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Laugh lines

If you read our print edition (of course you do), you know that on our Tuesday Second Opinion page we run a feature called Laugh Lines. It takes the best of the political jokes from the late-night TV funnymen.

Who says they're the best jokes? Dennis Shelton, our Editorial Department page designer, that's who.

I'm a big fan of this feature. I don't stay up late enough to watch the late shows, so this is my source for late-night political humor.

When my son, Andrew, was living in Tanzania for two years, I clipped the Laugh Lines column every week and stuffed it in with whatever else I was mailed him. I was trying to keep him in touch with the mood back home, although maybe the effort wasn't successful since it would take anywhere from three weeks to six months for him to receive mail, if it did at all. Jokes about the Indiana primary might not be all that funny six months from now.

Anyway, Leno rules the Laugh Lines column. He dominates, no contest, week after week.

But not this week. This week, Letterman gains the upper hand. Hey, if he can pull one out, is Hillary really done?

Here's this week's Laugh Lines column:

“Hillary Clinton barely won my home state of Indiana. And she lost in the state of North Carolina. But here is the good news. She has a substantial lead in the state of denial.”
David Letterman

“It occurred to me that Hillary Clinton has one thing in common with President Bush. Neither of them has an exit strategy.”
David Letterman

“The experts say, if you do the math, there’s no way Hillary Clinton can win the nomination. And today, Hillary responded by saying, 'People who do math are elitist.’ ”
Jay Leno

“The groom ... asked President Bush for his daughter’s hand in marriage. And President Bush said, 'Well, it’s OK with me, but you gotta run it by Cheney.’ ”
David Letterman

“President Bush has offered to help Myanmar. ... That’s where they had that terrible cyclone, where thousands of people were killed. ... In fact, Bush offered to help the country under one condition, 'Don’t tell New Orleans.’ ”
Jay Leno

Comments (3)

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Holden said:

I notice laugh lines uses bigger print and has much more open space that other features on your two op-ed pages - I've come to think this is your way of just filling up meaningless space in your newspaper. Reminds me of when I was in the eighth grade and the teacher would tells us to write a two page essay, I'd always make sure to write larger than normal and I'd start writing at least one or two lines farther down than normal. All the wasted space of laugh lines gives me the impression that the N&R really has nothing meaningful to say on its op-ed pages.

Doug said:

Aha, a heckler! Well, our stand-up comics are used to dealing with ridicule. We use larger type for some features because we don't want you to miss our best stuff. And we throw in cartoons for folks who only want to look at pictures.

And today! Governor Easley said he was going stamp out Sin for good in North Carolina by raising the Beer and Cig tax to a whole new level in taxation.


Meanwhile today! A group of tax protesters dump 14 million used cans of Coors Lite on the Governor office and another group of tax protesters dump 20 billion used cig butts from a Wal-Mart parking lot on Governor Easley State own Limo at a Hillary Clinton campaign rally in West Virgina.

A Spokenperson for the Governor Office said today this was nothing but a promotional stunt by Rev Wright and his Chicago base Muslin church.

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