When will you visit again, Bill Clinton?
My column today:
End Of The Road, N.C. — “Mind if I join you?” I say to the old timer perched on a bench at the edge of the tiny town square.
He’s dressed in overalls and wearing a broad-brimmed straw hat to fend off the sun. His rough hands look like they might have guided a plow in days gone by. He’s working a mouthful of tobacco with dark gums and a few brown teeth, occasionally spitting juice into a Styrofoam cup that may or may not also contain coffee.
“Be my guest. No better place to enjoy all the excitement.”
I sit and survey the scene from his point of view. A truck sputters down Main Street. A barber in front of his shop chats with a lady mail carrier. A couple of storefronts stand forlorn and empty.
The last time anything exciting happened here, I think, was maybe the end of World War II.
“What do you mean? What’s happening?”
“Bill Clinton’s coming.”
“Bill Clinton? Are you sure?”
“Yep. He’s campaigning for his wife, Hillary.”
“But the primary was yesterday.”
“Well, I hear he runs a little late. But I don’t mind waiting. I’ve never seen a president before, and I always liked ol’ Bill, even if he got hisself in trouble now and then. I wouldn’t mind some of that kind of trouble myself.”
My companion shakes his head and chuckles wickedly, causing tobacco juice to spill over his lower lip. It’s time to draw the conversation back on track.
“I don’t want to disappoint you, but ol’ Bill’s not late. He’s gone. They’re all gone.”
“Gone where?”
“Gone to the next states, Kentucky and West Virginia and Nebraska, wherever else they still have primaries. It’s over with here.”
The gentleman’s cloudy blue eyes begin to mist.
“I don’t see how it can be over with. Bill ain’t been here yet. He’s supposed to visit every small town in North Carolina. My cousin in Fish Barrel saw him there, and my grandniece got her picture taken with him up in Sweet Tater. He gave her a friendlier hug than was proper, she said, but then she hugged him right back the same way. That girl, she’s something. I don’t know how he could have missed us here.”
“I guess he didn’t have time to go everywhere.”
“Well, when do you reckon he’s coming back?”
“That depends. Never if Hillary doesn’t win the nomination. And even if she does, it depends on whether they think they have a chance to win North Carolina. If they don’t, they might not bother to campaign much here.”
“That don’t make sense to me. Why would the Clintons spend all this time in North Carolina for the primary but not the real election?”
“She needed to do well in North Carolina even if she didn’t win the primary because she could still get almost half the state’s delegates. In November, it’s winner-take-all for electoral votes. If she doesn’t think she can take North Carolina from the Republicans, or if she doesn’t need it, she won’t waste much time and money trying.”
The old gentleman looks positively crestfallen.
“Well, I’ll be. I figured this was gonna go on all summer. Is she still gonna cut my gas tax? I can’t afford to fill up the tractor anymore.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t hope too hard for that. Look, I apologize for telling you all this. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?”
“That’s right neighborly of you, friend, but I expect I’d better go vote.”
“Go vote? You didn’t vote yesterday?”
“No, I’ve been waiting to see Bill first. Figured I could always do late voting.”
“Late voting? There’s no late voting. They have early voting and election day voting, but that’s it.”
“No late voting? Now that’s disappointing. How are you supposed to vote early if you have to wait for Bill Clinton?”
“You probably shouldn’t make that mistake in November.”
“Don’t worry,” he says with a grin, pulling his hat over his eyes as if preparing to take a nap. “Reckon I’ll wait for John McCain instead.”
Contact Doug Clark at dgclark@news-record.com or 373-7039.
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