News-Record.com

Just a minute ago I got a piece of spam aimed at subprime lenders, a subdivision of mortgage lenders who appear to be about to take what looks like a very serious hit.

It started:

Hi,

Are your files threatened by the collapse of the Sub-Prime Market? Do you have disappointed 100% Clients?

WE MAY HAVE THE SOLUTION!

The URL followed, as did a whole bunch of tedious stuff that wouldn't have helped me even if I were a subprime lender.

It's sort of like watching Florida play Florida State -- you want them both to lose.

Except, of course, for the part where the outcome of Florida-Florida State doesn't take significant chunks out of the U.S. housing market. Griffin or Doak stadiums, maybe.

(Disclosure: My current editor's a Florida alum and a good half or so of my late father's family went to FSU, so it's even money whether numbers or propinquity decides this battle.)

I'm trying to write a story, but our main publishing system is down. While I try to write a draft in Word and also try to get some reporting done on other stories, I'm also taking note of what's going on around me. Well, except for looking over the shoulder of Taft Wireback in the next cube. He's a former Golden Gloves boxer, and I do not want to rile him.

First, the Braves' starting rotation appears to be in good shape. I have not heard as much about the team's bullpen. This concerns me.

Then, two pieces of news related to big efforts in what open-source journalism:

• NewAssignment.net, the Jay Rosen-led experiment, has launched. You'll find information there about the overall mission and goals, as well as a way to receive an info newsletter and, if you want to participate, a place where you can go to get an assignment. Other links include one where you can contribute story ideas. It's having some minor tech problems related to start-up, but go anyway.
• When the House Judiciary Committee released something on the order of 3,000 documents related to the firings of several U.S. attorneys last night, I'm not sure how long it thought people would take to go through them for the "good parts." Bloggers Josh Marshall and Paul Kiel, who run TPMMuckraker.com, have a history of open-source journalism by pinning down, early in 2005, most congresscritters' public positions on Social Security privatization. Around 1 a.m. today, Kiel wrote, "Josh and I were just discussing how in the world we are ever going to make our way through 3,000 pages when it hit us: we don't have to. Our readers can help." The comments show how quickly 1) they set up a mechanism for readers to contribute with a maximum of verifiability and a minimum of duplicated effort -- and how quickly readers started getting past the filler to the substance.''

Finally, as to House investigations of the firings themselves, this bit from the U.S. News & World Report blog The News Desk:

The Justice Department now says the document dump will contain closer to 2000 documents. [That figure predates the actual, larger dump.]

"You have no idea," said one Justice official, "how bad it is here."

The fear that virtually any piece of communication will have to be turned over has paralyzed department officials' ability to communicate effectively and respond in unison to the crisis, as has the fact that senior Justice officials themselves say they still don't know the entire story about what happened that led to the crisis. So they are afraid that anything they put down on paper could be viewed as lies or obfuscation, when in fact, the story is changing daily as new documents are found and as the Office of Legal Counsel conducts its own internal probe into the matter.

That high-pitched squeak you hear is me playing the world's smallest violin.

Open government, folks. It works from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and Capitol Hill right on down to 16 W. Jones St. in Raleigh and 300 W. Washington St. in Greensboro.

The N&R's 13th annual roundup of the idiotic, the ironic and the just plain weird is here. Enjoy.

Josh Jennings: Not a real candidate. But his ads are really funny.

And, seriously? Please vote tomorrow. If you're, you know, eligible and all. Otherwise, not so much. Thanks!

Recently I was walking TALKING with someone locally and mentioned that there was a local group working to make sure poorer communities in our area had Internet access. At the time, I was offline and couldn't remember exactly what the group was doing, or who was involved, but I knew I had the info in my e-mail at work and I promised to put the person I was talking to in touch with that group.

So now I'm back at work and I have the info handy. Unfortunately, I've completely forgotten whom I was talking to about it. I've gone back through my calendar, e-mail and other stuff to try to jog my memory and I've come up blank. I'm pretty sure the occasion must have been social since I have no record of this in my story notebooks. But I don't have that many social engagements, and I'm still coming up empty.

So if it was you -- or if it wasn't you, but the subject interests you and you think you might want to help -- please give me a shout and I'll hook you up with that group.

I'm all about the help, so here's some useful advice for those of you responsible for bringing outside experts in to train people in your company:

Do not puncture the outside expert. Otherwise, he might be reluctant to return.

Just thought you should know.

Having missed much of last week with strep and a sinus infection, I'm way behind, so let me hit a few high spots quickly:

• ConvergeSouth was a blast. Thanks in particular to Dan Rubin and Wendy Warren from Philly and Doug Fisher from the University of South Carolina for coming and contributing their insights.
• I'm working this week on, in no particular order, a story about falling local incomes, a groundbreaking business story (pun intended), and some more issues related to veterans benefits.
• On Wednesday, I'm also speaking to a media seminar at my alma mater that's led by Larry Jinks, a longtime Knight Ridder hand who sits on the McClatchy board.

That's the news for now. More as developments warrant.

In signing the 2007 Homeland Security appropriations bill into law, President Bush issued a, well, curious signing statement:

Bush's signing statement Wednesday challenges several other provisions in the Homeland Security spending bill. Bush, for example, said he'd disregard a requirement that the director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency must have at least five years experience and "demonstrated ability in and knowledge of emergency management and homeland security."

His rationale was that it "rules out a large portion of those persons best qualified by experience and knowledge to fill the office."

Two words: Say what?

Back in the spring, when the Senate spent three days debating a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, some reporter suggested that doing so (when the amendment was doomed to fail and everyone in both parties knew it) was purely a political show.

Sen. Rick Santorum, the Pennsylvania Republican, insisted, however, that gay marriage is "potentially the greatest moral issue of our time" and added, ""This is the big buzz in media now: 'This is being brought up for political purposes; this has nothing to do with the substance of the matter.' If it was purely politics, let me assure you we'd be debating this in September."

Now that we've legalized torture, can we please start with Congress?

If you have never seen the documentary "9/11," you're missing something very painful. But it's also very, very good; my personal opinion is bolstered by the awards it has won -- multiple Emmys, a Peabody, a Writers Guild of America prize.

CBS plans to air the 112-minute documentary on the fifth anniversary of 9/11. There's just one problem. CBS plans to broadcast the documentary uncut ... and the American Family Association -- "America's largest Pro-Family Online Action Site!" -- is mad because the documentary includes a few curse words, which the organization characterizes as "a tremendous amount of hardcore profanity."

The American Family Association is run by the Rev. Don Wildmon, who first crossed my radar two decades ago for criticizing NBC because he thought that the parody-heavy-metal group Spinal Tap's performance of "Christmas With the Devil" on "Saturday Night Live" was a real heavy-metal performance.

Keep that example of Wildmon's razor-sharp powers of discernment in mind when his group claims, on the basis of precisely zero evidence, that:

CBS wants no limits. This is a test case for CBS to see how far they can go. If there is no out-pouring of complaints from the public, they will go further the next time. ...

The goal of CBS is to be able to show whatever they want at anytime. The network wants no restraints on their programming. If they are allowed to get away with this, they will simply air even more profanity in the future.

So the AFA is asking people to e-mail the Federal Communications Commission, the network and its local affiliates (WFMY, channel 2, in the Triad) demanding that the offending words not be aired.

Here's a couple of clues, for a group that appears badly in need of some:

• It's a documentary. That means it's journalism. No one inserted bad language into this film just to boost the audience numbers or titillate viewers. The filmmakers have an affirmative duty to be truthful. Like it or not, bad language was a part, albeit a small part, of America's response to the horrors of that day.
• Unlike the AFA, it would appear, I have actually seen the film and can assure you that the profanity is a small part of it.
• And in terms of its relevance to the work as a whole, complaining about profanity in "9/11" is like complaining about the shade of grass in a football game.

That's not to say that "9/11" isn't difficult viewing. Its producers were the only people to capture on video the first crash, that of American Airlines Flight 11 into the north tower. It shows, briefly, people jumping or falling from the towers, and if I recall correctly, in at least one segment you can hear, though not see, the impact of one such person.

But it's real power to move comes not from scenes of violence but from the emotions with which people recall that day, from a vantage point of just weeks or months after it happened. Their pain becomes your own.

I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, even the AFA. But I will say this: If the AFA want to really hear "a tremendous amount of hardcore profanity," they're welcome to give me a call.

LizardBreath at the blog Unfogged, who did a stint in Samoa from 1992 to '94, answers the question:

The substantive work I did wasn't all that useful. I was teaching math and science to high school senior equivalents, and it was really kind of pointless: first, the students had been very poorly taught before I got them ...

My value to the Samoan government was solely that I was free, because the US paid my salary, and they would otherwise have had to pay a Samoan teacher to do the same job. I was the equivalent of a cash payment of about $3500/year (a teacher' s salary, if I've done the math right) to the Samoan government. ...

However (emphasis in original), and this is the big kicker, while I don't know how useful PC is generally to the people we're trying to help, I'm very certain that it is incredibly, incredibly helpful to the US's image abroad. ... The US gave very little aid comparatively, but a whole lot of Volunteers, and we got the credit for everything. No one cares if you buy them an office building, but a couple of dozen twenty-somethings going to the village dances and trying to help people, even if it's totally ineffective, is spectacular PR. If I were graduating from college and wanted to do something patriotic, rather than simply charitable, joining the Peace Corps would be high on my list. (And if I were the US government, I'd be pushing PC into more Muslim countries, even loosening the safety requirements, for this very reason. ...)

Hmm. I hadn't thought about that. Interesting.

I've been involved in some discussion at other blogs about the national media's mischaracterization of Ned Lamont, who upset three-term Sen. Joe Lieberman in Connecticut's recent Democratic primary, as a "far-left liberal." The national media also claimed that Lamont was a one-issue, out-of-Iraq candidate and said other things about him and about the campaign that people I know who actually, like, live in Connecticut told me were just flat untrue.

Lindsay Beyerstein, a blogger who would love to belong to the far left if she could only find the darned thing, reports this experience (links in original):

So, you can imagine my excitement when I heard the far left was poised to take over the Democratic party from its rumored stronghold in Meridan, Connecticut. ...

I was there for two days, and [Lamont] didn't promise to nationalize a damned thing. Frankly, I don't think he's serious about banning the Bible.

Hee.

The LA Times profiles Joe Francis, the creator of the "Girls Gone Wild" videos (his crew stopped here recently to film).

Entertainer or sociopath (or both)? You make the call.

So ... what'd I miss?

Jellyfish are often a problem for swimmers at Carolinas beaches this time of year, but apparently it is particularly bad down around Wrightsville and Carolina beaches.

I recent spent a week at Ocean Isle and saw nary a one -- a little to my surprise, given the heat. But it's a big deal: Even a small jellyfish sting will make you miserable for a couple of hours. (I speak from sad experience here.) A jellyfish once wrapped itself around my brother Frank's thigh, and as I recall, if he could walk for at least a day afterward, he darned well didn't want to. Even a moderate-size jellyfish might well send you to the ER.

First aid? A 5-percent acetic acid solution, more commonly known as white vinegar, is your best bet. Meat tenderizer and sodium bicarbonate also will help in a pinch. If you do use meat tenderizer, it needs to come off within 15 minutes, and rinse it off with SALT water, not fresh. (More first-aid info here.)

Enjoy the beach.

I'm back from vacation. What'd I miss?

Then click here ... and see how, and why, we might soon never click again.

Hilzoy at Obsidian Wings breaks the story: The media are in league with al-Qaeda!

Letter to the Editor, Denver Post, 6/26/06:

Why have those who have continually howled at our treatment of prisoners at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo met the recent kidnapping and sadistic and brutal murders of our two young soldiers with deafening silence? Where is your outrage now? Not only should we behead 100 prisoners in retaliation (complete with Web-posted snuff videos), but also the editors, commentators, college professors and left-wing congressmen who would suddenly break their silence to come out in support of these enemy jihadists. We need to stop listening to these sanctimonious hypocrites who apply the rules of war only to our side. Let us untie the hands of our troops and allow them to fight and win.

Dave Petteys, Littleton

One of the subplots of the delightfully twisted 1989 movie "Heathers," which I last saw probably right after it came out on video, was, if I remember correctly, the notion that a pop song called "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It)" could actually convince kids not to commit suicide (and hit No. 1 on the pop charts). Now, this subplot was taking place against the backdrop of a plot in which the main character and her boyfriend are killing off other students and making those deaths look like suicides, but the movie's tone with respect to the song was pretty clear: it was inane.

So I'm pretty sure the people making this public-service announcement either didn't see "Heathers" or didn't get it if they did.

Anyone whose biggest pet office peeve is ringing cell phones is blessed beyond measure and just needs to stop whining.

JR blogs here about the recent New York Times Book Review's list of the most distinguished American fiction in the past 25 years, along with a similar list compiled by North Carolina authors. It sort of puts me in a bind. On the one hand, as an English major I feel sort of obliged to stand up for the discipline. On the other, most of my "pleasure" reading for the past decade or more has been either nonfiction or the kind of trashy, quick-read fiction that wouldn't be mistaken for literature even in the darkest of alleys.

Of the books on the Times list, I've read "Beloved" by Toni Morrison; three of the four Rabbit Angstrom novels; "A Confederacy of Dunces," by John Kennedy Toole; "Winter's Tale," by Mark Helprin (I enjoyed this when it first came out, but I think I must have overlooked a lot of its value, so I should re-read it); "White Noise," by Don DeLillo; "The Counterlife," by Phillip Roth; and "Independence Day," by Richard Ford.

If I were compiling my own list, I'd have to include "Cold Mountain," by Charles Frazier; "A Lesson Before Dying," by Ernest Gaines; "Gospel," by Wilton Barnhardt; and "Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch," by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. The latter is kind of lightweight as literature goes, but never was there a more clever and affectionate satire written -- the only thing in any creative area that I think comes close is Mel Brooks' film "Young Frankenstein."

Most of the nonfiction I read isn't exactly what you'd call literary, but some of it is. As possible contenders in that group, I'd have to throw out "Liar's Poker," by Michael Lewis; "The Killer Angels" by Michael Shaara; "Blood Done Sign My Name," by Tim Tyson; and "To Hate Like This Is to be Happy Forever," by Will Blythe.

Finally, I'll continue JR's meme:

• The book that I stayed up all night reading: "The Stand."
• The book I always recommend to others: "Good Omens."
• Most recent book that gave me an Oprah moment: I'm not sure what an Oprah moment is, so I'll pass on this one.
• The author whose books I buy as soon as they come out: I don't really have one of these.
• The literary character I still miss: Yeah, I miss Travis McGee, too.

I started working full-time, by which I mean 35 or more hours a week, in the fall of 1979, my sophomore year of college. And I have worked full-time (by which I mean frequently in excess of 55 hours per week) ever since. That's coming up on 27 years now.

Twenty. Seven. Years.

And in all that time, do you think a single soul -- a friend, a loved one, anyone who cares about me as a person, wants me to succeed in life and has my best interests at heart -- bothered to inform me that you're supposed to wear underwear to work?

No. I have to learn this by reading about it in today's News & Record.

Thanks a lot.

I've had to follow a trail of blood more times in my life than I like to think about, which is the only reason I bring this up: This morning, when I came into the office, I had to follow a very blood-like trail of spilled coffee up the stairs to the second floor, where the newsroom is. Indeed, the trail was so blood-like I half-expected to find Sam Spade in a trenchcoat slumped against the wall on the second-floor landing, clutching his side with coffee leaking around his fingers.

I found nothing at all, of course.

Question: If I was half-tempted to lick the coffee up off the floor, does that mean I have a caffeine problem?

We all know that the Number of the Beast is 666. (Well, except for those who think it might be 616.)

But the Beast apparently has other signifiers, including:

More at the link.

"Achy Breaky Heart," Billy Ray Cyrus: there's proof! (Caution: large *.pdf file)

Study finds no proof of space aliens.

Offered without comment (if I can hold out against the urge to do so), this classified ad from Craigslist:

I know this is a long shot, but it's worth a try. This month I attained my B.S. degreee in journalism with a minor in marketing. I hope to one day soon be a leading broadcast journalist, but feel that my small chest is holding me back.

I am seeking understanding, kind-hearted people who are willing to invest in my A-cup breasts and help me finance a breast augmentation surgery and advance my career in broadcast journalism.

The surgery will cost $3,000 and get me up to a full C-cup. I believe that this is the final piece that I need to have more self-confidence and gain better job opportunities.

In this day and age, I know how important looking good is for any career. I know this surgery will increase my chances three-fold on top of my education, experience and talent.

Please reply if you can help. This is not only an investment in my confidence; It is an investment in my fruitful career. Thank you.

Must ... not ... snark ...

(Via reader Phred)

From this morning's "Politics Hour" chat at washingtonpost.com with Washington Post national politic reporter Tom Edsall:

Washington, D.C.: If [In? -- Lex] defending his former "reporter," Jon Stewart said that the correspondents dinner is, "where the President and the press corps consummate their loveless marriage."

There is something just so...right...about that.

Tom Edsall: It is a great line. He should try the Gridiron Dinner if he wants to see the consumation turned into an orgy.

One word: Ew.

According to AllergyHealthOnline, the Top 10 Spring Allergy Capitals are:

1. Hartford, Conn.

2. Greenville, S.C.

3. Boston, Mass.

4. Detroit, Mich.

5. Orlando, Fla.

6. Knoxville, Tenn.

7. Omaha, Neb.

8. Sacramento, Calif.

9. Washington, D.C.

10. Baltimore, Md.

I'm a little surprised not to see Atlanta on there. A friend tells me that the pollen count, typically around 450 in a bad year, is several multiples higher.

(Via Al)

Widespread rumor to the contrary, I am not a candidate for the opening. My brothers, both alums, wept with joy when I told them.

... the shipping container! Born in Newark, midwifed by a North Carolina trucker named Malcolm McLean, containerization revolutionized shipping.

LASIK surgery you can perform at home!*

*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA.

And, yes, this is a joke ... and what a note-perfect joke it is!

Today is National High Five Day.

(To my son, every day is High Five Day, but whatever.)

Zombie fish from hell!

Friday fun, Tuesday edition:

Seems Coloradans for Marriage, a group that supports a constitutional ban on gay marriage in that state, has assembled a list of Great Things About Marriage:

Geez. I work in the liberal media, and even *I* don't think marriage is THIS bad.

Just sayin'.

So there's now a Honda Accord hybrid car.

Which starts at $30,990 retail.

And gets 34 mpg highway/25 mpg city.

For many years I owned a 1987 Volkswagen Golf. It also got 34 mpg on the highway, but more like 28 in the city. And it wasn't a hybrid. It burned straight unleaded, no chaser.

And I bought it new for $18,858 in today's dollars.

So what, exactly, is Honda's point here?

Buck wild: When nature fights back.

(Edited to remove link to video, because the link kept changing.)

If you're one of those people who was upset about the fact that Russia's biggest spammer was beaten to death in his own apartment because you thought he should've suffered more, you're going to love blogger Driftglass's investigation into spamming, American style. (Part 1: Spam and Punishment; Part 2: Fear and Loathing on the Spam-Pain Trail) (Some language NSFW.)

Makes you wonder why, if some quasi-foul-mouthed blogger can track this stuff down, some enterprising federal prosecutor didn't do it a long time ago.

Apparently one of the top anthems of my misspent youth is now an open invitation to be arrested:

British anti-terrorism detectives escorted a man from a plane after a taxi driver had earlier become suspicious when he started singing along to a track by punk band The Clash, police said Wednesday.

Detectives halted the London-bound flight at Durham Tees Valley Airport in northern England and Harraj Mann, 24, was taken off.

The taxi driver had become worried on the way to the airport because Mann had been singing along to The Clash's 1979 anthem "London Calling," which features the lyrics "Now war is declared -- and battle come down" while other lines warn of a "meltdown expected."

Mann told British newspapers the taxi had been fitted with a music system which allowed him to plug in his MP3 player and he had been playing The Clash, Procol Harum, Led Zeppelin and the Beatles to the driver.

"He didn't like Led Zeppelin or The Clash but I don't think there was any need to tell the police," Mann told the Daily Mirror.

For the very young and very old, The Clash were, for a time during which the Rolling Stones weren't using the title, The World's Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Band. The 1979 double album "London Calling" is widely considered the greatest punk album of all time and one of the four or five greatest rock 'n' roll albums of all time. This is not, in other words, obscure stuff.

That said, if I were driving a cab and a fare insisted on playing Procol Harum at me, I'd dump him on the side of the road.

But I don't think I'd have to get Homeland Security involved.

Bacon: the new salmon?

Now don't ever let me hear you say we only publish bad news.

Apparently I missed it when I was out sick Wednesday, but the N&R main building's plumbing problems aren't over. In fact, we're now once again under a do-not-flush order until further notice. (If we get desperate, we can walk across the parking lot to the building that once housed Triad Style magazine. It has a separate sewer hookup.)

If they don't get this issue resolved today, I swear I may come back in this weekend with a Roto-Rooter(tm) setup that would make Godzilla feel inadequate, because this is getting old.

Home sick today, and with a bit of time on my hands for once, I came across something both interesting and entertaining.

One would think that the poet Geoffrey Chaucer would find the Internet a bit troublesome, given that he has been dead for close to three-quarters of a millennium and all.

And one would be wrong.

Not only is he online, not only is he blogging, he is making up his own text-messaging abbreviations, such as:

• OTPBRB: Offe to parliamente, be ryghte back
• AOMSHJDOTBD: anothere of myne servauntes hath just dyede of the blacke death. (Yeah, I hate it when that happens, too.)

So, hey, if Geoffrey can adapt to the world of blogs, what's keeping you?

Back during our e-mail server problems, a frequent correspondent wrote to ask, "What else could go wrong for y'all?"

Argh. Never ask that question. Because if you do, you will always find out.

In this case, the main sewer line here in the building began having problems this afternoon, so no one could flush for a couple of hours. To our collective relief, to so speak, the problem appears to have been fixed now.

Starbucks is giving away free cups of coffee between 10 a.m. and noon tomorrow at 7,500 stores nationwide. I don't have any info at this late hour on whether Greensboro outlets are participating. But then, if I'm blogging at this late hour, I don't have a life, either, and that's probably a bigger concern.

Red wine can help prevent tooth decay.

After Hurricane Katrina, the story was told far and wide of how a Cat-5 hurricane striking New Orleans was the second of three catastrophic disaster scenarios considered "likely" within the next couple of decades. A terrorist attack on New York was one, also, and as we all know, that, too, has come to pass.

The third? A major Bay Area earthquake ... and the experts say the fault along which such a quake would occur is locked and loaded (link contains links to news story and other related online resources). Oh, goody.

Occasionally I have to remind readers of this blog that I am not a lawyer, but I don't have to do it the way Ezra Klein's guest-poster does. And that's a good thing.

Beer fights heart disease. Yay, beer!

Maintenance guy (dealing with wiring problem in cramped storage closet): Here's your problem: You don't have enough junk in here.

Administrative assistant: That's not junk. That's stuff.

What's the difference? Is there a difference? And if so, what are the ramifications for such phrases as "junk in the trunk" or "too stuffed to eat another bite"?

Discuss amongst yourselves. I'll be back later today with a report on the meeting.

UPDATE: Another perspective here.

Never have I been so proud to be of Scots descent.

A 17TH-CENTURY firewater, more than two spoonfuls of which was said to be enough to kill a grown man, is to be revived by a whisky distillery in Scotland.

A single drop of the ancient drink of “usquebaugh-baul” was described by the travel writer Martin Martin in 1695 as powerful enough to affect “all members of the body”. He added: “Two spoonfuls of this last liquor is a sufficient dose; if any man should exceed this, it would presently stop his breath, and endanger his life.”

Twelve barrels of the world’s most alcoholic whisky, or enough to wipe out a medium-size army, will be produced when the Bruichladdich distillery revives the ancient tradition of quadruple-distilling today. With an alcohol content of 92 per cent, the drink may not be the most delicate single malt ever produced but it is by far and away the world’s strongest. Malt whisky usually has an alcohol content of between 40 per cent and 63.5 per cent.

With the first spirit run expected at lunchtime today, the distillery urged whisky lovers to tune in live on its webcams — “that is, if the distillery doesn’t blow up in the process”.

The US Secret Service admitted in 2003 that it had been monitoring the distillery because the difference between distilling a fine whisky and making chemical weapons was "just a small tweak."

The Web cams are here; doesn't look like anything blew up.

The distillery's master distiller says that when the stuff's ready to drink in about 10 years, the flavor will be "floral." Funny guy, that master distiller.

... is 9 p.m. Saturday. 'Til then, expect saturation coverage -- from "every ESPN entity" and from Mr. Sun!.

(Yes, it appears to be raining weird news today, and yr hmbl corrspndt is out dancing in it.)

Apparently, making computers that don't run is now a good thing.

So, the Stockholm, Sweden, chapter of the biker gang Hell's Angels -- and if you would, just stop and savor, for a moment, the 200-proof weirdness of a Hell's Angels chapter in Sweden -- is under investigation for possible benefits fraud. Seems 70 members of the chapter have been diagnosed with depression ... by the same doctor.

For quite some time I've been a fan of the concept of distributed computing. Stripped of all the jargon, distributed computing means taking a job that could only be done by a single very powerful computer, of which there are fewer in the world than there are jobs for them, and breaking it up into many tiny little pieces. Then, via the Internet, you send the pieces out to participating computers worldwide. Each of those computers works on its piece of the job, then returns the data to the central location.

My first distributed-computing project was SETI@home, which I got involved with about eight years ago. SETI@home uses computers around the world to analyze data collected from deep space by radio telescopes. The analysis is looking for the kind of nonrandom electromagnetic signals that might indicate the existence of intelligent life on other planets. If your computer is the one that finds life on other planets, you get the credit, although if I were going to score that much luck, I'd rather put it to work on a Powerball ticket.

(What might such a signal look like? We might, for example, broadcast repetitions of Pi into space on various frequencies. One argument against doing so is that it might be interpreted by a more advanced, and hostile, civilization, as, "Hey! Here we are! Come enslave or eat us!" But no pain, no gain, say I.)

SETI@home, based at Berkeley, eventually became part of a larger program called the Berkeley Open Infrastructure for Network Computing, or BOINC. (Another pointless aside: In addition to its more salacious connotations, the word reminds me of "Scientific Progress Goes 'Boink,'" a collection of my all-time favorite comic strip, "Calvin & Hobbes." Hey, I told you it was a pointless aside.)

BOINC is a piece of software that lets you participate as much or as little as you want in one or more of several distributed-computing projects based at Berkeley. My home PC currently is running not only a SETI@home project but also projects from ClimatePrediction.net and Einstein@Home, a search for gravitational signals emitted by pulsars.

Well, this is all well and good, you're thinking, but what in pluperfect heck does it have to do with ... well, anything?

For the answer, you need to visit my new current favorite Web site, Google Earth. You can use the free program, or some of the free tools developed by users, to get a map, a satellite photo, or both (separate or overlaid) of pretty much any address on Earth. Even better, you can drag the map around on your computer screen to see adjacent areas, and you can zoom in (up to a point) or out so as to look easily at things whose exact location you don't know but are NEAR things whose exact location you know.

So here, finally, is my idea.

I'm not sure how we could get computer technology to do all the heavy lifting -- it seems to me as if human judgment would almost certainly have to be involved here -- but what with the Tom Hanks movie "Cast Away" and the popularity of the TV show "Lost" (not to mention the gazillions of "Gilligan's Island" reruns we've all watched), I wondered whether it might be possible to combine the power of Google Earth with distributed computing to find every last speck of land on the globe and look for signs of (shipwrecked) human life. I don't know what that would be, exactly -- the word "HELP!" spelled out on a beach in fallen coconut palms, I guess, or "HI! MY NAME IS AMELIA EARHART!" -- but if there's a relatively cost-effective way to do this, imagine what would happen if we found even one cast-away person.

Maybe we call it Project Gilligan.

OK, it was just a thought.

The conservative commentator reports that the crack-cocaine problem "has pretty much gone away." And people say we ignore good news.

Also, she joked that Supreme Court justice John Paul Stevens should be poisoned. At least, I presume she was joking.

Forget global warming. We've got more pressing concerns.

I don't know how good this guy is, but apparently he's the one journalist in the world with more energy than even our own Jim Schlosser.