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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

Maybe Nancy Nelson summed it up best with this caption entry: “Tim, this stinks.” This week’s really had you guys struggling. Even with the extra time and about double the normal amount of entries didn’t help. A lot of “two heads are better that one” captions, as well as “no intelligent life” references. So I did what I always do in these situations - I go for the juvenile humor. But a lot of good inside jokes and obscure cultural references, though. See below.

WINNER
We must never pull his finger again!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

RINNERS-UP
Now let’s make him a diverse partner and leave them in an orchard.
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Think we should include him in our spay- and-neuter program?
Bill Wallace, High Point

“I hate these Out-of Network patients.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Bet he won't make travel arrangements on-line again.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"You think that might NOT be a USB port?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Just so you know, we didn't enjoy that either.
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

Yea, it's nothing much to look at, but the little built-in handle is kinda cool!
Barbara Zeller, Climax

BEST INSIDE JOKE
We will release you human but we will return in two weeks in a very similar cartoon by Dave Coverly.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We would probe that Rickard guy again but he likes it way too much!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
(who told?)

Glad we have another week to figure out what to do with him.
Joan Lux Greensboro

Should we call Mike Rowe with Dirty Jobs?? (Sorry, Christine couldn't resist)
Nancy Nelson

"Don't worry...he can just tell them he's on vacation this week."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"It's no use. He simply will not tell us the winning caption."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

" PLEASEEEEE tell us that you brought the new Tim Rickards Brewster Rockit Book....we've been waiting an aeon!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

We have no idea why we do this, but it beats working in the Brewster Rocket strips.
TRIBB, Raonoke, Va.

"He keeps mentioning a 'Dr. Mel'.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro
(Shameless Brewster plugs, welcome)

We can't probe you this week.We are on vacation!!!!!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"He is upset. He can't write his JOY blog"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I hope ALL the humans aren't like this one they call Rickard..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
He’s dead Jim.
Damon H

Let's brainwash Mr. Cruise and set him free.
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

"Marvin said that humans had long ears and cotton-tails..."
Jon Barsanti Jr

And now, from my favorite book: “To Serve Man”.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

How to serve man?Gross! I'm thinking Arbys.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
(I hear some of the recipes in there are delicious)

1.)Would the man and two robots in the front row please stop the wise cracks
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Sadly, they did.

What's my motivation for this scene Mr.Wood?
I thought you said Ed Wood was a very respected director!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
(He is! Just check out “Plan 9 from Outer Space”)

1.)Hurry up and probe him, I have tickets to the Foo Fighters
Mr. Tribbett adds: (foo fighters were the first ufos seen during WWII by fighter pilots.They were glowing balls that would play tag with their airplanes ,hundreds of pilots saw them,Saw it on history channel and googled it)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth shattering kaboom?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Our mission is called Plan 10.
Our cousin Marvin suggested this place.
We are from France.
Mars needs women,but no fat chicks please.
We must cure Agent Mulder of his sex addiction
Maybe the Earth stood still but his bowels sure didn't
(And now for some “Rocky Horror picture show references …)
Lets do the time warp again!
Make note,never let Dr Frankenfurter do the probing again!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I actually like Slim Whitman's yodeling but it gives me horrible headaches.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
(Think “Mars Attacks”)
Mars needs women.Our laundry is really piling up
(So that was what the movie was about)
You must bring us a shrubbery.
(Or we’ll say “Nee” at you again.)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

He's no Leeloo (5th Element)
He's No Milla Jovovich (5th element)
Jon Barsanti Jr

Do you remember the recipe for soylent green?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
(The recipe is in the book “To Serve Man”)

THE REST
1. Two heads are always better than one!
2. Why did he ask if we were one- eyed people eaters?
3. Make up your mind which half of his brain do you want!
4. His mother's egg must have mutated!
5. How far do you think he can see with those scrawny eyes.
6. Do you think he hears with those two things that are attached to the side of his head!
7. Why did he say he was seeing double?
8. He said we had a split personality!
Nancy Nelson, Greensboro

See--there's definitely no sign of intelligent life here!
Charlie Finch, Greensboro

THIS is their leader???
Charlie Finch, Greensboro

We can figure this out...after all, two heads are better than one.
Look at those beady eyes!
Darrell Kimrey, Greensboro

"Such a puny-looking specimin. Two eyes, one head--It's obviously of a lower evolutionary level."
Ken Layton, Carthage

We can figure this out...after all, two heads are better than one.
Look at those beady eyes!

"Of all the creatures in the universe, I think this is the scariest."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Is he seeing double, or are we?"
Sandra B. Smith, Browns Summit

" This test should prove two heads are better than one ! "
" Heads will roll if we don't do this right ! "
" Wouldn't have to do this left or right brain test if he was like us ! "
" Wonder if he sleeps with one eye open ? "
" His eyes look like a couple of flying saucers ! "
" Keep an eye on him while I get some shut-eye ! "

"Evolution must be down sizing , two eyes , one head ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

He does not have a split personality.
James Durham-Greensboro.

"Lowes has a sale on log splitters"??
Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

" Maybe we should think twice about this ! "
" Are we having second thoughts about this ? "
" On second thought ??? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Let's put lipstick on him.
Jerry Kyle

" Obviously, he doesn't think like us ! "
" Seems like left & right brain in same head would conflict ! "
" Remarkable ! Siamese brains, left & right in one head ! "
" We're HEADS and shoulders above this species ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington,

"...it's lasted more than 4 hours. Should we call a physician?"
Walt Moyer, Graham
I liked this one.

"Thinks he knows everything."
Alex Potter, Greensboro

"One for the money. The second one's for show."
Alex Potter, Greensboro

"Do you think it will work?"
"Do you think it's going to work?"
"I don't think this is going to work."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

I guess 2 heads are better than 1.
Robert Atwood, Greensboro

We should throw him back until he gets bigger.
Empty.
Empty...just like the others.
Chuck Buckley

Now what was that episode on the Food Network about?
Sydney E.
This idea was a contender. Needed different wording though …

Man is he ugly.
I don't see anything in there.
Now which planet did we get him from.
Chloe E.

He's dead Jim.
Do you think his brain fell out when we caught him
Damon H

I thought you said we were having brain.
Did you leave the tractor beam on again?
Caesar L

Why did we turn Mom into a human?
James M

When we suck out his should it go in my head or yours.
Nia B

"Hmm.where do we put the other one?"
"Where do you want to put the other one?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Where do you want to put the other end?"
"You put the male lead on him, didn't you?
"Are you sure you put the male lead on him?"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

Well, Thats where the instructions said to put it.
Maybe the table is cold?
Well, so much for Mexican food experiment.
Sorry, He always makes the "Probe" joke.
Just so you know, we didn'y enjoy that either.
I hope you didn't need both of those.
Sorry about the Orangutan experiment. We thought primates were primates.
I'm not sure you will still like us when certain memories resurface years from now.
Uh, remember when we told you that this would be "virtually" painless?
Just for the record, that wasn't supposed to happen.
Funny thing is, we didn't even know the tip unscrewed before now.
This would be easier on everyone involved if you tried not to clench.
We have no idea why we do this, but it beats working in the Brewster Rocket strips.
TRIBB, Raonoke, Va. ( I promise I'm done for now)

1.)What a strange place for the second head.
2.)Make note,extreme pupil dilation when probe inserted into rear portal.
3.)So many openings to probe, so little time
4.)Brain scan indicates that he who smelt it dealt it.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

His name is Abbie Normal. (Like leftovers-if you liked it then . . .)
J. C. Winkle

He said his name is Spock.
J. C. Winkler

And now, from my favorite book: "To Serve Man".
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

1.)We found a small polyp so we recommend you get reprobed in a year.
2.)Maybe we should start warming the exam tables.
3.)His brain scan indicates he is trying to contemplate why anyone would put lipstick on a pig.
4).We really need to start giving enemas before we probe!
5.)His brain scan indicates he is scared yet slightly turned on.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)If we disassemble him maybe he will fit in the luggage compartment.
2.)Maybe the Earth stood still but his bowels sure didn't.
3.)How to serve man?Gross!
I'm thinking Arbys. (the doofus from Roanoke is my brother)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

" Earthlings will never evolve ahead of us ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"There's only one place left to probe."
"Can we dissect this one?"
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1.)Why does he keep trying to cough on us?
2.)Why did he giggle when we stated that we are here to probe Uranus for Klingons?
3.)Remind me to abduct some deoderant next time.
4.)The noxious gas they emit when startled must be a defense mechanism.
5.)We come in peace ,other than this little abduction thingy.
6.)We are here to learn of this thing you call an eyepod.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Well, there's our proof..........2 heads ARE better than one."
"So, That's what a two-eyed monster looks like."
Rosemary Keever, High Point

" Yes, he is a strange looking creature."
" Let's call him ET."
" Oh no, the operation went terribly wrong."
" I agree, let's send him back."
Lee Richmond, Jamestown

1.)Would the man and two robots in the front row please stop the wise cracks! (MST3000 I miss you).
2.)We don't have a transporter.We just chop you up and shoot you thru a vacuum tube.
3.)If you plug those three front holes it turns a pretty blue color.
4.)Resistance is futile,we will assimilate you, yada yada yada ..
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)We are siamese if you please....
2.)Deja vu dude,it seems like we've probed him before.
3.)Yes human,two heads are better than one.
3.)Yeah,the X files got a little hard for me to follow at the end.
4.)Take us to your leader,the one you call Gilligan.
5.)What's my motivation for this scene Mr.Wood?
6.)Would the guy with the 2 crudely made robots in the front row please shut the heck up!
7.)Yeah,I agree.The Outtakes with the rock collider was a hoot.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"It sure is weird looking, isn't it?"
"If this is their best and brightest, no wonder their planet's in peril."
"Wow...the elusive one-headed creature of earth."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

1.)Maybe we should use something more advanced than a collander for brain scans.
2.)We will release you human but we will return in two weeks in a very similar cartoon by Dave Coverly.
3.)Geez,these low grade sci-fi movies have the cheesiest sets.
4.)I thought you said Ed Wood was a very respected director!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

This explains those funny looking glasses!
David Robinette, Rockingham County

"Is it done yet?"
"It's no use. He simply will not tell us the winning caption."
"Aww, I wanted mine medium rare."
"I really don't think he knows his credit score."
"Now we know what they are thinking; within a 2 point margin of error."
"I told you it would get soggy under the hot lamp."
"I've got half a mind to stop this test."
"I still say his owner may come for him."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.)So, you say we don't have to mind wipe you because you pinky swore not to tell?
2.)We would probe that Rickard guy again but he likes it way too much!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Egad, two eyes in one head!"
"Two heads are better than one."
"No, there is no reversing this."
"You should be seeing double."
"No, we don't have a smaller size."
"Look, it's one of those aliens from outer space!"
"No, we've never been to any place called Roswell."
"You know that ear design would keep ours from filling up with rain water."
"I told you they were real."
"Look at those beady little eyes."
"Don't make fun of our uniform!"
"No you can't watch Andy Griffith reruns!"
"What is Mars coming to?"
"You cannot date our daughter!"
"How dare you make fun of our uniform!"
"We're fans of the Suns up here, not the Bobcats."
"What is that pointed thing on the front of his face?"
"It seems to be some sort of beak."
"We just wanted to do our own version of the John McCain story."
"John McCain said to outsource his commercials."
"Two separate people with two separate heads running for election?"
"When the procedure is done, you'll look just like us!"
"This reminds you of the Twilight Zone?"
"Coach Davis, we were told to keep you here until after the NC State game."
"Of course we are ambidextrous."
"We're here to gather all the information we can about Star Trek."
"Bigfoot! There can't be!"
Rob Black, High Point

9. Who's he calling an alien?!
10. This alien is deformed!
11. He said he had double vision!
12. He said he was seeing double!
Nancy Nelson

13. Why does he keep mumbling Double Whammy?!
14. Remember you took the Hippocratic Oath!
Nancy Nelson

"Marvin said that humans had long ears and cotton-tails..."
"I thought that two heads were better than one..."
"He has two eyes on the same side of his head, he must have evolved from flounders..."
"We need to find him a shirt with one head hole - this will be tough ..."
Jon Barsanti Jr

Yea, it's nothing much to look at, but the little built-in handle is kinda cool!
Barbara Zeller, Climax

What experiment could we run that Rickard has'nt?
His thoughts are so out in space we don't need to erase his memory.
The dog gave us more information.
We will not harm you.
Christine Keaton, Randleman

1.)We meant to abduct the guy behind you but we have lousy depth perception.
2.)He is disrobed and ready to be probed.
3.)We are the Siamese Cyclops from the center of Saturn.
4.)I apologize in advance for any probing mishaps due to our poor depth perception.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.) I told you before,questions first,mind wipe second!
2.)Mars needs women.Our laundry is really piling up
3.)You must bring us a shrubbery.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)We're a one eyed,no horned,nonflying,double headed green guy eater.
2.)We come from Uranus which has turbulent winds and toxic gases
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"the experiment went well but we better keep an EYE on him"
M. Carbo, Summerfield

Bet he won't make travel arrangements on-line again.
Said his original itinerary didn't include a layover in Roswell, New Mexico.
Buy two frozen pies and we can have cute aluminum hats.
So why did the mother ship dump this one on us?
He doesn't look special to these four eyes.
He looks confuzzled.
He's already looking pretty shocked.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Two heads are better than one, especially if one wears lipstick.
Do we really care if he's a jogger?
I say he's a keeper -- he eats veggies AND jogs!
He's worried about someone named "old Sparky" ?

" Forget you ever saw US ! "
" Let's just forget we ever met ! "
" You will not remember a thing ! "
" We stand by each other always ! "
" Time to clear our heads ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

What a freak, two eyes and only one head.
Don't be jealous he is not my type.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

" That's funny, I forgot how to turn off the brain memory machine ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Have You lost Your Mind ! ! ! "
" I think he's lost his mind ! "
" Don't be playing mind games with me ! "
" I really don't like mind games ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" If you cooperate :~) ... if you don't :~( ... choice is yours ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" :~) or :~( .... choice is yours ! "
" Forget It "
" Just forget it, MAN ! "
" Yes ! We are two-faced ! You're here for more than a visit ! "
" He wants us to forget our differences ! "
" Visitors are not welcomed ! "
" You forgot to say, May I . "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Ha ! He thinks his double vision is from drinking ! "
" Yes ! You are in double trouble ! "
" No double-talk, we'll tell you straight ! "
" Double shots landed you here ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

That muzak really calms them down
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1) What exactly are we looking for with all this probing ?
2) We've got to stop abducting people from trailer parks.
3) You can keep him but you do all the talking when we go through customs.
4) The minute we get back I'm transferring to the crop circle department !!!
5) Why do we always get probe duty ?
6) He must save a fortune on hats .
7) He was ok until I told him L. Ron Hubbard wasn't lying .
8) Let's brainwash Mr. Cruise and set him free.
9) I think it's going to be harder to assimilate than we originally thought.
10) I love it when their eyes do that when we mention the probe !!!
11) I told you Mr. Shatner was one of us. You owe me $5.
12) We've been traveling for 100 light years, forget your leader, take us to your restroom !!!
13) Ask him how we get a Myspace page.
14) Don't laugh, remember we got him out of the pool.
15) He looks edible.
Deadpan, Winston-Salem

They are just giving us the CEOs of AIG,FreddieMac and Fannie Mae.No need for abduction.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Wow only one head! Weird
Kim Youngdahl

Boy, two heads really ARE better than one.
I hope I put the cap on the right end.
Linda Woodard

Funny, he looks like an alien to me too.
His one head looks soooooo familiar.
I still think he looks like a scared Brad Pitt.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"I dunno either. The manual clearly states he has two heads."
Barbara Cashman (sorry Tim, couldn't resist) Greensboro
I won’t say which one does the majority of thinking

1.)Hurry up and probe him, I have tickets to the Foo Fighters
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

So, that's what we would look like if we put our heads together.
With only one brain, I wonder how he made it here.
Dwight Hicks, Greensboro

'INTERESTING! ONE head and TWO eyes!
But will it ever catch on?
How could he ever get around?
Ig! Gud eek sab optivisz probo!
Keith Peddie - Greensboro

1. "His brain waves just keep repeating, "I'm thinking Arby's.""
2. "Sad, his IQ only measures 190."
3. "What do you think Jeff?" "I'm not sure Mutt."
4. "He sure is ugly."
5. "Think he would like one of our sulfuric-acid flavored shakes?"
Cheryl Kidd, Greensboro

1. “They always have that deer in headlights look.”
2. “I hate these Out-of Network patients.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1) "Dr. McCoy, we hated to call you but we've got a splitting headache."
2) "Dr. McCoy, we hated to beam you up, but we've got a splitting headache."
3) "We thought we called a HUNAN Restaurant for delivery!"
4) "We've only got two more procedures to check off of our practice list... The Frankenstein, and The Kevorkian."
5) "No sir, those would be one-eyed, one horned, flyin' purple people eaters...no relation."
6) "Eat you?? No, only the One-eyed, one horned, flyin' purple people eaters do that."
7) "All we know is that our mother worked for Geico and she says that we have our dad's skin tone."
8) "We'd like to know more about our home town....all we know is that we were born in a place called Area 51."
9) "Our reception isn't very good up here...is Martha Stewart still on?"
10) "OK, how 'bout this one...Lucy, Ricky, Fred & Ethel get stuck in an alpine lodge due to an avalanche... did they get out?"
11) "Whaddya think that thing in the middle with two holes is??
12) "Boy, are these human blow up dolls LifeLike!!!"
13) "Boy, these human blow up dolls really ARE as life like as the ad says!!"
14) "Hummm, they don't usually fly in tech support...our computer problem must be bigger than we thought."
15) "You didn't happen to bring any contact lens solution with you, did you?"
16) "You didn't happen to bring any contact lens solution with you, did you? We're almost out."
17) "We've recently been diagnosed as BiPolar and we would like to have a therapy session."
18) "Our mission is to bring Peace to Earth, so we're polling humans....paper or plastic?"
19) "Our mission is to bring Peace to Earth, so we're polling humans....Ginger or MaryAnne?"
20) " PLEASEEEEE tell us that you brought the new Tim Rickards Brewster Rockit Book....we've been waiting an aeon!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"You don't happen to know if a Dr.Frankenstein is still alive do you?"
"Our Dad is a Dr.Frankenstein...do you know him?"
"You don't happen to know a Dr.Frankenstein, do you...he's our Dad."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"There's only one thing left that we haven't probed!"
"Do you think he sees double with both eyes on the same head like that??"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

" Never encountered a split personality before ? "
" Says he likes double header games ! "
" We like to play Double Jepardy ! "
" Strange request, Juice in the AM ! "
" Sorry we have no clothes in your neck size ! "
" Stimulating conversation. "
" This should spark up our conversation. "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Where's the petroleum jelly? He's worried about his hair getting frizzed.
Lucky so-and-so -- he never gets more than one headache at a time.
Says his head hurts -- half of a headache pain pill ought to work for him.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"So you support off planet drilling."
"I had no idea registering for the crop circle webinar would be this complicated."

"He's think of reporting us to the USDA for the recent rash of cattle mutilations."
Gray Amick, Milky Way Galaxy

"The earthling thinks he's seeing double."
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

"I don't like it. He's talking out of both sides of his mouth."
Haircut: $15 Grocery bill: $50 Having no one to share bathroom with: Priceless
"He keeps mentioning a 'Dr. Mel'.
Stephen Botts, Greensboro

15. Do you think he knows where Elvis went?
16. He's about as intelligent as Brewster.
17. He's about as intelligent as Dr. Mel.
18. Tim, this stinks.
19. I think we should clone him and then we'll both have one.
20. Do you think OMNI would like pictures.
21. Tim, what do we now!
22. He's creepy! 23. Head or Tail! 24. Should we call Mike Rowe with Dirty Jobs??
(Sorry, Christine couldn't resist)
25. That stare gives me the hebby jebbies.
26. This will be a good one to tell his grandkids!
27. Our grandkids will love this one! 28. That stare creeps me out!
29. We need to sent this one back to Brewster!
Nancy Nelson

"Since two heads are better than one, think we should add a third?"
Jay Moore, Jamestown

30. Adam shouldn't have listened to Eve!
31. No signs of intelligent life here!
32. I told you this planet had no intelligent life forms!
33. Do you think he'll make a good pet for our son?
24. Are you getting hungary?!
Nancy Nelson

Said he met Tim at a Trekkie convention a couple of weeks ago.
Glad we have another week to figure out what to do with him.
He's a captive audience -- give him the election spiel.
What's a "magic fingers" bed?
Where's he from thinking we'd have a "magic fingers" bed?
He says we'd blend right in in his hometown.
Is it just me or is he missing something?
Which on-line translation service shall we use?
He'll be fine once we crank the number bed up to 8.
Quick, get the pomade, his hair is frizzing.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

35. So this is what you got for our frequent flyer miles!
36. I thought you were going to take Obama or McCain!
Nancy Nelson

Are you sure this is the best they had?
Pam Hart, Siler City

"Don't worry...he can just tell them he's on vacation this week."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Two heads ARE better than one!"
Rynn McGee-Pierce, Summerfield

21.(correction) Tim, what do we do now!
37. I think we should fatten him before...!
Nancy Nelson

"You will give birth in approximately nine earth months."
"No one will know that you are giving birth to an extraterrestrial-your baby will look completely human."
"No one will know that you are giving birth to an extraterrestrial-you baby will look completely normal."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Please do not be alarmed. this is simply a procedure to correct your condition."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"What's this anesthetic he speaks of? Nevermind, commence drilling!
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"What a strange creature--only one head and two eyes."
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Ummm, don't cha' think he needs more work - AHA ! it's his eyes - they're set too close together.."
Pat Vaughn, Madison

"Twins are separated at birth?"
"We were just born with motion sickness"

38. Bon Appetit!
39. What do you think would make a good appetizer?!
40.Don't you think his eyeballs look delicious?!
41. Shh, he can still hear us! Nancy Nelson
"This human was caught faking crop circles."
Rick Meehan, Graham

1.)Our mission is called Plan 10.
2.)Our cousin Marvin suggested this place.
3)Lets do the time warp again!
4.)We can't probe you this week.We are on vacation!!!!!!
5.)You don't have to strip 'em naked for brain scans pervert
6.)We've had our vaccinations this time human
7.)Make note,never let Dr Frankenfurter do the probing again!
8.)Brain scans indicate that hooters make him happy.
9.)This is the weirdest porno I've ever been in.
10.)We traced that rover back to you guys.
11.)We are from France.
12.)Mars needs women,but no fat chicks please.
13.)Our neck hole technology is vastly superior.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I told you they only had half the intelligence.
Mike Meehan, Cadillac Michigan
Good one, from Michigan

1.)We must cure Agent Mulder of his sex addiction.
2.)We will need a strechable top strap for the human they call Pamela Anderson.
3.)Repeat after me,The truth ain't out there so quit yer lookin.
4.)Duuuude,look what he did on our exam table.
5.)We must never pull his finger again!\
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)We will release you agent Mulder if you can refrain from humping the starboard thrusters and licking the photon torpedoes.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Hey, Why are they looking at me?
Sherry Fuller, Kernersville

1.) I don't think we can hold this pose for another week Mr. Rickard!
2.) ( those poor cartoons, not even a bathroom break)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)Sir,we don't think we can hold this pose for another week! Mr.Rickard!?Sir!?
2.) I actually like Slim Whitman's yodeling but it gives me horrible headaches.
3.)The human has asked for a little Slim Whitman music as his last request.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"We can try to remove an eye or split the head"
"It looks friendly, Should make a good pet!"
"He doesn't realize this is just a dream!"
"He is having a nightmare. We represent his mother-in-law!"
"Not as interesting as the female named Hilton we just released"
"They come in different sizes and flavors"
"The biology lab want to dissect"
"I wonder what it taste like?"
"Poor creature. It has no head mate!"
"His name is Tim Rickard"
"He is upset. He can't write his JOY blog"
"Dr. Righteyestein, your monster is awake!"
"Great protein source and there are 5 billion more!"
"With all the plump ones available, why did they teleport this skinny guy?"
"Notice the shrinkage, apparently caused by cold air"
"Where on earth did you find him?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"I told you there was nothing in there"
Debra Schaben, Kernersville

"Hurry. After February 19, we won't be able to read any of their signals."
"Right brained, left brained, it's silly to argue over."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1) Think we need to put our heads together on this one?
2) Not sure we shoulda brought it back with us!
3) You're right--two heads are better than one!
Bill Beerman, 3606A Wildflower, Greensboro

He's no Leeloo (5th Element)
He's No Milla Jovovich (5th element)
Jon Barsanti Jr

3. “That’s creepy - his eyes move in sync.”
4. “How do they know when they’re talking to themselves?”
5. “Looks like another Out-of-Network patient.”
6. "He was in this condition when we abducted him from Wall Street."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Do you remember the recipe for soylent green?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Well if he doesn't breathe through it and he can't pick up the peanut with it then what's it used for?"
"Maybe we need a bigger probe?"
"What do you think...shiny side up or shiny side down?"
"Maybe if we put the light bulb in it's MOUTH we'll be able to see if it lights up this time?!?!?"
"I'm thinking maybe 450 for about 45 minutes should be good..."
"The other cap doesn't seem to fit as well as this one does..."
"I told you we shouldn't keep the probes in the freezer..."
"I think he's supposed to turn his head and cough..."
"I hope ALL the humans aren't like this one they call Rickard..."
"You would think Mr. Cruise would've expected this to happen eventually..."
"Do you think it might be another arm or maybe a third leg?"
"I told you to pack an extension cord..."
"Would you look at that...three prong plug and only a two prong outlet..."
"Do you have it set up so that if one human goes out the others will stay lit?"
"That's really the only other place to plug it in to that I can see..."
"All we keep getting are X rated images...this guy must be some type of addict..."
"Gillian Anderson naked...over and over and over again..."
"Maybe we should try the Probinator?!?!?"
"What do you mean he doesn't have Bluetooth?"
"You think that might NOT be a USB port?"
"We're a PC and apparently he's a MAC..."
"Subject 34534 - George W. Bush - President - No recordable brain waves whatsoever."
"I would've thought it would be cooked by now..."
"I told you not to buy Mind Reading Equipment on eBay..."
"What does Wikipedia say about alien abductions and anal probes??"
"You would think they would come with a longer cord than that..."
"I told you to read the instructions but no, you had to do it all by yourself..."
"Do you think if we wrapped it in aluminum foil we could get HBO to come in?"
"Where's the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth shattering kaboom?"
"I think if we plug it in THERE it will cause an endless loop...don't you think?"
"Maybe we was in the pool..."
"I'm not going to touch it...YOU touch it..."
"I hope this one doesn't explode like the last one did..."
"Do you think they'll make us clean up after this one too?"
"Lets only go to 5 this time so we don't have a repeat of what happened to the last one..."
"Just remember how expensive it is to have our uniforms dry cleaned..."
"Keep in mind that this is our last clean uniform..."
"Do you think he smokes?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL (more to come)
Now let’s make him a diverse partner and leave them in an orchard.
Frank Freeman, Greensboro

Think we should include him in our spay- and-neuter program?
Bill Wallace, High Point