Hope he has fun in that big 'waterslide' in the sky."
Jonathan Fraher, Greensboro

"We'll have to quarantine this whole area."
"I think I heard him say he had the fish food last night."
"All right, you call the family and I'll start working on the slideshow."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the last one a lot

"For a guppy, he had a great two weeks."
"You know, just last week he told me he wanted to be flushed."
"I knew I shouldn't have used Windex."
"O.K Billy, you can have the toy so you can stop holding your water."
"Half empty? You're always looking on the negative side of things."
"Harold I told you not to sneak up on him."
"Premonition? Good gosh, Eugene he's a guppy."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Good ones here too. Several short-listers

"Is it true they go in 3's?"
"Is it too soon to call dibs on the castle?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Show-Off"
"What Sharky won't do for attention?"
Sandra Arnette, Graham, NC

"You don't think he drowned, do you ?!?"
"You don't suppose he drowned, do you ?!?"
"We didn't even know her name...."
"He always wanted to be buried at sea..."
"This is the third one from WalMart this week...I sure hope that Bobby gets home soon...his Dad is spending a fortune on replacement fish."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " The guard is dead ...the diver and the treasure are missing ..you put it together . "
2) " I didn't know we could drown either . "
3) " Does anyone know where Mrs. Paul was last night ? "
4) " I think I went to school with that guy . "
5) " Dibs on his stuff ! "
6) " I don't want to get involved ! "
7) " How sad. Well , let's get him to the toilet . "
8) " That done. Now we can be married ! "
9) " He said he couldn't swim but I just assumed he was joking . "
10) " We got a big problem. He wanted to be cremated ! "
11) " Don't panic !! We just need to think up some alibis !! "
12) " And he just started jogging . "
13) " Riptide !!! "
14) " It's got all the signs of a Mob hit . "
15) " I'm no detective but, I did notice that the diver and the treasure
are gone . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
You were on a roll, Joel. You easily had the most making the short list

"Maybe he's just practicing the backstroke."
"Didn't he have Chinese last night?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"It was him or me!"
Lynn Loughran aka Judy, Myrtle Beach, SC

"See...I knew that wasn't a food pellet..."
"I think it's time for an intervention..."
"OK...just act natural..."
""
"I told you he looked flushed..."
Bob Mannary, Hawaii
After re-reading it, I loved the first one
Probably should have been a runner-up too. At least.

"Forensics never fully explained how the heck we're supposed to draw a chalk outline..."
Matthew Morrow

1- His favorite singer was Vince Gill.
2- He didn't get rich; he worked for scale.
3- He thought he was cute whenever he said he was from Finland.
4- His least favorite author was Izaak Walton.
5- He will be welcome in fish heaven. He's an ictheologist.
Max Harless, High Point

Think we could use him as a flotation device?
We'd better get out of here before the same thing happens to us!
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

"Remember, you don't know anything."
"Where did you hide the bloody glove?"
"He said he was going to drown out his sorrows. I didn't know he meant it literally."
"He found out that the New Kids on the Block were reuniting."
"He said he felt like his life was going in circles."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
couple good ones here

"They never listen! It's so tragic a fish wannabe cries 'wolf' one time too many."
"Oh, the irony of it! His bumper sticker says, 'REAL fish don't wear life vests.' "
"I warned him I don't know how many times to stay in the shallow end for at least an hour after lunch."
"Her astrologer told her that since she was born on the cusp and that she might actually be an Aries - not necessarily a Pisces."
"Plenty of worms out there for the first time since the drought ended - and what does that
lazy bum do? Kicks back and waits for other fish to risk life and fin to feed his kids."
"A fish playing 'possum! How silly is that?"
"A 'possum in fish's clothing! Be wary. Be very wary."
Ransom Creech, Raleigh
We welcome our neighbors to the east
And the first one was very good, but you were beaten to the punch by the winner.

"I tried to tell him there was trans fats in that stuff."
Mike Pearce, Reidsville

He's so dumb.....he practices belly flops.
He just heard the Judge awarded Brittany custody of us...
He insisted he was a Blow Fish....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"Whenever it's time to clean the bowl he pulls that stunt."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"He's been like this ever since they took our castle."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He didn't happen to say anything about a Last Will & Testament, did he?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I guess the lack of sleep finally caught up with him."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

I've tried to get him to quit smoking .
I've seen him around the bowl but I never got to know him .
Suicide ? And he seemed to have it all .
I swear it's the truth, he was like that when I got here .
You want to knibble on him a little ?
Cramps !!
I told him he should wait twenty minutes after eating.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
Lot of good ones Darrell

Better place nothing , he's going to the toilet .
He looks so peaceful , well except for the upside down and dead part .
I didn't lay a hand on him. In fact ,I don't even have hands.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

“Oh no! She’s fallen up and can’t get down.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"He overheard the children playing go fish and keeled over."
"He just found out our owner is getting a cat."
"He saw an advertisement for a fish fry our owners are having."
Paula Hairston

"I told him not to mess with those sea monkeys."
"Well, I guess this means Libby Hill will have a new special this week."
"Lord, I commit Earl's soul into your hands...and his body to the county sewage system."
"Hi, Lynn!!!!"
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden
Some good ones here - a couple made the short list

"Whoa . . . either that's the slowest backstroke I've ever seen or… "
Jim Hicks, Stokesdale
Nice.

"Hey, Leroy, stop playing dead."
"His momma told him not to eat and go swimming."
"You think he's faking it."
"What a time for the owner to take a three week vacation."
"Check his pockets."
"He's no Houdini."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
The second one was good, but Darrell beat you to it, and I think worded it a bit better

1. "It's tidy bowl time."
George Cornett

1. "I warned her not to quit overeater's anonymous."
2. "Wonder what those X's mean?"
Cheryl Kidd

SNAIL MAIL
"Hit his head on the diving board"
"Loan Sharks!"
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well."
Norma L. Kay, Greensboro