News-Record.com

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

WINNER“He started it.”
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
"So this is why you quit breast feeding."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"I sure am glad we put that bib on him."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Maybe he'll absorb some by osmosis.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

How about calling Mike Rowe with Dirty Jobs.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

"He is going to be a great goalie!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

'The airplane didn't land and the train went of the track. What other vehicle can we try?"
Jon Barsanti Jr.

"Gesundheit."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Also - Tribb, Roanoke, Va

Honey, we can’t feed him any more; his clothes are too full
Jordan W.

BEST “CAPTION FROM WRONG CARTOON” ENTRY
Monkey ask for Jane!!

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
1. Look, it's crottled greeps, Brewster's favorite
Marcia Minsky
Mmmmmm. Crottled Greeps.

What are we going to do if your mother does become vice-president ?
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

"Sen. Palin, one last question."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
(Not exactly obscure, but definitely topical.)

"Where's John Belushi when you need him ..." (Food Fight - Animal House)
Jon Barsanti Jr

"I Swear his head turned all the way around."
"Are you sure Linda Blair wasn't the egg donor?"
Jon Barsanti Jr

1.)I realize the cuisine is not up to your usual standards but please be more cooperative little Thadeus Montclair III.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Even google couldn’t help me out on this one.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
"Open wide.It can't be worse than this cartoon."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"We need some newspaper on the floor so he won't make a mess. Grab the section with the caption in it."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro
Just glad I can provide a useful service

"Either Tim stops sneezing or we stop modeling."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

I know you loved the potatoheads but you need to eat!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Little John is soooo picky Mrs. Batchelor
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We could feed him tater tots!
Nancy Nelson

THE REST
1. Yuk!
2. You need to finish so Mommie can give us a bath!
3. Popeye, eat your spinach so you can grow up big and strong.
4. Kal-El, If you want to be a superhero you need to eat!
5. Gross!
6. If it's good enough for me, if's good enough for you.
7. It's not Kyptonite!
8. If you want a car someday, you'll eat this! 9. Now's not the time for a food fight!
10. Just one bite, I don't want to lose this bet!
11. Daddy will buy you...!
Nancy Nelson

12.Our waitress looks disgusted!
13.Son you're making me look bad!
14. Never again! 15. Happy meal, not!
16. Grow up!
17. Stop being so juvenile!
Nancy Nelson

18. Honey, you were right this is a job!
19. Gerber needs to recall this one!
20. Are we having fun yet?!
21. Would you like something else?!
22. Tell you the truth, I never liked baby food myself!
23. Last chance!
Nancy Nelson

" Open Sesame ! ! ! "
" Son ! Our family name is Manners ! "
" Let's hope he never takes up chewing tobacco ! "
" Knock..Knock... ! "
" Let's make a deal ! "
" Wonder where he gets this spitting & spatting from, Mommy ? "
" Where's our Global Positioning System ? "
" Close those eyes and open wide for big surprise ! "
" We are playing a game of Got You Last ! "
" He wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth ! "
" Sure doesn't have mommy's mouth ! "
" Let's play doctor ! Say AHHHH ! "
" This is a real hit or miss proposition ! "
" Going to be just like you dad ! "
" Quick ! Go get my JAWS movie ! "
" Father knows best ! "
" You can sure tell he's home spoon-fed ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

24. Some day you'll thank me for this!
25. So you don't like mommy's cooking!
26. Honey, we have a food critic on own hands.
27. With the cost of food going up you have got to stop being so picky!
28. It won't give you gas!
Nancy Nelson

" Can you hear those lyrics of Cat's In The Cradle ? "
" My ears are ringing Cat's In The Cradle ! "
" And the cat's in the cradle, and the silver spoon,Little Boy Blue, and the Man in the moon... "
" Who said a spoonful of sugar will help the medicine go down ? "
" I'm going be like you Dad, you know I'm going to be like you. "
" Let's hum Cat's In The Cradle ! "
" Hullabaloo, son ! "
" Jr. ! ! ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"He likes it. He just doesn't like to eat it."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Okay Junior, one last chance - - then we bring out the 'i.v.' - Junior - - Joounior!! "
Pat Vaughn, Madison

29. Just Say No!
30. Did you see that throw, we've got us a quarterback?!
Nancy Nelson

Everyones a food critic.
We are raising a Van Gogh.
Baseballs next hall of famer is.....
Do we have a food rain coat?
I told you his food lacked flavor...
How do his diapers get so full when the food is on and not in him?
Is this one of those "Precious Moments".
Gerber must not have taste testers....
This is explains the food bills....
The pediatrician said to encourage his genius?
His communications skills definitely arent lacking....
I guess supper really is "on me".
How many kids did you want?
I do not shirk my responsibilities...your feeding him supper.
Your right....spinach is a no no.
When does he start solids?
and you bought him fingerpaints?
I am not the only one making cracks about your cooking...
So this is how he gets out of left overs....
Did you just say your pregnant?
Christine Keaton, Randleman

Monkey ask for Jane!!
No name given

We found something that Mikie won't try.
Lets forget the prunes and try X-lax.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

1.)Oh well,less going in means less coming out.
2.)Maybe I should try a funnel.
3.)Hey honey,got milk?
4.)You wouln't think the little booger eater would be this picky.
5.)I put a sedative in this spoonful
6.)Maybe I shouln't have blended the liver and beets together (yuk).
Tim Tribbett

I think the first three kids may have hit it out of the park.
Eat this, it's our last pathetic attempt at feeding you
Honey, we can't feed him any more; his clothes are too full
Okay honey, it's your turn to get hit with peas.
Ready...Aim...Fire!
Jordan W.

Remind me why we don't breast feed again.
Jake R.

Okay...get the funnel.
Eddie K.

Did a tornado come through here?
Victoria R

Eat this little Bobby, it's to early to rebel.
Sydney E.

I don't think he wants it.
Damon H.

How do they expect me to eat this?
Nia B

Instead of you eating up you up-chucked
Xavier B

Uh, here comes the train
Caesar L.

26. We have a food critic on our hands!
31.Jess you have made a big mess! 32. Food fight, food fight!!
33. He's not happy it didn't come with a toy!
34. Enough already!
Nancy Nelson

Gives new meaning to eat it or wear it.
Diane Johnson, Siler City

"He started it."
"Go on.spit at me again."
"Food fight!"
"You spit, I spit."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Gesundheit."
" All we had in the fridge was some leftover chili."
"See. I'm not the only one who doesn't like your cooking."
"I think he might be full."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

You said we'd hear the pitter-patter of little feet -- all I hear is the splatter of strained beets.
He's learned a new rhyme -- "Splatter here, splatter there, splatter, splatter everywhere."
Let's switch him to stain-free foods -- grits, rice, potatoes, vanilla pudding . . . .
Joan Lux Greensboro

"It really is tough here at ground zero!"
"Really, it was just a little burp!"
"Maybe you're right, he's just not ready to feed himself!"
"Now I understand why the bath comes after the feeding!"
"I don't think he likes it."
"It looks so easy on the commercial!"
"He wants a contract like the E-Trade baby!"
"Parenting is not for cowards!"
Mom thinking, "What does this mean for the teenage years?"
"I've tried the airplane thing, but it didn't work."
"Look on the bright side, there is no food on the floor."
"He really perfers peas to chocolate pudding!"
Rob Black, High Point
Some good ones in here. Liked the Ground zero reference, but ... not for this time of year ...

OK! We've played a game of catch with your peas! Now PLEASE...... SAY Ahhh!!!
By:Logan Norman, Age:11, Greensboro

1.)I expected the food spitting but the cursing caught me by surprise.
2.)I expected the food spitting but calling me a _ _ _hole caught me by surprise.
Tim Tribbett Greensboro

This reminds me of the old joke about how Jackson Pollock got his start.
How long before the ad agency calls about that laundry detergent commercial?
We're practicing for the laundry detergent ad.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"I tried the airplane...it crashed."
"So this is why you quit breast feeding."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"I've been thinking, maybe we can afford a nanny."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Call up that show, Dirty jobs!"
"Next time, remind me to wear my hazmat suit"
"He gets his etiquette from your side of the family."
"I think he's just mocking me now!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

The Choo Choo just blew up.....
How about calling Mike Rowe with Dirty Jobs.
Dr. Spock is and idiot.....
Christine Keaton, Randleman

That fortune teller was right -- he'll be great at paintball.
Those TV home makeover shows could use some of these color combinations.
Joan Lux Greensboro

" Show Mommy, Like Father, like Son ! "
" It's a commandment son , Honor your father & mother so your days will be long ! "
" You see what happens when you let him watch too much Family Feud on TV ! "
" Com'on Son, Gotta, Hava, Needa, Wanta, Getta a little Spoonful ! "
" I know Mommy, WE ARE FAMILY ! "
" Son, you can't win. Mommy are I are a tag team ! "
" Your choice Son, spoon bottom up and your bottom up !
"Bottoms up ! One way or the other ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Gitcha, Gitcha, GOO... ! ! ! "
" Shirt was going to cleaners anyway ! "
" Son, mommy does'nt like doing extra laundry ! "
" STOP ! In the name of LOVE ! "
" FOOD FIGHT ! ! ! "
" Why is he cute and I'm a pig ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" It's Gitcha, Gitcha, Goo time alright ! ! ! "
" Mommy calls this our Gitcha, Gitcha, Goo ... time, Son ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Quick, think of something that opens wide AND swallows!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1.)Here comes the choo choo you little #&*&#*&!
2.)We need to start feeding him in the tub.
3.)I know you loved the potatoheads but you need to eat!
4.)Maybe he'll absorb some by osmosis.
5.)Starving children in India would love to have this curry chicken.
6.)We shouldn't have shown him that Belushi scene from Animal House!
7.)This caviar cost me $300 an ounce you little ingrate.
8.)I got one in when he yawned.
9.)I have no idea what little Hannibal wants for dinner!!
10.)If you eat this daddy won't shoot Big Bird.
11.)This is much better than a brain sandwich. (yeah ,I looked).
12.)The dog loves this kid.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) He doesn't like your cooking either!
2) What happened to the way you first fed him?
3) Get the tub ready--for both of us!
4) Doesn't he know I've already eaten?
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

So this is what people mean by "spittin' image."
I DID try reasoning with him.
I don't think he's a vegan.
He thinks this food isn't organic.
Joan Lux Greensboro

How would you like it cooked? Fried or broiled?
"Either Tim stops sneezing or we stop modeling."
"Even he knows this political pudding is bitter."
Steve Kindschi, Asheboro

Little John is soooo picky Mrs. Batchelor.
2.)How can such a picky baby be such a poop factory?
3.)I thought it was cute the first time he did it.
4.)You've got to eat it,you're the Gerber Baby.
5.)Take# 56,Gerber baby food commercial.
6.)Watch out!You're within the splatter zone.
7.)Wow,he's like a little food volcano.
8.)This reminds me,how are we fixed for Spray and Wash?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)It's hard enough to feed him without this waist deep fog.
2.)Please kid,she's judging my parenting skills.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Fog. hee hee.

What are we going to do if your mother does become vice-president ?
Deadpan, Winston-Salem
I liked this. Others judges didn’t pick it, though.
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

35. No applesauce for you tonight.
36. Look it's all gone!
37. I guess you're not a veggan!
38. Son, how was your day!
39. Not hungary!
40. It's Icky!
Nancy Nelson

"Where's John Belushi when you need him ..." (Food Fight - Animal House)
"Somehow I found this picture of me amusing when I was the kid."
"He doesn't like the Orange or the Yellow ... How about some applesauce."
I wondered why they made 15' foot drop clothes for kids
"Now you know why I said no carpet in the kitchen."
It's a good thing it's bath night.
'The airplane didn't land and the train went of the track. What other vehicle can we try?"
"He may be ready for solid food - I am not!"
There is more food in my hair than in his stomach
"Momma told me there would be days like this."
"I have worn him down - your turn."
Jon Barsanti Jr

"I Swear his head turned all the way around."
"Are you sure Linda Blair wasn't the egg donor?"
Jon Barsanti Jr

" When did you teach him to give me the silent treatment ? "
" Reminds me of our wedding when we caked each other's face ! "
" Call 911 and ask for Jaws of Life ! "
" Son, I'm only a dentist at work ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

41. I'm going to have to leave a big tip!
42. Honey,help! 43. The stork delivered us the wrong baby!
44. The stork needs to recall this one!
45. Maybe we could leave him on a stranded island!(Just kidding)
46. I need a Bud Lite!
47. Santa's watching!
48. Stop monkeying around!
49. This isn't funny!
50. Maybe the Wizard of Oz could help!
51. We could feed him tater tots!
Nancy Nelson

"See, honey, this is how a diet works. Keep your mouth closed."
"Isn't she a little young to be dieting?"
"She watches every little thing that goes OUT of her mouth!"
"How come when I play airplane, the trip is hijacked?"
"How come when I play choo-choo, she plays spew-spew?"
"OK, so you're still mad at Dada for the diaper-pin incident?"
"This is the Chicken Pox diet. I'm gonna write a book and make millions."
"Why don't you send a little of this out into right field?"
"Is that little devil over your right shoulder telling you to misbehave again?"
"Even when Mom's shopping, I feel like she's watching every little thing we're doing."
"Not much is going in, but I bet a lot will still come out later!"
"It's amazing how much comes out of a baby with so little going in!"
"It's the law of undiminishing returns... So little goes in, so much comes out!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Liked the “comes-out-goes-in” theme.

Oh My Gosh! Jimmy just said his first words...Food Fight!!
Pam Hart, Siler City
Good one.

"Maybe he wants a dozen donuts from Kempf's Donut Bank...'
Jon Barsanti Jr. Hillsborough

He's mad because they won't lower the drinking age.
Larry Tyrell, Stokesdale

1. Are you sure the doctor said "broccoli"?
2. I thought being grandparents was supposed to be fun.
3. Do you think I'm putting too much on the spoon?
4. So much for that "if at first you don't succeed--" foolishness.
5. This proves it--- he's not a chocolaholic.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro

"My airplane is being shot down!"
"He is going to be a great goalie!"
"The chocolate covered tofu is working!"
"Let's hose him down and start over!"
"I am putting you up for a Metal of Honor!"
"We think it tastes like crap. Apparently he agrees!"
"Next time I wear a wet suit!"
"Let's switch to a cheese burger!"
"I am losing a food fight to a 2-year old!"
"I don't get it. He eats dog food but won't touch your meatloaf!"
"What's in this stuff? We are both breaking out in rashes!"
"He knows its health food!"
"I believe we are bonding!"
"Did you still want to expand the family?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"We need some newspaper on the floor so he won't make a mess. Grab the section with the caption in it."
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

It looks like tonight is going to be bath night for both of us ...
Remind me why we started him on soft food ...
They don't make a vacuum tough enough for him ...
Maybe we should try outdoor dining with him ...
"Next Victim."
Jon Barsanti Jr

53. If you don't eat you''ll turn into stickman!
54. Who's you daddy, Brewster Rockitt?!
55. Would you rather have some zebra nuggets?!
56. Are you an alien?
Nancy Nelson

"Honey, for gosh sakes turn off that Gallagher video."
"Son, you got the apple in my eye."
"I sure am glad we put that bib on him."
"Sen. Palin, one last question."
"Honey, you better play "Cats in the Cradle again."
"I think both of us are starting to bond."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Gazunetite!
Tribb, Roanoke, Va

1. “Watch this - he has the reflexes of a ninja.”
2. “I‘m wearing him down. He was launching this stuff over the Living Room sofa a few minutes ago.”
3. “Isn’t there a minimum age requirement before you’re allowed to have an attitude?”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"Governor Palin, just one more question."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I liked the Palin references, but others didn’t

1.)I realize the cuisine is not up to your usual standards but please be more cooperative little Thadeus Montclair III.
2.)Eat this crap or you'll hurt your mother's feelings .
3.)Please eat it kid,I bought this in bulk at Costco.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro (this week was hard!)
Others would agree.

" One day you'll thank me for this."
" See, peas aren't so bad after all. "
" How come you don't eat like this for mom ?"
" I knew I should have taken that promotion."
" Rocket scientists don't eat like that."
" It's OK son, this is how they eat on the space shuttle."
" Show the new neighbor what a good eater you are."
Lee Richmond, Jamestown

1. Look, it's crottled greeps, Brewster's favorite
2. But you liked it two minutes ago!
Marcia Minsky

" You're right again dear, I'm not as good as you!
"Baby 10" "Dad 0"
Misty Johnson, Greensboro

"With all of this oatmeal, yeah I'd say we're bonding."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"I sure hope that my inner ear infection is over soon, or Bobby is going to starve!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I liked this one, but none of our other judges flagged it.

53. If you don't eat you''ll turn into stickman!
54. Who's you daddy, Brewster Rockitt?!
55. Would you rather have some zebra nuggets?!
56. Are you an alien?
Nancy Nelson

57. Yum, yum, yummy!
58. Yummy!
Nancy Nelson

"Aw, open up, it's really good."
"You're suppose to eat your food, not wear it."
"Try it, you'll like it."
"I know there's an art to this."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

Maybe he would open his mouth if this food was shaped like car keys.
Deadpan
I liked this one

"Why don't you try it with the muzzle off dear?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Better cancel our Olan Mills appointment this afternoon Wilma."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Open wide.It can't be worse than this cartoon."
Decorated Food Feeder
"Boy! I'm glad it not diaper changing time."
" Want some more."
" I give up." (on this cartoon)
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville
Hmmm… didn’t care for this one, did ya?