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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
I get it now. You guys do better when I give you less to work with. Another great collection of captions. I had to be brutal paring down the entries into a shortlist for our judges or it wouldn’t have been a short list. Looks like I’ll have to try harder to give you unimaginative images to work from. I think I can pull it off, though. Oh, and Christian Pike of Siler City, you’re a hoot! Your comment on your Dad’s serial forgetfulness gave me my best laugh of the day. (see below)

WINNER
(Roosevelt) “Twitter entry for today, ‘still staring at Lincoln. Still hasn’t noticed yet’”
Grady, Greensboro
The first general consensus winner we've had in a while.

RUNNERS-UP
(Jefferson) “I can see Russia from here.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

(Teddy) We were lonely, it was dark. Let us not speak of the matter again.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

(George) Thomas, for the last time, GET YOUR HEAD OFF MY SHOULDE
Bryan Tribbett (TRIBB) Roanoke, Va.

(Jefferson) "OK, one of you guys be on the lookout, I'm gonna take a quick shut-eye."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

“Who Called This Meeting??"
Bob Fuller, Greensboro

(Jefferson) "I spy with my little eye...."
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

(Lincoln ) "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?”
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

BEST OBSCURE REFERENCE
Jefferson: “If Borglum says ‘Hold still, I’m almost done,’ one more time…”
Don Byers, Greensboro

Washington: Mr Roosevelt has become tiresome.Fetch Mr. Borglum and his dynamite.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
(The guy who sculpted Mt. Rushmore …)

Teddy Roosevelt to Lincoln:
There's just no room here for a Democrat.
Christian Pike; 7th grade Siler City
Hmmm … never thought about it, but actually this is correct. George was of no particular party, Jefferson was a Democratic-Republican (Although this is considered the beginning of the Democratic party) and Lincoln and Teddy were both Republicans.

Roosevelt: How come the Indian gets a horse?
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
The Crazy Horse Monument, of course …

Roosevelt/Jefferson/Lincoln in unison: "Which way did they go, George? Which way did they go??"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro
Someone’s been watching their Warner Brother’s cartoons …

"Abe's friend from Easter Island wants to join us."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
The Statues on Easter Island, natch.

"Teddy - You will finally be joining the 'Currency Club.'" (New Dollar Coins)
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
Really? I did not know this.

MATURE AUDIENCES
Washington: Jefferson, where's your hand???
Jefferson: George, is that a pine tree, or are you just happy to see me?
Jefferson: George farted on my leg.....AGAIN!
Bryan Tribbett (TRIBB) Roanoke, Va.

Teddy: Abe, I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable but you look really sexy when the light hits you just right.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Google mt rushmore's backside.You can see a photo of an outcropping of rock that looks just like a penis.The locals have named it clinton's rock.That is funnier than any caption I could create
Tribbett,Greensboro

Washington:I think they are starting to notice the yellow trees and giant piles of dung.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

George: Thomas that better be your foot.
Rick O'Reilly,Greensboro

Teddy: We were lonely,it was dark. Let us not speak of the matter again.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
None this week?

BEST POEM
(George)Oh I lived thru Valley Forge.
(Thomas)You've declared that often George!
(Teddy)Oh Abe had himself a Bull Run.
(Abe)That U.S. Grant sure could drink some rum!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN
Roosevelt:I can see clearly now that Spain has gone.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
This may also belong in obscure cultural references.

From Washington's mouth to Abe:
“Hey Abe, how about an Emancipation Rocklamation?”
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Also a cultural reference contender

THE REST
“Sorry Abe. There’s only room for one guy from Illinois up here.”
Janet Brindle Reddick
Nation/World Editor News & Record
Get back to work, Janet

1.)Washington saying "Hey Teddy and Abe, I heard they might stick Bush or Obama in that opening between you guys! (snicker)
2.)Washington saying "Hey Abe,a penny for your thoughts."(snicker)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

The great minds of Rushmore all have one unceasing thought."Gosh darn it,my nose itches!"
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. Abraham Lincoln-Free at last, free at last! ( I think King's quote fits here)
Nancy Nelson

1.)Final score:Virginia 2,North carolina 0 (HA!)
2.)Teddy saying to Abe "Sometimes I feel there's a space between us.'
3.)Teddy saying,"Well Abe,if you would do something about your breath we would move back over."
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro (but a proud native Virginian!)

2. Lincoln-Looks like change is a coming!
3. George Washington-I bet Obama has chopped down a few cherry trees in his day! 4. Thomas Jefferson-What Mountain do you think he'll get?
5. George Washington -Obama should evoke my proclamation of neutrality.
6. Abraham Lincoln-Honestly, do you think he can change this crumbling nation. 7.Thomas Jefferson-I hope he's respectful of everyone's liberties!
8. Theodore Roosevelt- He'll make a good Rough Rider!
9. T. Roosevelt-The White House needs more teddy bears!
Nancy Nelson

Roosevelt: "Are you guys as petrified about the campaign costs as I am?"
The competition for immortality is stiff
Never take election results for granite
Jefferson: "If Borglum says 'Hold still, I'm almost done,' one more time."
Lincoln: "Never did like these photo ops"
Roosevelt: "Hey, Abe. Do you think you could scratch my nose?"
Washington: "'Why don't we retire in South Dakota,' she said!"
Jefferson: "Rock on, Obama!"
Lincoln: "Mary did say she loved me for my chiseled features."
Roosevelt: "Keep a stiff upper lip, gentlemen."
Yes.it's lonely at the top
Washington: "Never let it be said we were just a bunch of talking heads."
Don Byers, Greensboro
Some good stuff here, Don.

That space between Abe and Teddy will be about right for Barack.
Ken Layton, Carthage

George: Stop griping. I know you're set lower on the mountain, Teddy, but we all would like to know just how you got up here in the first place.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"It was too early for Hillary, anyway."
"I was hoping for Tina Fay"
"I felt an electoral earthquake ..."
"Teddy - You will finally be joining the 'Currency Club.'" (New Dollar Coins)
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough
The Tina fey reference was a hit.

LINCOLN: Let me know when I need to scrunch up closer to Teddy.
LINCOLN: It's appropriate that he'll be next to me.
LINCOLN: He'll cast a mighty large shadow.
ROOSEVELT: Hey, we can always use a fifth for poker.
Joan Lux Greensboro
Like that last one

JEFFERSON: Fine, as long as he doesn't bring a bowling ball.
Bowling ball? Don't get it, but I love the absurdity of this.
Joan Lux Greensboro

1.)Jefferson to Teddy,"George wears a wig.Pass it on."
2.)George saying,"Tom,those two youngsters are acting up again!"
3.)Jefferson saying,"All those who don't think I'm the greatest president raise their hand."
4.)Jefferson saying," Hey look George,it's Magnum PI and his Amish sidekick."
(This one is kinda hard.Oh wait,nevermind!)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Roosevelt = What are you two so glum about? I'm the one who has to look at his nose all day.
George Subasavage, Greensboro

Presidents in unison: "All men are created equal...except wo-men."
I would prefer that my name not be used. Thank you.
I don't blame you

1.)Abe saying,"Guys,sometimes I feel there is a space between us."
2.)Jefferson saying,"Guys,I think George's teeth are hurting him again."
3.)Jefferson saying,"Hey guys,check out the hot tourist chick in the tank top"
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)Lincoln saying,"HeyTom,check your nose.You've got a hanger."
2.)Teddy saying,"I can't see a darn thing without my glasses!"
3.)Washington saying,"I wish they had put us some place warmer."
4.)The presidents of rushmore have just one thought,"Where the heck is the rest of us?"
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Roosevelt: How come you guys are on money and I'm not?
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

George Washington, "Follow my lead."
James Durham-Greensboro

1. "WHY IS HE UP HERE NOW? HE JUST GOT ELECTED".
2. "HEY MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW GUY."
3. "WHO IS BARACK, AND WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?"
4. "WHO IS MICHELE OBAMA, AND WHAT IS SHE DOING UP HERE?"
5. "JUST BECAUSE HE MADE HISTORY DOES NOT MEAN HE SHOULD BE PUT IN FRONT OF ME".
6. "WHO IS THAT ONE?"
PAULA HAIRSTON, GREENSBORO

"I spy with my little eye...."
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

Caption: "Who Called This Meeting??" or " Birds of a Feather - Flock Together".
Bob Fuller - Greensboro

1)? Lincoln:? "Well, fellas...we made it through another term without having to move...but I think 'Change' is coming."
2)? Washington:? "I see him coming guys...thank God ears aren't allowed up here!"
Skye Dalrymple, High Point

Lincoln: "One day President Bush's face will...okay, not even I can say that with a stone face."
"A lot of our forefathers were completely stoned."
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Washington speaking.
Rember, I'm your father and you kids had better keep things on course.

Washington says: I heard W's not in the running for the fifth spot."
Rick Meehan, Graham

1.)Jefferson says,"Dude, I am so stoned."
2.)Teddy says,"Abe you've got a little moss growing in your right ear."
3.)Teddy says,"If he tells that Valley Forge story one more time I'll crack." 4.)Washington says,"If they turn this into a socialist country I'll demand a paternity test."
Tim Tribbett

Had a few for today's cartoon:
Roosevelt: "The 'you aren't on currency' argument is getting really old guys"

Roosevelt: "Twitter entry for today, 'still staring at Lincoln. Still hasn't noticed yet'"
All: "1,432,532,954,145 bottles of beer on the wall, 1,432,532,954,145 bottles of beer."
Jefferson: "Woah George, that's the 23rd bird to 'hit' you today! New record guys!
Roosevelt: "I heard if McCain won they were going to replace me with Joe the Plumber"
Grady Greensboro, NC

Lincoln: Why are you all looking at me like that??
TRIBB, Roanoke, Va.

GEORGE: "Abe, do you think there's enough room up here betwen you and T.R. for Sarah?"
James R. Hicks, Jr., Stokesdale

George Washington: "O K, guys, number 413 in the hymnal; Abe, you sing tenor.One, two, and: 'A charge to keep I have. . .'"
Submitted by Paul Bravender, High Point

The Christian Pike e-mails
(e-mail) Teddy Roosevelt to Lincoln:
There's just no room here for a Democrat.

(next e-mail) Forgot to give my name........Christian Pike; 7th grade Siler City

(next e-mail) Lincoln to everyone:
At least the three of you got a decent head of hair.
Christian Pike, Siler City

(next e-mail) George Washington to everyone:
Does anyone have a muffler....it's cold up here.

(next e-mail) My pop forgot to give my name..........
Christian Pike, Siler City

(next e-mail) Teddy Roosevelt to Lincoln:
There's just no room here for a Democrat.

(next e-mail) Again!!!!!! Pop has had a couple of scotches.........forgive him.....
Christian Pike, Siler City
Hee hee. And tell your Pop, “cheers!” for me.

Abe says "George, Teddy's looking at me. Make him stop!!!"
Linda Stratton, Greensboro
Like this one

1) Washington: All the people in this country and that was the best two they could come up with????
2) Jefferson: Its hard for me to look so serious with a pine tree tickling my "youknowwhatsies".
3) Lincoln: uhoh, I bet I get blamed for this one.
4) Jefferson: I spy with my little eye.............
5) Washington: Jefferson, I don't know what you're thinking about, but if you don't get that thing out of my back.....
6) Jefferson: PSSST, George, you have pigeon poop in your ear.
7) Roosevelt: Move over Abe, I think somebody new may be coming.
8) Washington: Jefferson, where's your hand???
9) Jefferson: George, is that a pine tree, or are you just happy to see me?
10) Roosevelt: O.K., Where the hell is that Dominos Pizza guy??
11) Lincoln: So guys, What do you want to do Today??? Same as yesterday?
12) Jefferson: George farted on my leg.....AGAIN!
13) Jefferson: Man! I was reeeeally hope'n to see that Palin chick up here. GRRRROWF!
14) Things worked out SO much better before today's media got involved
15) Jefferson: Hey George, remember when you used to have to actually accomplish something to get elected to President??
Bryan Tribbett (TRIBB) Roanoke, Va.

It has taken almost 150 years to get to this point.Whats next?
Wayne Smith

Roosevelt: O.K., Where the heck is that Dominoes Pizza guy???
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

Year: 2016
Rock Band: Mount Rushmore Quartet
Hit Song: "She'll be Comin' Around the Mountain"
Joan Lux Greensboro

1.(Abe)Penny for your thoughts. (Jefferson)If I had a nickel everytime you said that!
2.(Washington)Mr Jefferson,wouldst thou please remove thine head from my shoulder. 3(.Washington)Our great nation must have quite a large treasury surplus by now!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1) George: I really wish we hadn't done Mexican for lunch.
2) George: Thomas, for the last time, GET YOUR HEAD OFF MY SHOULDER!
3) Roosevelt: Abe, Tom, Can't you two just leave me out of it and agree to disagree??
4) Roosevelt: How come the Indian gets a horse?
5) George: Man, what I wouldn't give for some chapstick.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

1.) Lincoln: So, after I catch this snipe you guys come and get me.Right?
2.)Teddy: Hey Abe,don't be so antisocial.
3.)Washington:If that eagle poops on my nose again I shall remove him as our national symbol!
4.)Washington: Don't make me come down there!
5.)Washington:As the father of the country I say it deserves a good sound spanking and no supper!
6.)Teddy:Chinese tonight?
7.)Teddy: Abe,I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable but you look really sexy when the light hits you just right.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Nice stuff

Teddy: I love you guys.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1.)Washington: Mr Roosevelt has become tiresome.Fetch Mr. Borglum and his dynamite.
2.)Jefferson: Fetch a pneumatic drill.Mr. Lincoln requests rhinoplasty.
3.)Teddy: We were lonely,it was dark. Let us not speak of the matter again.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Google mt rushmore's backside.You can see a photo of an outcropping of rock that looks just like a penis.The locals have named it clinton's rock.That is funnier than any caption I could create
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

OK, guys move over Obama's comming, he wants to be next to Abe.
Randy Payne, Greensboro

1) George: I wish you guys would learn some new jokes
2) George: Stop it Tom, You're gonna get me tickled
3) Jefferson: Geooooorgy, guess what I just did again!
4) Jefferson: 6980000000 bottles of beer on the wall........
Bryan Tribbett. Roanoke, Va.
Nice

1.) Lincoln:I never did get to see the end of that play.
2.)Lincoln: Curse my love of fine theater !!!
3.) Teddy:Have you guys seen the Clinton monument on the other side.
4.)Lincoln: It seem like four score and seven years ago since we ordered out.No tip for him!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
liked two and four, absolutely loved number one. A contender for winner in my book, but strangely, none of the other judges flagged it.

Look at George. He gets mad and turns his back on everybody.
We gotta stop going out and getting stoned.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

"From the looks of the economy, we should be Mt. Slowdown!"
Kris Voy, Trinity

George, I told you it was too early for Tina Fey's likeness.
Well, Greenspan was a good President, of sorts ....
Jon Barsanti Jr

Anne Theodore, Greensboro.
"Godspeed, Barack."

1.) Lincoln: So I says to Mary I need to see that freakin' play like I need a hole in the head!
2.) Lincoln:I hate it when the wind whistles thru my head! 3.)Washington:(snickering) What currency bears your image Mr. Roosevelt?
4.)The great men of rushmore have learned not to take life for granite.
5)Washington:I think they are starting to notice the yellow trees and giant piles of dung.
6.)Roosevelt:mmmmmmmmm doughnuts
7.)Jefferson:This view is freakin' unbelievable!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

ABE: Teddy, I promise you no one will ever come between us
George: Thomas that better be your foot.
Rick O'Reilly,Greensboro

Teddy:Gain weight? Lincoln:No, less drilling!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Jefferson: "I spy with my little eye."
Jefferson: "I spy with my little eye."
Washington: "I wish I had a nickel for every time he's said that."
Roosevelt/Jefferson/Lincoln in unison: "Which way did they go, George? Which way did they go??"
Barbara Cashman, Greensboro

" Nobody's ' King of the Mountain ' here ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" Guess Who's Coming to Dinner ? " ( says Lincoln to Others )
" Tillie, We have a Guest Coming for Thanksgiving Dinner. " ( says Lincoln to Others )
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1) Abe Lincoln: "Smile, guys. Thanks to me, we've got a new President"
2) Lincoln: "Finally! And you can thank me, Mr. Obama"
3) Penny for their thoughts!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

(Washington speaking) "I'm bored too, Abe, but after 400 ties another round of rock-scissors-paper seems pointless!"
Kevin Little
Ha

1.) Jefferson: No,no, I think that one is an alberta spruce and not a frazier fir Mr. Roosevelt.
2.)Jefferson: How many more tourists do you think we can devour before they start to take notice?
3.)Roosevelt:I can see clearly now that Spain has gone.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

(George)Oh I lived thru Valley Forge.
(Thomas)You've declared that often George!
(Teddy)Oh Abe had himself a Bull Run.
(Abe)That U.S. Grant sure could drink some rum !
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. “Hey Abe, I think we’re stoned.” (Roosevelt)
2. “I can see Russia from here.” (Jefferson)
3. “Look out, pigeons at 12 o’clock!” (Jefferson)
4. “How was I to know she was a Gorgon?” (Roosevelt)
5. "Jefferson, stop yapping about Lewis & Clark." (Washington) "Was that Jerry Lewis and the Dave Clark 5?" (Lincoln)
6. Change happens even when it's carved in stone.
Tom Norman, Greensboro

1.)Washington:Was that the McCain boy that served under me at Valley Forge?
2.) Jefferson:Young McCain was the finest page in the entire continental congress!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. Jefferson: " I see something .... blue!!
2. Lincoln to Roosevelt: "Teddy, I heard that you will be on the $3 bill!
Washington & Jefferson (in background): "Snicker, snicker"
3. Lincoln to Roosevelt: "Please Teddy, not the Charge Up San Juan Hill again!!"
4. Lincoln to group: " Hey, there is room for a skinny guy between Teddy an me!!"
5. Roosevelt to Lincoln: "We have something in common. I'm a good shot and you were shot!"
6. Roosevelt to group: "Why is my profile so low? I governed the most states and folks!"
7. Washington (reflecting): "Father of our Nation .. good. But why on the lowly $1 instead of the $100??
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

George Washington said: I never thought it would come to this.
Abe Lincoln said: If I had only known then whats happening now.
J. G. Harris, Stoneville

1. Washington: Smile guys, he has a camera
2. Washington: Hey Abe, I know who you are, but who are the other two guys?
3 Washington: Sorry you have a toothache Abe. It's tough getting a
dentist up here.
4. Abe: I don't think we have to worry about Bush's face crowding us.
5. Abe: We thought we had problems.
Dick Ellis Pleasant Garden

George: "Ever get that feeling someone's watching you?"
Thomas: "If I just stare into space, no one will smell it"
Teddy: "67 years! Burn that thing off already Abe!!!"
Abe: "Poetic, how I'm segregated isn't it"

"He won? I think I'm going to flip my whig." Washington
"Why do you think he's a bully, Teddy?" Jefferson
"I don't care if we are stuck together, I'm not supporting Proposition 8." Washington
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
I liked that last one a lot.

1.) Washington:Fetch the jackhammers and dynamite.I wish to be alone 2.)Washington:Fetch the jackhammers and dynamite. Mr. Roosevelt no longer amuses us.
3.)Washington: You down there,yes you!! Stand up straight and tuck in that shirt! Tim Tribbett,Greensboro (Ok I am done for the week)
You sure?

"Abe's friend from Easter Island wants to join us."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Lincoln: And the other Nebraska city will now be called OMAha.
R. Timmins

"Why do they call us that? We haven't moved an inch in decades!"
"Do you think it's arthritis? I can't move an inch."
"Same old faces all the time. We need a change, too."
Kris Voy, Trinity

“Hey Abe, a penny for your thoughts.”
“Hey guys I hear our postcard is outselling Stone Mountain’s by 5 to 1.”
“Hey Abe, how about an Emancipation Rocklamation?”
“This acid rain isn’t good for any of our complexions.”
“I know what they mean about solidarity now.”
“Ever since last month’s earthquake our fung swei has been off.”
“Pass the BENGAY, I feel like I’ve got a chisel in my back.”
"Want to try a Certs Teddy?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Jefferson: "Any of you guys know if they'll deliver a pizza out here?"
Jefferson: "Hey!! Let's call out for a pizza!"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

Lincoln: "I think we'd better make way for the new guy!"
Lincoln: "I heard they've been looking for some black granite to make some renovations up here... it's about time!"
Lincoln: "I heard they've had a sculptor practicing with some black granite... any of you know why?"
Lincoln: "Gosh it would be nice to have someone new to talk to."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

Washington: "Do any of you ever get the feeling that we're being watched?"
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

Lincoln: "Oh Wow, Man. I feel really Stoned."
Washington: "OK, I'll start. 'Row, row, row your boat....' "
Roosevelt to Jefferson: "OK, this time, You be Ringo."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
I really liked the last one. One of the last eliminated

Roosevelt: "You guys know that I'm FINE with the new guy coming, don't you?"
(To Tim, There you go making me actually do Research and LEARN something again!!)
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Just doing my job, Ma'm.

From Washington's mouth to Abe: “Hey Abe, how about an Emancipation Rocklamation?”
From Lincoln's mouth to Teddy: "Want to try a Certs Teddy?"
Gray Amick, Greensboro
Rocklamation? I like that.

Washington: "I sure would like to sit down for a spell."
Roosevelt: "Golly, I've been standing for so long that my legs have gone to sleep."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

Jefferson: "I wonder if there's a bathroom close by?"
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

Washington: "I sure would like to take a short nap."
Jefferson: "OK, one of you guys be on the lookout, I'm gonna take a quick shut-eye."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

Roosevelt: "You think that anyone's going to remember that 'Speak Softly and Carry A Big Stick' thing that I said?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro