Comment is Free
Jeff Jarvis, in commenting on the discussion at Comment is Free about appropriate comment, points to this instructional post by Daniel Davies, a stockbroker in London.
It is not nice having complete strangers email you to tell you that you're an idiot and everything you've ever said is rubbish. Now imagine what it would be like if they also had your phone number so they could call you up and say the same thing. Now imagine that every time you make a mistake or the world turns out different from how you expected, you have to call them up and be nice to them, while they are still saying you're an idiot and your analysis is rubbish. Now imagine that there is a screen on your desk which shows a set of numbers that indicate whether you're right or wrong, and every time you're wrong it takes some money out of your bank balance.
What I'm trying to say here is that in ten years as a stockbroker, I have learned one or two things about dealing with negative feedback that other contributors to CiF might find useful.
He goes on to enumerate four strategies to follow with blog posts and comments:
1. Keep your eyes on the prize. ...but what matters is what happened, not what Jim-Bob or Mary-Sue thought about it....
2. Never go silent. ...Simply confining yourself to the one-way communication channel of the top posts is patronising and undemocratic, and it's not surprising that it drives people mad....
3. Operate a graduated response. ...In general it makes sense to be a bit more polite than your critic up to a certain threshold, and a bit ruder thereafter....
4. Develop a capacity to bear grudges. ...The simple act of making a mental note to do someone a bad turn the next time you get the chance is powerfully therapeutic, and this can be extended into days of low-level pleasure as you bide your time, waiting for the facts to turn decisively in your favour....
We're watching closely all the debates about appropriate and inappropriate comments, and anonymous, pseudonymous and identifiable commenters. We're preparing to introduce a registration system -- next week, we hope -- that will, among other things, enable comments on some stories. We also hope it has the side effect of discouraging the trolls.
I don't necessarily follow Davies suggestions. I'll occasionally go silent to avoid drowning out discussion or because I've nothing to add. And I'm unclear on the benefit of bearing grudges. Still, it's worth noting.
Comments (5)
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One of the things I hate most about blogging (which I love) is that people often feel completely justified in being incredibly rude or antagonistic toward people they've never met in a way they never would be were they having the conversation in person.
I can't tell you how many times I've met someone who had nothing but venom for me online simply because they didn't agree with something I'd said only to meet them in person and find them mild as a doormouse and sort of embarassed by their behavior. Sometimes it takes just the smallest level of anonymity to bring out the worst in people.
Posted on May 22, 2006 5:10 PM
"Sometimes it takes just the smallest level of anonymity to bring out the worst in people."
Or just that slightest bit of snark, anonymity aside. It works both ways.
Posted on May 22, 2006 7:06 PM
Just what I'd expect from a left-wingnut like you, Killian. You, too, Bubba.
OK, sorry guys. Just practicing.
Posted on May 22, 2006 7:38 PM
That's Daniel Davies who wrote The One Minute MBA (Avoiding Projects Pursued By Morons 101)
...which is well worth reading.
Posted on May 22, 2006 8:38 PM
Blog evangelists like Jarvis like to pretend that this is something unique to blogs, but it's actually far older than that. My harshest critics in the anonymous or distant world of cyberspace have a tendency of becoming pals of mine when we actually converse, face-to-face or by e-mail.
Posted on May 27, 2006 3:50 PM