Some parents really ought to be told off
My column today:
Put yourself in the place of a principal who gets this from the mother of a troublesome student: "My son doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do."
Yes, that happened at a Triad middle school recently.
How would you answer?
I know this is old hat to public school educators. They hear that sort of defiance from students and parents regularly. But it shocks me, and if you're not a teacher or principal it might shock you, too.
I can't imagine saying that to someone who called me from school about my kid's bad behavior.
Would I think saying that would force the school to back down? "Oh, you're absolutely right, Mr. Clark. Your son doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. We were just hoping he might want to act decently in class and stop ruining the environment for his teacher and all the other students. We're sorry if it appears we're being unreasonable. He's welcome to do as he pleases."
Would I think I was doing my child a favor? "Son, you can set your own rules in life. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I'll always back you up. Um, is that my wallet you've got there? Where are you going with the car keys? You don't have a license. Come back ..."
I don't know how principals are supposed to respond to parents who say idiotic things like, "My son doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do." They're probably advised to be polite and understanding. I might be speechless, but here's what I'd like to say:
"Really? Your son doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do? Now that's a helpful attitude. It explains a lot.
"Let me try to explain a few things to you. First of all, your son isn't 16 years old, although at the rate he's progressing he'll turn 16 before he's promoted past eighth grade. Until then, the law says he's required to attend school. That's whether he wants to or not. So, unless you want to be charged with truancy, you'll send him to school.
"Next, we're going to do our best to see that he makes good use of his time while he's here. I hope you understand that he's here to learn something. Maybe you missed out on it, but education happens to be closely associated with success in this world. If he doesn't get an education, believe it or not, he will have fewer opportunities during his life to do what he wants to do. Education increases a person's options. A student who does well in school will have a chance to go on to college, to choose among many fields of study, to prepare for an exciting and rewarding career.
"I have to be frank with you. It's nearly too late for your son to take advantage of opportunities like this because he's done his best not to learn anything in school -- apparently with your encouragement. So he might end up in dead-end jobs that won't be very fulfilling or interesting and won't strike him at all as what he wants to do.
"Of course he might get the idea that the world owes him something, that he's entitled to take whatever he wants. Eventually he'll be disabused of that notion. If he finds school oppressive, wait until he gets to prison. Believe me, I've known plenty of young men with attitudes like his, and a lot of them have ended up behind bars. I wish I could say I felt responsible, but I did my best. They made their own choices. Or maybe it's more accurate to say their parents set that course for them. We try, we put our hearts into it, but the truth is that parents have a lot more influence than a principal or all our teachers can have -- for good or bad. And in your son's case, it's pretty bad.
"But I'm willing to give him another chance, on one condition: that you start doing your job. You tell him that from now on he's going to follow our rules, not his. We have too many disinterested, disconnected and downright hostile young people here to let them run wild. Our school would be totally dysfunctional. We won't tolerate it.
"That's the deal. You can do what you want to do. But don't think your kid can. His options are running out already."
That would make me feel better. Would it do any good?
Contact Doug Clark at dgclark@news-record.com or 373-7039.
Comments (20)
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Doug, have you considered a career as GCS' new superintendant?
Posted on February 6, 2008 8:59 AM
Doug,
Remember that NCLB punishes a school for each child they "lose" under the formula used to figure out AYP. Unfortunately, if one worked the statistics, it would probably be better for the administrators, teachers and other students if the 5% of young people who are doing nothing for themselves or their school just left--the total graduation rate would probably approach 95%, the retention rate of teachers would surge and school would become an exciting, pleasant adventure again. I wish principals could tell the sort of young person you described: "We have nothing more to teach you for you think you know all you need to; so, we're going to just let you go." That will be the day.
Sadly, in the process of bending over backwards to cajole, entice, tutor, beg the students like your hypothetical one our schools currently don't do right by the 95% of kids who give no trouble and try their best every day. And in the push to pull the very bottom up our schools are allowing the top 10% to languish. Just listen to Dr. Z when he talks about underachieving by different groups.
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:05 AM
Man, what a terrible thing to say. Is that like a curse or something?
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:06 AM
My last comment was in reply to Jeff, of course, not Jack.
Jack, I agree that underachievement by high-potential students is one of our biggest problems. It's why so many bright kids cruise through high school and slam into a wall when they get to college. In this economy, we need all the high-performing young people we can turn out.
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:11 AM
Jack is exactly right. Schools expend far too much time, energy and resources on students who only come to school to cause trouble. Of course, that comes at the expense of the well-behaved students who want to learn.
In Guilford County Schools, principals have been discouraged from suspending troublemakers, particularly African-American males, so that the suspension numbers look good on paper. But what kind of learning environment does that create in our schools? We've seen the answer to that question in the headlines of this very newspaper: "Brawl at Grimsley," "Principal injured at Page," "Fires set at Western Guilford," etc.
Doug, I wish schools would adopt your approach and take a hard line on student discipline. I'm sure the hard-working teachers and principals would appreciate that. Unfortunately, the school board and GCS administration doesn't consider student discipline to be an important issue. The Guilford County School Board flat-out refused to work with the Greensboro Police Department on a School Watch program.
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:26 AM
Nasty, nasty, nasty, Doug. I mean, anybody with any sense agrees with you, but your view here directly contradicts the views of multiple members of the schoolboard and possibly even the Super therefore it may be better to follow the "Guilford Way" and not say anything. Mama's always right.
You're risking becoming a marked man.
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:29 AM
Doug,
Thanks for your agreement. Clearly, the currently emerging/surging countries in the world probably don't do as well with all students, especially what might be considered "late bloomers," but they sure do right by the top 10%. The Chinese, Indians, Koreans, Japanese and Singaporians want to make sure that they have the next generation of engineers, medical personnel and researchers, computer jockeys, etc., that they need. It is short-sighted to ignore them as we seem to be doing in this country. And the notion that they are doing and will do "okay" on their own is patently silly.
Posted on February 6, 2008 9:56 AM
We ought to be concerned about our dropout rate because dropouts cost society a lot of trouble and money in the long run.
But does anyone know what our dropdown rate is? By that I mean kids who perform at a much lower level than they could if they were sufficiently challenged or pushed.
Posted on February 6, 2008 10:44 AM
Doug, my first post was intended to be a compliment, but I can see why you may have viewed it as a curse.
I can't help but wonder if a compulsory national service program for high school dropouts/sociopaths wouldn't take care of the lion's share of the problems.
Expanding on Jack's comments, it seems that with 50-plus four-year colleges/universities in this (formerly) industrialized state, more than four of them (A&T, Duke, State, and UNCC) would have comprehensive engineering schools. Adjoining states aren't any better off.
Posted on February 6, 2008 11:11 AM
Check out how many of the graduate degrees in engineering awarded at those four universities are going to foreign students. It's discouraging. We don't need more engineering schools just to educate foreigners. We have to prepare more of our kids to go into demanding technical fields.
Posted on February 6, 2008 11:57 AM
Such am ignorant parent. Such a parent should have her kids home schooled by her, and see what would happen if they did whatever they wanted to do, or not do what they're told to do.
Our school system is the largest employer for "babysitting positions," and the most expensive.
If I was the principal, and that ignorant parent addressed me as such. Oy vay! I would've read her rights, and then taught her some!
Posted on February 6, 2008 3:15 PM
Such am ignorant parent. Such a parent should have her kids home schooled by her, and see what would happen if they did whatever they wanted to do, or not do what they're told to do.
Our school system is the largest employer for "babysitting positions," and the most expensive.
If I was the principal, and that ignorant parent addressed me as such. Oy vay! I would've read her rights, and then taught her some!
Posted on February 6, 2008 3:15 PM
Doug, all I have to say is, Tell it, Brother!!!
Posted on February 6, 2008 6:21 PM
DC as superintendant? Nah... "Get Clark Outta Here" just doesn't have the same ring to it...
Posted on February 7, 2008 6:34 AM
Thanks, John.
Kenny, what's happening in the Netherlands? Werk niet te hard.
Posted on February 7, 2008 8:53 AM
I agree with Kenny. "Honk if You've Been Clark-ended" doesn't have the same ring.
Hey Doug, looks like a bunch of T-Ville people publically rallied and got a housing project voted down in their neighborhood. I think it's time to give these ingrates a piece of your mind like you did on your seminal "Housing projects for Skeet Club" editorial campaign at the HPE a few years back. What say?
Posted on February 7, 2008 9:45 AM
Yeah, that was sure a dumb column I wrote, saying it would have been good to build low-income housing where residents would have easier access to jobs.
Posted on February 7, 2008 10:25 AM
No, it was a good idea. The National Highway location of the T-Ville project would also give better acess to jobs along the Nat Hhway and I-85 corridors. Go after these people! We'll back ya!
Posted on February 7, 2008 1:54 PM
You know, that area isn't quite the job engine we see at Piedmont Centre/PTIA/68/Wendover/I-40. Not quite.
Posted on February 7, 2008 2:03 PM
From what I understand it was to be for 55 and older people anyhew. Probably not the demographic you were envisioning for the Clarkian N. High Point high-tech utopia. For some reason these T-ville people still wouldn't go for it.
Posted on February 7, 2008 2:17 PM