News-Record.com

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

This is one of those weeks where every judge picked a different cartoon. When that happens, I am the tie-breaker. One of our criteria for picking a winner is how close the caption sticks to the subject matter. We got a lot of amusing captions (“tastes like chicken” frog licking, secretions, etc.) that didn’t really match the subject at hand: The Princess kissing the frog. Don’t get me wrong, these were funny, but off the real subject. Better still were the slightly risqué ones we got (I’m looking at you, Bob Beitzel), but decided we shouldn’t print. Fortunately, that’s why we have the blog.

WINNER
“We just met and you're already trying to change me.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
“I’m not real. You dropped acid about a ½ hour ago.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"Forget the kiss. For real fun, give me a lick."
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

"Uhm... have you tried eHarmony?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"When you said you liked my legs, I thought you meant on me!!!"
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I am the frog formerly known as "Prince"
David Holley, Greensboro

No, I don't taste like Chicken.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

The guys in the pond warned me about you.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

I've got butterflies in my stomach, but that's nothing new.
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

BEST/WORST PUN
Please help me, my car got toad.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

And runner-up …
Warts the matter?
David Downing, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Hands down, the winner is …
“Really? He actually sent in a haiku last week?”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Runner-ups:
"Hey, what are you doing with those two firecrackers?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
“Really, I’m Tim Rickard. A disgruntled reader put a spell on me.”
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
This wins simply because I had to Google it.
‘You have the wrong frog. I turn into Prince Fielder.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

And for those of us who just can’t get enough Loony Toon references …
"Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal..."Stephen Botts, Greensboro & Bob Mannary, Greensboro
I drove this one guy nuts by singing the MADISON RAG only when he was by himself.
TIM TRIBBETT
(Actually, it’s the “Michigan Rag”)

BEST CAPTION THAT GOT LOST IN A TIME-WARP
OK, for some reason lately, I’ve been getting a lot of captions that go with older cartoons. I got one a week or so ago that went with the first ever Jokes On You cartoon.
This one, I think, was meant to go with the Mars rover art two weeks ago.
Imagine that, Rover, because it fetches.
Will Brown

"MATURE" CAPTIONS
Even if I'm not a Prince, did you see the tongue ?
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

You heard it wrong, you have to sleep with me .
How do you feel about friends with benefits ?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

"How long is my tongue? What do you have in mind?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I'm not in the mood but hold on and I'll take something."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Listen girlie, a kiss no longer cuts it, now you have to...."
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

5.If a kiss doesn't work I know some other stuff we can try baby.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"I said Ribbit...not Rub It..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Seven dwarves? I should be checking you for warts!"
"Yes, my tongue is long and sticky. Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Wanna see my tadpole?"
"Trust me, you don't want to lick what I'm secreting."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

One kiss makes me a prince. Wanna see what second base gets ya?
The Jaguar

THE REST
"Well, you're no Miss Piggy."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"He doesn't even have to be a prince - just a guy with a decent job would do!
Ken Miller, Jamestown

You think THAT was a kiss?!
Bob Muir, Greensboro

Come on, Sweetie -- make my eyes bug out.
You aren't buying the "prince" story? Let's have a few beers and talk it over.
Would a few beers help you believe my "prince" story?
I own expensive real estate -- a pond in Greensboro that STILL has water!
But you eat pig lips in potted meat.
No collagen here -- they're big lips naturally.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Hello My Baby...Hello My Honey...Hello My Ragtime Gal..."
"Just one kiss and I'll turn into a handsome cartoonist..."
"I hope that's your thumb..."
"I promise...I won't stop singing when other people are around..."
"Any chance you might go to the Hoppers game with me?"
"Wanna head back to my pad for a little night cap?"
"It's not you it's me..."
“You realize that's just a Fairy Tale right?"
"Got Flies?"
"I'm pretty sure there's no way for me to keep the tongue...sorry..."
"No...not THAT Prince..."
"Sorry...I get excited when something warm touches my belly..."
"Sorry...over-active bladder..."
"Is that a wart on your finger or are you just glad to see me?"
"Smile...you're on Candid Camera..."
"Relax...all you have to do is kiss me...that's it..."
"I promise I'll still respect you in the morning..."
"OK...but no tongue this time..."
"I said Ribbit...not Rub It..."
"Let's try it with a little less tongue this time..."
"Uhm...no offense but I prefer blondes..."
"Any chance you've seen my brothers Weis and Er?"
"It works better with the top hat and cane..."
"Michigan J. Frog at your service..."
"Trust me...it's best if you just put me back down and walk away..."
"I'm not that kind of a frog..."
"I won't tell anybody if you won't..."
"Uhm...have you tried eHarmony?"
"You just expect me to put out on the first date don't you?"
"Huh...rejected by eHarmony?"
"There's always the internet..."
"No I CAN'T just turn into a pair of shoes instead..."
"Wow...I didn't really think you would go through with it..."
"Second Base?!? I don't think so honey..."
"This has GOT to be some type of Joke?"
"I'm thinking at least 200 kids...and we'll join the PTA...and a bowling league..."
"You do want kids some day don't you?"
“The Jokes On You...I'm just a frog...A plain ol' frog..."
"Sorry...that always happens when I get nervous..."
"I didn't mean to burp in your face...sorry..."
"You could at least offer to buy me dinner first..."
"You could really use a mint..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

You have to REALLY KISS me!
What no tongue?
No way evil STEPSISTER!
So, you BELIEVED in all those fairy tales?
Bob Muir, Greensboro

1. I was hoping for a blonde!
2. Kiss or No Kiss, I don't have all day!
3. Honestly, I am quite handsome.
4. Our tadpoles will be adorable.
5. We're not getting any younger, just do it!
6. I promise you won't regret it!
7. Take a chance, it won't kill you!
8. Princess or no Princess!
9. Forget it, you're not that pretty!
10. I just want to go home.
11. I'm green with envy.
12. I promise to make all your dreams come true.
13. No, it's not a sorority prank!
14. I can tell you don't believe me.
15. Ribbit!
Nancy Nelson

Listen Lady the only thing I can do is give you warts.
Mindy Brown, Siler City

16. I'm clean; I just took a dip in that pond.
17. You have killer eyes!
18. What do you mean your parents won't approve!
19. These legs are killing me.
20. I'm tired of hopping around on all fours.
21. The EPA has nothing to say about this.
22. Come on, my mom will love you!
23. Don't you want to live in a castle!
23. You'll be famous!
24. I promise you won't have to eat bugs!
25. Please, I'm tired of eating bugs!
26. No you can't get pregnant from a KISS!
Nancy Nelson

If you don't kiss me I'll . . . I'Il . . . I'll croak!
Froggie went a'courting and he did ride . . . .
Try it -- you might like it.
You can't fool me with that laced-up bodice.
I know what that laced-up bodice means -- I've read some Woodiwiss books.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Is it my breath?"
"It's not an old wives' tale."
Glenda Layton, Carthage

"If not a Handsome Prince, how about an old Oil Baron?"
"Know a good cure for warts?"
"Is that considered first or second base?"
Ken Layton, Carthage

You could kiss me, but we all know where this is going to end...divorce papers
Rachel Earnhardt, Greensboro

1) Love me? Warts and all?
2) It's my legs, right?
3) Try The Mirror on the Wall...
4) Hop. skip and....what?
5) No! I don't wanna be a Prince!
6) I'm not your toady
7) Don't you dare!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

1.I drove this one guy nuts by singing the MADISON RAG only when he was by himself.
2.A little scope wouldn't kill ya princess or not.
3.Can you keep your hand on that same spot after I change to a prince sweetie?
4.I thought you had a thing for dwarfs.
5.If a kiss doesn't work I know some other stuff we can try baby.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1. Don't you want to save my species?
2. So what harm is a little wart?
Jeff Griffith, Greensboro

I'd like a prenuptial contract...
The warts are contagious but......
My mother will live with us....
Thanks, I have a glove fetish
Sorry about the tongue....
It's just one wet kiss.
The pond is full of guys like me....
What's your net worth?
I won't kiss till we have dinner......
First dinner....then a kiss.
The guys in the pond warned me about you.
The guys warned me about you.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

27. You won't CROAK!
28. I'm not going to CROAK!
29. Kiss me and I'll turn into Brewster Rockit!
30. Just think outside the box!
31. Just because I'm green, doesn't mean I'm an alien!
32. Well you can't blame a guy for trying!
33. Yuck, you didn't turn into a frog!
34. I'd rather CROAK than kiss you!
35. Do you have any sisters?
Nancy Nelson

Want to go back to my pad?
Tim will have to kiss a few frogs to get a winner
I could go for an apple (Snow White.)
Do you know my daughter, Princess Fiona? (Shrek)
What's in your wallet? (Capital One)
Let's get hopping - Kiss Me.
Actually, I am Tar Heel, not a Deacon or a prince.
My Favorite song is "Kiss" (Prince)
You get warts from toads not frogs.
No, I don't taste like Chicken.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

You are the best wart remover.
James Durham, Greensboro

"You've got a case of mistaken identity in your hand ! "
" Jeepers, Creepers, where you get those Peepers ! "
" My heart's desire is in your hand. "
" Hi Lois. It's Clark. Need more than a telephone booth for this make-over ! "
" This is a make-or-break proposition ! "
" Love your makeup. Let's make-out ! "
" Let's Make up and Make-out ! "
" You said you'd do anything once, didn't you ? "
" Take a chance ! "
" Could you hold me in your right hand please, I'm conservative. "
' C'mon, you've got me wrapped around your little finger. "
" My friends call me Shanks. "
" Look into my eyes ! "
" We have visual contact ! "
" Your eyes so NO, but your hand says YES ! "
" Think of it as rescue breathing ! "
" I'm really good at mouth to mouth respiration ! '
“Silent type, eh ! "
" Please don't, I like being a frog ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

36. If I kiss you, are you going to turn into a warty old witch?!
37. I'm not a toad, so you can't get warts!
39. Beauty is still in the eye of the beholder!
40. Better me than a toad!
41. I am not a TOAD!
42. This is some enchanted evening.
43. Bottom line, what do you want?!
44. Kiss me and I won't make you sleep on a PEA!
Nancy Nelson

Exactly how many frogs have you kissed?
I saw you in a photo album.....
You have a frog in your throat?
I am not ready to be tied down yet....
Your time clock can wait....Mother Nature can't.
Fairy Tale? Try two lily pads down.
Honest, Lily is my pad's name.
My kingdom is a pond, pad, and bugs.
You want happily ever after.....right?
But I like communal living....
Sore throat? I understand croaks.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

46. My kiss definitely won't make you sleep for 100 years!
46. Girl, I'm not Kermit or Jeremy Fisher I'm the Frog Prince!!
47. Arlo didn't believe I was a wizard either!
48. Sorry, I'm really looking for a black chick to star in the new Disney movie with me!
Nancy Nelson

"Yes! I promise, if you kiss me, I will not turn into Bill Clinton!!"
"Okay!! Or Hillary!!"
"For the last time! NO! I don't give gas cards instead of kisses!"
Stephanie Apple, Greensboro

This is your last chance. If you don't turn into a prince, I'm turning you into an appetizer.
Sheila Magee, Browns Summit

1. After the kiss, your house or mine?
2. I'm going to need a whole new wardrobe.
3. Are you sure Prince Rainier got started this way?
4. I'm gonna miss the lilypads.. Does the castle have a pool?
5. I wonder what our kid will look like.
6. Before I agree to marry you, will we have separate checking accounts?
7. OK, baby, go ahead and plant one on me.
8. Don't you think we should have a pre-nuptial agreement?
9. Don't look at me like that, this wasn't my idea.
10. That lipstick has gotta go
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

"When you said you liked my legs, I thought you meant on me ! ! ! "
"Want to join me for a little skinny - dip ? "
" How about a little mouth - to - mouth resuscitation ? "
" Hey, Hot Lips ! How about a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation ? "
" Want to play Spin the Bottle ? "
" Birds, bees, and me ! SMACK ! "
" SMACK ! "
" Forget biology, let's play doctor ! "
" Help evolution, kiss me ! "
" Oh ! For an evolutionary kiss ! '
" Princess ! Your kiss is evolutionary ! "
" Smack for a little evolution ! "
" I'm reverse evolution ! "
" Rescue me ! I'm in reverse evoultion ! "
" I promise, a kiss much sweeter than wine ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

I am the frog formerly known as "Prince"
David Holley, Greensboro

"What do you mean, the single life ain't THAT bad!"
"You aren't exactly Miss Piggy either!"
"You ain't all that and a bag of flies either."
"Maybe the 3rd kiss will be the charm."
"I didn't say I'd be a prince after a kiss? I said I'd sing kiss BY Prince."
"No, I said I'd sing kiss BY Prince!"
"I ain't that kind of frog lady!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro, NC

49. Where's Tiana?
50. Want to go skinny dipping?
51. Hop over here and I'll give you a ride!
Nancy Nelson

1. "I do have herpes from so much kissing."
2. "I'm not a prince, I'm a Klingon." (not sure why I find that funny)
3. "Listen girlie, a kiss no longer cuts it, now you have to...."
(tickle me. shame on you!)
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. "A kiss? Girl, you must live in a fairy tale."
2. "Kiss me. You can always have the warts removed."
3. "I am Jimmy Hoffa."
4. "I'll be your Kermit if you'll be my Miss Piggy."
George Cornett, Greensboro

"I heard that one before"
"A prince will not do, I am looking for a king"
"Can we just be friends?"
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"A previous incident involving warts made Hortense a little gun shy..."
Chad Lowry,High Point

Thwibbit, thwibbit -- sorry, speaking with my mouth full.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"No, it worked, listen: Little Red Corvette, ooooh.... ooooh.. ooh."
"I tell you, this is going to work. Your mouth didn't move at all."
"The truth is, Opie and Tommy put a walkie talkie under my collar."
"Wait, stop. Is that a cold sore?"
"Before you kiss me, would you mind taking this Cosmo survey?"
"Wait, don't kiss me. I owe hundreds in back taxes."
"I think you should know that my throat sacs aren't real."
"They say I kiss like a chicken."
"So when did you have your tonsils taken out?"
"Hey, what are you doing with those two firecrackers?"
"Can we talk first for just a minute?"
"That was your bridgework?"
"Sorry about that but that darn Flomaxx is really kicking in."
"I'm not in the mood but hold on and I'll take something."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

You're supposed to think about a handsome prince, and all you can think
about is eating my legs?!
You want me to show you leg first?
"Come on, give me something."
Snow White Baby, kiss me and you will forget all those other guys!
Hally Lee Rankin, Greensboro

When you kiss me, remember I am a French Prince.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"I thought *I* was supposed to kiss *you!"*
Aaron Mansell, Greensboro

1. “We just met and you're already trying to change me.”
2. “The toads told me you’re a party girl.”
3. “Breath mint?”
4. “If I turn into a prince I’ll need your help catching bugs.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Oh well, there goes the neighborhood.
Just think of it as a Swiss army knife for the teleportation impaired.
We need to start charging for the free samples.
Imagine that, Rover, because it fetches.
Will Brown

"Feelin' Froggy?"
"The good news is you'll get warts. "
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

52. Hop on I'll give you a ride!
53. It's not like I'm asking you to wear a glass slipper!
Nancy Nelson

I have bladder control issues.So sue me!
Forest Gamble, Reidsville

"Your pad or mine?"
"I prefer blondes"
"I'll need a prenup"
"Where is your bling?"
"My legs are plastic. The last set was deep fried!"
"I can't mislead. I turn into a princess!"
"Do you have any younger sisters for my tadpoles?"
"That's right. A frog in the hand is worth two in the pond"
"If you kiss me, watch that lip sore!"
"Excuse me a sec. I have a toad in my throat"
"How long is my tongue? What do you have in mind?"
"Don't your know me? Remember that little tadpole you tried to squash?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. King? Prince? Duke? Would you believe court jester?
2. They aren't warts. They're love bumps!
3. Can we try that again? My tongue got in the way.
4. ...and if you believe that, I've got a bridge for sale!
Greg Deal, Greensboro

1. What you see is what you get!!!!!
2. No hidden agenda here!!!!!
Carol Ann LaJeunesse, Greensboro

HERE'S HOPING FOR PRINCE HARRY
Carol S. Desir

I will let you kiss me, after you move your thumb!
I would rather have a talking frog than a Prince!
What beautiful eyes you have!
Rick O'Reilly, Greensboro

"That's right baby, I'm your handsome prince"
"Froggie went a courtin' and he did ride, do da, do da"
"Who's Kermit?"
"Well, you're no Miss Piggy either!"
"I'm the youngest of 500 tadpoles, I never knew my father."
"Look into my eyes, you are getting very sleepy."
"Yes, I have fly breath, but you have to kiss me."
"Maybe a second kiss will do the trick."
"You think your parents will be surprized!"
"I'm no handsome prince because you're no princess"
"Consider the bright side, how often do you find a talking frog?"
"Handsome princes are a dime a dozen, talking frogs are rare."
"I'm taller when I stand on my hind legs."
"I'm not Jeremiah, he's a bullfrog."
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine."
"You have a lot to offer, you're just not my type."
"A handshake instead of a kiss?"
Rob Black, High Point

"Forget the kiss. For real fun, give me a lick."
"Uh, where is your thumb?"
"Yes-man, maybe. But never a toadie."
"Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal..."
"Give me a kiss. I taste like chicken."
"Your dad is Jim Smiley? Dang."
"You're better than Deet."
"Your shoulder pads or my lily pads?"
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

The frog formerly known as Prince........why is that so funny ?
No, I turned back into a pop star from the 80's .
Sorry about your hand, I got a little excited .
You heard it wrong, you have to sleep with me .
How do you feel about friends with benefits ?
Sorry, we are just not in the same place right now .
What do you mean you'd rather have a talking frog ?
Please kiss me. I'm getting really tired of eating flies .
What does no ring, no kiss supposed to mean ?
Instead of a Prince, would you settle for a hard working plumber ?
Darrell Clark, Winston-Salem

1) I know I'm no Brad Pitt, but could you find it in your heart to help me anyways ?
2) Being a Prince, I WILL have to check your bloodline .
3) That girl frog means nothing to me .
4) What if I told you I was one of the Budweiser frogs ?
5) I've got butterflies in my stomach, but that's nothing new .
6) I'm just not that into you .
7) How would you feel if I told you I have 200 kids ?
8) So, when will your mononucleosis clear up ?
9) Did you just say you teach a biology class ?
10) Even if I'm not a Prince, did you see the tongue ?
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

"Okay, okay...I'm not Prince Charming. So sue me."
"Really, I'm Tom Rickard. A disgruntled reader put a spell on me."
"Actually, I prefer a blonde."
"Just one more question.do you now or have you ever had a communicable disease?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Of course honey, I love you, but its similar to a pre-nup. It'll protect us in the event of . . .
Michele Brainerd, Greensboro

1) “ Witch nothing, Cinderella did this to me !!! “
2) “ If I have to change into a Prince then you have to do something about that nose.”
3) “ I can’t believe you fell for the Prince story, but thanks for the kiss . “
4) “ Have you looked in the mirror lately? You’re not exactly Sleeping Beauty ! “
5) “ Ha ha, taste like chicken…….never heard that one before .”
6) “ No, I’m sure I said 2 kisses .”
7) “ You think I’m crazy ? You’re the one talking to a frog .”
8) “ We’ll get to the kiss in a minute. But first, how about a breathmint ?”
9) “ Sorry about the taste. I’m not the kind of frog you lick .”
10) “ Why do you assume I’m the one who gave you the wart ? “
11) “ Would you rather marry one of the dwarfs ? “
12) “ What do you mean you have a headache ? “
13) “ Have you tried on-line dating ? “
14) “ I’m not real . You dropped acid about a ½ hour ago . “
15) “ You don’t kiss on the first date ???? “
Joel Clark, Greensboro

Try again?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

The word on the grapevine says "don't eat the apple , Cinderella"
Dave Derence, Greensboro

54. If I'm lying you can always Eat Me!
55. You are so beautiful to me!
56. Pretty is as pretty does!
57. It's my last request!
58. It's my last wish to be kissed by you!
Nancy Nelson

"Sorry, Lady. I prefer blondes."
Marcia James, Jamestown

" Just Do It ! Pleeeeease !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1) One kiss makes me a prince. Wanna see what second base gets ya?
2) Well I'd like you help lady, but I hear people can give you warts.
3) Come on, kiss me! How else are you gonna get a husband?
4) Sorry lady. I don't kiss on the first date.
5) Sheesh! Try a little less makeup next time. You won't look so desperate.
6) It's true that kissing a frog is fun when you're young and a good way to find a prince. We can also give you warts, so always use protection.
The Jaguar

1. I'm a french prince.
2. Warts the matter?
David Downing, Greensboro

" So, your prince looks different in what way?"
"Would you mind using a breath mint first?"
Reta S. Beck, Greensboro

I used mouth wash!
Please help me, my car got toad.
Kiss me and I turn into Frankenstein
Your hand is hurting my Lilly Pad
Mom says when Grandpa croaks we're going to Disney World.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"It's true. I'm a Poison Dart Frog, but we can still be friends."
"I hate to tell you this, but I'm a Poison Dart Frog. You might not want to kiss me...but is there anyone you want knocked off?
"I have good news and I have bad news. Yes, I'll turn into a Prince......Prince Charles."
Cathy Cockerham, Greensboro

"Sorry, that Prince thing is just in the Fairy Tales."
"My parent's are open minded. They won't care that you're not a frog."
"Go ahead; I know you want to try it. Pucker up."
"Go Ahead. You know you want to!"
"Could you Pleaaase get your finger out of my butt!"
"Ahhh, excuse me, but could you take your finger off my butt."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

"You DO know that I'm a girl frog don't you?"
"Unless you want a Princess on your hands, I suggest that you Don't kiss me."
"If I croak, do you know CPR?"
"Oh My...what lovely Lips you have!"
"I think I'M going to croak!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Seven dwarves? I should be checking you for warts!"
"Your pad or mine?"
"Yes, my tongue is long and sticky. Why do you keep asking me that?"
"I eat flies and my last girlfriend was literally a pig. Trust me, I'm immune to anything."
'You have the wrong frog. I turn into Prince Fielder."
"Wanna see my tadpole?"
"What's this I hear about you and A-Rod?"
"I've got bad news. I heard Prince Charming ran off to San Francisco with Bashful and Happy."
"Really? He actually sent in a haiku last week?"
"You know what they say: You better scrub yourself clean, after you've had you some green!"
"Weren't you just on Celebrity Rehab?"
"Trust me, you don't want to lick what I'm secreting."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Well, you're no Jessica Alba yourself."
"Just don't ask me to sing Purple Rain."
Diane Bishop, Greensboro

"don't ask...don't tell"
Tom DeWitt, Siler City
"I will need to see your financial statement"
Randy Vickrey, Silk Hope

"I'm afraid our differing views on dissection could be an issue."
“I pay match.com $29.95 a month for this?”
“This is the last time I answer a personal ad in Field and Stream.”
“Don’t they make Amphibian Altoids?”
“Do you think I am phibian about my transformation?”
“Care to join me in my lily pad?”
“I don’t care if it is leap year, I’m not kissing you.”
“I'll do it but if you remain a frog I'll dissect you in Biology.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Hilary! Hilary! It's me!"
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale

"Don't worry. We can move in with my parent."
"But, I love you more than flies."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

SNAIL MAIL
I’ll pass.
Martha Willis, Greensboro