Advice for a graduate
My Sunday newspaper column
Our younger daughter starts her freshman year in college next week.
My wife and I have been dreading this for months; she's so much fun to have around.
Yet, I believe that God has a plan to help those of us who don't want departure day to come. It's called summer.
Mix a cup of carefree summer spirit with two tablespoons of excitement of leaving 12 years of educational servitude, and add a pinch of the freedom promised by college, and you've got yourself a toxic recipe that will test the patience of even the calmest, most loving parent.
But that will be officially over in a week and she moves into a stage of adulthood. I think she's ready.
When she was 15, she wanted to quit her soccer team, the Greensboro Twisters, a successful team that was at the highest level of competitive soccer. She thought there was more to life than practice and fitness drills.
We didn't like it, but we decided that it was time to let her make some big decisions.
When she turned 16 and wanted to enroll in the International Baccalaureate program at Grimsley High School, we took a deep breath. The IB program is an intense education curriculum that requires almost as many hours of work outside school as it does inside school. Was it right for her? Did the courses fit what she wanted to do? Would she have enough time, given all of her extracurricular activities?
As it turned out, both of her decisions were right. She played soccer for the high school team, and she graduated in June with an IB diploma.
Yes, these and dozens of other successes and failures help me conclude that she's ready to leap into the next stage of life. And it is a leap: away from the safety of home, the comfort of friends and the planned structure of each day.
Two years ago, when her older sister headed off to college, I gave her what I called "loving parental advice." I’m going to repeat and revise some of that here.
* I hate to break it to you, but even with that fancy diploma you don't know everything. Now is the time, though, to learn as much as you can. The world is a wondrous place. Embrace it. Open your mind to the new people and new possibilities.
* There's no such thing as an Easy Button. Set high goals and roll with the punches. Work hard, show up on time, and keep your word. Do that, and you'll be fine.
* Be independent and tough-minded. You will be surrounded by smart, passionate people in college, trying to push you this way or that. Whatever. Define your own worth. Make your own choices. It's OK to change your mind. It's OK to admit you are wrong. The world is rarely black and white. Understand and live within the grays.
* Remain a believer. We have provided you with a spiritual grounding. You have a strong moral core and a good heart. That will hold you in good stead as you search for what's right for you.
* Don't stand on the sidelines. Make a difference in the world by serving others. You've been blessed with opportunities. Don't waste them by being selfish. I know you'll be busy in college, but find the time to give back.
* You are part of a vast group of friends and family. We're proud of how you've turned out. Know that so that when you're feeling adrift in a mean and uncivil world, know that you really aren't. The mooring lines to us are still attached; they're simply looser. Pull yourself in when you need to.
Someone once told me that being a parent meant long nights and short years. I know this to be true. Enjoy the next four years -- yes, you’re on the four-year plan. If college isn't fun, you're doing something wrong.
And don't forget: call your mother. It will make life easier on us both.
Comments (2)
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Great advice and thanks for sharing.
Why is it again that folks don't like you?...weird...
Posted on August 12, 2007 8:48 PM
Thanks. It's funny. I've gotten more feedback by one-to-one e-mail and face-to-face about this column than any column I've written in a long time, but on the blog, only you venture in.
That may answer your question.
Posted on August 13, 2007 9:48 AM