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Welcome to the News & Record's "Jokes on You" page. Each week I'll post the new cartoon for your caption consideration (see above) and post the previous week's cartoon, the winning entries and all the other entries (see below). I will also try to talk a little about what I liked about the captions I chose and why I thought they worked. Feel free to post comments and ask questions. And remember, this is for entertainment purposes only, so please, no wagering.

THIS WEEK'S WINNER
This week’s winner? Well, lets just say after reading a few hundred entries, you learn to appreciate something short and pithy. Too many captions, even though they were good, all carried about the same weight with our judges. The winner kinda stood out and was different.
You guys must really be environmentally conscious based on the more-than-average number of entries we received. Some of you are so into the environment, you even sent in recycled jokes (bah-dum-DAH!)
All kidding aside, you guys did a great job with a very limited theme. I think you covered every conceivable angle.
Oh, and there's a personal note in the comments.

WINNER
"Freak!"
Sarah Luck, Norfolk VA.
Really fit the bulb's expression. Seems like a legitamate and typical response to anything new that challenges old assumptions.

RUNNERS-UP
You're a disgrace to the family!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

I think you need a good chiropractor.
Ken Layton, Carthage

“That wasn’t your online profile picture!”
Grady, Greensboro

Feel like turning on some time TODAY your majesty!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro

"Where were you invented, Dairy Queen?!"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

”You’re taking this yoga thing way too far!”
Dave Tolton, Greensboro

I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big bulbed!
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

Incandescent was good enough for for me and my father - it should be good enough for you.
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

BEST CAPTIONS TO OBVIOUSLY THE WRONG CARTOON (superman?)
“Oh, Bill’s attitude has just gotten worse, Edna. Now he even dresses sarcastically.”
“Sure, I know it’s just a phase, but the worst part is when we’re in bed and he yells ‘up, up and away…’”
“I don’t know, Edna, I guess this is what I get for having high expectations…”
“No, No, Doctor, nothing unusual to eat… although I did try that new gravy thickener last night…. Krypto-something…”
“Honestly Edna I couldn’t care less that Clark’s taking some time off from work… he’s still his old self in bed…”
Kevin Gillette

BEST OBSCURE CULTURAL REFERENCE
Kinda light (no pun intended) in this category this week
Whrer do I put the coin to get a gumball?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

BEST INSIDE JOKE
(I like these as captions too, but they’re too “inside the beltway”)

How many cartoonists did it take to screw you in?
(Tim, did you help!) Nancy Nelson

“How many JOY captioners does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

I also like …Mr. Rickard! The new bulb is picking on me again!
Theoretically ,it's MY job to appear over Rickard's head if he EVER gets a great idea!
Tim Tribbett, Greensboro
Hey, if I ever got any ideas I wouldn’t need to solicit cartoon themes from readers.

BEST/WORST PUN
Goes to everyone who used the term “watt” instead of “what.”

Oh, yeah? You're not brighter than me; that's just a filament of your imagination.
Barb Purdie, High Point

"You're under arrest----for incandescent exposure!"
Kevin Little

MATURE
Don't you EVER refer to me as a BILF again!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Unscrew you!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

Go screw yourself pal!!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You may last longer, but it takes you a long time to get turned on"
Robert Summey, Greensboro

THE REST
1.)What do you mean old timer?!
2.)You turn on about as fast as an old dude with no viagra!
3.) At least they don't have to dispose of me like toxic waste!
4.)Holy freakin' crap! Would you turn on already!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
liked number 4

1.)You're kind of a dim bulb there pal.
2.)Don't you get any toxic mercury on me!
3.) You twisted freak!
4.)Light travels at 186,000 miles per second and that"s the fastest you can turn on!?
4.) Aaaah he's got a crack! Call poison control and air out the room!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
liked number 4 again

"You don't look green"
Greg Elmore

1. What do you mean I'm being replaced?
2. I see you're using your curves to take my job.
3. You won't fit in everywhere!
4. Dim-wit!
5. Dim-lit!
6. You and your new-fangled ideas!
7. I may be old-fashioned but I sure am brighter!
8. Don't tell me to move over and make room for you!
9. I'll show you who'll last longer!
10. This is depressing!
11. Don't tell me you're going to light up my life!
12. How much time do I have left!
13. I'm about to become unscrewed!
14. You're screwing everything up.
15. You young whipper snapper, don't roll those eyes at me.
Nancy Nelson

And I don't give a watt if Pricey Harrison IS your friend.
Are you supposed to be screwed up or screwed down?
I prefer a glowworm.
You have cute curves, but I still think you're dangerous!
Joan Lux Greensboro

" You trying to steal my job with those curves ? "
" Missy, spell image and say light bulb, that's me shining bright ! "
( I Am A GE Light Bulb )
" Save those curves for your night life, please ! "
" I am not out of shape ! "
" It doesn't take a genius to FIGURE why you are replacing me ! "
" You trying to snake my job ? "
" No ! I can't do the twist ! "
" You're having twisted thoughts ! "
" Trying to screw me out of my job ? "
" You're screwing my livelihood ! "
"You should go work at a barber pole ! "
" Why don't you go work in a barber pole ? "
" You're built more for barber pole work ! "
" Who said you're the answer to spiraling costs ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Sex? How bright you are!
Glenda Layton, Carthage

Are you some kind of Indian fakir?
Ken Layton, Carthage

Do you twist your bottom into a socket, too?
Ken Layton, Carthage

I think you need a good chiropractor.
Ken Layton, Carthage

"Just because you GOT a permanent doesn't mean you ARE permanent"
no name given

15. I'm not going down without a fight!
16. You may be fancy but you're not very bright!
17. Who's bright idea was this?!
18. What do mean they're downsizing?
19. My job has been eliminated!
20. I see retirement in my near future!
21. I'm not old enough to retire!
22. I'll lose all my benefits if I get unscrewed!
23. I'm screwed in so tight they'll have to break me to get rid of me!
Nancy Nelson

You are so twisted!
Bob Jarrell, Greensboro

yea yea yea i m tried of hearing about your new diet...
Larry Thomas
Nice

Well, you've screwed me out of my job!
Susan Snyder, Greensboro

THOMAS EDISON SHOULD SEE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU
David Jones, Greensboro

What do you mean you want to procreate with the "brightest bulb on the Christmas tree"? What, do you think that will make you become brighter more quickly? You are so twisted!
Deborah Stanton, Greensboro

You may be cute, but you aren't the brightest bulb on the porch.
Tony Hummel, Reidsville

I dont care how cool you look or how bright you get or how much you lower light bills ......I'm stil better!!!!!
Brian Staples, Greensboro

"YOU WIMP! I TOLD YOU IF YOU STUCK TO THAT LOW KILOWATT HOUR DIET YOU'D SHRIVEL UP!"
Bill Rogers

Don't get bent out of shape about conservation.
James Durham-Greensboro, NC

"You think you're brighter than me?"
"You think you're hot stuff, don't you?"
"Fluorescent is for wimps!"
"Is this a joke, you look like an icecream cone!"
"How many wimps did it take to screw you in?!"
"If you pop into someone's head, their mind is twisted."
"Where were you invented, Dairy Queen?!"
"Whose bright idea were you, Ben and Jerry's?"
Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

24. I hope you have a blow out!
25. Twist and shout, I'll take you out!
26. I'll give you a blackout!
27. I have an idea, why don't you go for a swim!
28. Break dance for me baby!
29. Just because you're an Energy Star does mean you have to be so uppidty!
Nancy Nelson
Liked 29.

"Unscrew you!!"
Dennis LaJeunesse

"You may last longer, but it takes you a long time to get turned on"
Robert Summey, Greensboro

"Hey!? You're really twisted to tell a Pollock joke like that!"
Christian Pike, Siler City

And who's bright idea are you?
Kevin Smith, High Point

You guys think your brighter than the average bulb.
Allison Smith, High Point

Now thats just too kinky, you won't get turned on looking like that!
Jay Allen Boomer, Gibsonville

"You are twisted."
Terry Lambert, Greensboro

"Well, at least they don't have to send the Toxic Squad out when I break"
Joyce Spangler,Greensboro

"Honey, I don't like your new outfit!"
Debra B. Wood, Greensboro
Nice

Watts the reason you're so popular?
Tom Sandin, Greeensboro

Go screw yourself pal!!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"You may require less energy, Young Lady, but staying ON all night is unacceptable..You're grounded!
George Edmunds, Greensboro

"I don't care what the other kids are wearing - no daughter of mine is going out looking like that!"
Karen Price, McLeansville

" Who you telling to shape up or ship out ? "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"That's what you get for playing Twister all night."
"How in the heck did you get a tapeworm?"
"For Pete's sake...do you have gas?"
"What do you mean 'don't tread on me'."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

" Please don't let a little juice separate us ! "
" I need more juice to keep up with you ! "
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

You're naked, cover -up!
Mary Williams, Lexington

There's no need to get bent out of shape!
Sandy Mendenhall, Greensboro

There's no need to get bent out of shape.
Sandy Mendenhall, Greensboro

1) What do you mean it only takes 2 flies to screw in a light bulb???? (think about it)
I'm really having a hard time with these last 2. I don't see how you do it every day.
Bryan Tribbett, Roanoke, Va.
There are a lot of people who would say I don’t.

1)You designer bulbs think you are brighter tha the rest of us.
2) I am just an old fashion kind of bulb.
3) Watts up?
John Lonergan, Whitsett

"You're taking this yoga thing way too far!"
Dave Tolton, Greensboro

"You're spending money for a personal trainer to look like that?"
Denise Tolton, Greensboro

"You're under arrest----for incandescent exposure!"
Kevin Little

I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big bulbed!
Or...
I'm NOT FAT... I'm just big boned!
Either one works, but I lik the first one better since bulbs don't have bones...
Ed Deckert, Summerfield

I do not have a ghetto booty!
2.)When people get an idea you don't see a little spiral above their heads now do you?!
3.) You screw in one turn at a time just like everyone else pal!!!
4.) Why don't you go save the whales or something!!
5.) I did not cause global warming!
6.)Oh yeah? Your buddy in the trash said he would last 7 years too!
7.) CFL? You don't play football ya fibber!
8.)Cover yourself up pervert!
9.)Edison! That name mean anything to you pal?!
10.) You know what else gives off a lot of heat? The sun that's what!!
11.) Are you modern art or a light bulb?!
12.) I am not a dime a dozen!
13.)You're just a fad like those new fangled horseless carriages!
4.)Who designed you? Andy Warhol?!
15.) You don't even have a filament!
16.) Why don't you go poison a fish or something!
17.) Hey Mr. mercury why don't you go and take a temperature where the sun don't shine!
18.) I am not a wasteful inefficient relic!
19.)You're not exactly at full brightness are ya pal?!
20.) For what you cost you should be full of gold not mercury!
21.) How many global warming activists does it take to screw in a light bulb?!
22.)Tungsten?What's wrong with tungsten?!
23.)How many EPA agents does it take to screw you in?!
24.) No,I do not want to hear about how much energy you save again!
25.) I hope I burn out soon so I don't have to listen to this smug self righteous %$#*&%$ anymore!!!
26.)Well,there goes the neighborhood!
27.)Oh yeah,the way I see it we're both screwed!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro
My favorites were 23-24-25

"You have a twisted sense of humor."
"It's just watt-er weight."
"How do you know that the Slinky is the father?"
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

Don't you EVER refer to me as a BILF again!!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"Watt are you smirking about?"
"Watt are you staring at?"
"You think you're so cool..."
"You last longer, but I've always been brighter than you!"
"Your prettier, but I'm brighter than you!"
"Sure, youngster, I looked clean and bright when I was just out of the box!"
"Just out of the box and you think you're the brightest!"
"What do you mean, 'Who was Thomas Edison?"
Rob Black, High Point

30. Watts' up?! or 31. Watt up?!
32. It's not fair they made you low wattage and curvy too!
33. It's NOT time for a change!
34. Times they are a changing!
35. Energy Star Light, Engery Star Bright!
36. Blackouts can be fun!
37. Your filament is showing!
38. I wish they'd stop flippering that switch!
39. On off, on off!
40. You have an electric personality, NOT!
41. My wiring is coming unglued!
41. I'm all wired up!
42. Are you my backup?(I liked all the captions this past week! Some good ones didn't make it though!)
Nancy Nelson
I agree. That's true this week too.

"I warned you about fooling around with those neon floosies in that 'Freak Circus' sign!"
D.R. Gunn, Madison

Oh yea, well I may be more expensive to operate and I may not last as long, but at least I don't look like a Slinky!
Dean Tribbett - Virginia Beach VA
Hey, you need to put something on, you may scare the children!
Dean Tribbett, Virginia Beach Va

43. Lights out!
44. I can feel my light going out!
45. My light's over!
46. Beam me up!
47. I'm shocked!
48.This news is shocking!
49. Give me a break!
50. How many ... did it take to screw you in?
51. How many cartoonists did it take to screw you in?
(Tim, did you help!) Nancy Nelson

1.) Why don't you go blow a fuse!!!
2.) Enough with the abuse!! I'm outta here...uh a little help please!
3.)Someone unscrew me so I can kick his self righteous glass!
4.) What do you mean you don't do dimmer switches!
5.) I guess I'm just SOOO lucky to be in the presence of such greatness!!
6.) Who are you calling cheap!!!
7.)When you've been around for about a century THEN you can criticize me!!!
8.)Why don't you go save a polar icecap or something!!
9.)Feel like turning on some time TODAY your majesty! 10.) YOU DIMBULB!!!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro(Boy,that is one angry looking light bulb ya got there Tim)
I thought your captions did a good job of matching his expression

So you're the young bright new whipper snapper I keep hearing about?
Randy Payne, Greensboro

1.)You keep talkin bout my momma like that and I'll pop a cap in your glass!
2.)Oh yes,PLEASE tell me how much energy you save yet AGAIN!!!
3.) I don't care what you're feeling, I ain't giving you any sexual healing!
4.)What do you mean junk in my trunk!
5.) Mr. Rickard! The new bulb is picking on me again!
6.) Theoretically ,it's MY job to appear over Rickard's head if he EVER gets a great idea!
7.)Stop touching me! He's touching me again!
8.) I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

So, you're green, huh? You look pretty white to me!
Annie S., Greensboro

"Freak!"
Sarah Luck - Norfolk VA

1)Watt's your problem?
2) You're a disgrace to the family!
3) It's those late hours you've been keeping!
Bill Beerman, Greensboro

52. I can see, you're already twisted!
29. Just because you're an Energy Star doesn't mean you have to be so uppidty!
35. Energy Star Light, Energy Star Bright! (Sorry my spelling is horrible)
Nancy Nelson

"So how long before you can wash that out?"
"For the last time, your father was not a Slinky."
"Looks like someone is having a bad filament day."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

My goodness, what would Edison think of you.?
Man you are really screwed up.
Wayne Smith

You think you're so bright
Jane Norman, Greensboro

"You're so twisted."
You like that pretzel logic
Incandescent was good enough for for me and my father - it should be good enough for you.
Oh, sure - Just because Pricey Harrison likes you you think you are special ...
Like we will ever see an idea CFL over a person's head in the comics
Jon Barsanti Jr, Hillsborough

"You might save a lot of energy, but your still ugly as homemade sin".
Jim Almon, Greensboro

" Who said I was Power Hungry ? "
" Did you say I was Power Hungry ? "
" Who told you I was Power Hungry ?
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington, NC

"What do you mean I don't last long enough?"
Submitted by Gail Webster, Jamestown

You can go round and round on the issue, but the truth is we're both screwed.
Barb Purdie, High point

Oh, yeah? You're not brighter than me; that's just a filament of your imagination.
Barb Purdie, High Point

1) "I used to be that flexible back in the day!"
2) "It's just holiday weight!"
3) "Back in my day, 60 Watts was cool!"
4) "Is this how we raised you??"
5) "I don't care if 'everyone else is doing it'!"
6) ".eHarmony is way off base this time."
7) "That wasn't your online profile picture!"
8) "Do you kids even know what a filament is?"
9) "Light a match will ya, that gas smells horrible"
10) "Oh great, there goes the neighborhood."
11) "Borrow a ballast? What the heck is that?"
12) "Unbelievable! Do I at least get severance pay?"
Grady, Greensboro
Quite a few of these made the short list. Good work.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN " AM I A/C OR D/C " ??
RC SAUNDERS, MADISON

They're clapping for me, not you ! It turns me on !
Go find your own corner to brighten !
What do you mean lighten up on the juice ?
You need to work in a Winery !
I don't know What's Watt anymore !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Son, Duke Energy will not give you a job with a haircut like that. You kids!
Leo Rideaux, Greensoro

53. You're such a light weight!
54. Light on, light off!
55. You're so transparent!
Nancy Nelson

"O.K, you were playing with a Slinky and then what happened?"
"For gosh sakes Harold, put a shade on."
Joel Tuggle, Archdale

A light bulb? You look more like a fat cork screw.
How do you know which end goes in the socket?
Don Rankin, Greensboro

" I may not be the brightest bulb but at least my intestines aren't showing."
"What have you done with my wife?!"
"Who are you calling incandescent?!"
"Your intestines are showing."
Brent Wooten, Thomasville

1) " At least I don't have gas ! "
2) " It's to bad that Al Gore doesn't have an off switch. "
3) " You'd have to wear a sweater just to attract a moth to you. "
4) " I think they screwed you in backwards. "
5) " If you MUST know, it took three guys ! "
6) " Thanks to you I'm being transferred to the easy bake oven ! "
7) " I can't believe you are going to out live me. "
8) " What are you talking about ? I don't even know a polish guy. "
9) " Take a hike treehugger ! "
10) " Wait till the union hears about this. "
11) " How many environmentalist does it take to screw you in ? "
12) " Somebody need to put a shade on this guy ! "
13) " You're not going anywhere looking like that ! "
14) " Compact-Fluorescent-Energy-Efficient-Light Bulbs ? I'm just gonna call you Curly ! "
15) " WATTS the big idea ? " ( pun contender )
Deadpan

You're bright, but that doesn't always mean you're right !
You're good, but you're no Star of Bethlehem !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Whrer do I put the coin to get a gumball?
Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

"At least no one's ever accused ME of being a little loopy!"
"Oh, yeah? I may have a big head, but you've always been a little loopy!"
"No, I'm not green that you've gone green!"
"I just never thought anyone in OUR family would ever go green!"
"I'm not fat. I'm just big-boned!"
"I just don't like when other light bulbs check out your womanly curves!"
"I may not be as bright as you, but it doesn't take me as long to get turned on!"
Kris Voy, Trinity
Liked the big boned one, but someone else beat you to the idea.

"New and curvy, meet old and round"
Margie Ellington, Reidsville

You might replace me, but you'll never replace the Star on the Christmas Tree!
You might replace me, but you'll never replace the Star of Bethlehem!
You might replace me, but never the Star of Bethlehem!
I know I'm no Star of David, but you're no Star of Bethlehem either!
You might replace me, but you'll never make it too top of Christmas tree!
You might bump me, but it takes twinkle & color to get on the Christmas Tree!
You must agree, We are an Odd Couple !
We are an Odd Couple !
You're too young for me !
Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"Oh, Bill's attitude has just gotten worse, Edna. Now he even dresses sarcastically."
"Sure, I know it's just a phase, but the worst part is when we're in bed and he yells 'up, up and away...'"
"I don't know, Edna, I guess this is what I get for having high expectations..."
"No, No, Doctor, nothing unusual to eat... although I did try that new gravy thickener last night.... Krypto-something..."
"Honestly Edna I couldn't care less that Clark's taking some time off from work... he's still his old self in bed..."
Kevin Gillette, San Diego, CA

"Yeah? Well you don't light up my life either!"
"You're not the brightest bulb in the socket, are you?"
"CFL? I thought that was the Canadian Football League."
"Let me illuminate you, buddy! I was here long before you were!"
"How many Gore family members DOES it take to change a light bulb?"
"It's just unnatural, I tell ya."
"Don't gimme that ozone stuff either!"
"Man, you're about as screwed up as they get!"
Don Byers, Greensboro

1. You are one "Twisted Sister."
2. Doing the "Twist" was popular years ago.
3. Chubby Checker did a better twist.
4. You're not as cool as you think.
5. See what happens when they screw you into the socket too fast.
6. And you wonder why your parents put you up for adoption.
7. Stop showing off and go back to normal.
8. I told you not to have that extra highball.
9. Edison must be turning over in his grave.
Dick Ellis, Pleasant Garden

1. "Get a shade!"
2. "Gas AND poison! You're twisted dude."
3. "I'm not worried - I get all the bright ideas."
Tom Norman, Greensboro

Ok new guy, I have been screwed up here to long and me and the Christmas lights are making a break for it tonight. Are you in?
james

"I told you that dieting would screw you up."
Jean Brockman, Pleasant Garden

"Who you callin' 'Not So Bright???' "
CC Cockerham, Greensboro

56. It'll be a hot time in the old town tonight!
57. Woh, you're such a hottie!
58. Baby light my fire!
59. You have curves appeal!Nancy Nelson

“If we’re going to be this close I wish you’d try another fila mint.”
“How many JOY captioners does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
“The electrician bragged that you really ‘light up a room.’”
“Don’t expose yourself around me you pervert.”
“I was expecting a flasher not a pervert.”
Gray Amick, Greensboro

Sure you have a hot new body but you're just as "screwed up" as the rest of us.
"Watts the bright idea?"
Scottie Carratello, Jamestown,