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THIS WEEK'S CARTOON

cows.jpg
Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com
THIS E-MAIL LINK WORKS NOW.
(And in case you're wondering, yes, that is a leather coat.)

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S WINNER
So, whadda ya think of my selections? Agree? Disagree? Let me know what you think.
Leave a comment. Tell me your pick. Tell me why the ones I picked stink. Or, if you must, tell me how brilliant my choices are.

engrave.jpg

Ok. I became mad with power and I went too far. I’d seen funny captions added to old art before and I thought “you guys can do that.” But although you’ve shown you can make lemonade out of lemons, you can’t make lemonade out of a turkey. Unfortunately, I committed to the concept before finding suitable art and ... well, Gray’s caption just seemed to sum it up best. But to make it up to you this week, we have cows! In leather coats! You like cows don’t you?

WINNER
Looks like Tim Rickard missed his cartoon deadline this week…
Gray Amick, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"And I thought 'Brevity' stunk.
Stephen Botts , Greensboro

"With the air taken off his back spoiler, Bobo veers wildly across the track."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

And bringing up the rear is a young George Plimpton.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
We don't know why this amused us, but it did. It was the kind of off-the-wall caption that we hoped this drawing would bring in.

Never make a drunken bet with an elephant.
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

Everything was going well until the ill advised wheelie attempt.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Greensboro Bike Patrol captures escaped elephant
Jon Barsanti Jr.

"The high cost of fuel has really had an impact on NASCAR."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

BEST POEM(s)
(A Limerick)
Few remember that an elephant rode a bike,
No one recalls if he was passed by Mr. Kite;
But every kid will forever see,
Even those who had therapy,
That the creepy clown was a frightful sight.

Tom Norman, Greensboro

I love to race my bicycle
but the small seat made me squirm,
it only stands to reason,
for I am a pacyderm.

So, I got myself a new bike
and on this one, I stand up.
I just pedal with my front feet,
now I could win a golden cup.

I travel with the circus.
I'll race with anyone.
So far I've not been bested,
as I am a champion!

When the circus came to Greensboro,
I raced a man named Tim.
He was good. I pedaled hard
and barely did I beat him.

I liked him. What a good sport!
He said he liked me too.
Then he sent me a suprise picture
of us on "Jokes on You."

Yes, that Tim Rickard is a work horse.
He is my friend so new.
He not only does the Jokes thing,
but Brewster Rocket too!

Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro
"sniff" ... beautiful ... just "sniff" beautiful ...

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
We can't all be lion tamers.
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
Marsha tells me this is a line from Lawrence of Arabia

See also Stephan Botts' "Brevity" reference above.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
The best was also this week's winner. Touche, Gray.

"I wish I hadn't eaten those zebra nuggets."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
hee hee. Zebra nuggets.

THE REST
1. (Elephant)Wish this guy would get off my bumper, he's following too close.
2. (Man cyclist) Move over you old slow poke!
Nancy Nelson

" Look ~ No hands ! ! ! "
" What Aerodynamics ? "
" Hope the front-runner don't get diarrhea ! "
" Elephants can fly ! "
" Nice draft ! "
" He's using his trunk ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

"He won't listen. I told him three-wheelers were not allowed in the Tour de France."
"My time is good, but I think I need a more aerodynamic helmit."
"I'm getting 40 miles per bales of hay with this model."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I’m out here making a fool of myself for peanuts while the Ringling boys are getting rich.”
Hank Powell, Greensboro

It looks like Jon will finish second again
This is not the set of Ben Hur
Greensboro Bike Patrol captures escaped elephant
How front wheel drive cars got there start
Big Wheels in the Big Top
Before Dumbo met the Wright Brothers
Jon Barsanti Jr, Greensboro

"With only one driver left alive, Teeny finally navigates a turn."
"The mouse long dead, Teeny is finally stopped with a perfectly executed Pit maneuver."
"With the air taken off his back spoiler, Bobo veers wildly across the track."
"The mouse long dead, Teeny is finally stopped with a well executed PIT maneuver."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
All good stuff, Joel

It smells like an elephant back here
Bill Fischbach, Altamahaw

It occurred to Henry that the ex-lax he slipped Pachy the night before might have been a bad idea
Anita Fischbach, Altamahaw

And bringing up the rear is a young George Plimpton.
I still say it's rigged -- the prize is a bag of peanuts.
I guarantee that's not a sardine can on the elephant's head.
A cyclist, an elephant, and a clown -- so why is this called a hippodrome?
You can say "Dumbo" -- being "PC" is in the future.
Why NOT to take a teacher to a cycling event: "And then you take the circumferance of the wheels . . . ."
I can't see around that beast to pass.
Sonny, there's a life lesson here -- if the man just pedals harder . . . .
Where's Princess Summerfall Winterspring?
Road hog! Road hog!"
He got into the bike lane thinking it went all the way to Wal-Mart.
Newspaper account: One cyclist muttered, "I thought this bicycle lane went to Wal-Mart."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1.)When the gas crisis worsened NASCAR got a little weird
2.)How the Hadron particle accelerator really works
3.)Although blessed with an excellent memory Tiny would do his best to forget this day 4.)Trevor did his best to dodge his large opponent's strategically placed dung balls 5.)This was the last straw that finally provoked Tiny's tragic rampage.
6.)The hat is a bit much thought the elephant.
7.)Tiny hoped his centrifugal force would keep him from flying off into space
8.)It pays peanuts but the hours are great.
9.) Tragedy ensued when later Tiny hit the wall and burst into flames.
10.)Tiny hoped this would help his quest to join the Olympic cycling team
11.) When the elephant stopped short Trevor found himself performing the world’s first visual prostate exam
12.) Everything was going well until the ill advised wheelie attempt
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Several other good ones here, Tim

"Come see Dumbo! So named because he rides his bicycle behind an elephant's backside!"
GCFPAdoc, Greensboro
This was a contender

" I'll grab his tail...let him pull me.. then slingshot to win ! "
" He's got a couple legs up on me ! "
" No fair ! He's flapping his ears and pushing with his trunk ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Whoever thought an elephant should ride a bike didn't have my view."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Working as a circus clown, it was at this moment, Howard Cosell recalls, when he knew he wanted to be a sports announcer."
"Opening day ceremonies at the 1932 games in Suriname."
"The apparent winner, Binky's cycle was later disqualified after a post race inspection."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Under the auspices of an engineer, the new Goodyear bicycle radial is put to the test."
"Under the watchful eye of a disguised federal marshal, Binky quickly assimilates to the witness protection plan."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Did you say the donkey was overseas, he's supposed to be in this circus."
Rick Meehan, Graham

They need to add a passing lane, because every day the traffic seems to be getting heavier.
Janice Woods, Greensboro

1) Come on, Fat Boy! Faster!
2) Next week the training wheels come off
3) After this we'll try the trampoline...
4) Whew! I thought we were saving gas!
5) I'm calling SPCA about this!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

Evidence that doping scandals are not new to competitive cycling.
David C. Ribar, Greensboro

I come out here and pedal round and round for this stupid show everyday and what do I get? PEANUTS!!!!!!
"I'd give my right tusk to get out of this dead end job!"
Donald Howard, Greensboro

Even as he won race after race, Jumbo was concerned that he may be coming under suspicion for performance enhancing drugs.
G.A. Rilling, Madison

"I should have stayed away from that elephant grass.
"Jerry doggedly continued the race in spite of Mr. Elephant's steamy missiles."
"Behind the Gun takes on a whole new meaning in the big tent."
"Behind the Gun"
"I wish I hadn't eaten those zebra nuggets."
The Man behind the Gun takes on a whole new meaning in the big tent.
We can't all be lion tamers.
Republican Circus
The Republican's Big Tent
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"CNN will be here all night long to provide you with the latest results in the presidential race."
Obama courts the Republican vote
Bush cheers on McCain
Obama flip-flops again
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Looks like Tim Rickard missed his cartoon deadline this week.
"Even if you win this stage they won't have a yellow jersey that fits you."
"Why don't you buy some bike trunks Jumbo, they're tax free this weekend."
"Mind if I put some Pepto-Bismol in your water bottle?"
"Now I know what they mean by 'Operation Dumbo Drop.'"
"The benefits of drafting just ain't worth the fallout."
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Nice stuff, Gray

"Are we there yet?"
"I think they sent the wrong tires. I need a caution flag."
"Oh, just shut up and pedal!"
Reta Beck, Greensboro

Look at me, and my former boss said I'd never amount to anything.
I joined the circus for this?
I now have a better meaning of "downwind."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"The answer my friend is blowing in the wind. It is blowing in the
wind."
Kemp Mattocks

"Never forget... Bah! ...THIS I want to forget!"
"Eat dust... Sucker!"
"He turns down 'Ben-Hur', then he signs me up for this... My agent is a clown."
Bill Drummond, Asheboro

"Although never proven, the Russian cycling team was suspected of using
performance enhancing drugs."
"The high cost of fuel has really had an impact on NASCAR."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1.) Never make a drunken bet with an elephant.
2.) Spring Break, circa 1880
3.) Whenever Fred raced Dumbo, he always ended up losing by a nose.
4.) Lance Armstrong (pictured on right), continues to deny all steroids allegations.
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Hey Buddy, either back off or pass me!"
"Hey Buddy, either back off or pass me by!"
"I wonder if it's too late for us to enter the Tour de France?"
"Hey Bobo!!! Guess what?! Next year, you & me, Tour de France!!"
"Tim realizes that his childhood dreams of joining the Circus have finally come true."
"Tim realizes that the dreams he had while riding his tricycle, of joining the Circus, may just have peaked."
As Tim remembers when he first began to dream of joining the Circus, while he was riding his tricycle, he realizes that he may should have been more specific.
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"As John McCain rides with his friend Bobo, he thinks that maybe an Elephant would be a good to represent the Republican party."
John McCain has a flash that ELEPHANT may be just the symbol the Republican party is looking for.
"Bill frantically tries to catch up and rationalize with Bobo because he realizes an Elephant never forgets."
Since an Elephant never forgets, John pleads with Bobo to understand that it was only one night.
Marvin realizes that "3001, A Space Odyssey" looks much different than he expected.
Todd thinks to himself "I'm So glad I didn't take that job shoveling poop for Hammer, the Wonder Dog."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
The McCain one made the (very) short list

"And I thought 'Brevity' stunk.
"We can teach an elephant to ride a bike, but we can't put a man on the moon."
The first Tour de France.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

Nope, his pants are too short to be called "pedal pushers."
Think skin-tight cycling shorts will ever catch on?
"Row, row, row your boat . . . . "
It's a promotion gimmick for spandex.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1. Is that fool drafting again?
2. Dang, I coud use a caution about now.
3. Wait till they get a load of my backflip.
David Downing, Greensboro

"With a periodic squeeze on his mouse toy, the clown reassures his bet on the big guy!"
" A pedaling pachyderm, cyclist, clowns and more. This weekend!"
"Man vs. Elephant - Race of the Century"
"The cyclist suddenly can't breath. If he doesn't pass, he will pass out!"
"The cyclist is unaware of the "surprise"which will follow once he grabs that tail!"
"The cyclist posses to pass the pachyderm in pursuit of the prize"
"Frighten by the clown's mouse toy, the pachyderm surges ahead!'
"Watching the end of the race, the clown reluctantly prepares for clean up!"
"The clown has a sudden negative flashback to Friday's massive elephant parade cleanup"
"The cyclist realizes that drafting in this race has one big disadvantage!"
"The elephant realizes that the prune juice is suddenly working"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Peanut power."
" Is his tail beginning to rise?"
"I can't see a thing"
Elephant:" ow-ow."
" This is a nightmare if I don't pass him."
James E. Ferrell, Mc Leansville

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