Female roomie might ruin George
My column today:
Guilford College, don't kill Independent George.
George, from "Seinfeld," couldn't handle it when his girlfriend started to push her way into his intimate circle of friends, leaving him with no space to be himself.
That's exactly what could happen if Guilford College allows men and women to share dorm rooms. ...
It will be the end of Independent George. And he'll never know what hit him.
This proposal may sound very appealing to some college guys. When hormones rage around the clock, what could be better than having the object of desire close at hand?
No, President Chabotar, I don't think that suspecting "unpuritanical" activity is illogical -- unless kids have changed an awful lot lately.
After all, if the theory of gender-blind housing is so reasonable, why not assign roommates without regard to gender in the first place? Why do it only upon request?
The obvious answer is that gender does matter. Boys and girls are fundamentally different, and many of them -- mostly girls, I'd guess -- would not be comfortable if assigned a roommate of the opposite sex.
Is that illogical, too? Should they just get over it and join the brave new world of total gender equity?
Sure they should. Right after Guilford abandons the quaint practice of fielding separate athletic teams for men and women.
But back to Independent George.
He might be enticed into rooming with his girlfriend, especially if encouraged by college administrators -- "We trust you, son; just take lots of cold showers" -- but he could be making a fatal mistake.
Remember, Independent George is a very young man, 19, 20 or 21 years old, barely an adult.
He's just moved away from his mother. Now he's going to move in with another woman?
When's he going to become his own man? Discover his identity? Be one of the guys?
Sometime after college, he probably will live with a woman. Maybe even marry one, if they still do that these days. What's his hurry?
Having gotten married only a few weeks after finishing college, I speak from experience.
I had four years to live with other young men, to do guy things in guy ways -- without a woman ever telling me anything different.
It was great.
Don't get me wrong. I’ve enjoyed every bit of my married life, but I'm happy it didn't start any sooner.
I needed to be "me" for a while without being part of "us." To be a single before becoming half of a couple.
To be Independent.
George won't be Independent if his dorm room is decorated to his girlfriend's taste. If he can't throw his dirty socks on the floor. If his buddies feel like they're intruding if they come over to play video games, watch sports or just be rowdy.
George shouldn't give up his freedom to get around, date a new girl every week, enjoy two or three serious romances during his college years.
Or is the relationship really going to be so casual that the roommate won't tie him down? Can George live with one girl and date another? Guilford should be careful what kind of patterns for later life all this might set.
This is one progressive proposal that might be pushing people too far, too fast. While it's certainly commendable for Guilford administrators to consider new ideas with open minds, colleges also should value the wisdom of the ages.
People in the past understood plenty about the human heart, and other parts. If you don't believe it, read the classics.
Things haven't changed that much. No matter how earnestly one pretends it's illogical to assume certain things will happen when a young man and young woman spend night after night in the same small bedroom, the record of human history draws its own conclusions.
Of course, these days one winks at sexual behavior on college campuses. But the question here is whether, for all practical purposes, it should be formally sanctioned and these young people should be considered responsible enough to make a decision that, at one time in our society, required a marriage license and formal commitment ceremony.
Kids go to college. I was a kid when I went to college, my sons were kids when they went.
College helps students grow and mature. They're really not ready to jump into a complicated arrangement like sharing close living quarters with someone of the other gender.
Guilford actually acknowledges that because it won't allow freshmen to sign up for co-ed rooms. But just a year later, go right ahead.
Wow. They must grow up quickly there.
What's the rush? Why not give them time to explore their own identity before exploring someone else's, and whatever else they'd like to explore.
George needs more than a year or two between mom and girlfriend. Guilford, don't encourage him to give up his Independence before he even knows what he missed.
Comments (8)
To report abuse of the comment feature on this site, please use the feedback form at the bottom of any page.
Doug, I think you said it all. Great column today.
Posted on February 8, 2006 8:45 AM
I had four years to live with other young men, to do guy things in guy ways -- without a woman ever telling me anything different.
It was great.* Doug
Doug! Are you trying to tell us something here that we don't know about or did you just see Brokebackmountian for the 3 rd time this week?
I had the same feeling when I join the Army at a young age. I have heard the same comments from prison inmates also. You were not into some type of ancient Greek frat house during your college educational tour were you?
Posted on February 8, 2006 9:56 AM
No, Connie, I never got into that. Do you think I missed out on something?
Posted on February 8, 2006 10:23 AM
No, Connie, I never got into that. Do you think I missed out on something?* Doug
Whew Doug! Thank the Great greek God Pan that nothing happen! If you had miss something, you certainly would be working in a San Francisco Bathhouse as the house greeter in pink by now! If you think you are going to draw or s### me into a debate about cowboy bashing on the Bush ranch in Texas. Forget that! I am just looking out for your backside Doug!
Posted on February 8, 2006 7:38 PM
One of the main reasons this policy change was initially discussed was in support of transgendered students. What about those who are "male" or "female" by societal standards but do not identify as such and therefore do not feel comfortable living with others of the same sex? Gender is no longer the male/female dichotomy, especially not at institutions with progressive populations like Guilford. Does that social conscience award we got not extend to having a conscience with regards to our own community?
It is true that Guilford does not have many openly transgendered students, but this policy will also help people of more traditional genders. We all know people who are much more comfortable around people of the opposite sex, regardless of their sexual orientation. Why should those people be forced to live with someone with whom they are less comfortable, if they have a perfectly willing roommate of the opposite sex?
The other thing to consider is statistics--in the process of writing this policy changing proposal (which is still all it is--this has not been approved by administration) students took the initiative of calling between 10-15 colleges who had already instituted this policy on their campuses, and the general statistics they gave us, when averaged and translated to fit Guilford's population, said that a mere 5-10 people would take part in this each semester. That's not very many. Because really, when you were in college, would you have wanted to move in with your girlfriend? We might be young college students, but most of us do have the sense to not make rash moves like that (and we like our freedom too much.) During student forums the question of heterosexual couples moving in together was addressed and students agreed that preventative measures could be put in place to assure that there was a complete understanding of the situation, and there was even a proposal that the R.A.s would check in regularly with those who decided to take advantage of the new housing policy, just to monitor the situation.
In short, I feel that there is a lot more behind this issue than the idea of men and women moving in together as heterosexual couples, and I think that the reasoning behind the proposal has not been fully considered in any of the articles written in the paper in the past week or two. It is a scary prospect at first, I agree, but I believe that if you understand why the proposal was written (and perhaps if you gave college kids more credit as intelligent adults) it would not be nearly as big of a problem.
Posted on February 8, 2006 9:39 PM
@Jessica:
But what about heterosexual students who don't feel comfortable living with anyone but their boyfriend/girlfriend? Your question ("Why should those people be forced to live with someone with whom they are less comfortable, if they have a perfectly willing roommate of the opposite sex?") applies in this circumstance, and yet you want to take steps to prohibit this from happening even to the point of having someone check in (and the liberals say that conservative are invading privacy) to make sure two roommates aren't having sex.
Posted on February 9, 2006 5:23 PM
You miss the point.
If anyone is going to be independent, choice must be allowed... That's what the romming is. A choice. If "George" wants to stay independent, that's his choice.
But if other people want this, that's their right, as well.
Posted on February 9, 2006 10:14 PM
To Jason: "Checking in" doesn't mean make sure they're not having sex. It means they'll keep an eye out for major social problems or conflicts that could disrupt the hall, generally make sure the roomates are behaving responsibly. The college is under no responsibility to keep students of legal age from having consensual sex, nor should they try. Anyway, couples living at college have no barriers from sleeping together when they are in gender-separate rooms; it's not like gender-blind housing would "allow" people to have sex when they couldn't before. The ones who prefer abstinence and think living together would be too much temptation can make that call for themselves, and live separately.
Also: I love how this entire article is based on whether gender-blind rooming will be bad for hetersexual males thinking of moving in with their girlfriends. There are other people in the world, you know.
Posted on February 9, 2006 11:44 PM