How NOT to do it
I'm never going to write the Great American Novel, but even I know that if you're running a newspaper that is losing audience and trying to gain some back by crafting hip writing to appeal to the youth market, you should not try stuff like this:
John G. Roberts Jr. is breathing the kind of air that the rest of us can only dream about, the air of kings and queens and one-name celebrities like Oprah.He's got Mick Jagger juice now, baby.
Leaving aside the fact that the last Stones album that was anywhere near great was "Tattoo You," released almost a quarter-century ago, I'm pretty sure that if you were to poll 100 people who knew much about the Stones, upwards of 90 of them would say that having "Mick Jagger juice" would equate to having sold one's soul to the devil, a connotation I'm reasonably sure the reporter did not intend. (As for what the rest would say, I'm not even going there.)
In all fairness, the rest of the article isn't that hideous -- it's a light, and lightweight, piece about the benefits of actual or effective lifetime employment. But after reading the first two grafs, I had to force myself to read the rest to reach that conclusion. And that's a minute of my life I'm not ever going to get back.