News-Record.com

So I'm sitting here watching Giada de Laurentiis on "Everyday Italian" on the Food Network, and it's enough to get a person all hot and bothered.

We have soft-focus extreme close-ups of firm, juicy ... tomatoes. Of dripping, squirting ... lemons. We pan down Giada and her cleavage-enhancing blouse (seriously) as she massages ... dough and generally has her way with the food.

We have cheesy instrumental music to set the mood, as Giada intones softly that you shouldn't beat the cream too much. She breaks out her vibrating kitchen toys and different flavored oils to use on the food.

"You could eat the actual stalk if you wanted to."

"It's puffed up, but not too much."

"This is what I like to drizzle over my 'broccoli.' "

"Up next, I'm going to fill my tart."

I tell ya -- It's almost enough to make me run to the kitchen to experience the sensations for myself.

But first, I'm going to watch Essence of Emeril.