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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

Well, Parade finally crowned their first winner in their “write your own cartoon caption” contest. You may remember, it had superheroes in a bar and resembled one we did a while back? Anyway, I was curious how the quality of their entries stacked up against yours. Well, that question was answered when our very own JOY contributor, Dennis LaJeunesse, scored a runner-up slot. This proves what I already knew, that you guys already are Major leaguers. Congrats, Dennis.
Parade Magazines contest winner and runner-ups.
http://www.parade.com/contests/cartoons/051108-winner
See your entries for a similar cartoon below.
Just scroll down to the cartoon of Iron Man and Batman in a bar.

Now, for this week's captions.
BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
Stephen Botts put the "Obscure" back into the cultural reference category with this gem of an Earnest Hemingway short story reference:
Some guy name Macomber is coming here tomorrow with his wife. Should be a real hoot, Wilson.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
Also a less erudite nod to (who else) Bob Mannary for channeling the sheep dog-Coyote Warner Bros. cartoon:
"Mornin' Sam..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
I had to Google Steven's entry. Sadly, I didn't have to Google Bob's.
That means, I don't know my Hemingway, but I do know my Saturday morning cartoons.

BEST/WORST PUN
Is that what you call your Mane course?
Joan Hunt

BEST INSIDE JOKE
I bypassed the more obvious candidates to spotlight these two, which I liked as captions and had a local flavor.

Asheboro's okay, but I still miss Africa.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

"So what part of Hamilton Lake do YOU work in?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

and, of course there's this:
"I bet you 5 bucks that this caption doesn't win this week..."
(you win)
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

WINNER
Is that the guy that put his head in your mouth?
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"What will you trade me for my zebra-nuggets?"
Kyle Jackson, Greensboro
I just liked the term "zebra nuggets."

I wish my wife would leave the Hippos alone. We eat on these things for a month.
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons
In my opinion, the first runner-up

"Here comes a guy who obviously thinks we're already full."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Wow, leftovers are so much better during tourist season!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

“I’m so sick and tired of eating the sick and tired.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Trade a zebra leg for a gnu thigh?"
Ken Layton, Carthage
(The first, and one of the better-worded, of the "trade you" gags we received)

I say, old chap, do you have any Grey Poupon?
Norman Welker, Greensboro

"Enough with the circle of life!"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX
Welcome, Texas!

THE REST
1. I see your wife has you on a vegan diet.
2. Did you take my animal crackers?
3. It's a jungle out there.
4. I'm as hungry as a bear.
5. I could eat a horse.
6. If I were on that show there wouldn't be any survivors.
7. We're the real survivors.
8. It's a dog eat dog world.
9. Why are you King of the Jungle?
10. Who made you King of the Jungle?!
11. I'll trade my animal crackers for your zebra sandwich.
12. I'm not lying, it really happened.
13. Do you think the Gators have a chance to be in a bowl game this year?
14. Are the Lions going to win the Super Bowl this year?
15. I'd like to take a bite out of that filly.
16. Do you think I have a chance with that Gazelle?
17. Do you have more Gator Aid?
18. Who does you hair?
Nancy Nelson

I'll trade you my rhino sandwich for your gazelle fillet sandwich!
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

I WOULD RATHER HAVE A SHOT OF STEROIDS.
JIM CLARK, Greensboro

"Trade a zebra leg for a gnu thigh?"
Ken Layton, Carthage,

19. Those construction workers really know to pack a lunch.
20. I'm sure glad my wife doesn't know how to cook.
21. When we finish our trap we'll have enough to feed both our families.
22. What do you think your pride will get you for Fathers Day?
23. Animal crackers again.
24. Is Tarzan really that great?
25. Those workers sure left in a hurry!
26. I can tell that you'd rather be where the deer and the antelope play.
27. That Buffalo soup sure smells good.
Nancy Nelson

"I hate it when Mom puts mayo on my zebu sandwiches."
Ken Layton, Carthage

" Nothing gnu in mine either."
Larry Gorthey

Wanna trade for a peanut and jelly sandwich?
Dorothy Meehan, Graham

28. Does you wife get your meat at Food Lion?
29. Food Lion has a special on deer meat this week.
30. I see you're having a bad hair day.
31. Sounds like bunch of croc to me.
32. My clutch wants me to take them to the beach.
33. Are you OK, I haven't heard you ROAR all day?
34. I'd like to see one of those survivors try to get out of my death roll.
35. You know, having too much pride can lead to your destruction.
36. I'm sorry, why did your pride leave you?
37. Nick Dundee and Tarzan were the only humans I know who got out of the death roll and they were just acting.
Nancy Nelson

Your family grill out much or just grab a bite?
Trade you some arm for some zebra.
Mine's fresh -- he was walking around a few hours ago.
Daggum! I told her to hold the mayo!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

I will trade you a Cajun foot for that monkey leg.
Don Rankin

"I'm just not in a seafood mood today. Want to trade?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

I see she took the Lion's Share in the divorce settlement
38. You're such a big pussy cat!
39. You're just a big pussy cat!
40. Who died?
41. I just had to open my mouth and everyone else left.
42. I feel like a fish out of water.
43. Show some pride she'll be back.
44. You're better off without her.
45. I'm dehydrated
46. Ah rur, ah rur, ah rur!
18. Who does your hair?
19. Those construction workers really know how to pack a lunch.
47. Who's your hairdresser?
48. I hate leftovers, don't you?
49. Why so sad did you get bad news in your lunchpail note?
Nancy Nelson

"I'll trade you an arm for a foot"
A.P Newnam, Reidsville

'Oh, no, not bar-be-que leg again!"
Julia Johnson, Reidsville

This entire diet business is just a croc.
I'll trade you my arm for your leg.
There's a note in mine that says eat more chicken
You always get the lion's share
Is that what you call your Mane course?
Joan Hunt, Greensboro

I have some baby gazelle and leftover wildebeast.? Wanna trade?
My wife wants me to cut back on red meat.? She keeps packing these vegan lunches.
Tim Williams, Greensboro

Yep, with food prices soaring, these OFFSPRING sandwiches are tasting better and better..........
Mike Riley, Jamestown

I'll trade you an arm for a leg.
Susan Craver, Pleasant Garden

I need to floss. Got a spare whisker?
Don't you hate lifeless food...
I prefer my food to be moving...
I wish they would bring a fresh lunch in....
I hate eyes....They stare at me when I eat them...
This hand is giving me the finger...
Finger food again.
I've got a bleeding heart...

Toes and jam.
Brain food again.
My tongue is tied.
I said, But I am cold blooded....
I miss playing with my food.
I like my toothy grin...
Your looking a bit shaggy....
Cat got your tongue?
I heard Dr. Doolittle is missing....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I'll trade you a zebra sandwich for a wildebeest sandwich."
James Pitcher, Greensboro

"My wife made me a President-Bush-Supporter sandwich today. Don't know where she found the ingrediants, that is real rare stuff!"
Jack Levin

"Wildebeest....again! Just once I wish that Turkeys would migrate through here!
Ross Windsor, Greensboro

My wife fixed me a moldy sandwich!!!
Shelia Gregson, Julian

"I cannot wait until tourist season starts"
"I heard it tastes like chicken"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"We gotta eat fast. The safari bus comes by in ten minutes."
"Hurry! The safari bus comes by in ten minutes."
"Great place! We can stash our stuff behind the log if we see any safari buses."
"We can stash our stuff behind the log if we see any safari buses."
"Let's practice our growls after lunch."
"Let's work on our growls after lunch."
"It's my turn to win the safari fight this afternoon.”
"We're going to get fired if you keep licking the safari tourists' fingers.
"We're going to get fired if you nibble on one more safari tourist."
"It's your turn to charge the safari bus."
"Our union is requesting a reduction in the number of late-evening safari buses."
"I'm asking for a raise--they added three safari tours to my schedule.
"Now it's up to ten safari tours a day. I've had it.I'm going on strike!"
"I'm getting tired of chicken."
"I just don't think they should schedule safari tours during mating season."
"The safari tours really cramp my style during mating season."
"Chicken again!"
"Trade you my shrimp salad for your wildebeest."
"Trade you my tuna salad for your wildebeest."
"It tastes like chicken because it is chicken."
'We're going to get fired if you keep licking the safari guests' faces."
"Trade my shrimp salad for your wildebeest."
"First rule: Do not eat the safari guests."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

How many Weight Watcher points are in a gazelle sandwich?
Cassandra Alderin

"For once, I'd like to have the lion's share.'
Gilbert Howell, Greensboro

"Lion again!"
"Is that my son?"
"That line was a zoo"
"Got any napkins?"
"That's my spot"
"Fish again!"
"Wow is that steak?"
"Welcome to the Jungle, My names Al."
Groves Park, Greensboro
(Liked the second one. very dark)

"Trade you a hand biscuit for a foot long."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

Wanna trade? I got Peanut Butter & Jelly again.
Wanna trade? I got Zebra again.
So how's the wives & kids?
What do you think about the Lakers collapse last night in game 4?
Asheboro's okay, but I still miss Africa.
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

I wish my wife would leave the Hippos alone. We eat on these things for a month.
Oh great, Hippo left overs again.
Trade you an antelope leg for a zebra breast.
I wish my wife would quit hunting bulk, I have elephant again.
Jodi Hepler, Clemmons

* "Did you bring any floss? I forgot mine.
* "Working a double shift again? I guess the lion won't sleep tonight!"
* "Zebra again! I have Water Buffalo. Want to trade?"
* "Salad again! Keep losing weight and you'll be dethroned!"
* "It's sad your cubs have no pride in the pride"
* "My cousin in the Asheboro Zoo says days are boring but the food is great!"
* "Want to trade? This Hipo gives me gas!"
* "This is relaxing. When is our next Jungle Land show?"
* "I was telling the wife, "Monkey meat makes me mellow!"
* "This law of the jungle stuff is a grind."
* "I hear the the elephant is an endangered species. How can anything that big be endangered?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

51. That Peugeot lion is the spitting image of you.
52. Lion King was a good movie,don't you think?
53. My clutch is chopping at the bit to see that Lion King movie.
54. What's the big deal,you really were Born Free?!
55. Right now you are acting like that cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.
Nancy Nelson

I'll trade you 2 veggieburgers for whatever you have.
David Jones, Greensboro

"Wow, leftovers are so much better during tourist season!"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

"The wife sent leftovers again! I can’t wait to go to the Golden Corral tonight!"
Leslie Council, Gibsonville

"What will you trade me for my zebra-nuggets?"
Kyle Jackson, Greensboro

“They’re called, Safari Ready to Eat - you just add water.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Dorothy, Tin man, Scarecrow? Come on now, you must have been dreaming.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"Hey, Simba, I'll trade you a willdebeest on a hoagie for a zeebra on a croissant."
Phyllis Pitcher, Greensboro

55. Cheer up, Brewster's bringing some monster crab meat.
57. Don't worry, your cubs will make good scouts
Nancy Nelson
(Thanks for the Brewster plug)

Some guy name Macomber is coming here tomorrow with his wife. Should be a real hoot, Wilson.
So, you think you have to much pride to eat crow?
Zebra: The other (black) and white meat.
Is that the guy that put his head in your mouth?
Narnia, Smarnia. I got shoes named after me.
Can we get through one lunch without the yellow brick road story?
I may not be king of the jungle, but I still have my pride.
Hey, Sam, why does that guy over there keep pointing to his boots and smiling?
He kept repeating, "So-far-i, so good!" I just had to make him into a sandwich.
That was my cousin Fred on You Tube. So, no hard feelings, right?
Leo, I need a place to stay. I made the 'croc pot' joke to the wife again.
Nice hair, Dave. You back with MGM?
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

We are the two fiercest predators on earth and every day it's peanut butter and jelly.
David Robinette

Life used to be so uncomplicated......
It's the truth...no lion!
A big "Pride".....this isn't Utah!!
Want to practice a death roll?
King of the Jungle ? Looks like the Queen put her paw down!
No "pride" working in this job?
The dermatologist says my skin scales.
Christine Keaton, Randleman
"I'm not lyin' and I'm green with envy, but my lunch pales in comparison to
yours, particularly the main course."
Curt Raygor , Summerfield

"You know I can't eat peanut butter with my weak, jaw-opening muscles."
"Yuk, that meat stills smells fresh."
"Well it's real easy to make, you just kill it, and then, well, you just eat it raw."
"Oh you'll find this down the third creek bank on the left between the impalas and the mandrills."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Wait, just last week I think I saw that one eating a tomato."
"Would you please mind not eating with your mouth closed."
"Here comes a guy who obviously thinks we're already full."
"C'mon Ralph, those hyenas laugh at everyone like that."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1- I'll trade you my dog sandwich for your zebra sandwich.
2- They keep us in different areas of the zoo, so this might be diversity training.
3- If it hadn't been for that Noah fellow, we'd never have met.
Max Harless, High Point

"Does everything taste like chicken to you?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " You wouldn't believe how mad we were when a sting ray was the one that got him . "
2) " After 10 years in a zoo, it's been tough adjusting to life on the outside . "
3) " I'm so sick and tired of eating the sick and tired . "
4) " My wife's cooking gives my stomach the death rolls . "
5) " Who died and made you king ? "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Darn meat prices! We've got Spam again!"
"Why so glum? I have leftover turtle; you have rack of wildebeest!"
"Is your lunch spotted or striped today?"
"Spots or stripes today?"
"Heavens to Betsy! You got Spam, too?"
"I can tell you're dieting when the cooler on wheels stays at home."
"Gross. You've got a hair in your food."
"Lean day, huh? Doesn't look like a full sixteen pounds of tattered flesh
today."
Kris Voy, Trinity

" Spam! Again."
"You beginning to look pretty good."
" Hey! You got any tomatoes?"
" Don't ask me to trade your antelope for mines."
"We got to stop meeting like this."
"My wife found a blond hair last night."
"How long have you been on the job?'
" I think this diversity thing has gone too fair!"
" Man, I can't use this left-handed cup."
:" I hear Spam is making a comeback. To me, it never left."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

1. You on the high protein diet too?
2. Forget these box lunches, let's check out the river buffet.
3. I swear, chicken tastes like gazelle.
4. Who died & made you king of the jungle.
5. Is that the mouse who removed your thorn?!
6. ....and then she called me cold-blooded.
7. The wife & I are ready to retire & move to Florida.
8. Those royalty checks from Disney stopped, huh?
9. Did I tell you about the time I caught Captain Hook?
10. I maybe cold-blooded, but I'm not heartless.
11. I don't know why she packs veggies, I never eat them.
12. I'm telling you, those "crocs" were my idea.
13. Anger management issues? Nah, hyper-active madula oblongata.
Joe Matthews, Greensboro
"Dang, my wife forgot my Gatorade."
"Who do you have for dessert?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I'll trade you my tuna fish sandwich for your buffalo burger.
Joe Richardson

I know I keep bragging, but CrocsT really are comfortable to wear.
You may be the king of beasts, but do you have a shoe brand named for you?
Do you still recommend Androcles for removing thorns?
Stop whining about that measly little thorn in your paw.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Looks like you got the lions share and I got a load of croc!"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

"Why don't we toss these aside and go on up to MacDonald's."
"I sure could go for a MacDonald's Happy Meal."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Would it kill my wife to include a cloth napkin & some real silverware once in awhile??"
"Can you believe she didn't even include a cloth napkin or silverware?"
"Wolfgang Puck made my lunch today."
"It's your turn to bring lunch tomorrow."
"I'll trade you my Gingerbread Man for your Sugar Babies."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"I'll trade you my Gatorade for your Animal Crackers."
"I know it's cliché, but I sure would love some Gatorade and Animal Crackers."
"I know it's cliché, but I sure would love some Gatorade."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"Do you ever get tired of antelope?"
"Do you ever feel like less than the King of the Jungle since you've become a vegetarian?"
"You've either got to tell her, or put up with the fur balls."
“What's with the long face?"
"I'm sure she'll stop making you Spam sandwiches if she knows they're giving you fur balls."
"Look, I can't keep trading with you every day. TELL her you want P, B, & J."
"It took me a long time to ask my wife, but now she puts a Ding Dong in every day."
"No, I don't think eating a Twinkie a day makes you any less of a King."
"Besides the matching lunch pails, do you think anyone suspects that we are life partners?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

Wanna trade? I can't eat this Gnu one more day!
I don't know why she packs this. She knows Gnu gives me gas.
Mike Pearce, Reidsville

"Yum, human crackers. I like to bite the heads off first."
David Downing, Greensboro

"Wanna trade?"
"What did you get?"
"Things just aren't the same since the Garanimals plant shut down last year..."
"I keep hoping that the Garanimals factory reopens soon..."
"I don't care what they say I am NOT eating SPAM!"
"So what part of Hamilton Lake do YOU work in?"
"Sorry to hear about your cousin losing his job with Siegfried & Roy Earl..."
"So what ever happened with that big Siegfried & Roy job you had out in Vegas?"
"Don't suppose you have any Antelope you'd be willing to share do you?"
"I got Jell-O..."
"Getting only a half hour for lunch is a CROC!"
"So Simba, what are you and Nala doing for New Year's Eve?"
"Mornin' Sam..."
"Want some pudding?"
"My Mom makes the BEST Antelope sandwiches..."
"Well...it beats the heck out of my last job in the sewer..."
"I bet you 5 bucks that this caption doesn't win this week..."
"...and in the next panel he's making shadow puppets on the wall!"
(A Brewster reference...? Bless you Bob.)
"I am SO ready for football season to start again..."
"What are you going as for the company costume party?"
"You wanna go out to Buffalo's for a bite instead?"
"She's got me on some type of Tuna diet because of my Cholesterol.."
"I'm having the toughest time finding someone to carpool with and I'm not sure why..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"I`ve decided to go organic."
Claire Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Enough with the circle of life!"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX

"I told her raw."
Ellen Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Geez, it stinks!"
Audrey Wilkes, Austin, TX

"She'd rather you be a teddy bear?"
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX

"When are they going to make The Alligator King?"
David Wilkes, Austin, TX
(cute)

"I don't care if you're Simba's cousin!"
Ellen Wilkes, Austin, TX

"What the h@*# is hummus?"
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX
(I liked this one)

"Neurofeedback sessions help me deal with my ticking."
Melanie Wilkes, Austin, TX

"Want to grab an antelope after work?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL“Bologna sandwiches again?”
“Trade you a fish for a zebra sandwich.”
Laura Carlton, Siler City

“Now I know why we’re becoming an endangered species.”
Brenda Shaw, Daleville, Va.

“I heard Jane is having lunch with the producer without Tarzan.”
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

“Trade you some of my Steve Irwin for a liitle of your Tarzan.”
“We’ve gone from wild life to midlife.”
“I love animal crackers”
“SAG rules … ½ hour lunch breaks on animal documentaries.”
“I dunno … I kinda miss the thrill of the kill.”
“I’m all for protecting endangered species, but this is a bit much.”
“After a week in the hot sun, it’s very tender.”
“I think the wet-nap is a nice touch.”
“The thermos amazes me … it keeps hot hot and cold cold. How does it know?”
“I hear Martha Stewart is the new warden of our preserve.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“I say, Old Chap. Do you have any Grey Poupon?”
Norman Welker, Greensboro