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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

LAST WEEK'S CARTOON
This week’s random comments.
Yet another Tribbett popped out of the woodwork this week. I swear, those guys are as numerous as Baldwins.
The most common subjects were global warming, Frosty and the phrase “The weather outside is frightful.”
Bob Mannary graces the blog with not one, but two songs (sung badly out of key, I’m afraid.)
Kudos to many of you for thinking outside the box.

WINNER
“Police described the suspect as having a corncob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal.”
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

RUNNERS-UP
"Tonight's Top Story: Frosty blinded by rising coal prices."
Teresa Cox, High Point

“Without the converter box, next year you will only see snow on your screen. OK, never mind.”
Don Byers, Greensboro

Frosty's in the news again -- mishap taking ham out of the oven.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

…And that’s the news. Stay tuned for the new reality show “Standing in the Yard.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

"The protesters claim that life begins with the snowflake."
Deadpan

Reports say our children are obese, don't worry, the sun is coming out.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

Spring and how it may affect you. Tonight at 11.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
"In Local News...An Area Cartoonist Was Found Bludgeoned To Death This Morning In An Apparent Early Deadline Mishap. Scrawled In Ink On The Cartoonists Front Lawn Were The Words, "The Jokes On You!! We will bring you more on this story as it develops..."
Anonymous, Greensboro :-)
Sorry about that, Bob …

“The turkey from last week’s cartoon has been upgraded to stable condition.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Tim Rickard has asked Santa for a snowbunny in his stocking this year ! He says he's been good! (Just having a little fun)
Nancy Nelson
I have been good. But when I’m bad, I’m better.

BEST/WORST PUN
" Studies show that more kids are joining sleet gangs than ever before. "
Deadpan

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
"Professor Hinkle has been spotted in the city and is to be considered hatless."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
My favorite in this category

Our investigative reporter has discovered that Burl Ives was not a real snowman.Holly jolly indeed!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Bill Watterson was arrested today for the decapitation and mutilation of hundreds of snowmen.
And
Astonishingly a small boy named Calvin stands accused of the of the biggest snowman killing spree in modern times.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

“I’m Frosty the Snowman and you’re not.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

"Once the man was revived he shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
Deadpan

MATURE
"Local Man Falls In Snow Blower and Dies With A Smile..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

And next, the connection between vasectomies and snowballs.
Fran Freeman, Greensboro

"Yellow Snowmen will be protesting for full public acceptation this evening". " Their leader says they are really pissed off!"
"Snow women are protesting the unchecked liberties being taken with their anatomies!"
"This station goes on record as being against the use of icicles to augment snowmen"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

The new gang is dubbed “the yellow spotters”, and have left their mark on snowmen across the country
Grady, Greensboro

“Scientists are now claiming it is unsafe to circumcise using an ice cream scooper.”
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

“Traces of yellow snow have been found in area snow cream, please discard.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

BEST POEM
Rickard The Mad Cartoonist
BWAH-HA-HA-HA
(Sung To The Tune Of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer)

Rickard The Mad Cartoonist....
Had A Weekly Cartoon Show...
And If You Ever Read It...
You Would Be The First To Know...

That Some Of The Weekly Entries...
Some Of Them All Sound The Same...
Some Of Them Make You Giggle...
And Some Of Them Are Quite Insane!

But On A Chilly Thursday Eve...
Santa Came To Say...
"Rickard With Your Cartoon Might...
Make This Contest Out Of Site!"

Then All The Locals Loved Him...
And The Shouted Out WooHoo!!
Rickard The Mad Cartoonist...
This Week The Joke Will Be On You!!
Santa Claus, North Pole

Jokes On You!
(sung To The Tune Of Jingle Bells)

Sorting Through eMail...
With Cartoon Pen In Hand...
Searching High And Low...
For The Best Gag In The Land.
He's Got This Weekly Thing...
This Thing He Likes To Do...
A Weekly Little Cartoon Gig...
It's called The Jokes On You!

Oh, Jokes On You, Jokes On You,
Whatcha Gonna Do?
When Rickard And His Cartoon Men,
Post One Just For You?
Oh, Jokes On You, Jokes On You,
Whatcha Gonna Do?
When The Comic Has No Words To Read,
He Leaves It Up To You!

A Day Or Two Ago,
I Started On This Song,
It Kinda Hit A Snag,
And Didn't Move Along.
I Cracked Open A Brew,
Well...Maybe Just A Few,
A Sat Down At My Keyboard,
And Wrote This Just For You.

Oh, Jokes On You, Jokes On You,
Whatcha Gonna Do?
When Rickard And His Cartoon Men,
Post One Just For You?
Oh, Jokes On You, Jokes On You,
Whatcha Gonna Do?
When The Comic Has No Words To Read,
The Punch-line's Up To You!
Bob (Santa Clause) Mannary

THE REST
1.)Today,global warming and how it can help you shed those unwanted holiday pounds
2.)Today's news is global warming. Great way to lose weight or slow ride to oblivion?
3.) There has been a wave of magic hat thefts in the triad area.
4.)Today,how a trip to the piece goods store can lead to a whole new you.
5.) The forcast for today is a balmy 45 degrees degrees so get those freezers ready.
1.)Carrots or buttons,the debate continues!
2.)The global credit freeze,a good thing?
3.)Spring and how it may affect you.Tonight at 11.
4.)In today's news corn cob pipe smoking is on the rise among teen snow people.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Good stuff. As always.

And now for the weather--Another gorgeous day! Blizzard conditions, -39 degrees, with a chill factor that'll make it feel like -60!
It's so cold my nose froze off!
Ken Layton, Carthage
The first one got a vote from one of our judges.

1. Snow news is good news!
2. The weather outside is frightful!
3. Global warming has melted the polar cap!
4. Breaking news, Frosty has died.
5. President-elect Frosty has succumbed to heat exhaustion.
6. Be prepared for the impending heat wave, get plenty of dry ice and make sure your freezers are in good working order !
Nancy Nelson
I liked number two. But it really needed something else and several other people did the same thing.

"In Local News...An Area Cartoonist Was Found Bludgeoned To Death This Morning In An Apparent Early Deadline Mishap. Scrawled In Ink On The Cartoonists Front Lawn Were The Words, "The Jokes On You!! We will bring you more on this story as it develops..."
Anonymous, Greensboro :-)

"In other news, Frosty the Snowman melted away yesterday."
Jason Suttles, Trinity

7. In the financial news, Wall Street is getting a little flaky!
8. Due to the housing crisis the market value of igloos is declining rapidly!
9. Our snow banks are being bailed out.
10. Who needs autos anyway that's what feet are for! 1
1. It looks like there are plenty of newly elected flakes to run goverment!
12. Put that remote down, I need this job!
Nancy Nelson
Number nine was promising. But needed to be just a little more news-casty.

" Analysts say the world's credit freeze is affecting most everyone in today's economy!"
Alex Potter, Greensboro

"Next of kin sues local hot tub distributor---"
"Coal shortage causes layoffs at optometrist's offices statewide---"
Kevin Little
Nice.

13. It's getting hot in here!
14. The latest in extreme sports is snowball rolling!
15. On the job front, The Winter Olympics is looking for torch carriers!
17. With the food costs skyrocketing more people are eating snow cream!
18. More and more kids are staying in and making their snow people online!
19. With the demise of the Polar Bear, Snowpeople are now listed as endangered!
20. Please stop referring to me as the abominal snowman!
21. The News & Record wants help designing some gift wrap paper!
22. Dr. Mel is now turning living things into food?!
23. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!
24. Santa's been spotted taken a last minute trip to the Bahamas!
25. The lastest advice is to pay in cash and lay those gifts away. How is that going to help!
26. Yeti, yeti, yeti!
27. Jordon Lake is frozen solid, time to bring out those snow skis!
Nancy Nelson

"Tonight's Top Story: Frosty blinded by rising coal prices".
Teresa Cox, High Point

1.) Tonight at 11, yellow snow and why you should avoid it.
2.)Tonight,an inside look at teen snowpeople and their corn cob pipes. Just what ARE they smoking?
3.)Our own Suzie Snowcone with a look at weight gain due to heavy snowfalls.
4.) There has been a sharp increase in blow dryer related homicides.
5.)The rise in heating costs has sparked an increase in the theft of eye coal.
6.)In today's fashion news,top hats and scarfs are still trendy.
7.) In today's news Al Sharpton has urged a boycott of snowmen citing a lack of diversity.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Good stuff

No snow in the forecast -- we can grill out tomorrow!
Frosty's in the news again -- mishap taking ham out of the oven.
Another global warming report -- "Population control, pure and simple."
Now that's a well-dressed newscaster.
That newscaster has a button nose just like my wife!
I don't think this newscaster will be around in August.
Love the news from Alaska.
That newscaster must shop at the clothing store where I shop.
Joan Lux , Greensboro
Some thinking outside the box this week, Joan. And it paid off.

1.)Tonight we look at snow cones.Cannabalism or just good fun?
2.)Tonight's focus is snow angels.Divine sign or hoax?
3.)There has been a recall on all imported chinese carrots.
4.) Electronics store Best Buy has agreed to lower store temperatures to keep snow shoppers from melting.
5.)Dirty slush and how to stop it.
1.)Two identical snowflakes have been discovered for the first time!
2.)Our investigative reporter has discovered that Burl Ives was not a real snowman.Holly jolly indeed! 3.)Frosty,fun cartoon or insulting stereotype. Report at 11.
4.)Fatal blows,our look at blow dryer related homicides
5.)A snowman has been reported missing from a Royal Carribean cruise ship. Authorities are baffled.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
One of our judges really liked number one.

28. Tim Rickard has asked Santa for a snowbunny in his stocking this year ! He says he's been good!
29. In the fashion industry, top hats are out, hunter caps are in!
Nancy Nelson

1.)Bill Watterson was arrested today for the decapitation and mutilation of hundreds of snowmen.
2.)Our report today will be in three segments,each smaller than the last.
3.)And now a report from Frosty, our foreign correspondent in the deserts of Iraq. Frosty? Frosty?Uh oh!
4.) Doctors report that thumpetty,thump,thump could indicate a dangerous heart arrhythmia in snowmen. 5.)Next,how to keep rabbits from nibbling your nose.
6.)Astonishingly a small boy named Calvin stands accused of the of the biggest snowman killing spree in modern times.
7.)The late Frosty's remains will be on view in a 5 gallon bucket this sunday.
8.)And now we switch live to Frosty at the Vegas furniture market.UH OH Why is his hat in that puddle?!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I liked number 2. made me smile. We all liked number 7.

Police described the suspect as having a corncob pipe, a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

1.) Doctors are advising all snowpeople to severely restrict their salt intake.
2.)In the news another lawsuit for McDonalds involving hot coffee.
3) The CSI team has identified the flakes on the crime scene as belonging to a local snowman .
4.) Relatives of the deceased elderly snowman have testified that his young spouse was a coal digger.
5)The following schools will be closed in anticipation of warm dry weather.
6.)Doctors are advising against overmedicating young snowboys with drifting minds.
We would like to remind all non snowpeople that it's legal to have a frosty drink but highly illegal to drink Frosty.(Trying to think outside the box here)
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
I loved number 5.

"In bad news, a strong warm front is moving in from the south."
"This just in, carrot noses can cause cancer in snowmen."
"A scene from the snowman retirement home."
"The weather outside is frightful, but be careful, the fire is not delightful!"
"The busride to the Packers game will leave at 8am. The gametime temperature is expected to be a balmy 20 degrees below zero!"
"Unfortunately, the new administration is not open to one of our representatives serving on the cabinet."
"Global warming is my chief concern, if elected I will work toward global cooling."
"In the news, a new theory about global warming is that snowmen by the millions are being housed inside and raising the temperature daily."
"In a move by the United Order of Snowmen, the National Hockey League will be allowed to use 'snowman' in the names of hockey teams."
"A snowman would make a perfect astronaut - suited for the frigid temperatures of outer space."
"Hey Marge! Do we get anything besides this Snowman Network?"
"When I get home from a day out in cold, nothing is better than parking my bottom ball on the recliner and watching Frosty do the news!"
"With these crummy wooden arms, I can't pick up the popcorn or work the remote!"
Rob Black, High Point
Liked the snowman network, but the wrong guy is talking

"Yes, I'd like to be out of my gourd."
Andrew Marshall, Summerfield

A snowboy has become lost in the current blizzard. Authorities can find no trail of little Mark.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Darn, still to much snow! let me try another channel.
Dean Tribbett, Virginia Beach, Va.
Welcome, Dean. Great caption, but wrong guy is talking.

BugsBunny,clever rabbit or nose devouring psychopath.Film at 11.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"As you head out in the morning, be careful on those salty overpasses."
"We encourage everyone to stay off the roads and sidewalks."
"We expect a significant population increase in the next day or two."
"We're expecting 6-8 inches of snow.great weather for you couch potatoes to get back in shape!"
"We're expecting 6-8 inches of snow.great weather to get back in shape!"
"Exclusive at Eleven: Baby-making Gone Wild!"
Marsha Elam, Greensboro
The population-extra snow connection was interesting. But needed different wording.

"Polls show that the words "Jolly" and "Happy" are out this holiday season"
"Tonight at 8 we explore "Silk Hats, Magic or Myth?"
"Our lead story. Global warning continues to take a grim toll on us"
"A coal shortage will limit the building of genuine snowmen this season"
"A local snowman was pulverized by a runaway snow blower!"
" and snowmen with legs may be in our future!"
"Try Artic Deep Freeze Villages for you summer home!"
"Tonight at 9 Father Flake examines "Snowmen and Reincarnation""
"Snowmen to Snow Cones". NEWS will examine this alarming practice at 7"
"Studies show that road salt is the leading cause of early snowman melt away!"
"Snowmen United is suing EPA to band road salt"
"Yellow Snowmen will be protesting for full public acceptation this evening". " Their leader says they are really pissed off!"
"Snow women are protesting the unchecked liberties being taken with their anatomies!"
"This station goes on record as being against the use of icicles to augment snowmen"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1-This news item reveals that much body heat escapes via the head. So wear a hat.
2-Lots of snowperson's noses contain vitamin A.
3-Letterman's studio is cold? He should be in here!
4-Be sure to eat WHITE popcorn for your complexion.
5-Next in sports: ice hockey scores.
6-Eyewitnesses say the brave hero was cool under pressure: he had ice water in his veins.
Max Harless, High Point

" Some Chilling News just Blew In "
"Here's the Hard Cold Facts ! "
" Freeze that Remote ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"This just in: There is a coal shortage causing a run on real buttons."
"Frosty just revealed his new parsnip nose, causing a run on parsnips"
"Weather Alert: Aslan has returned - prepare for an early thaw." The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe
"Global warming is causing a run on air-conditioners for igloos - news at 11."
"Will President Elect Obama where a Top Hat at the Inauguration? Text your vote to 1600."
Surgeon General adds warning to those who enjoy smoking corn cob pipes while having a face made of coal
Michael Jackson's new nose is made of coal - news at 11
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

1) Global warming is now the leading cause for snowman deaths in the US.
2) As you can see, 4 snowmen were trapped in a blizzard yesterday
3) If you have any information about the drive by hair dryer attacks, please call the station
4) In a recent study, "tanning" is the #1 cause of death in snowmen
5) The new gang is dubbed "the yellow spotters", and have left their mark on snowmen across the country
6) A recent poll shows 98% of you still believe top hats and scarves are the style to wear this season
7) To repeat, the term is now snowpersons, due to a recent discrimination lawsuit
8) Snow donors are being asked to help the less fortunate living in warmer climates this holiday season
Grady, Greensboro
Liked number eight

Frosty the snowman was tragically melted today, when his Army-issuedflamethrower backfired.
J. C. Winkler, Asheboro

30. With this blizzard, I sure would like to be inside eating popcorn and flipping the TV remote!
31. With our food price crisis all carrotnoses should be on alert! 11. It looks like there are plenty of newly elected flakes to run the government!
32. Children there will be no school tomorrow, that means you have extra time to finish that report on Iceland! 34. I'm melting, I'm melting!
35. These lights are murder!
36. Doctors are saying melting a few of those extra pounds is beneficial for our health!
Nancy Nelson

"Bus and juice truck collide---no survivors but city now boasts Guiness record for world's largest snowcone!"
Kevin Little

"This just in.Frosty admitted to local mental health facility after complete meltdown."
"In closing we'd like to give a shout out to a special friend, Al Gore."
"Some may find photos from our next story unsuitable for small children: The Spring Thaw."
"Today saw a chilling drop in the market, more salaries frozen, and CEO's walking on thin ice."
"Frosty the Snowman was cut today from Dancing with the Stars after apparently losing his silk hat."
"Without the converter box, next year you will only see snow on your screen. OK, never mind."
"Stay tuned after the news for tonight's feature movie, The Big Chill."
"Good news for those cutting back, due to the economy. Silk hats and red scarves continue in next year's fashion trends."
"It's looking like global warming initiatives have a snowball's chance in hell of passing this year."
Don Byers, Greensboro

This is a photo of the valuable snowman in a blizzard painting that was stolen in the recent art heist.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Snowman anchor: "Up next, Global warming...New diet fad or Conspiracy population control?"
Walter J Moyer, Graham
Good.

1) When asked what he’d been doing all these years, Frosty replied “Just chillin’.”
2) “For the last time, I don’t have any news! Those kids just thought I looked cool holding this piece of paper.”
3) “The sun was asked to comment about the class action lawsuit, but our reporter disappeared.”
4) …And that’s the news. Stay tuned for the new reality show “Standing in the Yard”.
Tom Norman, Greensboro
We also liked number 2

"The little girl described her attacker as having 'a corncob pipe, a button nose, and two beady, evil eyes made out of coal.' "
"Tonight's weather forecast: 100% chance of golden showers in Frosty's bedroom."
"Police found the bodies of Frosty and Snow White in a dingy hotel room, dead of an apparent murder-suicide."
"According to family members, Frosty's dying wish was to spend eternity with his boyhood idol, Ted Williams."
"Frosty is accused of enticing the little boys and girls with the phrase, 'Hey kids, check out these snowballs!' "
"Al Gore is blaming the frigid temperatures on what he now calls 'globalcooling' "
"Scientists are now claiming it is unsafe to circumcise using an ice cream scooper."
"In stunning political news, newly elected President Obama has banned all playing of the song 'White Christmas'."
"Human rights groups are deeming the warnings against eating yellow snow as being 'highly racist' "
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

" Expect SNOW during Analog / Digital Period ! "
" Analog-to-Digital may bring SNOW ! "
" Could get SNOW in Analog / Digital Change ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington
On the right track with number one, but phrasing is important.

"For the third time this year, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer has checked himself into rehab for alcohol abuse."
"Santa Claus continues to claim that Mrs. Claus' bruises were the result of 'an unfortunate accident.' "
"I'm Frosty the Snowman and you're not."
"And now back to your program, 'Eskimo Women Gone Wild'."
"Tonight at 11: How to protect your private parts against frostbite."
"As another sign of the failing economy, Santa's Workshop is asking Congress for a bailout."
Bob Beitzel, Pleasant Garden

1. Reports say our children are obese, don't worry, the sun is coming out.
2. Frostie has been admitted to the ER as a crow stole his nose.
3. Police arrested Frostie with stolen carrots under his hat
4. I am sorry to report that Friday will be sunny and in the 60s.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"The only chill that'll stick around this season is the credit freeze."
Kris Voy, Trinity

Looks like we shop at the same clothing store.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

Doctors are warning all snowpeople to eat unsalted popcorn only!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Another prominent snowbank collapsed today despite government intervention.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

We could be twins . . . except for the nose.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

37. Winter advisory: Be on the alert, snowman hunters have been spotted in NC!
38. Cold fusion is confusing to me!
39. It says we'll all be eating cold turkey this week!
40. The reason you don't see a pipe, I quit cold turkey!
42. My girlfriend gave me the cold shoulder yesterday and it still stings!
Nancy Nelson

"To repeat. Acme popcorn is being recalled because of high levels of rock salt."
"Professor Hinkle has been spotted in the city and is to be considered hatless."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Pardon me for freezing on camera."
"The assailant was of wintry mix descent and was last seen drinking a Slushy."
"The turkey from last week's cartoon has been upgraded to stable condition."
"If your reception is clear, crisp and without snow we apologize."
"Our top story, a 'Rock Salt Warning' has been posted for the entire viewing area until 8 am tomorrow."
"Traces of yellow snow have been found in area snow cream, please discard."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Firemen suspect a non-faulty space heater."
"The incident took place in the tanning salon but so far, no body has been found."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"The suspect told police that she is as pure as the new-driven snow."
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Frozen but alive, doctors now worry that he may gain two toes."
"We have an amber alert. Last seen in a cumulonimbus moving west."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the first one. Weird.

"A family of four was lost today when they were tragically built on the sunny side of the street."
" This just in... The President has been melted."
" Our sports reporter was lost today while covering beach volleyball."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Loved the first one. It lost out on runners-up simply because it didn’t fit the last space available, while its closest competitor did.

1) " This just in........ the weather outside is frightful. "
2) " The button-nosed candidate promised to work across the aisle with the carrot-nosed party. "
3) " With the temperature at a balmy 33 degrees, we advise everyone to travel only if necessary."
4) " A family traveling to Florida has disappeared without a trace. "
5) " It was first thought that it was murder, but it turns out somebody had turned the heat up. "
6) " Once the man was revived he shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY . "
7) " Reindeer and sleigh tracks were found near the body. "
8) " They lost both parents to last weeks warm front. "
9) " We now have proof of life after winter. "
10) " We don't recommend any long term investments. "
11) " He leaves behind 3 young snowballs. "
12) " The protesters claim that life begins with the snowflake. "
13) " The crowd held signs that said " SNOWBALL FIGHTS ARE MURDER " .
14) " Studies show that more kids are joining sleet gangs than ever before. "
15) " Once again our lead story is Global Warming. "
Deadpan
Number three was good.

"Today, anti-cloning mobs attacked area ski resorts."
"Thankfully, his arm was re-attached in a successful twenty second operation."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
Liked the arm one, but it needed a bit more exposition

Santa was arrested today for illegally spying on millions of children.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Travel news -- Special holiday rates at the Witch's Broomhandle Nudist Colony.
Population decrease -- not global warming . . . Southerners' love of snowcream.
In this charitable season, consider donating your eyes to the Dept. of Energy.
Now a word from our sponsor -- Sno-White Cleaners.
Local news -- Opening his Christmas stocking, mean little Frosty, Jr., said, "How many more eyes do I need?"
Now the news -- no bailout for the Igloo Bank.
Firemen rescued Frosty, thanks to a clogged shower drain.
A public service announcement -- weatherproof your home before hot weather gets here.
The weather outside's delightful, but the fire inside is frightful.
And a big sale on hats and scarves at the local thrift store.
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"Due to my tendency to freeze on camera, this will be my last broadcast."
"...fortunately there were no injuries in the snow plow protest this morning."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

43. And to all a good night!
Nancy Nelson

"What to know before eating snow cream...details at 11."
"A recent study at North Pole University indicates that popcorn causes impotence..."
"Doctors recommend immediate attention should they appear blue in color or appear smaller than usual..."
"Local Man Falls In Snow Blower and Dies With A Smile..."
Bob Mannary, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER
This week’s winner? Well, lets just say after reading a few hundred entries, you learn to appreciate something short and pithy. Too many captions, even though they were good, all carried about the same weight with our judges. The winner kinda stood out and was different.
You guys must really be environmentally conscious based on the more-than-average number of entries we received. Some of you are so into the environment, you even sent in recycled jokes (bah-dum-DAH!)
All kidding aside, you guys did a great job with a very limited theme. I think you covered every conceivable angle.
Oh, and there's a personal note in the comments.

WINNER
"Freak!"
Sarah Luck, Norfolk VA.
Really fit the bulb's expression. Seems like a legitamate and typical response to anything new that challenges old assumptions.

RUNNERS-UP
You're a disgrace to the family!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

I think you need a good chiropractor.
Ken Layton, Carthage

“That wasn’t your online profile picture!”
Grady, Greensboro

Feel like turning on some time TODAY your majesty!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Where were you invented, Dairy Queen?!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

”You’re taking this yoga thing way too far!”
Dave Tolton, Greensboro

I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big bulbed!
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

Incandescent was good enough for for me and my father - it should be good enough for you.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

BEST CAPTIONS TO OBVIOUSLY THE WRONG CARTOON (superman?)
“Oh, Bill’s attitude has just gotten worse, Edna. Now he even dresses sarcastically.”
“Sure, I know it’s just a phase, but the worst part is when we’re in bed and he yells ‘up, up and away…’”
“I don’t know, Edna, I guess this is what I get for having high expectations…”
“No, No, Doctor, nothing unusual to eat… although I did try that new gravy thickener last night…. Krypto-something…”
“Honestly Edna I couldn’t care less that Clark’s taking some time off from work… he’s still his old self in bed…”
Kevin Gillette

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Kinda light (no pun intended) in this category this week
Whrer do I put the coin to get a gumball?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
(I like these as captions too, but they’re too “inside the beltway”)

How many cartoonists did it take to screw you in?
(Tim, did you help!) Nancy Nelson

“How many JOY captioners does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

I also like …Mr. Rickard! The new bulb is picking on me again!
Theoretically ,it's MY job to appear over Rickard's head if he EVER gets a great idea!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Hey, if I ever got any ideas I wouldn’t need to solicit cartoon themes from readers.

BEST/WORST PUN
Goes to everyone who used the term “watt” instead of “what.”

Oh, yeah? You're not brighter than me; that's just a filament of your imagination.
Barb Purdie, High Point

"You're under arrest----for incandescent exposure!"
Kevin Little

MATURE
Don't you EVER refer to me as a BILF again!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Unscrew you!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

Go screw yourself pal!!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You may last longer, but it takes you a long time to get turned on"
Robert Summey, Greensboro

THE REST
1.)What do you mean old timer?!
2.)You turn on about as fast as an old dude with no viagra!
3.) At least they don't have to dispose of me like toxic waste!
4.)Holy freakin' crap! Would you turn on already!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
liked number 4

1.)You're kind of a dim bulb there pal.
2.)Don't you get any toxic mercury on me!
3.) You twisted freak!
4.)Light travels at 186,000 miles per second and that"s the fastest you can turn on!?
4.) Aaaah he's got a crack! Call poison control and air out the room!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
liked number 4 again

"You don't look green"
Greg Elmore

1. What do you mean I'm being replaced?
2. I see you're using your curves to take my job.
3. You won't fit in everywhere!
4. Dim-wit!
5. Dim-lit!
6. You and your new-fangled ideas!
7. I may be old-fashioned but I sure am brighter!
8. Don't tell me to move over and make room for you!
9. I'll show you who'll last longer!
10. This is depressing!
11. Don't tell me you're going to light up my life!
12. How much time do I have left!
13. I'm about to become unscrewed!
14. You're screwing everything up.
15. You young whipper snapper, don't roll those eyes at me.
Nancy Nelson

And I don't give a watt if Pricey Harrison IS your friend.
Are you supposed to be screwed up or screwed down?
I prefer a glowworm.
You have cute curves, but I still think you're dangerous!
Joan Lux Greensboro

" You trying to steal my job with those curves ? "
" Missy, spell image and say light bulb, that's me shining bright ! "
( I Am A GE Light Bulb )
" Save those curves for your night life, please ! "
" I am not out of shape ! "
" It doesn't take a genius to FIGURE why you are replacing me ! "
" You trying to snake my job ? "
" No ! I can't do the twist ! "
" You're having twisted thoughts ! "
" Trying to screw me out of my job ? "
" You're screwing my livelihood ! "
"You should go work at a barber pole ! "
" Why don't you go work in a barber pole ? "
" You're built more for barber pole work ! "
" Who said you're the answer to spiraling costs ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Sex? How bright you are!
Glenda Layton, Carthage

Are you some kind of Indian fakir?
Ken Layton, Carthage

Do you twist your bottom into a socket, too?
Ken Layton, Carthage

I think you need a good chiropractor.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Just because you GOT a permanent doesn't mean you ARE permanent"
no name given

15. I'm not going down without a fight!
16. You may be fancy but you're not very bright!
17. Who's bright idea was this?!
18. What do mean they're downsizing?
19. My job has been eliminated!
20. I see retirement in my near future!
21. I'm not old enough to retire!
22. I'll lose all my benefits if I get unscrewed!
23. I'm screwed in so tight they'll have to break me to get rid of me!
Nancy Nelson

You are so twisted!
Bob Jarrell, Greensboro

yea yea yea i m tried of hearing about your new diet...
Larry Thomas
Nice

Well, you've screwed me out of my job!
Susan Snyder, Greensboro

THOMAS EDISON SHOULD SEE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU
David Jones, Greensboro

What do you mean you want to procreate with the "brightest bulb on the Christmas tree"? What, do you think that will make you become brighter more quickly? You are so twisted!
Deborah Stanton, Greensboro

You may be cute, but you aren't the brightest bulb on the porch.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

I dont care how cool you look or how bright you get or how much you lower light bills ......I'm stil better!!!!!
Brian Staples, Greensboro

"YOU WIMP! I TOLD YOU IF YOU STUCK TO THAT LOW KILOWATT HOUR DIET YOU'D SHRIVEL UP!"
Bill Rogers

Don't get bent out of shape about conservation.
James Durham-Greensboro, NC

"You think you're brighter than me?"
"You think you're hot stuff, don't you?"
"Fluorescent is for wimps!"
"Is this a joke, you look like an icecream cone!"
"How many wimps did it take to screw you in?!"
"If you pop into someone's head, their mind is twisted."
"Where were you invented, Dairy Queen?!"
"Whose bright idea were you, Ben and Jerry's?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

24. I hope you have a blow out!
25. Twist and shout, I'll take you out!
26. I'll give you a blackout!
27. I have an idea, why don't you go for a swim!
28. Break dance for me baby!
29. Just because you're an Energy Star does mean you have to be so uppidty!
Nancy Nelson
Liked 29.

"Unscrew you!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

"You may last longer, but it takes you a long time to get turned on"
Robert Summey, Greensboro

"Hey!? You're really twisted to tell a Pollock joke like that!"
Christian Pike, Siler City

And who's bright idea are you?
Kevin Smith, High Point

You guys think your brighter than the average bulb.
Allison Smith, High Point

Now thats just too kinky, you won't get turned on looking like that!
Jay Allen Boomer, Gibsonville

"You are twisted."
Terry Lambert, Greensboro

"Well, at least they don't have to send the Toxic Squad out when I break"
Joyce Spangler,Greensboro

"Honey, I don't like your new outfit!"
Debra B. Wood, Greensboro
Nice

Watts the reason you're so popular?
Tom Sandin, Greeensboro

Go screw yourself pal!!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You may require less energy, Young Lady, but staying ON all night is unacceptable..You're grounded!
George Edmunds, Greensboro

"I don't care what the other kids are wearing - no daughter of mine is going out looking like that!"
Karen Price, McLeansville

" Who you telling to shape up or ship out ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"That's what you get for playing Twister all night."
"How in the heck did you get a tapeworm?"
"For Pete's sake...do you have gas?"
"What do you mean 'don't tread on me'."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

" Please don't let a little juice separate us ! "
" I need more juice to keep up with you ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You're naked, cover -up!
Mary Williams, Lexington

There's no need to get bent out of shape!
Sandy Mendenhall, Greensboro

There's no need to get bent out of shape.
Sandy Mendenhall, Greensboro

1) What do you mean it only takes 2 flies to screw in a light bulb???? (think about it)
I'm really having a hard time with these last 2. I don't see how you do it every day.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
There are a lot of people who would say I don’t.

1)You designer bulbs think you are brighter tha the rest of us.
2) I am just an old fashion kind of bulb.
3) Watts up?
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"You're taking this yoga thing way too far!"
Dave Tolton, Greensboro

"You're spending money for a personal trainer to look like that?"
Denise Tolton, Greensboro

"You're under arrest----for incandescent exposure!"
Kevin Little

I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big bulbed!
Or...
I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big boned!
Either one works, but I lik the first one better since bulbs don't have bones...
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

I do not have a ghetto booty!
2.)When people get an idea you don't see a little spiral above their heads now do you?!
3.) You screw in one turn at a time just like everyone else pal!!!
4.) Why don't you go save the whales or something!!
5.) I did not cause global warming!
6.)Oh yeah? Your buddy in the trash said he would last 7 years too!
7.) CFL? You don't play football ya fibber!
8.)Cover yourself up pervert!
9.)Edison! That name mean anything to you pal?!
10.) You know what else gives off a lot of heat? The sun that's what!!
11.) Are you modern art or a light bulb?!
12.) I am not a dime a dozen!
13.)You're just a fad like those new fangled horseless carriages!
4.)Who designed you? Andy Warhol?!
15.) You don't even have a filament!
16.) Why don't you go poison a fish or something!
17.) Hey Mr. mercury why don't you go and take a temperature where the sun don't shine!
18.) I am not a wasteful inefficient relic!
19.)You're not exactly at full brightness are ya pal?!
20.) For what you cost you should be full of gold not mercury!
21.) How many global warming activists does it take to screw in a light bulb?!
22.)Tungsten?What's wrong with tungsten?!
23.)How many EPA agents does it take to screw you in?!
24.) No,I do not want to hear about how much energy you save again!
25.) I hope I burn out soon so I don't have to listen to this smug self righteous %$#*&%$ anymore!!!
26.)Well,there goes the neighborhood!
27.)Oh yeah,the way I see it we're both screwed!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
My favorites were 23-24-25

"You have a twisted sense of humor."
"It's just watt-er weight."
"How do you know that the Slinky is the father?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Don't you EVER refer to me as a BILF again!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Watt are you smirking about?"
"Watt are you staring at?"
"You think you're so cool..."
"You last longer, but I've always been brighter than you!"
"Your prettier, but I'm brighter than you!"
"Sure, youngster, I looked clean and bright when I was just out of the box!"
"Just out of the box and you think you're the brightest!"
"What do you mean, 'Who was Thomas Edison?"
Rob Black, High Point

30. Watts' up?! or 31. Watt up?!
32. It's not fair they made you low wattage and curvy too!
33. It's NOT time for a change!
34. Times they are a changing!
35. Energy Star Light, Engery Star Bright!
36. Blackouts can be fun!
37. Your filament is showing!
38. I wish they'd stop flippering that switch!
39. On off, on off!
40. You have an electric personality, NOT!
41. My wiring is coming unglued!
41. I'm all wired up!
42. Are you my backup?(I liked all the captions this past week! Some good ones didn't make it though!)
Nancy Nelson
I agree. That's true this week too.

"I warned you about fooling around with those neon floosies in that 'Freak Circus' sign!"
D.R. Gunn, Madison

Oh yea, well I may be more expensive to operate and I may not last as long, but at least I don't look like a Slinky!
Dean Tribbett - Virginia Beach VA
Hey, you need to put something on, you may scare the children!
Dean Tribbett, Virginia Beach Va

43. Lights out!
44. I can feel my light going out!
45. My light's over!
46. Beam me up!
47. I'm shocked!
48.This news is shocking!
49. Give me a break!
50. How many ... did it take to screw you in?
51. How many cartoonists did it take to screw you in?
(Tim, did you help!) Nancy Nelson

1.) Why don't you go blow a fuse!!!
2.) Enough with the abuse!! I'm outta here...uh a little help please!
3.)Someone unscrew me so I can kick his self righteous glass!
4.) What do you mean you don't do dimmer switches!
5.) I guess I'm just SOOO lucky to be in the presence of such greatness!!
6.) Who are you calling cheap!!!
7.)When you've been around for about a century THEN you can criticize me!!!
8.)Why don't you go save a polar icecap or something!!
9.)Feel like turning on some time TODAY your majesty! 10.) YOU DIMBULB!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(Boy,that is one angry looking light bulb ya got there Tim)
I thought your captions did a good job of matching his expression

So you're the young bright new whipper snapper I keep hearing about?
Randy Payne, Greensboro

1.)You keep talkin bout my momma like that and I'll pop a cap in your glass!
2.)Oh yes,PLEASE tell me how much energy you save yet AGAIN!!!
3.) I don't care what you're feeling, I ain't giving you any sexual healing!
4.)What do you mean junk in my trunk!
5.) Mr. Rickard! The new bulb is picking on me again!
6.) Theoretically ,it's MY job to appear over Rickard's head if he EVER gets a great idea!
7.)Stop touching me! He's touching me again!
8.) I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

So, you're green, huh? You look pretty white to me!
Annie S., Greensboro

"Freak!"
Sarah Luck - Norfolk VA

1)Watt's your problem?
2) You're a disgrace to the family!
3) It's those late hours you've been keeping!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

52. I can see, you're already twisted!
29. Just because you're an Energy Star doesn't mean you have to be so uppidty!
35. Energy Star Light, Energy Star Bright! (Sorry my spelling is horrible)
Nancy Nelson

"So how long before you can wash that out?"
"For the last time, your father was not a Slinky."
"Looks like someone is having a bad filament day."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

My goodness, what would Edison think of you.?
Man you are really screwed up.
Wayne Smith

You think you're so bright
Jane Norman, Greensboro

"You're so twisted."
You like that pretzel logic
Incandescent was good enough for for me and my father - it should be good enough for you.
Oh, sure - Just because Pricey Harrison likes you you think you are special ...
Like we will ever see an idea CFL over a person's head in the comics
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"You might save a lot of energy, but your still ugly as homemade sin".
Jim Almon, Greensboro

" Who said I was Power Hungry ? "
" Did you say I was Power Hungry ? "
" Who told you I was Power Hungry ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

"What do you mean I don't last long enough?"
Submitted by Gail Webster, Jamestown

You can go round and round on the issue, but the truth is we're both screwed.
Barb Purdie, High point

Oh, yeah? You're not brighter than me; that's just a filament of your imagination.
Barb Purdie, High Point

1) "I used to be that flexible back in the day!"
2) "It's just holiday weight!"
3) "Back in my day, 60 Watts was cool!"
4) "Is this how we raised you??"
5) "I don't care if 'everyone else is doing it'!"
6) ".eHarmony is way off base this time."
7) "That wasn't your online profile picture!"
8) "Do you kids even know what a filament is?"
9) "Light a match will ya, that gas smells horrible"
10) "Oh great, there goes the neighborhood."
11) "Borrow a ballast? What the heck is that?"
12) "Unbelievable! Do I at least get severance pay?"
Grady, Greensboro
Quite a few of these made the short list. Good work.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN " AM I A/C OR D/C " ??
RC SAUNDERS, MADISON

They're clapping for me, not you ! It turns me on !
Go find your own corner to brighten !
What do you mean lighten up on the juice ?
You need to work in a Winery !
I don't know What's Watt anymore !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Son, Duke Energy will not give you a job with a haircut like that. You kids!
Leo Rideaux, Greensoro

53. You're such a light weight!
54. Light on, light off!
55. You're so transparent!
Nancy Nelson

"O.K, you were playing with a Slinky and then what happened?"
"For gosh sakes Harold, put a shade on."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

A light bulb? You look more like a fat cork screw.
How do you know which end goes in the socket?
Don Rankin, Greensboro

" I may not be the brightest bulb but at least my intestines aren't showing."
"What have you done with my wife?!"
"Who are you calling incandescent?!"
"Your intestines are showing."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1) " At least I don't have gas ! "
2) " It's to bad that Al Gore doesn't have an off switch. "
3) " You'd have to wear a sweater just to attract a moth to you. "
4) " I think they screwed you in backwards. "
5) " If you MUST know, it took three guys ! "
6) " Thanks to you I'm being transferred to the easy bake oven ! "
7) " I can't believe you are going to out live me. "
8) " What are you talking about ? I don't even know a polish guy. "
9) " Take a hike treehugger ! "
10) " Wait till the union hears about this. "
11) " How many environmentalist does it take to screw you in ? "
12) " Somebody need to put a shade on this guy ! "
13) " You're not going anywhere looking like that ! "
14) " Compact-Fluorescent-Energy-Efficient-Light Bulbs ? I'm just gonna call you Curly ! "
15) " WATTS the big idea ? " ( pun contender )
Deadpan

You're bright, but that doesn't always mean you're right !
You're good, but you're no Star of Bethlehem !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Whrer do I put the coin to get a gumball?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"At least no one's ever accused ME of being a little loopy!"
"Oh, yeah? I may have a big head, but you've always been a little loopy!"
"No, I'm not green that you've gone green!"
"I just never thought anyone in OUR family would ever go green!"
"I'm not fat. I'm just big-boned!"
"I just don't like when other light bulbs check out your womanly curves!"
"I may not be as bright as you, but it doesn't take me as long to get turned on!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Liked the big boned one, but someone else beat you to the idea.

"New and curvy, meet old and round"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

You might replace me, but you'll never replace the Star on the Christmas Tree!
You might replace me, but you'll never replace the Star of Bethlehem!
You might replace me, but never the Star of Bethlehem!
I know I'm no Star of David, but you're no Star of Bethlehem either!
You might replace me, but you'll never make it too top of Christmas tree!
You might bump me, but it takes twinkle & color to get on the Christmas Tree!
You must agree, We are an Odd Couple !
We are an Odd Couple !
You're too young for me !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Oh, Bill's attitude has just gotten worse, Edna. Now he even dresses sarcastically."
"Sure, I know it's just a phase, but the worst part is when we're in bed and he yells 'up, up and away...'"
"I don't know, Edna, I guess this is what I get for having high expectations..."
"No, No, Doctor, nothing unusual to eat... although I did try that new gravy thickener last night.... Krypto-something..."
"Honestly Edna I couldn't care less that Clark's taking some time off from work... he's still his old self in bed..."
Kevin Gillette, San Diego, CA

"Yeah? Well you don't light up my life either!"
"You're not the brightest bulb in the socket, are you?"
"CFL? I thought that was the Canadian Football League."
"Let me illuminate you, buddy! I was here long before you were!"
"How many Gore family members DOES it take to change a light bulb?"
"It's just unnatural, I tell ya."
"Don't gimme that ozone stuff either!"
"Man, you're about as screwed up as they get!"
Don Byers, Greensboro

1. You are one "Twisted Sister."
2. Doing the "Twist" was popular years ago.
3. Chubby Checker did a better twist.
4. You're not as cool as you think.
5. See what happens when they screw you into the socket too fast.
6. And you wonder why your parents put you up for adoption.
7. Stop showing off and go back to normal.
8. I told you not to have that extra highball.
9. Edison must be turning over in his grave.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. "Get a shade!"
2. "Gas AND poison! You're twisted dude."
3. "I'm not worried - I get all the bright ideas."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Ok new guy, I have been screwed up here to long and me and the Christmas lights are making a break for it tonight. Are you in?
james

"I told you that dieting would screw you up."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Who you callin' 'Not So Bright???' "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

56. It'll be a hot time in the old town tonight!
57. Woh, you're such a hottie!
58. Baby light my fire!
59. You have curves appeal!Nancy Nelson

“If we’re going to be this close I wish you’d try another fila mint.”
“How many JOY captioners does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
“The electrician bragged that you really ‘light up a room.’”
“Don’t expose yourself around me you pervert.”
“I was expecting a flasher not a pervert.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Sure you have a hot new body but you're just as "screwed up" as the rest of us.
"Watts the bright idea?"
Scottie Carratello, Jamestown,

Need entries by noon WEDNESDAY!
And to answer your question, what does the lead Wiseman have? iphone? blackberry? GPS? Gameboy? You decide.

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER
“All dressed up and no place to go.” An amusing entry for last week’s cartoon, right? Until you read that line a dozen times, then it seems less so. That sums up why your good caption didn’t make the cut, and other, more bizarre ones, do.
Good stuff, though. A lot of nice entries had to be cut. See the blog. Also, some new names this time.
And to those who wished me a merry Christmas, likewise to you. To those of you who didn’t: bah humbug!
By the way, just curious - how many variations did we get on the "All dressed up and no place to go" theme? (I got at least one more by snail mail) Anyone care to count?

WINNER
“Didn’t you wear that last year?”
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

RUNNERS-UP
Did I ever tell you I'm Jewish?
Annie S. Greensboro

"So when did you get back from Mardi Gras?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

"Personally, I prefer the natural look."
Carl Niedziela, Pelham

"There's a lot of that going around this time of year."
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

"The invitation said casual dress!"
Kay Watterson

You’re always over accessorizing!
Angela Roberts, Jamestown

“In the tree world we call this ‘going commando.’”
Don Byers

"Are you sure this was your first time playing poker?"
Kevin Little

I hope this is just a phase you're going thru!
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

BEST INSIDE JOKE
Are those some of Tim Rickard's new twisty bulbs?
Julia Johnson, Reidsville

Better this than a Sunday circular in the News and Record.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Whoa,yellow ,blue and orange! I hope they don't let Mr.Rickard decorate the family tree.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
Nope. My wife won’t let me.

"I'm so desperate I'll even take last week's freaky light bulb."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
When he goes for your ornaments Cindy Lou Who will slap the cuffs on him.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I practice Festivis!. Want to branch wrestle?"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

"Oh, how lovely are your branches!"
Ian Knight, Greensboro
you know ... like the song ...

"Since I've housing a squirrel I'm pretty sure Clark Griswold will take me this year."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

BEST/WORST PUN
What you all spruced up for ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

MATURE
See if you can spot a theme.
"Your balls are showing"
John LaFave

It takes a lot a ball to do something like that
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

2) Um, shouldn't your balls be lower? (sorry)
4) Cheer up, in olden days it was animal gentiles
20) Um, what's with the blueballs??
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

Nice balls.
Scott H. Douglas

BEST POEM
T'was the night before Christmas and in our small home,
Me and Grandma were there all alone.
When all at once there arose such a clatter,
I thought Grandma was snoring, so I threw my shoe at her.
I sprang to the window as fast as I could,
Five minutes later there I stood.
What to my watering eyes should appear?-nothing my glasses were still in my chair.
I could not see Him but i heard him say,
Merry Christmas Old Folks on this great day.
You may be young or you may be old,
and no matter what you have been told,
there is one thing I know to be true,
old Santa loves both me and you.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

Star light, star bright, first star I've seen to night, I wish I may, I wish might, I'm not getting any sleep tonight You do know after Christmas is over your branches will be stripped bare of those fancy baubles and beads and it'll be lights out and then I'll be so pleased!
Nancy Nelson

THE REST
1.)Well,aren't you the extra fancy special one!
2.) You're just asking to get beat up !
3.) It takes a lot a ball to do something like that!
4.)You're lucky! You could have a severed trunk sitting in a vat of dirty water!
5.)Tis the season.
6.) Bet you didn't see that coming.
7.) Some of your balls are bunched a little too close together.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Good stuff as usual, Tim. Just nothing in particular stood out with our judges.

"All dressed up, and no where to go."
Steve & Hilda Martin, Mayodan
The first with this caption, but not the last by a long shot.

l. Wow!
2. Please turn off those lights, I can't sleep!
3. You light up my life!
4. You're the light of my life!
5. Pride goes before a fall!
6. I guess you won't be going anywhere this year!
7. All dressed up and no place to go!
8. That can't be good for the environment or our economy!
9. You are so beautiful to me!
10. You're the BOMB!
11. You're such a hottie!
12. You're grounded!
13. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
14. You look ridiculous!
15. Are you leaving me?
Nancy Nelson

"Your balls are showing"
John LaFave

"I told you I have nothing to wear"
Julie Southall, Greensboro
Nice

1) To much "bling" you say!
2) That direction of those stripes make you look fat!
3) Trying to stand out again, I see !
4) What did I tell you about those balls?
5) Less is more!
Catherine Duke, Kernersville
Flirting with good stuff here, especially the “bling” one. Would have liked to have seen it re-worded.

I know it's the latest, but it makes you look fat.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"I thought I would try a more 'Jennifer Aniston' look for this year."
Jay Moore, Jamestown
Good, topical joke

1) "Feeling a little overdressed, are we?"
2) "I thought the invitation said 'casual dress'."
Dorothy Lanier, Pleasant Garden
A toss up with the runner-up, which got picked because it was a wee-bit shorter.

1. "Late night?"
2. "You should get that looked"
3. "Where did you go?"
4. "Didn't you wear that last year?"
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
good stuff

"OOPS!!! I forgot my skirt!"
Carol Masters, Colfax

Where's the Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh ?
Heard the gold, frankincense, and myrrh are on the way !
Oops ! No presents !
It's the economy ! ( No Gifts )
Where's the Partridge ?
Somethings missing !
( No presents )
Something's not present here !
Hope they know only six shopping days left !
( N0 presents )
Only six shopping days left !
( No presents )
You need some underwear !
( Presents )
You'd look better with some undies !
( Presents )
Don't you feel a little barefoot ?
( No presents )
You're having a good star day !
Is that the Star of David or Star of Bethlehem ?
Santa will bring you some undies !
( Presents )
Wow ! Let's step under the mistletoe !
You look barefoot without them !
( Presents )
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

But today is dress-down Friday.
Tom Sandin, Greensboro
”Casual” is a better term, I think.

1. "Aren't a little over dressed for the occasion?"
2. "Your balls are showing."
3. "Are those compact fluorescents?"
4. "Show off."
Eric Grimm, Greensboro
I like “Show off”

DRESSED UP. NO PLACE TO GO
N. D. REDMON, EDEN

"Psst, your garland slipped and your trunk is showing!"
"The invitation said casual dress!"
"The invitation said casual dress!"
Kay Watterson, Browns Summit

All dressed up and no where to go!
Sandra Lindsay-Hardge, Greensboro

"Does this garland make my hips look fat?"
Hayleigh Carroll, Greensboro

If you're an Angel Tree, where's the gifts ?
Where's the presents, Angel Tree ?
Missing something, Angel Tree ?
( Presents )
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

" How richly god has decked thee ! "
You are all decked out !
Why are you all decked out ?
All decked and no place to go !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"No sweetie, that outfit doesn't make your trunk look too big."
Kevin Miller

"Showoff".
Evelyn, Browns Summit
Showoff is good, just at least two others had the same caption.

16. Traitor!
17. I know how you feel, they did that to me last year!
18. We were born to be free!
19. Burn baby Burn!
20. Better you than me!
21. Uh, I notice you've gained a little weight!
22. All eyes are on you!
23. This is not the way to get my attention!
24. You have my attention!
25. You're such not a Plain Jane now.
26. I like your makeover!
27. Twinkle, twinkle you have a star!
28. Matchmaker has definitely made a mistake!
29. Opposites do attract!
Nancy Nelson
I liked “traitor”, our other judges not so much.

" I must have missed the memo about formal attire!"
Pam Simpson, Oak Ridge

[musical notes]
"It's raining, it's snowing,
All your wires are showing."
All dressed up and nowhere to go.
Uh-oh -- they just let Fido out.
Nice outfit -- did it come out of an attic?
Joan Lux, Greensboro,
The last one was one of the last cut from runners-up. We liked the cattiness of it.

If that's what I have to do to come out, I'm stayin in!
If you think that's bad, just wait till they come back and chop you down!
Honey, can I just go to the party as a Pine?
Les, Sterling, Va.
I liked the last one

1.) No dear, I don't think those ornaments make you look fat.
2.)That should do wonders for your self confidence!
3.)Anything happen while I was asleep?
4.)You look FAAAAABULOUS!
5.) That reformed Grinch is out of control !
6.)Nice job Grinch bait.
7.) When he goes for your ornaments Cindy Lou Who will slap the cuffs on him.
8.) You clean up real nice fella!
9.) I'm feeling pretty insecure about my looks right now.
10.)Thanks for making me look bad, jerk.
11.)Oooooh,pretty!
12.)How you managed that by yourself I'll never know.
13.)Oh look,they're coming back with the cutest little hatchet!
14.)Want me to do your back?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Never mix dots with stripes."
"All dressed up and nowhere to go"
"Do you feel all important with a star on your crown?"
"Your garland is dropping"
"It's too late; they already made eye-contact with you."
"You're all spruced up!"
You're pining to be taken home, aren't you?
"Rogaine won't help prevent needle drop"
"Those decorations don't make you look fat."
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"Your trunk is showing."
Marsha Elam, Greensboro

"Hey Baby, Nice Bulbs!"
Brian Smith, Madison

Are those some of Tim Rickard's new twisty bulbs?
Julia, Reidsville

What you all spruced up for ?
Who you all spruced up for ?
You sure are spruced up !
You going to Church or something ?
Is that fragrance Timberline ?
What's that fragrance, Timberline ?
You clean up pretty good !
Wished I could look like you !
Hey, Hollywood !
Today a Christmas Tree, Tomorrow a Crappie Bed
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

30. Glory, glory hallalujah!
31. You are my shining star!
32. Tis the season to be jolly!
33. Are you my present?
34. Santa thank you, thank you, thank you!
35. Try to be thankful and least you weren't cut!
36. Something smells like it's burning!
37. Stop flickering, you're bringing attention my way!
38. You're not exactly going green!
39. Better hope that dog doesn't do his business on you!
40. I'm shocked at your appearance!
Nancy Nelson

Your slip is showing.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Hey, your zipper is open"
Shelly Brown-Jeffy

Nothing artificial bout you !
Going indoors is a dead end !
Glad you didn't get a root canal !
Keep out, if you know what's good for you !
Staying outside, staying outside, is staying alive !
Staying alive ! Staying alive ! Outside !
Next year is my turn !
My turn next year !
It's fun taking turns each year !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Decided to come out of the closet, eh?"
Pete Dey, Greensboro

"mom always liked you best"
Jack Campbell, Greensboro
I was surprised how many of this response we got

1. You're always over accessorizing!
2. No, I will not turn you on.
Angela Roberts, Jamestown

We've had some complaints and your Chapel Hill gig was canceled.
Kemp Loy, Burlington
NICE! Too “inside” though.

1) Uh, probably not a wise outfit for this time of year.
2) Um, shouldn't your balls be lower? (sorry)
3) The other trees are starting to talk.
4) Cheer up, in olden days it was animal gentiles
5) Would you mind not standing so close?
6) That's the last time you go out drinking with the boys.
7) A little flashy, but kinda sexy too.
8) That'll teach you to make fun of the forest elves!
9) WHOA! Liberachi would be proud!
10) Next time you should scream right when they go to put the star on.
11) You should've bitten them!
12) Dude! You really look gay!
13) Never make a bet with a fat guy in a red suit.
14) Look on the bright side, at least you're not in someone's living room.
15) Uh, you might want to look in a mirror.
16) I can still see your bald spot in the rear.
17) If I were you I would leak sap on all their packages Christmas morning.
18) Well, the blue brings out your eyes, but the stars a little much.
19) I had a nightmare like this once.
20) Um, what's with the blueballs??
21) Better you than me buddy!
22) WHOA!
23) Dude, is that a candy cane stuck in your .....??
24) And just what have you learned from all this???
25) At times like this, I'm glad I'm Jewish.
26) You faired much better than the mistletoe!
27) Would I get slapped if I wished you a Merry Christmas?
28) I hope this is just a phase you're going thru!
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
And to think, this week you outdid your brother. Quit a feat.

"Look on the bright side, most of the time this happens postmortem."
"I warned you about falling asleep at a slumber party."
"Don't worry. It usually clears up by New Year's."
"I sure hope you're not contagious."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville
Those last two were really strong. Barely missed the cut

"All dressed up and nowhere to go again, huh?"
John E. Truitt, Greensboro,

1.)You do know it's March don't you?
2.) Dude,that was hard to watch!
3.)Those stripes make you look fat.
4.)It was like a car wreck.I just couldn't look away!
5.)Well shiver my timber.
6.)You really SHOWED them who's boss!
7.) That %$#*&*% Martha Stewart is outta control!!
8.)Tell me again how no one would ever degrade YOU like that!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

Do you really think you will get into the Biltmore house free dressed like that?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro.

No honey-All the bling on that outfit doesn't make you look fat.
Aren't you ready yet? If we don't hurry all we'll find at Frosty's will be a top hat.
Danielle Carden, Greensboro

Plug it in ! Plug it in !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

1) Here comes the cat, good luck!
2) Don't mean to needle you, but you look like a gum ball machine!
3) Hey if I stick a quarter in you do I get a gum ball?
Dean Tribbett, Virginia Beach, Va.

1.) At least your head isn't stuck up a little angel's ass.(keister?)
2.)They covered up your thin spot very nicely!
3.)I can't believe that dog did that after all that work!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

I'm going green over you, envy green !
I'm going green because of you, envy green !
I'm turning envy green !
Me ! Envy Green ! Never !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"So, what's with the party dress?"
Charles Cameron, Greensboro

Actually I WAS going to go to "Papa" Tim's Christmas party, but I don't have a thing to wear.
Bucky
Hi, Marcia! Oh, and Bucky! (Congrats on the costume contest)

"Office Christmas party?"
"What's with all the body piercing?"
"Excuse me...are you a Christmas tree or a Winter Holiday tree?"
"Weren't you in the Wizard of Oz? It's Judy, right?"
"I don't get lit. I'm a teetotaler."
Kris Voy, Trinity

"ooh you got the measles, better stay away from me."
Ted Watkins, Liberty

"That disguise won't fool anyone."
"Look natural, here comes the guy with the chainsaw."
"O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, your leaves are so unchanging..."
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, your decorations are so fakey..."
"All dressed up and no place to go!"
"When they bring the saw, don't look down, whatever you do, don't look down!"
"I think you're overdressed for the tree lot."
"I take you Greeny, to be my wedded wife..."
"Hold that sneeze, see what it did to me?"
"Sorry, but they won't stay on when they drag you in the house."
Rob Black, High Point
The hold the sneeze one was great! THE last cut from the runners-up.

1.)You're not contagious are you?
2.) Show off !
3.)Wow,I'm feeling alot better about my termites and dry rot now!
4.) Colorblind people really shouldn't trim trees.
5.)You're the talk of the forest!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"This is the south, you may look like that all year."
"Halloween's over, why are you dressed as Liberace?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

"Are you sure this was your first time playing poker?"
"This year, my emphasis is on inner beauty."
"It's my commentary on the crass commercialism of Christmas. That, and they ran out of extension cords."
"I'm saving myself for Arbor Day."
"Mom always liked you best!"
Kevin Little

"I thought we were going casual tonight."
"So when did you get back from Mardi Gras?"
"You know, fixed up like that, your branches are kinda' lovely."
"I know I'm plain, but you don't have to needle me."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale
# one was good too.

Did I ever tell you I'm Jewish?
Annie S., Greensboro
Well, you're all dressed up with no place to go!
Tom Shelmerdine, Greensboro

"...Uh... Ya left yer lights on!"
S.French

"So much for being an evergreen."
Phil Valla, Greensboro

1) " Your barn door is open...made you look ! "
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Welcome back, Joel. We missed you. The competition’s fierce these days. Joining back in?

41. Bah, humbug!
42. Showoff!
43. Glamour Girl!
44. I prefer snow covered branches!
45. Watt happened to you! 4
6. I dare you to flash that dog over there!
47. I prefer au natural!
48. Forget Rudolph, Santa needs you!
49. Another Flasher!
50. You're dressed to impress!
51. The JOY is back!
52. JOY to the world!
53. PEACE, please!
54. You do know those things kill!
55. Good Grief!!
56. Some trees'll do anything during a recession!
57. Ho, ho, ho!
58. Merry Christmas!
59. Season's Greetings!
(Another ditty)Star light, star bright, first star I've seen to night, I wish I may, I wish might, I'm not getting any sleep tonight You do know after Christmas is over your branches will be stripped bare of those fancy baubles and beads and it'll be lights out and then I'll be so pleased!
Nancy Nelson

1.) My elves just bake cookies.
2.) Better this than a Sunday circular in the News and Record.
3.) I hear that cures itself in January.
4.) I know they itch but stop scratching them.
5.) I'm a tinsel kind of tree myself .
6.) You trees with OCD can't stand crooked ornaments can ya?
7.) Don't you just hate those drive by trimmings?
8.) Leaving you like that all year is just soooo tacky.
9.)Wait until you see what they put on your head.
10.) I wish you could see yourself in a mirror.
11.)Looks like you've got a christmas elf infestation.
12.) It's not the color scheme I would have chosen but to each his own.
13.) No, No you look fine,really.
14.)Whoa, yellow ,blue and orange! I hope they don't let Mr.Rickard decorate the family tree.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1. "The admiration only last a few weeks. After all the gifts are opened the lights and glitter are removed and you're placed by the curb like a piece of garbage. "
2. "They ooh and aah now, but wait until you start dropping needles."
3. "I thought you said you were Jewish."
Noelle Polson, Jacksonville, Fla.
Jewish was good, but you were beat to the punch. twice.

"I decided to go green this year."
"Will you come back and tell me if there's really a Santa Claus?"
"On Christmas morning, you'll really have some presents about you."
"I came into the world this way, and I'm leaving this way."
"If God meant for me to have balls on my branches, He would have given them to me."
"The holiday season always leaves me feeling a little empty."
"Big plans at the landfill for the New Year?"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Liked that first one. Simple

"Some people have it....some people don't"
Nick Voy, Trinity

"Why does everyone HATE me?"
Lindsay Voy, Trinity

" I see you have jewels to go with your fir"
Eric Olmedo, Jamestown

* "Looks like someone has turned you on!"
* "Who trimmed your tree?!
* "I little too gaudy don't you think!"
* "Nice, but I am politically correct!"
* "It's pretty but on the 26th we will all be on the curb!"
* "I practice Festivis!. Want to branch wrestle?"
* "Nice set of ornaments!"
* "Careful. Those are cheap lights drawn on you. One short and you are up in flames!"
* "The lights allow me to see your bare branches!"
* "It was Frosty's magic from last week's cartoon!"
* "All decked out and nowhere to go!"
* "They dumped egg nog into the water tray and decorated while you slept!"
* "Next they cut you down and display you in town hall"
* "It was the Grinch!"
Dennis LaJeunesse, Greensboro

1. Your tinsel is showing.
2. All dressed up with no place to go.
3. What happened to your shoes?
4. You've got a skinny leg.
5. You wore the same outfit last year.
6. Yes, that outfit does make you look fat.
7. You dropped the ball again.
Marry Christmas!
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"There's a lot of that going around this time of year."
Ed Deckert, Summerfield, NC

Plug'er in, plug'er in !
Oh Tannenbaum ~ Oh Tannenbaum
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Didn't go green...Evergreen !
Cynthia Shores, Ramseur, NC

Yule beautiful !
It's not easy standing on one leg !
Yule got Tinselitus again !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

T'was the night before Christmas and in our small home,
Me and Grandma were there all alone.
When all at once there arose such a clatter,
I thought Grandma was snoring, so I threw my shoe at her.
I sprang to the window as fast as I could,
Five minutes later there I stood.
What to my watering eyes should appear?-nothing my glasses were still in my chair.
I could not see Him but i heard him say,
Merry Christmas Old Folks on this great day.
You may be young or you may be old,
and no matter what you have been told,
there is one thing I know to be true,
old Santa loves both me and you.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

1) Hey, your zipper is undone.
2) Nice balls.
Scott H. Douglas

60. You're showing your true colors!
Nancy Nelson

1) "A bit gaudy, don't you think?"
2) "You're the lights of my life!"
3) "So what are you doing NewYears Eve?"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

"I still can't believe they picked you to be on MTV's 'Pimp My Tree'!"
Scott Linham, Greensboro

"Move along lady, this ain't that kind of neighborhood."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1.)Just grin and bear it.Our plan for worldwide domination is almost complete.
2.) Pretty festive pine cones ya got there neighbor.
3.) I know some aren't evenly spaced but you need to let it go.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Number 3 came closest to being included by our judges

"Oh my gosh Madge, you're not wearing a skirt."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1. “Here comes someone with a hacksaw - run!”
2. “It’s always about you.”
3. “I think you have to actually know someone to get gifts.”
4. “Don’t move, you’ve got something on your…well just don’t move.”
5. “Here comes someone with a hacksaw - I hope you’re happy.”
6. “You’re in denial again. You are not the Rockefeller Center tree.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

“Boy, do you take a long time to get ready!”
“Whatta you mean, do I think those make you look fat?”
“You do have a thing for bling.”
“This year I’m ‘going green’”
“Do you come here often?”
“No, you’re not just arm candy.’
“Don’t you think you’re a little overdressed, dear?”
“In the tree world we call this ‘going commando.’”
“Okay, no more choruses of ‘You Light Up My Life.’ I promise.”
“What do you expect from a Scotch Pine?”
“Yeah, well I didn’t get a stimulus check!”
Don Byers, Greensboro
Great stuff, again Don.

"I see you've overcome your reluctance to use your stimulus check."
Kevin Little
Stimulus check is good, but Don beat you to it (see above)

PARTY? What party?????
Linda Burnette, Gibsonville

"Buddy, can you spare a bulb?''
'' Do you have undies under all of that."
"All substance and no electricity."
" A tree with no mouth and all the luck!"
"Don't look now, but here come the axe."
"Can you say Timberrrrrrrrrrrrr."
"Fatso, I told you would get pick."
"That what you get for being tall and sassy."
James E. Ferrell, McLeansville

"Your skirt is missing."
"If you didn't brag so much, I wouldn't have added the blue ornament."
"Oh, how lovely are your branches!"
Ian Knight, Greensboro

It wouldn't hurt you to spruce up a little.
Sandy Mendenhall, Greensboro

"Personally, I prefer the natural look."
Carl Niedziela, Pelham

1.)Way to take one for the team!
2.)Thanks for taking one for the team!
3.) My fungal blight keeps them off me.
3.)Do you feel pretty,oh so pretty?
4.)We're supposed to be a non denominational forest.
5.) I didn't think they could do that in a national forest.
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"I'm so desperate I'll even take last week's freaky light bulb."
"I need to spruce up, you're making me look bad."
“Neglect the halls?”
“But I'm doing 'MTV’s Unplugged' this month.”
“But Governor Blagojevich promised to sell those decorations to me.”
"Since I've housing a squirrel I'm pretty sure Clark Griswold will take me this year."
Gray Amick, Greensboro

"Look at You! All Dressed Up and No Place to Go!"
Vince Schooler, Greensboro

Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com

Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

THIS WEEK'S CONTEST
Hope you guys had a good Christmas.
Great stuff this week. A lot of good captions didn’t realize it was the last wiseman talking or ignored the gadget the lead wiseman is carrying. Sadly, these things cost you points. But, lucky for us, they made our job easier editing captions down.
Just a side note, camel dung was a popular subject for this cartoon. Don’t really have a point, I just wanted to see the words “camel dung” in print.

ALSO, sorry this is late getting posted and the fact that I didn't make any comments on entries this week. The holiday and all. Just wanted to say, though, that all our judges thought this was an exceptionally strong week. Lots of good entries.Pat yourself on the back. And if you don't hear from me till next week, have a happy new year!

WINNER
"Can you stop blogging? I'm sure someone will write about this later."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

RUNNERS-UP
“No, I don’t want to be on his Facebook page.”
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

“He’s the son of God, of course he’s gonna know it’s been out of the box.“
Joel Clark, Greensboro
Really good. A coin toss between this and the winner.

You're ruining our reenactment Carl!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

“The GPS says go through field and fountain, moor and mountain and follow yonder star.”
Michael L. Creech, Springboro

"Are we there yet?"
Multiple entrants

"You fool, of course they'll be roaming minutes."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Hey, guys! Maybe GPS stands for “Gigantic Pointing Star.”
Bill Wallace, High Point

"Google myrrh and find out what the heck it is!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE“Hey... could you text Tim Rickard & wish him Merry Christmas for me??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
Merry Christmas to you, too, CC.

First satanic light bulbs and now this!
What does take exit 22 off I40 even MEAN?!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Let's see, we traveled 500 miles and the new tax is a penny a mile..."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Is that the R.U. Sirius, or a star? I can't read this thing without my glasses.
Your friend Bucky

OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Some people who know their Bible.
That child will be two years old before we even get there!
Nancy Nelson

That kid will be 2 years old before that thing gets us to him!
Bryan Tribbett

will b there by Epiphany
Joan Lux Greensboro

A bomb?! Why are we giving him a Bomb?!
(monty python) Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
I’m ashamed to say, I’m not familiar with this Monty Python quote.
From “The Life of Brian” I assume?

And the date change …Did you remember to change the date from B.C to A.D.?!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

“The date on my watch just went back to zero!!“
Joel Clark, Greensboro

And of course, a cartoon reference ...
I told you we took a wrong turn in Albuquerque!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

MATURE
Nothing really fits, here. Except maybe the numerous references to camel dung.

BEST POEM
Three wise men, bringing gifts from afar,
couldn't find baby Jesus by following the shining bright star,
so they got off their camels and tried getting directions from their i-phone,
when that failed they ended up in the desert all alone!
Nancy Nelson

THE REST
"If you keep dressing like that, they're going to haul you off and put you in a home!"
Mike Creech, Dayton, Ohio

“For the last time, forget the map and look up!"
John E. Truitt, Greensboro

1.)Take thee a right at the next dune in 300 cubits.
2.)Takest thou a right at the next dune in 300 cubits.
3.)Why do I always get stuck with the myrrh?
4.)Why do you always get to give the gold?
5.) It just keeps saying look up !
6.)Why does it keep saying recalculating route?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

traveling on faith
even fog cant dim it
need GPS sistum b4 next uh . . . Christmas
wont b home 4 corned beef queenie
Joan Lux, Greensboro

1.) You're ruining our reenactment Carl!
2.) These frankincense fumes are making me dizzy back here!
3.) I prefer the Onstar system.
4.)I keep telling you that's a gameboy not a GPS.
5.) I can't believe you traded good myrrh for that thing!
6.) I really don't think we need that thing.
7.) Call me old fashioned but this just seems wrong!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Hey... could you text Tim Rickard & wish him Merry Christmas for me??"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

I prefer under star over Onstar
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1. Gaspar just follow the star!
2. That thing better be made out of gold!
3. Who are you texting now!
4. Wouldn't it be wiser to ask for directions?!
5. A wiseman once said...!
6. That child will be two years old before we even get there!
7. Enough already!
8. It's about time you decided to get directions!
9. Shouldn't we be riding those camels!
10. Why is this child so important anyway?!
11. Are we there yet!
12. Don't answer that it might be the King!

I knew this GPS would come in handy.
I'm texting the wife that we're there.
We R on frewy tking ramp to Bhem. Got gfts. Str stil brite.
Ken Layton, Carthage

o gr8 allergic to myrrh
sand in my sandles
found 2 at palm tree - will work 4 frankincense and myrrh
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"TRY THE OTHER WEBSITE: "www.wethreekings.com".
"C'MON NOW! "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME"
"FORGET THE EMAIL. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THE STAR"
Alex Potter, Greensboro

sand in my sandals
will b there by Epiphany
Joan Lux, Greensboro

"C'MON NOW! "WE CAN'T BE LATE"
Alex Potter, Greensboro

After 400 yards, turn right. Then- keep right...keep right...keep right.
I told you to charge the Tom-Tom before we left.
Just punch in the address for the manger, it should take us right to it.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

"I thought it said to turn right at the FIRST camel, not the second....."
Wil Courter, Greensboro

Who's the daddy ?
It's probably not programmed for AD !
Probably not AD ready !
Yule need an AD converter !
Warranty good only for BC !
It's leading us astray !
Eyes right !
To the right, march !
Our wives again !
Tell Elvis to join us !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

* "You just couldn't trust the star, could you?"
* "Okay, enough, wise guy!"
* "I'm sick of hearing that DVD player on every trip!"
* Wii Three Kings
* "I'm telling you, the movie's not out yet."
Don Byers, Greensboro

Oh goody, I found the PERFECT gift!
Alex Burke, Summerfield

1.) I think it needs more specifics than just manger in Bethlehem.
2.) If you hadn't wrecked our camel looking at that thing we would already be there!
3.Methinks the camel did not care for your attempt to recharge the GPS.
4.)I think this GPS will work better when they launch some satellites.
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Get the Frankincense before we leave", I told you.
J. C. Winkler, Greensboro

"PUT THAT AWAY. WE'VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO!"
ALEX POTTER, GREENSBORO
And they came from a far, bringing Gold, Frankincense and Mio.
Skye Dalrymple, High Point

"It's an Ipod. Kids these day just don't appreciate myrhh"
Eric Olmedo, Jamestown

"C'mon...you guys said I could give him the PSP!"
Scott Linham, Greensboro

13. The Game Boy's batteries will be dead before Jesus Christ even gets it!
14. What was that wise crack about me getting us lost?!
15. Guys let's just follow the camels!
16. Is AAA coming anytime soon?
( Another ditty)Three wise men, bringing gifts from afar, couldn't find baby Jesus by following the shining bright star, so they got off their camels and tried getting directions from their i-phone, when that failed they ended up in the desert all alone!
Nancy Nelson

Mary said, "where did you ever find three WISE MEN?"
Dick Ellis, PLeasant Garden

"I'm telling you guys, this GPS is GOLD!"
"We three kings are orienteering..."
"The GPS says go through follow field and fountain, moor and mountain and follow yonder star."
"Okay Wise-guy, which direction does your frankincense say to go?"
Mike Creech, Dayton, Ohio

"In point two miles turn right and follow the star."
Hal Koger, McLeansville

TXT GLD FRNKNSNS & MYR.
Christian Pike, Siler City

AYDY?????????? (are you done yet)
Christian Pike, Siler City

I'm not WITH Frank 'n Murray!
Not Frank and Murray -- frankincense and myrrh.
Joan Lux Greensboro

"A Gameboy for a baby, you should've got the Tickle Me Moses."
"That gps is screwy, we should've made a left at Albuquerque!"
"Google myrrh and find out what the heck it is!"
"Ask jeeves why we walked and didn't ride those camels."
"An xbox 360 - we agreed to keep it under two drachmas!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

1.) It has to recalculate the route every time there is a sand storm?!
2)Turn right at the camel?! A camel is not stationary!!
3.)So we just blindly trust this Steve Jobs in his itimetravel machine?!
4.)Beware of nerds bearing gifts!
5,)There is too much camel congestion on this route!
6.)The infernal machine has led me into camel dung again!
7.)You want me to LIE and tell everyone we followed a star?!
8.)A bomb?! Why are we giving him a Bomb?!(monty python)
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

1. Garmin says to make a right at the Camel.
2 I knew we should have gotten a map from AAA
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden.

1. Your wife wants to know who took her Frankincense & Myrrh and gold?
2. Your wife said, "don't forget the milk and bread."
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"We've past this star three times now...would you please stop and ask for directions!!"
Ethan C. Greensboro
(1). "Are we there yet?"
(2). " I'm not wearing underpants; he,he,he.".
Erny Karoly, Jamestown

1.) What do you mean "nothing much"? Tell them to call back later!
2.) I believe the hymn says SILENT night!
3.) I can't believe you traded the little drummer boy for itunes!
4.)I still say beware of geeks bearing gifts!
5.)Try looking up manger under points of interest already!
6.)These K&W lines are getting way too long!
7.)I can't believe we both brought myrrh!
8.)Look up local resturants.I could kill for a lamb kebob!
9.)It says the weather will be hot and dry?What a USEFUL device!
10.)First satanic light bulbs and now this!
11.) What does take exit 22 off I40 even MEAN?!
12.) AC/DC is not appropriate music for tonight!
13.)Stop getting sand in my GPS!
14.)Where do we recharge it MR.WISEMAN?!
15.) You better not be texting about me and my myrrh!
16.)You two could really use a little fragrant balm if you get my drift!
17.)I told you to buy the extended warranty!
18.)Text them that we are running late due to a camel pileup.
19.)I don't know how many cubits are in a mile!
20.) Can you hear them now?
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

1) "All I get is that "Little Drummer Boy!"
2) "I'm Dis-Oriented!"
3) "It keeps saying Go East!"
4) "Believe Me! This is the start of something Big!"
5) "How do you spell Myrrh?"
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

1)? "Hello-o-o...we're supposed to be?following ?'yon star' not OnStar!"
2)???"I already told you, we don't need your GPS---the star's right there!"
Rupert Burton, Greensboro

I said we're going to meet the son of God, not bring your Ipod!!
Joe Tripp, Greensboro

Is that the R.U. Sirius, or a star? I can't read this thing without my glasses.
Your friend Bucky
Rockit on Rockiteers!

1.) I told you we took a wrong turn in Albuquerque!
2.) I prefer under star to your ONSTAR !
3.) We're lost and my tuna casserole is ice cold! I need to stop and buy some myrrh or something!
4.) I told you to just follow the little boy with the drum!!
5.) For crying out loud!! JUST LOOK UP!!
6.)How many holy mangers can there be in Bethlehem?!
7.) We're running late! Get the myrrh out fellas!
8.) I told you the Moses brand of GPS was a BAD CHOICE!!!!
9.) I told you that a GPS invented by Moses was a bad choice!!
10.)We're lost,my feet hurt,my beard itches,my sinuses are acting up......
11.) I think I heard a baby crying 300 cubits to the right
12.) If we get there on time it will be a miracle!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro (Hmmm,I wonder if Mom would like a little myrrh for Christmas)

W.W.J.D?
Darn GPS, I'm always getting lost.
Marcia Minsky, LosCon

Lost again with your China made GPS.
Hurry up my Muir is drying up.
Don Rankin, Greensboro

* "Wii.three kings.of or-i-ent arrreee."
Don Byers, Greensboro

* "Give it a minute to recalculate."
* "It has to lock in on the satellite first."
* "I TOLD you it said 'turn right at the stable.'"
* "'Trust me. I can find our way back,' you said."
* "I'd feel a lot wiser if your batteries weren't running low."
Don Byers, Greensboro

"We're lucky, usually those myrrh dealers are closed by now."
"I told you that Baby Floyd wasn't the Savior."
"See if they have WiFi."
"Let's see, we traveled 500 miles and the new tax is a penny a mile..."
"You fool, of course they'll be roaming minutes."
"Yeah, it's the next left but I don't think we can get over."
"Hah, you missed. How about J-8?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

1) Heck with that thing! I told you we should have stopped and asked directions!
2) Game Boy, frankincense & myrrh just doesn't have the same ring to it !
3) I don't care what that thing says, we follow the star!
4) DANG IT! If that thing directs me thru one more pile of camel dung.......!
5) That kid will be 2 years old before that thing gets us to him!
6) No! Not 1654 Manger Rd, BECKINGHAM! You idiot!
7) No service again! I told you to go with those other guys!
8) Call that fat guy in the red suit! He'll know how to get there!
9) Give me that thing and we'll see if it can direct my foot to your ...!
10) Are we there yet??
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.

"Is that big star interfering with our GPS?"
Brenda Rambach, Greensboro

1.) Remember to tell them that's from all three of us!
2.) 2.) You're going to pay those roaming charges pal!
3.) 3.) Why don't you look up anachronism in wikipedia while you're at it!
4.) 4.)Text them that we are running late.Our camel had a dry hump!
5.) Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Can you stop blogging? I'm sure someone will write about this later."
"I don't care if it says to turn left, we should follow the star!"
"Between your GPS and that star, how can we possibly be lost?"
"Enough with the GPS already; just follow the star!"
"Don't tell me we're lost again!"
"And they came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and an Ipod."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

Garmin says to make a right at the next Camel.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

"It says, "RECALCULATING"
Cookie Bobko, Oak Ridge

1. "Can't you just use the STAR like the rest of us?"
2. "No, I don't want to be on his Facebook page."
3. "We have one star and you bought that."
4. "Just where would you like me to plug it in?"
5. "We could have bought 3 camels for less."
6. "Having that doesn't make you any wiser."
7. "If you play that song one more time."
8. "You traded our camels for THAT."
9. "What do you mean no signal?"
10. "I can't believe you traded the myrrh for that."
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Eric Grimm, Greensboro

"Besides electronics, little has changed in over 2000 years."
Michael L. Creech, Springboro, OH

1) Great! Right in the middle of Silent Night, you get a phone call!
2) Text him again! That is defiantly a comet, not a star!
3) If that's Herald Angel again, tell him I'm starting to get pissed!
4) Call the shepherds for directions, I'll bet they're there already!
5) Some wise men we are! We can't even find that manger with a friggin GPS!
6) What do you mean "there's no listing for Bethlehem!"
7) Look, I don't care if it is cool technology! WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO GET THERE!!!
Bryan Tribbett

no, your not the wisest!!!!
Linda Burnette, Gibsonville

* "We're going in circles. Chuck that thing and just follow the star!"
* "Chief, didn't we just pass that camel on the dune?"
* "Trading your gold for that gadget was a big mistake!!
* "Order lunch! I'm hungry!"
* "Call a camel. I'm tired of walking!"
* "It's so peaceful here in the Middle East. I hope it lasts!"
* "Let's switch. The gas is killing me back here!"
* "Check the gold market to see if our sell order went through!"
* "Can you play something besides "Twinkle, twinkle, little star?!"
* "Pay attention! You just marched us in a patch of fresh camel dung!"
* "Download a marching tune like Sousa's Stars and Stripes Forever!"
* "We're getting close. Start playing Handel "Messiah!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

1.) If you keep squinting at that screen you'll go cross eyed!
2.) 2.) I hear this place only has a one star rating!
3.) 3.)No,we don't have time to stop by Sodom and Gomorrah!
4.) 4.) An apple was also used to lead Eve astray!
5.) 5.) You shouldn't have ditched him! He may not be wise but he's still my brother!
6.) 6.) I prefer the celestial global positioning system!
7.) 7.)Did you remember to change the date from B.C to A.D.?!
8.) 8.)What a bummer for the kid to have his birthday on Christmas!
9.) 9.)Did you remember to remove the price tag?!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You don't need the GPS, the star is right there."
Ken Cockerham, Greensboro

1. “Why do you keep calling us your Network?”
2. “I thought we agreed not to bring a gift from another millennium.”
3. “I won’t ask you what ‘text messaging’ is if you don’t ask me to explain ‘frankincense’.”
Tom Norman, Greensboro

16. GPS does not stand for Gobal Positioning Star.
17. This a Hallmark Moment!
18. Take a picture, it will last longer!
19. He's definitely not from the Orient!
20. If that's a bIackberry, is it edible?!
21. What planet is he from!
22. I hope that's tidings of good cheer!
23. We traveled from a far but I think he must have traveled much further!
24. What is that incessant ringing in my ear?
25. I told you we could travel to the past in that time machine!
26. We're in a time warp!
27. I told him to leave that gizmo in the time machine!
27. We're doomed, that gadget will change our future!
28. We're almost there, is he beaming us up?!
Nancy Nelson

"You've tried enough of your contacts...let's just go with gold & myrrh."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

1) " The date on my watch just went back to zero !! "
2) " What do you mean the date just disappeared ? "
3) " What do you mean the date on your Blackberry just disappeared ? "
4) " That's just great !!! What happened to our $20.00 limit ? "
5) " What happened to our $20.00 limit ? "
6) " You know real wise men would be riding those camels . "
7) " Can I check my E-mail ? "
8) " Is that a Gameboy? He's really gonna love the myrrh now !!! "
9) " See if that GPS can tell you where my foot is in about a second!! "
10) " He is SOOOO gonna re-gift the myrrh and frankincense now . "
11) " I knew I should have gotten him a gift card . "
12) " You know with that GPS system we could travel by daylight . "
13) " Ohhh great !! I might as well have gotten him a fruitcake . "
14) " Put that GPS away. It's not like there's a lot of traffic out here."
15) " See if you can find the video of that guy throwing a shoe at thepresident. "
16) " The cashier wished me a Merry Christmas...any idea what she meant ?"
17) " Look up my horoscope for me . "
18) " He doesn't need a Gameboy, he needs a U-Haul !! "
19) " He's the son of God....of course he's gonna know it's been out of the box. "
20) " All that money for a Gameboy and he's more likely to play with the box it came in. "
Joel Clark, Greensboro

1. "You said it was my turn after we passed the last camel!"
2. "NO, you can't change it to I-phone, Frankincense and Myrrh just because it's Wikipedia."
Eric Grimm

" OK, Mel, So what's happening in the stock market, today?"
Nancy King, High Point

29. Don't answer that, it could be King Herod!
30. It's a star of wonder and beauty bright!
31. He's just being a wise guy!
Nancy Nelson

Alright, wish one of you had the tacos?
Can't you wait and play Solitare when we get home?
You programmed the GPS to find the west star, you idiot.
Wait, I got sand in my shoes again.
Frank Beamon, Greensboro

32. He's being paged again, what's the emergency now?!
33. The ER is paging him again!
Nancy Nelson

"Ask him if he means Wednesday noon Our time or his time."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Ask if they can put anchovies on third."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"Ask if it's free if it's not here in 30 minutes!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"If you're going to keep playing that game, at least turn off that annoying sound!!!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

"I can't figure this darn thing out, I say we ask one of the camels."
"Rats, looks like there's no room in the Bethlehem Hilton either."
"I wish this GPS device could spot camel droppings."
"I still say we should give a HDTV, the Manger still has rabbit ears and February will be here before you know it."
"I still say we should give a HDTV, I hear the Manger still has rabbit ears."
Gray Amick, Greensboro