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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

America reclaims the caption title this week. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
We got a lot of captions about smoking, short fuses, duds and playing with matches. Needless to say, those all canceled each other out. What was left was an interesting array of thinking-outside-the-box captions that were a lot more varied than I expected considering the subject matter. There are more worthy entries below. Need more incentive to read further? How ‘bout this Bob Mannary Haiku?

ahem.

He Had Just One Chance...
A Single Moment To Shine...
He Farted Instead.

Beautiful, wasn't it?
BEST PUN
Lots to choose from, But I liked this one from snail-mailer Bill Wallace of High Point:
“Looks like Fred met his match.”

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"That was terrific Daffy, they loved you...they want more..."
"I hope he kept his papers numbered for just such an emergency..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Bob, there's not a Loony Tunes reference you can throw at me that I won't get.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
This one from last week's winner, expressing her own experience, maybe?
All I know is that she got an e-mail from some guy named Rickard ...
Heidi Huber

WINNER
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
G.H. Totten, Siler City
One of the first entries and just about everyones' favorite.

RUNNERS-UP
“Sad, he always wanted to take someone’s thumb with him.”
Joel Clark, Greensboro

“It will definitely be a closed casket service.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

Honest, you can barely notice it.
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"The last thing he said was, ‘Watch this ...’”
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Gesundheit
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

"Show-off!"
Rob Black, High Point

"He got his 15 seconds of fame."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"Ouch, there goes our act!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

“He’s in a better place now, in fact, a lot of better places.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Short career."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

(Two more that would have been added if we had the room)
"Hold on Henry, we have to wait ten minutes before we can check on you."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I assume this is standard fireworks safety protocol, but not enough of us were familiar with it.
Still, I liked the idea a lot.

"He was always a quiet neighbor; pretty much kept to himself."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

And still, plenty more good ones below.
THE REST
"So much for anger management."
"Wow. All those weeks of anger management classes....wasted."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Good one.

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
G.H. Totten, Siler City

"Dude...that blows!"
"That was terrific Daffy, they loved you...they want more..."
"The Surgeon General warned him about this..."
"I told him that he needed to quit smoking..."
"The Doctor told him to quit smoking..."
"Too much Viagra..."
"Bless You..."
"Gesundheit..."
"I'm not cleaning this up..."
"I told him not to pick at it..."
"Possible side effects included dizziness, dry mouth, nausea, constipation...ah...that must've been it..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

I told him to keep a check on that blood pressure.
He listened to "Light My Fire" one time too many.
You always said he was a hothead.
I thought you said you were gonna dump him because he was a dud.
Ginger ale and pop rocks candy just don't mix.
Don and Shari Phillips, Reidsville

"This quality control idea is kind of final!"
"I told him he should go to that anger management class!"
"I told him that smoking would kill him!"
"He really blew his top that time!"
"Mr. Monk thinks its a homicide."
"It wasn't me, I can't light a match!"
"He celebrates early and we're left with the mess."
"I thought we agreed that we all go together?"
"Showoff!"
"MMMM, that wonderful aroma of gunpowder!"
"I'm not going next, you go next."
"...the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air..."
"THAT'S what the fuse is for!"
"What? I can't hear a thing!"
"He went out with a bang!"
"That was dynamite!"
"I told him if he played around he could blow himself up."
"Yep, you're right. Those South Carolina firecrackers are louder."
"He was homesick for Tennessee."
"All the way from China and one little spark sets him off!"
Rob Black, High Point
You had a couple more make the short list

"I thought Sparklers were safe..."
"The last thing he said was, "Watch this..."
"I told him we shouldn't have Mexican for lunch..."
"I thought he was just holding his breath..."
"He was saying something about Painter Blvd, then the Urban Loop, then New 40/Old 40, I-73 then BLAM!"
"I hope he kept his papers numbered for just such an emergency..."
"Looks like we're gonna need another Timmy..."
"Always shooting your mouth off huh Earl?"
"Wow...you really CAN light a fart..."
"Another member of the Blue Flamers..."
"Uh...Bless You??"
"Well...this one is going to be tough to explain..."
"I think we're going to miss curfew..."
"See...this is why you should ALWAYS use sunscreen..."
"Mental Note...going blind is NOT the worst thing that can happen..."
"Hmmph...Mom always said we'd just go blind...this is infinately worse..."
"OJ did it..."
"Maybe if we just fold the flaps over nobody will notice???"
"Well...he was right...that WAS pretty awesome..."
"Show Off..."
"I really hate the smell of fireworks..."
"Looks like the Grasshoppers lost again..."
"I always thought Jim had had a Vasectomy..."
"See...THIS is why we shouldn't play together without adult supervision..."
"I have to admit...this IS a bit of a buzz-kill..."
"Suddenly I'm not very hungry..."
"At least we don't need a mop..."
"Can you get me the Dustbuster..."
"Duct Tape...just get me some Duct Tape...and a marker..."
"My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it"
"Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes..."
"We need a plan...Do you still have your Mr. Potato Head?"
"I told him he shouldn't try to rekindle his romance with an old flame..."
"At least nobody's rectum was involved..."
"It's worse than that...he's dead Jim."
"He just always had to have the last word..."
"Well...at least he went out with a bang..."
"Rectum? Looks like it KILLED him!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Good night folks, don’t forget to tip your waitresses …

"Ooops..."
"Check please..."
"I always said we was wrapped a little too tight..."
"I don't remember him eating that..."
"Would you look at that...Made in China..."
"Now how am I going to explain this to O.S.H.A...."
"364 days without an accident and now this..."
"Oh well...364 days without an accident is still a new factory record..."
"Back to the drawing board..."
"Mental Note: A Taser Is Not A Toy."
"Look at that...you can count the rings..."
"That was one heck of a big pimple..."
"I told him not to pick at it..."
"Show Off..."
"He could've at least said 'Excuse Me'..."
"I told him smoking would kill him one day..."
"Let's hear Phillip Morris try and dodge this one..."
"I never should've Double-Dog dared him..."
"She gets like this every month..."
"I said BUD Light..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Some good stuff here.
My favorites were the goofier ones like “check please” and “made in China”

"Well, At least he went out with a bang!!"
"This happens every 4th of July! My friends start disappearing around me!
Hey?! Where did he go?"
"My Pop used to be bigger than your Pop!"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

"I always told you "Pop" had a short fuse"
Bob Shields, Greensboro

"If we told him once, we told him a thousands times,"Don't play with matches"
?"I guess we shouldn't have called him Boomer"
"He sure did light up the room"
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

1. What a blast!
2. Rockets red flare...!
3. That's the bomb!
4. He went out with a blast!
5. Blast it!
6. I smell smoke!
7. Where's the nearest foxhole!
8. He's taking care of business.
9. I wonder if he's in the black hole.
10.It's a sign of things to come.
11. You think he's in Heaven?
12. Heaven bound!
13. This stinks!
14. Hat's off to you!
15. Where there's Smoke there's Fire.
16. Another Terrorist!
17. I prefer sparklers myself.
18. This fallout is hot!
19. It's a hot time in the old town tonight!
20. Obama isn't the only bomb around here!
21. That Dude was no Dud!
22. I have but one life to give to my country!
Nancy Nelson

"Call Homeland Security! He was a terrorist disguised as a firecracker."
"I warned him he'd blow off his fingers."
"He just couldn't wait 'til tonight's program."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"He just had a temper tantrum"
Betty Joyce, Eden
Tempur tantrums are good, too many of them though.

"Huh...Pop Rocks and Coke are a bad, bad combination..."
"Well...first he downed a Diet Pepsi and then chased it with the Mentos..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Huh. I always heard he was a dud.
Karen Burns, Greensboro

"Well, sweep up and get ready!"
"You were wrong. He wasn't a dud!"
"Well, he wasn't a dud!"
"Bring in the backup cheery bomb!"
"He wanted to be a sparkler!"
"He had a short fuse!"
"See, smoking is bad for your health!"
"Someone reset his watch and he went early. Clearly a case of crackercide!"
"Ouch, there goes our act!"
"He came from an unstable Chinese fireworks factory"
"He has gone to the Big Display in the sky"
"Collect his remains and place them in our ceremonial dumpster"
"I don't know who to notify. His parents blew up last year"
"I warned him that if he didn't control that temper, he could blow his top!"
"Playing with matches again..."
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

23. Did a terrorist do that?
24. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
25. A patriot to the end!
25. What patriotism!
26. How can I improve on that?!
27. What a fire ball!
28. What's all the oohing and aweing about?!
29. I told him not to blow his top!
30. Baby please don't light my fire!
31. A blast from the past!
32. I just had a flashback!
33. New York's skyline will never be the same!
34. Show off!
35. See you later!
36. What a way to go!
37. We have blast off!
38. Goodbye old friend.
39. The sky's the limit!
40. I'm fired up and ready to go!
41. You're next ,no you're next!
42. Boy I sure wish I was on that deserted island.
43. He's fizzling out!
44. Did I hear The Screamer?
45. Think this would inspire an artist!
Nancy Nelson

1) I told him not to play with matches!
2) Guess he was made in China?
3) I'm getting fed up with his temper tantrums!
4) And you said he was a real dud!
5) It's sad--we were planning a real blast tomorrow!
6) So much for the life of the party!
7) He couldn't wait! Our big show is tomorrow.
Bill Beerman, Greensboro
Tantrums – promising.A few others had the same idea, though.

Uncle Joe ate too many baked beans at the family picnic...
Ray Kislowski, Sr., McLeansville

Damn! We lose some of our best friends on July the 4th.
Joseph G. Lucchetti

"I told him not to work his head off on that project!"
Marcia James, Jamestown

46.That was dynomite!!
47. Dy-no-mite!
48. We'll tell them we're illegals and maybe the'll just deport us.
49. When it comes to fireworks, they don't care about polluting the air!!
Nancy Nelson

1. Why does dad blow up every time I ask him about the facts of life?
2. All I said was BOO!
Robert Atwood, Greensboro

"Looks like Richard finally laughed his head off"
Joan Hunt, Greensboro

"Was it something I Said?"
Ken Hunt, Greensboro

"He sure has a short fuse."
Ken Hunt, Greensboro

I guess it doesn't pay to have a short fuse.
Loretta Newnam, Summerfield

"Well, at least he went out with a bang!"
Jack Alford, Greensboro

He just exploded....
The Canadian's lost their colorful fire......
He died a Patriot......
He sure was a colorful character.
Independence was never so beautiful.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1. “Don’t be sad, somewhere a little universe was just created.”
2. “I tried to tell him not to get involved with a sparkler.”
3. “Somebody stop me - I feel a pun coming on.”
4. “Just ignore him, he’s always popping off about something.”
5. “I’m not surprised, he always had a short fuse.”
6. “You see, this is what happens when you play with people who play with matches.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro
Liked number two a lot.

"Well, Sparky always did have a short fuse."
"I guess you're right - when he asked for a light, I should have just ignored him"
"I told him he should stop smoking!"
Joe Weiss, Greensboro

"I can't wait until the terrible two's are over!"
"So he really is a crackhead."
"Hey, I saw him on Deal or Dud last week."
Kris Voy, Trinity
“Terrible twos” I like that.

"He was always a quiet neighbor......"
"He was always a quiet neighbor; pretty much kept to himself."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"We better scrub the mission...I think his cover's blown..."
"Nothing good ever happens after midnight..."
"All I said was 'Boo...'"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Well, Snap, it looks as if Crackle got to the party first."
"He got his 15 seconds of fame."
"There's no such thing as a 'free launch.'
"What a hot head."
"He had a short fuse, anyway."
"No More 'Pop Goes the Weasel."
"He showed his stripes."
"At least he went out with a bang."
"That's what I call a Jalepeno Popper."
"If a fireworks goes off during the day, does anybody see it?"
Jon Barsanti Jr., Greensboro

I knew that one day he'd blow his top.
Now THAT'S what you call an explosive personality.
His last words were "What warning label?"
I TOLD him to turn down that invitation to the Independence Day party.
His wife told him she wants a divorce.
Whoa! I've never seen a guy go to pieces like that!
Made in China, eh?
He was just playing with the kids, when, all of a sudden, POP goes the weasel!
All I know is that she got an e-mail from some guy named Rickard ...
Heidi Huber

"That short fuse cost him ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I said three was a crowd...then boom!
He was flamboyant to the very end.
He's just a burnt out shell of himself.
I told you she wore to much powder....
Hey Curly, Moe blew up again...
Do you think the Canadian Mounties will ask questions?
Christine Keaton, Randleman
“Too much powder.” Not bad …

" Doc said it was spontaneous combustion ! "
"At least he went out with a BANG ! "
" Told him not to play with matches ! "
" Our trio is now a duet ! "
" And it's three, two, one, BLAST ! "
" Stop singing 'Come on Baby Light My Fire, ' NOW !
" Short Fuse blew his top ! "
" Who called him a DUD ? "
" Why did you call him a DUD ? "
" You shouldn't called him a dud ! "
" He was no DUD ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

The Technic got lost in the pyro.
The Big Bang Theory is safe.
I bet he knows how Michael Jackson felt.
The Olympic Committee fired him.
JJ was about Good Times and a "Dynomite!" display.
He celebrated way into the night......sky.
Christine Keaton, Randleman
The Michael Jackson one was intriguing …

1-I'm his Pop & he's a pop!
2-Temper, temper, temper!
3-He's just a shell of his former self.
4-Some tantrum, eh?
5-He tried to take "charge." Look what it left him!
6-Meaculpa. We shouldn't have allowed him his own fuse 'til he got his license.
7-Some company must have bid awfully low to construct this dud.
Max Harless
Liked the tantrum, one. Too many others with that theme though.

He was always self conscious about his short fuse, but in the end his "premature detonation" was his downfall.
Duane Guthrie, Greensboro
Potential good gag here about the “premature detonation” I like that term. But, you tried to work in two gags (short fuse) and that always diminishes both. Simplify. How ‘bout “He suffered from premature detonataion.”

1."The last thing he said was I'm so mad I could explode".
2."He always was a real hot head".
3."He always starts celebrating the 4th too early."
4."He thought he was suppose to audition to be a firework"
5."I told him not to use that match as a toothpick."
6."He just found out his dad was only a sparkler and not dynamite."
7."All I said was firecracker, firecracker, boom boom boom."
Paula Hairston, Greensboro

1) " He's in a better place now, in fact, a lot of better places . "
2) " For us this is natural causes. "
3) " No !! I said grow up !!
4) "They're not to good at this but we could call the King and his men ."
5) " Shall I take that as a no ? "
6) " And I just bought him a hat for his birthday . "
7) " That's what happens when you hang out with candles . "
8) " He's always had a short fuse . "
9) " Wow !!! He's never hit that note before. "
10) " Fun Fourth ? ...For who ? "
11) " Gross !! I got brains in my eye . "
12) " That's gonna leave a scar . "
13) " You can say that again...well maybe not . "
14) " Sad, he always wanted to take someone's thumb with him . "
15) " When she said she'd rather die than go out with me, she wasn't bluffing . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Great stuff as usual, Joel

50. He was a good POP.
51. Pop goes the Weasel!
52. There goes the ozone!
53. We have lift off!
54. Haven't they heard of noise pollution!!
55. Bang!
56. Snap, Crackle, Pop!
57. Too much gunpowder!!
58. Glory, glory, Hallelujah! 57. He's in the Dead Zone! 58. I see star potential!
Nancy Nelson

" He really gave them a BANG for their buck ! "
" Makes you look deep inside yourself, doesn't it ! "
" Wow ! That's really spilling your guts. "
" Always said he alot of intestinal fortitude. "
" Definitely time for a gut check, I'd say. "
" Boy, was I ever mistaken, thought he was the silent type.'
" All the King's horses and all the King's men, couldn't put short fuse together again."
" Think they will charge us for disturbing the peace ? "
" Have you heard about Short Fuse, it's all over town ! "
" Guess it's time to pick up his bits and pieces
" Where's the broom ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

Do you want to go next?
Did the martians take him?
There goes his NASA career...
Ralph finally tried sending Alice to the moon.....
Love is in the air.
Ray, Boom Boom, Mancini is down........and out.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

I always told him not to play with humans
He was born with a short fuse
Well he went out with a bang
All we have left is a dirty diaper
Don Rankin, Greensboro

He went out with a bang......
It was a explosive 4th of July.
Who is next?
What was he fired up about?
What did he explode over?
Darrell Brown, Randleman

Not much left.
Hollow isnt he.
Partied till he popped.
We are a boom then nothingness.....
Shall we use him a trash can?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"I guess he wasn't such a dud after all."
David Robinette, Rockingham County

"One...Two...Thr....Two and a half."
"Earlier today, the monkey was chasing him around the mulberry bush."
"I always wondered about that nitroglycerin prescription."
"Well thank goodness he was wearing clean shorts."
"Quick, stop that kid with the sparkler."
"Hold on Henry, we have to wait ten minutes before we can check on you."
"See I told you not to run with the lighter."
"Durn fool. He stopped and dropped but he just wouldn't roll."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Some nice ones, Joel

Man, he really did have to use the restroom.
I had to do it, he know to much !
Honest, you can barely notice it .
Walk it off big guy !
He's gonna feel that in the morning .
It's worse than you thought, he owes me money .
Gesundheit ???
It's a cool trick but you can only do it once .
He should try Dapoxetine to help with that problem .
So, that's why they say not to play with matches !
I begged him to quit smoking .
He's always had a tendency to blow his top, but never like that .
His brother died the same way. Come to think of it we all die that way .
What the heck was THAT ?!!!
Make that the 2 musketeers .
That's one irritable bowel .
Darn it ! My mouth was open .
That's his imitation of Britney Spears career .
Talk about a drama queen .
All he did was sneeze .
Ohh man !! I shot Marvin in the face !!!
Nobody move till we find out what caused that .
Him fall down !! Him go BOOM !!!
Gross, you can see his insides .
I guess that's the bombs bursting in air part .
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem
A lot of good ones in here Darrell

" He blew it."
"I told him smoking would not be good for him."
"Impatience!"
" I don't like the way things are looking."
"Boy! That was an eye-opener."
" Before he blew up, he said he was from South Carolina."
" Short fuse!"
"I told him not to eat the hot chili."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville, NC

1. "Short career."
2. "I never thought Fred would go postal."
3. "No more D-List for her."
4. "We're like bees, do it once and that's it."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

All the king's horses and all the king's men . . . .
I thought it was the school's job to teach him about the dangers of . . . .
Said he didn't want to stay around for the fireworks on November 4, 5, 6, 7 . . . .
He bragged about being from "South of the Border."
One less birthday present to buy this year.
Will the insurance policy still pay off?
The neighbors seem happy that there's one less firecracker.
He was just so full of himself.
He never did get the hang of the "ssssssss" sound at the start.
I think that's called a "dud"!
I warned him about popping off at the mouth.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
I liked the “one less birthday” one.

What got him all fired up?
He was really hot-under-the-collar.
He asked if I wanted to see his pop.
He said he wanted to get ahead of the storm.
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro
Died on the 4th of July!
Cheryl Bober, Greensboro

So much for my "big bang" theory.
Jim Bober, Greensboro

1.All I said was, "calm down, don't blow your top."
2. It's a crewcut.
3. He's only three years old.
4. He had a short fuse.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

“He just had to prove he wasn’t a dud.”
“You should have never called him a dud.”
“We warned him about playing with matches.”
“His last words were ‘snap, crackle, and ...’”
“Let’s respect his request to have his remains cremated.”
“Come to think of it, she had been complaining about hot flashes lately.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Liked the hot flashes one.

59. It's the Big Bang Theory.
60. It's Big Bang Theraphy!
61. That's getting a big bank for your buck!
62. More Bang for your Buck!
Nancy Nelson

“Short fuse.”
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale

Humpty Dumpty's crew working tonight?
Christine keaton, Randleman

"What a show-off"
"Wait until I tell his Pop"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"And everyone thought that I was the stupid one"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

SNAIL MAIL
“Sorry Mom and Dad, my Vesuvius temper got the best of me”
Sam Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

“Fred’s wife said he had a short fuse.”
“Looks like Fred met his match.”
“That’s Fred all over.”
“Al-Qaeda wannabe.”
“Everybody said he was a bomb waiting to go off.”
“He’d been reading Pyrotechnics Made Easy.”
“He just asked me for a light.”
“He was playing kitchen match roulette.”
“Who’s going to tell his wife Cherry.”
“It will definitely be a closed casket service.”
“Maybe giving him a Zippo for his birthday was a bad idea.”
“I’m not sure….it was all over in a flash?”
“He forgot to stop, drop, and roll.”
“Coroner? No, call a street sweeper.”
“Judging by the blast radius, I’d guess an M-80.”
“Some dumb kid mistook him for a birthday candle.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“I tried to tell you he was a young upstart.”
Susan Sterken, Burlington

“The Surgeon General Warned him.”
“Gesundeit”
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

“I thought you told him not to play with matches.”
Sandra Callahan, Greensboro

“All I said was, I’m Pregnant!”
Sandra Callahan