News-Record.com

Since I’m still in a Halloween mood, next week’s cartoon stays in the same macabre spirit. It’s the headless horseman visiting a plastic surgeon.
Go nuts.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
I was afraid this would happen. I left you very little room for interpretation on this one so virtually all entries are within spitting distance of each other in many areas. Here’s where the little things like wording and timing counts most of all.

WINNER
"So how do you like your new job, Sis?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
This took a different take than all other captions. Simple. fits with the drawing.

RUNNERS-UP
"Ahhh, I see ve're in the same line of vork!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

“So you say you're having some difficulty obtaining a photo ID of me??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Welcome back, CC. We've all missed you.

Of course I won’t bite. Professional courtesy.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

Can you give me some pointers?
Tribbett, Greensboro
Great stuff this week Tim. As usual.

"All of my assets are liquid."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

“Match.com” really got it right this time!
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

“What an honor! I’ve always admired your work!”
Kevin Little

"Are Ya Hirin'?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

“Finally, someone I can take home to mother!“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"...so he says Hocus, Pocus and I fall to the floor and land on my head!"
"Wait, Wait, Watch This...Abraca-Pocus!!!!'
Bob Mannary
Bob, you’ve watched waaayyyy too many Bugs Bunny cartoons. I should know.

"I made just One...ONE Dollar this year!! Ha, Ha, Ha..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
… and Sesame Street.

Lets count 1, 2, 3, .....
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

"If I could pass on to my next life, I'd want to be an IRS agent." "Whew...imprisoned...I thought I was gonna be impaled."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Paging Count Vlad ….

"OOHH this is scary kids."
(a la Count Floyd, SCTV, circa, 1983.)
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.)You're cold blooded but I'll check it and see.
( I got a fever of seventy-three)
Can I claim Van Helsing? The guy practically lives at my place!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Can I deduct my cane? I need it to beat poor Willy.
(have to be really old to get that one)
Terrible Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Occupation ... I am a hemaphoresis specialist"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
Basically, it means drawing blood …

Abracadabra not hocus pocus
(won't get that one I bet) Transylvanian Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
bet I will …

1,2,3,4 ...4 deductions hahahaha
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Tim Tribbett, meet Bob Mannary, Bob, meet Tim …

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Our son Tim is doing editorial cartoons now!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN
Can I have a bloodweiser
I need a blood-lite!
Nancy Nelson

But I’ve always filed as “Dead of household”
Bill Wallace, High Point

"I understand I owe some bat taxes."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

BEST CAPTION OBVIOUSLY MEANT FOR A PREVIOUS CARTOON
Ever had an itch you couldn't scratch?
Rich Stephenson
(for last week's match cartoon)

THE REST
Must I remind you, madam, that it is and always has been MY job to suck the life out of the people!
Cary Mullinnix, Trinity

1.)I'm applying for the graveyard shift.
2.)And you won't even have to pay me.
3.)There's no need to discuss a salary.
4.)When can I start!
5.)Wow, I thought I was the most heartless bloodsucker around!
6.)I prefer the night shift if possible.
7.)The taxes on that castle are like a stake in the heart!
Tim Tribbett, Greenboro

1. And they call me a bloodsucker!
2. I owe how many gallons...!
3. Since when did they start taxing the DEAD?
4. Lady, that's the scariest costume ever!
5. Can I pay in blood?
6. Well I'm presently unemployed!
7. How much credit can I get for a gallon of blood?
8. Did you know blood is thicker than water?
9. Well my investments went sour!
10. Don't be depressed things will get better.
11. You already have my blood, sweat and tears!
12. I need more time, I have to go to the bloodbank!
13. Haven't you heard we' re in a recession!
14. You have the most beautiful neck!
15. Can I take you out for a drink?
16. Bite me!
17. Did you say you only want me to bite the UNEMPLOYED?!
18. Can I take you for a bite?
Nancy Nelson

Ahh, you see, my dear, that's your mistake. I only make withdrawals.
Jay Moore, Jamestown

1.)You guys are my idols!
2.)Can you give me some pointers?
3.)You say you want to tax the blood I drink?
4.)I'm here for the night time position.
5.)You would make a great vampire dear!
6.)Wow,even I'm a little scared right now!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

19. Can I take you out for a bite?
20. Fang it!
21. You are so beautiful to me!
22. After Halloween I'll have plenty of...!
23. I'm counting on a big turnout the evening of election day!
24. No, I do not eat people!
25. I'm a sucker just to be sitting here!
26. Hurry up lady, the sun is coming up!
Nancy Nelson

That's a charitable deduction for some surplus I gave to the Red Cross.
That's a loss deduction -- my blood bank stock was way down this year.
That's a loss deduction -- my blood bank stock has really taken a dive.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"I've come to you for a few tips on blood-sucking."
"What do you mean I can't list my coffin as a deductible?"
Ken Layton, Carthage
The first one was one of the last contenders not to make it.

"I was born in Transylvania in 1855 and I've never been audited before."
Glenda Layton, Carthage

It's a loss deduction for a failed turnip farm -- you can't get blood . . . .
It's a loss deduction for my failed turnip farm startup.
The dental deductions are legit -- fang specialists aren't cheap.
No, no -- Transylvania in Europe, not North Carolina.
I like your looks -- are you an "O"?
It's not a costume -- these are my work clothes.
You're sucking the blood out of me!
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1) "And I thought I knew how to suck people dry!"
2) "I'd love to help you, but honestly you are better at this than I am"
3) "Wait wait...I have to pay property taxes on my coffin??"
4) "I owe back taxes from 1897??"
5) "Wow...that's alot...guess it's time to sell some blood again"
6) "If I donate blood, can I deduct that?"
7) "You will forget I filed late...you will forget I filed late...you will forget..."
8) "I think you'd be much more effective at grave robbing than Igor ever was"
9) "That's a lovely perfume you're wearing...money is it?"
10) "I swear, I didn't lie on my taxes. I really was born in 1430"
11) "I have a question. I didn't see a 'bat of household' option on my W-2"
Grady Saunders, Greensboro

27. This sucks!
28. You look ghoulicious.
29. I don't have a ghost of a chance do I?!
30. I'll be leaving like a bat out of hell!
31. Will this be a trick or a treat?
You're not Buffy are you?!
32. Now pumpkin, you're scaring me!
32. If this goes badly, I'll haunt you until the day you die!
Nancy Nelson

"I'm here to take what Wall Street hasn't"
Terry Brown, Pleasant Garden

33. I'm green with envy, at least you have a job!
34. With the high price of blood these days, I have to feed on humans!
35. With the slow economy everyone staying home at night.
36. Come out with me and we'll have a bloody good time!
37. What's that perfume you're wearing ,GARLIC!
38. What, you're putting a stake thru my heart!
Nancy Nelson

But how was I supposed to know, “Suck the life out of ‘em” was a cliché?
Skye Dalrymple, High Point

"And they call ME a Blood Sucker?!?!?"
"Always nice to meet a distant relative!"
"Oooh...Vickie...Your costume is MUCH scarier than mine this year!"
"Willie is going to FREAK when WE show up at Farm Aid this year!"
"Are Ya Hirin'?"
"Got any openings in auditing?"
"I made just One...ONE Dollar this year!! Ha, Ha, Ha..."
"The trips to Transylvania WERE for business!"
"...so he says Hocus, Pocus and I fall to the floor and land on my head!"
"Wait, Wait, Watch This...Abraca-Pocus!!!!'
"I understand your reluctance to stick your neck out for somebody like myself..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Ethanol from corn makes a profit -- blood from turnips doesn't.
Joan Lux, Greensboro
Several "blood from turnips gags this week. The concept is a bit of a stretch.

1."You suck more life out people than I do, how can I get a job?"
2."How can you tax me for bleeding people dry, when you're the real blood suckers"
Paula R. Hairston, Greensboro
Nice

"I thought I was the one who sucks the blood out of people".
Paula Metts, Jamestown
Nice

"Well, my job is seasonal and the economy has hit me pretty hard....most people have already been sucked dry".
Hi, I'm Joe the Plumber. I make under $250,000 per year so I'm getting a tax cut, right?
"....and I thought I was the scary one".
"Hey, great costume....very scary".
Cheryl Lowe, McLeansville

"And they call me a bloodsucker!"
"It appears we're in the same business."
"You're just my bloodtype!"
"Sure, I'll pay another visit to Willie Nelson's house!"
"Death and taxes...there's gotta be a joke here somewhere!"
"So not even death exempts you from taxes!"
"The old adage is wrong, taxes is the ONLY thing that's certain!"
"I knew you had roots in Transylvania!"
"If I could pass on to my next life, I'd want to be an IRS agent."
"Whew...imprisoned...I thought I was gonna be impaled."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
The first two are very strong

"I Can't Deduct the Interest On My Coffin?"
Mark K McIntyre, High Point

Wanna join our union-the International Brotherhood of Bloodsuckers?
Of course I won't bite-professional courtesy.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

39. I'm not coffin up any more taxes!
40. The IRS is the bloodthirsty ghoul here!
41. I can fix it so you'll live forever!
42. I'll stake my life on that!
43. Would you mind taking that cross off while I'm here!
44. Let me reflect on that for a moment!
45. Do I look okay, I can't see myself in your mirror!
46. Sorry, I run the costume shop down the street!
47. Happy Halloween!
48. Got any candy?!
49. I'm running about a pint low!
50. Can I borrow your neck?!
51. I can see you sense my fear!
52. I feel a mist coming on!
53. If you let me go, I'll send you Obama and McCain to audit!
Nancy Nelson

" Oh man, girl, it is Halloween, but could you choose something less frightening next time?!"
Jordan Frye, Greensboro

"And now, my dear, we're going to play a game called role reversal where
I'll suck the blood from you......"
Kay Davis, Climax.

Read my lips, I did not cheat on my taxes.
Do I look like someone who would lie to you?
As the devil is my witness I am telling the truth.
How does a week end in Vegas sound?
Don Rankin, Greensboro

You mean I can't deduct expenses for Count Chocula?
Suzette Winkler, Asheboro

I have lots of "blood relatives". How many exemptions can I claim?
Are the "undead" required to file?
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

IN SPEAKING FROM ONE BLOOD SUCKER TOO ANOTHER ...
Douglas Stanley

"But the agreement was, I will get their blood!"
Linda Parrish, Greensboro

"Bite me."
"This really bites."
"OOHH this is scary kids."
(a la Count Floyd, SCTV, circa, 1983.)
"Look into my eyes, yes, yes."
"I have a pine box full of receipts."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1 - "But, you can't get blood out of a turnip."
2 - "What do you mean Halloweens been banned until I pay my taxas."
3 - "Can we work out a payment plan?"
4 - "Yea, Yea, can I see some paper work?"
5 - " I never heard of a Form 1040"
6 - "We can't lose the Best Costume contest if you go an IRS agent and I'll go as the Devil."
Kenneth Chambers

"We have so much in common!"
"Have you noticed how much we have in common?"
"I'm applying for the Internal Revenue Agent position."
"So my resume clinched it?"
"We'll make the perfect team! I'll bite them and you drain them dry."
"It's foolproof! I'll bite them and you drain them dry."
"I'm so glad you liked my resume!"
"We'll make the perfect team. I'll bite them and you drain them dry."
"It's foolproof. I'll bite them and you drain them dry."
"I'm so glad you liked my resume."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
The first one was a strong contender

Is it true you people can get blood from a turnip?
I see neither one of us can go out in the sunlight.
No madam. I am not on a cereal box.
I assure you madam...anti-coagulant is a necessary business expense.
Now I know how it feels to get the bite!
Lets count 1, 2, 3, .....
$5,300 for dental work is a business expense.
Look into my eyes and repeat, "You get a refund this year".
Alan Parrish, Clemmons

It's sooo nice to meet another bloodsucker!
Tim Merritt, Jamestown

1.)Wow,I thought I was a heartless depraved bloodsucker!
2.)I would bite you but even I have some standards.
3.)Blood banks are taxable?
4.)You AB negatives are all alike!
5.)Yes,fang maintenance IS a business deduction and in a second I'll demonstrate why!!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1. How about I suck you dry for a change ?
2. Coincidentally I was an IRS agent when I was alive.
3. Boy ! I thought I was cold.
Does that stand for - I really suck ?
Bill Everhart, Greensboro

54. Boo!
55. Boo, who, who!
56. I'd like to do the Monster Mash with you.
57. Just gaze into my eyes!
58. Let me spirit you away to Transylvania!
59. Is that a hawthorn in your hair!
59. I'm Count Dracula, I don't make math mistakes!
60. Need a vacation, I'll fly you to Transylvania.
61. I Hope you'll be quick, I have a dental appointment at 7 pm.
62. Be afraid be very afraid!
(35) With the slow economy everyone's staying at home at night.
63. Hurry up, it's time for my coffin break!
64. Good you're not wearing any metal!
65. This is ghastly!
66. How macabre!
67. Give me liberty or give me death!
68. The UNDEAD don't have to pay taxes, do they?!
Nancy Nelson

1.)You're cold blooded but I'll check it and see.
2.)How about stepping out for a bite?
3.)Let me show you why fang maintenance is a legitimate deduction!
4.)Ima Longneck,what a lovely name!
5.) I would turn you into a heartless bloodsucker but that would be redundant.
6.)Can I claim Van Helsing?The guy practically lives at my place!
7.)Sun block is a legitimate deduction!
8.)Yeah,Tomb of Dracula was a great comic!
(I prefered Werewolf by Night)
1.)Carfax Abbey is my vacation home for biting English chicks.
2.)That head chopper Van Helsing cost me three dependents!
3.)If I find their heads can I still claim them?
4.)Wow, 500 years of back taxes really adds up !
5.) In my day I found impalement to be a very effective means of discouraging tax evasion!
Terrifying Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1.)Welcome to your first day at the IRS training academy.
2.)So,after you drain the blood you leave the lifeless corpse to rot. Any questions?
3.)Look into my eyes.You will not audit me (and you think bugs are delicious.)
4.)Can I deduct my cane? I need it to beat poor Willy. (have to be really old to get that one)
Terrible Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Do my deductions....frighten you?"
"Let me help you with that paper cut."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.)After you take an arm and a leg I get to drain their blood.Deal?
2.)Wow,your Halloween costume is much scarier than mine!
3.)Does that stand for Insatiable Reticulocyte Sucker?
4.)Wow,you guys suck more than I do!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

" But it was a Transfusion, Not a Transaction ! "
" My Favorite Acronym is RIP ! "
" I'd like to get my Teeth into This ! "
" You people always make my Blood Pressure Go Up ! "
" But my Bloodmoblie is used for Donations Only ! "
" It takes a Bloodsucker to know one ! "
" We're both just a couple of Bloodsuckers ! "
" All my Blood Count Work is Pre-Tax ! "
" Yes, I use alot of RED INK ! "
" I Stay in the RED ! "
" All my Accounts are in the RED ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

But . . . but . . . I owe everything to Bram Stoker.
I LOVE a woman in a high-falutin' government job costume.
Joan Lux Greensboro NC

Here's the deal. First, you suck them dry. Then give 'em to me and I'll
REALLY suck them dry.
My tax deferred retirement account is at the blood bank.
I don't get it. You're not that scary.
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"Before we start, would you like a bite?!"
"My accountant, Igor, handles my affairs"
"The metal mesh vest is a legitimate deduction"
"My workplace? I work worldwide, alone and at night"
"Last year? I haven't filed for 2000 years!"
"I am pleased to see you wear no jewelry!"
"Help with audits? I certainly can especially in rural areas"
"Yes, I can help the IRS with Public Relations"
"Movie revenues? My dear those were paid actors. My reward was "liquid" refreshment"
Transylvania? That's an old address. I currently reside in Greensboro, NC
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Ahhh, vunderful...the dating service results call us highly compatible."
"Ahhh, I see we're in the same line of work!"
"Ahhh, I see ve're in the same line of vork!"
"Does IRS stand for I'm Really Scrumptious?"
"No, I don't look for tax loopholes. Just prominent veins."
"Is parasitism a taxable job now?"
"You expected an honest opportunist? "
"That's an oxymoron... honest opportunist."
"This is ingenious. It really thins the lunch crowds during Market."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"Out of professional courtesy I will ask you which side of the neck you want me to bite."
"We bloodsuckers have to stick together."
"My Garlic allergy therapy is a business expense ..."
The trips to Transylvania are valid business expenses ...
"I work from my crypt - I mean crib ..."
"I needed an early withdrawal from my wife ... wife's 401k ..."
"Occupation ... I am a hemaphoresis specialist"
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

1) "I gave it all to the Witches Benevolent Fund".
2) "Lost every penny when the Blood Bank failed".
3) "Honest, vampiring has been lousy all year".
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

1.) I just love being in the presence of great evil!
2.)We're a good team. After you visit they are very willing for me to end it all.
3.)Yum,a MILB.
4.)I'm a count! Don't I have some sort of diplomatic immunity?!
5.)Abracadabra not hocus pocus.(won't get that one I bet)
1.)You want my autograph?How flattering!
2.) 1,2,3,4 ...4 deductions hahahaha
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
1,2,3,4....4 false deductions hahahahaha
Torpid Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

I would turn you into a cold hearted blood sucking ghoul but someone has beaten me to it.
Tim Tribbett, Ghoulsboro

"What an honor! I've always admired your work!"
Kevin Little

" Do You Have a STAKE in this ? "
" Our Figures Aren't Far Apart, let's Meet in the Middle ! "
" We're Both a Couple of Bloodsuckers ! "
" You do mean S-T-E-A-K for lunch ? "
" Like a BITE for Lunch ? "
" Let's me show you my COUNT now ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Costumes look great. Let's go trick or treat. "
" Would you lean over a little closer ?"
" Would you mind if I give you a little peck on the neck ?"
" It's a bloody job, but somebody's gotta do it ."
" Yes, my job is very taxing !"
" I work mostly the night shift ."
" Yes, I am very much a people person ."
" Are you thirsty too ?"
" May I get you a bloody Mary ?"
" Yes, my dad told me to get a real job ."
" Yes, they are very sharp. Are you free tonight ?"
" My favorite music group ? Blood, Sweat and Tears, of course ."
Lee Richmond, Jamestown

Who says the IRS isn't friendly? You agreed to this midnight meeting.
HAPPY Halloween -- great government-job costume, by the way.
We'll have fun at the Halloween party IF you don't say what you're dressed as.
Is that a pick-up line on your briefcase?
So you want my blood too?
Joan Lux, Greensboro

71. Spooky!
72. I need a blood-lite!
73. Can I have a bloodweiser?
74. Would you like to go out with me to see "The Diary of the Living Dead"- Zombies?
75. Can I take you to the Monster Prom this Friday evening!
76. I'm getting the most eerie feeling.
77. You're giving me the hebby jebbies!
78. You're not scaring me!
79. I'm sorry to hear about your black cats' demise!
80. I hear dead people!
81. Scream all you want, everyone else has already left!
Nancy Nelson

1.)So,can I see you again sometime?
2.)Would you like to join our army of ghouls?
3.)You're the best ghoulfriend I've ever had!
4.)Our son Tim is doing editorial cartoons now!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"I understand I owe some bat taxes."
"Oh, and I would like to give a dollar to the presidential fund."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"But I've always claimed my victims as dependents."
Bob Langlais, Kernersville

"Now that that's over, how 'bout a bite?"
"I'm afraid all I have is blood money?"
"No he's not my son but I raised him."
"How can I owe any bat taxes?"
"But I would never miss a deadline!"
"So how do you like your new job, sis?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. “Let’s join forces. You take away their will to live, then I’ll take their blood.”
2. “The way you can make the blood drain from a person’s face is just awesome!”
3. “Why don’t you just put a stake through my heart?”
4. “My accountant refuses to work at night.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1-Ah, they sent me a woman. You're more al dente.
2-Transylvania, Europe, not Transylvania County, N.C.
3-How do you like my toothy smile?
4-You can't get blood out of a turnip, nor me either.
5-In my line of work dental bills are a business expense.
6-My return is correct & I approve of this statement!
7-I don't cheat on taxes: the stakes are not in my favor.
8-Are you trying to put the bite on ME?!
Max Harless, High Point

1) " I'm not used to someone being able to scare me. "
2) " I agree, a soul just gets in the way of the work. "
3) " I have to turn down the job. There's some things even a vampire won't do. "
4) " Did it just get really cold in here ? "
5) " That was the coldest blood I've every had. "
6) " Finally, someone I can take home to mother ! "
7) " It's so nice to meet a fellow blood sucker !!! "
8) " Judging by your outfit, I see mirrors are no use to you either. "
9) " Scary costume. "
10) " We are more alike than you would think. "
11) " Yes, I really need that coffin for work. "
12) " Is $ 10,000 dollars for sun screen considered a lot ? "
13) " That's Count Chocula, C - H - O - C - U - L - A .
14) " You didn't hear it from me but you know who cheats on their taxes, the Wolfman ! "
15) " I run a nice little Coffin and Breakfast . "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

You have done well my loyal and faithful servant.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

71. Spooky!
72. I need a blood-lite!
73. Can I have a bloodweiser?
74. Would you like to go out with me to see "The Diary of the Living Dead"- Zombies?
75. Can I take you to the Monster Prom this Friday evening! 76. I'm getting the most eerie feeling.
77. You're giving me the hebby jebbies!
78. You're not scaring me!
79. I'm sorry to hear about your black cats' demise!
80. I hear dead people!
81. Scream all you want, everyone else has already left!
Nancy Nelson

82. Creepy!
83. Jeepers creepers where?d ya get those peepers!
84. Which witch are you?
85. Those monster kids are gobbling up all the candy corn!
Nancy Nelson

1. It appears I'm not the only blood sucker.
2. How can I owe taxes? I only work one hour a night.
3. You have a great looking neck!
4. It's a deduction because I donated it all to the blood bank.
5. When did they start taxing blood?
6. Why isn't tooth sharpening a tax deduction?
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden
Nice - the first one

"Baby, when was the last time you had your neck sucked... ohhh! I mean tucked."
"Fresh meat"
"Come on, you are not really wearing a mask?"
"About that large dental deduction...... "
"You look fresh, can I take you out for a bite."
"I would love to take you out for a bite."
What do you mean, blood donations are not deductible."
" That $150,000 was for make-up and clothes."
"I went to a Party and they said I could deduct $150,000 for a cloth
allowance."
"A date with the IRS."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Now that that's over, how about a quick bite."
"No he's not my son, but I practically raised him."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

This speed dating really works.
Charles Thomas

"I admire your work."
"All of my assets are liquid."
"I can explain all the blood banks."
"The dating site said we would be the perfect match."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Can I offer you some blood?
Tim Tribbett,greensboro

My caption is : " Audit ? Don't be O-negative !!!! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

"We get the deductions for sunscreen, manicures, frequent dental cleanings....but for Silver???"
"Don't you think owning an ambulance company is a conflict of interest?"
"First off, my friend Wesley Snipes says to say Hi! "
"I realize now that I probably shouldn't have let Mr.Snipes do my taxes last year."
"So you say you're having some difficulty obtaining a photo ID of me??"
"OK, let me see if you've heard this one...'Name two monsters that suck.' "
"Ok, here's one...'How is a vampire like the IRS?' "
Here's my entry for this week's cartoon:
"No, No, I assure you that 'Blood Money' is a legitimate deduction."
"The way I see it, we're both out for blood!"
"Of Course I haven't filed since 1899! I've been dead since then!!"
"Since when do Vampires have to abide by human laws?"
"Just how many coffins am I allowed to deduct."
"That column is for coffin renovations."
"Yes, I've read 'IRS Audits for DUMMIES'...Why do you ask??"
"Well, most of my jobs have been nocturnal."
"You probably haven't seen me around because I usually work third shift."
"Thanks for agreeing to meet me at night. My skin is sensitive to the sun,"
"Thanks for agreeing to meet me at night; I tend to burn so easily."
"My company is called 'Fangs For The Memories'... we do mostly Scrapbooking."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

86. You're such a wicked witch!
87. Your eyes are beWITCHing!
88. Can't you bail me out!
89. I have the perfect bloodspot remover!
90. We're the perfect match!
91! You're FREAKing me out!
92. Can't SCREAM can ya?!
93. What's that I smell brewing in your cauldron?!
Nancy Nelson

"Match.com" really got it right this time!
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

“I guess you could say we both make a living by sucking the blood out of folks.”
“Sorry, I know these things can be a pain in the neck.”
“I realize my activity isn’t mirrored in my receipts.”
“I can assure you I never got a dime from my work with the community blood drive.”
“All my withdrawals occur at night.”
“I can assure you that the $5,000 Crest Whitestrips expense is a legitimate business deduction.”
"I can assure you the IRS monitors all Counts."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

SNAIL MAIL
“You guys make me look like an amatuer!”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“Can I make payments by the pint?”
Bill Wallace, High Point

“C’mon, we’d be a bad dream team.”
Frank Freeman, Greensboro.
these three are here because they made my short list