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This week’s theme is inspired by the recent election (although captions do NOT have to be about this election.) You can write dialog or a caption. If dialog, specify which President(s) is talking.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
Once again no consensus -- every judge picked different captions. You guys are either getting better at writing captions or we’re getting worse at picking them. Some great Sleepy Hollow captions in this week’s Best Cultural References section on the JOY blog. As well as a few very funny gags in the MATURE category, mostly from the Tribbett brothers.

WINNER
I’m an organ donor. If things go bad, just make a pie.
Bill Wallace, High Point

RUNNERS-UP
Just turn it around and start over.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I want a less seasonal look.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

“It’s okay. I’m used to going under the knife.”
Don Byers

"During the operation, I think you left a candle in me."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

“Doc, I feel a little light headed.”
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville FL

"Everything's fine...until my horse gets hungry."
Ian Knight, Greensboro

"There's something wrong with my face? I just came in to get a wart off my finger."
Ken Layton, Carthage

Oh, I'm not here about the pumpkin. I'm thinking gluteal implants.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Too many “Linus” jokes to list

"It would've worked too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"So does Penny ever ask about me?"
Bob Mannary, Greensboro
Is this from the poem?

"This really isn't what I meant by George Hamilton's skin color..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"You come highly recommended from County Agent Hank Kimble."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Alton Brown said you did a great job with Mr. Potato Head ...
Jon Barsanti Jr., Hillsborough, NC

And now for some Sleepy Hollow references …
My name is "Bones," "Brom Bones."
Katrina has tired of my scaring little children.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Yah, I used to be a verry handzome Hessian zoldier until the Yankees cut off mine head.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Can you make house calls?You see there's this covered bridge
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

It's not your reputation, it's just that I don't have to cross any bridges to get here."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

And the movie …
"Can you give me any features that look a little more Hessian?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Just don't let my teeth show thru like they did for Christopher Walken."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I’ll let CC herself explain this one …
When the Headless Horseman is about to kiss Catrina's stepmother, you can see his actual teeth behind the filed ones. Christopher Walken's teeth are blacked out and their outline is visible against his tongue during the closeup of his face.

"This is overdue...Did you see me next to Johnny Depp?
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
"Are you the same one who worked on Mr. Potato Head a few weeks ago?"
Ian Knight, Greensboro
Good one, Ian

"This shoulda been last week's Joke!"
Bill Beerman
You too, Bill

BEST CAPTION FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE
You should see where the zuccinni is.
Bryan Tribbett

I'm fine with the pumpkin but I would like to upgrade the baby carrot.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"So the procedure left me with a low seed count?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1) Pull my finger and see if you smell pumpkin
2) and my father said " Hey its just a pumpkin and no one will ever know."
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

...and my Dad was lonely one night and thought " Hey, it just a pumpkin and no one would ever know".
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

POETRY CORNER
There once was a Hessian called Stanky,
Whose head was shot off by a yankee,
He now roams Sleepy Hollow seeking revenge,
That dude will cut off your noggin in a blood soaked binge,
But after a good tiring head chopping horse chase,
He thinks,"Why the crap did I ever leave Germany in the first darn place?!"
name withheld

THE REST
1.)Do you really think a boob job will help?
2.)Please don't give that stuck in a wind tunnel look
3.)If you're going to make me look like Joan Rivers I think I prefer the pumpkin
4.)Everytime I make out with a chick they get a mouthful of seeds.
5.)Can you at less take out the seeds.
6.)Nothing major,just even up the mouth a little.
7.)After Halloween this gets to be a bit of a bummer.
8.) First,we chop off Brad Pitt's head and put it in an ice chest then.......
9.) Can you make the eyes oval?Who has triangles for eyes for cripes sake!
10.)Can you do something about the smell?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Lot's of good stuff, Tim

1.)I'm just riding along minding my own business and they start screaming and running! (sniff)
2.)They keep calling me pumpkin head Doc!
3.)Just turn it around and start over.
4.)This is what happens when you let a kid carve your face!
5)Can you at least give me a nose and ears?
6.)I'm tired of people putting candles in my head!
7.)I'm not the happy go lucky guy people think I am!
8.)It's really hard to get new pumpkins out of season!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I can't seem to get ahead in life, doc."
"Is this do-able.or am I out of my gourd?"
"The name is Jack O. Lantern. Pleased to meet you."
"I don't want to live life as a vegetable."
"The last guy butchered the job on my face. Can you do anything?"
"It's okay. I'm used to going under the knife."
"Is looking good once a year too much to ask?"
"Will Botox take out some of these deep lines?"
Don Byers, Greensboro
Some good ones here

1. This head isn't working, it's too seasonal!
2. Linus saw me in the pumpkin patch this year!
3. I thought you were a plastic surgeon!!
4. This head is starting to smell bad.
5. I'm tired of being called melon head.
6. It's hot in here!
7. Everyone's trying to knock it off!
8. I need you to smash it!
9. First no head, now pumpkin head!
10. I wanted a plastic head not this thing!
11. Don't you have one that looks more like you?!
12. Linus is my biggest fan!
13. Linus thinks I'm the Great Pumpkin!
Nancy Nelson

"Everyone keeps calling me Jack! My name is Barack!
Dennis Kays, Greensboro

14. Would you please stop snickering !
15. It's not that funny!
16. It's stuck and I need you to remove it!
17. Knock it off!
18. Now you're just being RUDE!
Nancy Nelson

I would like to look like a Turkey.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

19. Instead of being a legend, I'm just hollow!
20. What's next a Turkey head with feathers?!
21. It's just too heavy!
22. No, I do not want to gobble!
Nancy Nelson

"It doesn't really matter how it got there, just get it off..."
"It was a dare...Alright?!?!?"
"Given my choices at the time I think this works MUCH better than the Turkey..."
"...he said it wouldn't fit and I said it would fit and here we are..."
"I tried corn first but I couldn't see through all the birds..."
"Well I started with a squash but everyone just pointed and laughed..."
"The look is just so dated....now they have these great pumpkin carving kits..."
"...and the neighborhood kids are mean...they call me 'Pits For Brains'"
"Well how would this make YOU feel?"
"Nope...Fruit Fresh doesn't help one bit..."
"Carrot Top said you were the best in the business so here I am."
"It would've worked too if it wasn't for those meddling kids!"
"So does Penny ever ask about me?"
"So did you get to keep the robot or did he stay with Will?"
"I'm interested in a tummy tuck, why...what did you THINK I was here for?"
"I've tried the Petroleum Jelly route but it makes my head so slippery..."
"Well, the bottle said that if it lasted more than 4 hours I should seek medical attention..."
"It was a Kite-Eating Tree and I was HORRIFIED."
"...and grapes don't seem to work very well on the sunny days..."
"Any chance you could get me Michael Jackson's nose?"
"I don't think my last Botox injections are working too well..."
"I was hoping to maybe get a chemical peel?"
"This really isn't what I meant by George Hamilton's skin color..."
"I'm not really sure HOW many pumpkins it takes to make a pie...why?"
"Is there any chance I can keep it? My wife loves to bake this time of year."
"Every time my wife preheats the oven I get worried so it's time for a change..."
"NO! Not the guy from the Charlie Brown cartoon..."
"Yeah...I've tried Pumpkin Fresh but you can only get it online and I'm in a hurry..."
"If one more kid puts a candle in my butt I'm afraid I'm gonna hurt somebody..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

"Brad Pitt? I'd settle for Boris Karloff."
Ken Layton, Carthage
"There's something wrong with my face?. . . I just came in to get a wart off my finger."
Ken Layton, Carthage

With all that political talk about change, I thought what the heck, it might work for me too.
Pam Hart, Siler city

Hair plugs are all I need, don't you think?
So what color with the bruising be?
I picked you, Doctor, because you did Kenny Rogers.
I'm in show biz -- a punkin rock band.
And then a dentist to fix my snaggle teeth.
My parents called me "Punkinhead" -- and then it came true.
I guess I'm just tired of being called "pumpkinhead."
I've already tried all those expensive eye creams.
I don't like the triangular shape of my eyes.
Joan Lux Greensboro

" Fix'n Me Doc, Should Be Easy As Pie ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1.)I can't pay you but you can use the leftovers for a pie.
2.)The other doctors gave me your name and then laughed.
3.)Can I see photos of previous carvings?
4.)Just a little off the stem please.
5.)Nose job? Heck man ,I need a head job!
6.)Just try something.You really can't make this much worse!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I've actually been under the knife before"
"My last procedure was a hack job!"
"No, no...all I want is a little botox."
"This is overdue...Did you see me next to Johnny Depp?
"I've got a new job and the headless bus driver doesn't click."
"Does it look like I care about the risk?"
"It'll cost what - you must've lost YOUR head!"
"What do you mean, you're a doctor not a magician?"
"I don't want anything radical like Michael Jackson got."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro
Some good ones here

So what color will the bruising be?
Joan Lux Greensboro

"Doc, I'm a little light headed."
"When I said I wanted to look like Jack I meant Jack Black, not Jack O Lantern."
"When I said I wanted to look like Jack I meant Jack Black."
"I want a nose and some ears Doc, so my glasses stay on."
"My wife complains because I keep losing my head".
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

"No more candles, doc, I want a permanent facial glow!"
"Everything's fine...until my horse gets hungry."
"Last plastic surgery, I got mistaken for a Trick-or-Treat bag."
"Are you the same one who worked on Mr. Potato Head a few weeks ago?"
Ian Knight, Greensboro

"Yes, I know that I mentioned that I'd like to be a Vegetarian, but this isn't what I had in mind!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Let's face it Doc...'Punkin' Head' was a lot more enduring when I was a child."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1.) Do you really think a watermelon would look better?
2.) I'd like to change to a flaming skull to go with my new motorcycle.
3.)Maybe something else in the squash family?
4.)Nothing against Mrs.Hansen's 2nd grade class but I think you can probably do better!
5.) I have a few fresh heads outside if you would like me to model them.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) "This shoulda been last week's Joke!"
2) "Im loosing it--couldn't find my patch"
3) "I'm just a left-over"
4) "No tricks--just treat me!"
5)"Can you make a pie outta me?
Bill Beerman
Number 5 was on the right track …

1) I was thinking more of a watermelon look.
2) And when your done feel free to make a pie from the left overs.
3) People accuse me of having a spray on tan.
4) I just don't feel people accept me the way I am.
5) It's probably more noticable to me.
6) You should see where the zuccinni is.
7) I'm just tired of people calling me Jack.
8) Just some ears, nobody remembers the ears.
9) Why are you looking at me that way? your thinking about pie again aren't you??
10) If I looked normal I would probably give up this whole beheading thing
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

I was a normal guy before I went to Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon!
2.) So,how are you at head transplants?
3.)When you say eyelift it makes me think you're missing the big picture.
4.) I used to throw it a people but they're hard to replace out of season.
5.) I will have to chop your head off after the surgery. No offense,it's just what I do.
6.) I'm sure you must have carved jack o lanterns as a kid.
7.)Can you carve a smile? I've had anger management classes.
8.) I usually have my cosmetic surgery done at the grade school.
9.) It's hard to get on a plane with this head on a photo ID.
10.)What kind of implants did you have in mind?
11.) I really don't think a tummy tuck will help.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"It feels like I'm being taunted 364 days out of the year."
"I brought a template to go by."
"I'm just tired of being considered "Great"."
"I want softer, less angular features."
"Can I draw what I want on the back of your head?"
"I'm just afraid as I fade, I'll look more "squashy"."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Nice stuff

Oh, I'm not here about the pumpkin.I'm thinking gluteal implants.
2.)I'm fine with the pumpkin but I would like to upgrade the baby carrot.
3.)What do you mean work on my head ?What's wrong with my head?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Ifs hardth ta talkth wifh thiss moupth ands no tonguest
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

How can I see whose head I'm chopping? I have no freakin' eyeballs!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Please change my head.Some weird little kid with a blanket is stalking me!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Let's do an acorn squash---so people don't think I'm completely off my gourd."
I don't want it enhanced -- I want it OFF.
My insurance company says this is elective surgery.
Joan Lux Greensboro

I've been working for more than two centuries to get insurance approval.
And you could share it with the operating room staff.
I'm a patient man . . . and long-lived as well.
But think of all the free advertising if you pull this off.
My name is "Bones," "Brom Bones."
Katrina has tired of my scaring little children.
I'm sure you've heard all of this before . . . .
Joan Lux Greensboro

"Given the economy, let's go with genuinely frightened."
"During the operation, I think you left a candle in me."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

I've worked for more than two centuries to get insurance approval.
And no press releases -- I'm traveling incognito.
And you could share it with the operating room staff.
I'm a patient man . . . and long-lived as well.
Think of the free advertising if you pull this one off.
My names is "Bones," "Brom Bones."
Katrina is tired of my scaring children . . . and some adults.
But I'm sure you've heard all of this before.
And I'll let you use my personal pumpkin-carving tool kit.
Joan Lux Greensboro

1.)My mom was a pumpkin and my dad was a really drunken sailor.
2.)Yah, I used to be a verry handzome Hessian zoldier until the Yankees cut off mine head.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) I was thinking more of a watermelon look.
2) And when your done feel free to make a pie from the left overs.
3) People accuse me of having a spray on tan.
4) I just don't feel people accept me the way I am.
5) It's probably more noticable to me.
6) You should see where the zuccinni is.
7) I'm just tired of people calling me Jack.
8) Just some ears, nobody remembers the ears.
9) Why are you looking at me that way? you're thinking about pie again aren't you??
10) If I looked normal I would probably give up this whole beheading thing
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

I was thinking of going with a painted on face.
2.)Mr. Irving originally did my face but his work was a little sketchy
3.)A cannon ball knocked off my head and all I got was this lousy pumpkin!
Can you make house calls?You see there's this covered bridge....
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.) It's hard to get a head in life when you look like this!
2.)The guys at the produce section know me by name.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

The only upside is I only have two "S"s to take care of in the morning.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

23. I look ridiculous, don't I?!
24. Unbelieveable, right?!
25. I got more dates when I was Headless!
26. What do you mean I smell like pumpkin pie!
27. I have a real problem, everyone wants to put candles in me!
28. Doc, I'm getting headaches now!
29. I'm a soldier I deserve respect!
30. I need a do-over!
31. My horse even neighs at me!
32. Can I have a brain, hair, eyeballs, a nose, teeth, a tongue...?!
Nancy Nelson

" I want my money back."
" You only heard part. I asked for stem CELLS."
" Was this your first Halloween operation?"
" I said to work on my SQUASH, not pumpkin."
" I was kidding when I said trick or treat."
Lee Richmond, Jamestown
I liked the first one. Silly.

"A Zoltar Machine was in the pumpkin patch. I asked for a new head!"
"I found this Zoltar Machine in the pumpkin patch"
"Strange cider. Fell asleep then work up like this"
"Our family has this unusual gene..."
"The Great Pumpkin did this!"
"The seeds are driving me crazy!"
"This is a bad carving, I wanted a smile"
"I would like to add a nose"
"I would like a nose job, a need one"
"Can you transplant heads or at least do a face off"
"The face cream can from a remote Wicca shop"
"The Halloween face cream was on special!"
"I don't like "Pumpkin Head". Can you replace it with a large zucchini?"
"I decided in haste that we Cranes has been headless too long"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Doc, I feel a little light headed."
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, FL

I want a less seasonal look.
I was a potato head, now a pumpkin head, I want to be a Quince.
I want to look like Ichabad Crane
I want a smile that goes up - and some straighter teeth.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"Granny's already called my old head for pumpkin pie!"
"Ever since the cutlass accident, I'm a little scared about going under the knife."
"There's a downside, Doc. All the headhunters will stop calling."
"You're planning to take the skin from WHERE?"
"Do you think this will ruin my image?"
Kris Voy

I am waiting to see who wins the election
I am getting ready for Four years on SNL
I am looking for a Potato Head look
Nearly Headless Nick is my ideal look
A butternut squash nose will make me look like Jimmy Durante ...
Alton Brown said you did a great job with Mr. Potato Head ...
I am going for a Michael Jackson transformation ... sans fire.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"So the procedure left me with a low seed count?"
"Happy Birthday!"
"C'mon doc, you're making me blush."
"Well, now I have this burning sensation."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1) Pull my finger and see if you smell pumpkin
2) and my father said " Hey its just a pumpkin and no one will ever know."
3) Your name isn't Peter Peter by any chance is it?
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

" Awww, come on Doc - you promised - - you gotta fix it
This look is passe - - besides, my 'all-spice ' has expired!!
Pat Vaughn, Madison

"So none of my seeds could be saved?"
"Can we try a chemical peel?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

There once was a Hessian called Stanky,
Whose head was shot off by a yankee,
He now roams Sleepy Hollow seeking revenge,
That dude will cut off your noggin in a blood soaked binge,
But after a good tiring head chopping horse chase,
He thinks,"Why the crap did I ever leave Germany in the first darn place?!"
name withheld

So if we can make the change into a turnip before Thanksgiving, I think I might have a chance.
I've been terrified ever since I moved in next door to Peter Peter. What are my options?
You just carved my face before Halloween and already my eyes and mouth are sagging.
And you think a prosthetic nose will make me look more natural?
My brother Mr. Potato Head is the lucky one. He came with spare parts.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"I'd like something a little less festive."
"I'm looking for something smaller.. maybe a gourd."
"I went a little overboard with the carving knife. Can you fix it?"
"Michael Jackson says you're the best."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

...and my Dad was lonely one night and thought " Hey, it just a pumpkin and no one would ever know".
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

"I've heard what you've done for Jack Frost, the Bearded Lady, and Pamela Anderson."
"You were right, you warned me about getting too much sun."
"It flares up every year around this time."
"Sure, I burn the candle at both ends."
"You come highly recommended from County Agent Hank Kimble."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

It's not your reputation, it's just that I don't have to cross any bridges to get here."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"So you see Doc, I'd like to keep the basics since I'm pretty famous, but can you give me more character?"
"Can you give me any features that look a little more Hessian?"
"I've seen your work; can you give me the 'Michael Jackson' nose?"
"Well, it's got to be durable because I do a show a night where my head goes up into flames."
"Well, it's got to be durable because I do a nightly show where my head goes up into flames."
"The only person I can think of that might remember what I looked like is Ichabod Crane."
"In Sleepy Hollow, they say you're the best."
"Well, my insurance is a Military HMO, but it's Hessian, so I doubt you're in network."
"I'd like something that makes me look smart and happy, but not goofy, with lots of emotion, but not seasonal... probably what you get everyday."
"I'd like something with lots of expression, but not seasonal."
"I'd like something timeless, but not seasonal."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Just don't let my teeth show thru like they did for Christopher Walken."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Let's face it Doc...'Punkin' Head' was a lot more enduring when I was a child."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"And I said to my barber "I want a little off the top."
"Can you help? I feel so empty inside."
Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

" Sorry, Pumpkinhead."
"Doctor, I need some lips."
" It not that funny."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville