News-Record.com

Bill Cosby's address to High Point University graduates this morning sometimes sounded more like a scolding from a grumpy parent.

A very funny grumpy parent.

"I want you to know the truth," he told the approximately 700 diploma winners looking up at him from the Roberts Hall lawn. "These old people surrounding you are tired of you. You've been whining, begging and using them. Some of them ... have no idea what your degree is in. ...

"This school is very expensive," he said, drawing a chorus of groans.

"You don't know and you don't care," he answered. "If you did care, you would have gone to community college."

He knew just what they'd been up to for four years.

"We have pictures of you ... in the dorm, talking to the commode.

"We have pictures of you in the bushes, upside down, passed out."

It's time for that to change: "I don't care what your major is -- get a job!"

Cosby cited HPU President Nido Qubein as an example ... but not without poking fun.

"We all know Dr. Qubein came here with $50 from Lebanon or somewhere. How do we know this? He stops every student ... and asks for $50. We're tired of this story."

Cosby turned serious, sort of.

"Dr. Qubein came here with $50. Let's examine it. He didn't come here with a promise of a twice-a-month check. He wasn't entitled, young people, to anything except to go find work, which is very American and very biblical, with a ye ... Go ye ... Seek ye ... Ye can do it.

"You can lead Dr. Qubein's life story, especially the part that has work in it, and you too can have your own university. Then you won't have to work, you'll have to beg. He goes to rich people and says, 'Give me money.'

"You can do it. How? I have no idea. I'm an old person and I say old person things like, 'Work hard.' "

Cosby urged the graduates to get up at 6 o'clock Monday morning, get themselves ready and just leave. Find a job.

"The person who is flipping burgers at McDonald's is flipping to become the manager. The manager is working to become the regional manager. The regional manager is working to become an owner. The owner is working to own more. ... Greed. Be greedy."

His serious message, he said, was about responsibility.

"You're not going to make it smoking dope. You're not going to make it drinking and throwing up in the bushes."

Then he was done. He'd processed in with Qubein and other academic dignitaries behind a band of bagpipers and said he wanted to close "before the Scottish people come back."

Unorthodox? Sure. This was a guy who was wearing an HPU sweatsuit under his academic robes and a ballcap with tassel. He holds master's and doctorate degrees in education from the University of Massachusetts, but he's first and last a comedian.

Yet there was a message within his humor: work hard, act responsibly. Nothing wrong with that. The best graduation speakers stick to one or two main points.

I noticed, though, that Cosby gave the graduates more than that -- a personal gift.

The grumpy parent routine was just an act. Cosby showed real affection for these graduates, even though he didn't know them.

He stood and greeted each one who walked across the platform when the time came for his or her name to be called. Each one received a handshake, hug or kiss and had a photo taken. More remarkably, Cosby said something to every one beyond just the pro forma congratulations -- and every one reacted with a smile or a laugh or an expression of sheer delight.

I don't think those students will ever forget who their graduation speaker was, or think of him as grumpy.