The following is a Counterpoint:

By George and Pat Gates

"Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star."
— Ambrose Bierce

Our son Stephen was killed by a hit-and-run driver. A legal loophole, subsequently closed, made it possible for the perpetrators to escape accountability. So, we've had good reason to think long and often — obsess, maybe — about accountability.

After reading "Anchor Speaks About Accident" and repeatedly watching the video released by Tolly Carr's lawyer, we are moved to respond.

By all accounts, Tolly Carr has been an admirable young man. He appears remorseful; but, unfortunately, it seems most about his own fall from "prince to pauper."

He seems to accept no accountability for what he did to someone else, but rather laments that his life has been devastated. As much as that is true — and we are saddened by that fact — we hope he can learn a different expression of sorrow.

We know, from the victim's side, how the family of Casey Bokhoven must feel after seeing that video. We heard similar "apologies" after our son's death from those involved: sorrow for our loss, sorrow for the anguish visited on their lives, and most distressing, sorrow that this event had "happened," somehow independent of their own decisions and actions.

Perhaps it is unintended, or perhaps he's been legally advised to be cautious. Either way, Carr's words are an inadequate gesture. He asked for prayers that the Bokhoven family might get over their anger.

His kind of apology will likely make them more angry, and justifiably so. The only satisfactory apology is one that acknowledges accountability: "I'm sorry for the choices I did or did not make, for the actions I did or did not take, for the awful thing I did to you." Those are words quite different from, "I'm sorry for your loss; I'm sorry that you're angry; I'm sorry my own life has been ruined."

We do not wish ill of Mr. Carr. No good ever comes from vengeance. We do hope he realizes this important difference. Things can be responsible: a tornado, a star falling from the sky, even a swerving car.

But only people can elect to be accountable. People with the moral courage to say, for good or ill, "I did this, and I am sorry for what it caused."

We hope that Tolly Carr, a good and decent man, will find that courage. And, we pray that the Bokhoven family might accept that as a first step on their long road to forgiveness.

The writers live in Greensboro.